It's Murder
by ElleD'Amore
Summary: Detective Bella Swan and her partner, DI Edward Cullen work together like a well oiled machine in the Murder Squad. It's strictly a work arrangement and Bella is determined nothing will ever happen between them, because her focus is solely on the job, not on her stunningly gorgeous partner. Now it seems her best friend is hinting that they could be something more. AH, Bella & Ed.
1. Chapter 1

It's Murder

Chapter 1

BPOV

I awoke from one of the best dreams I've had in ages, and instantly my mood switched to annoyance at being woken up before it got to the good part. Sex during slumber was useful and saved me having to sit through another boring date with my current sex provider, Mike.

Great way to start the day.

It's still dark, and it's far too cold to budge from under my continental quilt, and face the day.

My eyes flick around the 'apartment' quickly, as they always do when I first wake up, and nothing is out of place. Front door closed, locked, alarm activated. It's tiny green light flashes comfortingly, letting me know it's keeping the rest of the world out, and keeping me safe within.

The clock in the 'kitchen' area shows it's almost seven a.m.

The kitchen benchtop is littered with wine glasses and empty bottles, which is par for the course when we finally solve a case. I do have a dishwasher but apparently it takes female genes to load it and I had been a little unsteady on my feet last night.

That was down to Edward and the fact it had been his turn to buy the wine, and so, naturally, it had been expensive and an excellent vintage and he really had not had to encourage me to overindulge.

I have much better control of my drinking when it's my turn. Supermarket wine really doesn't hold much appeal, so those nights it's more talking and congratulating one another, than actual drinking.

So, my throbbing head today is down to Edward. DI Edward Cullen, my partner on the Murder Squad.

I listen to his breathing, and know he is faking it. He's not asleep, just hoping I will be fooled that he is, and then I'll get up and make the coffee.

My pull-out couch cannot be very comfortable to sleep on, I bought it originally just for that reason. I was thinking of cousins who turn up out of the blue and want a bed for the night, or old school chums you hardly knew back then and have even less interest in now, who always seem to be too cheap to pay for a motel room, and so it's "Hey, let's go sleep at Bella's".

I figured if the only spare bed was uncomfortable, they'd wake up with kinked spines and happily move on the next day, and hopefully cross me off their list of free lodgings.

What I didn't take into account was, my partner.

At six foot three, sleeping on a pull out has to be extra torture, but what can I do? More often than not, he seems to prefer to curl up here than face the night and make the long drive to his fancy shmancy apartment that contains actual rooms, and not just the one open space that caters as my bedroom, kitchen, diner, and sitting room, all rolled into one.

I do have a separate bathroom, thank the Gods. When I was house hunting, I actually almost went with the other studio apartment in this building, where even the bathroom was incorporated in the one stop room as well, and that would have been just embarrassing.

Edward and I have worked together for three years now and we have discussed every facet of our lives with one another, but that does not mean I'd want to pee in front of him.

I wrap my blanket tighter and wonder if Edward remembers it's my turn to make the early morning coffee. He was pretty out of it and I was the one doing him the favour, after all.

I could have kicked him out the door and made him face up to the drive home, and possible encounter with his latest spurned bedmate, Jessica, who apparently just doesn't get Edward's one unbreakable rule.

No do-overs.

One night of Paradise is all he offers in his amazing antique brass bed that I'd give an arm to own myself. No, not an arm. Maybe a finger or two.

I need all my limbs.

I know you are probably thinking Edward is just another typical commitment phobe, like most of the male race in their thirties these days, but he actually has a valid argument.

Murder squad is hardly the job for married men.

Of course, girls are always impressed when they hear what he does for a living, when he's on the pull in bars and clubs, but as many of our fellow workers have proved time and again is, being married to someone who gets called out at any hour, day or night; who puts the job first and forgets birthdays and anniversaries; who works closely with a female partner for years and knows more about her than about his own wife; yeah, it does not make for Happy Families.

Either the marriage hits the rocks, and she storms out and goes looking for a nine to five accountant type next time, and he never sees his kids again; or every time he goes home he's confronted with an angry wife with a list a mile long of things he has neglected to do while he's busy off playing superhero, catching the bad guys.

We are simply not what anyone would consider 'a good catch'.

Mind you, Edward is ridiculously gorgeous, so one night in his bed should be looked upon as an honour anyway. I'm sure he makes that night unforgettable, so in a way it's his own fault that sometimes a 'jessica' turns up and wants more.

Silly girl. If she knew him better, she would know sometimes when he's stressed out and on the pull, he actually does allow some girl whose face he has long forgotten, a second night, but only because he hasn't recognised her.

So far, this has only led to one single instance of actual bodily harm, when he failed to listen as the tall blonde from Jack's Bar was chattily reminding him of their other night together, months earlier, so when he started his usual seduction spiel, she immediately realized he had forgotten her and thought he was taking home a complete stranger. Bad luck for him that she was a black belt and not used to being forgotten.

He'd crawled into work black and blue the next day, and of course the jokes had started. The most common theme being that I'd finally succumbed to his charms and given him such a workout he needed a few days off to recover from the injuries a night in my bed had inflicted on his pretty body.

Yes, hilarious, I know.

We actually drew the line in the sand soon after we were teamed up together, something I occasionally regret when he's all gussied up in his pretty clothes, and has actually run a comb through his bedhair, and of course, he has to have just scruff, not that hideous actual beard he grows when he wants a rest from the ladies.

It works, too.

Hiding his awesome jawline and half his face seems to tone down the pretty factor quite a lot, and when he pulls on a baseball cap to hide the hair every women wants to drag her fingers through, the beautiful Edward can look almost ordinary.

On some cases, it's necessary that he doesn't stand out and become memorable; but on the other hand, nothing loosens a female witnesses tongue like a shiny, clean shaven Edward doing the questioning. Their brains seem to shut down and they tell him everything, even if their words put their nearest and dearest in the frame for whatever crime we are investigating.

"Bella, have mercy."

A voice from the mound of covers heaped over my couch.

"It's your turn," I hiss hopefully. Alcohol consumption tends to mess with his brain cells the day after, and he gets confused until that first caffeine hit gets them working.

"I got it last time. Remember? I even went out in the snow storm to get decent stuff from the shop."

He did.

I owe him, but he needn't think he is getting anything but instant. I should just buy a coffee machine but then, I'm not a coffee addict like some people. I can function just as well on a well brewed cup of tea.

Anyway, I wrap my quilt around my body and head for the electric jug in the far corner, and fill it.

"Remind me. Do we have to go in today?" he mutters, his pretty face half hidden against the cold.

"Just briefly. Marcus wants the 'i's dotted and the 't's crossed as always but I can do that alone if you are not feeling up to it."

The room is filled with the aroma of whatever expensive coffee beans Edward has bought and left in my coffee canister. Nothing but the best for this boy. It smells pretty amazing, so I leave my teapot unused and pour myself a cup of this ambrosia instead, then hobble to where he is half propped upon his pillows, (European, he bought them himself because my chain store pillows don't cut it) and hand him his wake up elixer.

Edward's long fingers cradle the cup and he takes his first, tentative sip. I know he thinks I could even fuck up his best coffee beans, but he nods and gulps the scalding liquid down , like it is the difference between life and death. It may be. Edward is not pretty when deprived of his drug of choice.

He reverts to a whining toddler.

I sit on the edge of his makeshift bed and feel his feet with my spare hand. As always his toes have stuck out from the blankets and are white with cold.

My hands are warm from the coffee cups so I massage his feet and he makes a noise much like I imagine he makes when entertaining his lady friends. His legs are too long for couch sleeping. You'd think that alone would send him home but he likes to stay here, for some reason.

I guess he misses his family and isn't used to living by himself even after three years here in Boston.

I have no such ties with my own parents. My Mom did a midnight flit with some sports player when I was an infant and Charlie, my Police Officer dad, did his best to raise me alone, but we don't have the type of close bonds the Cullen's have with their son. I've met them numerous times, when Edward has dragged me along to various family occasions back home, and I always get a pang for what I missed out on. I come back feeling cheated.

His mother, Esme, treats me like a daughter, and his Dad is always happy to see me sitting in Edward's passenger seat. They know it's nothing more than a working partnership, but apparently, the few times he has taken 'girlfriends' home, they have not been quite the quality his parents hoped. Back in the days before he joined the Murder Squad, he still thought he could have it all; family as well as the job he wanted, but once he transferred in, all that went by the wayside, and he had to face the reality we saw every day in our other team members as marriage after marriage hit the rocks. Kids were moved far away, wives demanded divorces and went looking for replacement husbands who came home every night, not whenever a case was finally solved and we had a brief hiatus until the next dead body turned up.

It's played Hell with my own dating schedule, and like Edward, I have no intention of ever letting anything get serious with any of the guys I go out with.

Unlike him, I don't draw the line at a single night of pleasure; I have always managed to keep things simple and friendly and only backed off when whoever my current beau starts on the "I think we'd be good together on a more permanent basis. You could look for a more sociable job...I know the library is looking for staff..."

Yes, because I could slip seamlessly into that life; one where I read about crimes instead of solving them.

My current 'boyfriend' for want of a better word is starting to get huffy already, having called in early one morning and caught Edward asleep on my couch.

To be fair, it was a warm night and he'd stripped off down to his boxers, and he was clean shaven and pretty. I guess it had been hard to imagine any woman had the self control to not sneak under his covers and avail themselves of a night of Edward Bliss.

I had no trouble managing.

It's simple. Sex fucks things up, and our partnership is vital to the job. I love working Murder and I would never do anything that would jeopardize us being teamed together. You need a partner you trust implicitly. Your life is literally, often in his hands and you don't want his brain clouded by the fact you two just broke up or he's jealous of the attention you are paying someone else, or any of that shit. It could be the difference between him pulling the trigger, or hesitating for just one second too long, so we have never and will never, go there.

Edward arches his back and lays down again, moaning with pleasure as his feet pink up and become warm again. Then I remember and head to my chest of drawers and pull out the pair of hand knitted socks my mother had sent me the day before. They are knitted in lolly pink and lime green, and way too large for my feet but I slip them onto Edward's and they fit him snugly. He wiggles his toes and laughs at the colour combination.

"Really, Swan, you knitted me booties? How come you didn't give them to me last night, before my toes froze?"

"I was a little under the influence," I growl. "Your own fault. That wine was pretty amazing."

He grabs my hands and sits up, folding his arms around my torso and kissing the top of my head.

"See, you do love me. Now get me more coffee."

I wriggle free and take our empty cups back to the grandly named 'kitchen area' and boil fresh water.

Edward turns on his phone and it beeps wildly.

"Let me guess. Jessica has sent you a dozen pleas for you to go home and fulfill her dreams," I joke. Edward frowns and hits the delete key repeatedly.

"Fifteen, actually, not twelve. Bloody woman. I made it perfectly clear it was a one off and she should not expecting anything further, and she agreed. Why do women do this to me? I don't get it."

"Maybe you are so hot in the sack you wipe away all memories of all the guys they shagged before and all they can think about is your no doubt impressive package," I suggest.

He considers this and shrugs.

"You are probably right. What can I say?"

I hand him his second cup of the morning brew and head to my bathroom to shower and dress. Marcus wants at least one of us in early and it seems it will be me, so I flip through my sparse wardrobe of work outfits that I keep hanging on a rail in the bathroom so the steam from the shower irons out the wrinkles and saves me the bother.

Black pencil skirt, conservative white blouse, low heeled pumps.

Marcus likes his ladies to look like ladies. No jeans and hoodies when we go debrief.

The shower is red hot for once and I wash away the remnants of the night before, swallow a couple of painkillers to subdue the echo of pain in my head and pull a brush through my hair. The steam makes it fight back, and attempt to fall into the stupid curls that are the bane of my life so I plug in my hair straightener and wait for it to reach full heat.

"Bella, you have a visitor," Edward yells and huddles back under his nice warm covers that he has not had to emerge from fully yet. He will. Two coffees and a shit load of wine last night; at some point his bladder will force him out into this frigid air.

"You could have gotten up and opened the door," I chastise him as I walk past the couch.

"I didn't think it would go down well if it's Mikey Boy. He already thinks we are doing it. Me answering the door half naked is not going to convince him otherwise," Edward mutters, pulling his fancy pillow over his face.

"Isabella, good morning," Mike Newton says, leaning to kiss my forehead.

"I'm about to head into work," I tell him and he put his hands into his trouser pockets and smiles at me.

"Then I can give you a lift. I came to ask you if you have any plans for tonight? The orchestra is back in town and I have two front row tickets."

I know he means well and his upbringing is such that opera and orchestra's are what he thinks of as a good night out but I'm more your My Chemical Romance fan. A good night out to me is standing next to the stage as some screamo band deafens us and leaves our ears ringing for an hour after the show.

"Damn, I have to work," I shrug. "Normally I would love to go with you, but you know how it is. Marcus needs to hear all the gory details of this latest case and it will take hours."

"But you are going in now? Will it really take all day and the evening as well?" he questions.

"I'm actually going to the dentist this morning, and heading into work later. I have all these chores I have to get through today before the debriefing," I babble.

"Hmm. Maybe I could swap the tickets for tomorrow night," he muses.

"Tomorrow's out as well, unfortunately. We have a new case. Edward and I have to head over to Cambridge and take over from the local lads in the morning. We might be gone for a week or more," I lie convincingly. Just last night I had been bitching about how the time had come to shake off Mike, before I started falling asleep during our terribly exciting dates. The sex was mediocre at best. Not worth the hours I had to listen to the Gospel According to Mike Newton.

I hear Edward sigh loudly and next thing I have a hand on my arse and an arm slung over my shoulder, as my partner kisses my neck and licks my earlobe.

"Hey Dollface, come back to bed. It's lonely in there without you. I have nothing to play with."

Mike reddens to his hairline, and his mouth gapes like a fish out of water.

"I knew it. I knew he couldn't be sleeping over so often if you two weren't..."

I shrug.

"Sorry Mike. It's new, we just got together last night, honestly. I never lied to you."

Mike looks incredulous and I catch Edward's expression. He's doing the 'say what? This has been going on for months' look.

I reach back and pinch his abdomen, which is not easy with his abs being as hard and tight as they are. The man has no fat or saggy skin to torture with my fingernails.

He reacts by slobbering on my cheek and winding his fingers through my hair.

Mike looks appalled.

"I guess we have nothing more to say to one another. I'm very disappointed in you, Isabella. I thought we were something special."

I shrug and close the door. Edward cups my face between his hands and kisses me full on the lips before stepping back and flopping onto his couch.

"You can do better. Find yourself a real man who doesn't think Opera is a treat. How the Hell did you endure sitting through it?"

"I go to my happy place in my head," I reply.

Edward doesn't believe me.

"Okay, I listen to my favourite band through my iPod ear buds while the fat lady sang on the stage. It made it bearable."

I rush to the bathroom to use my straightener before it automatically turns itself off, and we have to begin again. My hair succumbs to the hot iron and falls into place in long straight locks. A little make-up and I'm done.

"I liked the curls," Edward mutters from his nest.

"Bad luck, I hate them," I reply, kissing his cheek chastely. "See you later. I will bring home takeaway for lunch if you are staying that long."

"I'll cook," he growls. "I would prefer to eat something that I know what's in it. I'll go buy some real food. Be home by noon."

He cradles my face again and I turn away so his kiss lands on my cheek and I break free. He has never kissed my lips before and it's shaken me up in a way I don't understand or particularly like. It feels like he has inched his toes over our line in the sand and that cannot happen.

~x~

Marcus looks up as I knock on his door and he beckons me inside.

"Tell me what I want to hear, Detective Swan. Tell me there's no way the perp can wriggle his way out of this charge."

"No sir. It's all done and dusted. He was cautioned before he coughed to the murder and we have all the evidence plus more than we will ever need in court. Once his sister came on board and blew his alibi out of the water."

"I'm guessing Detective Inspector Cullen's green eyes are to thank for that," he replied knowingly.

"She was putty in his hands," I agree. "I don't think she even realized what she was saying. Edward did the Killer Smile routine and she was panting to give her brother up. There's no way he was at her house when his wife was killed. When we told him his alibi was a lie and his sister had landed him in it, he just crumbled."

"Family loyalty is no defence against Cullen's charms," the Boss replied.

The rest of the morning was spent going over every aspect of the case and by noon, Marcus was a happy camper. No chance of anyone finding a single loophole in our case, it was a done deal.

"So, if nothing else comes up urgently, I guess you and Cullen deserve a few days off. Report in next Monday and we'll talk about your next assignment. Oh, tell Cullen to leave his phone turned on at all times."

"He's having a slight problem with one of his temporary girlfriends," I inform our superior. It's nothing new, but it does remind me to go buy Edward a second phone to keep just for his floozies so they don't interfere with the job.

The aroma of something amazing hits me as I climb the stairs to my apartment. Damn, the man can cook. My taste buds are on full alert and I swallow the saliva pooling in the back of my mouth.

I can't remember when I last ate. I know we had intended ordering in last night but after a couple of bottles of wine, I guess we forgot.

"Honey, I'm home," I call as I enter my apartment and stop in shock at the sight of a brunette sitting on the sofa bed. It's been converted back to a sofa, at least but still, it was an unwritten rule that Edward never brings his women here at all.

"Bella, this is _Jessica_," he emphasizes. "She spotted me when I was out grocery shopping for us, and followed me back. I have explained to her that I never should have cheated on you, and that I regret it , and we are working through this momentary indiscretion together."

I get it. It's my turn to play the outraged cuckolded lover.

"Edward, I said I would try to forgive you," I replied, putting on my sad face. "But you and Jessica have to swear you will never see one another again."

Uh oh. Her eyes light up. She's one of those women who thinks it's a challenge to steal another woman's man. She's looking me over and assessing her chances. Her impressive rack alone is making her feel superior and she thinks she's in with a chance. She has no intention of backing off just because we are a 'couple'.

Now to see where her line is. Maybe she possesses some morals.

I rub my completely flat abdomen and try to concoct a tear or two.

"We have to think of the baby. It can't grow up without it's Daddy. Promise me you two will never speak to one another ever again."

Edward is at my side, his hand over mine as we guard the fictitious embryo. He bends and kisses my stomach.

"I'm so sorry, Baby. I promise to be a wonderful father and never stray from Mommy again. I just panicked. The idea of having to stay with just one woman the rest of my life...and a baby! Can you understand, Jessica? I wasn't of sound mind. I hope we can agree to never contact one another again, for the sake of this little one inside my Darling Bella."

"A baby? How could you?" Jessica rants "That's so low. God, Bella, I'm so sorry. I thought he was single and free. He never mentioned you or the baby, I swear."

She scrolls through her phone and deletes his number and stomps from the room, slamming the door as she mutters all kinds of painful ailments she hopes will befall my partner.

"So," I state. "Seeing I'm pregnant and all, I expect you will be cooking every meal on our week off. I saved your bacon yet again."

"Thanks," he sighs, and returns to his cooking.

"Some detective," I mutter. "Couldn't even shake off your stalker. How did that happen?"

"I guess I was thinking about other things," Edward replies, his piercing green eyes gazing into mine. I have to shake myself before he works his ridiculous panty dropper dazzle on me.

"And no more lip locking. You and I don't do that," I warn.

Lunch is a subdued affair and anyway, the cuisine deserves all of our attention.

"You could be one of those Master Chefs and have your own TV show," I mumble around a mouthful of chicken in creamy white wine sauce, the food of the Gods.

"I'm considering a change, actually," he replies and I freeze.

"No, Edward. Why? We work so well together." My chest hurts and I unconsciously place a hand over my heart to hold the skin together.

"You are never going to allow anything to happen between us while we are partners, are you?" he says.

I have to think fast and get it right.

"Come on. We are great together professionally and we are best friends, Edward. Why risk that? . You know relationships never work for members of the Murder Squad. I'll never be looking for anything serious while I'm on it, and I have no intention of a career change."

He taps his fork on the tablecloth and avoids eye contact. This is just a momentary glitch and we have been through them before. Sometimes one of us gets confused and caught up in the great camaraderie we share, and we momentarily delude ourselves it could lead to more. It's up to the other partner, with the clearer head, to defuse the situation. All this playacting for Mike and Jessica has sent him off balance. It happens.

"You're right. Sorry. I guess I overindulged a little too much last night."

"It's fine," I assure him, glad the moment has passed. "What do you want to do this week? Assuming nobody offs their missus for the next seven days, we have time to chill out and relax."

"I'm thinking of going to see Carlisle and Esme. It's been a while. Mom's phone calls are starting to sound like it's time to visit or suffer through a guilt trip. She wants to spend some 'quality' time with me."

I get the message. I'm not invited on this trip home with him. Maybe he needs some space between us at this point.

"Sounds great. I guess I should check in with my Dad."

"He won't be home. It's the fishing competition this week. You should remember that."

Charlie lives and breathes fishing and he spends fifty one weeks every year waiting for the week of the challenge. His partner, Billy Black, is the only other resident in town that ever manages to catch as many fish as my Dad so each year it was really a two man race, and one or the other always took the trophy. When the rules changed, stating every competitor had to partner up, they teamed up together. I'm pretty sure the judges had assumed Charlie and Billy would never consider working together, and they had hoped their partners would water down their catch totals and allow someone else to have a chance to grab the prize, but it had backfired badly. Now the winners were completely predictable, and the men took turns at keeping the shiny gold statue at their houses.

Edward knew every detail of my life, often better than I did myself.

"Well then, maybe Renee will be up for a visit." I had yet to see her latest house. She and Phil moved about, always looking for the perfect location, and for a while, it would be. Then Mom would get itchy feet and start searching the internet for 'somewhere better'.

"You'll never last a whole week," Edward smirked, coming back to his usual good humour, thankfully.

Crisis averted.

"I bet I can," I replied.

"No way. You and your Mom are too different. She knows you have never warmed to Phil, and anyway, if any of her friends found out she was old enough to have a kid your age, she would die of shame."

"I'll wear my old school uniform and do my hair in pigtails and play a lot of Justin Bieber songs," I answered.

"You could pass for a teenager at that," Edward agreed. "I'm sorry about Jessica turning up here. It was stupid of me not to be aware of my surroundings. I was just thinking about how different things could be if one of us..."

"It's cool. Just don't let it happen again. My fold-out is not suitable for you to share with anyone, anyway. You'd end up with a spring sticking into your bony arse."

"You are assuming I like girl on top," he said with a wink.

"TMI," I shouted, slapping at him.

I stacked the dishwasher and turned it on. Edward lifted down my tattered old suitcase from the top of the wardrobe, and I started tossing things in haphazardly.

Edward growled and tipped everything out again and folded my clothes, rolling up my few dresses, and packing it properly.

"Good thing your women can't see you now, they'd assume you were totally gay," I teased.

"And anyone seeing you pack would assume you were a complete slob, Swan. I don't get you. You refuse to iron yet you throw your clothes into your bag in a way that guarantees you will have to learn that skill once you arrive."

"You forget. I have a guilt ridden mother who wants to do anything to make up for deserting me as a baby. Renee loves doing my ironing."

Edward stood still and I kept my distance as it looked like he wanted to cradle my face again.

He frowned at the gap I was keeping between us.

"Have fun. I'll sleep here tonight if that's okay, and clean this place so you don't come home to a smelly apartment. There's more to cleaning than leaving a window open to blow away the dust, you know."

"Hey it works for me," I replied, reaching for my bag.

Edward picked it up and carried it down to my car and I opened the trunk.

"Yea Gods, don't tell me you brought home the body. This is disgusting," he moaned, shoving food wrappers and God knows what aside to fit in the suitcase.

"So gay, Cullen, so gay. I can't believe you manage to even attract women in the first place, with your ugly face and pathetic scrawny body, and your cleaning fetish. Do you insist they shower before you shag them?"

He blushed and I knew I'd hit the jackpot.

I kissed his cheek hurriedly and jumped in the driving seat before he could return the gesture.

"Say hi to your Mom for me," I called and eased my car into the traffic.

~x~

EPOV

The first time I walked into Bella's apartment, I was gobsmacked that anyone would choose to live in such cramped quarters. She earned good money on the Murder Squad, and could have afforded something a lot larger and nicer. Initially, I'd panicked and wondered if someone was blackmailing her thus diverting her funds but when I walked inside and looked around, her bank statements were laying on her counter top and that clearly was not the case.

Apart from a regular mortgage payment taken by her lender, her funds were building up impressively.

I hadn't meant to look, but she had intrigued me from the day we met and I wanted to know everything about her. She felt like someone I had to protect.

That day, she had gone straight from work out on a date and had slung me her house keys so I could drop off some case notes we had to work on later, so she calmly told me her address and I swung by, intending on merely dropping the file off and leaving. Instead, I'd wandered around the almost square room that provided her with everything she actually needed, and looked at her stuff.

She could hardly be accused of wasting her money. Her white cast iron bed frame was probably the most expensive thing she owned. Her bed was covered in one of those patchwork quilt things women seem to like but underneath was a thick, fluffy white, commercially made comforter. She liked pretty, but not at the expense of being cold.

Her pillows were generic, and both were covered in the most basic unadorned plain white pillowslips.

Her cupboard was half full of generic branded clothing, not a single frock among her jeans and T shirts and hoodies and winter coats of various lengths and thicknesses. The royal blue fitted trench coat was a quality item, my Mom had one the same.

Once again, she had spent money to ward off the cold.

It was a shame she didn't like dresses, because even in the jeans she always seemed to prefer wearing, I could see she had great legs. Very shapely and feminine.

Her underwear was in an open tray on the floor of the wardrobe she had failed to close, and was divided into two piles.

Practical cotton on one side, mischievous lace on the other.

Her bathroom strangely seemed to be used as hanging space for her work clothes but I soon realized she hung them there to take advantage of the steam. The room was badly ventilated so I dare say her garments got a good long steaming after she showered.

Her sofa bed was one of those cheap annoying types that has a mattress you could spit through, ensuring a lousy night's sleep, but I already knew she wasn't fond of guests.

In the kitchen corner her pots and pans were of an excellent brand, and her appliances were new and high quality.

The only truly personal items were on a shelf across the dining alcove wall.

Nothing expensive or ostentatious, just little knick-nacks she had collected during her high school years, I guessed. A framed photo of herself and her father, I would come to learn when I met him that Summer. A second photo of a man in a baseball uniform and a woman who looked something like Bella, only she lacked the beauty her daughter had been blessed with. Bella had her father's colouring and her mother's daintiness.

The third photo was of a teenage Bella with a shy smile and a long haired Indian boy pushed up close to her side, who worshiped her with his eyes. He looked like he was looking at his idea of nirvana.

Who could blame him, she was beautiful even them, with her slightly chubby face that had slimmed as she hit her twenties, and her deep brown liquid eyes that hadn't changed at all.

They were holding hands; he proudly; she slightly embarrassed maybe.

Next to the photos were a collection of hand carved creatures. A lone wolf, with every hair on his body accentuated individually. Three squat bodied birds, all different, all perfectly carved. They'd been gently painted with a colour wash of some type, their feathers so realistic you would almost expect these little gems to take to their wings and fly away.

A painted pebble, washed smooth by the sea, bearing a heart and J.B. Loves I.S 4 ever. I turned it over. "Jake loves Izzy."

I knew someone had once loved her, it was inevitable.

It was even more obvious these days, three years later. After the fiasco that was Riley, I'd watched her date a succession of non-threatening nobodies, and I suspected she had carefully chosen each and every one of them because they lacked whatever she had once been looking for.

Nowadays, she was only in love with the job. She lived and breathed it and came alive whenever Marcus threw our next case our way. Her personal life stopped until the perp was handcuffed and everything had been checked and rechecked and run by Marcus.

Often she forgot dates she had promised, and she would frown , irritated, when a message came through on her personal cell phone. If they were lucky, they got a brief text stating she was working, would be for days or weeks yet, so, yeah, it's been fun. Don't let the door hit you on your way out.

If she was too busy, they just got deleted.

On the odd occasion, after a case was over and neatly tied with ribbon, I would drive Bella home and some forlorn guy would be sitting on her doorstep, flowers in hand, waiting in case today was the day she finally came back home, and she'd panic and turn to me.

To be fair, it had often been weeks or months since we'd been home, so it wasn't that surprising she had forgotten her current beau's name. Too much had happened on the case and she had too little invested in her 'relationships' to think about the man she'd left behind.

That's how the whole fake relationship had begun.

I'd jump out of my car, rush around to open her door, sling an arm around her shoulders or waist and kiss her neck, and she'd blush and stammer out an apology to Mr Right Now and he'd blush and hand her the flowers, as his eyes flicked back and forth between us, and he'd leave, never to be heard of again.

I kept things far simpler. I used women for sex but only ever for a single night. I never wanted to mislead them, and I always hooked up in bars or clubs where girls went for fun, not for a happy ever after. Husband material did not hang out at these places, and so I assumed, neither did potential wives. I preferred the widely known hook up joints, so there was already no expectations of hearts and flowers, but still, I always made very sure the girl in question knew this was a romp in the hay and nothing more.

There had been a time when I wanted what many other men did; the white fence, the house, the wife, maybe in time I would have even wanted kids, but for reasons of my own I took the place offered to me on Murder Squad knowing it was a death knell for happy marriages, and became a playboy instead.

It was like eating tofu instead of steak. It kept my urges satisfied but it was tasteless and emotionally unsatisfying at best. It had been what I needed at the time. All I had been capable of coping with. No promises, no commitments, nothing invested. At worst it was an episode of bad sex. At best an episode of good sex.

Mostly it didn't bother me, but more and more lately, I have started to literally dream of a better future, with Bella.

I know it's not possible if we both stay on Murder Squad, but until today, I thought if I transferred to White Collar Crime or Forgeries, she would consider dating me. However, it seems she has no interest in transferring out herself, and thus it's a moot point. I'd rather stay in the squad and work with her than never see her again.

She does something to me that no other girl ever has, though it's hard to put my finger on exactly what that is. I guess she feels like home.

You know how you feel when you go back to visit the parents and instantly it feels like you have just been wrapped in a wooly blanket and you know these people will always be on your side and want the best for you, yet allow you to choose your own future, even if they would rather you had chosen a safer career path? Well, that's what it feels like in Bella's apartment when she's there.

When she's gone and I'm there alone, it has an entirely different feel.

It's just a place. It's just bricks and mortar and a roof to keep out the weather, and it's furnished with generic furniture and nothing special at all. Then she steps inside and suddenly everything takes on a sparkle. Her things look prettier because they belong to Bella.

In the last three years, I have felt bonded to her in a way I have never felt bonded with anyone else before, even my Mom. It's different, of course, with Bella, because although she is my new home, she is also a sexy and beautiful woman who makes my heart bleed every time she starts dating some fool like Newton, who definitely does not deserve to be allowed to touch her.

I'm always more than happy to play whatever role she wants me to, in order to shoo these boys away and free her again, but I'm starting to realize it's only a benefit to me in so much as she has more spare time to spend with me.

She's never going to consider me as anything more than a friend and partner.

I've worked with women partners before and my policy had always been, get it over with early. Sleep with them, then you can both get down to the job and not have any awkward sexual tension building up, clouding your heads.

Once is enough, in fact, I have always tried to make sure I never entertain the same lady twice, but slip ups have happened now and again. It's hard when none of them mean anything to me other than a night of fun. Their faces morph and merge and I rarely get the hint that I've been there before, though usually they tell me and I abort the mission and head home alone.

Just sometimes I'm worked up from a day and a night of being in close proximity to Bella on a stakeout or such, and my needs over run my good sense.

Two nights can mean something to a girl, and if there's anything I have to avoid it's having any of them want more from me. I don't do more.

They are nothing more than distractions; a means to an end. A tool to allow me a few seconds unthinking release. I don't cuddle afterwards, I never sleepover and the few that make it home to my bed find a taxi waiting at my door for them as soon as the deed is done.

I fucked up with Jessica and left my phone in the bedroom while I showered, and she took my number and put hers in as well. I deleted it, but I knew her knowing mine would not end well.

Maybe a small part of me wanted Bella to see I was attractive to girls, because she acts like I'm nothing special, and a lifetime of being told otherwise by every woman I meet and a majority of the men, tells me otherwise.

I know she hates the beard, but all the same, she seems to relax more when I have it, and stupidly I let that cloud my vision. I assumed she was afraid she would be overwhelmed with passion if I stayed clean shaven or scruffy. I know she loves the scruff; she never misses an opportunity to stroke it, seemingly in jest, but I know she just likes me best that way.

Her eyes change and light up when I walk into work or her place, with a days stubble instead of the beard. She may not even know that herself.

I spend my days turning into some needy girl around her, over analyzing her every word, every look, every action. I'm like a teen girl watching her favourite pop star and trying to make everything he does a sign that he knows she exists and maybe he loves her.

Wait, I don't love her.

That's too extreme. I like her, a lot. I fancy the Hell out of her, and would do anything for a night in her bed. But on the other hand, I already know one night would never be enough, and it would fuel the flame instead of extinguishing it.

She breaks all my rules.

I always pictured myself with a tall, willowy, pencil thin blonde nymphomaniac with a large rack.

Instead my ideal is a five foot two inch tall brunette who hates her curly hair and has no idea how beautiful she is. She throws herself away on loser guys and shakes them off like they are nothing more than raindrops she copped when out walking.

She never mentions them in any meaningful way. She's strictly with them solely because she needs someone to scratch her itch and she likes dating, but the first time anyone starts throwing around the 'L' word, she is gone.

I know she isn't happy with her solution, and I know she would love to be in love and have someone special, but she has to keep a balance and the job will always win. She'd never stand having some guy she loved sitting around waiting for the phone call that says we got unlucky and the perp shot her rather than came along quietly, and her deepest fear is having a child and leaving it motherless. She knows meaningful relationships end in marriage and marriage nearly always wants a kid and that would mean she had to quit and become a desk jockey at best; a librarian at worst.

She's great at what she does and honestly, I would never want a better partner. I trust her completely to always have my back, as I always have hers. I'd take a bullet for her any day, without thought. The world would be a dark, empty place without Bella.

Just as I sit down to eat the reheated leftovers from last night's dinner, my phone beeps.I have a new text message.

Bella has arrived safely, and she assures me, it's great seeing Renee again.

Now for the countdown. First days are always great, Day 2 Renee starts with the 'when are you going to grow up and settle down' routine, Day 3, it's 'you have to meet my friend's son, he has a safe, steady job and you will like him', Day 4 it's all "don't be ridiculous, how can you say he's boring? You had one date. Now go change into a dress, I've invited him for dinner tonight and Phil and I are spending the night at a friend's house so you two can bond', and that's when Bella runs back here.

"_Great. See you' _...let's see,today is Monday, that makes running home day Thursday...'_Thursday"_

"_Haha Cullen, you wish."_

I do wish, actually. But anyway, I will never know because tomorrow I'm heading back to visit my parents and Esme will probably insist I stay the whole week. Bella knows this so she will keep sending me texts every day pretending she has managed to stay at her Mom's, while in reality she will be here, laying in bed, eating Ben and Jerry's to get over the trauma of the visit, watching Casablanca.

After dinner, I strip her bed and stuff her sheets into the washing machine in the kitchen corner, and get a fresh set from her linen press in the bathroom. Just for reaction purposes, I make up her bed, short-sheeting the bottom sheet so she'll be so annoyed she'll call to yell at me, and give away the fact she's back home here.

Then I start cleaning. I don't get why guys who clean are considered 'gay', not everyone can live in a sty. Not that Bella's place is dirty, it's just a bit dusty around the edges. By the time the bathroom is gleaming, the wash cycle is done and I transfer the sheets into the dryer and wash her randomly abandoned clothes that lie around the room.

I'm about to convert the sofa and I realize, tonight, just for one night, I could sleep in her bed. Well, on her bed. I don't want to undo my handy work with the sheets, and also, I don't want her smelling me on her sheets and giving the game away so I lie down on top of her quilt and put my comforter over my body, and push her horrible pillows aside and substitute my own.

Casablanca is indeed in her dvd player so I watch the movie and fall asleep, dreaming of myself sitting behind a grand piano, smoking, watching the girl of my dreams walk into my 'gin joint'.


	2. Chapter 2

It's Murder

Chapter 2

BPOV

Catching up with Renee has been good, but as always, one good long chat and we are both informed of everything that's happened in our lives since our last meeting. By teatime, I am regaled with stories of how amazing my step-father is on the baseball field, and how many devoted fans he has following him around. He's quite the local hero.

Then it just gets awkward as Mom starts demanding to know when I'm going to stop 'playing detective' and get a real life. That means, when am I going to land some sucker and use him for a meal ticket for the rest of my life, and play house.

This time, she brings out the heavy artillery.

"I would like to be a grandmother before I die," she whines, as if her untimely demise is waiting just around the corner.

"Then you should have hung around and had more kids before you deserted us," I answer, blandly.

"You are lucky I didn't. How would you have liked to have to play Substitute Mom to a bunch of younger siblings?"

"If it meant I had a mother who stayed around long enough to let me have some memories of her and my Dad together, then I would have been all for it. Anyway, if you'd had a house full of children, you might have felt compelled to stick around and raise us yourself."

"I don't know where you get the idea that women have to sacrifice their own happiness for that of their children even comes from. That went out with the ark. Sometimes you just know you did a stupid thing, made the wrong choice, and isn't it best to leave and not make more mistakes? Charlie and I wanted such different things. All he ever wanted was a little house and a baby, and a barefooted housewife to iron his shirts and have dinner on the table when he got home after a shift. And to live in the one place all his entire life," she spat, as if that was the worst possible Fate.

"Damn the man for wanting such unreasonable things," I growled sarcastically.

"Bella, I may point out that you don't appear to want a little house and a baby and a man bringing home the bacon, either, or you would have married Jacob when he asked you to. No, you knew you wanted something different. You managed to flee the nest before you had a husband tying you down, and a kid that stopped your social life cold."

"You didn't have to get married and have me, nobody forced you to," I retorted.

Mom looked embarrassed and the penny dropped.

"Oh God, you did. Charlie knocked you up in High School," I stated.

"The end of Senior Year. We knew by Graduation. I had to cancel all my plans to get out of that Godforsaken town."

"There were other alternatives," I shuddered. My life is nowhere near perfect but at least I have a life.

"Not where your Father was concerned. I needed money to travel, and he made a deal with me. If I hung around long enough for you to be born, he'd sign over his inheritance to me so I could go find the life I really wanted."

"Dad knew you always intended leaving? Why did you marry him?"

"Because it was what was done back then. Girls didn't go around having illegitimate babies, and Charlie wanted you to have his name. And to legally be his daughter, born within a marriage. It was hardly meaningful. I did it for him."

Or for the money, I guessed.

"So, does this theoretical grandbaby have to be born within a marriage?" I asked. I had no intention of ever having kids, but I was interested in what she was thinking.

"It would be nice. I'd like a handsome son-in-law to boast about, and that partner of yours is very attractive, Bella. Not that you seem to notice."

"Pfft," I smirked. "I'm not dead. I know Edward is gorgeous. I also know he's just as married to the job as I am. Forget that. The day I consider getting married is the day I meet some guy with steel balls who can handle me doing my job and not whine for me to leave it; but even then I can't see myself ever having a kid. Too much responsibility."

"How can you say that yet not understand why I left?" she argued.

"Hey, I know this already. I didn't get knocked up and give birth before I decided a child did not suit my lifestyle."

"Lucky you. I know for a fact you and Jacob took some foolish chances before you got smart and asked me to take you to get contraception, Bella. You could have ended up in the same boat as me."

That was true. Jake and I never expected to go as far as we did but teenage hormones have a power all of their own. We had dodged a few bullets before I'd been made bulletproof. Of course, nothing is ever one hundred per cent so even my affairs these days could possibly have unhappy consequences. I was safely implanted with a contraceptive device, and always insisted on the guy using a condom, but I guess some sperm can get through anything. I'd actually had a conversation with Edward about this very thing during a stakeout on our last case, and he'd said if anything ever happened, he'd have my back.

I had refused to ask him what he meant. Maybe he just meant he'd find me someplace to go to get a termination, but I didn't really believe that was what he was offering. It was starting to get a little awkward, with his offers to protect me outside of work. I wasn't his responsibility and I didn't know why he thought I was.

But he could not have meant he'd step in and play the role of Baby Daddy, surely? Guys don't do that. God knows, it's hard enough these days to even get them to stick around when they themselves put the baby inside you in the first place. That reminded me.

"I think I'll go see Alice and my Godson in the morning," I informed my Mom. By lucky coincidence, my best friend was living in the neighboring town to my Mom, not that it would last long. Renee would start wanting to move again soon.

After forcing down an overflowing plate of eggs and bacon and sausage and whatever else my Mom needed to cook to feel like a 'Good Mother', I finally stood up and hoped my stomach didn't explode.

"Invite her back for dinner some night this week," Mom said, as I gathered my jacket and car keys. My lips twitched, It seemed Alice was no longer a 'floozy' for having a baby out of wedlock; now she was someone my Mom wanted me to emulate, if I wouldn't go the more ideal route and get married first. She would settle for a grandbaby even if it had no resident Daddy. It was my choice.

Alice had never chosen this. She was seemingly safely engaged to James when she conceived and we'd all assumed either they would move the date of the wedding up, before she started showing, or wait until she got her tiny waist back after delivery.

As it happened, neither were on James' agenda and he did a midnight flit, never to be seen again. My Dad had been heartbroken, because he has always loved Allie as a second daughter, and her moving away to live with her parents had been a blow to him. He'd offered her a home and wanted to help out with the baby when it came, but our hometown was too small a place for something like that to happen without a scandal and a lot of gossiping and innuendos. Allie just felt it would be wrong for people to look at Charlie like they would; wondering if he had defiled his daughter's best friend and playmate, who he had known since we started Kindergarten together.

Personally, I've never given a toss what other people thought, and wished she had taken up his offer.

He'd have moved downstairs into the guestroom and given Allie his bedroom and baby Tom would have been installed into my childhood room. Let's face it,it would not have needed much updating, it still had the same wallpaper on the walls from when it was my nursery. I'd shared my room all my school years with Humpty Dumpty and his teddy bear friends smiling at me from the wallpaper border around the middle of my walls.

Alice threw her door open and rushed into my arms, surprising me. She had never been an overly demonstrative person but it seemed the months back under her parents roof had affected her somewhat.

"Bella," she squealed, grabbing around my torso, squeezing me in a death grip. "I'm so happy to see you. It's been a nightmare."

"Why have you stayed then?" I asked.

"No money, nowhere to escape to, nobody willing to help us. My parents agreed it's their duty to support us but at a price. I've reverted back to being the child in the house and Tom is the shameful secret. I mean, everyone knows about him but Mother likes to pretend no-one knows he is here. I'm never allowed to take him to the playground, or anything. You'll notice the curtains are all closed. If nobody sees him, he doesn't exist."

"Really? How ridiculous. Why don't you make my Dad's year and go back and live with him?"

"Bella, you know I couldn't do that. Mother thinks people gossip here, but it's nothing compared to Forks."

"I have an idea. Come back to Boston with me. My apartment building has vacancies and there's a creche next door. You have your certificate, you could work there in the Newborn Nursery or pre Kinder group, and have Tom in the room next door. I imagine they prefer mother's working there don't mind their own kids, but he'd be in the same building. You could feed him in your breaks."

"That would be ideal but I don't have the money for a bond on an apartment or anything."

"Alice, I told you when Tom was born that I wasn't buying him a plastic duck or a baby outfit. I owe him a gift and this can be it. I can afford it, believe me. I'll cover your rent until you get a job and have some savings. Just say yes."

I could see she wanted to. More than anything.

I had wished to come across James in one of our cases for a while now, preferably as the guy in the bodybag. It would be cool knowing he had a bad ending. Douchebag. Casting Alice aside for daring to continue her pregnancy instead of following his orders. I hated him anyway, from the first day we met, when he did that leering smirk at me. First chance he got, when Alice left the room, he had the nerve to invite me over to his place sometime when he could shake off Alice. For some 'consensual adult fun and games'.

I accidentally kneed him in the balls, but then, clumsy is my middle name.

"When are you going home? This is the only day I get alone. Mother is here every other weekday and of course, weekends are all spent in Church praying for my soul. I have to get out today or they'll stop me."

"Not a problem," I replied. Renee and I were pretty much talked out, and another six days...yeah. No.

We threw Alice's and the baby's belongings into a suitcase and several bin liners and packed them into my car and then she removed the baby car seat from her Mom's car and strapped it in as well.

Tom was intrigued; I guess rarely being allowed out into the world made everything interesting for him, and we headed to Renee's.

Alice brought the baby inside and Mom hurriedly served tea and rapidly put together sandwiches and I explained I had to go home because Edward had called to tell me we had a new case.

I was hoping that wouldn't happen, but you how it is; you state a lie and Fate decides to make it true. Like when you make up an excuse to avoid a party you know will bore you rigid..._I'd love to come but I have the most horrendous cold..I know, right. Such a shame..._and next day you wake up with a streaming nose and pounding headache and a fever thrown in for good measure.

I'd probably get home and be told someone had gone on a murder spree and half the population of Boston had been slaughtered.

We managed to jam my case in the trunk as well though once Mom helped me clean out the garbage that had accumulated, there was a surprising amount of space actually.

Tom slept most of the trip and Alice kept looking back, as though she half expected her parents to be pursuing us with the local sheriff.

It was dark by the time we arrived; and I hustled Allie and the baby upstairs. Tomorrow would be soon enough to ask about vacancies in this building. A few residents had moved out recently, and would be looking for a temporary tenant until their place sold. There would be something affordable going begging. Tonight she would have to have my bed, and I'd get to experience the joys of my pull-out. No doubt I would soon rue the day I chose it, and wish I'd loosened the purse strings and bought something remotely comfortable.

I unlocked the door and ushered my friend in and reached for the light switch. Alice stopped dead still and laughed.

"I know it's tiny and cramped but there's only me and it's close to work and anyway, I'm saving up for..."

"Bella," she cut me off mid spiel. "Somebody's sleeping in your bed and I don't think it's Goldilocks, though the hair's pretty accurate. Maybe it's Papa Bear."

I turned and sighed.

"That's just Edward. I thought he was going home to visit his parents already. I refuse to believe my apartment was _that _dirty that it took him all day yesterday to get it clean. I wonder if there's any of that chicken dish he cooked in the fridge. Let's check."

"Let me get this straight. He cleans, he cooks, he looks like a Greek God, and you refer to him as 'just Edward'. Is he gay or are you stupid?"

"A little of both apply, probably," I chuckled. "Okay, he's not gay, he's a bit of a whore, actually. I guess he's okay looking. And he makes a wonderful cleaner and chef. If things were different..."

"What things? I can't imagine he is taken. No woman in her right mind would allow that to sleepover anywhere but in her own bed, surely. I think I'd keep him handcuffed to my bed frame if he was mine."

"Alice, behave. Though who knows, maybe a whipping is just what he needs to get him back in line, and keep him away from the skanks."

"I don't believe you," she hissed. "You sleep with boring morons and you have this on offer?"

I laughed.

"Edward would not seriously consider I was anywhere near in his league. Look at his face, girl. He deserves someone special and just as beautiful as he is. That's hardly going to be me."

"How about me?" she smirked.

For some reason, I didn't find her joke even mildly amusing. It just disturbed me. Him going with faceless strangers was one thing, but if he fell in love with Alice? I didn't think I could handle that.

"Bella, I was joking. I'm done with men. When it comes to the crunch, they all suck."

"I'll bring up your bags, you make coffee," I suggested, putting Tom down onto the sofa.

When I got back upstairs, Alice was clapping her hands with delight. I wasn't sure what could be so magical in my kitchen area.

"I have seen these coffee makers but they cost a bomb. Who'd have thought a confirmed tea drinker like you would splash out on one? I'm seriously impressed."

"I don't have a coffee machine," I replied, puzzled.

"Then Santa has come early. What's this then?"

I had no idea but it took up half my work area. It would look more at home in a upscale coffee house than here.

"I guess it's Edward's," I concluded, sniffing the air. God, this was better than any air freshener.

He was turning me into a coffee addict.

"Mine," Edward moaned and Alice raised her eyebrows and grinned. He appeared to be asleep, and several empty wine bottles were on the floor on either side of my bed, which he had no right to be in.

"You or the coffeemaker?" Alice asked. "What's 'his'?"

I slapped her.

"Pour him a cup, it never fails to wake him when coffee's on offer and I'll go see if the Super can lend us a crib for the night."

Felix's room was on the bottom floor so I headed down and knocked.

He smiled, always happy to see me, maybe because I'm one tenant who never bitches and wants him to fix something. I own my apartment, well, it's the joint property of me and the bank for another two months, but I just prefer fixing my things myself or calling in a professional. Felix had two dozen apartments to oversee, all but one larger than mine, and the tenants were never shy to insist he fixed their things even if it was something they'd broken themselves by their own recklessness.

"Hi, I was wondering if you still have that Porta-crib? I have a friend staying over with her baby. We'll buy our own tomorrow once the stores open..."

"Sure. Actually the old one got nicked, so you will be the first to use this one."

I hadn't even thought how Alice may feel about putting her precious child into a crib an unknown amount of strange babies had slept in.

"I'll carry it up for you. It's a little awkward getting it up all the stairs."

He carried it to the door, then held up a finger as his phone rang.

"Alec. Right. 9am, I'll be here. No problem at all. We are all going to miss your smiling face, you know."

He ended the call.

"Is Alec off on vacation?" I asked. I barely knew the man, but he did own the very pick of the apartments here in the building. It had been a big, empty loft space and he was an architect so over a series of months, we'd seen it go from cold, basic hole with too tall walls and too many windows, to a dream house anyone would kill to own. Including me. I think in my job I'd know how to cover my tracks and get away with murder, but the problem was, Alec was hardly going to bequeath his place to the woman who only went to his parties to admire his home.

I drooled over his bedroom.

The man himself was hardly interesting, and he tended to drone on endlessly about what improvements he had made to the place, but I would have listened to him discussing the price of chicken manure if it got me inside his place to fantasize about it being my home.

"He's moving on. You know how he is. The loft is perfect so he's bored with it and he's found the 'most amazing' old tin shed somewhere that he plans to work his magic on next. Tomorrow there's a realtor coming with a photographer at nine and I have to let them in."

I stood dead still, as if I'd be turned into a marble statue.

"I want it."

"Bella, we all want it, but who could afford it? He wants half a mill. If it was on the good side of town it'd get two mill no worries. It's just that this is hardly the type of neighbourhood the rich and spoiled want to live."

"I want it," I repeated. I had almost, exactly, to the penny, half a million dollars in my account. I'd bought my one room; my cheap furniture, my non branded clothing, my homemade lunches, so I could save every spare penny in the secret hope one day Alec would get hit by a bus and his heirs would not want to live here and would sell the place.

I'd actually expected the place to go for seven hundred thou easily, but I was never going to admit that.

"Please tell him I want to buy it. Now. Call him."

Alec shrugged and leaned the crib against the doorway.

"Alec, Miss Swan is wondering if you would be willing to sell the loft to her? Yes, I told her the asking price and she didn't faint or anything. I dare say the cops get a special deal on mortgages at the bank."

"Okay. I'll bring her up."

He turned to me.

"There are a couple of issues he has to discuss with you but he sounds delighted that someone who obviously loves his little palace wants to buy it and not some stranger. He has requested our presence."

I came the closest I ever have since I was two years old to wetting my pants. Just imaging it may be possible to pull this off was a dream come true.

Alice and Edward were sitting side by side on my sofa, laughing together, and to my surprise, Edward had Tom balanced on his lap.

"Here's the crib. It's new; no grotty babies have used it. I'll be right back."

I shut the door and followed Felix upstairs.

"There is a private elevator, but it only has access on the ground floor, basement garage and top floor, of course. You'll enjoy that. No more lugging your groceries up flights of stairs."

I would have gladly lugged my groceries up fifty floors if it meant I got to live in that palace.

Alec opened the door and handed me a champagne glass full of sparkling wine, and he kissed the top of my head.

"Isabella, I can't tell you how happy I am that you are considering buying this little place off me. I love the way you spill tears down your cheeks every time I show you my bedroom."

Felix raised his eyebrows.

"Now, just a couple of things. Remember the grand piano? Of course you do, you've heard various friends of mine tickle the ivories at my wonderful soirees. Well, when we were converting this place, we had it lifted in by crane before the front wall was rebuilt and that means it is not going anywhere, ever, so it has to stay, Sweetie. Is that going to work for you?"

I nodded mutely. I had sat through a dozen piano lessons as a child and I could play "Happy Birthday" and "Mary Had A Little Lamb" with two fingers. I would probably never insult the amazing white grand piano by doing that but it was a thing of beauty and I'd be thrilled just looking at it. Maybe I would find myself a gay friend like Alec had, who played.

"The other issue is, the bed."

Oh God, kill me now. Please, please make him say the bed can't be moved. His brass bed made Edward's look shabby. Ish.

"I am never going to manage to create quite the right setting again for _that _bed...I am hoping you will accept it as part of the deal."

I guess I came as close in that moment as I ever have, to falling in love. I wanted to throw myself at Alec and wind my legs around his body, and kiss the living daylights out of him. He'd hardly enjoy the experience, with him batting for the other team, but what the Hell. I'd bring Edward up here and let Alec touch his stubble or something.

"How much extra for the piano and the bed?" I asked, rapidly wondering what I could sell. Really, I could afford a small mortgage, on top of my savings if necessary.

"Bella, Sweetheart, I would not dream of asking you for a single penny extra. You would be the one doing me the favour. I created that loft bedroom for that bed. It needs to live here forever and I know I can trust you to keep it, and worship it as it deserves. You can swing the asking price?"

"Half a million dollars? I can scrape it together," I assured him.

"Good girl. Then Felix, cancel this person who was coming tomorrow and Bella and I will sign the contracts and get things moving. I need to move out in three days so feel free to live here from then as my guest, until the contracts are exchanged and it becomes your little slice of Paradise. Now, Alec needs his beauty sleep if he's going to start drawing up plans for the new place, so we'll say goodnight. I'll call you in the morning, sweetie and we'll do the necessary."

"Thank you so much. I promise I won't change a single thing. It's perfect," I murmured. It felt like I was floating above my own body.

"Of course it is," Alec replied, closing the door behind us.

"So, I hope you'll still lower yourself to talk to us lowly staff once you move into the penthouse. I can just see you sitting up there in the roof garden, dangling your feet in the pool."

"There's a roof garden?" I choked. "And a pool?"

"Heated, of course. It's very pretty up there. I am surprised you have never seen it."

"I guess I've never managed to get past Alec's bedroom. It's just so amazing, you know."

Felix shrugged.

"I admit I'm confused to why Alec has taken you to his bedroom at all, but whatever. None of my business. I am the soul of discretion. Nobody will ever hear about it from my lips." he mimicked turning an imaginary key in his mouth and I bit back the urge to laugh.

Admittedly I had done some moaning and drooling and possibly even experienced a tiny spontaneous orgasm in Alec's bedroom, but only from looking at how everything had such exquisite detail in such a beautiful room. The man had never even been in there when I'd snuck in to look.

And soon it would be mine.

Of course, it would have no furniture, maybe for years but I'd have a bed and a grand piano, what more did a girl need?

~x~

EPOV

Bella's little friend Alice was just a laugh a minute and I kept hearing in my head "_you have to introduce this girl to Jasper. They would be perfect."_

My younger brother had a bad habit of choosing girls that were not good for him, so maybe it was time for someone else to choose for him. The last disaster had lasted four long years. Hurricane Maria, our Dad called her.

Not because she was a ball of energy; but because she left a trail of destruction behind her wherever she went. She had accepted Jasper's marriage proposal then called the wedding off three days before it was due to happen. He'd been in pieces for months afterwards, then just when we started thinking he would survive, she came back. All smiles and in total surprise to hear how he'd suffered.

He'd been wary as Hell of her for months but she'd wormed her way back into his heart and we'd all waited for the other shoe to drop. Sure enough, she 'met someone' and disappeared again.

Dad and Mom had sold up and moved far away, leaving no forwarding address with anyone, in the hope Maria would never find him again, and so far it had worked.

Money was never an issue in our family, so over the past few months they'd lived in California, New York and now they were trying something completely different.

Some little never heard of town in Washington.

Dad was looking for a house worthy for my Mom to live in, because Carlisle had always believed Esme deserved nothing but the best, and apparently large fancy houses were not the norm in the town they were interested in settling in. Even so, Mom loved the area.

I'd sent a text asking for details of where they actually were now, and was waiting to hear back before I headed to the airport.

It helps to know your exact destination before you leave.

As a result, I'd stayed at Bella's another night and got caught out.

Alice found it amusing, but Bella had completely ignored me when she and the Super had dropped off the Portacrib, so I imagined I was in trouble.

Alice had insisted she would clean up the dead soldiers and put them in Bella's glass recycling bin, and she'd poured me coffee and even let me hold her baby.

I'd never really seriously given any thought to having a child until tonight. This kid was cool. I couldn't help thinking if Alice did meet Jasper and they clicked, everybody would assume this was his son, anyway. Tom had the same ice blue eyes my dad and brothers had, and the same blonde curls my younger brother alone had inherited from our grandfather.

My colouring came from our Mom, and it was anybody's guess where our older brother Emmett got his black curls from.

"The milkman," Carlisle joked, but if there was one thing we never doubted, it was that our Mom had always been faithful to him. To her, other men did not exist in any way apart from their profession. She didn't notice handsome faces or well developed bodies; to her they were 'the butcher', 'the pharmacist' etc, nothing more.

Carlisle was her 'pin-up boy' and always would be. We all craved for the type of love they shared and until recently, I admit, I assumed it was something only they would ever have.

But Bella made me feel like it was something I could have as well, if she would just see me differently, and now, here beside me was Jasper's 'One'. I had no doubts. It was as if they were looking for one another and just needed a nudge.

Maybe I should ask Alice to come home with me, when I found out where home was.

Bella's Dad lives in Forks, Washington, and it would be convenient if my parents ended up somewhere close by to him, but Washington is a big state and Forks is hardly a stand out town, so what were the chances.

My phone beeped and I excused myself to Alice and opened the text.

"_Just fly into Sea Tac and I'll meet you. It's a bit of a trip to the town here but it is lovely drive. Very green. The local Police Chief is Bella's father, what are the chances? It seems he will be the one handing out tickets to your brothers when they break the speed limits. Looking forward to your visit. We are temporarily renting a nice house out in the forest but I think your Mom has fallen in love with it. The boys think it is 'awesome' but then, it does have a six car garage. Enough said."_

I laughed.

"It seems my parents have moved to Forks."

"Oh wow. I love Forks. My aunt lived there until she died. She raised me. I went to school with Bella. My parents knew from when I was just a toddler than I was a 'wrong'un' and agreed to leave me in her capable hands. If she was alive today, I'd still have a home."

"That's fucked up," I replied. She'd told me about her loser ex and how she got left holding the baby, and it seemed, turning to her parents for help had been the worst thing she could have done.

How crazy is that?

Just because I have wonderful parents I sometimes forget not everyone else does.

While Alice fed her son, I got cracking and started cooking up Bella's favourite pasta meal and hoped it would go some way to getting me some Brownie points. I needed them. I had a feeling just as kissing her had been 'a mistake' in Bella's eyes, sleeping on her bed was an even bigger one.

Fuck, the sheets!

My little joke would backfire badly the mood she had been in. She looked like she could barely contain her emotions when she was here before.

I stripped off the linen while the pasta and pot of homemade meat sauce simmered, and remade the bed properly.

Alice raised an eyebrow.

"I love it! I haven't short sheeted her bed since we were in dorm at college together. She really loses her cool when anyone does that, you do know, right?"

"I've never done it before," I stated. "Well, not to Bella. My brothers and I were always doing dumb shit like this when we were kids. I just thought she'd fake still being at Renee's long after she came home, so I figured she'd forget to keep up the pretence and call to yell at me when she tried to get into bed."

"Then she would be doubly mad," Alice pointed out. "Do you have a photo of your brothers? I wish I had a brother."

"You can have one of mine," I replied, smirking. I just knew what was going to happen when Jas saw this little dynamo. He would be asking "Maria who?"inside a week. Alice would fill his heart and show him not all females were bitches who needed a good hiding.

I don't hit women but if I ever change my policy about that, I will seek out Maria and thrash the living daylights out of the bitch.

Alice predictably looked a little taken back at the size of Emmett, then smiled and ran a finger over the image of Jasper. I knew it!

"Wow, your parents have produced three beautiful sons. You are all different to one another but quite amazing."

No prize for guessing who she thought was the most attractive. She glanced longingly at my blonde haired bro and reluctantly handed the photo back. It didn't bother me at all because I knew Bella thought I was the prettiest, by far. She adored Emm and Jas, but in a brotherly fashion that I could live with.

Just as I drained the pasta, Bella appeared.

She looked rather shell-shocked.

Alice lay the sleeping baby in the crib and walked over to her friend.

"Okay, either Chris Hemsworth just kidnapped you and pulled you into his apartment for a fun time, or...you won lotto?"

"I just bought a new apartment," Bella replied breathlessly.

I felt an instant pang of regret. I loved that she lived here, on the less 'desirable' side of town and didn't care what anybody thought about that fact. Every other female I'd met had been impressed because I lived in the best part of town, but Bella thought it was ridiculous how people paid four times the price for the same sized apartments there just because somebody had decided they were worth more in that area.

She had a point.

Here the residents lived in closer proximity to one another but had a sense of community. Over in The Heights, we had high fences and security buildings with doormen and often never even saw who lived in the same building.

We had more choices of fine dining, but she had two restaurants she loved right on her doorstep, and who needed more choice than that?

It wasn't as if she dined out often. I thought she really loved living here, even if she had a single room and no interior walls.

"Where is it?" Alice asked.

"Upstairs," Bella replied. "It's amazing, Alice. This architect bought it when it was just an open warehouse and he put in a mezzanine floor and created this loft bedroom that you won't believe...it has a claw footed tub in the bedroom! I love it!"

"So, here you at least get a separate bathroom and it's better?" Alice questioned.

"I'll show you this week when he moves out. It has two normal bathrooms as well, and four guest rooms and an enormous open sitting room with cathedral ceilings, and a gourmet kitchen..."

"Wow. How did you afford it?" her friend asked.

"Savings, Alice. I've saved every dollar possible all my working life in the hope I'd one day own that loft. Of course, I can't afford to furnish it, but it does have a brass bed and a grand piano."

"So, two places to have sex," her friend chuckled.

"Allie! It's a grand piano. Nobody would sully an instrument like that by shagging on it, surely."

"If you say so. Does the kitchen have counter tops?"

"My God, you are perverted," Bella replied. "I would never have sex on a bench where food was prepared. That would just be...unhygienic."

"Not to mention dangerous with all those knives and such," I added.

Bella sat down and I served dinner.

"So, Edward, how did you end up sleeping in my bed?" she asked as she twirled the pasta around her fork.

"I got scared of those lethal springs you were warning me about," I joked.

Bella's face dropped. Fuck.

"God no, I didn't bring anyone here. I wouldn't do that."

She relaxed and shot me a small apologetic smile.

"So, what will you do with this apartment?" I asked.

"I haven't thought about it. You'll come live with me in the new place, right?"

For one delirious second, I thought she was speaking to me.

Alice shrugged.

"You could rent this place to me and Tom. I'll find a job as soon as possible and pay my own way. You can't just take us on as charity cases. You must have mortgages, you property tycoon."

"I have two payments to go on this place and I can swing the asking price on the loft without any mortgage if I don't furnish the place. I mean, I could buy things each paycheck. Just get a few basics and replace them with something better when I have savings again. I guess if you moved into the loft with me, I could rent this out unfurnished so at least you will have my old bed, and Edward will still have his uncomfortable pull-out sofa to suffer on. I don't want to live in a place that big all alone."

"Then I insist on buying you a new sofabed as a housewarming gift," I stated, cheering up considerably now I knew nothing was going to change. I was still allowed to sleep over. In fact, I'd buy her a whole lounge suite.

"Okay, seeing you will be the one sleeping on it, but nothing else, Edward. Don't get any ideas about paying for my furniture yourself."

Alice gave me a wink. I had a feeling she would help me sneak some furniture in, and maybe we could come up with a way to explain it.

Sure enough, when Bella went off to the bathroom, Allie whispered conspiratorially to me.

"It'd be cool if you were about to buy all new furniture for yourself and had nowhere to put your current stuff. I'm guessing money is not a problem for you. I know that's an Eton shirt you are wearing and how much it must have cost you. Not to mention those shoes. Berluti never had that style on sale in this country, where did you get them?"

Bella knew less about brands than a chicken did, so I was surprised that Alice, who seemed to be penniless, knew them so well.

"I got them in London last time I went over for a vacation," I replied.

She nodded her approval.

"Back in the day, when I had money, I bought Bella a Gucci blouse once. She cut the tag out because it itched. Can you believe that?"

I laughed. "Bella will always be Bella. I bet it's one of the garments she hangs in the bathroom."

Alice looked outraged.

"It's midnight blue."

I nodded. "I love that blouse on her. It makes her skin look amazing. I'm sure she has no idea what you would have paid for it or she'd shove it in the back of her closet and never wear it in case anyone thought she was 'being posh'".

Bella's home phone rang and she hurried out to answer it.

"Really? Yes, indeed, that would be great. Now? Cheers, talk to you later. And thank you."

She hung up and turned to us.

"That was Alec... he has to go out for the evening unexpectedly but he knows me too well. He said if I want to get another look in the apartment through new eyes as the almost owner, to go up now and he'll let me in before he leaves. Do you two want to come and see what I just bought?"

Alice jumped up and almost ran for the door, then remembered Baby.

"Oh darn. I guess I will have to wait until he let's you have a daytime visit. I don't have anyone to watch Tom."

"Not a problem, we can take him. He never wakes up once he's settled for the night, no matter what, you said," Bella answered.

"Let's do this," I added. I wanted to see what Bella's apartment of choice was like. I knew this one could not be her idea of the perfect place to live. It had always been a stopgap and now we knew why. It was cheap and she could keep saving the majority of her wage even as she paid off this mortgage.

Bella led the way, and I carried the sleeping infant against my shoulder. It seemed young Tom could sleep through anything. He was heavier than I'd expected, but my job demanded I work out and keep fit so he was no challenge to my arms. They were used to bearing weights.

"It has an elevator but it doesn't stop on all floors so we have to use the stairs," Bella explained with a shrug.

"I didn't get to the gym today anyway," I replied.

"Goodness me, this place is going to impress the boys," Alice said, looking about in awe at the high ceiling and mezzanine half floor above us.

"I'm never bringing any casual acquaintances back here. Sex is not worth the effort, anyway. I have my house now, and I plan to spend my nights stamping my own brand on this place and making it truly mine. I won't need another outlet for my energy. Everything I have is going into making this place perfect."

Bella was going to try celibacy? I'd never considered that a viable option. What happened to men who didn't have sex of any form? Their balls probably spontaneously combusted into dust.

When I met females, I always categorized them into Untouchable; if they were related to a case and could possible be our suspect, and never thought of them as females again. If the main suspect was not obvious, they were perps, witnesses, givers of false alibis, aiders and abettors.

If not a suspect, they were then looked over more carefully. Some would have the personality and attitude I was looking for; Fun Time girls.

Others had the look and vibe of a woman searching for her mate, and they had the power to instantly shrivel any response in my pants. I either called those girls "Ma'am" and pretended I'd assumed anyone their age was already married and pissed them off that way or if necessary, I bought out the big guns, and inferred she must have an 'understanding girlfriend' somewhere in her life. 'What, you aren't gay? I'm sorry, I just assumed...'

Oh, they hate that one, and avoid me like the plague themselves and only ever shoot me glares of hate from then on.

On the work front, as I said, I usually just got it out of the way and defused the bomb from the beginning, and every time we were on a stakeout together I confided in them about some woman I was pursuing, real or more often, imagined; just so they knew we had gone as far as I ever intended us to go, and they either got huffy for a while, or started telling me back about some guy who got away and I'd offer some ideas, but really, we all know the truth.

If he wasn't that into you, nothing would change that.

You were what you were to every guy you met and if he'd put you in the dreaded friend category, or had already taken you up on your offer but refused seconds, then you needed to forget him and move on.

Men do not harbour secret feelings. If they like what they see, they attempt to possess it, temporarily or permanently. If temporarily, and he says he isn't looking for a relationship right now, that means he isn't into you, no matter how 'perfect' you may think the two of you are as a couple. It isn't going to happen so don't demean yourself by chasing after him and throwing yourself at him at every opportunity. He has made his decision and the most you will get is a guy who thinks 'hey, she's offering sex on a plate, while not avail myself to that while I'm looking for my One, or for my next conquest." Either way, he is not into you like you want him to be.

There will be no words of love, no affectionate touches, no longing to be back beside you when we part. No flowers or three hour phone calls in the middle of the night because he misses you.

We think we have made everything clear and above board but sometimes we do miss the cues that you still think this is headed somewhere, despite our actions and reactions..

Sometimes we do pick up on it; when we meet a 'Jessica' and then we need to abandon ship fast and get out of Dodge.

Which is why I rarely hook up in my own neighbourhood.

Bella's neighbourhood had always been more convenient, because afterwards I could kiss the girl goodbye and drive to Bella's place and claim my usual spot on her couch, not face an hour in traffic. Sometimes, if the girl kissed me back in the wrong way, I'd check the time and shrug and add "I should get home. The wife believes I work late but she is never going to buy that I work all night long."

That's usually enough said. Even if they really do fancy me, what sensible girl wants to take on a proven cheater? Why put themselves through the drama of coming between man and wife when they know in time it could be them sitting at home in the dark, watching the door, waiting for me to come home smelling of some other woman's perfume?

Men can be pigs, of that there's no question and it never bothered me if my conquests saw me that way. If I had any real interest in them, I would not have gone home with them from the bar the first night we met.

Bella was the only exception to that rule, amongst many of my other rules that had always protected and guided me.

I was desperate enough to be with her that if she offered me a single night in her bed, I'd take it. I would just have to make it such an amazing night she would forget to kick me out once we were done, though I knew a night with her would go on forever. We'd still be trying to get enough of one another when the dawn broke.

More than anything I wanted to see that spark in her eyes that said I was what she wanted as well.

So far she had done nothing to indicate she would ever see me how I wanted her to, but for some reason, I was the one being the blind fool here, and waiting for the day that changed.

I'd only ever kissed a girl with feeling once and Bella had neither noticed the message I was trying to give her, nor reciprocated. She'd hardly even kissed me back.

After all the girls I'd used and kissed without any feelings other than lust, I guess I deserved it.

Karma can be quite the bitch.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chrissy Amphlett and the guys wrote the lyrics to the song I've borrowed here, "I Touch Myself." **

It's Murder

Chapter 3

EPOV

When I joined the squad, I pretty much knew I'd be teamed with the token female, just for being the new boy. That was fine with me. If it came down to sitting in a car overnight, doing surveillance on some perp, I'd much rather be stuck with a sweet smelling female than some middle aged old fart with hygiene issues. Most of the older guys were divorced and had no wife at home reminding them to shower.

Two years in Domestic Violence had been as much as I could stomach, but even so, I think I was transferred out because my partner had reported she was concerned if I encountered too many more douchebag bullies who were using their wives and kids as punching bags I'd probably end up on an assault charge, if not murder.

Detective Swan seemed to know all about me, and at first I was quite prepared to do the deed and get the whole thing over with, but something stopped me cold.

It's hard to explain because it took me two and a half years to understand it myself.

She was nothing like my ideal; not physically, and definitely not personality wise; I preferred them with as little personality as possible so I never had to think of them as human beings with feelings and hopes and dreams.

She was mouthy and managed to keep the other men in the squad in line and laughed with them when they laughed at her and made her the butt of their politically incorrect jokes; but she always managed to put them back in their place quick smart.

Of course, I didn't even consider there would ever be anything serious between us, so I started my usual pre-seduction spiel and invited her out for a drink.

I barely listened to her reply, just assumed she was biting her lip and twirling a tendril of her hair around a finger as she looked me over and tried not to come across too eager, even though she would be.

I know that sounds really arrogant but it was the way it always had been in the past; why would she be any different?

"Tonight?"she questioned.

"Sure, tonight is good; Marcus wants us to look over some case notes anyway so why not make a night of it." I answered, looking out of the glass partition that separated us from the hallway, and wondering if the receptionist was going to bend over any further and show me what she was made of. In that mini skirt, the world was her gynecologist. We all knew she was female but she seemed intent on proving it.

I was earmarking her to be my next conquest after this obligatory tryst with Detective Swan, when Bella leaned over and indicated for me to come in closer.

"Am I the first girl you have ever invited out for a drink? It's okay, I get that gay guys in this job need a 'beard' to hide their 'true nature'. Just remember next time, it's bad form to be leering at someone else while you are asking a girl out."

"A beard?"I replied, confused.

"Fag hag, whatever."

"I'm not gay," I denied crossly, as the real insult sunk in.

"Really? Are you a cross dresser then?"

"I believe this comes under the heading of sexual harassment," I barked back, completely thrown.

"Hey, I'm fine with being partnered up with a cross dresser. No offence meant. I was just going to ask you if you had a decent dress I could borrow for the date I'm going on tonight."

I was so flummoxed at her behaviour, I almost fell into her trap and pointed out I was six foot three and she wasn't so any dress I owned was not going to fit her by any stretch of the imagination but I caught myself in time.

"Do you think you are funny?" I grumbled.

"Nah, put it down to eyelash envy. I know God hates me but really? I have to team up with a guy with the most amazing eyelashes on Earth? I wonder if I pulled them out and stuck them in my eyelids, if they'd transplant."

"You like my eyelashes?"I said, confused again. Was she insulting me or complimenting me? It could not be good if I couldn't even tell the difference.

"Must save you oodles on mascara. Here's my keys. I've written down my home address, just drop the files there and I'll peruse them when I get in."

Nobody else was in the room, so I couldn't understand why she was speaking to me that way. In time I came to realize she made a habit of cutting down anyone arrogant, or sexist, or just any men who had a rep for fooling around fast and loose with females they worked with.

My looks meant nothing to her , and she clearly had no intention of letting us be friends until I toned down my boorish behaviour and treated her with respect. That happened instantly, as it turned out. I loved that she had instantly dismissed that a night with me could be worth the effort. Nobody had ever done that before, and I had to admire a woman who saw straight through me and took no crap.

She seemed excited as the workday ended and I got the feeling her date was with someone special. Little did I know the guy she was dating was actually the only man she had ever had any real feelings for.

The next day she floated around several feet above the floor, and kept looking at her ring finger and smiling to herself.

Was Detective Swan about to be proposed to?

He was a lucky man, landing her.

She was distracted that whole first week, but the next week was completely opposite. I picked up that something major had occurred.

It wasn't like they'd broken up, exactly, but she was desperate to leave as early as possible and as we had no actual case, she disappeared in a flash as soon as Marcus had gone home himself.

Then on the Friday, I saw her still sitting in her car, out in the carpark, her hands shaking so much I decided it would not be safe to let her drive. I took her keys from the ignition and led her to my passenger door, and drove her to her tiny apartment and refused to leave until she had told me what was happening.

"It's his decision and it's the right choice," she insisted, sipping on the first of many coffee's I was destined to make her. "Career comes first."

"Sometimes," I agreed.

"We can still get engaged sometime in the future. It's not like my biological clock is on it's last circuit or anything. I'm twenty five. There's years yet."

"Sure. Twenty five is still young to want to be tied down with kids," I stated.

"I mean, he's only twenty seven himself. At his age it's a real honour to be chosen to be their temporary attachment and he will be great at it. I know that. He will be safe, right, Edward?"

"I'm not sure who we are talking about or what he's doing," I pointed out.

"Riley. My boyfriend. He's taken an assignment on the UC squad. You know it nearly always means a promotion when they bring you back out again. Assuming the case is solved and they get to prosecute their perp."

"Your boyfriend's going undercover? How long for?"

"Weeks. Maybe months. But he is an experienced DI and he knows what he's taking on. He'll be fine."

"You seem upset about this," I stated the obvious.

"You hear things, don't you? It's not cheating if he gets into some situation where he has no choice other than to sleep with someone associated with his case, right? Things happen. He won't be going in as Riley Biers, my boyfriend. He'll be whoever they have decided he has to be and if they need him to get close to some female in order to do his job, then we have to be mature about it and not let it come between us when he comes back. We are adults, and we know in undercover ops, you always have to be in one hundred per cent or you won't fool anyone. He can hardly explain he has this girlfriend at home, when he's meant to be some drug dealer who would not be bothered about something as simple as screwing around if he can happily deal poison to kids. I don't think dealers are a very moral crowd."

Wine became involved, after the coffee.

As the night wore on, she talked herself into believing no matter what happened, she and Riley would be fine. She warned me with a wink I had better leave as soon as he arrived, considering it would be their last night together for a while, and she assured me there were things that would be happening in her bed tonight that I really did not want to witness.

The hours dragged by but no boyfriend turned upon her doorstep.

We talked, about all manner of things. I told her bits and pieces about my life that I had not intended ever telling anyone, but I wanted to keep her distracted. Gradually, we got more comfortable with one another, and she told me she liked my hair. She confessed she really was jealous of it and lamented that guys always got the best hair, not to mention my eyelashes. She was serious about them, then.

"You truly do have the longest, thickest eyelashes. I want them. The way they frame your beautiful eyes...wasted,on a guy. So unfair."

"I was born with these eyelashes, I didn't push into the queue ahead of the woman who was supposed to get them."

"But it's unfair. That hair, those lashes and the emerald green eyes. Greedy much? And I get stuck with the mud coloured eyes and the stubbiest lashes on the planet. We won't even mention this frizzy mess that passes for my hair. Did I remember to thank you for that, God?"

She was overtired and talking rubbish.

I guessed it was just her way of relieving stress.

She finally fell asleep lying on her sofa, with her head on my lap, and I gazed down at her as she slept and wondered how the fuck this guy could have stood her up tonight; his last night as himself. And how he could walk away from her for an indefinite period, and manage to accept he would not hear from her, or see her, or even be able to carry her photo with him, until his case was done.

Asleep, she looked like a helpless little kitten, and my protective instincts were stirred, but apart from immediately dismissing any idea about sleeping with her because it would be just wrong, I didn't realize she had already started something happening deep inside me.

I mean, she clearly loved Riley, and she was just as clearly not really attracted to me as a person, she just liked bits of me. Eyelashes. All that was left was for us to become friends.

It never occurred to me that I had never had one single female friend.

For many years now, girls were for sex, and I'd never wanted to get close to one, or wanted to be in any female's company out of bed. Before Bella.

There had been a time ,sure, when I loved and respected all women, until one I thought was special had showed me her true colours in the worst possible way. I'd never let another one trick me again. Get in fast, use them, get out, done deal. No pain, no heartache.

Bella seemed different though. It stood to reason they could not possibly all be selfish and bad liars.

She was making me consider trying again one day. Maybe. If she never did anything to prove I was wrong about her.

I carried her to her bed and decided I should stick around for the night, and make sure she was really okay.

That was my first encounter with the futon sofa from Hell. It looked extremely uncomfortable but in reality, it reached new heights as a torture device, and I woke up wondering if I had enough medical insurance to cover me for the rest of my life if this bed left me paralysed from the neck down. Her spare pillows were well matched with the sofa, and felt like lumps of concrete.

Bella was up, making coffee, and she huddled up on her one armchair and watched the clock.

"What time is this all happening?" I asked her.

"He'll be gone by now," she replied sadly." His plane left half an hour ago. I kind of thought maybe he would call in on his way to the airport."

She checked her cellphone and tried to hide the tears in her eyes by announcing she was taking a shower before I used up all her hot water and I remade the sofa and sat there figuring out how she would want me to handle this. Obviously I would never tell anyone how she had waited and he had not even bothered to send her a lousy text, but more importantly, I had to pretend she was fine and not offer her any form of sympathy.

She was hardly the type who could handle anyone's pity, so I resolved not to have any for her and there would not be a problem.

She'd opened up and shown me part of the real her, and now I had to be very careful and not make her regret that.

I could hear her crying in the bathroom as she washed and she was probably hoping the water was drowning out her sounds of distress.

I hated Riley Biers for doing this to her.

When she emerged at last, dressed in black from head to toe, she tried blaming her shampoo for the redness of her eyes.

I agreed that shampoo probably contained a lot of harmful additives we'd never know about because the names of the ingredients were gobbledygook. I think they hire someone to rename whatever the fuck they make it with, so it sounds all high tech and impressive, when it's probably much the same formula as dishwashing liquid.

She scrubbed her eyes with her towel and sat down despondently.

Time to step in and try and change her mood. I'd settle for her being mad at me, rather than this sad.

"Geez, Swan, do you only shower once a week or what?" I asked her. "Nobody needs to waste that much water. I hope washing your hair was worth using up half the town's water supply. Now, who is cooking breakfast?"

I opened her fridge and pulled out eggs and milk and butter and sent her out to purchase fresh bread. She was back in control by the time she got back and she ate enough breakfast to convince me she was going to be okay. Today, anyway.

We hung out together all weekend, and she showed me around her neighbourhood and rubbished my taste when I took her to see my new apartment.

More money than sense, was her conclusion as she wandered around, looking surprised at my decor. It was hardly screaming swinging bachelor pad, after my Mom's interior decorating binge. While everything was top drawer and tasteful, it did give Bella ammunition to keep up the gay jokes.

We ate lunch at her favourite restaurant in her neighbourhood, and she bet me I could not find food that good in The Heights, no matter how much I paid.

I accepted her challenge and took her to dinner at some fancy place that served an asparagus spear and three of the world's tiniest potatoes with a swirl of some kind of dressing on a plate for fifty bucks. There was supposed to be meat involved but I think it shrunk into oblivion someplace between the kitchen and our table. Bella chewed on the garnish, a sprig of parsley, just to make sure she was really full after all that food.

"You could have bought me a weeks supply of groceries for that," she whispered as I paid the bill.

We walked the streets and ate ice cream cones to fill in the gaping hole in our stomachs. She called them dessert and thanked me for the two course meal. That night, we both pretended it was too far for me drive back home again so I stayed and held her in my arms as she slept beneath her bedcovers, with me above them. I rubbed her back when she stirred and called out for Riley in her sleep.

By Monday we were truly friends. We just clicked. I knew it happened but this was the first time it had happened to me. She already felt like an old friend. I was half surprised realizing I had no memories of her because I'd really just met her.

It seemed like she had been in my life forever.

She was equally at ease around me.

Of course the rest of the squad assumed things about us, especially when Bella would bring something to work that I'd forgotten, and she'd wink and say "Did you mean to leave your sweater at my place the other night?" and toss it to me.

Rumours abounded, but in time the more observant realized it was friendship, not fuckbuddies.

But all the same, you could see they all assumed it was inevitable that we would eventually give in and just do it.

It couldn't be me delaying things, because it was widely known I had a few notches on my bedpost, therefore it had to be Bella.

The whole concept of respecting someone; a woman, to the point where sleeping with them was no longer a priority was a little too foreign for the guys in the room to grasp.

Most if not all of them had hit on her at some point, but she turned them down every time. It became like a challenge; a badge of honour to at least try.

I was vastly amused by sitting there in the front row seat as it were, watching her turn them down one by one.

The funniest instance had been with Harry. At a badly preserved fifty five with a beer belly, he had to know the odds were against him but to give the man his due, he gave it his best try.

Everything in fact was severely against him, considering how he was the worst offender when it came to belittling Bella and her work.

We all watched unobtrusively out of the corner of our eyes as we appeared to keep doing our paperwork, as he sat on the corner of Bella's desk, and we waited for the show to begin.

"So, Bella, I believe you once said age is just a number."

"Correct. I have never judged anyone by their chronological age, only by their level of maturity."

He sat up straighter, encouraged.

"So, my age, your age, not a problem, right?"

"Right," she agreed.

"With that in mind, I was wondering if I could buy you a drink after work? I mean, we could get dinner afterwards if we discovered we had a few interests in common, and I have a new coffee machine at home that I'd love to hear your opinion of. Who knows where the night may lead."

"Harry, are we talking sex here?" she asked brightly.

"Sure, if that's what you want. I guess we could do that."

"Maybe it could work. Oh wait, I only sleep with actual grown-ups. I wouldn't want to risk getting my name added to the Sex Offenders list by having sex with an immature little boy like you."

Nobody could keep a straight face and Bella ended up getting a round of applause.

During the first year I was there, they could save face by assuming she was still hung up on Riley but once that was over, then she became 'probably a dyke' for turning them down.

I mean, how could any normal red blooded woman resist their charms?

Some of them even started cleaning up their act and shaving. Some went as far as to get a proper haircut, and started wearing fresh clothes every day, and a few even made a weak effort to lose the belly months or years of living on takeaways had caused, in the hope she'd reconsider.

She managed to somehow turn them all down in turn, yet not cause offence. Maybe because she didn't let any of them win. They were all in the same boat.

If I wasn't, then some resentment could arise.

At first, worrying about Riley was her main topic of conversation outside of work, but in time, it became obvious he was staying in deep for the long haul.

She quizzed Marcus on the first anniversary of his departure, and he made a call and told her Riley had sought to become a permanent UC agent, and he may never return here.

Now I truly hated him for not having the nads to have set her free before he left. There was no way he had ever intended coming back to her, so why hadn't he been a man and given her a clean break?

If you never intend to ever see someone again, it's only good manners to tell them that and not leave them waiting and hoping. If this was typical Riley behaviour, she was better off without him. She'd had a year without him but still, she had not ever adjusted to his absence because she thought he would come back, and they'd take up again where they'd left off.

I offered to take her out to celebrate her freedom, but she refused my offer and the next day she informed me brightly that she'd 'met someone' and so began the succession of 'boyfriends'.

With time on my hands at night while she was out dating, I started feeling the need to look for some willing female company myself again. It had been months, after all. More like a whole year. Her company had been enough and I'd enjoyed being a friend and taking a break from chasing tail.

Initially these girls were all statuesque blondes.

My type.

Not to get too graphic, but I was a tall guy with big feet and long limbs and all of me was in proportion.

My theory was, tall girls could handle what I had to offer, if you get my drift. The longer their torso's, the more they could handle when it came to 'extra length'.

They all had large breasts, small waists, and tiny brains. I was not with them for their conversational skills which was just as well. I re-established my no sleepover rule, and made it plain I was only interested in one offs, and few were surprised or concerned.

Now and again one wanted more, but by then, Bella was bored with whatever his name was, so we did the first role plays of cheater/ outraged spouse to move them both on.

We both found the whole idea that anyone bought us as a couple truly hilarious and it was a long time before I started questioning why anyone would think us ill-matched, because we got along like a house on fire.

On the job, her strengths matched my weaknesses, and vice versa. We agreed that I would question the women and she would tackle the men, and she was constantly amused to see some female simpering around me, trying to keep my attention by landing her spouse/ boyfriend/brother in the shit.

She seemed oblivious of the way she affected the men she spoke to. More than one looked awkward and uncomfortable sitting there in front of her. They crossed their legs, or placed their coats across their laps to hide their hard-ons as she brushed the hair from her eyes and smiled prettily, and they wanted to tell her; wanted her approval.

In truth, she had soothed just as many men into confessing as I had managed with the women.

I loved it when she got all apologetic to some guy who was refusing to answer questions,and told him as his partner in crime was singing like a canary in the next room, so she would have to offer that guy the deal instead. In reality, his friend was being just as silent and stubborn.

It always got them talking, racing to get out all the facts so he would be the one she smiled at and promised to have a word in the right ear to ensure his cooperation had been noted and appreciated.

The dick would sit there, blushing with pride, forgetting he had just signed away ten to twenty years of his life.

All for a smile.

If we had no unsubs or witnesses of the female variety, I stopped shaving and let the beard grow and Bella would cringe and pat my chin and ask me how my new pet animal was today.

I was surprised when I finally got around to shaving and saw her eyes light up at my clean shaven face, but then things started happening with our main suspect and it was two days before I even thought of shaving again.

I noticed Bella was using any excuse to touch my stubble and I automatically filed away her delight in my scruffiness for future reference.

_Likes the stubble; hates the beard._

Around a year ago, things started to change rapidly and I started getting pissed off at the low standard she was setting for her 'boyfriends', and also, blonde hair started boring me and I found myself hooking up with brunettes exclusively.

I'm a man, I didn't realize the implications even when I accidentally called one of these girls 'Bella' at a rather vital moment. I couldn't get out of that girl's apartment fast enough.

I would never use Bella like that, I huffed and puffed to myself. We were friends. I had no sexual interest in her at all.

I mentally listed all the many valid reasons why I would never touch her, and hooked up more than ever before, to prove to myself I already had whatever I needed. Brunettes on tap.

Willing brunettes.

I walked into a bar one night, after a particularly trying day. It was unseasonably warm and Bella had discarded half her clothing, causing me hours of blue balls with the glimpses of flesh usually well rugged up because of the cold weather. Her breasts were beautiful, and every time she leaned over a desk, I saw miles of soft, pale, curvy skin. Her legs were a surprise, so shapely yet she was hardly tall. And sans sweater, I could smell her daytime aroma. She smelled wonderful. I wanted to bury my nose in her hair and inhale.

When I went to that club and saw a brunette who looked much like her from the back, I went home with what proved to be my last ever hook-up.

Jessica.

She was a friendly girl and she enjoyed sex, but she was a little miffed that I insisted on taking her from the back and the epiphany hit me square in the face as I nuzzled her neck and buried my nose in her so similar brown hair.

Fuck me, I was not only using this girl for sex, I was using her as a stand in for Bella. It was a step too far. I felt embarrassed and guilt ridden; around Bella, not Jessica, as if I'd somehow done something wrong to my partner and friend.

x~X~x

"Sorry to call you in but we have a new case," Marcus stated. "I need you and Detective Swan in here, now."

"Okay, we'll be there in ten."

I snapped my phone shut and looked around.

Alec had moved out two days ago; yesterday the apartment had been cleaned thoroughly by professionals, and this morning we'd managed to get all the furniture in and arranged while Bella was off finalizing the paperwork.

Alec wanted it all done fast and I'd called our family lawyer, Jay Jenks, because I knew Bella would have no idea who to call herself.

He had agreed to drag the meeting out long enough to insist she had lunch with him, so Alice and I had time to get all this sorted in her absence.

I knew had Bella been here when the moving vans had arrived, the drivers would have been sent back to my place with a flea in their ears, and she would never have allowed this 'act of charity' to happen.

It was simple to me. She needed furniture; I had longed for an excuse to refurnish my own apartment with things I liked and chose myself, but the tricky part had been the fact Esme, my own Mother, had done all the interior decorating herself. She was confident she knew what I liked but clearly she had no idea. Show me a man who wants a house full of white, highly decorated French Provincial furniture and I'll introduce him to Alec.

I wanted black leather couches and an industrial theme, not this pretty, upmarket shit girls like. I know Mom had gone this route because she didn't want to encourage me to remain a bachelor forever, so she had been thinking of the type of home a couple would like...you know, everything chosen by the woman. Seeing I didn't have one, she had chosen what she would like herself in proxy for my 'future wife'.

Emmett was rubbing his hands in glee at the thought of coming to help me choose my own new furnishings and I had warned him I wanted something that looked like a gentleman's club, not a BDSM dungeon, which had caused him to pout and call me a sissy.

I did point out he could always be a grown-up and leave the family home himself and furnish his own place in kinky shit theme, but he liked his home comforts too much. Until he found a woman to take over everything our Mom did for him, plus of course, provide him with all the 'hot,sexy loving' he enjoyed out on dates, he was staying put. Especially now.

New town, new playground. In no time he would sleep his way through the female population of 20 to 40 year old females in Forks.

Emmett was Emmett.

I sent a quick text, warning him I was about to be out of the city on a case so we'd have to delay our shopping spree.

I got an instant response.

"_Shopping spree? Could you please attempt not to sound totally gay when you text my phone. Any of my bitches read that they will think I have a boyfriend."_

I laughed and pocketed my cell and went to find Alice.

"Really? You two are on a new case? Then if Bella doesn't get to come back today and see all this furniture of yours here, you have to at least tell her about it. I had an idea. Tell me what you think. It seems ridiculous for you to sleep on a pull out, even the fancy new one you bought, so why don't you ask Bella if you can rent a bedroom off her? Just to use when you don't want to make the long drive home, like I hear sometimes happens. That way, you can say you assumed your furniture was welcome too, and that way it's still _your_ furniture...she doesn't have to feel like you are doing her the favour. It's like she is giving room to you _and _your stuff."

"Sounds like a plan," I agreed. "The place looks great."

"Not that much different to before, when the gay guy's furniture was here.," Alice stated.

"And that's why I wanted shot of it. Honestly, I think the main reason I prefer going to the girl's place when I hook up, instead of taking her home to mine was because she'd take one look and assume I was trying to force myself to be straight and she was my experiment."

"Do you do that a lot? Sleep with randoms?" Alice asked.

I shrugged.

"I used to. Men have needs, Alice. I don't talk about it but it has always been a necessary evil. I am hardly in the ideal job to keep a woman around. Bella and I are often gone for weeks on end, months even, and if we get accepted into the Undercover Unit, it will be more months and years away. No relationship can stand that sort of separation."

"You and Bella want to be undercover agents?" Alice said in surprise.

"It was a bit of an impulse, really. We work with some of the people from that unit at times and we started talking about how much fun it would be to live a whole different life for a while, and get to experience things we never will in our real existences, so we both applied. It was two years ago and we have never heard anything back, so I guess it's a moot point by now."

"It seems creepy. I've always wondered, when one is undercover, do they do things like break the law? Use drugs? Or do they fake it?"

"It would be kind of hard to fake it. From what I know, if you are backed into a corner and can't safely walk away, then, yeah, you do sometimes have to break the law."

"And do you have to sleep with people you'd be expected to if you were the real whoever you are faking to be?"

I shrugged. It had been part of the attraction, for me, back then. Knowing the perfect cover for a guy my age would mostly be either in a fake relationship, or else I'd have to hook up as any single guy would. It had seemed like a perk. Now it seemed like a reason to be glad we had never been accepted.

Also, I don't think nowadays I could handle watching Bella be pawed by some guy, no matter how respectable he was, and let's face it, undercover work hardly ever meant you mixed with the cream of society. More likely some tattooed bikie would be handing her around his gang members.

And I'd have a gun.

I couldn't see any way that would end well.

"Anyway, I have to go get Bella and we will try and get back here tonight to pack, so hopefully, see you then."

I kissed her forehead; she already felt like a sister to me.

My new bedroom looked exactly as my own at home had, seeing my brass bed and the rest of my bedroom furniture was now in it. It would certainly be a home away from home for me.

We had set up Alice's bedroom with Bella's old cast iron bed, and prepared a room for Tom with his own new crib and nursery items I had insisted on buying for him. Alice didn't argue but she was different to Bella. She accepted the gift in the spirit it was given. She genuinely appreciated my offer and didn't feel it made her beholding to me at all, which of course, it didn't. I guess I wanted Jasper to know I had done my best for her before he could himself.

I had to get these two together. Maybe I should invite him here to stay and conveniently 'forget' Bella and I had to work. I'm sure Alice would make his stay bearable.

I hurriedly sent him a text, giving him Bella's new apartment number and suggesting he stay in the guestroom if by any chance Bella and I were gone by the time he got here.

"_Why would I come visit if you two aren't there? I don't fancy a vacation away to be all by myself."_

"You wouldn't be alone. Bella has a couple of guests we would rather not leave here by themselves and you'd be the perfect stand in host," I replied.

"_Are we talking visiting great aunts who need someone to show them around the city or hot, sexy babes?"_

"You will have to see for yourself," I answered. "I promise you will adore one of them, at least, and she is unattached, as in, has no boyfriend."

"_I guess it's the neighbourly thing to do then," _he replied.

x~x

Bella looked bored to bits and Jay looked annoyed to see me. I could see he was enjoying the scenery. She looked amazing. For some reason, it seemed she had decided signing on the various dotted lines was something worthy of dressing up for, and she had put on her best frock; the one that showcased her pretty boobs and showed them off at their best angle. Jay was having trouble remembering to look her in the eye.

"Edward," she said in clear delight, and my heart beat a little faster, even though I knew Alice would have gotten a similar greeting. She just wanted to be rescued.

"Marcus wants to see us. It seems the holiday is over."

She stood up quickly, and held out her hand.

"Thanks for everything, Mr Jenks. We must get together again sometime. Bye."

Jay half raised her hand to his lips before catching my eye and changing it into an awkward handshake of sorts.

Bella grinned and grabbed my hand and pulled me towards my car.

"God, I thought I was going to spend ten minutes max, signing papers and then I could get out of there but he insisted on explaining everything in words even baby Tom would understand, and he went over every paragraph, and explained it in minute detail. Then when it was finished, he even started telling me about just about every contract he has ever witnessed. I thought I'd be stuck here until he expired from old age."

"I think he was enjoying your company," I replied.

Bella placed her hands under her breasts and cupped them ,causing instant consternation in my pants.

"I think he enjoyed the company of these," she replied, dropping 'The Girls' and putting on her seatbelt. "I'm pretty sure he could recognize them in a line up, not that I think he'd know my face well enough to pick me out by that."

"They are a pretty pair. Cut him some slack. At his age I dare say he is not often confronted by anything so wondrous."

"Thanks, Edward. I think," she replied. "So, who has offed who?"

"No clue. Marcus just said get you and bring you here so I know nothing yet either."

I have to say at this point, I hate cases involving kids.

It's one thing when a spouse offs a spouse, but surely by the time things get that fraught, there have been clues that not all's well at home, and the victim could guess it was probably time to call it quits and split. If they stayed, well, maybe they knew, or should have guessed, it might come to this.

But kids were different. Where they lived was completely the choice of their parents. They could not jump on a train or a plane and get the Hell out of Dodge before the shit hit the fan.

Marcus sat there, explaining we had one body; a single mother in her thirties, and a missing three year old.

I hated the term 'single mother' for women who had been married and subsequently deserted by their spouse. To me, single mother should be reserved for women who made that choice; to have a child without benefit of a husband. It seemed rude to label them all the same.

I knew I was simply distracting myself, to not think about the missing kid. A three year old was really young to be left all alone and the neighbours were adamant no car had arrived or left the cul de sac all night, where their houses were situated, I read in the case notes as Bella drove us there. The dead woman's house backed onto miles of deserted beach, after you climbed out past the sand dunes.

How long could a three year old survive alone?

The local lads had searched and found no sign of anyone out there.

I fell asleep for a while and when I woke up, Bella was singing along to one of her sometimes favourite cd's. It was by the band Divinyl's. I smirked as she warbled out the words.

"_I love myself I want you to love me_

_When I feel down I want you above me_

_I search myself I want you to find me_

_I forget myself I want you to remind me _

_I don't want anybody else_

_When I think about you I touch myself_

_Ooh I don't want anybody else Oh no, oh no, oh no "_

I placed a hand on her knee and she stopped singing and looked at me.

"No need to do that, Baby. I can always help you out."

It had been a joke, but something struck home.

Maybe the only way I had to get under Bella's skin was to settle for less, at least initially.

Maybe the way to her heart was not through her stomach, but lower.

At least I would have the chance to make love to her, even if it never got me what I really craved.

She was already missing sex. How do I know? Three years as her partner, I could read the signs.

This Divinyl's cd for one. This only got played when she was itching. Usually it signalled that she was about to 'meet someone'.

What if this someone could be me?

x~X~x

"Tell me about Jane," I said, smiling at the neighbour lady who lived in the house opposite to the victim's.

She was in her late thirties, a real single Mom, and seemed vulnerable to my charms, so I had walked her down the driveway, away from where Bella was being updated by the local police lads.

"She moved here just before she got pregnant. Her husband was a nice guy. You never can tell, right?"

"He didn't turn out to be Mr Right?" I asked.

"Jane confided in me that he had this thing going with his PA practically from the day Jane got pregnant. She was sick, poor thing. All day sickness, I never got why they called it morning sickness. Probably termed that by a man who only hung about long enough to notice his wife was nauseous of a morning before he left for work."

"So, what happened?"

"As you can imagine, Jane wanted out. She threatened to have an abortion, so he broke up with his slut and toed the line but once little Emily was born, it was back on with full steam ahead. He said he needed the break. He needed someplace to go after work where there wasn't a screaming baby and an exhausted mother...the pig even used to accuse her of making no effort to keep herself well dressed and attractive. She had a newborn attached to her breast practically 24/7 and he's whining because she doesn't put on make-up? He was getting all the sex he wanted, from _her, _and sleeping over in her nice, quiet bed, while Jane walked the floor with this screaming baby. You know they pick up on your stress and react to it? That baby knew it had been fathered by a pig. No wonder she was always crying."

"So, they got divorced?"

"Yes, best thing to ever happen to Jane. At least she didn't have to put up with him and his insults any more, even if it did mean she was solely responsible for the baby. I mean, she always had been, really. It wasn't anything new."

"And the father?"

"Usual story. Got divorced, married his harlot, I just hope the good Lord blesses them with quints."

"Does he have access to Emily?"

"In theory he can have her every second weekend but he rarely bothers."

"And you are sure he wasn't around here last night or this morning?"

She waved her hand at the long road we'd driven down to get into the 'estate'.

"We'd all have seen or heard a car out here. It's a long way from the highway. The only traffic is residents coming and going, and a few visitors on weekends. Once all the workers got home for dinner last night, there was not another vehicle down that road. I don't bother with curtains; it's not like anyone here looks in, so I would have been woken up by the engine and any headlights, anyway. I swear nobody drove down here."

I shook her hand and noticed she held on a little longer than was polite. I see, another lonely housewife, stuck out here all day; nothing to do once the kids went off to school. Even though she wasn't a suspect or even connected to the case, I already knew I wasn't going to go there. Those days were over.

I have no idea how celibacy will affect me and my moods, but I guess we are about to find out. Bella giving up sex just made it feel like I should too, or I'd really start feeling bad around her.

It was her that I wanted and I no longer felt compelled to use anyone now. It felt tacky.

Hamburgers fine when it keeps you satisfied, but now I wanted steak.

Bella was wearing paper foot covers and was gearing up to go inside and see the body in situ.

I knew she acted tough, but I alone stood close enough to her to hear when she let go of the breath she always held until she witnessed the body herself.

I pulled covers over my own shoes and took her arm.

"The prick hanged her. I hate hangings," Bella whispered. I wasn't a fan, myself, either.

We walked in and stopped just inside the front door. Jane Weathers body swung silently on the rope someone had tied to the rail of the top of the staircase. It was clearly a well constructed house. Most rails are spindly and made from pine these days and would have snapped and probably saved her life, ironically, had the builder been the average type of penny pincher.

"Can someone cut her down?," Bella asked.

The medical examiner was standing by, and he nodded that all the photos had been taken already so there was no reason to leave her hanging.

"Air" Bella whispered and I marched her through the house to the backdoor. She sank onto the threshold and reached for her cigarettes.

Bella only smoked at times like these. The bad moments. I was tempted to join her but I'd been nicotine free for over a year now and loathed the idea of ever having to go through withdrawal again. It wasn't worth the brief respite a cancer stick would provide. If I smoked a single cigarette today, I'd be hooked again within the week. It was just the facts.

I'd given up too many times in the past, then some crisis had crashed into my life and had me back on them, like a baby needing a pacifier. Oral fixation. I swear we got it from breastfeeding. As infants we cried and our Moms put something in our mouths; breasts, bottles, paci's and we sucked our way to serenity and calmness.

For some of us, it was a habit we never outgrew.

I took a piece of gum from my pocket and popped it into my mouth. A poor substitute, but it was all there was.

"Is that Nicotine gum?" Bella asked worriedly, putting out her cigarette after a single puff. She was aware I had been a Nicotine gum addict. Sometimes I'd contemplated taking up smoking again just to get off the gum. But I was 'clean' these days and my gum was simply peppermint flavored.

"Nope, it's just gum," I replied, leaning against the door jamb. The backyard had been landscaped, stepped with retaining walls holding the sand back at different levels, starting at about three foot high but becoming ever smaller until the edge of the property. It had been a thankless task and the wind had blown a lot of sand back, so now each wall, made from green stained logs, held up a mini sand dune of their own. The child must have had fun, jumping down from one level to the next, in better days gone by. The few plants Jane had added were struggling to survive, with half their stems under sand piles.

Nature was taking back her own land.

There was no dividing fence between Jane's yard and the beach, which may have helped keep the sand away.

The beach stretched out of sight. The dunes were starting to get cold and dark as the sun started to set behind them. If Emily was out there, dressed in lightweight day clothing, I didn't fancy her chances of making it until the dawn.

"Detectives, I'm taking the body now. I'll do the autopsy first thing, if you want to be there. Seven a.m. sharp."

He pushed a small card into my hand.

"We will be prioritizing locating the child, so if there's been no new joy finding her, we will await your report," I replied. I hated post mortems. Better we didn't get to see what we were made of.

"It will be ready for your perusal by one o'clock," he promised. "I'm not expecting any surprises. Her hands were tied behind her back with duct tape. It seems a clear case of murder by persons unknown. I can't imagine that will change."

I thanked him and walked him out the front.

Overnight accommodation had been arranged for us in the one motel the estate had, but it was virtually next door.

When I returned, Bella wanted to make tea in self catering motel room. Several officers accepted my offer of tea or coffee and I collected our supplies from the car. We never used anything provided in motels; we even brought our own electric jug and mugs. I just could never bring myself to drink from a mug that had been used by a lot of unknown strangers before me.

I know that sounds obsessive, but I have my reasons.

I'd once questioned a cleaner in a motel as she worked, and sure, she used her cleaning cloth to wipe the inside of the electric kettle first, then dried the dishes with it before wiping down benches, tables, etc, until she finally wiped over the bathroom sink, and then the toilet.

That was fine.

Cleanest to dirtiest.

Except she then moved on to cleaning the next room, and that same cloth was used inside it's electric jug in turn.

"Why haven't they brought in a dog?" Bella asked, as she poured the boiling water into the mugs that I'd put teabags or instant coffee into.

"Too remote. There will be one here by morning. We aren't in the city now. Everything's a pretty far distance from this estate," I reminded her. After we'd left the highway, Bella had become convinced the Satnav was faulty after we'd driven for over forty minutes without passing a single dwelling. This was a satellite estate; built in the hope one day there would be many more the same as it's neighbours, then the area would qualify for shops and schools and maybe even a mall. As it stood, mothers had to drive their kids down to the highway of a morning to be collected by the school bus, and be there in the afternoon to bring them the rest of the way home. I dare say if a Mom was running late, a neighbor would bring her kids back. It would be extremely dangerous leaving a child waiting beside the busy highway.

I hoped to God that Emily stayed well away from the road, and of course, from the sea; the other danger laying in wait if she veered off a safe straight direction over the sand hills.

"We can't do any more tonight. We'll be back at first light," the copper in charge announced and they trooped out and left us to wash up.

Bella had packed us a picnic dinner, so we sat and watched the sun go down behind the ocean as we ate, then I suggested one last walk along the sand. The others had walked this way for hours, but if Emily was out there, maybe she would turn back and come home looking for her Mom.

We did a quick survey of Jane's yard again.

Bella walked to the edge of a retaining wall and jumped down the three foot or so to the next level of yard. It was like giant steps, made for a race much larger than mere humans.

I got our coats from the car and threw a picnic blanket over my shoulder, in case we were lucky enough to locate the toddler. If she was alive, she'd be cold. If she wasn't, her body would still need covering.

"Edward! Detective Cullen," Cindy, the friendly neighbour I'd interviewed earlier called as she crossed the road.

"What can I do for you?" I asked.

"My son just told me Jane bought Emily a dog. A puppy, really. I wondered if you wanted me to look after it tonight?"

"There is no dog here," I replied, "But thanks. If it turns up, I'll bring it over. Do you know what breed?"

"Something black and white with big feet, Simon tells me. I didn't see it myself. He says they brought it home last weekend and he was throwing sticks for it out behind Jane's house."

"Thanks for telling me," I nodded and locked the car.

"Would you like to come in for a drink?" she offered.

"Thanks, but I have my partner waiting for me on the beach," I answered, leaving it to her to figure out if I meant partner as in work colleague, or otherwise.

Bella grabbed her coat and threw it on against the cold wind that had sprung up. I put the blanket around her shoulders, then added my arm once I had my own coat on, and we walked along the seashore, lighting our way with torches, and calling Emily's name at regular intervals.

x~X~x

BPOV

And this is why I'm never having kids. They are far too vulnerable. Once we knew for sure that the absent father did not have his daughter with him, the other possibilities were frightening.

Maybe whoever killed Jane had taken her, though how he got here and got away with a three year old on foot, unseen, was a mystery. Why did a killer take a three year old girl? I didn't like to think about it.

Maybe his own child had died and he was taking her to keep and raise with his loving wife, who couldn't have another baby. I wanted to believe that. I guess it was like believing that all dogs that 'went to the farm' ended up playing out in the fields, chasing squirrels and enjoying a long and happy life.

That's what we wanted for Emily; for her life to go on, and be full of happiness. Maybe at three she was young enough to have no real memories yet laid down of her mother. Maybe she would go live with Daddy and stepmom and they'd become decent parents to her. We can but hope.

Edward was trying to keep my spirits up, and his own, but it was a struggle. This child had been missing for well over twelve hours at least, if the coroner was right with his 'guestimate' that Jane had been killed late last night or early this morning.

How selfish and petty I now felt, for having been forced to spend the morning with Jay Jenks, and wishing I could be anywhere else. I could have been here, being tied up, and having a noose put around my neck, and been tossed off the landing. It put things into perspective.

The wind was freezing, and Edward kept me on the more sheltered side of his body. After an hour or so, he stopped.

"I'm taking you back to the Motel. You are going blue around your lips." We turned and started back the way we had come.

"Are you staying there with me?" I checked. Knowing Edward, he would never curl up in a warm bed while a little girl was outside, wandering around alone. Of course, that was just one possibility. I knew we were both thinking the same thing.

"If the report comes back tomorrow that only Jane's fingerprints are on that duct tape, we have to consider she has killed Emily and buried her somewhere, and then topped herself."

Edward shook his head.

"Not again. Surely. How many mothers kill their kids to get revenge on a deadbeat father?"

We'd recently been on a case where the family involved had appeared to have it all.

He was good looking and popular, the Captain of the college football team back in his day.

She was gorgeous; the leader of the A list girls, who'd gone on to marry her perfectly matched sweetheart from way back beginning in High School.

They had a big house, two fancy cars in the driveway; good jobs, and two kids.

It seemed like what most people aimed for.

But the husband had lost his high paying job in IT and couldn't find new employment. As the bills mounted up unpaid, they'd survived just on the wife's wage but they were going backwards fast. The cars had been sold, and a clunker now sat in the driveway all alone.

He'd felt inadequate and left, for their own good. One less mouth to feed on her income.

Unable to stand everyone knowing the once golden couple was done, and the house would be repossessed, the wife smothered the two kids then topped herself.

At first everyone assumed it was a triple murder and the husband had killed them all to end their 'suffering'. Being unemployed, he'd had no alibi so we'd gone down the obvious but wrong path trying to hang it on him for an entire week before I suggested an alternate scenario.

This case is different.

Jane's ex-husband has an alibi a mile wide. Even if she died at the earliest time suggested by the coroner, last night he was staying at his parents house along with his two brothers and their families. It had been their Mother's birthday, and the family had partied into the early hours, all in full view of one another. He never left, not for a minute.

He had slept on a pullout in an upstairs study area off the only guest room where his brother and sister-in-law slept.

The other couple had slept downstairs in the sitting room, right beside the front door and both swore they would have woken up if he'd had to get past them.

This morning he drove straight to work, and was then surrounded by a hundred employees. He'd arrived exactly fifteen minutes after leaving his parents house, as expected, there was no missing time.

There is no way she set this up to blame him. She could have put sugar in his petrol tank and made sure he broke down somewhere with no witnesses, if she wanted him in the frame. No, we are looking at a stranger, or maybe someone new in Jane's life.

"Anyway, how could she get over the rail if she tied her own hands up first? There's no way she did it afterwards, when she was hanging in mid air with a broken neck."

"Edward, she may have been killed just so whoever did it got to steal Emily. It's the most obvious motive. Jane owned nothing worth stealing, and she had little money. That house is clean but it has things that need repairing, anyone can tell that. It's obvious she can't afford repairs as well as the mortgage so kidnapping for ransom is out. And why kill her if they wanted a ransom? Who would pay it?

If her ex cared enough about her to pay a ransom for the child, then he would have made sure Jane had enough money to keep the house in good shape, surely. He is living paycheck to paycheck. He has two households to contribute to. He may only give Jane the bare minimum, but he did pay. And he has zero interest in his child, so I don't believe he paid anyone to kill Jane and bring him the kid somewhere down the track when things cool off. I don't think he is involved."

"So, that leaves us with someone who wanted a child, and that means either a pedo or a bereaved mother. I hope it's a mother. Anyway, you need to have a warm shower and heat up then get some sleep, so come on."

"I'm not staying in the Motel if you aren't," I stated.

"Be reasonable. I can't sleep in a bed if Emily's possibly out here somewhere, alone."

"And I can? Get real. We both go, or we both stay."

Edward put up the two man tent in the middle of Jane's backyard, down in a more sheltered area rather than up near the level play area near the back door. The wind decreased down here, like we were in a bunker of sorts, with the retaining walls above us and others falling away below.

Edward zipped me into a sleeping bag, then got inside his own. I knew once I fell asleep, he'd be gone.

"You can't leave me; this still could be some random maniac. If he comes back to the scene of the crime, he'll find a fresh victim ready and waiting, snoring her head off in a tent in the backyard," I pointed out. As Edward knew, I could sleep through an atomic explosion. If this guy did come back, he'd have my throat slit before I even knew he was there, even if he made tea and scones first.

Not that many criminals actually returned to the scene of the crime. That myth had come about from books and tv shows.

"Okay, you win. Bloody Hell, it's freezing."

We both knew if Emily was out there, it was already too late.

We lay side by side, shivering. Finally, I decided to man the fuck up.

"Edward, are these the kind of sleeping bags that zip together to make one big one?"

"I ggguess so," he replied, his teeth chattering.

"Then zip the mofo's together and let's share body heat."

He did it without delay and we cuddled up together. I was always way warmer than he was. I don't think he carries enough body fat, myself. At least I have my bum and my boobs.

He is all muscles and tight skin.

"For God's sake, your hands are frozen," I complained. I took them in mine and rubbed them rapidly then gave up and forced them up inside my sweater, on to my bra clad boobs. The bra was tiny and hardly thick, so heat radiated through the inadequate fabric.

"Edward, keep in mind they are just boobs and this doesn't mean we are engaged," I joked as his fingers flexed and molded around each breast. His nose was against my neck and I heard his breathing change.

Honestly,men.

All I wanted to do was save his digits from frostbite and he was getting all overheated instead.

"We still might freeze to death tonight. At least let me kiss you," he growled. He did kiss random women all the time, this was hardly special. Just a way to thaw out our lips.

"Okay, kiss away," I replied. I seemed to be losing my resolve to keep him at arm's length lately, as per my rules. I'd missed him while he was forced to go sleep in his own apartment because Alice had my bed and I had the sofa monster. He'd even delayed his visit to see his parents for some reason.

Now we were moved into the loft apartment, there would be plenty of room for everyone though his bedroom was on a whole level lower than mine. No more chatting before we fell asleep, or bantering in the morning to argue about the coffee rota.

He didn't wait for a second invitation and, okay, to be honest, I was impressed. I guess lots of practice makes Edward a good kisser. His hands jumped from my breasts to my hair, and he tangled his hands through it and drew me in closer, then would remember he actually had my permission to go to second base and they would be back. Then they'd be on my back, rubbing circles on my skin. I felt my bra unclip and shook my head. He wanted naked boobie handling.

I amused myself by comparing him to other guys who had been there before already, and he was definitely the most gentle of the lot. He was caressing , rather than groping which was a much more familiar feeling.

My body started to light up at his touch and I pulled away from his lips to end the connection and he reacted by lowering his head and taking my nipple inside his lips. Okay, maybe I took a few minutes to regain my senses and push him off, but I did. Eventually. After he sucked the other nipple as well, and one hand was wandering down my abdomen.

Celibacy is working out great for me so far. If I didn't keep Edward away from a certain apex between my legs, we'd be naked and shagging in minutes.

I turned and wriggled so my back was against his chest. So much safer, I thought, until I realized now I had something large and hard pressed against my bum.

"Edward," I warned. He shifted his pelvis back a bit and settled down spooning my body against his, with those now cosy hands massaging my damply tipped mammaries. It was soothing; his touch comforted me. I was asleep in no time.

I awoke in the early morning light to a wet tongue licking my face.

"Edward," I growled, slapping out at him and instead, came into contact with a soft, warm, fur covered bundle. I opened my eyes and sat up.

"Wha..." Edward complained as he felt my body desert his.

"Look, we have a puppy. It followed me home, Dad, can I keep it?" I joked.

Edward sprung up and took the dog from me.

"This must be the dog the neighbour said Jane bought for Emily. Where on earth did it come from? How come we didn't see him last night?"

The pup wriggled in his arms and started licking Edward's face with it's long tongue.

"Get up. I'll put him down outside and see where he goes."

The pup lay at our feet so Edward started playing with it, tossing sticks that the puppy ran to but didn't attempt to pick up, and I suggested maybe if he ignored it, it might go back to wherever it had slept.

It worked. The pup got bored with us taking no notice and scrambled off over a retaining wall, and suddenly disappeared. Edward followed at a run, and dropped down onto his knees, throwing back the build up of sand frantically.

Next thing, he pulled a small child from within the mini sandhill and lay her on her back, clearing her mouth. I dropped beside the still form and started CPR on her chest while he breathed into her mouth. I was about to suggest we call 911 when she started crying and spitting sand at him.

Edward scooped her up into his arms and ran for the house while I followed and called for an ambulance.

She was clearly breathing okay alone, as her wails proved so I started washing the sand from her nose and mouth and face, and smoothed her hair from her eyes.

Her limbs were coated in sand grains and he was rubbing her arms between his hands, warming her up.

"Bath," I said, not really sure it was the right thing to do, but this kid had already come back from the dead. Edward bagged her clothes, from the little padded parka to her underthings plus her jeans, T shirt and sweater. On her feet she was wearing knitted socks and gumboots that seemed to have saved her toes from frostbite. She was thirsty, and kept sipping the bathwater. I checked her carefully for any discoloured skin and found none.

"Are you Emily?" I asked. Chances were, she was. She agreed.

"Memily" she said, pointing at herself.

"Bella," I replied, doing the same.

She grinned.

"Where were you hiding?" I asked.

"Bad Mommy put Memily in Jakey's kennel," she said crossly, sucking water from the sponge into her mouth.

Bad Mommy may have saved Emily's life. Jane must have seen him coming, and hidden her child as best she could.

She was clean and still chatting by the time the paramedics arrived, so they dried her off and checked her over before I dressed her from clothing in her bedroom and handed her to them.

Once the ambo left, Edward and I went back to where he had pulled Emily from the hole and he dug again, revealing a complete dog kennel, buried in the sand. It's back wall was against the retaining wall in the garden bed, so maybe the sand had just blown over it a bit at a time, night after night, since they put it here. Maybe by yesterday, just the entrance was left exposed. Jane had covered it with an old blanket that smelt rather doggy, and must have warned Emily to stay quiet and not come out, no matter what. More sand must have blown over and hidden the blanket completely. It had been the perfect hidey hole. Not one of us had even noticed it there in the sand. Of course, the cave-in this morning would have been fatal had Edward not found her so quickly after it occurred.

She had been relatively safe and warm in there, until Jakey the dog had decided to escape. Still, he had saved her life, and no doubt his body had kept her warm all night just as Edward's had kept mine snug and cosy. Or vise versa. Whatever. That's what friends are for.

Edward took the dog over to the neighbour's house and I watched amused as he wriggled out of various invitations, for breakfast, hot coffee or "anything else you need, Detective."

I walked back to the motel and took a shower.

First I had to shake a ton of sand from my clothes, and I discovered my bra was missing. Completely. How the fuck had he managed to get it off me while I was fully clothed, without waking me up?

My nipples pebbled at remembering his touch, and I sighed.

"Abstinence, remember, Bella? There's no room in your life for any man at all, least of all your partner, no matter how freaking beautiful he may be. And how soft his touch is.."

This was not helping.

The door edged open. Edward stood there for a moment, taking in everything with his emerald green eyes, then he raised a hand and covered them while his lips smirked.

"Like that counts after you already peeped," I growled. He dropped his hand and looked openly, smiling at what he saw, and evidently liked. I felt my body flush from head to toe.

"Even better than I imagined. I found this. I thought you might need it," Edward replied, pulling my lacy white bra from where it had been lost, inside his jeans pocket.

I turned off the water and stepped out, daring his eyes to leave my face and roam downwards as I grabbed for my towel, and wrapped it around my torso.

"Spoilsport," he muttered.

"You must tell me sometime how you manage to train bras to drop off their owner and end up in your pocket."

He shrugged.

"I think it was an accident."

"Then you had better leave before my knee has an accident with your groin," I threatened, pushing him out the door and closing it.

I dressed and joined him in the kitchenette, and ate the bacon sandwich he offered me. He grinned as I consumed it in three bites. If men are looking for some dainty skeleton girl who pushes salad around a plate and never actually eats, this is the wrong girl. I eyed off Edward's sandwich until he tore it in half and handed the larger portion over. I demolished it as well, then I poured us some coffee and cooked him some more bacon.

I can cook, when I'm not ravenous.

"You fed me, now I'm feeding you," I said, making his second sandwich.

"Actually, I believe I prefer breastfeeding," he smirked.

I hit him.


	4. Chapter 4

It's Murder

Chapter 4

x~x

BPOV

To be honest, Edward has always confused me. His reputation preceded him so I knew when he was partnered with me that he had slept with all his previous female partners within days of meeting them. I knew his reasoning behind it, and somewhat agreed, but with me, he never offered. He didn't know at first about Riley, so what stopped him?

He'd made just that one weak, half hearted attempt to invite me out for a drink, so I had never been convinced he even intended following through and adding my notch to his bedpost.

Things had been at the best point ever with Riley that week; so I thought. He was talking about changes and moving forward and I guess I read things into his words that he didn't mean to imply. I really felt he was going to propose, so there was no way I would have slept with Edward anyway.

In truth, I was never put to the test.

He never asked.

Fidelity was not considered worth trying according to the other guys in the squad; by the time Edward came along. They were all jaded and divorced and some were bitter about ever having remained faithful to wives who had been seeing someone else; someone who had time for them, behind their backs. Nobody would have judged me harshly had I let Edward have his one night. It was what women did nowadays.

To save face, I started telling the many people who asked me if we'd 'done the deed yet' that it would never happen because Edward and I had mutually agreed it wasn't a good idea for us and we'd drawn that imaginary line in the imaginary sand.

We'd never actually talked about it at all.

Of course I told myself the reason he hadn't offered was because he respected me, and maybe once he knew about Riley he didn't want to rock the boat and cause a problem between us, even though he had no clue if I was the monogamous type or not. But deep down, I always suspected it was because he didn't think I was up to his standard.

His other partners on the force when he worked in DV or Major Crimes, had been all quite similar in looks. I'd seen them around the building at times. Edward had always been a guy you had to notice, even if you only looked at him when he didn't know.

He had managed to not only sleep with them, just the once rumour had it, but remain friends. And he had never let it interfere with their working relationship. In fact, the story went he did it to avoid complications by getting sex out of the way. Like it was inevitable every female partner he ever had just could not function until he bedded them. Who knows, maybe it had been true.

I'd looked at the various women, and wondered if they'd been mass produced in a factory somewhere.

Think of Barbie, original body shape before the toy company went all PC, and make the hair always long and blonde and you have a prototype for those women. They all had impressive racks, and somewhat vacant expressions, though maybe that is something I invented. It may not be true. I wanted them to be dumb blondes so maybe I tweaked them a little.

I knew I was not in their league, and my rack was very average, thus a complete fail to a man who liked enormous boobs, yet last night I heard him as he kissed my breasts and conversed with them.

"Perfect. Such a perfect fit. It's like you girls were made just for my hands."

That did not compute.

Maybe he adapted his seduction phrases to suit each woman he was playing with. Maybe it was all he could think of to say to my clearly smaller than he was used to, rack. I mean, it was hardly going to work if he raved on about how big they were when they clearly were not that big at all.

So he evolved and adapted and pretended they were good enough.

It kept me grounded, knowing I had not even appeared on his radar for three long years. He may have been getting carried away but foremost in my mind remained the knowledge he had possibly worked his way through every well endowed blonde in Boston, and now he was moving on to what was left. He'd had his idea of 'the best' now all that was left was 'the rest'.

I had noticed a few months ago, he started dating brunettes. Sometimes we would be in a bar having a drink together and my date would arrive, and Edward would say Goodnight grumpily and go pull right in front of us. He seemed to want to leave before we did. Just to prove he was all that and could have any woman he wanted, no doubt. Sometimes it felt like he wanted to have a pissing contest with me.

I had no problem finding willing men to scratch my itch, well lookey here, neither did he.

Jessica had just been the last in a long line of non-blonde girls he was hooking up with. But still, she had the Barbie Doll body and great rack. She was not such a great departure from his usual type.

Nobody would ever compare me to a Barbie.

Maybe Skipper, the cute little sister.

It hurt to think our friendship, that I truly considered completely real and unforced, was not standing in his way now he had decided I was acceptable to use for sex. I knew what he wanted, I wasn't stupid. At that one point when I was lost in his kiss, he'd almost got it last night.

He had said he wanted a change. Did he intend transferring to another unit? Was this seduction a last farewell? Was he pushing to sleep with me just so he could keep up his rep for screwing all his partners?

I tried to push it all away, into the back of my mind as we started work this morning.

We went to the hospital and checked on Emily. She was undamaged by her close call and seemed to have no sign of any brain damage, so it must have been mere minutes that she had been not breathing. Edward had found her soon enough to keep her brain intact.

The tox screen revealed her Mom must have drugged her to keep her quiet and hidden, which was why she had slept for the whole day and night. Jane must have thought she could handle whoever had come to her house. She must have needed Emily out of the way and silent, and she had improvised and done her best.

We'd stopped off at a toy store and stocked up with a doll and several toys and babyish games and took them to her.

She was in a small private room, off the Children's Ward, in a large metal crib. She recognized us and stood up excitedly as we approached, holding her arms out to Edward. All the girls loved Edward, no matter what age they were.

"Hi Wedward," she said excitedly.

He lifted her from the bed and bounced her in the air then sat down and put her on his lap.

She patted his face and laughed at him. I offered her the toys and she became completely absorbed with them as she picked up each new one then discarded it to go on to the next.

Finally she decided she liked the doll, and cuddled it to her little chest.

"Where's Jakey?" she asked.

"Jakey is safe. He ate lots of food after we found him," Edward replied. I noticed he didn't make her any promises about getting her dog back to her. Maybe whoever stepped in to parent her now would not want to keep the dog.

"Oh. Jakey kept me warm," she stated.

"Why did Mommy hide you, Emily?" he asked.

"Shh, Don't make any noise or the bad lady will hurt you and Jakey and you don't want that."

Edward's eyes met mine.

Bad _lady?_

She shook her head as she spoke. "Mommy gave me some yucky candy and hid us under the blanket. She said we could pretend it was a fairy Princess castle not a kennel. She said don't come out even if someone calls me cos she will be back soon and then we would have ice cream. I had to hold Jakey tight cos he wanted to go see the lady. I spitted out some of the candy and he ate it! Then he went to sleep and I went to sleep."

"Who was the bad lady, Emily?" Edward asked her. "Did you know her?"

The child nodded.

"Lauren. Lauren is the bad lady. She doesn't like Jakey or Memily."

"Lauren is Daddy's new wife," Edward reminded me.

We said goodbye to Emily and requested her police guard be kept on, and Edward told him to make very sure he didn't let Daddy or Lauren anywhere near the child. Babies and children had been murdered in hospitals before, particularly by their parents or stepparents, who were assumed to be safe and not threatening to the child's life.

Edward drove us to the father's house in a temper he rarely showed. It was one thing that the man had no interest in his own daughter but another that he had married a woman willing to kill to keep him from his first family.

Lauren knew the jig was up the moment she opened the door and saw Edward's expression.

"We have a witness that you went to Jane's house yesterday and threatened her life and the life of her daughter," he improvised. She frowned ,clearly wondering where she had slipped up and missed spotting this witness.

"You don't understand."

"Was your husband threatening to go back to Jane and Emily?" he asked.

"Never. He was well shot of them."

"Then why?"

"He refused to consider letting me have a baby of my own. He said if I wanted a kid that bad I could have the one he made with _her. _ And she told me that was never going to happen. I told her I was coming to get Emily and the bitch hid her somewhere. Across the road in that other nosy bitch's house, I bet. I just got so mad when Jane took me up to Emily's bedroom and the brat wasn't there..."

"You tied Jane up and hung her?" I said in surprise. We had not considered this crime could have been done by a woman. I looked at her arms. She was fit and obviously worked out and kept in shape but still. Jane would have fought and kicked out, surely.

"I have to caution you," Edward began. Lauren stood there, mute now, and refused to speak further so we arrested her and took her in.

The coroner's report was waiting and I read it through.

Jane had been knocked unconscious by a blow with a blunt implement to the back of her head. And her feet had been taped together, then clearly Lauren had had second thoughts and had removed the tape after she finished the job, maybe to make us wonder if Jane had set up a whole death by suicide to look like murder. And murder it was unless wearing a coil of rope was the latest fashion statement. This had been pre planned long before Lauren walked inside Jane's house.

Edward had another interview with Lauren and came out with a complete confession. She swore her husband had no idea what she had done. She'd parked her car along the road that ran parallel to Jane's street and ran through the sand dunes, thus nobody in the street saw her arrival.

The last thing she said was how much she regretted not finding Emily, leaving us to wonder if she meant so she could have taken the child and raised her as her own, or...not.

x~X~x

I hate people.

Give me a dog any day.

"Emily is going to be adopted by Jane's sister and her husband, in California," Edward said when he finished talking to the local boys."Even if her father had no part in any of this, he still doesn't want to parent her."

"What's going to happen to Jakey?" I checked.

"I guess he will be put in a shelter. Someone will adopt him, Bella."

"No," I replied, shaking my head. "I'm not risking him ending up in a kill shelter. I want to keep him myself."

"Seriously? You want a dog in that pretty new apartment of yours? He will make puddles on the floor, or even worse."

I shrugged.

"Alice has to learn how to house train Tom one day, she may as well learn how with Jakey."

Edward went off and got everything in writing then when it was time to go home that afternoon, he sent me to sit in his car while he tied up one last loose end.

I was sitting there, waiting, when he finally appeared and handed the puppy through the open window to me.

"It's yours. The aunt has dogs of her own already and thinks a new child is enough to handle. They are happy someone wants him."

Dogs live in the moment. New owners quickly overcome any memories of the last owners, and he was bonded to my side like glue by the time we got home. Edward insisted on carrying him inside, leaving my hands free for 'keys, etc.' Whatever etc was. I soon found out.

I unlocked the door and came face to face with my second favourite Cullen, though in reality, I loved Emmett just as much as I loved this tall, crazy blonde.

"Jasper," I squealed, throwing my arms around his neck.

"Bella, Baby. It's so good to see you. I love your new home. The furniture is a little gay for my taste but whatever. This place is a tiny bit bigger than the last apartment."

Alice stepped forward and I noted her perfect hair was a little mussed, and her lips were definitely looking a little red and swollen. Rather like mine had been after last night in the tent.

"Oh really," I said as it all clicked into place. "I see you two have met, then."

x~X~x

Alice seemed afraid I was angry with her. She took my hand and waved the guys on so Edward and his brother went into the sitting room ahead.

"I can explain. Wait, I can't explain. Honestly, when Edward said he had invited his brother to come keep me company, I just felt sad that he was so pretty and I was so over men.

We just talked, and he played with Tom and helped me bathe him last night before bed, and all I expected to happen was a friendly evening chatting in front of the fireplace.

Then my arm accidentally brushed against his when I leaned to pour more wine and it was like static or something.

Bella, I couldn't help myself. I don't think he had any plans before that moment, either.

We forgot the wine, and kissed and touched and I swear we did not defile your sofa."

"You took it to the bedroom? Good," I huffed.

Like it's not frustrating enough doing this whole pathetic celibacy thing; now I will have the image in my head of this pair going at it like rabbits all night.

"Alice, please be careful. Don't rebound with him. I love you and I love Jasper but if this doesn't turn out well, I'm going to be caught in the middle. You have been without sex and companionship for a long time now. Don't mistake this for something it's not. Is he on the same page as you or is this just a holiday shag for him?"

She smiled.

"I think by now I can tell when a man is truly into me. I know, I was wrong about James, but you were wrong about Riley, don't forget."

How could I?

"This is different. It's hard to explain how. With James, there was always something not quite right, not quite real. I did fear at times he was just staying for as long as the good times lasted and he didn't really ever intend marrying me.

Like when we got engaged.

He could sense I was getting impatient and fed up with our lack of progress and he seemed to be weighing up if it was worth taking us to the next level or not. I was honestly confused about whether he would propose or leave.

Even as he slid that ring on my finger, it felt like a bribe to pay for a few more months.

I could tell he wasn't nearly as keen to get married as I was, and I think the pregnancy was just the last straw. He didn't want to be a husband and father; and now he had an excuse to just go.

Jasper feels different. He seems to want to stay, already. He loves Tom, and I think he loves me, Bella. I know it's been far too quick, but maybe there is such a thing as love at first sight."

"Please don't take any chances and get pregnant again," I begged.

"I won't. You know why? Because I would not do that to Jasper. I want _him_, not his child. Not yet. I know I was happy when I conceived Tom, but I think it was because I knew James would not stay in the long run, and I wanted a little piece of him to keep for myself.

With Jasper, I truly just want to be with him."

"Just don't get carried away. Keep a little detached until you know for sure," I advised.

"Not everyone lets one failed relationship change them and ruin their whole life," she said softly. "Riley still controls you, like he always did, but now he's doing it from miles away. You are letting him stop you from moving on."

"I don't even care about Riley now, and I have moved on. I've met other guys and dated. I just haven't met anyone worthwhile taking a chance on," I huffed. God, she thought she knew everything. Riley was nothing to me now. He chose to leave, and to never come back. I wasn't waiting for him. I wasn't the deluded one here.

I learned from my mistakes.

Love or whatever I'd thought Riley and I shared was an illusion. He'd never objected when I'd started talking about us moving in together, even if it never actually happened. I had understood, he'd had a lot on his mind and he wasn't ready to share his space with anyone else quite yet but he had assured me it would happen, in time.

And I always knew he put the job first so why I had been shocked that he chose to stay undercover? I should have expected it before anyone else.

Anyway, no harm done. He has his new life; I have mine. I have my amazing apartment. You can't have everything, even if Alice thinks she can.

This will all end in tears and I just hope she means what she says and she won't come out of it when it ends with another baby.

Imagine how awkward it would be.

Esme would be wanting to see her grandbaby no matter how bitter the end splitting up was, and Alice would probably not want anything to do with any of the Cullen's at all, so I'd be the one taking Jasper Jr back and forth between them. And Edward would either want to take over and do that instead, or else want us both to stay the Hell out of it completely, and Esme would be appealing to me to help, and he'd be stomping about threatening to transfer out if I tried to help her.

Fuck, who thought it would be a good idea to ever introduce this pair? Edward had told me about how fucked up Maria and Jas had been and I'd seen glimpses of it for myself when we visited the family.

Just more proof nobody but Carlisle and Esme had what it took and got it right. And don't bother telling me they are 'soul mates' so it all came easily to them. They both worked their arses off to keep one another happy and to hold on to what they had. If either of them had gotten lazy and given up trying somewhere along the way, tell me they wouldn't be like everyone else's parents by now? Divorced, bitter, 'moving on' with substitutes, and wondering how it all turned to shit.

Come on; one happy forever couple, out of all the people we know?

If it were something we could bet on, who would be crazy enough to put their money on the remote chance love lasted?

At least my head was capable of keeping sex and emotions separate, like everyone else should.

Look at Edward. He managed it as well. We were the smart ones.

"Come see your newly furnished rooms," Alice said, taking my hand.

The sitting room was amazing, with it's cathedral ceiling soaring above us. The stained glass windows had been custom made, with their multi shaped frames. A large circular window took up maybe a quarter of one wall. It contained a white dove with a twig in it's beak, flying past a rainbow. When the sun chose to come out from behind the clouds and shine through it, this whole room dripped with every colour known to man.

The original front wall had featured large tall windows but as the view was merely of a solid brick wall next door, this was a much better set up.

The other windows were square, or arched or rectangular, and each had simple stained glass scenes of wildflowers in meadows. Some in reds and oranges; some all shades of blue; some in purples and yellows and soft mauves. My favourite was diamond shaped and depicted soft pink fairy roses surrounded by tiny white blooms and bright purple irises. It was directly opposite where my bed faced out over the open void so it would be the first thing I saw when I awoke of a morning.

I dare say one did not often come upon that combination of flowers in the wild, but the colours melded together perfectly so some artistic licence was allowable.

I may not have an actual yard but I had the most beautiful garden right here on my walls.

All the walls were painted nondescript off white and the floorboards were whitewashed so they were just the canvas.

Edward's white lounge suite with it's many couches and armchairs fitted in perfectly. This sitting room was so big and open it needed a lot of furniture, so the many pieces his Mom had bought to fill all three of Edward's living rooms now filled just this one.

Looking up, you could see into my loft bedroom. Where the missing wall would usually be was an above the waist height balustrade of broomstick thick wooden columns, all beautifully carved by hand no doubt. They were evenly spaced and the gaps between them allowed you to see into the room easily.

The lack of privacy didn't bother me at all. Nobody would sleeping in the sitting room and looking up at me.

Not in this apartment.

You could see the ornate brass bed end, and the bottom of my white comforter. I needed something else, something amazing for a bed cover. My old quilt looked shabby and not in a chic way, so I would put it away in the closet.

Maybe I should buy a dozen throw pillows in bright patterns and colours and prop them along against the bedhead? I wanted my bedroom to be fun, not nearly as formal as Alec's had been, and Edward's was. Bedrooms are for fun, not deadly serious pursuits.

You could also see the claw footed tub ten foot from the side of the bed, so if I was sitting naked in it, maybe you would be able to see parts of me usually kept covered.

By bras or by Edward's chilly hands.

Had that been a good idea or a very bad idea? Did he think anything had changed between us now? God, men are just suckers for boobs. Just because they didn't have any of their own they become obsessed with them.

We don't have dicks and you don't see us wanting to paw the front of their pants all the time just because they have one each. Most of them are very ordinary and not that interesting anyway.

I've yet to meet a dick I'd want to have myself if I was a man.

We looked at men's faces when we were speaking to them, not their crotches. Dicks were something we borrowed the use of now and then, but it didn't have to mean anything.

How the hell did this become all about male appendages? I was glad none of these three could read my mind.

"Show me the dining room," I said and Edward and Jasper went back to whatever they'd been talking about before Alice and I had intruded.

As I expected, I now had a large white table and six matching elaborate chairs. Plus an armoire against each wall and two upmarket open kitchen dressers flanking the large bay window.

Now I just needed fancy dinnerware to showcase in them.

The media room now was a media room and had white leather recliner chairs and the largest television I'd ever seen. It creeped me out a little. In close ups, Johnny Depp's face would be larger than life. I hope he doesn't have bad skin or pimples when you are looking at him that closely. Ah, but it also meant I'd get up close and personal to Chris Hemsworth. My Thor and Avengers dvd's had better be here among the stack that must be Edward's.

Casablanca was on top, so it had made the trip upstairs safely.

Alice's bedroom was pretty and my bed looked good in here, with walls and all. She had the new pull out sofa against the wall with the large window so she could curl up on it to read.

If she found time now she had Jasper to play with. I'm not jealous or bitter.

Her few clothes were hanging in the walk through robe that led to her bathroom.

Maybe if she left the bathroom door open when she showered, the steam would keep them freshly ironed looking.

The baby's room was so adorable I pondered about buying one of those realistic baby dolls to put in here when Alice moved on in the future and took Tom with her.

The largest plain wall now boasted bright wallpaper that wasn't so childish it would need to be updated and changed as he grew, if he did stay for a few years.

"Edward put that up. He didn't think you would mind."

"It's fine. It brightens the room with all the primary colours," I replied. The curtains were made of identically patterned fabric. "Did he pull out his sewing machine and run these up?"

Alice looked quizzically at me.

"Sorry, I'm just frustrated. Whoever thought abstinence was viable? It's crazy. I'm no virgin and I could always find some man who would agree for us to hook up regularly at his place, I suppose. I don't want to sully my apartment with a succession of temporary men."

"Or you could man up and look for someone to love. Someone you would be happy to 'sully' your loft bedroom with."

"That won't be happening. That's my own personal space and will be forever. I don't want memories of some man who seemed to be my ideal then did me wrong, hanging about up there like some ghost."

"Not every single man in the world cheats, Bella."

"No, some of them just get your hopes up and desert you," I replied.

The other two guest rooms were pretty enough but the one Jasper's suitcase was in felt empty and cold. His bed was not even made up with linen. But then, it didn't need to be, did it? Alice had sheets and blankets on her bed and they seemed happy to share it, obviously.

"We should eat. Maybe food will make you more amiable," Alice suggested.

I doubted it.

Food would not satisfy the appetite gnawing at my body.

X~x~X~x~X

Supper was a lazy meal, with Tom grizzling and reaching for the dog, instead of eating the mushed up mess of unidentifiable vegetables his mother was trying to force into his mouth.

Jasper was sitting beside Alice, with their chairs pulled so close they were touching. They chatted to one another like old friends and barely noticed we were back.

"Okay, Edward, all this furniture looks familiar," I growled. "Strangely it seems to be identical to the furniture in your apartment. I wonder what the explanation could possibly be."

"Give him a break, Bella," Jasper broke off his conversation with Alice to interrupt, "Mom tends to forget her sons are single and free bachelors who are allowed to furnish their manly caves however they want to. She always likes missing the middle stage and honing in on where she hopes we will all end up in the not too distant future.

With a wife who likes this type of furniture. You want his women to think he chose it himself? He'll never get them into his bed, but they may send around their gay best friends."

"I'm not doing that anymore," Edward stated.

Jas looked at his brother in shock. He picked up his glass and examined the rich red wine inside it.

"You are not hooking up any more, or not taking them to your place?"

"Neither. If Bella can handle celibacy, I'm sure it won't be much of a challenge for me," he replied.

Yeah, because I'm handling it so well. I avoided eye contact with the emerald orbs looking at me.

"It's easy. Piece of cake," I lied. Two more minutes of Edward's hand roaming about down there last night and we'd neither of us qualify to use the term celibate. Maybe this was a very bad idea. Maybe Mike would forgive and forget if I promised to suffer through enough arias to keep him happy. Bad sex may just be better than no sex at all.

"So, you two cooked so go do Tom's bath and I'll clean up," I suggested, taking a pile of plates to the kitchen. Alec had left me all his white goods, so my dishwasher was much larger and more efficient than the little one in the other apartment.

I rinsed and stacked and Edward cleaned the counter tops and put leftovers away.

"You really did intend getting new furniture for your place before I bought this apartment?" I asked.

"I did. It's time. I always have wanted to change it, ever since Esme showed me what she had bought, but I never found the time. It's not me but it is you. Just accept it in the spirit it's given. If I'm renting a bedroom off you, I would prefer to have an armchair to sit in and a tv to watch in the media room."

He flicked off the light switch as I set the dishwasher, and the room went dark.

Next thing I had two arms around me and my body immediately betrayed me and relaxed and melded against his. A frisson of excitement hovered in the air.

"If I promised to keep it out of the workplace and we just used one another for sex, would you allow that?" he asked, his lips against my ear. "I don't think either of us are the abstaining type. It could create an awkward atmosphere at work, if we both want to shag every opposite gender suspect and witness we encounter."

His words sounded sincere but there was something a little off as well. But I ignored it, of course.

"It is starting to seem like the obvious solution," I admitted. A girl can change her mind. Change her rules, even if they were carved in stone. This could be useful for both of us.

I don't even get why I think sex with Edward could be dangerous, if there were no emotions involved. Why would it be any different to sex with Mike or his predecessors? It was just something my body clearly needed and didn't want to go without and Edward was here, needing the same thing.

He was well versed in sex without attachment. I wouldn't have to explain the concept to him or caution him, or sit through screaming fat ladies who mostly seemed to end up dead on stage, just to get some booty afterwards. We could keep it completely separate.

"Nobody can know. Marcus would be very displeased, " I reminded him.

"I wasn't planning on telling anyone," he replied, biting my earlobe and setting my body on fire.

"Have you been upstairs and seen how tidy my closet is?" I murmured. I know , no ghost in the bedroom but I could handle Edward's ghost. It would be different to some strangers and I'd rather enjoy having it as my companion when Edward himself was gone.

"No, you should show me," he whispered, wrapping his fingers in my hair and pulling it gently.

Somehow we made it up the spiral staircase and onto my bed, where it appeared some of my clothing had evaporated on the trip up here.

"Was this why you insisted we get tested?" I asked him as his lips grazed my earlobe. It had seemed a strange, random request at the time.

"Someday we may want to move on to sex without condoms, so we needed to be sure," he whispered.

I felt myself dampen at the thought. Not since my foolhardy teen years had I ever had sex without a layer of latex between my body and the owner of the joystick.

Edward's hand sought out my throbbing center and I wondered if finger size bore any relationship to the size of any other part of his anatomy because he had very long fingers indeed.

I gasped a little as his hand worked me into a vibrating, desperate ball of frenzy.

His touch was making me needier than I'd ever felt before. I wanted more of him, one other part in particular.

"Please," I begged and felt him push off his jeans and boxers together, and reach for the bedside cabinet in which he had apparently already created a stash of condoms.

The tear of the foil, the slight grunt as he eased it on, into place, and I was so ready.

Through my half closed eyes, I watched him smooth a layer of lube over the rubber. Just watching him touching himself like this made me so wet he would not need that lube.

His fingers were back, making sure the pot was still on the boil but that was not a problem, as he instantly realized.

His hands rested on the mattress on either side of my head as he hovered above me. We kept eye contact in the moonlight that streamed through the skylight above my bed, and smiled at one another. Normally at this point I shut my eyes and think of England, and just hope I will get one small thrill at least before my 'boyfriend' gets his and it's all over.

This time I wanted to keep eye contact and remind myself this was Edward. My best friend. He cared about me and if he wanted this to become our new 'thing', I'd wager he would try and make it good for me.

I had a feeling this would be worth the hassle of sneaking around.

He eased inside me slowly and I bit my lip and breathed deeply. My God, had I but known how well endowed he was, I would have swallowed my pride ages ago and jumped him one night when he was sleeping on my sofa, and risked injury from the springs.

"Are you okay?" he whispered, pausing as my body fought to adapt to his size. If any other man had asked, I would have thought him a complete tool for assuming this was the biggest I'd experienced but in Edward's case, it was true. He was...large.

"Mmmm," I replied, letting go of the breath I'd been holding and taking a gulp of fresh air into my lungs.

He edged in further and I felt him filling inside perfectly. This was so...unexpected. I thought he was probably a good lay seeing women did try to hook up with him again, but I guess I'd just assumed he knew what he was doing by now.

The fact he was so well endowed had not occurred to me.

He stopped and kissed my lips, making me moan out loud as his tongue massaged mine.

It worked, all of me relaxed.

"More?" he asked, a hand creeping down to my breast, playing with a nipple.

"There's more?" I said in disbelief.

He laughed quietly, amused, and started rocking, slowly, balancing on one hand; letting me adjust. Wow. I could feel every inch of him, and there were plenty.

I did thank God he had not been my first, because not only would he have been too large for a virgin to cope with, but also he would have ruined it for every guy who came after him.

Oh great time to be thinking of that now, Bella. If he decides this is a one off, then is there even any point looking for Mr Next, because he will disappoint.

I lay back and let him do the work, just to see how good he really was.

His green eyes burned and he kept watching my eyes as he thrust in over and over.

Sigh.

This was what I'd always imagined sex would be like. I'd read so many romance novels in my teens and had believed the lies. That every man was a God between the sheets and he lived to make you happy and satisfied, not caring about his own release because his main concern was pleasing you.

I could hear humming, and it took a moment to realize it was coming from me. Oh, Edward was good.

Very good indeed.

He pushed in and pulled out in long, slow strokes, igniting my body deep within and I bucked up to meet him every time, without thought. I could not lay there waiting for his re-entry, I wanted it now.

I suddenly understood why Jessica had been loathe to let him slip away after their one night of bliss. Not only did he have the goods but he knew how to use them for maximum effect.

Whoa, what was that? What the fuck was he doing to me? Something inside was purring and screaming for more.

Oh yes, it seemed I did have a g spot after all. I had wondered if it was just a myth but no, he was hitting it each time he came back inside me. It was like an electric charge. I was sure there were sparks.

He hadn't forgotten my other most sensitive area either, and he paused as he ground against it each exiting, and re-entry . My body was so on fire, I could almost smell it smoldering.

If he hadn't been making me desperate to come, I'd have been happy to lay here and take this for a very long time but my body refused to listen and ground against him.

I was writhing beneath him, not the best position for female satisfaction, but he had so much to offer he seemed to be everywhere and he brought me over the brink effortlessly.

"Edward," I cried out loud as everything built up to a crescendo and I peaked, moaning and shaking all over. It seemed there was a God, and he was inside me.

His arms closed around my body and held me still as I rolled with the waves of pleasure and forgot my own name. I felt so alive, and life was suddenly very worth living.

Just as I feared I was becoming too overwhelmed with this unprecedented level of pleasure, and it was too much and I may just blackout, he whispered in my ear and brought me back to him.

"It's okay, just relax and let yourself really feel, Bella. This is the reason we are here. I'll keep you safe, just go with it."

I shut my eyes and drifted, feeling myself tossed and buffeted as if I was in the control of the sea or maybe the wind. Colors streaked across the sky like shooting stars, and I heard myself cry out at the wonder of it all.

I had no idea my body was capable of this, and suddenly the reason why people become obsessed with sex made perfect sense. I'd never understood before.

Finally it started to abate, and I shuddered through the aftershocks. Then just in time, he moved again and kept them happening. His rock hardness against my melted softness, he somehow kept the waves pulsing for an age before they finally ended, leaving me boneless.

I opened my eyes and saw the delight in his.

He wasn't smirking, congratulating himself that, yes, he was that good, like I expected. No, he just looked happy for me. Like me being happy made him happy as well.

His rested his forehead against mine.

It seemed my release was important to him, which was new for me. Most guys care about getting themselves off and if you manage to get your thrill along the way, good for you. Whatever. Just don't ask for special consideration, or slow down their own pleasure.

"You are making me so happy," he said quietly, kissing my lips gently.

I was surprised at how different this was to any other encounter I'd been in. He really seemed to care that I was enjoying myself. But he had awakened something inside me and made me greedy. Was this almost done? Would he simply release himself and call it a night? That seemed to be how it usually went.

I need not have worried.

Edward kept his lips on mine as he started thrusting inside me again. I flexed my pelvic floor muscles and felt myself tighten around him, exciting him past his point of control, and he started thrusting wildly, desperately, and I felt him jerk almost in shock as he came and he screamed my name. Nobody had ever done that before.

He clung to me, holding me close, moaning into my mouth as his heart raced against my breasts. I kept my arms around him as he lunged in slowly now, feeling him ride out his orgasm. He seemed to know exactly how to prolong every bit of pleasure for us both and I felt myself get excited again, knowing I had brought him over as well.

This was so different, so foreign. I actually cared that he was enjoying my body. I wanted to give him everything. And I wanted more of him for myself.

His lips were on my throat, licking, mouthing me wetly.

"Oh God, do that again," I begged. I had no self consciousness, no care at how wanton I sounded. I had never experienced any lover a tenth as skilled as this man before. I just wanted more and more.

"So long as you do that thing to me again," he replied, his eyes shining, his body slick with sweat.

"What? What did I do?"I asked. I wasn't aware of doing anything special.

"You clenched. I've never felt that before. You blew my mind."

"Oh..there's a name for that? I just wanted to keep you inside me forever."

It seems a night with Edward is value for money and he bounced right back after each climax, ready for more. He loved it when I 'clenched' and took control of his orgasm. I could feel the anticipation from his body as he tried to pinpoint when I was going to bring him over. Sometimes I did it as soon as I recovered from my own orgasm; sometimes I kept him guessing and let him thrust for a few minutes more before tightening up on him and it was exciting to hear him scream my name over and over. Which was now "Yes, God Yes, Bella" it seemed.

I could easily become addicted to hearing that.

Condoms were discarded and replaced. I was no slouch myself, but I'd never managed even two orgasms in a row before. Let's face it, if I'd managed to get one before the guy finished, I'd considered it a victory. Maybe I should have 'clenched' them. It seemed to be something men went wild for.

The repeated orgasms left my body limp but happy.

"Really?" he sighed in my ear. "You are done?"

He was still moving inside me, still stoking the embers back into flame as he nipped my neck with his teeth. Everything he did just made me want more. He lowered his head and started nipping my nipples and my mind blanked.

"Oh Edward," I sighed, forgetting everything but the need to come again.

"Do you think you are ready to go on top?" he asked me.

I had visions of myself being split in two as he impaled me . He used a lot of lube on himself and then lubed up two of his long clever fingers and put them inside me, and he rotated them against my walls and coated them. He deliberately kept exciting me as he did this, and when I was humming with pleasure he lowered my body onto his slowly and showed me how to be in control of the depth of his penetration by taking my weight on my bended knees as I straddled him. Let's just say this had never been an issue before, with anyone else.

I could not take all of him in and I paused and rose away from his torso again. Edward just smiled and held my hips loosely, letting me remain completely in control.

"You are too big, I can't..." I stated.

"You will get used to it, in time," he promised. So, this was not a one off night? Good to know.

For the first time, I felt unsure about what I was doing, and it did cross my mind this may not have been our best idea, but as I felt him buck inside me, I didn't care. He felt amazing. I felt amazing. I'd never been with a man who seemed to know me so intimately and he'd already assessed my limits and was holding back so he didn't hurt me. As soon as I felt myself drifting into an orgasm, I did the clenching thing. We peaked together, for the first time and he grinned as he shook inside me and he leaned to kiss my shoulder.

"Tell me when you want to stop," he whispered, "because I'm never going to want to."

"Maybe we could rest for awhile," I replied, not because I wanted it over, but because I seriously needed a break. I had never done marathon sex before. It took some effort and adjustments.

Edward rolled me from on top of his body and disposed of the condom, then held me tight to his side. One arm was under my shoulders, keeping me close, the other flung above his head.

"Bella, that was the most amazing time I have ever had making , um, sex. You were right to call a halt because I will never get enough of you."

Making sex?

What was that about?

He could never get enough of me?

I wanted it to be true, but we had to keep this just between the sheets and if it changed and interfered with our working relationship, that would suck. We'd have to stop, because the job came first.

_No, I came first,_ I laughed inside my head.

"Sleep," he commanded, shifting our bodies as one, spooning his around mine. "We need to regain our energy for the morning session."

"Like I will be able to sleep now, thinking about that," I murmured, but he already knew that molding his body behind mine, keeping maximum body contact, would send me off to Dreamland, and my eyelids were already fluttering. I felt so safe in his arms and I felt him softly kiss the top of my head as he surrounded me.

How come I had received more affection from a friend with benefits than ever from any of the guys who had sworn they loved me? It made no sense. Edward's hands slipped to wrap me in his embrace and I wove my fingers through his, and he sighed with what sounded very much like happiness. I had no clue as to the rules he wanted us to stick to, but we were beloved friends already and I didn't want to treat him like a convenient stranger, and it seemed, he didn't intend treating me that way either.

x~X~x

You know those dreams that are so vivid they trick you into thinking they are real? I was having one.

I woke up, alone, but could hear someone playing the piano.

I walked from the bedroom, dressed in something long and loose and floaty.

Edward was sitting at the piano, playing it intensely.

He started singing and I was surprised at how beautiful his voice was.

"This is a night

Something out of a movie from Hollywood

This is a night

Like your favourite song, makes you feel so good

This amazing night, I will remember until my time is through

Because I got to spend this night with you."

Oh, it was a love dream.

It seemed now my sexual needs had been taken care of so thoroughly, my brain had started craving love.

Edward looked up and his jade eyes burned. He walked towards me and took me into his arms, leading me around the loft floor, dancing in that old fashioned romantic way people used to dance.

Bodies together, hands entwined, eyes for only one another.

He didn't speak as such, but kept singing that part of a song over and over.

I could feel the love between us and he leaned down and kissed me.

Strangely, he still kissed the way he did in real life.

I was right; the man kissed like a man in love.

Although he was dancing, the piano kept playing.

Then he lifted me onto the top of it and sat down again, his fingers caressing the keys.

The music changed as he played so sweetly it had to be a lullaby.

I blinked.

There was a child sitting beside him.

She was small and had his hair, only it was very long, down her back, touching the seat.

She was clearly his little girl.

I watched her as she smiled at him and tried to copy the tune he was playing.

Then she looked up and saw me and her eyes were my eyes.

That was strange.

Was she my child as well?

Seriously?

Did my idea of a happy ever after now include a child, because it never had before.

They are too easily hurt by their parents. I would mess up her life and make her as confused and as closed off as I was.

So full of doubt that love even existed.

I drifted back, away from them, and Edward paused and held out a hand to me.

The child followed his lead and held out her hand as well.

I knew they were offering me a place at their side.

I stood there, undecided.

Love or an empty future?

I didn't really want to live the rest of my life all alone. I was gathering people to share my apartment with me because I needed friends. I needed companions.

Would the day come when I would take a chance on love again?

At worst, it would all fall down like it had with Riley but there was hope it wouldn't and it might just last and be real.

Everything went misty and Edward and the little girl disappeared and I sat there on the floor all alone.

Maybe they had got tired of waiting for me.

Was Edward my One or was he just a stand-in to represent the man in my future?

Surely I would know if he was meant for me in a real, lasting way.

Then I heard that song playing again.

Edward was singing but the words were different now.

"Well it's five o'clock, we share another cigarette

We're talking about a night that we will never forget

No destination, we went for a ride

Somewhere to run, some place to hide

And really soon, it's all over too fast

We're going back to nothing, so we are making it last."

Fuck me, reality had to show itself even in my dreams?

I _am_ grounded, I know it's just sex so fuck off and stop reminding me.

And I would never share a cigarette with Edward. He'd had such a struggle to give up nicotine.

I _care _about Edward. I would never do anything to hurt him.

Get it right, Fate, Mother Nature, Universe, whoever the fuck you are.

The dream vanished and when I woke up just a tiny memory remained but it vanished completely as I stretched and opened my eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

It's Murder

Chapter 5

EPOV

Fuck me, who would have thought with all the women I'd 'spent time' with, that there would be anything I had never experienced in bed?

Watching Bella come undone had been amazing enough; I had never felt so happy and proud.

It had started pretty much as I expected. Once women saw what I had to offer, they tended to lay back and let me do the work. I guessed they assumed my size alone guaranteed them a thrill so they made little effort themselves. I wasn't disappointed or resentful, it was just the way it always went down.

I loved making Bella smile and moan and watching her dissolve around me. Then I shifted my focus and was contemplating how long I could keep this first round going when she threw me for a loop and _clenched._ For years I'd been in charge of my own release and no girl had ever milked it from me without me being ready to let go, but Bella had taken control and made me come without warning...

I thought I had literally shattered into a million pieces of throbbing pleasure.

The world went dark and the sky lit up as a thousand shooting stars rushed past me, then I realized I was those shooting stars.

It had never been like that for me before, and I was instantly hooked.

I felt weightless and like a pulsing, shaking ball lof throbbing energy.

It took a while to become grounded again but when I did,Bella was holding me tight against her body and I breathed again.

Fuck me.

It was so unexpected.

I was always in control, always controlled the pace. I never even wanted anyone else to take over and make my orgasm their goal. I liked timing things and letting go when I was ready, but it had been so incredible, all I was left with was the aftershocks and rush.

I'd loved it so much when I did it to her; now she was smiling and watching my eyes as she did it back.

Wow.

It just goes to show you don't really know someone until you sleep with them.

Now I was truly hooked,in every single way. Bella was a tigress.

I'd been willing to accept her even if she was a pussycat in bed, but now...

She was my new drug of choice, and unlike my nicotine habit, I knew I was never going to be able to give her up.

And she solved a mystery for me.

My brothers had always been a lot more savvy when it came to sex than I was when we were teenagers, and Emmett had once announced he had found himself 'a clencher'. I had only ever heard of anyone clenching their teeth and wondered if that was considered a bigger compliment than making a girl moan and scream your name.

Jaz had high fived him, and I went along with it, but I really had no idea what they were talking about. I didn't want to show my ignorance, so it had remained a mystery to me.

When Jas kept going back to Maria, I'd pulled him aside and asked him what the fuck was so beguiling about her, because we couldn't see it, and he'd confessed she was the first clencher he had ever encountered for himself.

"I know she is a bitch out of the bedroom but this girl takes me to Heaven and back. I just think she is worth keeping if only for the sex."

That made things no clearer for me.

When I first came home to Bella's apartment , Alice had taken Bella aside and left my brother and I alone so we had a chance to talk.

First thing he had said was "_Thank you bro. Best. Clencher. Ever."_

I'd given him the thumbs up and shrugged it off. Whatever.

"Edward, don't you realise the significance here? The only thing I miss about Maria is what she did to me in bed, and you know I thought she was worth the agony she put me through just to keep that. Now you hand me this beautiful creature who is adorable and funny and I swear,made just for me, and she _clenches?_ That's like a miracle, bro. I always assumed I'd have to compromise and choose between amazing temptress in bed, or nice personality I could enjoy being with ; never did I think I could have both in one. This girl is amazing. Thank you so much, Edward. I bow to your superior knowledge of who is best for me."

"I knew the moment I met her that you would go apeshit for her," I replied.

"That's the obvious part. But a clencher into the bargain? You won't get this girl off me again with a crowbar. Last night was the best night of my existence."

Now I knew for myself.

Fuck me, I could almost understand him not wanting to let Maria go now, risking never finding another girl who did the things she did..

I'd spent the night having the most intense fun I'd ever had, and seriously, if it were my choice, we would never leave this bed.

I'd slept like the dead, with the girl of my dreams in my arms and her aroma drifting around me.

If she woke up this morning and decided this was a bad idea after all and called a halt, I'd go insane.

To want her was one thing; to have her and lose her...no fucking way.

I had to do something; whatever it took, to make her fall in love with me.

She was mine and nobody else would ever lay a finger on her again.

The past was just that; the past.

I didn't care any more about who she'd been with or what they had done together because our lives started anew today and it was what happened from this point onwards that mattered.

I watched her sleeping and my heart felt fit to burst. She was everything I never knew I wanted.

The buzzing of my cell had woken me up.

We'd slept in so maybe last night had been a little too intense. I was no more used to long sessions than Bella was, but I knew it would be this way if she ever relented and let me share her bed and her body. And once she had clenched, I had to have more.

It's impossible to explain what it feels like. It's something every man needs to feel for himself.

God, now I had to move things to the next level as soon as is humanly possible.

I had exactly half of everything I'd ever wanted.

I had the right girl in my bed, or in reality, I was in the right girl's bed.

Now for the tricky part. It would be really hard to hide my feelings and not tell her how much I loved her already. I'd almost said 'making love' and that was probably a give away.

Making sex? Good one, Edward. Now she thinks you are an idiot.

I wanted her to think well of me, and to let me inside her heart.

She ignited my soul just as much as my body and it felt weird holding back and pretending this was just sex.

For the last few years all I'd ever done was 'just sex', and I longed to see just how good love and lust together could be. I wanted to say the pretty words I had never uttered. I wanted to hold her and kiss her and talk about our future.

It was way too soon and any talk like that would just get me exiled downstairs. I had to take things slowly, and be satisfied with whatever she allowed. Just spending another night wrapped around her body had been so wonderful I could hardly contain my joy.

But fuck me, now I'd been inside her, I wanted so much more.

I wanted to exchange declarations and promises that I would do my very best to keep.

My phone rang again.

"Edward Cullen," I answered quietly, not wanting to disturb the beauty in my arms.

"So Jasper says you two are back and will probably have some time off in lieu of the time off you were meant to have before," my Dad said. "Are you coming to visit us?"

"We have to finish up today but I guess we can visit if Marcus doesn't have anything new waiting. I'm bringing Bella with me."

"Oh," he said flatly. It was strange for him to react that way. He had been disappointed when I told him originally I'd intended visiting alone. What had changed? He and Mom loved Bella and I knew they wished we'd just get together and give them a wedding to plan. They'd both thought she was my One the first time they met her.

I'd had to plead with them to swear they would never say anything like that to her, because at the time I thought they were dreaming. It seemed they had been the ones seeing things clearly.

But even so, there would not be a wedding; not for years if ever.

One of the results of the fallout from the Riley thing was that Bella now no longer believed in marriage. He'd hurt her in so many ways, and I knew it would be a very long time before she trusted anyone, including myself.

Anyway, by the sound of things, Mom and Dad had given up on marrying us off.

Well, they'd be able to do that for Jasper and Alice, if I was correctly reading the writing on the wall.

"That's fine," Dad said, but for some reason I suspected he didn't mean it.

"I'll call you and let you know either way. I should know for certain around noon."

Bella stirred and felt myself get excited at the thought she had agreed to a morning session. She stretched then opened her eyes and looked a tiny bit confused at first, then she grinned up at me.

"Yes! Not a sex dream. I'm glad."

"You have sex dreams?" I asked. I'd never heard her experience anything like that the many nights I'd slept on her sofa.

"Sometimes they were better than the real thing. When I was dating Mike for instance..."

Show no jealousy.

I wanted to tear him apart just for being allowed to touch her. Douche. But I was letting the past go now, right?

"So sex with Mike wasn't that good?" I pushed, allowing myself the satisfaction of hearing he wasn't Bella's best.

"No Edward, it wasn't. Mike was not good at 'making sex'," she laughed.

"That was your fault. You were so amazing last night you scrambled my brain. My words got confused."

"We should shower," she said, sniffing. "I hate it when I can smell my own sweat. You need to wash me."

"My pleasure, but don't get dressed afterwards because we are coming back to bed."

Bella openly admired my body parts and stroked my ever hard erection as I washed her. I didn't want shower sex yet. We had a nice comfy bed to roll around in. There were places I needed to touch and caress again and I wanted both hands free to do that.

I dried the water from her back and she flicked my backside with her towel and it descended into a tickling match. I won. She's so sensitive. I loved how she laughed, so freely, so uninhibited. We were still best friends, but now we were more. Not enough, but baby steps, Edward.

"Lay back and shut your eyes," I suggested. I wanted to look at every inch of her as I touched.

She shook her head.

"I like gazing into your eyes. It makes me shivery. Let me watch."

Shivery was good.

"Okay," I agreed and started stroking down her torso with soft strokes of my fingers.

"You have such long...fingers," she chuckled. "Maybe it is true about men's 'appendages' being three times the length of their thumb. I want to measure."

"Behave," I laughed. "It feels pretty damned large at the moment. Do you feel like talking about last night?"

"Sure. Me first. Just a heads up for you. I know you are a guy and they are clueless but the way you kiss..."

"You don't like the way I kiss?"

"Yes, I like it. But this is where you are going wrong. When you are hooking up and want the girl involved to know there's nothing between you two, you _cannot_ expect to kiss her like that and have her think this is just one-off funtimes. You kiss like you want to marry the woman on your lips. No wonder Jessica and some of the others kept coming back. You wanted to know why they did that to you...this is why. Girls do not listen to words, they get their information from actions.

Just like assuring a girl you really do love her when she's caught you screwing around, your kisses are saying the opposite thing to your words.

You need to learn to kiss in a detached way so she feels the 'goodbye' in them."

I nodded and pretended I was taking note. I'd never kissed anyone like I kissed Bella. I knew my heart was on my sleeve, or on my lips it seemed, but it was hard enough not saying the words. She had to cut me some slack and let me kiss her differently.

This was not like anything else I'd ever tried. I wanted her feeling the love.

"Okay, thanks for that but old habits die hard It will take me a long time and a lot of practice to change the way I kiss," I lied.

"Your turn," she said,

"Clenching," I said. "You said you had no idea it had a name."

"It's just an exercise I've always done. My gynecologist recommended it to keep everything shipshape in there. I've never thought of doing it when anyone was inside me. Usually I have these Smartballs as they are called, inserted."

"So why did you do it to me?"

I wanted her to say what she had said at the time. About wanting to keep me inside her forever.

"Edward, it's easy to get confused during sex. I was overwhelmed with what you were doing to my body and I got kind of carried away and wanted to keep you inside me. Surely you have occasionally forgotten sex is just sex and imagined you had feelings for someone you were being intimate with? I can usually stay detached but nobody has ever touched me with so much tenderness and care. You are an amazing lover. There, I said it."

"Tell me about Riley," I asked. I needed to know why she had loved him.

She picked up the top hem of the sheet and started playing with it.

"What about him? We were together for a while and he moved on."

"I got the impression you were expecting him to marry you."

"Yeah. I was wrong. Obviously he and I were on two different pages. It doesn't matter, it's water under the bridge now."

"But he was your partner in the Murder Squad and you always say it never works to make plans for forever in this job. "

"I was stupid. I knew most of the guys were divorced, and the few that were new and had hope, soon got tossed back to Earth. We got to watch the early heady, blissful stage of new love, then the wedding, then the honeymoon was over as soon as they came back to work. At first they call her twice a day, then just the once, then suddenly there's no time, and they forget. The rot begins. Long shifts, separations from the new bride; the first time he misses her birthday or anniversary if it lasts that long. That's reality.

I saw all this and yet I still thought Riley and I would be different. I guess we will never know."

"Did you love him?"

"I loved the idea of being in love. I was definitely getting there. But it never works and maybe love is nothing more than an overload of chemicals in your brain, like the scientists claim. They say you can get the same buzz from chocolate, and chocolate is much safer.

That's where I get my emotional buzz from these days."

"Do you think that will ever change?"

"What do you mean? Are you asking me if I think there really is my One out there somewhere? He will have to have a ton of patience and understanding about this job, and not get jealous when you and I are away for weeks on end. Do you think there's a man who could cope with that?"

"Maybe. I mean, I think you were right choosing Riley in one respect. He was in the job. He knew what it involved."

"I just had a thought. This is probably not such a smart idea."

"What isn't?" I panicked.

"Sleeping with you. Think about it. Pretend it was Mike I married, and I had to convince him there was nothing between us. I didn't even manage to do that when it was the truth. Now I may have to convince someone you and I are nothing but work partners and we know we have done this, so it's a lie."

"Are you planning on marrying anyone soon?" I questioned." I thought marriage was something you didn't want any more."

"Good point," Bella replied. "I guess it's a bit too late to take this back and pretend it never happened. We may as well be hung as sheep, not lambs. Fuck, why did I say hung? God, that was horrible. I can't get my head around a woman doing that to another woman. We know men do terrible things to women, but I always thought the fairer sex killed more gently. I guess the world has changed. Women are getting to act like men.

There was a time when a girl would never have agreed to a setup like this, for example. Sex for fun. Sex to keep us focused and not letting frustration interfere with work."

"Is that all this is?" I asked, keeping my voice as steady as I could manage.

Bella looked at my eyes.

"What else could it be, Edward? You and I are two damaged individuals. My wounds are obvious. I don't yet know the real reason you settle for meaningless sex. I always assumed normal guys outgrew that stage. It seems to be more a thing that would appeal to a teen or a twenty something but you hit the big three oh last year. If you wanted a loving relationship, you would not have accepted a place on this squad. Or stayed for three years. You should be looking out for that girl that will make your parents happy."

"Let me back inside you and make me happy yourself," I suggested.

"I want you to try something else first. Can I speak plainly?" she asked.

"Go for it," I replied. My dick was aching. We needed to either stop talking, or talk while we were making love.

Making sex.

"Well, we both know you have been around a lot. I am no virgin, but when I was...Shit, this is probably not the best way to bring this up. Let's just say I used to like a boyfriend I once had, going down on me , before we progressed to actual sex. I know it's not any guys favourite sport but I'd like to know how good you are at that particular activity. I really used to enjoy it, maybe more than fucking. I missed it once we moved on. He just never wanted to try it again once he was getting a home run.

I already know you fuck really amazingly well, but if you were as good with your tongue down there as you are with the whole kissing thing... Let's just say, if you can get me off with your tongue, this arrangement might last a rather long time."

Fuck. I'd never had any complaints but then, women usually got so turned on when I did it, they wanted me to stop licking and fuck them, so I had never actually had to get one off that way. I had never done it to a random, of course, but once upon a time I had girlfriends and had been in loyal relationships.

Most had lasted between six and twelve months. Never long enough to take to the next level.

It made no sense that I already felt like I'd been with Bella for a more meaningful length of time already.

Fuck me.

She was making it plain she wanted me and needed me but in this case, two out of three was bad, because it was her emotions I wanted to touch the most, and so far it wasn't happening..

But I could taste her.

I slid down and kissed her mound and hoped I could do what she wanted me to, satisfactorily.

She tasted sweet, a little like wine.

My tongue had soon explored every nook and cranny and found where she wanted me most.

A girlfriend once told me to treat her clit like a tiny penis and suck it how I liked her sucking mine, so I followed her advice and the few girlfriends that followed were amazed that I knew exactly what they liked and didn't just get down there and lick randomly, wasting both our time.

Bella jerked as I latched on, and her moaning seemed to indicate she liked what was happening and to my relief, I took her over the edge.

I released her and kept my lips against her nerve center, enjoying the feeling as she pulsed onto them. Oh yeah, Edward had done good.

Bella's face was flushed when I got back up to it, and I kissed her lips and hoped she was in the mood to reward me.

"Do anything you like. That was amazing. Tell me what you want me to do, because at the moment I'm laying here considering marrying you," she sighed.

Her words hurt, because they were spoken in jest, but I will find a way to make her mean them the next time she says anything like that.

I made love to her slowly and gently and caressed her breasts and kissed her throat and pretended she loved me as much as I loved her.

Afterwards, I held her against my chest and felt our hearts beat us one and swore silently to make her mine forever.

X~x~X~x~X

BPOV

Confusion reigned.

I'd warned Edward about the kissing thing but now he was making love like we were on our honeymoon and he wanted to convey how much he loved me.

No surprise he left girls misunderstanding his intentions left and right. He was just so tender and gentle, and let's face it, most guys are rough and desperate beforehand and pretty much asleep straight after.

My body sparkled and buzzed in the afterglow and I felt his fingertips stroking down my sides, igniting something different.

I decided to show him rather than tell him how it made one's body feel to be touched like this after sex.

I ran my own fingers up and down his spine, across his back, and traced my fingertips across his shoulders and down his arms. He shivered and snuggled in closer.

It felt like we were bonding but it didn't perturb me.

If this was going to be what we did for the foreseeable future, then it was good to feel cherished and not like a piece of meat.

I love him, as a person, as a friend and I could see I would have to step very carefully or I'd want more out of this than he did. But it was his fault.

All this skin contact. It was making him feel like he belonged to me. Maybe he could, for a while.

"Edward, just so we are clear...are we monogamous?" I asked. I hoped so. Although this was just an arrangement, I didn't want to share him. If I knew he was making some other girl feel the same way as he was making me feel...wait. Was I jealous?

No, surely not. I have never been jealous in my life so this new feeling was strange. I must just be getting territorial. He was mine on loan and I wanted him all to myself for as long as that lasted.

"I am," he replied, tracing circles on my stomach as he rolled off me and supported himself on one elbow. "I don't want to be with anyone else."

"Okay. Me too," I replied. "When you want out, please tell me. I'm a big girl, I can handle it."

I hope.

"I can't see that happening for a very long time," he stated.

Something stirred inside me and I fought to hide my reaction.

"We should go see Marcus and get it over with," I suggested.

"Then we are going straight to the airport. Mom and Dad are expecting us," he replied.

"Edward, we will have separate rooms there, right?" I asked. This was something private. I didn't need anyone getting the wrong end of the stick, including myself. I didn't think Edward would openly tell his parents we were sleeping in the same bed when this was just a temporary situation. His Mom would be sneaking into the bedroom in the night to slip her late Mom's engagement ring onto my finger as we slept.

It was something special; something they would want to be worn by his bride, not his fuckbuddy.

I knew they wanted Edward and I to become a proper couple and it would be cruel to get their hopes up then have to dash them again when he moved on.

We slept for much of the flight, and I woke up to find myself wrapped in his arms, and his lips kissing the top of my head. I bet the other passengers had us pinned as newlyweds.

Carlisle was waiting at the airport and he and Edward collected our luggage and we headed for the Mercedes.

To my surprise, Edward refused shotgun and sat in the back with me, though he kept his hands to himself and a gap between us.

"Son, just let me say this and get it out of the way. Esme has been talking to Jasper. You know your Mother could get blood from a stone. She knows you still don't have a girlfriend, and she's concerned about your hooking up habits. I had nothing to do with this. Okay?"

"Okay," Edward replied, frowning.

Esme rushed to greet us as we alighted from the car and after the general noisy Cullen welcome, I fought to make Emmett put me down and shook hands with some blonde girl who I assumed was his latest shiny toy.

Edward did not look pleased to see this girl, Tanya.

His Dad disappeared quick smart, and Esme had us all sit down in the sitting room, then suggested I help her in the kitchen.

"You too, Emmett," she said in a tone that made him obey and not argue.

Edward looked at me hopefully and I smiled and waved as we left him alone with this girl. I already doubted she was there for Emmett because her eyes had not left Edward.

"Bella, I'm sorry about this," Esme said. "Last time he called he said he was coming alone so I thought, knowing you two are evidently never going to give in and just fall in love with each other, then it is time to force Edward into changing his unsavoury habits and get him back into a relationship. It's not healthy or kind to be sleeping with girls he has no intention of ever having a future with."

"Can I just say, the girls know his intentions and his rules and they are free to say no if they don't want the same thing he does," I informed her. "The world has changed. This sort of thing is surprisingly common now."

"That does not make it right. Young people fall into bed so easily. We used to go out and get to know any man we thought could be special and kept lovemaking for the final test, when we were sure we wanted to be together for the foreseeable future at least. Nobody even wants forever now. But that's okay. I can live with my sons having relationships if there are feelings involved and they become like a mini marriage for a while, until both people involved move forward or walk away if it's clear nothing more can happen between them. But this...one night stand idea. Sex without emotions. How do they know if they even like the girl? Have girls just become something to use and toss aside?

I thought I raised my boys to be better than that. Clearly not.

Emmett here has already been with a couple of girls in this town and we've hardly unpacked our suitcases. I keep telling him, this is a chance to make a new reputation for himself. He could be a guy that girls want to date, not just sleep with but will he listen?"

Emmett shrugged and stretched his long legs out and put his feet up on the table as he rocked on the chair he was sitting on, balancing it on just it's back legs.

I thought he was being rather foolhardy, seeing his Mom seemed to be in the mood to kick the chair out from under him.

"Tanya is here to dazzle Edward into falling madly in love with her," Emmett interjected. "Mom wants grandbabies. She's given up on me and she would never suggest Jas get married in case he marries Skanky Whore-Girl Maria, , so Edward has to be the one to ' do the right thing' and get a ball and chain attached to his leg."

"So, who is Tanya?" I asked.

"She was Edward's very first girlfriend," Esme enthused.

"She was Edward's first everything," Emm added, raising his eyebrows and waggling them.

"She taught him how to.."

"Emmett! Enough," Esme warned. "Tanya is a very nice girl and a family friend. She and her sisters and my boys have played together all their lives and it just seems like she would be good for him."

She rose and filled the jug and turned it on and started the coffee machine.

"I'll just see who wants tea and who wants coffee."

After she left, Emm moved and sat down beside me.

"Tanya's a good time girl, all right. Mom doesn't know it, but she was my first as well."

"Gross, Emmett, that sounds almost incestuous," I growled.

"Oh come on. She was no virgin. She did such a good job teaching me how to fuck, I thought she should train my brothers as well. Edward didn't actually know she and I had..."

"Did he have feelings for her?" I asked. I don't know why I cared. Maybe I was jealous that he may have seen her as more than a fuckbuddy.

"It's complicated. He had been dating her a lot but I was 'dating' a girl just because she was awesome in bed myself. Mom liked us to date, so we appeared to. I assumed Edward was just following my lead.

It kept her happy and we got to do what we wanted to in the first place. We brought them home for Sunday dinner just often enough to keep up the charade. Then Jas stupidly let the cat out of the bag and our brother was really hurt and angry that he didn't know."

"Why would Jasper have done that?" I asked. These boys usually seemed to have one another's backs.

"He was drunk and horny and he asked Edward when he would be done with Tanya so it could be his turn. Edward had no idea what he meant so Jasper explained she had cashed my card first, before his, and now that she had been with Edward for a year, it must surely be his turn.

He was really hurt. I guess we had just assumed he was with her for the sex, but then we knew he really liked her. He didn't know her at all, of course. He liked what he thought she was, not what she really was. Edward confronted her and found out the truth.

Tanya was pissed. She stormed out and refused to oblige Jasper.

Edward didn't date anyone else for ages. Then he finally got over himself and started dating for a few years, but he didn't find anyone special. Next thing he's on Murder Squad and he's hooking up with randoms."

Oh fuck. Tanya was Edward's Riley in a way. Maybe not to the same degree but what a shock it must have been for him.

I know if Jake had been with my non-existent older sister first, then with me, I'd have had a very hard time ever trusting any guy again. First times are meant to be special.

Jacob and I had been too young to be doing what we were, and it hadn't lasted, but I could almost look back with quiet satisfaction that it had been okay. Two kids thinking they were in love, acting on it. He even wanted me to marry him. By the time we realized we were out of our depths and not ready for such a big commitment, I'd been about to leave for college anyway, so our break-up was expected, and one most people just put down to the fact we were too far apart to meet up much any more.

His father, Billy, had suggested we attend a bonfire party on the beach as a farewell to one another. I was going to the Big Smoke, Jake would stay behind and work in Billy's workshop.

Both of them could fix any car or bike you care to mention.

Jake had no need for college degrees, his life was already laid out before him.

He and I danced on the beach; got a little drunk, and kissed like there was no tomorrow. My head became clouded and I started wondering about the wisdom of going away and turning my back on the future he had offered me.

Did I need a degree myself to ultimately have the life I wanted?

I could get a job right here. We'd manage.

Just as I opened my mouth to ask Jake his honest opinion, a girl I vaguely knew approached, and we all sat down. She refused the plastic cup of beer he offered her. I took mine and sipped it as she spoke to him.

"I'm pregnant, Jake. I can't risk drinking."

I'd sat there, confused as to why she was confiding in him, then he put his arm around her and assured her it would be okay and he would do the right thing and stand by her and his baby.

"Your baby?" I echoed.

Jake took my hand.

"Bells, I knew you would never stay here. This life is not what you want. You can't blame me for wanting someone else to be with once you were gone. I never intended this to happen but maybe it's for the best, after all. It draws our line in the sand. What we shared was wonderful but it's and I want such different things. But we can stay friends, right?"

Normally I think ex-lovers saying they can stay friends is like having your dog die but saying you can keep it's body.

But Jacob and I had been friends since we made mud pies together as babies.

What he said was true. We had always been a temporary couple with different life paths to walk.

That didn't mean I wasn't hurt to my core finding out he had been sleeping with Leah.

I think girls who have no brothers to grow up with base a lot of their early impressions of what boys are really like on their first boyfriends.

Jake had always seemed so sincere and trustworthy. I had never doubted we were exclusive for a single minute.

We'd never agreed to be, out loud, but to me, the understanding had been implied.

I'd given him my virginity and taken his. I thought that created a bond far deeper than it had in reality.

The experience taught me to never trust anyone.

But then, my own Mother had left me. I was the easy to abandon type.

Alice had listened and tried to convince me Jake was an exception, and most guys did not cheat and did not move on before the actual break-up so that became the thing I always needed in my next relationships.

To get the clean break before either of us moved on.

Naturally that led to me anticipating the point where my current boyfriend was getting restless and dumping him first. I matured in time and wiped the pre conceived notions about men from my mind when I finally met one I could trust.

Riley Biers.

He never cheated on me. He just left.

Yes, apparently Bella Swan needs two kicks in the teeth before she learns her lesson.

I wasn't the type to hold a grudge and Jacob and I worked through things.

It wasn't like we'd planned to get married by the time he started things with Leah.

I'd come home in breaks, and Jake and I had been friends again, but never anything more.

In a way, he had become almost like a brother, not that I ever said that because it would sound creepy. He became like a brother after our affair.

Nowadays it was like our relationship had just been an early teenage crush, taken too far.

But none of this helped me now.

Edward and I were not a bona fide couple.

I didn't know what I should do.

Did Edward want me to stay here in the house and play gooseberry? Or had time healed all wounds? Maybe he would like to see if she could be his One and I'd be in the way.

"Bella, I hope you don't mind but I called Charlie. He's still out on the lake fishing, of course, but he has sent a friend of yours to get you and take you back to your Dad's house. I don't mean to be rude, and had I known Edward was bringing you with him from the start, I never would have invited Tanya. But he said he was coming alone and would be here last week and she has been waiting," Esme explained as she poured coffee into cups. "I just think you being here will confuse Tanya. She'll see how well you two get on and think there's something between you, which Edward has assured me a dozen times over the years that there just isn't.

Of course I'll be calling to invite you and your Dad here for dinner later this week."

"Thanks but there's no need. I have a lot of friends to catch up with," I assured her. "Welcome to Forks, by the way. I hope you all love it as much as I do."

"I do need to talk to you sometime about this friend of yours that Jasper seems to be enamoured with," she said with a curious smile.

"Alice is great. I think they like one another," I understated. "I'm sure if I'm right, he will bring her home to meet you soon. She grew up here, with her aunt. She's a local girl."

"Oh how nice. Maybe we will meet her aunt one day. What's her name?"

"Mary Brandon but she died. She's buried in the local cemetery," I answered. Carlisle walked in and collected the tea tray. "Come on, I think Edward would like some more company. He wasn't expecting to come here and find a girl from his past waiting for him. I'm not so sure he's happy about this, Esme."

"Of course he is. He was so happy when they were together and they only broke up because he went to NYU and she went to college in Alaska."

Emmett rolled his eyes.

I chose a chair opposite to where Edward was sitting on the sofa next to Tanya and searched for clues. He looked embarrassed and she looked smitten. I got the message. Tanya may have lost him back then but she had never forgotten him and wanted another chance.

We all make mistakes. She was tall and blonde and pretty, and completely smitten.

He had really liked her and had not broken up because he lost interest in her. At the very least he needed closure. He was a rare man who was willing to communicate with women, so he needed to find out if he had forgiven her. What she did happened before they fell in love. Who didn't have secrets they never wanted their boyfriend to find out about?

There was no way I was ever going with full disclosure if I ever met my One.

We all had pasts and I wouldn't want details of his either, unless it intruded on our relationship; like if he had children to someone already.

Actually, a guy with kids would suit me because I was never having any of my own.

I put my teacup down and wished Jacob would hurry up. It felt awkward.

Rule number one of fuckbuddies is, back off if your friend wants to explore the possibility he could have a real relationship with someone else. He'd do the same for me, and he'd soon tell me if I was wrong and he didn't like her.

He is thirty years old, there's no way he's going to go along with this for his Mom, only for himself. We were not seventeen and he didn't have to do what Esme preferred. If he wanted a chance with Tanya, I could free him and walk away.

I chewed my lip and ignored the turmoil in my chest.

It was just the idea of missing out on all that awesome sex I told myself.

And his arms. I would miss being in his arms.

We drank our coffee and made polite small talk but I couldn't read Edward at all. He was avoiding eye contact with me. That can't be good.

**"Excuse me while I use the bathroom," I finally said, eager to leave the tension filled room for a minute.  
The downstairs powder room is a work of art and I sat there admiring the way everything Esme touched turned to gold. Look at my own apartment now. She had virtually done the decorating now I had all Edward's furniture.  
These distractions were not actually happening and I sighed.  
"We should have had sex on the plane. Who cares who would be watching. Dammit."  
The door eased open and Edward walked in, closing it behind him.  
"Edward, for Heaven's sake,it's never actually been one of my aims in life for you to watch me pee."  
"I don't mind, Baby."  
"Shut your eyes," I ordered gruffly and quickly dabbed around the area in question with paper and stood up, reaching for my panties.  
"Hey, you don't need them," he said, at my side in an instant.  
His hand cupped me and I exhaled, debating whether to slap him or let him touch.  
Touching was good.  
His mouth descended onto my throat and I knew I had to halt this or it would be my first experience of sex in a bathroom.  
"Leave your bedroom window open tonight," he whispered.  
"I thought you might want to explore the possibility you and Tanya might recapture..."  
"Bella, taking back an old girlfriend is like going to a yard sale and buying back your own crap. Tanya and I have been there and it's done. I will explain one day but just know Esme is misguided in thinking I would ever want Tanya again after what she did."  
"But maybe you need closure," I suggested, rocking on his hand, feeling his long clever fingers do their thing.  
"Closure. What a load of crap. Closure is 'Goodbye, it's been fun, have a great life' and we did that years ago. She is my past, not my present or my future."  
"Edward," I warned and he got the message and covered my lips with his own and muffled my cries as he took me over the edge.  
I stood there, shaking in his arms, wondering how the heck I was settling for schoolyard sex relief and yet finding it the second best experience of my life so far. Oh, wait, third, of course. Third best. How could I forget Edward's tongue?  
Forgetting that experience just proved how little I deserved him.  
"Bella," a voice very like Emmett's called, as he knocked on the door. "Are you okay? Your friend is here."  
"I'm fine, very very fine," I answered, glaring at Edward, daring him to speak and give us away.  
He smirked and I kissed him quickly and left him inside the powder room as I returned to the others.**

I said my farewells and headed out. Carlisle walked with me.

"Bella, I'm sorry we aren't offering you a room. "

"It's fine. Esme has her matchmaking to do and I'm the spare wheel here. See you all soon."

Jacob had my suitcase already and was putting it into his truck. I ran out and threw my arms around his neck.

Despite his age, he seemed to grow a little taller every time I saw him.

"Six foot six," I guessed, as I always did on first seeing him after months apart.

He grabbed my waist and twirled me around and put me down.

"Six foot seven but who is counting, Bells?" he chuckled. "I'm taller than you, that's all that counts. Come on, we have the whole house to ourselves until the competition ends. You know you want to do this."

I clapped my hands.

"Yes. We get to paint that damned kitchen."

Mom had been the last person to paint it twenty six years ago and Dad refused to ever paint it over. It had looked like crap for decades.

And maybe next we could paint my nursery themed bedroom and make it into a guest room.

Jake grabbed my hand and we got into the truck and I turned and saw Edward standing at the window. I waved to him, and Jake headed for home.

X~x~X~x~X

Jake had tins of paint and brushes and rollers ready and waiting. He started on the kitchen and I headed upstairs to change. I was a little tired from the trip but Leah was there, already stripping Humpty Dumpty from my walls.

"Hey Bella. You look great. Let me guess, you met someone and this time it's for real."

"I wish," I laughed. "Nope, same old, same old."

She sighed and shook her head.

"Tell me it's not because of what we did to you. Honestly, I thought you and Jake had agreed you two were over. I never intended getting pregnant. That was just so badly timed."

"Leah, please, let it go. I've told you before, we had agreed to split up. There was no harm done and I got to be Godmother so it was win all around. You haven't brought Rachel and Rebecca to visit me today?"

"That pair around open paint tins? What do you think? Sam is playing Godfather and taking them out in his boat to watch Billy and Charlie reel in the winning catch. So, where is there going to be room for yet another fishing trophy?"

She laughed.

I guess it was funny. The damn things were everywhere. At the front and back doors to hold the doors open; on Charlie's desk to weigh down paper, crammed onto every shelf and into every cupboard in the house. There was even one propping up the window with the broken sash cord in the bathroom. His office at work had them dotted all over the place as well. I almost hoped he and Billy would lose. One day he'll die and leave me the world's largest collection of Fishing Trophies as my inheritance.

I'll donate them to the local library and let them worry about what to do with the suckers.

"So, what colours are we painting this guestroom?" she asked.

The last of the wallpaper was down and I wanted to hug her for that. I hate stripping it off walls, thus the reason it lasted all through my teenage years, just hidden behind posters of pop stars and movie idols.

I noticed those posters were neatly stacked in a pile on my bed.

"You can toss them away too. I don't really idolize Destiny's Child any more. Do they even exist now? Aw, Jurassic Park. I loved that movie. And Scooby Doo. Movies were so sweet and harmless back then. Nobody went to bed and had nightmares after watching Shaggy and Scooby catch the bad guys."

I went to pick them up and she growled.

"Hey, they are vintage. I'm selling them on ebay."

"Leah, I'm twenty five, I don't even think I'd qualify as vintage."

"Tell yourself that, Bells," she laughed. At twenty four herself, she could hardly talk.

"So, I hear spinsters that prefer kittens to men and babies like colours like mauve and moss green, shall we paint this room with that colour scheme in mind? One day you'll get too old to chase felons and you'll bring Fluffykins and Sheba and Tigger home to live here with your Dad."

"I don't own cats," I growled. "Oh, I do have a dog now. Guess what it's name is?"

Leah narrowed her eyes.

"I'm going to guess you name it after me so you can say 'That Leah is such a bitch' and nobody can argue."

"Wrong. He's a boy and he was named by his last owner. It's Jakey."

"So, when you want to kick out and punish Jake, you can kick the dog?" she laughed.

"I would never kick my dog. If I wanted to kick your husband, I would go for the real thing."

"Bella, I just worry about you. A girl your age should be looking for a nice man and thinking about settling down. I fear we damaged you."

"Leah, for heaven's sake, let it go. I've forgiven and forgotten already. I just don't feel the need to belong to anyone yet."

"It will happen," she stated. "One day you'll be wrapped in the arms of Mr Right Now and realize he is actually Mr Right."

That seemed vaguely familiar. Maybe an echo of a dream? Does Edward play piano or was I confusing him with Rick Blaine?

"Says you. Now, who is using the roller and who is painting the tricky bits? I bags the roller."

Even with this so-called OdourFree paint, the room ended up smelling a little like a chemistry lab,so we opened both the bay window and the smaller one in the far wall, and I opened the other windows out on the landing and in Charlie's bedroom. I was standing there debating if we should take further advantage of his absence and paint his bedroom as well when Jake called up the stairs that he was done and he and leah needed to go home and feed their twins.

Leah and I washed ourselves up and went down to have a coffee before they went.

x~X~x

EPOV

I paced around the small backyard and looked up at the only room upstairs with a light on. It's windows were wide open despite the chill in the air. A convenient tree reminded me of stories Bella had shared about her first romance, with a local boy.

He used to sneak inside her bedroom once her father was asleep via the branches of this tree.

If I ever have a daughter, she will not be having anything so convenient outside her window. Maybe I'd live in a skyscraper and keep her well out of harm's way.

I flexed my arms and grabbed on to the lowest branch and hauled myself upwards.

Her window sill was wide and painted an odd pale green but I suppose it harmonized with the lilac walls. I sat down on it and swung my legs inside and smiled as I saw Bella lying facedown on her bed, wearing nothing but a pair of lace boy leg panties.

She was deeply asleep, snoring quietly. I sat there watching her sleep. It was kind of fascinating.

"Edward," she murmured.

I grinned.

"I love you, my Edward," she sighed, rolling over, exposing her beautiful breasts to me. I should cover them up and keep them warm for her, I told myself, trying to control the sudden acceleration of my heartbeat at her words. She knew the truth in her sleep but it would take time for her to recognize and acknowledge that we were meant to be together forever when she was awake.

I am a patient man, if something is worth the wait, and she would be.

"I love you too, my Bella," I replied and she opened her eyes and looked at me.

Her expression changed to one of horror as she saw me.

"What?" I asked, confused.

For Heaven's sake, I'd been inside her, why was entering her bedroom such a terrible thing to do?

"Edward, tell me those jeans are not your two thousand dollar custom made Cavalli's," she said anxiously.

"They are. Nice of you to finally notice. They happen to be my favourites," I replied. See, I'm good for her. She knows a brand.

"Ooops," she sighed, dropping back face down into her pillow.

**A/N Oh yes, I did end on a fade to black. Bella's going to have to take off Edward's painty jeans now. Merry Christmas. Will continue this in 2013, off on vacation.**

**Thanks as always to my 20 reviewers. May you all get an Edward in your stockings. (Interpret that however you like.)**

**So, the longer the chapters, the more readers I get and the less reviews? So, do I go back to 3,000 word chapters?**


	6. Chapter 6

It's Murder

Chapter 6

EPOV

"What?"

Bella was trying to smother her laughter into her pillow and I was lost. I had no idea what was so amusing. I removed my long sleeved Tshirt and dropped it onto the chair sitting by her window and as she raised no objections, undid my jeans. I always fold them or hang them over a chair, so proceeded to do so and that was when I saw the paint stain.

"I'm so sorry," Bella managed to utter despite her mirth. "I'm sure I can find something to get the mark off them."

"It's fine," I assured her. "The way designers destroy their jeans in the name of design, nobody will even know the paint was not meant to be there but you and I will know, and we will remember this night every time we look at these jeans."

I lay down beside her and ran my fingers up her spine and she shivered.

I love a shivery Bella.

Reaching for her worn and washed out quilt, I pulled it over us; my arms around her, breathing her in. She lay there, gazing at the ceiling, probably planning to paint it next.

"It feels like you want to talk. I'm happy to listen," she stated quietly.

"I guess I should explain," I said. I finally felt ready to tell her the story of my first time, and the scar it left on my heart.

It wasn't as if Tanya and I were really in love, but when you lose your virginity to a girl you have known all your life, and that you think of as a close friend, you are vulnerable. I thought I was in love and so my heart had ached when I found out it had all been a farce from the start. Tanya had insisted it may have started as a favour to Emmett and a way to bag all three Cullen brothers, but apparently things had changed once she realized I was not going to treat her like Emmett had. To him she had been a convenient girl to use and learn from, but to me, she was my first real grown up girlfriend.

Mom had been thrilled, and had encouraged my feelings for Tanya, saying first love was a beautiful thing to watch bloom. She fussed about' buying me trendy clothes; giving me free reign on how often I phoned Tanya when we were apart, and she was always suggesting ways for me to strengthen my bond.

Thanks to Mom's enthusiasm, Tanya received flowers every week; and little gifts in the mail that my Mother had spotted and pointed out to me.

"Girls love little trinkets that show her you are thinking about her," she explained so I went along with it.

We were together in breaks in the final year of High School; she came and stayed with us or I flew to her family home, and I was thinking of attending college in Alaska just so we could be together. Just after graduation, Jasper dropped his bomb and suddenly I just needed to get away from everyone.

Mom was confused but settled for the explanation Dad offered; that Tanya and I were too young to be deciding anything permanent yet, and that some distance was a good idea.

"If it's love, Esme, it will last the test of distance. If it's not, well, they will always have their memories to look back on."

I already knew it was nothing like love.

For a whole year I had been faithful, never even considered cheating, and all the time she had not only been around the block a few times, but also taken Emmett's virginity as well. Before mine.

I thought it was all some sick, elaborate joke until I saw the confirmation of Jasper's words in both Emmett's and Tanya's eyes. He'd looked like it was no big deal, and she'd looked annoyed and, yes, sorry, but it was too late. Everything was spoiled.

All the feelings I'd imagined we shared were built on nothing but a lie, and I was cut to the quick. Of course I tried to hide it, and pretend I hadn't cared about Tanya anyway, but they all knew and I felt like such an idiot.

It was a relief to escape to NYU. Emmett was already attending CUNY, so was in the same city but not on the same campus, thank God. He didn't witness my fall from grace as I started using girls to get revenge on Tanya. Of course it was stupid and pointless and she didn't even know, so I finally came to my senses and stopped screwing around.

Dating was better but none of the girls had much effect on me and I still harboured a lot of anger for Tanya because I feared maybe she was my One and she had fucked that up all too well. There was never any going back. We were done and the endless stream of phone calls and voice messages that went on for a year afterwards were just an annoyance. I never read or listened to what messages she left, and in time they stopped.

I came out of the experience both weaker and stronger. I would never allow any girl to fool me again and casual sex was on tap on campus, so it was all too easy to start hooking up and walking away. It's amazing how easy it is to lower your standards and accept hooking up instead of a real relationship. Your sexual needs are met and there is no danger of being hurt.

I could understand Bella all too well.

I'd been there, done that.

But you have to keep trying or you will never have the life you want.

When dating proved futile and the place on the Murder Squad came available, there it was. MY ideal job with a built in excuse to go back to playing fast and loose. If not for Bella I guess it would have become the permanent solution, because by then I didn't even consider maybe looking for something more. Someone more.

I was happy enough hooking up.

I was happy having a best friend who was a woman.

In time we became rather like a married couple and we fulfilled one another's every need but one. And now we were doing that together as well.

Bella listened, and when I finished talking, she placed her hands on either side of my face and kissed me in such a gentle and understanding way, I knew she was thinking we had even more in common now.

First lovers who had let us down and not been what we had thought.

She'd been brave. She'd let Riley in, and look how that ended. If he and Jake ruined my chances, I'd been really annoyed, because I did not want to be judged by their behaviour.

And it would crush me to lose Bella now.

"Hey, would you feel better if we 'made sex' together and commiserated about our joint bad taste and lack of good judgement," she offered, wrapping her arms around my torso and kissing my chest.

"I just want to sleep here beside you and hold you for a while," I replied.

I know, crazy. I was turning down comfort sex in exchange for just comfort, but somehow it felt right. I didn't want to associate making love to Bella as a pity fuck or a bandaid solution.

I wanted us to make love because it was about us, and what we wanted.

No ghosts in the bed beside us.

In the early hours before dawn, I awoke to find Bella talking away in her sleep and to my surprise, it was turning into a sex dream, and I was the star. Just listening to her pleading for my body was a huge turn on that I could not ignore, so I inched closer.

I was laying behind her at the time, spooning her back and I knew penetration from this angle would be too tight, while she was still getting used to my size. Guys think a big dick is the be all and end all and will get you endless bedmates, but it has it's drawbacks as well.

The first girl I dated in Junior Year at High School had been lovely, kind and funny, and we were well matched but as things progressed and the inevitable night came when we wanted to go all the way, problems had arisen.

I was more than a virgin could handle and our attempts had ended in frustration and futility for me; pain and fear for her.

Nothing's changed; I have never taken a virgin. It's just not something that is physically possible, so every girl I've slept with has had others to compare me to and I hated that for a long time.

I really believed Tanya when she told me she was a virgin, even though she had no problem accommodating my size. That should have been the clue.

It had been so impossible with the girls before her, yet I slid inside her without her so much as needing me to take it slow and let her adjust.

At the time, I thought it was a sign.

Perfect fit.

Then I knew better.

Anyone who could take Emmett's size was bound to be able to accommodate me without flinching.

Unlike me, he never cared about finding a virgin and making her his alone. He liked his women well broken in, and he liked an instant zero to a hundred sexlife. No gentle lovemaking; he just liked it full on from the first time with every girl he dated.

I can never be Bella's first, so I guess it will never bother me again about missing out on taking a virgin, but it will always be something I regret a little.

If we had been one another's firsts, I don't think there would have ever been anyone else for either of us. I wish I knew her back then, in High School. I would have liked to go to class with her, and carry her books, and drive her to and from school; all that cute stuff you do with your High School sweethearts.

"Edward," she sighed, pushing up against my pelvis, rubbing herself against me. I was instantly hard.

"Please," she begged.

Intercourse may not be an option in this position but outercourse was.

I slid between her folds and heard her sigh happily as she ground her backside against me as I thrust forward, against her nerve center. She closed her legs and kept me trapped between them, and that made it snug for me, too. We rocked together until I felt her begin to lose it, then I let go myself and released onto the sheet in front of her as she cried out as her orgasm hit. No condom, but we were safe. I wasn't inside her at any point and was not releasing close enough to her entrance to allow any stray sperm to enter her. I loved the feeling of our naked skin touching, rubbing together. I guess I could have stopped but Bella gripped my penis tightly until her aftershocks ended, then started again.

She was still asleep, amazingly.

As she started to become frantic again, I flipped her over so she was facing me, and grabbed a foil packet from her bedside table. I needed to be inside her, even if it meant allowing rubber between us.

"Bella, Baby," I chanted, nibbling her neck and biting her earlobe to wake her up.

"Edward?" she said in a sleepy voice.

"Can I make love to you properly now?" I whispered.

"Oh, it's not just a sex dream?" she replied, and her legs sprung apart.

My sweet and wonderful Bella.

I made it last as long as possible, thrusting with long, slow, deep strokes that Bella seemed to enjoy, going on the way she hummed and bucked back at me, just as slowly.

When she started coming undone, she clenched and I smiled as we came together.

"I love you," I confessed, risking frightening her off and taking us back to being friends without benefits. I couldn't help myself; I just felt like I'd burst if I didn't say it.

"I love you too, Edward," she replied, then she laughed.

"Good one, Cullen. You almost sounded sincere. And you caught me up in the moment."

"I did ,didn't I," I laughed. She wasn't there yet and I had to stop pushing her. I could topple this thing down like a house of cards if I didn't learn some restraint and patience.

Dispensing of the condom into the little bin beside her bed, I swore to myself to have better control of my tongue in future.

I held her tight and kissed the top of her head until she slipped back into slumber.

x~X~x

I knew I was dozing, neither awake nor asleep, but I was aware enough to feel the lack of warmth against me when Bella got out of her bed.

What a night.

She'd woken again and wanted more, so what could I do but oblige her, then I'd fallen asleep and dreamed about the sex we'd just had and somehow it had turned into the real thing again, and now I was exhausted but very satisfied.

"Breakfast is served, Edward," Bella yelled from downstairs, and I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair, grimacing at the knotty mess she had managed to turn it into.

I used her bathroom and washed my face in cold water before going downstairs. The place smelled of paint and bacon.

I was just wearing my boxers, but we were not expecting company.

Bella was wearing a little frilly, white apron with nothing on beneath it. Earlier I would have said I liked her best naked, but this garment just barely hid everything I wanted to see and touch, and I had to hold my breath when she turned her back on me and bent to pick up something that had fallen to the floor.

I was behind her in an instant, kissing her neck, reaching for her breasts underneath the while bib.

She tilted her head back onto my shoulder and offered me the entire expanse of her lily white throat, so I nipped and licked her skin and pinned her against the counter.

"When will we be able to do it from the back?" she whispered, grinding against me.

"In time, Baby. I just don't want to do anything that will hurt you. God, I wish I was smaller at times like these."

"Edward, you are just perfect, believe me. I will get used to you, I promise."

I turned her around and kissed her more roughly than I had intended but my erection was pulsing with desire and pain from being ignored.

I sat her on the benchtop and she opened her legs and started messing with my hair again as I slid inside her body.

_I have to slow down and be gentle. I can't risk hurting her,_ I reminded myself but my dick was not listening as it ploughed inside her, thrusting hard as my hands molded around her backside.

"God, yes," she whispered, wrapping her arms around my head, forcing my face into her now naked breasts. She angled a nipple towards my mouth and I took it inside and sucked like there was no tomorrow and she screamed as she came undone around me.

_Clench, for God's sake, clench now, _I begged silently but she was already tightening around me and I cried out her name as she milked my juices into her body.

I held her against me and we shook together as I lifted her from the countertop and kissed her lips roughly.

"God, that was amazing," she informed me, reaching down to grab my dick and rub it back to it's former hardness. "I liked it like that, raw and desperate," she whispered in my ear and her hand was superfluous. I backed her up against the wall and thrust inside, allowing myself to be as hard and rough as I wanted, and she moaned her approval.

I think it was as we came together again that we both realized there had been no condoms involved.

"Oh shit," I swore, as I withdrew, far too late.

"I do have an implant and we were both tested. It will be okay," she assured me.

We were both a little shell shocked at what we had allowed to happen.

X~x~X

"We need to talk about this," I said as we stood under the stream of water in her shower. "I know implants are pretty safe but things happen and it's a lot better to discuss that beforehand and know what we would do if we slipped up. We need to be on the same page. It's too important to not be clear about what we would do if anything happened."

"What would you want me to do?" Bella asked, her voice giving me no clue about what she wanted the answer to be. I decided honestly was best. I held her against me so her face was turned, resting on my chest and I could speak without having to watch her eyes and see her gut reaction, if it was bad.

"I would want you to have the baby and marry me," I replied. "In whichever order you preferred. We know one another so well by now, it's not like we just met. I believe you and I could make a real go at marriage, Bella. We are best friends and lovers and what else more is there left to be now? I love you and even if you won't admit it yet, I know you love me."

"Get married?" she said in surprise. "Edward, we are not anywhere near being ready for that yet."

I smiled against her hair, because she had not said it would never happen, or that it was not something she ever wanted. She just knew it was too soon, but one day, it will happen.

"I think we will make a fantastic couple. I can see us already, sitting in our rocking chairs on the porch with our grandkids sitting at our feet, eating your chocolate chip cookies."

I tensed and waited for her reply.

"By the time we have grandkids, someone will have announced chocolate is some deadly poison and nobody should ever eat it again. They'll be eating organically grown broccoli cookies," she laughed.

I shrugged happily.

"So, would you marry me even if I didn't knock you up first?" I asked.

Bella stepped back and gazed into my eyes.

"You know, I'm going to think about it. We do seem like a good fit, and I do trust you completely. I don't believe you would ever hurt me on purpose. I guess I'm surprised about the way this is going but maybe marriage is something worth considering, one day. Let's just wait and see how things progress but you can pencil me in as an interested party considering all options," she replied.

"Good to know," I said, pulling her back against my chest and holding her there as the shower water washed us clean.

BPOV

The smell of burning bacon reached us and I hurriedly wrapped a towel around my torso and ran downstairs. Luckily I'd turned the heat down to low, so little harm was done but the bacon was kind of black and past it's eatable state.

I rather preferred the smell to that lingering odour from the paint, anyway.

After tossing the burned meat outside for any desperate birds or creatures to scavenge, I started cleaning up the kitchen and paused at the benchtop we had defiled.

Common sense dictated that I sprayed that counter down with some hygienic disinfectant but I was a little regretful even as I did that.

I'd never look at this area here again without remembering.

No condoms.

I wasn't really concerned that Edward may have knocked me up; thousands of women depended on the implant alone and that's what it was designed for; for sex without condoms, but the way the conversation had gone afterwards was surprising.

I did agree; we needed to be on the same page but I was still shocked that he wanted to marry me someday. Here I was, madly suppressing my feelings; never daring to let hope take over, and all the time Edward loved me?

It could just be the fallout of the excellent sex we had been having but time would show us if that's all it was. Strangely, I wanted it to be more than that. Imagine being actually loved and treasured by Edward. He was exactly the kind of man girls dreamed about but doubted really existed.

His one flaw had been his preference for having random hook ups.

I guess I ruled him out because of that, and maybe all the time what he really craved was something more. Even if we didn't last the distance, I knew Esme would be very pleased with me for pulling him back into wanting something real as opposed to something quick and temporary.

I'd just finished when he came downstairs, fully clothed sadly, and he walked straight to my side and started kissing me.

His phone was beeping and buzzing as someone tried to call, and left texts or voice messages instead.

"Please be Marcus," he sighed, pulling the cell out and glancing at the screen.

"Tanya," I read, smirking.

"Oh I was supposed to take her to breakfast," he remembered. "Mom arranged it. I guess the local diner is as good a place as any to tell her I'm taken and she may as well go home and continue breaking in the local virginal boys."

"Edward, are you sure you are over her?" I checked. He sounded bitter.

"Believe me, I don't care if I never see Tanya again, in fact, I'd prefer that. I hate what she did to me, but I don't feel any need at all to discuss it with her now, years later. What she did fucked me up for a long time but it's over now. I know what I want, and who I want to be with and it has nothing to do with her or Esme. I'll come back later, but believe me, I'm only doing this to get rid of an annoyance. I want to enjoy myself while we are in Forks, and it won't happen if my Mom keeps tossing Tanya at me."

I watched him leave and went upstairs to strip my bed linen and wash it, in the hope my bed would be nice and fresh tonight, ready for another visit. I suppose this constant need to have sex will pass in time, it was just that we knew one another so well in every other way that this was taking priority right now.

God, he was good. Good gentle, good rough, good even outside, not penetrating yet still getting me off. But I always have liked sex from behind and we have to find a way to try that. I'd thought he would rip me apart when I sat on top yet it hadn't happened and things had adjusted and fitted together perfectly.

It would be the same with sex from the back. I just needed to convince Edward of that.

I was made to have babies and while he was large, babies were a lot larger.

I found a book and a blanket and went outside to catch some of this somewhat rare early morning sun.

X~x~X

EPOV

The house appeared to be empty so I ran upstairs to 'my room' that I had been assigned to change clothes.

The blinds were pulled down and with the windows being ninety per cent of the wall space, my bedroom was dark.

I didn't need light for this anyway. How many years have I been dressing myself? I know where everything goes. My shirt and paint adorned jeans hit the floor and I slid out of my boxers, feeling a sudden affection for them. They'd be my favourites, now.

I felt around in the drawers where Mom had evidently unpacked the clothes from my suitcase, and a light beside the bed flicked on, scary the life out of me.

"Tanya, what the fuck," I exclaimed as she sat up enough in my bed to show she was topless, which, with Tanya, undoubtedly meant she was completely naked.

Naturally Emmett chose that moment to come rushing upstairs, sounding like a stampeding buffalo. He paused at my door and looked at us both.

"So I see you are doing what Mom wants and getting back with Tanya," he stated.

"I'm not with her," I growled, rustling through the drawer and finally feeling the slippery fabric of clean boxers and grabbing them out. As I pulled them on, Emmett grinned and waved a hand around the room.

"So you are just fucking her? Seriously? You have to make her feel like a piece of meat to get over what she did to you?"

"I never treated Edward badly, " Tanya protested. "I know it was just meant to be an arrangement but it changed into something more. I loved him."

"You would not know what love is," I replied, pulling on my least favourite jeans and a Tshirt.

"I suppose you would? I know you have been fucking every girl who will let you. That hardly sounds like love," Tanya replied.

"Things have changed," I retorted. "I have a girlfriend now."

"Lucky you. Just be sure it's you she wants and doesn't use you as a replacement," Tanya stated roughly.

"What are you talking about?" I growled.

Tanya started to cry and I turned to Emmett.

"Remember Garrett? He was dating Kate then they broke up and he asked Tanya out a few times. She thought he wanted her but he was using her to make Kate jealous and it worked. Garrett and Kate ran off and eloped," my brother explained. "Tanya and I had a long talk last night, while you were missing."

"I wasn't missing, I was right where I belonged," I answered, pulling on a hoodie. "Emmett do me a favour. Take Tanya to breakfast at the diner and explain to her that the Cullen boys do not give second chances."

"Where are you going? Mom will ask," he said nervously. I swear he could fight a grizzly bear and win but our one hundred pound Mother had him under her thumb.

"Tell her I'm out on a date. With my girlfriend. Tanya will be packing her stuff and going home today so maybe you could drive her to the bus station or whatever. Nice seeing you, Tanya. I'll send you an invitation to the wedding but don't feel obligated to attend. I won't even notice if you turn up."

I felt completely free again as I sped back to the Swan house but it seemed the Great Forks Fishing Competition was over, and Charlie was hosing down his beloved boat as it rested on it's boat trailer in the driveway.

Bella was sitting on the front stoop, holding this year's gold trophy in her hand.

"I guess we could use it to hold the spare roll of toilet paper in the bathroom," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Hey Edward, good to see you," Charlie greeted me. "So, who do you think claimed First Place this year?"

"Unless that is a new toilet roll holder, I'm going to guess it was you," I answered, shaking the hand he offered me. "I thought there was another day to go."

"The judges seemed to want to be somewhere else and Billy and I had already doubled the closest catch, so I guess they gave up," he laughed, patting his boat as if it was a beloved pet.

"They need to add a handicap for the last year's winners," Bella suggested and earned a glare from her Dad.

"So, what are you kids up to? Do you have plans because there are a whole stack of fish needing to be gutted and got ready for the freezer."

Bella instantly jumped up and came to my side.

"Sorry, Dad. Marcus has us investigating a suspicious character at the Res so we will be out all day but we'll be back to cook your dinner, promise."

She ducked inside the house and returned with beach towels and a very small blue bikini, and a large picnic hamper.

"Have fun," Charlie called as we dumped the basket in the trunk and got into my car.

"Thanks, I really needed to get away before he went inside and saw the kitchen."

"What's wrong with the kitchen? Don't tell me we damaged the counter top."

"Edward, I said you were good, but you were not supernatural. There's no indentations left in the benches or anything. No, Jake and Leah and I painted a few things, remember?"

"My jeans will never forget," I replied.

"Well, I'm not one hundred percent sure Charlie will appreciate what we did. He is never going to let go of Renee while that damned kitchen is sitting there, painted the day before she left."

"It looks good, Bella. I think he will like it. If not, just know that I like your kitchen very, very much."

"Maybe you could explain to Dad why you like it and then he might like it as well," she joked.

"Or he may set a match to it and burn it down," I replied.

Bella sat back with her head against the headrest and closed her eyes.

"So, who is this suspicious character?" I asked her.

"It's the Res, Edward. I'm sure there will be plenty of suspicious looking men there. If not, there's always Jake. We can arrest him and beat a confession out of him."

"Sounds like fun. Maybe we could gather up every boyfriend you ever had and make a bonfire."

"Jake is the only boyfriend I ever had here in Forks. You will need to hold your bonfire back in the city."

"Would I need a permit for that?" I mused out loud.

"Well, if I gather up all your skanks and add them, we may create a real fire hazard," Bella stated.

"I'm sorry about ever hooking up in front of you. I guess it was some Alpha Male thing," I apologized. "I just wish you had let me take you out after the Riley thing fell apart."

"I did consider it but then you would have been my rebound guy and they never stick around for long. I wanted to save you for something better."

"I didn't ask you to sleep with me when we first got partnered for the same reason. I never saw this happening, but even back then, I knew if we ever got together, we would be something special and it was not the right time."

"I would not have slept with you anyway. I've always been monogamous," she replied.

"I knew that about you. I think I can spot a cheater at ten paces and you have never given off that vibe," I agreed.

"Edward, if we do become a real couple, I could not bear it if you ever cheated on me," she said , and I could hear the plea in her voice.

"Baby, I know what they did to you and I would never do that. I value you as a human being, not to mention the fact that I love you and would never treat someone I love badly. I know what it's like being on the receiving end, don't forget. If we do this, then it's real and we both have to be all in."

"Good plan," she agreed.

"So, what are we really doing here on the Res?" I asked as I parked the car in the parking lot that ran beside the beach.

"We are having a picnic, and maybe a swim, and I am sure we will do some making out on the blanket, but we are not having sex."

"Agreed," I replied. "We are spending way too much time making love. We have spent time together for years now without resorting to that and we can control ourselves now, and spend some time just being together."

"The way you said that," she commented. "We have spent years not making love...I guess that's why it kind of happens every time we kiss now."

"Sure. Maybe we are making up for lost time. Wasted time. We could have been doing this for years if either of us had pulled our heads out of our arses and smelt the coffee. It was always going to end up this way."

Bella took my hand as I carried the hamper and she threw the blanket and towels over her shoulder. We walked along the shore, and my eyes kept flicking back to the very brief blue bikini she was twirling around by the strings in her other hand. It looked like it was small enough to fit a young child.

Soon we came to a large wall of boulders and she led the way, showing me where to step and climb, and eventually the rocks opened to a small, secluded very private strip of beach, hidden from prying eyes. We may as well have been the only people on Earth.

She spread the blanket out and I put the basket under the shade of the rocks, and sat down beside her.

"So, what should we talk about?" she asked.

"How about you tell me how old you were when you got this bikini," I suggested. "It looks new but surely it was made for a kid."

"Actually it covers everything necessary," she replied. "I could show you."

"I would be interested in seeing that, just to be sure you are telling me the truth," I answered.

Bella stood up and slowly removed her denim shorts, then her little lace panties and dropped them beside me on the blanket.

Then she took off her hoodie and Tshirt, and surprise, no bra.

I liked watching her undress and now there she was, naked.

"I changed my mind. I think I prefer you without swimwear," I stated huskily.

Bella stood in front of me and ran her fingers through my hair, and I could smell her arousal calling to me.

"No touching," she cautioned.

"But I want to touch," I pleaded.

"Edward, this is a picnic and no sex is involved. We agreed."

"I agreed before I knew about the nakedness," I reminded her. "You must know what this is doing to me."

"Maybe you should be naked too, then we would be even," she suggested. I think my clothes evaporated. One minute there I was, dressed, and the next...naked as the day I was born.

Bella pushed me onto my back and I lay with my eyes almost closed while I watched and waited for her to give in and climb on top of me, but instead, she knelt between my thighs and I held my breath. I should say no but there was no way that would happen.

It never ended well when girls tried to do oral on me.

Her hand surrounded my shaft and she hesitantly opened her mouth as she took it inside her warm wetness. I watched her battle to fit even a third inside as her hand worked the lower portion. Yet another reason I would tick the 'average' box next time around. No woman, even Tanya, had coped with me in their mouths for long enough for my orgasm to happen.

It was always just a short appetizer before the main meal. I had always fantasized about finding a woman who had the ability to last the distance and suck me off.

Still, it did feel awesome and I would take whatever she offered as a means to finish me off.

"Hmmm," she hummed, sending shocks right through my body.

Fuck me, she was good.

I refused to ponder why. It always came down to how much experience a girl had, whether or not she was instantly good. And Bella was instantly awesome.

I let myself moan out loud as her tongue swirled and flicked at the tender head, and her hand was keeping the rest happy.

Then she surprised me by taking more in and suddenly I was in deeper than I had ever been before.

I felt incredibly excited, of course, as I felt myself hitting down her throat and my orgasm was building up. God, one more minute...

She clenched. I swear she clenched with her throat but that is impossible so it was merely her mouth or her tongue or a combination of the two and I was pouring down her throat and she swallowed!

"Fuck me Bella," I screamed. I could feel her all around me as I lost my load and hoped to God she didn't drown or choke to death.

I shut my eyes and let myself just feel this new sensation. Always she found some way to give me more firsts, when I was so sure I'd done everything already.

Finally, it was done and she calmly released my dick and licked her lips.

"Alice always said my lack of a gag reflex would come in handy. I guess she was right."

"You have no gag reflex?" I sighed. Wait until Emmett and Jasper heard this. A clencher with no gag reflex. If Charlie had owned a pub, I would be convinced she could not possibly exist on this Earth but luckily he was just a small town cop, so it was possible she was real.

"Was it okay? I've never done it long enough before so the guy could...explode. "

"It was too amazing for words. I've never come inside anyone's throat before," I replied. It may not seem like a big deal when I'd always managed to find any amount of girls to fuck, but this was so much more than I ever imagined.

She looked quite smug and pleased with herself, as she should be. The woman was a Sex Goddess.

"It's always the quiet ones," I joked, pulling her down to lay with me. "Truly, you are constantly surprising me. I always underestimate you, Bella. Who'd look at this beautiful, tiny woman and see what a dynamo she is in bed. Or out of bed, on a blanket at the beach."

"Do you want to go for a swim?" she said.

"If you want to. I could be perfectly happy laying here giving you pleasure all day long."

"What kind of pleasure?" she asked,with a twinkle in her beautiful deep brown eyes.

"Whatever type you want," I answered.

"You know what I want you to try," she replied.

"I've been thinking about that. Esme has this thing about hot tubs and she's getting one delivered and installed in the Summerhouse today. I'm thinking once they all try it out, and get over the thrill of having a new toy, you and I could try relaxing in the hot water for a while, and maybe it will make things easier."

"You will try?" she said happily.

"Bella, I want to do everything you ever wanted, I just don't want to hurt you."

"Can I go on top now then?" she asked.

"Of course," I agreed and she handed me the lube from the picnic basket.

I liked this bit, maybe too much. I loved coating her inside so things would slide in easier and I always wanted to see my fingers make her excited.

She cooed and rocked against me then stood above me, one leg on either side of my torso, giving me an excellent view. She stepped away down to my pelvis and suddenly turned to face away from me before lowering her body onto mine.

Reverse cowgirl.

I sat very still and let her control the depth of my penetration but she was indeed getting used to me, and she barely paused until I was deep inside her. Then she put her palms on my knees and started riding me, doing the humming thing she did. I placed my hands on her hips and guided her up and down gently , slowly, until she got impatient and took over, increasing the pace.

"Oh God yes, Edward," was all the warning she gave me, and she started pulsing around me and I waited for the clench. God, yes. I cried out as I filled her and she leaned back put her hands either side of my body and sat the aftershocks out.

"See," she said when she stepped off and lay beside me again. "That was tight but I managed it."

"Bella, I am beginning to think you can do anything," I confessed. "Please never feel like you are inadequate. It's my problem. I am too overly blessed and it's not the advantage people assume.

Before I was with Tanya, I had three girlfriends in a row that I really wanted to have sex with, and not one of them could handle it. As much as I hate what she had done with Emmett, and her lying about her virginity, I still have to acknowledge I would probably still be a virgin, too scared to keep trying, if it hadn't been for her. I hurt one of those girls, Bella, because she insisted we keep trying when it was obvious things could not fit. I was terrified her parents would find out and have me charged with something."

"But she encouraged you to continue. It was hardly an assault," she protested.

"Whatever. I was too large and she was too tight and she got hurt. Carlisle had to treat her so her parents would not be informed. She was bruised and bloody and it would have looked like she had been raped had she gone to the hospital ER. I never touched another girl until Tanya came along and assured me she could handle it. Even so, I didn't believe it until she got me half drunk one night and proved she was right. How I ever believed she was a virgin is one of the great mysteries of life. She clearly knew what she was doing."

"She was still quite brave, taking you on," Bella replied."I'm sure there are plenty of non virgins who could not accommodate your size. I had doubts myself."

"Nah, she could take on Emmett, it turned out and he is even larger. It was him that made me think I was just average."

"Good Lord, thank you for not letting me fall for the wrong brother," Bella said sincerely. "If he's even bigger, I don't even want to hear about it."

X~x~X

The seawater was freezing but we were both naked, so it was fun. Bella liked touching as much as she liked being touched and I didn't have to explain about the shrinkage factor cold water could bring about, because she never let go of my dick and let it shrivel.

I kept her breasts as warm as I could, and licked the salt from her nipples, so we were even.

Finally she agreed we could get out,and we lay wrapped together in towels with body heat building up inside as she snuggled against me.

"This reminds me of being in the tent," I said, playing with her breasts as I had that night.

"I really wanted to make love to you. I hardly slept."

"You almost succeeded," she confessed. "Had that hand gone too much further down, I'd have surrendered. Edward, we have to find a way to make this workout factoring in the work place thing. We cannot show affection at work or Marcus will figure it out and assign us new partners, or even transfer one of us out. I don't want to work with anyone new. It's taken me over three years to break you in."

"You could have tried using a whip," I replied, reaching a hand down lower and cradling her mound. She was slightly prickly, so today was her not shaving day. I knew already she did it every second morning. In time, I hoped she would allow me to shave her.

She opened her legs and I resorted to bringing her over with just fingering while my erection massaged her from the back and got her excited as well.

I lubed myself up and let just my tip enter her from behind and she finally got it and realized why I could not enter her fully this way.

I heard her catch her breath and immediately pulled out and let my fingers do the work, and she was so vocal I got off just listening to her moans and cries. I pumped against her back and she sighed.

"One day soon, Bella. Just be patient and it will be worth the wait."

"I do know that," she replied, twisting in my arms to turn and face me.

She started the kissing and I finished it an hour later and by then we were both hot and sticky and had broken our promise to not have sex two more times.

"It's still quality time," I defended, as she shook her head at our inability to keep our hands off one another.

"I find it so hard to believe the day will come when you will be begging me for sex and I'll be refusing, saying I would rather sleep," she stated. "It seems impossible but everyone who stays together says it ends up becoming a chore, when you have a baby and it cries all night. I don't want that to happen to us. I never want to have kids, Edward. You have to accept that if you truly want to be with me. I don't think I will ever change my mind. I should never have said that thing about our grandbabies eating broccoli cookies."

"But if you got pregnant, you would go ahead and have the baby?" I questioned. She had said she would.

"I guess so, but it's not what I want. I don't know how to be a Mother, unless you just give birth and bolt. That's all I know of motherhood. Dump the kid and go have the life you want to have. Just buy it gifts and do it's ironing when she visits you,and feed her too much food so you can kid yourself you are still a decent parent, when you are not."

"That's just Renee. You are not her. I know you would be different."

"Stop it," she replied. "You don't know that and I don't know that and I just said I never want to be put to the test. It's not the kind of test you can retake if you fail. I don't want to have children, so accept it now or let's move on and not get more involved than we are now."

"I already love you more than my life. If kids are your hard limit, then so be it. I would probably make a rubbish father anyway."

"I think you might make a great Dad but I will be robbing you of the chance to find out."

"Bella, **you** are my life now. Not some hypothetical child. Think of all the things you will be giving me. A wife who does amazing things to me. A woman I will love until the day I die. I never expected to have those things so you are giving me everything. It's enough, Bella. You are enough. I'm sure Jasper and Alice will have more children. I'll be a terrific uncle instead."

"I don't even know how to be a good wife. I think struggling to work that out will be all I can cope with," she sighed.

No way was I letting one disappointment ruin everything. I do want Bella more than a life with some other woman who would give me children. She wouldn't be Bella, so she would never make me as happy as the girl in my arms. Maybe Bella will change her mind one day. Maybe not. I would still choose her above anyone else.

We swam again but quickly, and dressed hurriedly and I never got to see that blue bikini on her body that day.

But we had come so far forward, a little tiny thing like that barely mattered.


	7. Chapter 7

It's Murder

Chapter 7

EPOV

Mom had insisted Tanya stay for dinner and another night, but I wasn't bothered. I'd already promised to help Bella cook Charlie's dinner so she'd invited me to stay and eat with them.

"Sorry, Mom, but you invited her and if you had bothered asking me first if I wanted Tanya here, then I would not be being rude and ignoring her. I believe the person who invited her is the one obliged to amuse and entertain her. I'll wave her off at the bus station tomorrow if you insist but that's as much as I'm willing to do.

Oh, and if Charlie's agreeable, I'll be sleeping over here tonight, so see you tomorrow."

"Edward? Why would you sleep at the Swan house when we are five minutes away?" she questioned.

I waited and let her figure it out. It didn't take long.

"Oh Edward, does this mean you and Bella? Finally?"

"I hope so. It's certainly looking like maybe you and Dad were right all along," I conceded.

"I'm so happy. Please let everything work out like we want," Mom begged the Universe. "Listen, don't worry about seeing Tanya off, your brother can do that. Now you bring Bella here for dinner tomorrow night. There's things she needs to know before she becomes a Cullen."

"Mom, really? I am trying to ease Bella into this gradually. She's already thinking about whether she thinks we could make it as a married couple. I think she has enough to cope with for now. I don't want you scaring her away."

"You will need your grandmother's ring," she continued, ignoring me.

I fake slammed my phone against the wall.

"Mom, listen to me. Bella is really special to me. She's so important, you know that. I've never been in love before. I want this to work so you need to reign it in and back off. Go tell Jasper he has to come home and introduce you to Alice. She has a baby, you know. You could knit things for it, or something. Make it booties."

It worked, Esme was distracted and wanted to end our call so she could call my brother and order him home.

Bella was in the kitchen and I walked in and kissed her neck.

"Bella, just so it's clear to everyone, will you be my girlfriend please?"

"I will," she replied with a smile. "I like the sound of that. My boyfriend. It's been a long time since I had a boyfriend. I never considered Mike and the others anything more than sex providers."

"We can carve our initials in a heart on a tree," I suggested.

"I think that's probably illegal. It would be defacing a plant or something."

"Then we shall get matching tattoo's," I swore. "Right here."

I traced my finger on her heart and my bad finger wandered to one side and teased her nipple.

It pebbled instantly and Bella smirked and backed up towards _our _countertop.

"Bella," I hissed and she laughed. One of us had to remain in control or Charlie would see a lot more of both of us than he ever wanted to.

She opened the fridge then handed me two cans of Vitamin R and nodded towards the sitting room. I took the hint. She would rather I spend time with her Dad than help her cook.

"Beer, Charlie?" I offered, handing one over to him.

Charlie accepted and opened his immediately.

"Best catch ever, Edward. I had to go give your parents a housewarming present of an Esky full of fish fillets for their freezer. Mine is full to bursting."

"I'm sure they appreciated that. Dad's not a great fisherman," I admitted.

"That Mother of yours is an extremely attractive woman," Charlie commented. I was surprised as he had never mentioned noticing any other woman apart from his ex wife before.

"There are a lot of very nice women in the world," I replied. "I know Dad got lucky when he met Esme. She is the perfect wife and mother."

"Hmm," he replied, looking at the wedding photo of himself and Renee that hung on the wall.

"Renee wasn't. Not a good wife, not a good mother. I just hope she didn't scar our daughter too much by leaving. Bella's a very nice woman, Edward."

"I have noticed that. In fact, Bella and I are dating," I informed him.

Charlie sucked down half the beer before answering.

"I would say it's about time but I imagine you both had your reasons for waiting this long before taking the plunge. Be patient with her, won't you? She's never had a Mom to learn from, so being someone's girlfriend is always hard for her. She doesn't trust easily so if she trusts you, Edward, then you have my full approval."

"Thank you, Sir. I will never let her down or hurt her, I promise."

"She never imagined Jacob or Riley would hurt her either so you are her third strike. If you let her down, know it's not just you she is losing, it's her faith in mankind completely."

"No pressure then," I replied. "Charlie, I don't know if Jake or Riley really loved her but I will always put Bella first and try to give her everything she needs. I do love her, Charlie. I've been around long enough to know the difference between love and lust, though to be honest, I feel both of those feelings for her."

"You are not about to ask for my permission to sleep with her, are you?" he said worriedly.

"In a manner of speaking. I slept over last night and I'd like to continue to do so while we stay in Forks this week. Would that be okay? Obviously Bella has to agree as well but it is your house."

"If my daughter wants you to sleep in her bed, then I'm not going to say a word," Charlie answered. "She's twenty five and a sensible girl. I can't imagine she would let anyone sleep with her unless she loved them."

Naturally I was not going to disillusion him.

Anyway, it was different now. Bella and I were in love. This was an honourable relationship.

I did intend marrying her if it ever became possible to persuade her.

"Edward, I don't think Bella ever intends on having any children. If that will come between you two in the future, it might be kinder to walk away now," he said quietly.

"I understand. I would choose to have a child if it were up to just me, but if Bella never changes her mind, I can live with that because it's always going to be her that I want and love. I will marry her, Charlie. Just as soon as she agrees."

"All right then," he said with a grin and raised his beer to me. "To Bella and Edward. May your love last as long as your parents has, and longer."

I drank to that and watched in surprise as Bella's father took the wedding photo from the wall and tucked it into a drawer.

It was a momentous occasion. That photo had been hanging there since before Bella's birth.

Charlie raised his beer again, and I tapped mine against it.

"To new beginnings, with the right woman," he toasted and we drained our drinks.

Bella seemed happy with the way Charlie was taking our news when we went out to the dining area to have dinner.

"Will you get engaged soon?" he said as his daughter brought over dessert and I cleared the table of the dinner plates.

"One step at a time. We just started dating. Anyway, I can't wear a ring to work or Marcus will transfer one of us out," she replied.

"But you could wear one at home," I pointed out.

"I don't believe you have even proposed to me, Edward."

"I asked you if you would marry me," I replied.

"You asked me if you knocked me up if I would marry you, and I said yes, then you asked me if I would marry you even if you didn't," she said. "That's not a proposal. It's a question."

"I'm waiting for the perfect moment," I stated , grinning at her.

"Good man. No need to rush into anything," Charlie said.

"When will this perfect moment arrive?" Bella questioned, looking worried.

"As soon as I know for sure you are ready to answer me with the reply I crave to hear you say. I know it's not the time as yet. I know you are not ready, Bella. That's okay. One day you will be and I'll still be here."

"Thank you," she said, and I knew I had gotten it right. Women are hard to read but it was if I was reading her mind. She did not want to be rushed. We'd progressed to a point I was happy with for now and I would not push her.

Marriage is but a legal ceremony and I would know when she was ready as she continued to change towards me. I was already her boyfriend and lover and that was massive.

We left Charlie in front of the flat screen watching a game, once we had cleaned up in the kitchen, and went upstairs.

Bella stripped naked and went to her shower and I followed her lead.

We managed to resist touching, but she was as weak as I was.

She dried herself and got into bed.

"I just like feeling your skin against mine," she admitted, stroking my chest as I lay beside her. "We can share a bed without having sex."

"Sure we can," I laughed, not willing to actually bet money on it.

"We could spoon like we did in that sleeping bag and you could just play with my boobs," she suggested, but she had forgotten she had admitted I'd nearly convinced her to sleep with me that night. Well, my hand almost had.

I slid it down her abdomen and she sighed.

"I should not have told you that, should I?" she whispered. "When you touch me there, I just want you so much."

"You definitely should not have told me that," I agreed, stopping just short of her mound and rubbing her stomach. My other hand played with a nipple and she started breathing heavily.

I brought my hand back up and worked two nipples at once, and felt her squirm against me, wanting more.

"Some women can apparently have an orgasm with just nipple stimulation, maybe we should see if you are one of them," I told her.

"Then you must not suck on them, because that would be cheating," she replied.

"Did my breastfeeding make you come that night?" I questioned, surprised.

"Maybe a little," she said and I was instantly hard.

Of course I sucked her nipples in turn, hard, and she did join the list of lucky women but it still left her desperate for more so we both benefitted after all.

X~x~X

"So, what's happening today?" I asked when Bella woke up in my arms the next morning.

"Today you and I are not having sex," she replied.

"Okay," I said, not worried. So far we had failed every time we made that announcement.

"No hands," she growled as she felt one of mine descend to her apex.

Bella held her legs together tightly and slapped at me. I slid one single finger in the tiny gap left between her thighs and she relaxed and shut her eyes.

"This is a sex dream and doesn't count," she muttered as I pushed inside her and felt her dampen. "No penis involvement. If there's no penis it's not real sex."

"Whatever," I agreed and moved down to taste her. Oh, it seemed the legs didn't try and stay together now. In fact, they could not be further apart.

I enjoyed the practice and was looking forward to Bella returning the favour and letting me in her mouth again but just as she reached her peak, her father knocked loudly on her door.

Bella could not have cared if the entire police department of Forks was there as she rocked against my tongue.

It was up to me to answer, it seemed.

"We'll be right there, Charlie," I called, then went back to lapping her sweet nectar.

"Why did he come home?" Bella growled. "He loves fishing. He should have stayed away."

"We had better get up," I said reluctantly.

"I owe you one, Edward. Tonight," she promised, and I had to be happy with that.

I would have settled for waiting and anticipating tonight's fun and games, but she seemed determined to give me a hand job so I went with it and let her bring about my release, and she watched in delight as I exploded against the tiles.

"I like watching you come," she said cheekily, drying her body with a bath towel.

"God Bella, say things like that and I'll be a walking hard on. You need to change the subject after I come or I'll be unable to walk let alone think straight."

"Right. No more sex talk. We are sex obsessed though, you do realize that? When do you think we will calm down and become normal?"

"Never, I hope," I replied, turning off the hot water and standing there under the cold, getting my body back under control.

X~x~X

Charlie had apparently made breakfast and was sitting at the table waiting for us. I was the one who almost blushed as we raced downstairs and Charlie avoided eye contact. God, he had probably heard way too much last night.

"You made eggs?" Bella said, looking at the scrambled eggs in the dish on the table suspiciously.

"It's okay, they won't give you food poisoning. Sue made them."

Bella looked at him in shock and I went into the kitchen and introduced myself to the other person who had slept over here last night.

"Hi, I'm Bella's boyfriend, Edward Cullen."

I just liked saying it.

"Hello, I'm Sue Clearwater. Charlie and my husband were best friends until Harry died last year. Charlie and I have gotten close lately."

"That's great," I said. "There are too many lonely people in the world. I'm glad for anyone who finds someone to share their life with."

She liked my answer but then the smile faded from her mouth and she tapped her fingers on the bench nervously.

"Leah is my daughter."

"Oh," I said, putting the puzzle pieces together. "Leah is married to Jake, right?"

"Yes. Somehow Bella has remained friends with them both despite what they did to her."

"It's all in the past," I reasoned. "We all make mistakes and stupid decisions, but Bella's fine. She moved on a long time ago."

"I hope you treat her better than Jacob and Riley did," she replied, taking toast from the toaster and spreading butter on it.

Bella looked perfectly happy to see Sue there and she stood up and embraced her as we walked into the room.

I put the plate of toast onto the table and sat down to eat.

"So, how long have you two been dating?" Bella asked as she sat beside me.

"Just a few weeks," Sue replied.

"Like us," my girl added. "It's cool, Charlie, I like the thought of knowing you are not here all alone. Harry would love this. He loved you both so it's all good."

"I'm so happy to see you have a boyfriend again at last, Bella. I'm still embarrassed about my daughter and her affair with Jake."

"Sometimes things fall apart so better things can fall together. Edward is my better thing. Jacob and I were just kids and nothing was ever going to last between us. It's just so far in the past now I need everyone to get over it and forget it. Honestly, I never think about it any more. I've had boyfriends since and I think I always knew Jake would be a great friend, but never husband material for me. He knew that too."

"But you two looked so in love," Sue sighed. "he was your first boyfriend."

"It was only ever the fact he was my first boyfriend that even made me consider maybe he and I could have made it. Everybody thinks that. Everyone thinks their first romance is the real thing and it's only later, when you look back and clearly see how little you two actually had in common that you realise it would have failed, even if you'd stayed and given it a real chance.

You know what I mean.

I've dated a lot of men since Jake and Riley and I've never considered any of them keepers. Edward is different. He'd really dear to my heart and I can now see he was right to force me to open my eyes and look at him properly. I'm very glad to have found him."

"But what Jake and Leah did was still wrong," Sue protested.

"Are you saying it would have been better if I stayed and married Jake? Edward and I are soul mates. Jake and Leah are soul mates. So, you know what would have happened. Jake would still be sneaking around with her behind my back, and I'd be sitting here dazzled by the new Cullen in town, and we'd get divorced. They would have had to lie about Jake being the twins father, so Rachel and Rebecca would not know him much at all, and you would be embarrassed because Leah had two kids to an unknown man. See, to me, everything that happened did so for a purpose, and this is that purpose. The right people are together."

Charlie actually looked interested in the conversation. That was unusual, considering it was not about fishing or sports.

"I agree with Bella," he replied, surprising everyone that he was actually talking about feelings and relationships. It was a first. "I kept my blinkers on all these years and pretended Renee was my ideal woman and yet she is so opposite to the kind of partner I wanted. I did what I needed to do to ensure Bella got to be born, and I got to raise her but anyone with any sense would have drawn the line then, and moved on. Bella could have grown up with a stepmom had I really considered what would have been best for both of us and not remained deluded. I'm glad my daughter can see the truth.

I knew Edward was the man for her the first time she brought him home to meet me."

"Really?" I said in surprise. My parents knew, Charlie knew; how come it took us so long to work it out?

"Sometimes two people just fit like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. I've watched you two together over the years and it's always just been so natural. Bella is your moon, and you are hers. It's been quite frustrating knowing this and having you two remain oblivious. It made me examine my own life and I realized she is like me. Too like me. Keeping Renee's photo on the wall meant I never had to re-enter real life and move on.

Everyone understood. Poor Charlie, his soul mate left him, he will never get over it.

Renee was never my soul mate because if she had been, she would have stayed.

She did me a favour by going but I was too stupid to see that, until now. Jake and Leah did Bella a favour by making it impossible for her to stay. She has a career she loves and the man she was meant to be with at her side. There is no problem, Sue."

While I did agree with everything he said, I still felt unsure about Riley Biers.

Bella may know Jake was never meant for her, and I do believe her when she says she knew that before she even left home, but Riley?

Riley changed her.

He was a real boyfriend. She may or may not have loved him, I guess we will never know, but she had been a grown up when she thought they were a forever couple. It had been different to her schoolgirl crush on Jake.

I just wish Bella and Riley had both come to the conclusion he came to alone; that they had gone as far as they could and were done. We all have had relationships like that. There's always that day when you suddenly realize this is not progressing, it's going nowhere and there's nothing left to do or say , other than 'Goodbye'.

Those endings don't hurt and leave a legacy of pain behind because you know you both tried and did your best but you were not meant to be together.

It's just the way things are sometimes.

I'd outgrown girlfriends in the past, and they'd outgrown me. I had no scars from them.

I'd never looked back and thought 'if only'.

But Tanya had scarred me and it had taken until now for me to finally be able to say in complete honesty that it no longer mattered. She had been just the companion I had at the beginning of my journey and she had shaped me and thrown me off course, but I'd coped and gotten past it.

I knew I had Bella to thank for my final healing, and seeing Tanya again had been a good thing. I could look at her now and see what she was and what she had always been.

She was shallow and immoral and had no idea what love was.

You may think I can hardly cast the first stone because my behaviour had hardly been moral either, but I never hurt any of those girls. I told them upfront I was not looking for love or a relationship so they went with me fully informed. Maybe there was one now and then, like Jessica, who thought she could change me but that was never because of anything I had said or done. I had never pretended to like them or see them as anything more than a pick up.

I never kissed them with meaning, no matter what Bella thought. Sometimes I hadn't even kissed them at all. I never ever said any words to imply I had feelings of any kind apart from the obvious.

I know Bella is my One, my soul mate and I think she is coming around to the same conclusion about me but I still wish she had gotten honesty and a clean break from Riley.

He's always going to be lurking there, and she will never know how she feels about him now because their relationship is frozen in time for her.

He never even said goodbye.

To an outsider, it's easy to sit there and judge him and conclude he was not worthy of her anyway and she is lucky he left, but Bella needs closure, even if for me, that happened immediately when I broke up with someone.

Riley is the guy who went out for cigarettes and never came home, so to speak.

There was no ending.

"Edward, are you still with us?" Bella said and I snapped back into the here and now.

"Sorry, I seem to be a little tired today," I smirked.

"I asked you if you wanted to go on a hike in the forest today seeing it isn't raining."

"Sure. Lead the way," I replied.

We left Charlie and Sue to the dishes and I laughed as Sue complimented him on the new paint job in his kitchen, and he exclaimed in surprise because he hadn't even noticed. It seemed he truly had let Renee go at last.

Bella sat down on the floor in the entry and went through the pile of shoes in the bottom of the closet there until she found her hiking boots and put them on. She was wearing jeans and a couple of layers of tops and now she added a yellow jacket as well. It seemed her body was well protected from me as well as the elements and we were truly going hiking, not dashing off to have sex amongst the trees.

"Ready," she announced and we went to my car.

X~x~X

It wasn't boring, watching her trip every hundred yards and having to catch her, and she did reward me with a kiss each time. But she was truly determined to spend some time with me without hands and tongues and anything else erotic coming into play.

"See, we can be normal," she said as I took her hand and walked beside her.

"Normal is very overrated," I replied.

"Edward, one day soon we have to go home and return to work. We have to give off the same vibes as we did before. If anyone knows one of us will be gone."

"Firstly, pretty much everyone thinks we have been having sex for years, so nothing will change there. Secondly, will it truly be a tragedy if we have to leave Murder Squad? Do you see yourself doing that forever?"

"I would like five more years," she sighed. "I'm twenty five and got on the squad when I was twenty one. Usually that means I'd have an uncle who is boosting my career because he is one of the top bosses, but that is not the case. I got where I am on my own merits and it thrills me to know that. I know it's not the career to have if you want a normal home life and I don't know how I will feel if I have to quit and you get teamed with a new partner. It's not a trust issue, though let's put it out there in the open, any female partner you ever have is going to expect you to sleep with her because that always has been your habit."

"Things have changed," I assured her. "I know it will take time to convince the others that I no longer sleep around, but in time they will accept my new status as someone in a committed relationship, even if they don't know who I am with. You said women believe actions over words? Well my actions will be strictly professional from now on and I swear I will never touch another girl. I love you and I won't do anything to jeopardize us."

I had an idea. It was the best and obvious way to send out my new message, seeing we could not just announce we were together and change everyone's attitude that way.

It wasn't even Marcus keeping us quiet; it was the department's policy. Anyone involved with a workmate was separated so emotions did not cloud their judgement so it was true, if anyone knew, one of us would be transferred.

If we got outed, I would volunteer to be the one to go, because Bella loved the job a lot more than I did. So long as I didn't end up back in Domestic Violence. I couldn't handle another stint there.

We reached the top of the mountain and sat down together, looking at the view over the edge. I put my arm around her shoulders and she snuggled into my side. The sea shone in the distance and the town of Forks was behind us, so it looked like we were in the middle of someplace completely uninhabited.

Just us, and the flora and fauna.

Five more years was a reasonable request. Being five years older than she was would inevitably always mean I was ready to move to the next level before she was, but that was why compromising had been invented.

"So, if you get five more years in Murder, what then?" I asked her.

"I don't want a desk job. I'd rather leave the force all together and do something new. I don't know what, yet, but I don't want us to split up over work. It's important but it's no longer my only focus. I realize you are my chance to be in a relationship that has real meaning and real hope of forever, Edward. Work cannot come before us. I want to stay in the squad for five more years but if it becomes a wedge, then I will rethink and find another path to follow."

"I can hardly believe you are saying this," I admitted. "You love your job."

"Maybe I love you more," she replied. Her eyes shone with honesty and I was so glad we came here to Forks together. If she hadn't come with me, I'd be sitting at my parents place, avoiding Tanya, and trying to think up excuses to leave and go back to the city and we'd still be in limbo.

I'd loved seeing the reaction in Bella's eyes when she met Tanya; that was the only good thing to come out of Mom's interfering. It made Bella have to examine and admit there was something between us and yes, she did want to continue and not step aside.

I didn't want her to 'do the right thing' by the fuckbuddy code and set me free, and that's why I followed her to the bathroom.

Watching her drinking her tea while her eyes shot daggers at Tanya told me all I needed to know. I could barely keep eye contact with her because I could see actual pain in her gaze, even if she wasn't aware of it. She was hurting at the thought we could be all done and dusted, and I could be moving on, though going back to an ex is never moving on in my mind. It's flogging a dead horse.

She had no idea how easily I could read her eyes, they had no idea how to lie. No matter what words came out of her mouth, if her eyes didn't agree I knew she was talking bullshit. They may be brown and endlessly deep but they had also been green when she looked over Tanya.

I never wanted to hurt her but I admit, I got a buzz knowing she was jealous.

It may not be a pretty emotion but it served it's purpose.

"When do you see our marriage fitting in?" I asked her.

She sat up and looked at me straight on. Good, now I would know she meant what she was saying.

"I will never agree to marrying and keeping it secret so I guess it doesn't happen until my five years are done. Are you going to wait around that long?"

There was hope and fear and doubt in her eyes.

"Of course I am. I will wait however long it takes. Don't forget I'm renting a bedroom in your apartment so I Jasper can have my place. It will need furniture of course, but he can handle that.

We can be together whenever we are not working, and spend every night sharing your bed, but I will keep my belongings in my own bedroom, for show.

Nobody will even think it's strange; I've slept on your sofa far more than I've ever slept in my own bed. They'd find it stranger if I stopped sleeping over, don't you think?"

"That is true. I'm glad you did that. I think we bonded over midnight discussions about good wine and bad movies, don't you? Looking back, apart from the sex we were getting elsewhere, we really were becoming a real couple all along."

"If we could go back, I'd never have resorted to hooking up," I confessed. "You made me so damned horny and frustrated. We should have explored the fuckbuddy thing a long time ago."

"I wouldn't have been ready," she replied and I knew she meant she would not have been over Riley. Damn, the man was still here, like some Goddamn ghost in our lives.

Chances were he would never come back and clean up the mess he left behind.

"We need to talk about Riley. He's still here, between us."

"I don't want him to be. I wish I could say he's nothing to me now, but he is such a tiny something compared to you. I don't love him, not like I love you," she stated. "I think if he came back I would want to kill him."

She thought that meant she was over him, but I knew it didn't. If she truly no longer cared about him, she wouldn't think about him coming back, and if he did, she'd be unaffected by his presence.

Maybe he'd die undercover and she'd have no choice other than to truly let him go. It was a dangerous occupation after all. We lost men all the time, when their cover was blown or even just because they were living as drug dealers and bikie gang members. Sometimes they were killed because their cover was too real, too convincing.

I had no idea what Riley was doing, or where he was living but for him to be still gone on the same assignment after two years, it was something big and important he was working on. It was bigger than just tracing back to a drug importer by going through the long line of suppliers and dealers to get back to the source.

Prostitution was always going to happen and busting pimps was a thankless task but there could be something going on in an effort to tracing the source of workers in some of the larger sex trade organizations. Trafficking girls from poorer countries was the usual source of supply; they were lured by free passage out of their own countries and promised jobs as house cleaners and nannies and waitresses, never realizing those jobs really needed people who could speak the language of the country they were going to.

Next thing they'd be informed they owed a great debt for their airfare and keep, and had to 'work it off' in some brothel before they could leave and start their new life. Of course, most of them were given drugs and took them just to cope with the horror of their existence. This led to more debt and next thing they were tied for life, always trying to pay the debt back, but it never happened.

You never see older women still working so at some point, they become expendable and disappear. It's not that they go into some retirement home for ex-hookers.

I was always thankful to have no sisters when my mind went off on a tangent like this one. Some men did horrible things to women.

"Hey, what are you thinking about?" Bella asked, pulling me down to lay beside her on the grass.

"I was thinking about how lucky I am to have you and how I never want us to be apart," I replied, kissing her gently. I took her hand and kissed her ring finger.

"We could get engaged. Marcus won't think anything if you start wearing an engagement ring. Women get engaged all the time. I promise I would not assume getting engaged meant you definitely wanted to marry me; just that you would take some time to work out what you really want and would remain exclusive to me until that happened."

"Still not a proposal, Edward," she growled.

"Seriously, Bella, I will get down on my bended knee the moment I think you will say yes. It would wound me so badly to have you say no."

"We need a code," she decided. "When I'm ready, I need to tell you that in some way that only we understand."

"Serve me brocolli," I suggested. "Neither of us eat it so it can be your way of telling me you are ready to go to the next level; whatever it may be."

"So when I want you to propose, I serve you a nasty green vegetable that nobody should even consider is a foodstuff? That's a little too romantic," she laughed.

"And when you want me to actually marry you, you do it again," I suggested.

Maybe one day she would even serve it to me to say she had changed her mind and wanted to have my baby.

I had not given up hope that someday she would consider having a child. A few weeks ago she was so against marriage only a masochist would have ever mentioned it in her presence.

Now she was thawing and fitting our nuptials into her timeline for her lifeplan. I personally did not think she'd end up waiting the full five years. Maybe in a lesser timespan, she'd decided work was work and life was something entirely different and much more important.

"If I serve you brocolli, you have to let me know if you still want the same things."

"I will always want you. I want to get engaged, and to marry you; it's you holding back. I'd marry you today. I have that much faith in us already," I informed her.

"Then when I serve you brocolli, if nothing's changed and you still want to get engaged, you have to eat it," she replied. "If you leave it on your plate I will know you have given up on me."

"I can do that," I agreed. She was worth forcing down a serving of the hideous vegetable. I hoped to have to repeat that a few times over the years, when she wanted new things.

X~x~X

Mom had left a dozen messages on my cell, so I called her back when we got back into range.

"Please Edward, come home for dinner. Tanya's insisting she will not leave until you specifically tell her to go, and she's cooking dinner for us all tonight. I want this to be her farewell gesture, and it won't be if you aren't here. Remind me to never interfere in your life again."

"I most certainly will, " I promised. I was glad she was learning her lesson but annoyed that Tanya was still here.

"Bring Bella with you. This woman needs to be shown there is no room in your heart for her and when you and Bella are together, there's never any doubt that your heart is full already."

Okay, maybe I should have listened to her and believed she knew what she was talking about every time I had brought Bella home or my family had visited us, in the past.

"And bring Charlie. We need to get to know him better."

"Charlie has a girlfriend," I replied.

"Wonderful. Invite her as well. This will be a family occasion. Apart from Tanya."

I promised to be there at eight and shut the phone.

"Esme is having a problem shaking off her annoying guest so I said we would all go to dinner there tonight. Tanya's cooking so we may need to test the food for poisons," I joked.

Because I am a man, little unimportant things slip by me and it wasn't until we were

seated at my parent's table and Tanya was serving that I realized there had been one thing I should have told Bella and now Emmett was going to do just that.

Tanya spooned up a serving of broccoli and green beans and was about to add them onto my plate. I held up my hand and stopped her.

"There's only one woman in the world who will ever get me to eat my greens and you are not her," I informed Tanya, and she took the ladle back still loaded.

"I'd have thought you remembered Edward never eats green vegetables," Carlisle said with a chuckle. "You seem to have memorized everything else about him."

Charlie looked at Tanya and frowned. Sue put her hand over his and he turned his attention back to her.

"Tanya was Edward's girlfriend a very long time ago," Dad stated. "It's been over for years. Since before college."

Bella was seated opposite me at the table and I wound her feet in mine. She smiled and Tanya caught it and became annoyed.

"Edward and I were a very good match," Tanya stated, letting Mom take over the serving duties.

"I still remember everything that he enjoys, in and out of bed."

"I guess that was you reminding him when I walked into his room and found you naked in his bed and Edward putting some clothes on his naked body," Emmett said with a grin.

Dammit.

I immediately looked at Bella, but she gazed back with nothing but complete trust and some amusement in her eyes.

I guess that was the moment I knew she really did love me. She automatically assumed there was an innocent explanation.

However, Charlie needed to hear it spoken out loud.

"Nobody should get into someone else's bed _uninvited_ ," I hissed. "Especially with all the blinds pulled down so the actual occupant of the room didn't know you were there, and went in to change his clothes as any person is entitled to do without having to check for unwelcome interlopers hiding in his bed."

"Oh, you didn't know she was there." Emmett finally got it. He shrugged. "That was a waste then. I've never personally turned away naked girls from my bed."

"More's the pity," Mom replied. "Jasper and Alice are coming to stay for a few days so everybody needs to be on their best behaviour and I'm afraid we need the guestroom for Alice, so it's fortunate you are going home tomorrow, Tanya. You must give your Mom and sisters our best wishes."

"I'll drive you to the bus station myself," I added. It would be worth it, to actually see her climb on board and go.

"I haven't been to the bus station in years," Bella stated. "I'd love to see it again."

Because bus stations are such interesting places and there's all those amazing old crappy wooden benches to look at.

I grinned at her and she grinned back. So this was how it was going down. She was keeping Tanya away from me and making sure the woman did not even slip in a Goodbye kiss. Not that I wanted one. The only kisses I would ever want would come from Bella's lips.

My mind wandered and starting thinking of magnificent things Bella's lips had done to me.

I must have made some sound because when I looked up, every eye was on me.

"Shit. Edward's getting laid here in Forks. See Mom, it's not just me that likes the local ladies.," Emmett announced.

"Edward is in a committed relationship, you should try it sometime," Mom retorted.

"What? You really do have a girlfriend? I assumed you said that to Tanya just to piss her off.

Who is she?"

"Really, Emmett?" Carlisle laughed. "I need you in my office tomorrow for an eye test and an MRI to find your Oblivious Tumour. Can you honestly sit here and not feel the electricity in the air?"

"I thought it was just you and Mom, as usual," he replied, looking at Bella and narrowing his eyes. "Bella, are you going to be my sister?"

Dad laughed and clapped him on his back.

"Looks like the tumour has gone. I'm surprised you never saw this coming, but then, Edward didn't."

"Okay, we have established the fact Edward and I couldn't see the forest for the trees, but we know now and I just need to do one thing," Bella stated, standing up and serving me a single piece of broccoli.

I picked it up with my fork and chewed it, and it tasted sweet, and full of promise.

"Mom, I need the ring," I informed her.

Esme put a hand over her mouth and suppressed a scream, but tears leaked down her cheeks.

"Thank you, Tanya. I knew if I brought you here , Edward would have to see Bella with clear eyes and know. I'm sorry for using you in this way but it had to be done before one of them ending up committing themselves to the wrong person. I could see Edward was changing and wanting more, and Bella was getting restless and unhappy with her life and if either of them made a mistake right now, it would have been too late."

She left the room and returned in minutes with the familiar velvet box and placed it in front of me.

I walked to Bella's side and dropped to one knee.

"Bella, you are the love of my life and the reason for my existence and I want you to be mine forever. Will you accept this ring?" I asked. I deliberately made no reference to her agreeing to marry me.

"Yes," she said simply, her eyes shining. We were not rushing this, we just needed to have declared our intentions to our families and friends so we could sit back and get to the point where a wedding was desirable and a dream come true.

Engagement is not written in stone like a marriage is, and there was still room to turn back if Bella could not rid herself of old doubts. Her accepting this ring today meant she was going to try to let her past go and see me as her future. It was a promise to try, not a vow in front of God.

Others may see it differently, but I knew what it meant to us.

If anyone could be her future, she wanted it to be me.

There would be no wedding until Riley was simply someone she once knew, and that may take a little time, but we had that.

No eager parent was rushing us down any aisle before we were really ready.

I needed us on even playing fields and she wanted that as well.

"Are you setting a date for the installation of your ball and chain?" Emmett asked.

Bella smiled.

"It will happen when Edward and I know the time is right and not before. Nobody else has any say in this, and we will inform you when it's going to happen, once we know ourselves. Be happy with that. This could be a long engagement. It may not be, but save your breath and don't ask for progress reports. One day there will be engraved invitations in your letterboxes and then you will have your answer."

She had said even more than I expected and I was sure in that moment that we would make it and would one day exchange wedding vows.

I slid my grandmother's ring onto her finger and we both stood up and embraced. Our lips sought out one another and I kissed her so long she almost blacked out. I felt her become unsteady on her feet and pulled back, holding her tightly.

Everyone at the table clapped, with the exception of Tanya, who left hurriedly to pack. It seemed she didn't want to spend another lonely night in my bed after all.

'

**A/N..Bored? Try reading Safe In Alternate Arms by Et Tu Edward, in my favs.**


	8. Chapter 8

It's Murder

Chapter 8

BPOV

The arrival of Alice and Jasper and the baby was a relief. I have never hankered after being the center of attention and the focus shifted off Edward and I and onto Alice and especially Tommy.

To the Cullen boys amusement, their parents were clearly convinced that Tom was Jasper's child, and Esme wavered between being thrilled to finding out she and Carlisle had a grandson, and being a little hurt and put out that her own son had never told them of the possibility.

"He must have suspected," Edward and I overheard her complain to her husband. "And why did we never hear about Alice before this? I can't believe Jasper had to choose between this lovely girl and that Maria creature, and he chose Maria. No wonder Alice went so far away and stayed away. I wonder where they met? I can't believe we missed this. Oh, do you think maybe she never told Jasper about the pregnancy because he chose Maria? I can understand that."

"I have no idea. I would say just believe our son when he says that he has just met Alice, except looking at that little boy just takes me right back to when Jasper was that age. They could be twins," Carlisle replied.

Edward took my hand and pulled me outside. He burst out laughing once we were out of earshot and I shook my head.

"You don't find this funny? My parents are sitting there, looking at Jasper's baby photos, convincing themselves he is somehow Tom's biological father. Regardless of the fact Alice and Jasper's paths have never crossed before.

You know Mom really thinks they hooked up and then never saw one another again until recently, and she just doesn't want to admit her 'grandchild' was conceived during a shameful night of lust while those two forgot to exchange names and phone numbers. I swear this is going to go down in the Cullen family history as the miraculous reunion of a father and son who never knew the other existed."

"Maybe it's better this way. James is truly one despicable character. If you ever met him, Edward, you would agree wiping his existence from Alice and Tom's life would be the best thing to happen to them. I know Alice hates the thought of one day having to explain to her son that he was fathered by a douchebag who wanted him wiped from the planet and never given life.

So what if Tom erroneously believes Jasper is his dad. I personally think it would be the best thing to happen."

Edward disagreed.

"Kids deserve to know the truth, however hurtful."

"It's not our decision anyway," I pointed out. "I'm sure nobody will consult us and ask us what we think. I'm going along with whatever Alice decides, just so you know."

"Whatever," Edward laughed. "We are not fighting over something that as you rightly point out, has nothing to do with us. Want to head for the beach? Now the focus has shifted on to Baby Tom, I don't think anyone will notice that we are gone."

La Push looked beautiful but the water was too frigid to lure us into it's depths so we chased one another along the sand and Edward tackled me and brought me down, in his arms; taking my weight so he hit the ground and cushioned my fall.

The level of unthinking care he showed me was chipping away at my insecurities and last few doubts and fears that this could still possibly be transitional. I believed him when he swore he wanted forever, but forever is a very long time.

That voice of sanity in my brain kept cautioning me that things were moving too fast and I admit when I saw the sunlight hit my engagement ring on my finger, it sobered me up abruptly each time. Even though I knew it meant something different and less than most rings of its type, it still freaked me out when I thought about how far we had come in such a short time.

Sometimes all I could think was that we were insane but then listening to Edward recalling bits and pieces of our past three years as best friends lulled me back into trying to combine the total time we had 'been together', before and after we started having sex.

He clearly saw those years as the beginning of our relationship and considered we had been somehow connected all this time but I kept thinking of how he had hooked up constantly once I started 'dating' , and for me, those years did not count.

It didn't make what we had now any less because we were new, but it troubled me that Edward could just forget he'd been in all those beds while he supposedly thought only of me.

I'd never thought of him while 'dating' the succession of men I really had little interest in and had I truly been captivated by my partner, I would have stopped using those men and turned my attention to him.

As far as I was concerned, we had shared three years of friendship and now we had something more.

Edward was convinced the three years counted and gave us permission to rush into something deeper and more meaningful because of points earned over time.

One day none of this would even matter, once we had some real history of being a couple but although he often assured me he didn't intend rushing me, I had my doubts that those words were true.

He wanted everything solidified as soon as he could convince me the time was right and I was sure if I suggested we went to Vegas, he would be thrilled and have us married by an Elvis impersonator before I could blink.

I just needed him to slow down.

I had not been in a serious relationship since Riley and this one was different. With Riley I was so sure that he wanted the same things I had wanted and in the end, I was proved wrong. It had been weird, like I had lived in a bubble and believed I knew him as well as I knew myself and then the bubble burst and a different man stood before me. A man who wanted a future so different to the one we had planned, it truly was like he was suddenly a different person. Like an alien had invaded his body.

It still made no sense.

How could he have been with me for over three years and never expressed any desire to ever have kids, and then suddenly, they were vital?If you assume we just avoided that one subject and never explored how the other felt, you are wrong.

We did discuss it. I have never seen myself as suitable mother material, and was too scared of failing any child I may have to put myself to the test. It's always the child that pays.

Riley agreed. He saw the world as a too overpopulated already. Not that a couple more children could radically alter that significantly. I wouldn't feel guilty for having kids if we both wanted them and were sure we could be adequate parents. Who knows, one of our offspring may have grown up to discover the cure for cancer.

If he'd wanted kids from the start, I doubt I'd have even dated him. He was my easy option.

The last thing he wanted was to sign up for eighteen years, and the rest, of being responsible to his child. He loathed small babies and toddlers and thought kids were too much trouble. With him, I'd never have to decide if I wanted kids because they were not an option in his world. I'd never be tested. I'd never have to look at myself in the mirror one day and know I'd failed my own flesh and blood by not being a good enough parent.

I'd never have the pain of knowing my child couldn't wait to grow up and get far away from me.

Let's face it, any child of Riley's and mine would have a double dose of 'disappearing' genes, inherited from it's grandmother as well and it's father.

No, we had never been besotted with the idea of producing small clones of one another; we were enough. We had enough in common to make a wonderful life together. We had our careers, and a sense of slight competition to outdo one another as we climbed the ladder. Sometimes he was ranked higher than I was; sometimes I was above him. Once I was even his Boss and don't think I didn't take advantage.

Then he suddenly outranked me, and he had his revenge.

I got a new title. Bella Swan, sex slave.

He introduced me to handcuffs outside of the work environment, and played out every fantasy he had ever had, even those he would never have dared to mention out loud earlier. He loved having the upperhand, and in a way, I loved that I had to comply and obey his commands. For a short time, anyway. I dare say in time I would have rebelled and given him a good slapping with his little riding crop that brought him so much amusement when he flicked it over my body.

I just don't get how we got to that level of intimacy and connection, then what, he changed? He wanted to morph into some clean cut nine to five office worker who came home to his barefoot and pregnant wifey who had fresh lipstick on her lips and a roast in the oven?

He wanted to become a pen pusher and he wanted me to become an incubator and push out a succession of small Rileys, never knowing if we would have what it took to raise them right? Or even if he'd stick around and last the distance.

That had never been our plan. He had wanted and I had agreed, to an extraordinary life. Travel, adventure, trips all over the world every holiday break, enjoying new cultures and seeing how the rest of the World lived. Watching other people have children, and enjoying their company without ever having the responsibility to have to raise them ourselves. Being an observer rather than a participator.

And Riley only ever liked the best of everything. Without the expense of children, he could afford to indulge himself.

He wanted a great apartment, and matching convertibles, and when I first saw the loft apartment, I admit it started me wanting one just like it. We were willing to work to get it. What else was there to spend our money on?

Riley insisted on contributing to my savings account and assured me every cent was there for me to spend however I chose. No matter what the future held, that was my nest egg. It had allowed me to buy my apartment.

But I would never have chosen bricks and mortar over being his wife.

It was so out of character for him to suddenly change and do a complete turn around.

I honestly thought it would be a three day wonder, and he'd just as suddenly decide it had just been a passing fancy. A moment of madness. He'd never liked children, not even his brothers boys and he'd refused to come home to Forks with me to meet Jake's twins.

"You are on your own with this one, Bella. Go play Godmother for a week and I'll go to a resort with a really good spa. I feel the need to be pampered, not drooled on by some demanding little brats. Isn't it enough I tolerate my nephews when they are here?"

How could _that_ same man suddenly want to reproduce? How could I trust this to be a permanent desire, and not just a whim? I was sure he'd wake up in a week and have forgotten all about it. Probably be horrified at his 'breakdown' and just want to get back to normal and forget it had ever happened.

Maybe once enough time had passed to reduce it just to something we could joke about, we'd laugh about that one period in time when Riley wanted us to become The Waltons.

It would be just like the time he donated the winnings he made on a roulette wheel in Vegas to a homeless shelter, then went back a week later asking for his money back because he actually thought homeless people were just too lazy to get jobs, now that he'd given it some thought.

He was often erratic and unpredictable. He went off on flights of fancy, wanting to emigrate one week and being completely embarrassed about it the next week when he decided he really didn't like any other countries, and certainly didn't want to try living anywhere else.

Sometimes he thought it was unfair to have more money than most average couples, and he would fret and research the best charities to support, but when it came to the crunch, he'd come home with a new car instead, because charity began at home and he worked hard for his money.

He'd never ever hankered after a family before. He even pitied people he knew 'tied down and bled dry by their ungrateful brats'.

No,we wanted a different life so what went so drastically wrong that he couldn't even say Goodbye?

With Edward, we do want most of the same things; but we want them at different paces. He wants everything _now,_ and I need time. I need to trust that he won't suddenly change and decide life with me alone is not enough.

The biggest sore point between us is his insistence it is Riley that was keeping me from throwing myself into this at the same speed he wants to move us along. It's more than that. Maybe I had loved Riley once, but not now. How could anyone love someone who did what he had done?

I had not even been worthy of one single explanation, one phone call. Not even a text.

I'd known everything would change from the day he accepted the attachment to UC work, but still I deluded myself that he and I would work out a way to remain in a relationship of some sort, and instead, he cut all ties and never so much as kissed me goodbye.

If he knocked on my door the day we got back to the city, I'd slam it in his face.

We were done, as he had made sure would happen, but he had done it in such a cowardly way, I could not help but still have resentment festering inside somewhere, in a place I rarely visited until Edward brought him up and wanted to 'talk it out' as he put it.

Finally I had pointed out anything I had to say to Riley could not be resolved by my talking to Edward about it; he was not part of that time in my life. We had only really met when Riley and I were in what proved to be, the very final days of us, and Edward had merely been the hot new guy at work.

I know he wishes we had taken one look at one another and fallen madly in love, and nobody, even Riley, had mattered any more, but that was not the way things had gone down, and his romanticising about how he 'knew' from the start we would someday be something special cut no ice with me.

I'd seen him take any number of girls out of bars for two years; was that fact somehow now longer true?

I had no idea if love at first sight could happen but I was quite sure it had not happened with us. It had taken three years of friendship to force me to even wonder if we had something better around the corner. I am perfectly happy we do, and I treasure every day we have been together, but this _is_ new, and _is_ in it's infancy and he needs to acknowledge that and slow down.

A familiar figure appeared in the distance and I grinned as I watched Jacob walking towards the surf with his board under his arm and two little figures running along behind him, like baby ducklings.

"Hey, there's Rachel and Rebecca, come and meet them," I urged Edward, pulling on his hand so we could get to them faster. As we approached, Jake found out his twins were behind him and he was telling them they needed to go back to the house because he was going to go surfing and he would not be able to look after them.

"We'll watch them," I called, running up and scooping Rebecca into my arms. She squealed and grabbed my hair and I introduced her to Edward.

"This is my number one God daughter, Rebecca Isabella Black. Bec, this is my boyfriend, Edward. Go to him so I can catch Rachel."

I handed her over and Edward took her from my arms, and held her as securely and naturally as if he held little girls every day of his life.

"Hey Rache," I exclaimed, grabbing her and lifting her up before she could escape.

"Edward, this is Rachel Marie Black, God Daughter number two by seven minutes."

"Aunty Bella, Daddy is supposed to be watching us while Mommy takes Grandpa Billy to the doctor and he forgot," she dobbed gleefully, as only a little girl could.

"Oh bad Daddy," I laughed.

Jake sighed and inched towards the water.

"Thanks Bells. I assumed Leah was in charge of them until she actually left , and that won't happen for another hour, remember Rachel? I'm not a bad Daddy, I just wanted to catch some waves before I spend time playing dollies and tea parties with you girls. Be good for Bella."

"This is Edward by the way," I replied and the two men shook hands, before Jake headed into the surf.

"Put me on your back and we can race Edward and Bec," Rachel suggested so I swung her around like the monkey she is and Edward raised an eyebrow at Rebecca and she urged him to do the same.

I love spending time with these girls and the moment they were born, any faint lingering doubts that everything had worked out for the best had disappeared.

I would not have turned back time and prevented their conception even if I could.

I had been hurt by Jacob's deception, for that was what it was, but I can't say I cried much over the outcome. These girls may be the closest I ever come to having kids of my own and I adored them from the top of their precious little heads to the bottom of their little feet.

I'd witnessed their births, and been the first person who was not a parent of theirs, to hold each of their tiny newborn bodies.

I'd returned home more often than I normally would, just because I needed to catch up and see them again as they changed from babies to toddlers to real little girls.

Did I wish they were mine?

Never.

They were too precious, too perfect, to be an experiment to test and see if I could be a good parent. They deserved better. Parents had to be strong, and confident and self sacrificing.

I'd seen how hard it had been for Leah and Jake when the twins were tiny and cried seemingly non-stop, and I watched my friends turn into zombies who barely functioned.

Why would anyone voluntarily go through that I wondered. It must be something about them being your own flesh and blood, because Alice and never wanted babies either, before Tommy arrived. She'd been as surprised as I was when he became the best thing she had ever achieved, and now she had no regrets at all about having him.

I'm sure if she could turn the clock back, the only thing she would change would be his paternity.

I'm sure these twins brought endless delight to their parents, but I suspect both Jake and Leah would delay their conceptions if they could turn back time.

Parenthood seemed a very full on task to me, and look at Jake even now, trying to get away from his daughters for an hour because he knows his afternoon will be spent amusing them.

To me, if you want a kid, then you make that kid your priority and what you want no longer counts. They had never asked to be born. You owe them eighteen years of hard graft making their lives the best they can be, and then, when they leave home, you can do all the things you missed out on while you were being a good parent.

Everyone tells you kids grow up in the blink of an eye, so why wasn't Jake just treasuring every single moment? His turn would happen one day.

"And we won!" yelled Edward, swinging Bec down from his shoulders and they both proceeded to kick foam at Rachel and I, the losers.

"We beat you slowpokes," Bec shouted, grabbing Edward's hand and smiling up at him. And another heart was lost to Edward Cullen.

Honestly, I'd love to one day meet a female of any age who could meet him and not be even slightly bedazzled. Sometimes it seemed like every female on Earth was either in awe of him, or hadn't met him yet but would be.

Everywhere we went, women stopped in the street and forgot what they were doing as he grinned his sexy as grin at them in amusement, and some had very annoyed husbands and boyfriends at their sides, momentarily forgotten as the Edward Effect occurred.

He'd never picked up any woman he knew had a partner, admittedly, but he could have.

"Can we go down to where the shells are and get some new ones?" Rachel asked, skipping over to take my boyfriend's spare hand.

"I'd love to see where the shells get washed up," Edward replied and I trailed along behind and collected the buckets and spades from where the twins had dropped them earlier.

I watched him with the girls as they dug through the broken pieces to find any intact shells for their collections and marvelled how he just adapted and became their new best friend.

As far as I knew, he had little contact with children in his life but he was a natural.

He didn't hover or fuss, just treated them like small human beings and responded to their endless chatter and questions with no sign of impatience.

"Are you going to marry Aunty Bella?" Bec asked, making me blush.

"I sure am," Edward replied confidently, sparing me a smile as he sifted sand with his fingers and handed over new discoveries.

"When? Can we be flower girls?" Rachel asked.

"That would be up to your Aunty Bella," Edward replied.

I felt like I was being cornered here.

"Can we, Aunty Bella?" Bec pleaded.

"If you aren't too grown up and old by then," I promised. "We are not getting married for a while so we will talk about it when it's nearer to the time."

"But we have new dresses _now_," Rachel said crossly. "Mommy says they are way too frilly for normal wear and Daddy should not have bought them until we had a special 'cassion to wear them. They are really pretty, Aunty Bella, they have long ballerina skirts and flowers on the tops and everything."

"Wow, Aunty Bella, they do sound perfect for flower girl dresses," Edward added.

"I believe I can buy these girls suitable new dresses when the time comes," I laughed. There was no way we were getting married before we were ready just so the twins could wear the dresses Jake should not have bought without consulting Leah first. He had always been impulsive and never thought things through properly. Like having babies long before he and Leah had been ready.

That would never happen to me. No thank you. I would never have a child unless I knew I was ready for it to become the main focus of my life and get all the love and devotion it deserved.

I rubbed my arm where my favourite contraceptive device sat and thanked God Renee had the sense to get me made safe before anything had happened to leave me in this same situation.

God, what if Jake had knocked us both up, at the same time? What a mess my life could have been. There'd be a third black haired child here on the beach today, and no Edward Cullen wanting to marry me, no doubt.

Edward washed the new shells clean in seawater and stacked them carefully in Bec's bucket, commenting on the myriad of colours and different shapes. I could see Edward was in his element playing with these little girls and he couldn't understand why I didn't want this for us too, now, but he had to accept I was not there yet.

He was thirty and had gone through an epiphany of sorts and seen the light. Like an alcoholic who loses the taste for what once satisfied him, or a smoker who quit, suddenly his old way of life had become something to despise and he wanted to rush into a new beginning and convert everyone else as well.

Maybe if I was thirty and not twenty five, I'd be rushing these girls home to check out their dresses and make sure they were flower girl worthy, and rushing right along with him, but I wasn't.

One day, sure. But I was pretty happy with my life anyway and now having a real boyfriend just was the icing on the cake. I was happy with cake.

I didn't need that cake to be three tiers high and iced in smooth, white, wedding cake fondant. One day I would, but not yet.

Jacob collected his daughters and invited us to join them for dinner one day soon, and to Edward's delight, two pairs of little arms circled his neck as the twins claimed a cheek each and kissed him goodbye. I wished so much I could clap my hands and adore the idea of having children soon as much as he did. I was pages behind him.

We went back to the car and returned home to the Cullen's house.

Alice and Jasper were trying to converse with Esme and Carlisle, but Tom was having a hard time settling down so naturally Edward, the Baby Whisperer, took him and walked around the yard, singing soothingly to him and rocking him to sleep.

"He's just unsettled to be in another strange house, with so many new faces," Alice said as I sat down and accepted a cup of welcome hot sweet tea from Esme.

"I can't believe how amazing Edward is with the baby," Esme said in awe of her son. "I'm sure he will be an amazing father himself one day. I just hope one of his kids inherits his green eyes and copper hair," she said with a smile.

I sipped my tea and tried to imagine Edward's children.

Sure, if he had kids they would be beautiful, but it would be a very long time before I trusted myself enough to agree that I was ready. The whole process just seemed scary.

I'd been there for all of Alice's pregnancy.

I'd seen her pale and miserable with the morning sickness, and heartburn, and unable to get comfortable enough to sleep, it sure had not made me want to rush out and shag some guy to steal his sperm and join her.

Then I'd held her hand as she screamed through the birthing process that left me shocked and confused. She'd had a worse time than Leah, yet just produced the one infant.

Why on Earth was it necessary for childbirth to hurt so much? It was supposedly a natural occurrence yet most women seemed to be in unbearable agony, from what I saw. And why did God give us the ability to make epidurals and all those other drugs if so many women were determined to suffer through without them?

Alice had squeezed my hand so tightly during her contractions, I'd almost asked for a shot of pain killer for myself.

Then she'd somehow survived the squeezing out of the baby and despite being at a low point and needing to recover herself, she had this demanding infant to learn to feed and keep alive on top of everything else. It seemed so hard.

And she had needed to be stitched up. There.

"You have a tear, we are going to have to repair that," the OB had announced as he handed the baby over.

At that point, witnessing childbirth had not made me feel sick but I'd needed to run from the room and miss that particular agony.

Alice had told me they'd drugged her up and she hadn't felt a thing but I'd been unable to face food for days afters, as I kept imagining some place as tender and delicate as there being stabbed and stitched...

To this day it made my heart panic and my stomach turn.

As much as my friend had been determined to keep her baby and have it, she had not glowed or fallen instantly in love when Tom was handed to her in the Delivery Suite. She'd just looked wiped out and in shock.

How many times had Alice moaned at the subtle changes in her body? How many times had she whined about stretch marks and saggy skin, even though I really could not detect this 'disintegration' of her figure myself and clearly Jasper had not be horrified of the sight she presented naked.

He had not run for the hills screaming, so he must find her still acceptable.

And now she had even had sex again, post the sewing up of her privates.

Why did people have kids again?

Even Esme, the very definition of Earth Mothers, wished her boys had turned out 'better'.

She would change things about them if she could, and for what? Edward had prickled up and accused her of interfering when all she wanted was for him to grow up and stop being a manwhore.

And Emmett was going to turn every hair on her head grey before he changed his ways.

Eighteen years?

Actually, once you gave birth the truth was you became a parent forever.

There was no day when it was no longer the focus of your life.

What was better? Expend a lot of energy fussing around trying to make your adult children live a decent life like you wanted them to , or pretend they didn't exist except when they visited and escaped back home as soon as humanly possible?

Would I be any happier being an 'Esme' rather than a 'Renee'? Her boys had the ability to make her so happy or to make her weep with frustration. Mom had avoided that by leaving, and only being a mother in name only for most of each year. She got to be the parent who fussed and spoiled me in access visits, and never had to do the hard slog like Charlie had. She'd never really gotten to know me at all.

I slipped outside and watched Edward as he lay on a recliner beside the pool with Tom curled up against his chest and wondered how long it would be until I caught up to where he was at.

We had a lot of issues to work through before we did anything permanent, and that was simply the truth.

I could no longer imagine my life without him in it, but things needed to change and evolve...I needed to change and become the woman he wanted me to be.

If I couldn't, and if he couldn't accept what I offered, one of us would have to walk away and that was the last thing I wanted to happen. Been there, done that.

He saw me and called me over to join them , and I lay snuggled at his side as his arm surrounded my shoulders, and hoped to God one day soon I would have an epiphany of my own and be as keen to give him the child he craved as he was to become a father.

X~x~X

EPOV

One week had turned into two and now three. It seemed the weather had affected everyone, including those residents of Boston with murder on their mind, and there were still no dead bodies in our patch.

Marcus had called each Friday and encouraged us to stay in Forks with our families, to take advantage of what was quite a rare long run of no fatalities brought about deliberately. The other squads were busy as usual, so in this instance we were lucky to be on Murder Squad.

Forgeries and insider trading and embezzlements still flourished, but if anyone was killing anyone else, nobody knew about it yet. We rarely got a break, so we took his advice.

Bella was at Charlie's spending some father/daughter bonding time seeing Sue had other things to attend to on the Res.

I hadn't insisted on going with Bella, in case she felt I was smothering her because we rarely left one another's side.

She seemed to be happy; I hoped she was happy.

We had managed to have the odd day and night where we didn't give in and make love; but they were definitely rarer than the days and nights we did. We couldn't help it, the urge and need to be as connected and close as humanly possible was always there to some degree.

As I suspected before we first touched, we could never get enough of one another, and she was always on my mind even when she wasn't at my side.

We slept at Charlie's some nights but more often here. Bella felt more able to relax without her father sleeping in the next room, so I agreed immediately whenever she decided she wanted us to stay with my family.

With all of us but Emmett partnered, nobody spared a thought about what the others were doing because we were all too busy doing that same thing ourselves. As was my older brother, only he was doing it in various bedrooms in the town with whoever offered.

I admit I wanted to convince him to convert to this way of life that I now embraced. There was no comparison between crawling into bed with some stranger and laying in the arms of the woman you loved and adored.

Sex became meaningful, and every encounter was another chance to show her how much I loved her. I loved it when she clenched, but in truth, even if she hadn't , it would have been enough.

She fascinated me constantly, and the only stumbling block I had encountered, strangely came about when she was asleep.

I took advantage of Bella's absence to play with Tom and maybe ask Alice about the niggling worry I had.

The sun was shining and she was outside in the backyard, without Jasper for a change.

Alice appeared to be just amusing Tom, as she dug in the sand pit we'd made for him, but I could tell she was wanting to talk to me, as well.

I waited, letting her begin the conversation, piling up sand and patting it firmly to make castles that Tom then enjoyed knocking down.

"Edward, we are friends, right?"

"Sure," I replied.

"I know I'm probably the least qualified person to say this but you need to slow down."

"In what way?" I asked.

"Bella is feeling overwhelmed and when that happens, she runs or closes down. I don't want to see either of those happen."

"Alice, if you are talking about the engagement ring, it's not how you think it is. We talked about it, and decided it didn't have to mean we were committing ourselves to anything by her accepting it. I just needed my family to know I am serious about her. They've been sitting back waiting for three years and in that time, I've just messed about with randoms. They would never believe I've changed if I hadn't made a grand gesture. Bella knows it means something different to them than it does to us."

"So, what does it mean to you?" she asked.

"It just means we hope we have a future together, and we will both explore that possibility, while remaining monogamous."

"But that's just having a relationship. People do that everyday and they don't put a ring on it. The ring is supposed to signify you have already done the waiting and mind searching, and come to a conclusion. Clearly you two haven't. I don't understand."

"I want to look at Bella and see that symbol on her finger and know I put it there, even though we will not be announcing anything at work. I imagine the others will assume she has been dating someone for a while and he's now made his intentions clear.

That way we can both work together, in fact, it will remove the suspicions they harbour that we are more together than we admit. I'm doing this to give Bella space and time."

"And you couldn't have just sat back and waited?"

I shrugged.

"How well did you know Riley?" I asked her.

"Pretty well. Bella and I were close friends always, so I was often at their place," she said warily. "You do know they lived together for nearly three years? Bella only moved into the little apartment alone after Riley decided they needed to test the strength of their relationship, and he didn't think they could do so living together."

"I do know he was her lover," I assured her. "But he was more than that, wasn't he? When I transferred in, I could see how happy he made her."

"Before he walked away without a single goodbye and nearly killed her, you mean," Alice replied.

"Alice, I was there with a front row seat for that. I was with Bella in her apartment, the night before he caught his plane out. We both got a little drunk together and I stayed the night to make sure she got through it."

"You slept with her?" Alice said in surprise.

"No, I slept on top of her bed and held her while she slept in her covers," I replied. "She cried a lot that night and kept calling out his name. It was pretty grim."

"Well, she did love him and she thought he was going to do a 'grand gesture' of his own before going undercover."

"Does Bella still talk about him to you?" I asked.

"Rarely. Why? I thought you two were trying to progress and be the real thing, so why does Riley matter?"

"She hasn't let go of him. Sure, she started dating useless idiots as a way to cope with his abandonment of her, but I am sure he is still holding her back and coming between us. It's hard to explain. I always knew there would be something between Bella and I, and it happened slowly. Then one day I just knew.

She is in denial and says she never saw it coming, but how could she not? She's the female; they always know first. I'm the oblivious male who changed from blondes to brunettes because my ideal morphed from 'Barbie' to a beautiful little brunette who changed me. I didn't know why, at the time. Blondes were suddenly boring and I didn't feel attracted to them, but any brown eyed girl with hair like Bella's...see, oblivious male. It took a smack in the face epiphany to wake me up and make me see I wanted her and only her. She agreed to be my sex partner but I only asked her to be that in the hope it would change how she saw me. And it did. She loves me now, Alice."

"Then why don't you just relax and let this happen at it's own pace?"

I stood up and paced a few steps to the right, then back. My whole body felt wired.

"I think Riley is going to come back soon."

"So? Bella would never give him a second chance. He hurt her so badly. "

"Exactly. He had the power to crush her and change her from a girl who only dated men she liked, and wanted real relationships with, to one who was busy dating guys who were the opposite to what she liked. She made very sure she was not mixing with anyone she might spark with, and want more from. In her own way, she used those men just like I used the women.

Maybe she dressed it up prettier than I did, but I could have told every single one of them they were wasting their time. How does that make it different to what I did?"

"But that doesn't translate to her still having feelings for Riley."

"Why didn't she choose men she liked? Was it because she feared trying and failing again or was it because she is still waiting for him to return? I know she is nowhere near ready to get engaged to me, but I needed some way to get her to agree to monogamy. When he returns, I want her to pause and think about our agreement and not let him lure her back into his bed. I don't want to lose her, Alice."

"But if she loves you, she won't go with him, she'll choose you."

"If she loves me..." I echoed.

"You aren't sure?" she cried.

"There have been times when I have felt very, very sure, sometimes for days on end, but you probably already know this, Alice...she talks in her sleep."

"Oh. That. I don't think she has any control over what she says when she's asleep."

"Exactly. But does that mean what she says is just meaningless babble or does it mean she's relaxed and the truth can emerge?"

"I can see why you wonder. It was handy for me because I always knew what she had bought me for my birthdays or Christmas. We'd have a sleepover, and I'd cross whatever gift she had admitted in her slumber that she'd bought, off my wishlist."

"So what she said was the truth?"

"Mmm, I guess so. I always acted surprised, but yeah, she always gave me what she had said she would in her sleep."

"But she also talked about Riley?"

"We shared a place before they moved in together and every night I got the updates for how they were progressing. It was like listening to a reality tv show. She still talks about him?"

"Often," I replied.

"Well, that's only to be expected. They were a couple for a long time, and I did think they were pretty well matched at the beginning. They weren't perfect, any more than any two people can be. He was a little controlling at times, and she was too stubborn for her own good."

"Tell me what really happened. No normal, sane guy who is in love with a girl like Bella could just up and go. She's not an idiot; if he was on a vastly different page to her, she would know."

"He did want the same things she did. At first, anyway. They were wrapped up in their little bliss bubble for nearly three years.

Then Riley changed.

To be honest, I saw the split coming, even if Bella didn't. Riley turned thirty and his priorities changed. Before his birthday, he seemed absolutely determined to make sure they got the future he had planned. Her career was as important as his, and he was proud of her, even when she ranked above him. They had decided to buy an apartment as much like Marcus's one as possible. Half the money she had in her account came from Riley but he deposited it in her name. I had no idea how much they had saved up together, all the same. They both earned big bucks, and budgeted.

He was always worried that something might happen to him, and she'd be left without the funds to have the things he wanted her to have. He always said she deserved the best. They had a life plan worked out. Work hard for eleven months of the year and reward themselves with vacations abroad every December. No family Christmases. They would be all the family they needed, themselves. Bella has never really liked other people's children, apart from the twins and Tom."

"He is a great kid," I assured her.

"Then things changed."

"What changed?"

"His sister had a baby. No big deal, one would think, but Riley was a changed man from the moment that child took it's first breath. He helped deliver it. Long story. Layney is a single mom with a long missing baby father. Aren't we all," she chuckled. For Alice, the absence of the donor of half her child's DNA had changed into a positive now.

"Bella was at work, and Riley was in the office, but on standby for his sister. She called and said it was time, so off he went. They were on their way to hospital and got caught out. Car broke down in a snow drift. There was no way the baby was behaving and waiting until they got to a nice sterile Delivery Room to make an appearance. So, instead of professionals with emergency equipment standing by, she pushed herself out into her uncle's waiting hands and stole his heart in an even more permanent way than Bella had.

The rescue truck arrived and took Layney and her baby daughter to the hospital, but it was too late.

Riley had been bewitched.

He had sat there cuddling that baby, slid inside his shirt front to keep it warm with his body heat, for nearly an hour, and he bonded with her in a way that nobody will ever break. I guess it was the first time he had ever been up close and personal to a real baby. All his preconceived ideas about babies were erased.

Before that day, he just saw them as loud, damp nuisances that spoilt your fun and he had forced his opinions onto Bella, over time.

Now in one single hour, everything changed.

He actually loved that the baby needed him so completely to protect her and keep her safe. He felt like a man. He discovered why he was here, on Earth. To be the most important person in the life of somebody he had helped bring into the world.

I know, it sounds ridiculous, seeing he soon went off and left her as well and as far as I know, he hasn't seen his niece in all this time, either, but she changed him. She made him want a child of his own. He wanted to hold another infant, one he created and got to raise.

Bella was blind sided of course. She never saw it coming. Riley left in the morning despising all children and came home that night wanting one of his own, with no explanation. He just expected Bella to instantly comply.

She didn't understand what had happened. She'd spent years trying to be exactly what he wanted and now he'd changed his requirements.

She never saw those moments when he was completely enthralled and vulnerable, and absolutely driven to want a child himself. He wanted to feel those feelings again, forever, for his own daughter. . He morphed into a potential father and Bella had no clue. She arrived and looked at a generic baby wrapped in hospital blankets from behind a glass viewing window. To her, it was not a major life changing event, not like it had been for Riley.

He was disappointed and enraged when she didn't just flick her own switch and morph into wanting what he now wanted her to want.

He never tried to explain to her how his entire world had been changed and now he wanted something more...ordinary. He still wanted Bella, in fact, he would have married her in a heartbeat if she had just instantly agreed to accept a different future to the one they had planned."

"He wanted her to stop working and have kids," I stated.

"Yes. He'd been through an epiphany. It wasn't his niece he loved as much as the idea that he could father a baby just like her, and Bella didn't instantly agree. She'd become so used to the future they'd planned earlier, she needed time to adapt. But he wasn't willing to wait.

He wanted Bella to want what he now wanted, and although he really did love her, Edward, she was thrown at this new concept. Riley decided she would never change, and that he couldn't have both the woman he loved and the life he wanted.

He wasn't willing to give her time to adjust, or to talk about how their life could still be good, just different to how she had been brainwashed into wanting it to be. He was like a spoiled child, expecting her to just change and comply with his new wishes like she always had before. So, he walked.

He convinced himself she was shallow and unnatural, and made it appear that she was rejecting an ordinary, proper, respectful life that every woman should want, in his new opinion, whereas before he had been all about women having careers and not 'wasting their lives' raising kids just because society expected them to, once upon a time. New game, new rules.

I think he went undercover to create a gap; a distance between his life with her, and the new life he plans to embrace when he comes out. Obviously not with the woman he always thought would become his wife, but with someone else who wants a home and a family and a picket fence.

All Bella has ever wanted is her career. She can trust it to remain constant and not suddenly demand she changes. She has no confidence that she could ever be a good mother. It's as if she thinks being a disinterested, neglectful parent is in her genes, and she will definitely be just like Renee if she ever has a child of her own. The way Renee has always been toward her is all she knows about mothers and daughters.

Along came Riley, declaring he never wanted children, so she saw him as her ideal partner. She wanted Riley as her husband, but suddenly he had changed, and she realized she really only wanted the old Riley. If he reverted to what he had been, before his epiphany, she would feel safe again. He had to be happy to settle for the life they'd agreed on and wanted, not the new one beckoning him.

Becoming a mother would test Bella in ways that just scare her. If she ever takes that plunge, it would only be with a man who would willingly guide her and forgive her any mistakes she made along the way. And he needs to be an outstanding parent to make up for her flaws.

She didn't think Riley was that man. He'd changed so completely, without warning. She was afraid he may change back, and want the freedom of a child free life again when it was too late, and she'd become the only parent in charge of a child she wasn't sure she even deserved to have, with nobody to help her.

He'll be back, but not for her. Don't worry about it. Riley will come home one day and meet someone new and settle down, and he will probably ask Bella to be Godmother to his kids. He'll always love her in a way, but she couldn't change to become what he needed. It's just one of those situations where compromise couldn't work, so he did what he needed to do, to get over her, and move on.

If he stayed, one of them would have given in in the end and he wanted her to have the future she craved just as much as he wanted his own choice. He did it for both of them, so they could both be happy and not live with regrets. I was surprised he managed to go through with it at all. I would have put my money on him giving in and forgoing children. It was a new desire, and she ad been what he desired for years. He loved her so much. He never wanted to go without one last night holding her, but had he gone to her apartment, he would have caved.

He knew what he had to do for the both of them, but he would never have managed to stick with his resolve if he was there with her, face to face. He never could stand to see her cry. It tore his heart to shreds when she wasn't happy. But he didn't want to lose himself and become her puppet, letting her make all the decisions. He wanted a child; she didn't. In the end, he wanted a child more than he wanted her, but that does not mean he loved her any less than he always had.

I guess he figured this was the only way he could bear to leave her. Completely. A clean break, but when it came to the crunch, he couldn't face her. She has no idea about this, but he visited me the night he was supposed to be saying goodbye to her."

I stared at her in disbelief.

"Don't look at me like that. There was nothing romantic or sexual involved. He needed someone to talk to, and I know them both better than anyone else. You may not believe this, Edward, but he never wanted to hurt Bella. He was between a rock and a hard place. Sometimes we do things to save ourselves, and that's what Riley did.

He knew he was taking the coward's way out, but if he'd had to tell her face to face, he knew he would have changed his mind and stayed with her, and been stuck in a life he no longer wanted, and be agreeing to forgo the life he really longed for. Or pushing her into a life she wasn't sure she wanted. Sometimes you have to choose, and he made his choice. He wants to be a husband _and_ father, and Bella couldn't guarantee to offer him that option.

He didn't want to spend time trying to talk her around, and he knew the only way to force himself to walk away was to do something this drastic. He hopes that when he comes back, he will be able to be her friend, and that neither of them will still have regrets. He's hoping he let her down enough for her to have moved on. He wants her to be happy, but he also wants to be happy himself. Together, one of them had to miss out on what they wanted.

He's as stubborn as she is. He did love her, Edward, but he wanted a life she couldn't give him. It's been a long time , I'm sure she is completely over him."

"She worries about him and it's obvious she still cares for him," I answered.

"But she worries about me and cares about me too," Alice said.

"And why is that, Alice? Because she loves you."

Alice raised her eyebrows, and thought about it.

"You have a point," she said. "What are you going to do? Can you settle for the life she wants? A wife devoted to her career, and no kids. Don't let her invest too heavily in another dead end, Edward. She won't change, so only keep this relationship going if you want her as she is, and want what she wants."

I stopped pacing. I could accept a child free future, but would she still choose me when he returned?

"What if he's had a change of heart while he's been away? Whatever case he's involved in may have made him think again. I know whenever I see the inhumanity one person inflicts on another, it makes me doubt that the future is one we should be bringing innocent children into. But I've read every generation ever documented felt that way. In World War 1, for instance, people lost so many family members and friends,some were reluctant to go on and have children, knowing they could just be giving birth to future cannon fodder.

We have to have faith that this life is worth the many risks."

"I believe this world is a worthwhile place to take the chance. I hope Jasper and I end up with more kids. There are still far more decent human beings alive, than monsters. But then, I have to tell myself that, because Tom is here. He's not some abstract idea I may or may not act on one day to bring to fruition. I have to hope his future is as bright or brighter than my own. I pray it will be brighter, and I'm doing all I can to make that happen. But I can understand why Bella thinks this world is unworthy of her children. Every time she has placed her complete trust in anyone, they have let her down, badly.

I'm so glad you two found one another. You are the best thing that has ever happened to her and she does know it, Edward. She won't go back to him, even if he arrives home crawling on his bended knees, begging her forgiveness."

"It bothers me even more now, that he left her for her own good. I guess all I can do is try and replace him in her life, and fill in the space he left in her heart.. Use this time to bind her to me as tightly as I can before he comes home. I don't have a timeline so I have no idea how much time I have. He could stay away for another year and that would be excellent because I think I could have us engaged in the true sense by then, but on the other hand, he could be waiting when we go back next week for all I know."

xxxx

I couldn't stop my brain as it wandered, throwing up all the conflicts we had been through already, after this short time. Even the Jasper and Alice thing showed how differently we thought.

She believed people had to make their own choices and what I did to bring them together was manipulative. She pointed out they would have met one day, anyway, without my interference, simply because our lives were becoming more and more entwined. She would have preferred they saw one another across a crowded room at some party we Cullens were having, and been drawn naturally toward one another.

Pushing them together as I had, in the state they were each in, it was possible they were overlooking their differences and only seeing their commonalities.

"Have you considered you may have set them both up for more heartbreak?" she had asked me one day when I was smirking at the two of them kissing and congratulating myself for bringing them together.

Even if they were not one hundred percent perfect, they _had_ to be better for one another than James and Maria had been, so what was the problem? Jasper would not stay with Alice just because I thought they were great together.

He didn't leave Maria because I saw her as the worst choice possible for him, so why would he change now?

But the point was, Bella did not like game playing. What I saw as helping, she saw as interfering. We shared a lot in common but there were differences, as well. As long as they were differences we could live with, it would be okay.

xxxx

Bella arrived back from her Dad's in time for lunch and I took her hand as we sat side by side.

"Should we be organizing an engagement party?" Mom asked. "I didn't expect you two to be here anywhere near this long. Do you think you will still be here next week?"

I stared intently into space and Esme slapped me.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm reading the mind of every male and some of the females in Boston, checking to see if they have plans to kill next week. How would I know, Mom? Marcus could call us back any day now. We have been lucky to have three whole weeks."

"So, maybe we could plan it then change it into some other party if you two have gone," she debated with herself. "Maybe a welcome party for Tom now we finally have gotten to meet him."

Jaz laughed, amused by our parents completely wrong conclusion that Tom was his, but willing to let them dream.

Esme was beyond thrilled. No matter who produced the first actual Cullen grandchild, Tom would always have that spot already.

"I'm not really ready for an engagement party," Bella announced, and Alice raised an eyebrow at me.

"Neither am I, Mom. We promise to tell you when you can do that but maybe for now a party for Tom would be best."

Esme gave me the same look she had given me in the past when she had asked me if I knew I was in love with Bella and I had denied it. She believed the lie the ring announced, and was confused why Bella and I were engaged if we were not ready to openly celebrate the fact.

I wished Marcus would call and get us out of here before things came to a head and Bella threw the ring back at me for misleading everyone in my family.

It was between just the two of us.

I didn't think we owed them any explanations.

X~x~X

My hope materialized overnight and the next day we packed and returned to work. Nothing had happened but we could not be on vacation forever. There was always paperwork.

Marcus' eyes honed in on Bella's left hand and he looked quizzically from her to me.

I held out my own hand, revealing the prop I had decided would divert the truth for a while.

"Yes, team, I got married, and Bella got engaged. You may form an orderly line to congratulate us. I hope you will all get to meet my wife one day soon but she's overseas with her job at the moment."

"You got married?" several disbelieving voices asked.

"It was time," I informed them. "I'm too old now to be wasting my life hooking up. I know you all have doubts that any marriage can last in this job but I'm giving it my best shot. I love my wife and she makes me want something more than I've ever wanted before."

"I have fifty bucks that says you will have forgotten your vows within six months," someone from the back yelled.

"Put me down for a grand that says otherwise," I replied.

All day I copped playful ribbing about my 'marriage' but it had the result I wanted, and once he day ended, the rest of the guys went to the bar without me. I got a few cheeky comments about me being under the thumb and such, but at least now I had a reason not to accompany them, and if I avoided bars, they would come to accept I was no longer hooking up.

Marcus called Bella into his office and she was bursting to discuss what had transpired inside that room.

We got into the carpark and said goodbye and left separately, even though we ended up at the same destination; her apartment.

"So, what did the Boss say?" I asked her as we travelled upstairs in her private elevator.

"He asked me if I wanted a desk job or if my fiance was okay with us two continuing to be partners...I assured him my Prince Charming was cool with us."

"Did he ask you who your Prince is?"

"Nope. I just said he was an old flame relit, and he was happy with that. He did say he was surprised it wasn't you, so we definitely have given some of them the impression we were lovers."

"As we are," I replied.

We'd barely changed anything in the way we acted at work, except I'd been on my phone a few times, talking in a hushed tone to Alice, Esme and even Charlie, who was confused why I was talking to him that way.

A couple of the guys teased me about checking in with my wife, but whatever. I was a man in love and they could see that for themselves. Better they had a wife to attribute that to, even if she was imaginary.

Bella and I prepared dinner together and curled up in her bed soon afterwards, shedding our rings onto the side table as our mouths and bodies met.

Later as I washed my hair in the shower as Bella sat drying hers in the bedroom, I heard her cell ring and she walked out of the room once she answered it.

It could be anyone, but I feared it was the one person I had hoped would stay far away for another year or so yet.

Sure enough, Bella's sleep talking was all about Riley that night, and all I could do was hold her and hope she saw us as committed enough to be worth fighting for if he was back.


	9. Chapter 9

**Oh yeah, it's true, I did get kicked off my 'Zosie' username for 'plagerizing' my own story, but I knew it was bad to have it up on 2 users at once so whatever. I never did get put up story number 50 there. I'll put it here instead. Bad Kismetian/Zosie, whatever. Now I'm Elle.**

It's Murder

Chapter 9

BPOV

"What happened?" I demanded as I tore into Marcus' office. Unfortunately, our deception had made him suspicious, and suddenly I was doing very safe and menial tasks until he convinced himself I wasn't pregnant. I guess he figured there was no other reason I would have suddenly become engaged to some faceless stranger that nobody here had ever seen me with or heard me talk about.

I'd been returning to the building after being out buying Marcus his special coffee from the shop down the corner when I saw the commotion. Something had gone down, and Edward had been out alone. I just knew he was the victim.

"He's okay, the bullet exited the wound cleanly and doesn't seem to have hit anything too important," my Boss assured me.

"Edward's been _shot,_" I cried in disbelief. "I have to go to him. Where is he?"

"He's in the hospital. Actually it's his leg that is necessitating he be kept in, not the bullet wound."

"What happened to his leg?" I screamed.

"After he got shot, he sort of twisted it as he went down. Snapped the bone like a twig."

I shuddered at the image.

"I thought you said this was a routine check and he wouldn't need the backup of a partner."

"Bella, it seemed like that. We just needed a couple of things signed by the witness and we had no idea she was involved in anything illegal."

He took my arm protectively as we hurried down to the underground carpark.

"What exactly happened?" I asked more quietly. My heart was thumping in my chest and I refused to entertain any thoughts of the few times we'd gotten someone with seemingly minor injuries to an ER only to have them collapse and die because of some further, non obvious problem.

"Edward rang her doorbell and her tweaker boyfriend mistook him for the Drug Squad and shot through the door. He stepped back from the force of the blow and fell down a couple of steps and twisted his leg.

A passerby called 911 before he hit the ground, but the ambo's had to wait for the actual Drug Squad to secure the scene before they could get to him. Honestly, Bella, his condition is stable. He'll be out of action for a while but I'm sure we can find him a nice safe desk to pilot until he recovers."

"I don't want another partner, so leave me on coffee fetching duty," I answered back. Suddenly I was glad I'd been taken off active duty.

"Actually, I have a proposition for you but first I want the truth," Marcus stated.

"And what truth would that be, Marcus? If you have something to ask, say it out loud.".

"Actually, what I meant was, are you pregnant or are you available for active duty? I have an assignment for you but there's no way you are taking it if you do indeed have a passenger on board."

Marcus would never openly defy my right to work at my usual job while pregnant but there's no way he'd allow me to be in any sort of danger either. I'd seen it before when we had other females on the squad. They announced their happy news and suddenly Marcus needed old records researched, and their former partners were assigned 'temporary' replacements until the woman in question waddled off on Maternity Leave. Apparently having a baby affected your intelligence so he had to be the one deciding what you could and could not do.

"You know me better than that. I never thought I'd ever be wearing a ring on my finger, that's a big enough commitment for me for the next five years. I'm hardly going to charge into motherhood."

"Good. It may be nothing, but we have lost contact with one of our undercover people. If he fails to make contact in the next week or so, I've been asked to provide someone to go in and just observe from a distance and see if he's okay and just breaking off the connection for safety's sake. As you know, sometimes it's just too risky to call in. Maybe he has a flatmate and can't find time to be alone. It could be as simple as that. I'm not asking you to go in guns blazing and rescue him. He may not even need rescuing."

"It's Riley, isn't it?" I asked.

"It is. I'm only asking you because I'm sure whatever he may look like now, you will still recognise him. We don't have the luxury of any recent photographs. The old ones of him looking like a banker are not going to resemble him after all this time."

"Marcus, for God's sake, this is hardly the time. Edward's been shot. There's no way I'm going anywhere. I need to know he is in fact okay, no matter what you have told me. I'm taking a week off, Edward will need me by his side and believe me, if I'm forced to go to work, I will be useless to you. I'll be on my phone all day talking to him."

"So concerned for your work partner. What's your fiancé going to think about this?"

"Edward is my only concern at the moment."

"Speaking of which, how can I get in contact with his wife? He hasn't updated his personnel file details. You are still his emergency contact."

"She's overseas. Australia or somewhere just as remote. I'll contact her," I babbled, almost confusing myself. Edward had not warned me about his mythical wife before he announced her existence at work.

"You did say he's not in a serious condition, right? Nothing she would have to fly back for?"

"No, Bella, he is fine. I guess you will do as his stand-in wife, you have always played that role anyway. To be honest, I thought you two were engaged. It was a shock to me that you both had other partners. I hope you know what you are doing. Your connection with him seems a lot more real than the one between you and Riley Biers."

"Silly me, thinking what Riley and I shared was real. It certainly seemed real for the three years we were together. I do get your point though. Edward's different. He's important to me. He's special."

"Then what the fuck are you two doing marrying other people? If you ask me, this is a shit storm waiting to happen. He will never stand by and watch you walk down the aisle to someone else. I imagine you were not invited to his wedding. That would have been dangerous. I can imagine you tackling the blushing bride as she walked towards him. What's she like, this Marie?"

"She's the luckiest girl in the world and doesn't deserve him," I said shortly, ending the conversation.

I jumped from the car as Marcus pulled into the parking lot, and ran for the front door of the tall white building, not believing for one minute that Edward as as stable and relatively unhurt as our Boss made out. Visions crowded inside my head of him barely clinging to life. Of me, being left alone yet again.

I barely noticed the others in his room as I frantically found his door, and headed for the figure propped up in the bed, his leg raised in some sort of traction sling. At first I fought against the arms that suddenly surrounded me, keeping me from the man whose arms I needed to be inside.

"Let her go, Emmett," Edward said, noticing my distress at being kept from him.

"I was just thinking seeing you are an old married man and all, and the fact your Boss is walking towards this room , that maybe you two would want time to think about acting appropriately. You are merely co-workers after all," he reminded us.

I pushed past him; at this particular moment in time the charade was meaningless.

"Okay, then I guess I go head off Marcus and tell him you are otherwise occupied," Emmett said with a wink, placing the 'Treatment in Progress, Do Not Enter' sign on the door before closing it behind him as I threw myself into Edward's waiting arms.

"God, Edward, are you okay? Really? They checked everything? You didn't hit your head when you fell? Did they do a full body imaging?"

"Don't fuss, I'm fine. I'll be sprung in a couple of days," he assured me, kissing my lips hungrily.

My heartbeat slowed back toward a more normal range as I saw for myself that he was fine. As fine as he could be in the circumstances, anyway.

When he pulled away, his face was a mass of expressions. To my shock, he looked surprised at my reaction to his injuries, as if he really had not believed how completely I loved him before this moment. However, he also looked pleased as well. That he mattered so very much to me was gratifying to him.

Also, he had been as anxious as I had, for me to be there.

"What? I already admitted I love you more than my own life, why so shocked?" I stuttered as his hands wove through my hair.

"I guess I'm surprised. You keep telling me I'm moving too fast but the way you looked running into this room, I believe had Emmett been a preacher or a JP, you'd be agreeing to marry me right now."

"I feared you were more badly injured than Marcus let on. Edward, you could have been killed. I can't believe this happened. I was so scared I'd lost you forever. "

"And that would have really devastated you? Nice to know," he smirked.

"Don't joke or make light of this. I suddenly know for sure that you are the only thing that matters. If you want to come clean and announce we are together, go ahead. I don't care any more. I'll transfer to whatever department will take me. The job is nothing compared to us being together."

"Really, Bella? This is a little unexpected. Are you sure this is what you want? You aren't just overreacting because I got shot?"

"You have epiphanies, why can't I have them too? Suddenly everything is absolutely clear to me. I would not, could not, exist in a world without you. It's just the truth."

He cradled my face in his hands and looked deeply into my eyes, seeing the truth there.

"Bella, I would never leave you."

He brushed the tears from my cheeks and kissed my forehead softly.

"I could no more live without you than it appears you could survive without me. That's epic news. It makes the whole getting shot thing worthwhile."

"But I already admitted I love you," I replied, confused.

"I guess I had my doubts about how much, but not any more."

"I'm sorry you ever doubted me. It makes sense, though. I guess I've always hidden how deeply I love you, even from myself."

I have never felt as vulnerable before, than in that moment. Edward held all the power. He could make me the happiest woman on the planet or kill me by walking away. Like Riley had, or Renee before him. Their going had never made me feel like this, though. Like life was completely meaningless without them. Sure, I'd grieved for them both but if I'd lost Edward today, my devastation would have been absolute. There would have been no coming back. No making a new life afterwards. I knew this as surely as I knew my own name.

I sat up and faced him, and he saw the truth as clearly as I did.

"I will l do all I can to make sure nothing ever takes me away from you," he promised.

But even he had no control over that. A thirteen cent bullet had almost taken him from me today and it could happen again, at any time. Especially if we stayed in this career.

This lousy, stinking career that used to be all I cared about. Now it had become my enemy, instead of my salvation. Once it had saved me, now it seemed like the biggest threat to our future, a bigger threat than even my earlier doubts and hesitations to let Edward inside my heart in the way he wanted. I had been kidding myself. He was my everything. My career was meaningless if I lost him.

It would not keep me warm at night if it tore Edward away from me.

"I think I want to quit. I wonder if that library still needs an assistant," I voiced out loud.

"Bella, don't rush out and do something reckless because of this little incident," Edward said warningly. "Give yourself time to calm down and keep this in perspective. You loved your career before this happened, and you will love it again."

"No, Edward, it's different now. It could take you from me and steal away our future. I want us both to do something safer."

"Safer means boring," he replied.

" I can handle boring, if boring is what it takes to keep you alive and at my side."

A knock sounded at the door and I reluctantly stood up and sat down in the visitor's chair, allowing Edward to decide what he said, if anything, to Marcus. I would go ahead and keep to our cover story if that was what he chose, or 'come out of the closet 'if he preferred. I no longer cared who knew what.

"Edward, you're alive! Still in the land of the living, then," Marcus said, holding out his hand to my partner as he entered the room and walked towards the bed.

Edward grinned and shook his hand as Emmett appeared at my side.

"Come grab a coffee with me, Bellarina. The Boss Man wants to discuss some heavy stuff with my bro, and we need to catch up."

Yeah, because it had been so long since we chatted. A matter of days, in actual fact, but I complied and left with him to give Edward privacy to make up his own mind of where we went from here.

We went the long route, on our way to the snack bar, and that meant we passed the Nursery viewing window. Emmett stopped and grinned at the babies on the other side of the glass, tapping his fingers against it to attract their attention. It surprised me, to see him so fascinated.

"Look at that cool little dude. He looks tough, right?"

"He's a newborn. I don't think tough comes into it. He looks tiny and vulnerable to me," I answered.

"No, Bella, he's tough. He survived the hazardous journey into this world and I overheard the nurses talking about him. His father died months ago. He's the Man Of The House already. He has a Mom to look after."

"You have that around the wrong way, Emmett. Surely she is here to look after him."

"But he is all she has left of her husband, Bella. This little guy is what is keeping her going. They were soulmates, apparently. Blissfully in love and then Daddy gets himself killed by a drunk driver and if not for him; if not for this little baby boy, Mommy would have jumped off a cliff or something. But she knew he was growing inside her, and would be a part she got to keep of her man. She stayed alive for this child, because he is also the child of the only man she has ever loved."

I stepped closer and looked at the baby with greater interest now.

If the unspeakable had happened today, I had no doubt I would have been tottering on a cliff edge about now. But if I had Edward's child waiting for me at home, I would not have even considered ending myself. Not while that child lived and breathed, and kept apart of Edward here alive.

I finally got it. Why people had kids. Because kids were part of the person they loved.

I want small babes with copper hued hair and green eyes and long piano player fingers.

I held my hand up against the glass and smiled at the tiny wrinkled face. He had saved a life by just existing.

"I want Edward's babies," I said without censoring.

"Hmm, well that would be tricky with him 'married to another woman' and all," Emmett laughed. "You two are so pathetic. Just stand up and admit you love one another and let the cards fall however they will. It feels like High School, all this pretending. Just tell Marcus you want your man and your career and if he boots one of you out, live with it. All this subterfuge is just drama class bullshit."

"You are so right, Emmett. When did you become the wise one?" I chuckled.

We sat across the table from one another and held the hot paper cups of coffee in our hands and grinned.

"So, you gonna grow up and come clean to Marcus, then?" he asked.

"If you grow up and start actually dating women and ask them their names before you bed them," I replied. I didn't really have any great objections to how he lived, just an underlying desire for him to discover how much better his life could be if he searched for a connection that was more than just physical.

"I've spent years avoiding the same things you are avoiding and it's really pointless in the long run. Edward is all I care about and if I'd lost him today, there would be no meaning in my life now. Even if we hadn't gotten together, his death would still have shattered me in a way that would have meant I would have nothing to live for any more."

"We all knew you two knuckle-heads loved one another all these years, it beats me how you two had no idea."

"I can't explain it, Emmett. I guess there truly are none so blind as those who will not see. He's always been my best friend, and I've always loved him. But now it's like my blinkers have been taken away and I can see the whole Edward for the first time. He's more than a pretty face and a warm body in my bed. He's everything I never knew I wanted. I'm not sure how we do this but I just want to go home to Forks and build a picket fence and fill our house with small Edward babies."

"I think he wants the same thing. He's just nervous to admit it, in case he scares you away. You being the career woman and all."

"Not any more. I want him, now, today. I know Edward thinks this is just an overreaction but everything's changed. Even if in years to come I grow to regret chucking my job in, I know I can live with that a lot easier than making a far bigger mistake and losing Edward. As long as I have him, whatever else I have will be enough."

Emmett grinned and put his hand over mine as I lay it on the tabletop.

"You two are so lucky. I'm glad you finally get that. True love is a rare and beautiful thing. Even I know that. Nobody knows me, Bella, the real me. They all see the playboy but there's more to me. It's not that I'm not looking for a connection, you know. I've been searching for my special girl for a long time, and it seems like maybe she doesn't exist. I'm not saying I'm not happy playing the field, but I know it's not real, Bella. I know it's just a substitute for a meaningful life. I want kids. I want a wife and a family, too. I want someone to pull an 'Alice' out of their hat like you did for Jasper. Come on, out of all your friends are you sure there isn't one with my name on her?"

"I don't have a whole lot of friends, actually. I wish I did, for you."

I truly did.

xxxx

Marcus had gone when we got back to the room and Emmett left us alone to talk. I tossed him my keys and told him to make himself comfortable in Jasper's supposed bedroom and just to move whatever the man had left in there into Alice's room once and for all. Even if they came back tonight, Jaz had no use for his own bedroom.

Edward seemed quiet, like he was mulling things over his mind, so I simply lay up beside him and shared body heat as his hands entwined with mine.

Finally, he spoke.

"Marcus told me about the assignment."

For a few minutes I was confused. What assignment? Oh, the Riley thing.

"Someone else can do it. I want to be here by your side, not off searching for a man who probably doesn't even want to be found. Riley can look after himself. I suspect the real reason he has broken off contact is because he likes the life he has now and never wants to return,."

"But we need to know for sure."

"Whatever. I'm sure Rose knows where he is. She's his go between."

"I don't know her. I guess she was undercover before I started in the Squad."

"She's a tough chick. I can't work out why Marcus doesn't ask her to scout around and find Riley. They keep in touch each month or so, just so they know one another is okay."

"Marcus told me they've lost contact with her as well. They need someone new to go find them both. Do you think Rose and Riley could be together?"

"Not in the way you mean," I replied confidently. Rose had a very definite type and Riley ticked none of her boxes at all. She liked them very tall and well muscled and happy. Good sense of humour and relaxed personality traits as well as a free thinking mind and no moral code at all were what my dear friend Rose liked. She was not about to hitch her cart to someone like Riley, who wanted a conventional wife and 2.5 kids. Rose was a million miles behind even where I had been when it came to domestic bliss. But then, if falling in love with Edward could change me so radically and even make me want to claw this plastic ovulation stopper from my arm so he could begin a baby inside me, how could I predict how much Rose could change when she met her One?

Besides, Riley had this hang up about numbers and Rose's number would cause his brain to explode. He had told me he could never consider dating a girl who couldn't count her partners on one hand, and even an octopus had too few hands to count up the men who had visited Rose's bed.

She would never apologize for her sexual 'indiscretions' to any man. He had to have the nads to accept her for what she was and not expect her to knock a nought off her number to make it acceptable and respectable.

Aside from this, she also had no interest in any man she had to teach the finer points of fucking to. No, Rose liked experts who had been around and perfected their craft before they graced her boudoir. I missed her. It had been a long time between girls nights out with Alice and Rose.

Shit. By the time she comes back to the real world,I'll probably be tied down with a husband and dare I think it,...baby.

I wanted a couple of days to keep my epiphany to myself, to be very sure I had permanently changed and now wanted what Edward wanted, before admitting this to him. The tiny thought that maybe he was right and this was just the shock talking forced me to keep my news to myself until I rethought it through long enough to be truly sure. I wanted to present him with the new facts with one hundred percent knowledge that we were indeed on the same page before getting his hopes up.

I loved him completely and utterly and I know that won't change but how could I have gone from fearing and not liking babies, to being desperate to have one just like that? I needed to talk to Alice before formally introducing Edward to the new Bella Swan.

I needed to know this New truth was the permanent truth.

I had very few doubts and my whole body and mind felt lighter, and buzzed with anticipation about how happy my Edward would be when I told him.

"I want you to take the assignment," Edward stated.

I looked at him in surprise.

"I was thinking of quitting, actually," I began, forced to show my hand already.

"Good. And I agree. This could have ended badly. We need to step back and decide what is the most important to us both, as a couple. Maybe ask to be transferred to a squad where getting shot at is a lot more unlikely. But I think you need to face Riley and talk to him and be absolutely sure it's me you want in your future, Love. Hopefully just seeing him will give you that answer, and you'll come back and be completely mine from here on. But if you are left with doubts, then we can at least sit down and talk about what we do next."

"Edward, I had forgotten he existed. Honestly, there are no doubts in my mind when it comes to choosing between you and him. He's changed to someone who was part of my past and nothing more. I wish I could convince you of that."

"You can. Take the assignment, see him, talk to him, and come home to me and serve me up another spoonful of broccoli."

Oh, I would be doing better than that. I'd be serving him up a whole plateful.

I need him to know I want the real engagement but even more, I want the wedding and the baby. I want it all.

"I truly don't need to see Riley to be sure of how I feel about you. Comparing how I felt for him to how I feel for you now...he was a single raindrop and you are the ocean."

"Do this for me then. Marcus assures me this is a completely safe assignment and the sooner you go, the sooner you will be back in my arms."

"You are not letting go of this, are you?" I grumbled.

"Bella, I'm stuck here useless in this bed for weeks yet. Go. Make this time count for something. Once I have recovered I can assure you even a cast is not going to keep me from loving you all night long, every night. Go now, while I'm tethered up and can't play doctor and nurses with you."

"I guess it could be my very last assignment. I have to work out my notice anyway, but nothing will stop me from resigning today."

"I wouldn't dream of stopping you. I want you working somewhere safer. Just do this one thing and when you come back, the rest of our life can begin. And it will be the beginning of forever, my Love.

xxxx

**A/N REVIEW if still reading please, so I know how soon to update. Sorry for delay, new baby boy (Carter ) in the family and he's way more fascinating than writing ,lol.**

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	10. Chapter 10

It's Murder

Chapter 10

EPOV

We had one week to prepare for Bella's leaving. I knew she truly did believe she didn't need to see Riley to know that she hoped her future would be with me , but I had a nagging voice inside my head telling me to force her to face him and make an informed choice. I could not bear to hear her say in the future, that had Riley been here, she may have chosen differently. No, girls need closure, and this assignment was just the opportunity she needed to face him, and rid herself and me, of any lingering doubts.

That's how it will go down, I assured myself. She will not gaze into his eyes and remember how good they were together, and want him back. No way. I am better for her. I am making her want things she never wanted with him. That has to mean we are right together.

Bella slipped into my room and handed me a takeaway coffee. As usual, she was grinning away with what she thought was her secret, but Emmett had already spilled the beans. My girl had another male she visited in this hospital, even before she came to see me. Mind you, she only saw him through a glass window, but all the same, each day she looked so joyous after her quick visit to check on him.

"So, how is Jameson today?" I asked, and she looked at me and blushed.

"Honestly, I just go there to make sure he's okay. It's nothing," she denied.

"Bella, Emmett's just a big of a fan as you are. He must be quite some kid."

"It's just that he is so new and small and he has no idea he has to grow up without a Dad. It makes me so sad to know that. I tell myself he can't miss what he has never had, but I know what it's like to grow up with only one parent. He's going to feel different, and cheated, when his little friends in the schoolyard talk about their Dads."

"But on the other hand, he doesn't have to share his Mom with anyone. She will love him twice as much," I reassured her yet again.

"I would not have minded sharing Charlie with Renee," she sighed, settling beside me and kissing my face gently. "I want our kids to always have the comfort and reassurance that no matter what, we will both always be there to make a real two parent home for them, and provide them with whatever they need. Kids are so trusting. Once you decide to have one, you have to already have decided that child comes first, forever. That your needs do not get priority. That's why I want to wait until we are very sure we will always be together, forever. I do know you only want me to see Riley so I have no regrets, but the only regret I would ever have is if I lost you," she sighed.

"So, these kids of ours, how many are we having ?" I checked. Bella had not been specific, just edged around the subject, unable to hide her new longing to have my baby. She spoke in general terms, about 'some parents' thinking this and doing that, without ever quite admitting she was actually discussing the way she wanted to raise our own offspring.

"Two? Maybe three. I don't know. I think we will know when we have had the right number. Maybe the first one will be all we can handle," she replied, gazing into the air, her eyes unfocused. I wished I could be inside her head, reading her mind, seeing these children she was imagining.

"Maybe. I guess you have no idea how strongly you desire them until you know the reality of what it's like to raise one of your own."

"I'm not having a whole heap of them," Bella said suddenly. "Even if the first one is so amazing we want six more, or ten more. We are going to be sensible and stop as soon as we feel we have taken on a manageable amount. No matter who tries to convince us to have more. But then, if we feel we could handle a house full, then we will do that instead and ignore everyone else's opinion, okay? Surely we will come to realize how many are right for us. Even if it's less, or more, than are considered suitable these days."

I was so happy to hear her speaking this way. I had already conceded we would have the amount of children she wanted. She was the one who had to carry and give birth to them. The only problem would be if she became a baby addict and expected me to be the voice of reason and tell her enough, stop now, because to me, that was what life was all about. Having and raising a house full of kids.

Her forehead wrinkled.

"You will be an amazing mother," I said quickly, kissing her frown away. "Never doubt that."

"But I don't know how to raise a child, let alone several children. I've never had the chance to learn from my mother."

"Lucky we have Esme on hand then," I replied, taking her hand and kissing the finger that wore my ring.

Oh, we would have Esme on hand. She would probably move in with us and run the Nursery.

Speaking of my Mother, she was staying in my empty apartment, though she had informed me it now had new furniture. And Jasper and Alice and the 'grandbaby' were living with her. Emmett had decided he needed his own space and although he was staying at Bella's with her this week, he was also painting her old studio apartment to suit his own taste, having bought it from her.

I was surprised he wanted such a small place but he informed me it was just right, and that he would be keeping it on no matter how his life panned out. It would be his place to escape to, when he was in this town visiting.

I shuddered a little at how it would be furnished. I had image's of a St Andrews cross bar on one wall, and shackles on the bed frame, but whatever. It would be Emmett's playroom and there would never be any reason for me to visit. I just hoped Mom never got it into her head to go do a quick tidy up for him any time. She couldn't help herself, she was just the sort of Mother who felt it was her duty to check that her sons had clean bed sheets and food in the fridge.

But, that was Emmett's problem.

My problem was surviving this next few weeks without Bella. And forcing myself to NOT picture her in Riley's arms. She would never do that to me. Even though it was practically what I was asking her to do; to go to him and make sure. Okay, I was nervous, despite my faith in us. I'd never seen them together as a couple, and I had seen how broken Bella was when he left. We had discussed that, because that kind of reaction didn't happen when she had broken up with Mike and the others. What she had felt for Riley once was very different and much stronger. The question was, how strong? Compared to us? Nobody wept like she had that night for someone who had not held her heart in his hands.

She looked up, reading my mind in that maddening way she now managed to, even though I was shut out of hers.

"Edward, I think I was so upset when Riley left because I knew I had let him down. I couldn't be what he wanted me to be. I didn't want to try and change myself to want what he wanted, because he just wasn't special enough. Can you understand that? If he and I had stayed together, I wanted it to be on my terms. I wanted him to settle for the life I wanted, even though he wanted something more. That wasn't an option. He just wasn't worth adapting myself to his world. I know now it's because he had never been my One, and I simply did not love him enough. Nowhere near enough. I never put his wants and needs ahead of my own. Life with Riley would have been sufficient and happy enough, but only if he complied with my wishes. Do you understand?"

"I think so," I replied. She was willing to let go of her earlier hopes and dreams of how her life would be, childless and career driven, but only for me. Nobody else. Not even Riley.

I thought back to a girlfriend I once had who had ticked most of my boxes, but like the old Bella, she had not wanted kids. The moment she told me that, my interest in her had waned and vanished like the mist and I'd lost little time breaking up with her. I'd been happy enough being with her until then, but when she revealed she wanted different things to what I did, suddenly she was not worth the effort. I made no attempt to talk her around and try and convince her what I wanted would be great; amazing, because I simply didn't care about her enough.

If she'd complied, and changed her mind and agreed to want what I wanted; who knows? I may have married her. If she had offered me the lifestyle I wanted, the fact she was not the great love of my life may have seemed less important than letting her go to keep looking for my ideal partner.

Like when you were a child, and you settled for a breakfast cereal that wasn't your favourite because it had some shiny new toy inside that you coveted. While the toy came with it, it was acceptable but once the collection was finished there was no way you would still choose to eat that brand.

I did get what Bella was saying. Riley was enough, but only on her terms. Once he changed his mind and wanted a different life, what she felt for him was suddenly insufficient.

I'd been willing to change, and compromise to keep Bella; I'd been willing to give up on having kids because keeping her was more important.

Now she had got with the programme and done the same for me.

That was truly epic, and a clear sign we were meant to be.

I almost changed my mind and asked her to stay, and not go looking for the man who was just someone from her past, now. I even feared I was playing with fire.

It would be all fine and dandy if it happened how I hoped, and she took one look at him, and knew he was never right for her. And maybe as a bonus she would ask herself what she was even thinking back then, because Riley was so much less to her even at the height of their passion than I was now. That would be awesome, I smirked to myself.

Bella laughed and I flushed.

"Hey, Baby, there's only one perfect match for each of us and I know this trip will prove it for you, once and for all."

"I'm not the one who needs proof, Edward," she sighed, laying her head against me, holding my hand in her own smaller, warmer hands. "I'm doing this for you, not for me. I don't need to see Riley to know you are my one and only. You are my Edward."

xxxx

The night before she left was bittersweet. I'd locked the memory away in my head, but it was there ready to be recalled and relived in my dreams while Bella was absent. Despite the cast, she had found ways to make sure it had been the best night of our lives so far. And we had both promised in the future, we would have nights that eclipsed this one and made it pale by comparison.

My life was now on hold, until she came home to me, and our new life together could begin.

I'd been released into my father's care, and he had taken time off to come here to the city to look after me and take me in for x-rays and whatever. Esme would be the more hands on person, nursing me, but having a doctor for a parent meant I could at least leave the hospital.

We would all be staying in my apartment, now fully refurbished. Actually the the decor was quite nice, to my surprise. Still not what I would choose, but I could see it would appeal to a wide range of other home owners. It was kind of neutral and a little bland but you could see it would be easy to put your mark on the place and make it your own with just a few accessories that were to your own taste.

"This is nice," I told my Mom as she pushed me through the rooms.

" I know it's not to your specific taste, Edward. Of course, it's all about appealing to as many types of buyer as possible. A few bright cushions and a rainbow striped rug and the sitting room would be perfect for a young modern couple. Some autumn toned flowery prints instead and it would be ideal for middle aged partners. I can't see it so much as a family home, despite all the room. "

"It's definitely more a place to entertain than to raise kids," I agreed. "But then, that was why I bought it in the first place. I had no idea I would meet Bella and fall in love with her, and our future together would make this place obsolete. You do love her apartment, though, right?"

"It's amazing. A work of architectural brilliance," she replied, but I could see she was hoping we wouldn't love it so much we would live there forever. "It's the perfect home for a young _couple,_" she agreed, still managing to convey it was not where she wanted her future grandchildren raised.

"Edward, your father has purchased some other properties in Forks. Just really beautiful acreages, with old houses that either need replacing or renovating. There's one that I think you and Bella would love. It even has it's own stream, and the stone cottage is really structurally sound. Of the three properties, it's the prettiest. I have photos."

I smiled to myself and wondered if Bella would ever want to return to Forks, before retirement age. The place held mixed memories for her, and she quite liked the city. I let my Mom stop my chair in front of the computer desk and looked at the images she'd stored on her USB. She was right. One property really stood out ahead of the other two.

Bella would love it.

"We have gotten quotes to restore the house and the builders your father decided to go with are working there as we speak. It's to be your birthday present. Turning thirty is a big deal. Time to think about your future."

"I already turned thirty," I reminded her.

"Well, the gifts we gave you then were just trinkets. This is the real gift."

"But what about Emmett and Jasper? Surely all three of us are thinking this one is the best. How do we decide who gets it?"

"We took Alice to visit each one and as much as she loved this place, she admitted it had Bella's name all over it, so she and Jas decided to choose the land beside our property that has a cottage far too broken to fix. They are building something quite modern. A lot of glass and wood.

Your land is down behind our back property line."

"And what about Emmett? He didn't want to claim it for himself?" I questioned.

"This one here is the one Emmett chose," Mom said with a sigh. The land was densely treed and featured a lot of rocky outcrops and a fast moving river almost, cutting it down the middle. It didn't seem all that practical as a place to build a family home.

"He says he wants to keep it exactly as it is and use it for his paintball wars," she replied, shaking her head. "He's already built a couple of bunkers or whatever they are called. Naturally his friends all think it's amazing. They get out there in their war paint and ambush one another for days on end, living in caves and camouflage tents like real soldiers. I wonder sometimes if he will ever grow up."

"You know that the day he meets the right woman, he will change," I grinned. It happened to us all. Well, mostly.

Jasper walked in with Tom on his hip and looked over my shoulder.

"Did you show him our place?" he asked. "The house Alice designed is awesome, bro. She did it in secret, and unveiled the plans at dinner one night, and we all loved it. Weirdly it's exactly the type of house I have always wanted. Is that girl perfect, or what? I can't wait to move in and once we do, we are planning to get to work on a brother or sister for Tommy boy."

"Is there going to be a wedding before this conception?" I enquired.

"Well, not being a committed couple conceiving a baby within a marriage didn't occur to them last time," Mom said, a little sharply. Mom liked all her 'i's dotted and her 't's crossed.

Jasper shook his head and laughed.

"Honestly Edward, neither she or Dad will even consider the possibility that we are telling the truth. Why would I lie, Mom? Tom is every bit my son now, but I was not there when he was conceived. I wish I was. I hope his biological father never shows his face because I would be sorely tempted to treat him with the contempt he deserves. A few broken teeth might make him realize you do not treat women the way he treated my Alice."

Mom looked perplexed and I knew she wished Jas was the father, even if she didn't quite approve of the fact that would mean he had deserted Alice, as James had done.

"It's all in the past. I just hope this supposed biological father never wants his son back," she stated.

I could see this had not occurred to my brother.

"I need to find a way to adopt Tom, clearly. I hadn't thought about that. Or maybe Dad could do a paternity test and fudge the results for me," he mused out loud.

"Edward," Alice called as she entered the study. "Bella's on the phone for you."

I wheeled myself away into my new lower floor bedroom that used to be a games room, and shut the door behind me as I listened to the happy sound of my girl's voice.

"So, did you find him? Are you coming home tonight?" I said optimistically.

Marcus had put a six week limit on Bella finding her ex and making contact. If it happened earlier, great. She could come straight back. And instead of rescuing Riley from his Fate, she could rescue me from my family.

"Nope. And Rose really has gone, as well. I went to her apartment and someone new lives there, and has for some weeks. That's strange, because you know all undercovers are supposed to only move from their residences with approval."

"Does the new owner have any idea where she went?" I asked.

"Nope. It's worrying me more where Rose is than where Riley is. She always obeys the rules. The landlord said she went out one night and never came home. She left everything she owned in the apartment. It's all in his mouldy basement stuffed into boxes. He says I can take it if I pay the outstanding rent owed."

"That's weird. You wouldn't think Rose would flaunt the rules and let the rent payments stop, even if she has shacked up with someone," I replied. She was hardly new to the game.

It was one of the many rules. You always paid your bills so nobody ever looked too deeply into your background in an effort to find somebody willing to pay your debts.

"So, you have no clue to where either of them are?" I enquired. Dammit, this meant she may not be home for some time, and that was just unfair. Wasn't it bad enough that I was stuck in this chair and had nobody here to comfort me? Not in the way I wanted to be comforted.

My breathing hitched as I let the memory of our last night together surface.

"Edward, are you picturing me sitting on top of you, riding you hard?" she giggled.

"Stop it, you tease. I was quite disappointed when they put my leg in that traction. I stupidly thought it meant we would have to be celibate until I got free from it. Silly me. I should have known Bella Swan can get past any obstacle."

"Well we both know abstinence is just not our thing," she murmured. "We tried it, remember,and it didn't work out so well."

"I beg to differ, I think it turned out very well indeed," I replied.

"Oh, so you liked it when I.."

"Bella, I'm living in my apartment with two perfectly matched couples who will no doubt forget that I'm here, all alone, at night. And Emmett will be taking girls back to your old apartment and chaining them to the wall or whatever...it's hard enough being the odd one out. I just hope he doesn't feel the necessity to share the details of what he gets up to there, with me."

"Maybe he's just taking them back for tea and cakes," Bella suggested with a smirk in her voice.

"Sure," I answered darkly. "When are you coming home? I miss you."

"It's been three days and don't forget, you sent me here. I was more than willing to get a job in the local library and come home in my naughty librarian outfit and teach you all about the Dewey decimal system."

"How can that sound so sexy?" I moaned. "It's filing books."

"Yes, but some of those dark corners in the library are quite private and if I were reaching up high to slip a book onto a very tall shelf and you were pressed up close behind me...things could just slip into places where they belong. "

"Belllla," I moaned, tearing at my hair with my free hand.

"Or what if the book had to go on a very low shelf, and I had to bend all the way over and I'd forgotten to wear panties that day..."

"You are so bad, " I whimpered. My hand had disappeared into my new loose and comfortable sweat pants that Esme had insisted were what people in wheelchairs should be wearing and now I agreed with her. I had argued that nothing would make me give up wearing jeans, but she had arrived at the hospital with the outfit she had decided was most suitable so I'd had no choice other than to comply.

"Or what if you were in the library hiding because a mugger had stolen all your clothing, and it was so cold outside that a certain part of you was frozen hard and I had to warm it with my mouth..."

I yelped out her name and stilled my hand, breathing loudly.

"Why, Mr Cullen, I do believe you must be missing me pretty badly if you managed to pleasure yourself that quickly. Now go clean up before.."

Too late. Dammit, the doors all had locks, why hadn't I used it? Mom crept inside, as if by walking softly she wouldn't interrupt.

"Edward, lunch is on the table. Say hi to Bella for me," my Mom chirped brightly. Then she frowned at my appearance and stepped forward, putting a hand on my forehead. She took the phone from me without a word.

"Bella, Edward has to go. He's very hot and flushed. I hope he's not getting a fever. Luckily I made chicken soup for this meal. Goodbye, Dear. Be safe."

xxxx

The days passed slowly, tortuously, and I crossed them off the calendar every night. Bella rang daily, which kept me sane. Barely.

Mom fussed around by day and treated me like a ten year old, and I tended to spend hours in my room whenever she allowed me to, just looking at old photos of Bella and I, and thinking about nights we had shared ever since that first night in the tent when I got to unfreeze my hands on her warm, delicious body.

I remember being surprised at how truly perfect she was under her clothing, and how well we fitted together, despite our height difference and how nowadays nothing was uncomfortable any more for her, or out of bounds for us.

We were perfect. She made me perfect.

I dived on the phone every time it rang, and always, always locked the door.

Marcus kept in touch and sometimes came to visit, but I think he was sick of my nagging. But really, if Bella hadn't found any sign of either Riley or Rose in the past five weeks, what was the point of her still searching? Nothing was going to change. Rose wasn't going to waltz back to her apartment now. Bella needed to come on home to me.

"Edward, are you ready to go?" Dad asked, knocking on my door. At least he had the courtesy, or was it simply foresight not to barge right in like Esme did. I put down the file I had been studying. Marcus had left it here and inside were lists and outlines of various departments Bella and I could transfer to, if that was what she still wanted when she got back.

Her resignation would disappear under a pile of reports if Marcus could persuade her to stay in the department and just transfer to a safer squad.

"Wire fraud sounds kind of interesting," I commented to Carlisle as he drove me to the nearby clinic for my latest x-ray. "And safe. It's all done from a desk, and uniform do the actual arrests."

"Whatever you two want to do. You know your mother would prefer you moved back home. Your house is almost ready, you know."

"But there's not a lot of employment opportunities in Forks," I complained.

"You could rethink your career and go back and finish your medical training," he suggested. Medicine had been my first choice but then knowing everyone in the family had assumed I would follow blindly in my father's footsteps had made me rebel and choose a change in career.

"I guess that could work," I conceded sheepishly. So, he had been right. Being a doctor in a sleepy town like Forks was possibly one of the safest jobs on the planet.

"And there's always the library. Bella's very fond of books, isn't she?" he asked with a twinkle in his eye and I suddenly realized, if I could overhear them at night as they carried out their marital shenanigans, then they could also hear me as I settled for my lonely phone sex.

"Some of those bookshelves can be rather high," he laughed. I stared out of my side window and felt my face redden.

"I really need Bella to come home," I sighed.

"Yes Edward, we all do," he smirked.

xxxx

The good news was apparently my bones have super healing powers and the cast was no longer necessary. Dad carefully cut it away and I cringed at the damp looking hair on my newly exposed leg, that clung to my paler skin. Now my other leg looked positively tanned by comparison. Bella would be thrilled that I'd been freed from my prison.

"You still need to use the crutches for a week or so to get used to that leg taking weight again," he warned.

I nodded. Anything was better than being wheeled around by my mother, or my over enthusiastic brother. Emmett thought the obvious..if one's brother was restricted to a wheelchair, then he was pretty much helpless and you could carry out wheelies or whatever chair tricks appealed to you. One day I swear I will break one of his legs just to have my revenge. I'd almost been run over twice, when he decided to play chicken in the traffic.

That night I left the table as soon as the meal was over and headed for bed, eager for my nightly phone conversation with Bella.

At first I figured she was just late, or I was just over conscious of the time, and she would ring. Maybe she had eaten out at a restaurant like I urged her to, instead of grabbing something fast and lacking in nutrition on the way back to her room.

Ten o'clock is not that late.

I watched a couple of tv shows that failed to hold my attention, and ate the supper Alice brought in on a tray, and even checked out my options on the internet, should I decided to go back to medicine.

It seemed I could do a lot of my training based in the hospital, and the formal studying part could be done online, seeing I'd already passed the first three years of the program.

That was encouraging.

I was leery of undertaking anything that took me away from Bella. This separation was way too hard and was nothing I'd care to repeat.

Midnight.

Maybe she lost her phone.

Maybe she drank a little too much wine with dinner and fell asleep.

Maybe she …...

I went to bed, my cell on my pillow, my eyes glued to the photo she had taken of us just before she left. I'd printed it out and Mom had framed it so I had something to hold onto.

Finally, I dozed.

I awoke abruptly sometime before dawn.

It was just a dream.

A nightmare.

The words echoed over and over in my head.

Maybe...

Maybe she had found Riley.

**Thank you for reviews, always appreciate knowing there are people out there reading this. Carter was 5 weeks early and he had to have a little operation because of Pyloric Stenosis so updates depend on him. He's home, and seems fine, so here's hoping the drama is over now. Thanks for reading.**


	11. Chapter 11

A/N **Thanks for concern, Carter is doing really well. The condition is rarely diagnosed that quickly, he was 2 weeks old. He's now one month old today and thriving. There may be typos here, sorry. No time to edit.**

It's Murder

Chapter 11

EPOV

By the third night and no call, I was going insane. Carlisle suggested I channel all my pent up frustrations at the rehab clinic, and at first I dismissed this suggestion rudely, but thinking it through, I needed to be back to full speed as soon as possible. My leg seemed fine to me, but I realized my father was right. It had to regain it's former strength so I was confident it would not suddenly let me down in an emergency, should one appear.

Marcus tried to pretend everything was fine and three days without contact was nothing, but even he could no longer laugh it off and joke about how Bella was probably 'finally earning her salary' by catching up with the two agents, and simply spending time getting to know what they had achieved so far, to report back with.

"She would never leave me hanging like this. Something is wrong."

"Edward, relax. There's no reason to suspect that. Maybe she wanted a break from you moaning about your leg. Maybe she thinks absence makes the heart grow fonder and this time apart will lead to an 'explosive' reunion if she makes you miss her more."

I felt my right hand twitch. It so wanted to raise the stick I was using to help me walk normally, and smash it across his face.

"Send me in or I will tender my resignation and go in anyway. I have to locate her and find out for myself that she is safe and sound. I don't even care if she has resurrected the romance with Riley any more. I just need to know she is alive and well. I can face anything if that's the truth."

He drummed his fingers on the desk.

"That may not be a bad idea. To tell you the truth, we are a little concerned that all three of them have gone off the radar. Often one agent who has been under long term and is yet to make any progress with their assignment will just become complacent and delay contact for sometimes extended periods without anything being wrong, but I agree. Not Bella. She would contact you even if not us. Even Rose... Women are generally better at reporting in regardless and Rose has never failed to keep us updated weekly before, even when nothing is happening. Maybe we should send you in."

"Today," I urged. I had done all the required training years ago, like Bella, last time we toyed with transferring to the UC unit. My false identity had been in place, ready and waiting, since then. She had been sent in simply as Bella Swan,seeing she was merely to observe, make contact if it was safe to do so, then come home. There had been no need for a fake id and cover story.

Trickier for me but it was all setup anyway.

There was nothing more that needed to be done prior to my appearance in the city they were in. I had not been told where that might be; it was strictly a 'need to know' basis and I hadn't needed to know.

" Rose's real name is Rosalie Hale but she's called Rose King at the moment," Marcus told me. Coincidence, surely.

"She's the supposed widow of Royce King, former financier so with you being Edward Anthony Masen now, dotcom millionaire, it's conceivable you 'knew' him. That will give you a reason to already know Rose."

I blinked a little at Rose's real name because once upon a time, I dated a Rosalie Hale but I dare say this is an entirely different person. The Rose I knew was a fashion designer, not an agent of any kind. Anyway, my concern began and ended with Bella.

Marcus made a few calls and I went home to pack a bag and collect my, well, Edward Masen's, passport and papers from the safe, and I arrived at the small private airfield an hour before my flight was due to leave.

"Italy here I come," I murmured. I knew Bella had been quite delighted to be in that country especially as she'd had plenty of time to explore the art galleries and tourist points of interest while looking for the others, even though not once in her excitement had she let slip where she actually was.

On 'my' own private plane it was safe to reread the confidential files again as we flew. As I suspected, Riley had been sent in to infiltrate a large human trafficking ring, but Rose was merely there nearby as his contact. She was not supposed to be directly involved, just someone on the spot to watch his back and pass on anything he told her if he couldn't make direct contact himself. She was little more than a go-between. In theory.

The story was that she was his cousin, so nobody would think anything of them having the occasional dinner together, as cousins did. And being just cousins, they were both free to begin relationships with anyone who may be useful.

Rose had never met anyone she needed to get closer to, so her personal life had apparently remained much as had been at home; playing free and easy with any man who appealed to her when he crossed her path.

Riley had been in two 'relationships' with women who were family connections of Aro Volturi, the head honcho. This way he had managed to gain Volturi's trust, though it had taken years; the whole time he had been there. So this meant he was quite possibly merely playing it safe and taking no chances of being caught making contact with Marcus.

Rose was a different story. If she was merely his cousin, there was no reason for her to have gone AWOL. Her job description did not include getting deeply involved with Volturi's organization for any reason. She had been supposedly completely safe and away from the action. Watch, meet up, report in.

Marcus assured me normally she had always followed her brief to the letter and had bailed if anything dangerous touched her life even peripherally. Why not this time as well?

"Mr Masen, welcome to Italy," my driver greeted me. As far as he knew, I was simply a too rich self indulgent multi-millionaire with too much spare time on my hands. He was probably sneering at me under his breath.

My townhouse was luxurious and my first thought was that Mom would have loved the furnishings, but that was immediately eclipsed by my desperate need to find Bella. The doorman placed my suitcases in the extravagant dressing room and left. I grabbed my overnight bag and went downstairs, where my driver was still waiting.

The landlord of Bella's studio apartment let me inside her room once a little cash exchanged hands, and I sat down on the bed she had slept in for the last six weeks. The room was small and cramped but contained everything she needed, and Bella had been used to living this way in the past, so it would not have been anything new.

The view from her tiny balcony, however, was somewhat superior to her view in Boston. A lone cushion was tossed on the floor next to the railing and an empty coffee cup sat beside it. I knew this was where she had sat to make her nightly phone calls to me.

"Where are you, my Bella?" I asked , as I stood holding onto the balcony rails, looking down over the busy marketplace below. She had no doubt stood right here, many times, watching the busy folk below as they purchased their loaves and cheeses and fresh fruit and olives.

There was no sense of urgency in their actions. Both women and men stopped to exchange pleasantries with one another, and the small cafes were all full of a mix of tourists and locals sitting outside on chairs at small round tables as they sipped their coffees.

"Well hello handsome," a voice said, startling me. I turned and smiled at the young woman on an identical balcony beside this one.

"Hello yourself," I replied, forcing a warm smile onto my face. Bella's neighbour.

"So, have you taken over Bella's lease? Please say yes," she giggled.

"Sure," I replied. I would do that. "My name's Edward Masen, may I ask yours?"

I grinned in a hopefully flirtatious manner but her face dropped.

"Oh the famous Edward who she called every single night like her life would fall apart if she didn't hear his voice on a regular basis. Damn, I was hoping you were her brother or something."

"I do have several brothers who are joining me here soon," I offered, needing her to befriend me.

"Single, are they?"

"Definitely. Single and looking for trouble," I winked.

"We should become friends," she decided. "I'm Claire, by the way."

"Lovely to meet you, Claire. Would you like to join me for lunch? I'm new to this city but I'm sure you know a good place to dine. You could help me get to know this wonderful place."

"Sure. A real meal would be pretty awesome around now. I'll just get changed."

She waved the thin paintbrush in her hand at her paint splattered clothing and I realized I had hit gold. An American student here on a visa, doing the whole starving artist cliche before going home to start her no doubt much more boring real career.

"This is Bella's favourite place to eat," she informed me as the waiter handed out menus. I watched as she glanced at the meals listed, then looked me over, assessing that I could easily afford the most expensive dish.

"I'd just about kill for a nice juicy steak. All this bread and cheese and pasta, not to forget the cheap wine is fine but God, I miss meat."

"Then let me buy you a steak," I replied.

We ordered her steak and my pasta and I sipped the wine the drink waiter offered and nodded my approval.

"That's like, fifty bucks a bottle," Claire said in awe.

"A hundred and twenty actually, but who cares?" I replied as he filled her glass.

She savoured it in her mouth before swallowing, her eyes closed. I got the idea. This was the best wine she had ever tasted.

"Do you approve?" I asked as she finally took a second sip.

She kept her eyes open this time but made no effort to swallow it before she was ready to in order to answer me.

"A nice little drop," she murmured, "pressed from grapes grown on the western side of the hill, by barefooted peasants with really tiny feet so as to not bruise the fruit."

I laughed. I quite liked her.

"So, I came here to see Bella, obviously, and your landlord tells me she hasn't been home for a week."

"Oh, she's gone off with that Barbie doll," Claire replied, waving her hand down her own body, sculpturing out a large rack and tiny waist in the air. "Rose. I can't say I like her much."

"Rose King?" I checked.

"Yeah. Apparently she and Bells are friends from way back. Grew up together, shared all their teenage drama and secrets, bff's and all that shit."

Not entirely accurate; Bella told me she met Rose when she moved to Boston, as an adult. Alice was the girl she grew up with.

"So, where did they go?" I asked casually.

"Rose got her a job at the place where she works herself. I think Bells was running out of cash, though looking at you I'm surprised you didn't send her some."

"Bella is very independent, she wanted to do this trip by herself," I replied. "I did offer to come with her and finance the whole trip but it wasn't what she wanted."

"And you had the broken leg," she reminded me.

"Of course. I always intended joining her here once it mended, as a surprise. Now I just need to find her. Where does Rose work?"

I admit I had visions of the two women waiting tables or working in a bar so I was taken by surprise at Claire's reply.

"Up in the hills, at Aro Volturi's Palace of Pleasure."

Fuck. This was very bad. Neither of them were authorised to go near the place, let alone work there.

"What does Rose do there exactly?" I asked, hoping against hope she was merely the receptionist.

"She's a Dungeon Mistress, whatever the fuck that is. Don't tell me, I don't think I want to know. Bella sure thought it was funny. The two of them got a lot of laughs over it. She said it was the perfect job for Rose. Rose said it would be only Dungeon Mistresses just oversee the shit that goes down there, they don't get to fuck the clients themselves."

What the heck was Bella employed to do there?

"It's quite easy to get hired. The Aro guy comes into town a lot, looking for new recruits. His clients like Americans, it seems. He offered me a job as a Submissive and I was tempted and all. He said it didn't matter that I had no previous experience, training was provided. Living on my measly allowance from my Father doesn't exactly let me live the high life. But when his lacky explained just what a Submissive was, I decided I liked dry bread and cheap wine after all."

"And Bella took a job there?" I replied in shock.

Claire shrugged.

"To each his own. I knew it wasn't for me. No rich fucker will ever get to slap me around with a riding crop to get his jollies. I was surprised Bella was interested, but I did 'accidentally' overhear Rose tell her a friend of hers worked there. Someone named Riley. She said it was the only way to get to talk to him because he lives in at the castle."

There was no way I could eat anything now. A lump appeared in my throat and my heartbeat faltered. I placed a small pile of money on the table to cover the meal and wine, and Claire frowned and handed a note back to me.

"Don't be too generous. They'll expect a tip that large every time you come in if you do."

"Keep it yourself," I replied. "And get them to bag up my meal and take it home with you for later if you want. I have somewhere I need to be."

xxxx

"Nobody gets in without an appointment," the rather overly large man at the gate repeated again.

I'd tried sweet talking, baffling him with bullshit, demanding he let me in with the 'do you have any idea who I am and how much money I am worth and how very important that makes me' line, and he'd even sneered at the bribe I'd offered him.

I was about to double it; triple it, and only paused because of the contemptuous look on his face.

"Don't insult us both, Sir. It's more than my job is worth. I'd be happy to allow you to book an appointment with Gianna if that's what you wish, but nobody gets in here otherwise."

I reluctantly agreed and he let me into the small annexe in the forecourt. A tall Italian girl

took down my contact details and made a booking for the next day, once I convinced her my business here was urgent and not the usual type of booking for a session in the dungeons.

"I wish to meet with Aro Volturi himself. I have a business proposition for him."

There was only one thing I wanted from him, and I didn't care how much it cost for me to buy her. I would not be leaving this place tomorrow until I had his newest trainee Sub firmly in my grasp. And when I got her home, there would possibly be violence involved. I hope she's ready for the touch of my leather belt against her soft, fair skin! How the fuck could she have done this?

I somehow made it back to her little garret without killing anyone, and took my frustration and anger out on the flimsy sticks of furniture in her room. The chair snapped way too easily, but the chunky, much scratched little table took quite a few blows against the wall before it broke with a shriek of tortured wood.

"Bella, I could strangle you with my own bare hands right now," I cried out in despair. "And Rose, you are so dead. How could you let her do this? You must know why Aro is always looking for new recruits. Young women do not last long in that particular career once one too many Doms have bashed the living crap out of them."

I tried desperately to block out what else Doms did to their Subs, after the beatings. They mistreated them in the vilest ways possible. Even if she survived, she would be traumatized, violated, destroyed.

I grabbed my cell phone and made a call.

"Emmett, get your arse on the next flight to Milan, Italy. Get some sleep on the plane, I need you to be ready for action. Text me the flight details and I'll meet you at the airport. Thanks Bro."

In around eight to ten hours, depending on how soon the next flight left, my brother would arrive and have my back.

xxxx

That night was the longest night of my life.

I spent it pacing the small floor area in Bella's room; draining every bottle of cheap alcohol she had stashed under the kitchen sink unit. I tore out so much of my hair I probably sported several bald spots.

Claire ventured in to keep me company and to share the better quality wine she had bought with the money I gave her, but she didn't stay long. I had a feeling I had scared her, with my ranting and howling in agony.

Finally I fell onto the bed and passed out but even that oblivion refused me any comfort. My dreams were full of images of my gentle little Bella, beaten, raped and broken by a succession of men whose faces I couldn't see. I was watching from the corner, frozen like some marble statue, unable to save her. When I did break free, I killed them all; tore them limb from limb; ripped off their heads, and the dungeon floor was awash with their blood.

xxxx

"Edward! Could you please answer your cell? It's been ringing for ages. Everyone in the complex is complaining."

I felt a hand on my shoulder as I opened one eye. My head throbbed and I gazed at the girl who stood by the bed, wondering where the fuck I was and who she was, more to the point.

"Hello, this is Claire, answering Edward's phone," she was saying into my cell phone in her hand.

She pushed it toward me.

"It's your brother, Emmett. He's waiting at the airport for you?"

My brain clicked into gear and I shook my head in an effort to clear it.

"Emmett. I'll be right there. Hang on. I just need to take a shower and wake myself up properly."

"Maybe I should drive you," Claire offered.

"It's okay. I have a driver," I replied, tossing the cell onto the bed.

She looked around the room.

"Bella's going to lose her security deposit," she sighed.

"Bella has far worse problems than that," I replied, stripping my crumpled, sticky suit from my torso and stepping into the small shower in the corner of the room. Claire pretended not to look, while checking me out with a sneaky sidelong glance. Too many women had seen me naked for me to care.

"Wow," she whispered, looking away, her cheeks blushing.

"Remind me to introduce you to Emmett when this is all over," I stated. "Could you lay out my clean suit? It's in the black bag hanging on the door."

I dressed hurriedly and left the room where Claire was making an effort to tidy up, and got into the car.

"Airport, thanks."

Emmett didn't seem too bothered to have been kept waiting but that was possibly due to the two beautiful women he was seated between at the coffee kiosk. He hurriedly entered his details into a phone and handed it back to the taller one on his right before getting up and walking towards me. As always, he had chosen the blond.

"What's happening? Why the urgency?" he asked with a grin as he forced me into a manhug.

"You are not going to believe what Bella's gotten herself into," I sighed, grabbing his bag from his hand and turning back to the door I'd just entered.

"Bye ladies. Call me," he said with a grin, then followed me out.

"So you found her. Where is she?"

"Bella is currently being trained as a submissive in Aro Volturi's Palace of Pleasure," I informed him snappily.

"I always wanted to go there," Emmett replied eagerly. Then he caught the murderous look I was giving him and sobered. "I mean...before this happened..."

"Oh, we are going there. I have an appointment to meet with Aro himself in an hour and you shall be my bodyguard in case things get sticky."

"Yes!" Emmett said, punching a hand into the other palm. "This sounds like fun."

"I'm hoping it will just be a quick financial transaction, no need to spill any blood," I replied.

"That would be a little boring, but if it goes down that way, can I stay for a guided tour of the place?"

"Once I have Bella safely out of there, you can do whatever you want," I assured him.

xxxx

"Mr Edward Anthony Masen and _friend "_ the tall thickset Italian announced.

Aro Volturi rose from behind his desk and stepped forward, his face beaming. No doubt he had already had someone check out my credentials. My fake persona was somewhat famous you could say. He'd played the stock market successfully for years so had come to the attention of many people. Naturally, he was an eccentric recluse, so there were no photographs anywhere of him.

"Welcome, friends. How can I assist you today?" He was a smaller, slighter figure of a man that I had expected. His friendly yet bland features made it hard to accept this man ran one of the largest people trafficking trades in the world. His many Palaces of Pleasure were staffed by girls snatched from streets, cruise ships, nightclubs, around the globe, and imprisoned into a nightmare world of drugs and prostitution.

"I'm looking for a companion to take home with me to my estate in America. Various friends have recommended your girls to me, so here I am. Price is no object for the right girl."

His eyes positively glowed, and he rubbed his hands together.

"Lovely. I do have some girls looking for private placements, shall we say. Would you care to elaborate on the type of girl that appeals to you? All our ladies are highly trained and very good at their...hobbies. Maybe a blond?"

"I prefer brunettes. And while I appreciate the time and effort that goes into training your girls, I'm looking for someone a little less experienced, shall we say? Someone whose training I can finish off myself?"

"Well, I do have a trainee as it happens, but I'm not sure she is the girl for you. She's rather spirited and isn't responding to training as well as I had hoped. But by all means, look her over and see what you think. Caius, bring Miss Bree out here, please."

He turned and looked me over, ignoring Emmett, no doubt dismissing him as my employee.

"Bree is a strange one. She seemed very keen to join our little family here at first but alas, she doesn't seem to like the training aspect of things. It's such a shame. I had high hopes for her. So young, so pretty. I had envisioned many years of having her here with us. But, of course, I'd never force a girl to stay against her will. If she truly doesn't want to be one of us, of course she can leave. But of course, here have been expenses. I'm sure we can come up with a reasonable figure for the amount of compensation I deserve for all the trouble she has caused me. I was anticipating maybe seven years of service from her, so those earnings have to be taken into consideration. However my loss is your gain. Maybe she would _respond_ better in a more private situation. I hope she pleases you."

I nodded, unable to speak. I could feel Emmett bristling at my side, clearly now aware just how places like this were actually staffed. I placed a hand on his arm and he calmed. There was no time for heroics here. I had to put Bella's life and safety first, not try and be a superhero and save them all. There was no chance of that.

Caius dragged a small, slightly built brunette into the room. She fought and writhed against his grip and her long tangled hair fell over her face. I felt my brother hold me back as I took a step forward, and my vision spun crazily.

"Bree, be polite, say hello to Mr Masen," Aro said merrily. He nodded and a dark figure stepped from the shadows and lashed a whip across her back when she failed to respond.

"Young people today," Aro sighed. "No manners."


	12. Chapter 12

**v**

It's Murder

Chapter 12

My body flinched and my eyes shut at the sound of the leather strap on bare flesh but Emmett grabbed me tightly and whispered in my ear.

"It's not her, Edward. It's not Bella."

I opened my eyes again and looked more closely. He was right. This girl could indeed, almost _be_ Bella but she wasn't. For a start, she was younger.

She finally tossed her hair back and looked at me. Her body was crossed with red welts; old and new, and even as it sagged in near defeat, she managed to tug and turn herself away from her tormentor. She shared one thing with Bella. She was spirited. Bree stared at me with wide, desperate eyes. Brown, so like Bella's. They begged me to rescue her. She had realized it was better to be used and tortured by just the one devil than the vast variety of men Aro would introduce her to.

"Well, Mr Masen, what do you think?" Aro asked anxiously, his greedy hands rubbing together.

She may not be my Bella, but she was somebody's 'Bella', somebody's girlfriend, daughter, wife, child, and I could not leave her here.

"Fine, but like you, I'm not sure she's absolutely perfect for me. As you say, she's very young and not quite up to par , and it can be a little boring completing their training. But her looks are spot on. I have a soft spot for petite brunettes. I'll take her, but maybe I should see what else you have to offer me. Maybe you have another just like her?" I winked.

His assistant said something to him quietly, too quietly, and Aro frowned.

"There is in fact one other girl here who could almost pass as Bree's twin. But she would be very expensive indeed. She's barely started working for me and she's very popular."

I swallowed the bile in my throat and hoped I looked more sick than sickened.

"Sounds awesome," Emmett said for me. "Let's go see her. What's her name?"

"Izzy. She's very lovely but also very talented," Aro assured us both, now willing to acknowledge Emmett as well if my brother was going to be my enabler in these purchases. "Maybe we could find someone special for you as well."

"Well, it is almost my birthday," Emmett said cheerily. His eyes sparkled and darkened but not because of lust like Aro assumed. Emmett wanted a fight, and the more girls he saw enslaved by this pitiful excuse for a man, the more likely it would be that he would snap, and possibly snap the little man's neck.

"Only if you behave," I warned him.

He got the message and calmed down.

We followed Aro through dark tunnels until we came to a surprisingly modern state of the art elevator cleverly hidden in an ancient brick wall, and descended down to the workplace of his slaves.

"So, what type of woman would you prefer?" Aro asked Emmett.

"Me, I'm a connoisseur of blonde ladies," he answered. " But none of these currently desirable skin and bones type. The curvier the better. Do you think men who fancy these flat chested starving waifs really prefer teen boys? That's my theory. I like a woman who is built like a woman."

"Oh, I know who would be just perfect for you," Aro giggled. I swear I would one day let my brother rip this man apart just because he took such pleasure in trading in women. It was like a personal shopper squeeing over finding the ideal outfit of clothing for you.

Shrieks and cries of both satisfaction and agony assaulted our ears as the doors opened.

"Welcome to the dungeon. Otherwise known as the Palace of Pleasure, for obvious reasons.

Now, to our right we have the boudoir our submissives rest in between appointments, so we can look them over later, but first off, I want to introduce you both to my two best Dungeon Mistresses, Rose and Izzy."

After the extreme letdown of Bree not being Bella, I tried not to get my hopes up too high, but when he opened the door to our left, my eyes almost fell from my head.

A dozen naked men were situated around the room, manacled to walls; or beating young girls manacled to walls, and the whole setup would have disgusted me too much to stand be here except,on a raised platform, overseeing the various forms of activity, stood two amazing women, both of whom I knew well.

Rose Hale caught my eye and grinned, but it was Bella who caused my mouth to gape. She was dressed in a skin tight black leather Dominatrix outfit , like Rose, and wielding a rather long whip in her hand. I was beyond shocked that even though she may have thought this was the only way to find Riley, that she would take on a role where she had to abuse the girls working here.

"Aro, I see you have brought us two new customers ready to feel the lash of leather against their tender skin," Rose smirked, and I got the picture. They didn't whip the girls, just the sickoes who paid their money to be abused.

"Rose, Izzy, I'd like you to meet Mr Masen and his friend. They are on a shopping spree and much as I enjoy employing you both, times are hard even in this industry and if he is interested in a deal, you two may soon be working for him."

"So what exactly do Rose and Izzy do?" Emmett asked.

"They both oversee the dungeons and make sure all my customers are happy with the service they receive from my Submissives, and they deal with the men who come here simply to experience pain. They are both very good at what they do, and I'm sure they both have many other talents and can be whatever you need them to be, and take on whatever roles you desire. I do insist on you partaking a test drive, if I may call it that, before the deal is made. I don't do second chances; no refunds or exchanges once the girls leave this building with you. So you need to be sure this product is suitable and the one that fulfills all your needs before you sign on the dotted line."

"That won't be necessary, I can see both Izzy and Rose are to our liking," I retorted angrily.

"Mr Masen, rules are rules. I did not train these two girls myself; they both came already risen to their current roles from their previous owner who highly recommended them. A Mr Marcus who resides in your very own country.

As neither have participated here in my castle as Submissives, I would require you making sure they are as proficient as necessary in all roles before signing them over to you. I need to know you and your friend are entirely _satisfied _ with your purchases.

Naturally, as Bree is not yet trained, I would forgo any requirements that either of you assess her abilities. She comes under a 'customer beware' policy; it's entirely at your own risk that you purchase her, knowing she may not ever train up to be what you desire her to be.

But Rose and Izzy are unknown quantities to me as anything other than Dungeon Mistresses and I can't imagine you have any call for one, let alone two of those. I insist they prove their worth in every way , considering their very substantial price tags. "

He motioned for the two women to come down off the stage, and I took Bella's hand into my own, desperate to have some kind of contact with her.

For the first time since we had walked into this room, Bella looked straight into my eyes. All I saw was trust. No matter what 'activities' Aro demanded we try before we got to take them home, she knew I would not hurt her.

"Very well, but first Emmett and I would appreciate some time to talk to these lovely ladies and get acquainted with them somewhere more private," I demanded. "I'm sure you will need some time to settle on a final total. I'm not interested in negotiating. Workout what I owe you and I'll transfer the money before we leave."

"Of course. Please walk this way. Rose, if you'd take your new friend Mr Emmett to the Blue Room, I'm sure Mr Masen and Izzy would be comfortable in the White Room."

He opened the door and I glanced around inside. It was more subtly set out than the dungeons, where the equipment was all out on show. Here there were handcuffs attached to the bedframe, and manacles high on one wall, but partially covered by white frilly curtains. It could almost pass as a Honeymoon suite, with it's snowy white bed and tantric couch almost looked like just another piece of modern furniture.

The moment the door shut behind us, I pulled Bella into my embrace. My body shook with emotion. We weren't out of here yet, but I finally had her back. She kissed my cheek and licked my neck, hiding her face beneath her long brown hair against my jawline.

"This room is wired," she whispered in my ear. "In fact, I think there may be a live stream into Aro's chambers, so behave as you would if I were a brand new acquisition."

I sat her down on the vast white bed and sat beside her.

"How may I please you, Master?" she asked.

"Tell me something about yourself, Izzy."

"Sure. I'm new to this company, but I've worked with two of Aro's current employees before. Rose and I used to be employed by Marcus Jacobs; I'm sure you have heard of him."

"Indeed," I replied."I'm surprised he let you go and agreed to you working for Aro instead."

"I may have been a little economical with what I told him I intended doing as my new career," she admitted.

"Have you spoken to Mr Marcus lately?" I checked.

"Just this morning I let him know I was enjoying my new position here. He was happy for me. Apparently my friend Claire told him all my news. She is a great friend; it seems she is even recommending new customers to come here. I am really glad about that. I was beginning to think I was so well settled in here that I would never leave."

So, it seemed Aro had welcomed her into his employ and refused to let her go again. She did need rescuing, but at least I got here before he started investigating what other roles she could fulfil for his customers.

"Who was the other person here you have worked with previously?"I asked.

"Oh, just a man named Riley. He's the Dungeon Master for the customers who prefer some male company. He loves his work and never plans to leave."

Okayyy. Riley had apparently found a lifestyle that appealed to him, against all odds. I guess he has changed his mind completely about the desirability of white picket fences.

"He also helps any female customers with various needs they may have and he's very satisfied with his work."

"How would you feel about being employed by me?" I questioned.

"A change is as good as a holiday. I'm sure it would be a very interesting career move," she answered. "I would do my best to be everything you wanted me to be."

"I would like to see you naked, " I managed to say in an even voice, even though I knew this meant other eyes would also see her body via the hidden camera. We had to play out a realistic scene of what would be required of a girl like the girl Bella was pretending to be.

"I'm not into inflicting pain onto women. I prefer to hear them moan in pleasure rather than agony but I should warn you, that may change in the future."

Like as soon as I got her home and punished her for getting herself into this extremely dangerous situation. She held my gaze steadily, accepting that there would be fireworks of a whole different kind later.

"Of course. I know men's tastes can evolve overtime. I'm ready for whatever you desire from me."

I helped her peel the costume from her body, and indicated she should stand before me and turn around slowly so I could inspect every inch of her pale ivory skin.

"Would you care to share a shower with me?" I asked, stripping my own clothes off.

She faked surprise and a little fear at the size of my manhood.

"Of course, whatever Sir desires," she replied, waiting so she could follow two steps behind as I headed into the adjoining shower room.

The water cascaded over us both, and she instantly got to her knees. I was glad we had done everything together so many times before. I knew her limits and I asked her to use her hand around the base of my penis as she started to take me inside her mouth. I wasn't about to choke her with a deep throating just for the camera.

She complied and I leaned my hands either side of the tiled walls and shut my eyes, not wanting to betray the emotional attachment to the girl at my feet. We'd just met, after all, and she was to be my sex slave, not my life partner, as far as Aro knew.

I shuddered and stepped back, sparing her as my body convulsed in pleasure.

"That was excellent. You will soon learn what I prefer and what I don't like," I stated as I grabbed her hand and walked her towards the tantra chair, pushing her face down over the undulating surface.

A dish of condoms, and fortunately a new tube of lube had been set out for use, so I coated my fingers and pushed them inside her before putting the rubber on myself, then stood behind her, placing my hands on her hips.

This had been the trickiest position to make comfortable for Bella but we had practised it enough for me to know she could take it, and how many men who just purchased a woman for his own use wanted to look into her eyes as he ravished her body?

I knew it looked uncaring as I thrust inside her, but in reality she was used to this and often had asked me to do it this way. Sometimes Bella liked it rough.

Of course it still bothered me that I was treating her like a piece of meat and couldn't even bend down and kiss her back and shoulders as I usually did while pounding her this way, but this was a 'try before you buy', not a session of lovemaking.

I pulled her upright and mauled her breasts with my hands, and roughly mouthed her neck, leaving red welts behind. I felt like an animal and hoped she would forgive me for this necessary display of raw lust, and then, just as I started to despair of having to use her like this, she clenched.

She clenched.

It was much more than just Bella taking control in a way that was not obvious to anyone but myself, it was her way of assuring me this was alright. Not only alright, but she was enjoying herself as well, to the point where she would have cried out in ecstasy had I kept on thrusting hard like that. She'd pushed me over the edge so she could calm down and not join in herself.

It was certainly not a requirement that I gave her a good time, only that she pleased me.

Anything that looked like mutual desire or love would wreck everything.

I slapped her behind as I pulled out, and walked away without a backward glance as I removed the latex and showered again.

"That was pretty good for a first time," I stated, rubbing my hair dry on a towel as I walked back into the bedroom. " I think you have a lot of potential. You will be useful at my parties. I hope Emmett is finding Rose just as satisfactory.

Tonight we can swap and be sure you both please me but now I just want to tie up this deal and go home. There will be a list of duties for you to familiarize yourself with, though you and Rose can share the load between you and choose whatever fits in with each's particular talents when Emmett's away and I have you both at my disposal. And you two will be required to help in Bree's training."

"Of course," she agreed, no doubt wondering who the heck Bree was.

"Go shower and dress and I'll complete the deal with Aro."

Magically, Aro was ready and waiting. I transferred the funds to the value of the agreed market price for three women, and managed to shake his hand without killing him or barfing.

"I'm a little sad to lose Izzy so soon. I never got to experience her for myself yet. I had plans

for tonight, actually, but I don't expect they will happen now?" he asked hopefully. "It looked like you were having a lot of fun with her."

Wanker.

"Actually, I have back to back meetings booked in the States and need to leave immediately. I will recommend your establishment to my friends and colleagues," I promised. "Could someone please fetch Emmett and Rose."

Bella appeared at my side, her eyes avoiding mine.

"Farewell, Izzy. I shall miss you," Aro simpered, kissing her hands. "Be a good girl for Mr Masen or he will have to thrash you into submission."

Bree joined us at the door, her eyes terrified now. Maybe she was thinking better the devil you know, after all. Rose took her arm and gave her a warm smile, and we walked outside, inhaling deeply of the clean air.

As the gates clanged shut behind us, I was almost tempted to stay in UC and work towards destroying the man and his vile, disgusting business, but Bella looked up at me and I knew I would resign, and settle for an ordinary life. Someone else could return and do what had to be done, but my place was beside Bella.

xxxx

"So, Edward Cullen, we meet again," Rose said with a laugh as we climbed into my limo and headed for the luxury townhouse. There were things to be done before we could fly out of here.

"I heard all about your romance," Bella informed me as she sat as close as humanly possible beside me, her fingers interwoven with mine. All the anger and despair had dissipated for now but I knew it would be back. At the moment it was enough just to know she was safe and undamaged.

"That was a long time ago," I replied. "Anyway, I have a feeling Rose will be a much better match for Emmett."

"You said it brother," Emmett yawned. "I can't wait to hear what the 'rents have to say about Rosie. She and I are a very good fit, methinks."

"I can't believe you never introduced us when you and I were dating," Rose complained.

"I thought even back then that you two would hit it off and I'd be left out in the cold," I replied. "It didn't suit me then, but it does now. Good luck to you both."

Bella and I snuggled together and I barely noticed the other pair of brown eyes fixed on me. Bree had pressed herself as far into the corner as she could manage and seemed to be hoping we may forget she existed.

"So, what's happening with Bree here?" Rose asked, just as I was about to speak and reassure the girl I had merely bought her to set her free, not to force her to join us in some sick game as she no doubt imagined.

"Do you have family here in Italy, Bree?" I asked.

She shook her head silently.

"Then where did you come from?" Rose asked. "How did you end up at Aro's castle? Edward's not going to hurt you, he wants to give you your former life back. He isn't some predator."

She looked at Rose, her eyes enormous with relief.

"I don't know what happened. I was on a cruise ship with some family friends. My parents died recently in an airline crash and the cruise was supposed to cheer me up. We were all in the one stateroom, my single bunk was just across from their bed and we all had hot chocolate for supper and went to sleep. I remember feeling someone carrying me but I couldn't make my eyes open.

I was in and out of consciousness for what seemed like weeks, then I finally woke up there, in that place.

I had no idea what happened or who they were, and when I asked, I was chained to a wall. Every time I fought back or ignored a command, some big dark haired guy thrashed me."

"Well, we need to know where to take you. Where do you live?" Emmett asked.

"I was about to be placed with foster parents. I didn't want to go there," she said quietly. "They were strangers. There's nobody left who could take me. No family."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Edward?" Emmett asked.

"Mom and Dad would love to offer you a safe place to live. They'd see to it that you finished your education and would keep you safe. Would you want to go live with them? You can meet them first before you decide, but I'm pretty sure Esme would be beyond thrilled to have a girl to raise after us three boys. You can think about it."

"She may be on the Missing Children's List somewhere," Emmett reminded me.

"But she has no relatives; nowhere to go. Better to just leave her with Mom," I replied. There was no way Aro could ever check upon her if she lived with them in Forks. There was no way anyone from his business would visit that town as a tourist and see her there.

This was the best option.

"I can get her the necessary papers," Emmett said with a nod."Do you like your name, because if you want to change it, tell me now."

We stayed inside the apartment, ordering room service while Emmett went to visit one of his 'contacts' whom he appeared to have in any country we had ever visited, and he came back with a very genuine looking passport for Bree Elizabeth Cullen. He'd also collected Rose's papers from where she'd stashed them in a long term locker at the railway station, so we were good to go.

Much as I wanted to just take Bella to bed and kiss every inch of her body, it felt too risky to remain here a moment longer than necessary, so we settled for merely holding hands as we sat together on the plane ride home.

We had a lot to say to one another, but there would be time for that later, when we were alone.

For now, we just wanted to walk on American soil again.


	13. Chapter 13

It's Murder

Chapter 13

The End

All night long all I could think about was the joy I felt in having Bella home again, safe and sound. She was clearly exhausted, physically and mentally, and as excited as she was to be back, she fell asleep in my arms before either of us indicated our desire to wipe out the memory of the 'sex test' at Aro's with proper love making.

That was okay; fine; I had no expectations that the first night home would be a marathon of reconciliation. All I needed was to feel the warmth of her body beside mine and listen to her breathing.

Tomorrow she would face Marcus and I'd be there sitting in, hearing every word about what she had endured.

I barely slept but it didn't matter, I'd become used to sleeping the bare minimum while she was away and I was happy just watching her face as she slept beside me.

It was quiet. Emmett and Rose were down several flights in the old apartment and I imagined things were noisier down there, knowing that pair as I did. In a way I envied their ability to just accept one another so completely without being bothered about one another's pasts, but I already knew they both were wired that way.

When Rose and I dated, and I'd felt the time had come for 'the talk' where we each confessed how many former sexual partners we had enjoyed, she'd shrugged the conversation away and said she really did not care and had no interest exchanging war stories with me. We were now together, and that was all that mattered.

I admit I did wonder if that meant she had rather more sex partners than me, but I accepted her view that maybe it really was something we didn't have to wade through. No names, no numbers.

We'd been a fairly good match but she was the girl who expressed never wanting children and my interest in her had instantly waned.

I had no idea of course if her views had now changed, but on the other hand, I wasn't even sure how much Emmett wanted a family so it was something they'd work out together, if they lasted. I thought they just might. They were so well suited.

She had never been the girl for me but honestly, soon after I met her when I was in New York at my aborted attempt to attend medical school, it had occurred to me early in our romance that Emmett would just love her.

Those words often popped into my head when she related some of her more ribald stories, and it never occurred to her to tone them down or substitute more acceptable words to describe the men involved in these shenanigans. All I could think was, My God, this girl is the female version of Emmett.

So naturally I never took her home to meet the family.

In breaks she and I had travelled instead, and I must admit I have some fond memories of our trips to Paris and London. The woman could shop like a demon. She could shop for the Olympics if there were a category for women who bargain shopped in the shortest time.

She was studying fashion and design and I'd thought that career choice was obvious and perfect for her.

While I knew many of us had started down one pathway before realizing we were going in the wrong direction and had to branch off, I truly had not expected Rose to be amongst us. Her path had seemed so perfect and preordained almost.

My life had hit that second speed bump around then; the first having been the 'Tanya' incident; but this one had seemed as large and disorienting as that one all the same.

I thought I wanted to be a doctor, regardless of it already being Carlisle's profession. I didn't really think he'd influenced my choice, then one day when talking on the phone to Esme, she'd commented about how she and Dad had 'always known' I would follow this path, and she'd laughed about much it had paid off, Dad buying me my first doctor's kit when I turned three.

After I'd hung up, I'd felt a little as if I'd been manipulated to study medicine and started questioning my choice. Was it even _my_ choice at all, or had I been brainwashed to want to be a doctor from the beginning?

Rose, who'd I'd adored for ages had proven to be so different to what I'd thought, and that vague, imagined future had evaporated like a hologram running out of energy, and she had moved on quickly, without a backward glance. I was questioning my life, my choice in women and my chosen career path, and suddenly it just felt like I was wearing someone else's shoes.

I'd struggled with a new direction to take, unsure what career would suit me now medicine was ruled out, and then I'd watched a lot of tv to fill in time between various hook ups I'd indulged in, not ready to commit to anyone new for quite some time.

The 'Tanya' influence was knocking me for six again, as it had over the years, and parting from Rose had re enforced that maybe there was no right woman out there for me anyway. I'd never thought Rose was my One and Only Forever girl, but then, I didn't really think there was such a creature for me. I'd thought she was Good Enough, and isn't that all there is?

I'd thought so at the time.

So, I basically wallowed for some months, unsure what to do next. I drank too much to break the monotony; ate fast food, and forgot to bathe.

I wandered around my apartment, restless and sick of my own company.

The only companion I had was television.

Of course there were a million cop shows on tv, and I guess that's what gave me the idea of joining the ranks of good against evil.

Now I knew it was the path I had to walk to meet the woman who really had been made for me all along.

My Bella.

So beautiful.

So trusting.

So special.

So perfect.

I felt a little strange at that thought and my stomach clenched.

Not quite perfect, Edward.

Not perfect enough to value our relationship and future above her desire to find Riley.

Not perfect enough to just come home once Rose had informed her he was alive and safe.

No, she had risked everything; her very life, to go into that dark pit and seek him out.

Okay, I'd wanted her to stand face to face with him, but not at any expense. I'd never wanted her to risk her very life to speak to him.

Of course I was extremely pissed at Marcus, as well, for letting her go in. There had been missed calls from him on my phone; the phone I had not dared take with me when I went to the castle to make my purchases. I assumed he had tried to call to tell me finally exactly where she was.

Restless, I kissed her sleeping form quickly and slid from her bed.

The light from the rising sun was just tingeing the horizon a light gold/pink, and I gazed outside and tried to shake off this feeling of doubt and fear.

Was she good for me?

Was I the lamb, walking into the lion's den?

Would I get the life I craved with her? Could she give it to me?

I loved her, of that there was no doubt.

I even believe she loves me almost as much in return, but this escapade spoke volumes.

I had raced in after her as quickly as possible to bring her home safely, because for me there had been no other option. For my life to proceed, I needed Bella back.

But for her, had she even considered that she was risking our future by her actions? Aro could have imprisoned her forever. She could have spent her life chained to a wall, providing entertainment and pleasure for maybe hundreds of men, unwillingly no doubt but that was irrelevant.

If she really, truly cared about us, she would have never entered that castle.

She knew what she was jeopardizing.

She knew she was placing what we shared on the line, and had Claire moved on before I arrived in Italy, or been staying over at some man's apartment, I would not have had any idea where Bella was.

Even if Claire had simply been the type of girl who subscribed to the idea what happened in Italy, stayed in Italy, and hadn't spoken to me that morning, Bella and Rose would both have simply slipped off the radar like Riley had.

Sure, 'Izzy' had told me she had talked to Marcus, but I wasn't sure that was even true or just part of the act because she knew Aro was listening. She'd managed to convey to me that she could not leave voluntarily but what if my leg had not healed as fast as it had? What if I'd had normal bones and couldn't have gone searching for her for another month; or just another week, or even another day?

Aro had made plans to enjoy her company that very night.

Aro was not a man to require consent from his 'dates'. He would have ravaged her body with or without her permission.

At best, she would have been left raped and no doubt beaten for her lack of cooperation when she fought back, as we all know she would have.

A girl like Rose may have been able to suck it up and play out the scene with the man she despised the most in the world, and managed to shut the experience away in some hidden compartment in her mind, and write it off as just something she'd had to endure for the job, but not Bella.

Never Bella.

Her choices would have been to break and fall apart when she eventually told me what happened to her, or, more likely, to keep the whole thing from me and try to pretend it never happened.

Either way, it would have spoiled things between us.

Her perceived guilt for 'cheating' on me; for allowing another man inside her, no matter that she had no say, would have changed her. Because she was the one who put herself in the position where that would have happened.

Nobody had drugged her hot chocolate and stolen her away in the night.

Wasn't what we shared important enough to influence her choices?

Most women would have thanked Rose, declined her offer to get her into that nightmare place, and shrugged off being unable to speak to a man who after all, she had claimed over and over was nothing to her now. So, I would never have gotten the satisfaction of knowing Bella saw him face to face and chose me. That I could live with. Sure, I wanted her to have closure, but not at any price. I thought she had the sense to walk away if necessary.

If I'd had lingering doubts that I'd been wrong about Rose, and been faced with the same choice; to go inside Aro's domain to see her again just to be sure I wasn't hankering after what we'd shared years before, I'd have said No and come home, because my future with Bella was far more important than anything else.

Hell, even if Rose had been able to contact Marcus, and had needed rescuing, I would never have agreed to go in after her. Someone else could have done what I did. There were no photos of Edward Anthony Masen. Any of the UC squad could have become him.

I'd risked my life and freedom myself, but only for Bella's safe return.

I'd have never done it for Rose.

And Bella had not even gone in to save Riley, merely to see him again.

What did this all mean?

Emmett accuses me regularly of over thinking everything, but I was seriously concerned, and found myself longing for a cigarette.

Oh for the days when nicotine was the biggest threat to my future and happiness.

I gazed at the sleeping form before me and knew she held me in the palm of her hand. I was merely her puppet, and she could use me however she chose.

My only other choice was to walk away and maybe save myself, but did I even want to live if the world I existed in was a world without Bella?

It felt like she was as essential as the air I breathed.

Yet she had risked forcing me to live in that world, anyway.

What if Aro had grown tired when she resisted him and had decided she wasn't worth the struggle? Maybe he didn't even care if his 'dates' were breathing, so long as their bodies were still warm. Maybe he would have had one of his henchman break her neck to end her screams.

How could she have done that to me?

How could she have risked us, risked everything?

Did I even know her at all?

xxxx

I made breakfast and eventually Bella came downstairs and my heart lifted at the sight of her, warm and rumpled, her hair wild and knotted from sleeping. She wore an old shirt of mine, and it looked so much better on her body. She looked sexy, sure, but more than that she looked so small and vulnerable and incredibly precious, and the words I'd been rehearsing in my head disappeared as I took her into my arms and kissed her.

"I love you more than my own life. You are my life now," I admitted.

She smiled up at me, oblivious to the torment she had caused me.

"So, what did you cook for me? Eggs? Awesome. What time do I have to face Marcus? It's not going to be pretty."

"You said he knew what you intended doing," I faltered, confused.

"Well, he did know where I was, once Aro called him to check on my background as one of his 'subs'. I may have avoided asking his permission to go in there. I kind of winged it and just hoped he'd play along, and he did. He twigged the only reason Aro Volturi would be calling him was to check my resume. "

"Marcus never knew you were going to go into Aro's den?" I echoed back at her. I couldn't believe this. She had gone in without any permission? Without any back up, apart from Rose, who would have been as much a victim herself had Aro picked upon any clues they were not what they appeared.

Riley would not have been any help, with him defecting to the Dark Side as he had.

Aro had never been arrested and charged with any wrongdoings ever, and why was that? Because anyone willing to testify against him disappeared.

The man was a killer.

A cold blooded, ruthless murderer.

I couldn't speak, so I left her to her omelette and went to shower and dress while inside I simmered with rage.

I swear if this apartment had come with a 'games room' she would now be manacled to it's wall and feeling the taste of leather against her back, because I would have whipped some sense into her, no matter how much I loved her.

Maybe because I loved her.

I felt her looking at me as I drove her to work in silence. I didn't want to attack her until I knew all the facts.

She chatted nervously, going on about the art galleries she had visited and paintings she had seen, and I merely bit my lip and nodded now and then.

Marcus, on the other hand, greeted her with unbridled rage and tore several strips off her before asking her any questions.

He screamed what I had managed to suppress.

"I cannot believe you thought that was a good idea, Swan. Only a complete moron would put themselves in that position. You do realize at some point Aro would have decided to 'test the goods' right? No businessman hires a new recruit and believes every word her past employer has written or spoken. You were willing to let that man defile you just to speak to Riley Biers, even though Rose had told you she'd seen Riley with her own eyes and knew he was fine? And what if you hadn't been to Aro's liking? Do you have any idea how many girls simply disappear when they don't make the grade? He doesn't send them back home to their Mommies, he kills them, Bella. You are a professional, for God's sake. You went in knowing the man was barely human. He's an animal. You did get that, right?"

She struggled to excuse her actions and he cut her off every time she tried.

"I'm glad you resigned, because if you hadn't, I'd have kicked you out anyway. And what about this fiance of yours? Did you give him a single thought. Not to mention Edward. The man was going insane. If you'd died in there you would have ruined Edward's life. I can't pretend to understand what it is between you two, seeing he supposedly married someone else, but I'm not blind. I know he loves you to distraction. I know he put up his own money, Bella, to buy you from that monster. He's virtually bankrupted himself to get you home. Not that he cares about the money. He'd have died to save you. My God, if this had ended badly the man would have been off the nearest cliff without further thought. If Aro had killed you, he would have been begging the man to kill him as well. Did any of this even occur to you?"

I could barely stand the ranting and left the room, leaving her to face his wrath alone. She deserved every word.

Rose was sitting in an interview room, and it seemed she had been there for hours, not at home with my brother as I thought. I sat in on the end of her debriefing as a distraction from what was happening in that other room.

"So Riley Biers is indeed in deep and completely has Aro's trust?"

"Completely. He's quite confident Aro has accepted he loves the lifestyle and wants to stay forever. He has everything in place to bring the monster down. I had no idea his plans were so advanced though or I would never have given in to Bella's pleas for me to take her in there to see him. I believe he would have brought the whole operation down days ago if I hadn't done that. But I'm sure he will proceed as planned now she's gone."

"And he is Aro's right hand man, and has all the details we will need to smash this ring at the source?"

"Absolutely. Aro Volturi is about to pay for his crimes and Riley has secreted out enough proof to have that creature face the death penalty a dozen times over."

"Is this young girl, Bree, any use as a witness against him?"

"There's no need. The case won't need witnesses. It's all over bar the shouting. Riley knows where the bodies are buried, literally. He helped Aro dispose of some himself and he says there were..."

Rose faltered and almost retched. She shook herself.

"There were hundreds. He tosses them into a pit in the bowels of the dungeon where nobody else has access. He doesn't burn the remains or anything. Just leaves them all to rot. "

"Thank you, Rose. Marcus is going to be one very happy man once he listens to this. You should go home and get some rest. No doubt he'll be wanting to hear some of this from your own lips once he's through debriefing Bella."

The forensic teams would have their work cut out for them identifying the dead girls, but at least there would not be any more added to the pile. Riley had done his job and managed to get himself into a position of trust far closer than any agent before him.

The man was a hero.

A superhero.

Bella had no idea.

xxxx

I spent the hours that followed tying up the paperwork on other closed cases. Regardless of what happened here today, I was done.

I was returning to Forks, and continuing my medical studies.

Whether or not Bella came with me, I was going.

It may sound crazy that I even needed to find it in my heart to forgive her, but I did. She may have just been doing her job, but the way she had done it...

No doubt she would need time to consider her options as well.

By lunchtime, I was headed for my old apartment to gather up whatever I'd left behind, then I went back to Bella's and packed everything there up as well.

In a way,I wished I could take the coward's way out and leave her a note, but I couldn't.

She knew, the moment she walked through the door and saw my face.

"You're leaving," she stated. It wasn't a question.

"I think we both need some time apart to think about things and be sure what we want," I replied.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Edward. I wasn't thinking. I just got caught up with seeing Rose again and the two of us were always doing crazy shit, and just for one single moment it seemed like a good idea.

It was a momentary indiscretion. That's all. A stupid selfish decision. It doesn't have to wreck everything. I love you. I love you."

"Bella, when you did what you did, I was the last person on your mind, or you would never have done it. What does that tell you?"

"It wasn't about Riley, if that's what you were thinking. He truly is nothing to me, Edward. I'm begging you to believe that."

"I do believe you. What you feel or don't feel about him doesn't bother me at all. In fact, had you realized you loved him, it would have been better; more understandable. I could have accepted you did what you did out of desperation to be with the man you loved, so reason wasn't enough to make you pause and think it through.

It's that even though you love me, you still jeopardized everything we have together without a second thought that kills me. I just don't know... I don't know if you are good for me. I need to think about what our future would be like if you never put me first, like I always do for you.

I'm sure on the surface we could manage to look like the perfect couple, but I'd always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. For you to act irresponsibly without thought again, and what if this happens after we are married, and have children, Bella.

What if next time it's not just me whose world you risk destroying?

I love you, we both know that; God, everyone else knew before we did. That probably will never change. But before we go any further, I have to consider what I can cope with, and whether this is more an addiction than a relationship.

I'm addicted to you, you are a drug to me. You are my own personal form of heroin and I'll always crave you, but the question is, will you kill me? Am I better off going through the agony of withdrawal if it means someday I'll get over my dependence on you? Right now, I depend entirely on you for my happiness, and that's never a good thing.

Everyone has to make their own happiness.

I'll always love you and desire you and want you, but I also need you, and I need to know, even without you, I could go on. Until I truly know that you could not completely destroy me, I need to make a life for myself apart from you."

" But I have nothing now. No career... Where should I go? What should I do?" she uttered.

What was it Rhett Butler said to Scarlett?

_Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn?_

The problem was, I did give a damn.

I needed to get away from her and find myself, and it would be a test of faith, but if we were meant to be together someday, and stay together forever, we would.

One day, when the time was right.

I walked towards the door and looked back one last time.

Shakespeare was right.

Parting was such sweet sorrow.

XXXXX

**A/N Yes, there will be a sequel, if desired by you readers, let me know. I know some people like stories that have an open ending for you to fill in yourself, but I never do. If you read any of my 49 stories on my "Zosie" page, you know the most favourite thing for me is getting Edward and Bella back together no matter what has gone down.**


	14. Chapter 14

Its Murder Sequel

Chapter 1

BPOV

The inside of the clinic was no more appealing than the outside, but then, nobody came here to critique it's architecture or decor.

I was glad we'd come here on one of the few days pro-life protestors had family holiday commitments and weren't out there screaming at us and waving their placards as we walked inside. I'd probably have turned and run.

And this was where I had to be, today of all days.

Rose sat on a chair madly sending soppy text messages to her new love, Emmett.

I paced the floor and tried not to vomit.

Was vomiting even possible when I hadn't eaten for days? The thought of it had made me ill.

I guess I'd never expected to walk through a door such as this one, and sit in a waiting area like this one, waiting for some life hardened nurse to call the name of the next patient, who would only be here for the short space of time it took to do what had to be done.

Recovery time was just a few hours, then the newly unpregnant patient got to return home to spend a few days in her bed.

I dearly wished this had never become necessary.

Offers of lifelong emotional support and free babysitting any time hadn't changed anything.

Rose had been determined to end this tragedy today.

"Bella, I know you hate me for doing this but it is completely necessary, believe me. I'm grateful you came with me, but calm down, please, or you'll have me climbing the walls right along with you."

I sat down and crossed my legs but the upper one still jiggled.

"I don't hate you, Rose. I could never hate you. I hate that you have to do this, and I can't say I'd ever choose it for myself, but then, I've never been in a position to have to decide, Thank God. Are you absolutely sure this is the only option?" I asked again, for the twentieth time.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"I guess not knowing who the father is might be a common reason some women end up here," I theorized.

"Sometimes not knowing is better than knowing with absolute certainty. I wish it was that simple. If I had any hope that this wasn't put inside me by that...that.. _man_ I'd take a chance and just hope somebody else knocked me up first before he got his hands on me."

That just confused me.

The whole time I'd been in Italy, Rose had apparently worked as Dungeon Mistress and thus had no sexual contact with any of the clients there. And because Aro only let her leave for a few hours once a week, to go lure new girls into his den, she had hardly found time to fool around one would assume.

Then next thing she's being 'trialled' by Emmett and since then, he's been her only lover.

It doesn't add up. How can she be just a few weeks pregnant if it's not Emmett's and she is completely sure it isn't?

Of course she's really angry that this ever happened. Rose has always used a ton of contraceptive measures to make sure she never ended up in a clinic like this, so what the Hell happened?

She won't explain and I've stopped asking. I decided it would be better to concentrate on trying to convince her to keep the baby, for the length of the pregnancy at least, even if she didn't choose to raise it.

She'd barely even pretended to listen and consider what I was saying anyway, and then finally she'd completely lost her temper and screamed at me, saying it was all my fault and I should shut the fuck up before she forgot how long we'd been friends and stabbed me to death.

So I'd shut up.

"Rosalie Hale," the nurse said and Rose stood shakily and handed me her cell phone.

"Ignore any calls or texts, I'll deal with them later. Emmett thinks I'm in a debriefing, by the way."

I watched sadly as she walked away inside the inner hallway, and sat down to wait and pray she got through this, physically and mentally intact.

How long did it take to end a potential life?

The only silver lining was that this true tragedy had put my own drama into perspective.

I'd stuffed up; Edward had left.

Nobody died.

We'd get over ourselves and move on, or reconcile.

Every minute of every day I hoped and prayed it would be the latter, but today all I could think about was Rose.

I slipped outside and hid at the back of the building and lit up a cigarette. My last ever.

I wished I wasn't so weak but I had to do _something_ with my hands and this seemed like a convenient solution.

I finished my last cigarette and lit my last plus one.

Truly, once this pack is empty, I will never buy another.

I started reciting all the Kings and Queens of England backwards in my head. Then counting in German, by fives.

My head was threatening to explode. I needed a better distraction.

My cell vibrated and I hit Accept Call before it registered in my brain that this was Edward calling.

"Bella Swan," I stated, exhaling.

"Are you smoking?" Edward asked.

"Don't go there. Please. It's about the worst day of my life, so just don't push it.".

"What's happened?" he asked in alarm.

"Nothing to do with us," I answered. "I'm just with a friend and I'm totally torn about being here. I want to offer my support and not burden her with my opposing beliefs to what she is doing, but it's more than that. She said it's all my fault and I don't know how, because I sure didn't...create the obvious result."

"What are you talking about, Bella?"

"I can't explain. If you called to rehash what I did, what you did, all that, can we give it a miss today? I'm on my last nerve here."

"You do sound stressed. Can I help?"

"Nobody can help, Edward. It's too late for that. I offered my friend financial assistance even though I had no way of fulfilling that promise without coming to beg you and your family for money but apparently money can't solve every problem after all. We know that. "

"Do you want to keep talking or do you have something you need to do?"

"Nope, I'm just filling in time and trying to distract myself from what's happening inside this building. Talk to me about something ordinary and common place. Pretend I'm someone who didn't fuck up your life."

"Okay, we aren't going there so I'll ignore that. I've still been looking into what I have to do to get back on track with my medical degree. It's a little daunting. There have been advances in many areas since I quit, so there's a lot to learn."

"You can do it," I replied confidently. My cigarette burned down, untouched.

"I hope so. I don't want to let Carlisle down now he's making all these plans for us to work together here in Forks. He loves this little hospital and he thinks this is an ideal place to raise kids and all that. I don't think he and Mom would ever be able to forgive me if I raised my future family anywhere else."

"Forks is a great place to grow up, I guess, compared to a lot of other places," I replied, stubbing out my cigarette. It held no appeal now.

"I miss you," Edward said, and I felt my throat catch.

"I miss you too."

"We should end this call now while we are both being reasonable," he joked.

Okay, some of our early calls had ended in screaming matches but I think we are both past that now. What happened can't be changed, only accepted, and regretted.

"Thanks for calling," I said, just as the back door opened and the nurse beckoned me.

"Your friend is in recovery if you want to sit with her."

"Thanks," I called back.

"Bella, did she say recovery? Is someone in trouble?" Edward asked worriedly.

"Not any more, Edward. I have to go. Goodbye."

xxxx

The past few weeks had been awful.

Talking on the phone to Edward didn't seem to be resolving anything, and he was staying in Forks until he had his medical stuff sorted.

We'd seen one another just once; at Alice and Jasper's wedding.

While we hadn't gone as partners, neither had either of us taken a 'plus one'. Riley had offered but there was no way I was allowing anyone to get the wrong idea about him being back in my life.

Normal services had in no way resumed.

I was not about to play stupid games to make Edward jealous. Why would he be anyway? He knew he held my heart in the palm of his hand just as I held his.

Normally a wedding would hardly be the place for two estranged people to face one another for the first time, and we had both still held some residual anger at one another, but all in all, we'd behaved ourselves, and not disrupted the nuptials.

At that point, neither of us had been ready to attempt a reconciliation but we had snuck away from the reception and talked.

There was no question of us being over; we both agreed about that one thing, it was just a matter of talking things through and sorting ourselves out.

We had both been incredibly angry at one another but that seemed a reasonable response in the circumstances so we'd agreed to a cooling off period for now.

Rose was staying here in Boston for a little while, until she tied up a few things. She acted as my sounding board but that did not mean by any stretch of the imagination that she was on my side or that she thought I was right. And she wasn't afraid to spell my wrongdoings out to me.

"I don't understand, Rose," I repeated. I guess maybe back then I was still in shock.

"Edward wanted you to see Riley but only if it was safe to do so. If he didn't actually spell it out, it was inferred. Marcus had briefed you fully about how dangerous it was to go into that castle. He'd told you to avoid it, and to simply inform him if you found out some way that Riley was in there.

You had clear lines, Bella. You were told not to cross them.

I told you Riley was safe and just in no position to keep up contact. Like I wasn't, most days, because the whole damned castle is bugged and there are cctv cameras everywhere, even where you can't see them.

Instead of following explicit orders, you placed yourself in danger.

If Riley had been sitting in the middle of the free way, Edward would have expected you to walk away and not go risking your life to cross over to Riley and chat to him while trucks roared past you on both sides. That would be plain stupid.

You going into Aro's was stupid. I should never have agreed to take you but you told me you had Marcus' okay to do so. You faked a phone call, Bella, so I would take you in. And to top it off you put yourself in the incredibly perilous position of expecting Marcus to somehow know what you'd done and authenticate your background story when he didn't even know you were in the castle. He could have blown your cover wide open, and God only knows what Aro would have done to you if he'd twigged. You are so lucky Marcus realized what was happening so quickly. Jesus, Bella, cold calling the Boss for an alibi...fuck you have balls, I'll give you that."

"Okay, fine, I was wrong. I made a professional mistake and I'm paying for it at work. But Edward walked away from me, Rose. Surely I didn't deserve that."

"That mistake could have devastated your personal life. You scared the crap out of him. I'd wager he's never been in love before and he was shocked at how much he needs you, and how desolate he would have been if...

It's harder for men, to know some little one hundred pound woman could wreak havoc in their carefully planned lives. He likes calling the shots and making the decisions, I'm sure you have noticed by now. Okay, what you did was reckless but you rattled his cage and he needed that. He'll be back. Just give him some time to calm down."

"He knows I have issues with being abandoned," I whined.

"Yeah, and he has issues with loving someone who didn't think to keep herself safe for him. You truly didn't consider what could have happened to you. Aro's a vicious bastard and it took me years to get permission to go in and work for him.

Marcus only agreed when it seemed Aro's main interest in hiring me was to use me to lure other women and girls into working there as well. Everyone I've recruited has been an undercover agent. I honestly thought that's why you'd been sent in. So I could get another gold star for another successful recruitment.

I didn't realize I should have checked up on you and made sure Marcus had agreed. I trusted you, like Edward trusted you, and you broke that trust. You put us both in a very dangerous position and as well as that, you being there could have wrecked Riley's whole operation to bring the place down. He postponed everything until we were safely out."

"You could have left at any time," I retorted. "Aro had no problem with letting you go in and out at will."

"Bella, he refused to let you leave again once you went in, because he didn't trust you yet. I was hardly going to walk out of there while he kept you inside. At least while I was there with you, he didn't get to test your 'training'."

I remember her face blanched as she said that , and she looked ill.

"It was inevitable that one day he would, no matter who did what to try and stop him. I could only postpone the inevitable. How do you think Edward would have felt if that had happened to you?"

"Did Aro do something to you?" I had asked. I know I would have freaked out if that man had touched me, and probably got both Rose and myself killed.

" When I first met Aro, Rose King had a reputation in place long beforehand and as far as he could determine, I'd climbed up through the ranks already in Marcus' enterprise, which was supposedly similar to his, so he took me on as a Dungeon Mistress who had already done her time as a Sub, then every other step up the ladder until I got to that position.

I gained his trust over time, in various ways.

I actually managed to stay out of his bed in all that time," she said proudly but she still looked defeated." Anyway, I don't talk about what happens on the job to friends. I've been in a lot of situations that very few people have ever been in, and what I've done to survive those situations is really nobody's business but my own."

"Well, what do I do now?" I asked her. I had no idea.

"Maybe take some time to consider your future, and who knows? Just because you two are madly in love doesn't mean you'll be good together. Some couples are toxic and bring out the worst in one another. Think about it. Are you good for him? Is he good for you? Would you be better as friends? Look at you and Jacob. Great as friends, but rubbish as a couple. Anyway, enjoy this time apart, whatever happens in the future. Think of it as breathing space. Seriously, you know he will be back.

Emmett said he was going crazy while you were gone, and then when you stopped contacting him, he was completely insane. The poor bastard loves you too much."

"I've fucked up everything, haven't I?"

"You have both made mistakes, that's true. Who hasn't? Now he needs some time to think things through, so how about you prove to us all that you've learned your lesson and can look after yourself by getting back to work."

"Marcus really didn't want to keep me on the payroll, you know."

"Of course he didn't. You became a liability, instead of an asset. He sent you in as a trusted agent and you behaved like a bratty child. If it wasn't for the Big Boss being so pleased about how everything ended up with Aro being taken down, and his whole enterprise being destroyed, and all those women saved...face it, you only got that commendation because you were part of the team; not for anything you actually achieved.

It was a blanket award. We all got them just for being there, not for how much or how little we each individually actually contributed to the end result.

It was enough to get you reinstated in the squad, but Marcus won't send you out in the field for years, I expect. You may as well take a transfer to Accounting, because I predict you have a few years of paper pushing regardless of which squad you are on."

She was right about that.

So far my Boss had simmered while begrudgingly taking me back and I'd copped every job that involved paperwork. A paper cut was the biggest threat to my person. I didn't even get to go fetch his coffee. Nope, these days it was mainly sitting on dusty floors in dusty sub basements, searching through ancient records for files I was pretty sure he didn't even need.

It was like being sent to the Time Out corner.

But it was a job.

I had my job, and I had my apartment and I had my friends, but I didn't have Edward, the main thing I wanted in my life.

Naturally, things got worse before they got better.

Alice and Jasper had decided to stay in Forks, so I never saw them or Tommy.

Emmett had to go back to work, so he had gone as well. And where Emmett went, Rose would soon follow.

Before Emmett left, they'd been living together in Edward's apartment, which was for sale, so I was rattling around my apartment alone every night, just living with regrets.

Just as I figured nothing could be worse, Riley turned up on my doorstep.

Naturally my first thought was that he thought we could just take up again where we'd left off and halfway through my tirade, he silenced me and pointed out as I'd used his money as well as my own to buy the apartment, legally he was entitled to live here. He took the largest bedroom on the lower floor; Alice's room, and painted it again and refurbished it to his taste.

Then he took Tommy's nursery and made it into his study.

He's quiet and considerate and we get along, but it's still weird, sharing a house with an ex.

I don't recommend it.

He is however, a sounding board for my problems so I do take advantage of that. I reciprocate by listening when he needs to talk.

His main concern is, having lived the lifestyle the last job demanded of him, that he's lost his self respect and feels he has nothing to offer a 'decent' woman.

It makes me wonder how much 'sharing' of one's past is a good thing. Maybe Rose's attitude is better than holding your hand up to your mistakes.

"You need a woman who only cares about the way you treat her, not whatever crap your job forced you to do. You are not Jeremiah Riley, Dungeon Master. It was just a role. You are Riley Biers and he's a great guy. Don't forget that," I told him.

It's horrible but probably inevitable that he feels sullied by what he had to do. In the grand scheme of things, he did so much good for the world that surely the sins he had forced on him were forgivable. He didn't kill anyone; just helped dispose of their bodies.

The clients he whipped were paying for the experience.

Obviously there were grey areas I didn't know about, but like Rose said, you do what you have to to survive and get the job done.

As he couldn't actually be telling any girlfriend he may meet about his cases, why not keep all the details to himself, and not tell her anything?

It's not a question many girls ask men when they begin dating.'how are you with a whip'?

Anyway, he's currently on extended leave, and may never go back.

With all the wages that accumulated in his bank account while he was gone, he's planning on buying a nightclub. To get some experience running one, he's got a job as bar manager in a place in a nearby town.

Spending this much time face to face has shown us both that there's not even a single ember left between us. We are long done, and nothing could revive any former passion. But maybe, like Jake and me, we can be friends.

xxxx

Rose followed Emmett home this week, after spending the last six days recuperating in my apartment.

She's announced whatever happened is now in the past and never to be talked about, so I guess I'll never know the facts. Of course it bothers me that she said what she did and I know I'm being cowardly not just saying out loud the only conclusion I can come to.

She sacrificed herself to save me, and let Aro do things to her that night when he came into the dungeon and invited me to go 'get to know him better'.

Rose had jumped forward and complained that she'd been there longer and he'd never asked her to his chambers, so he'd taken her instead, telling me there was always tomorrow night.

Only tomorrow night had never come, Thank God.

Edward had arrived and bought our freedom.

There was no way I could ever adequately thank Rose and Edward for saving me from that horror, but if either of them ever asked, I would try without hesitation.

xxxx

Days might be monotonous and I come home from work covered in dust and probably spider webs, but at least by day I'm around other people and a few of my squad mates have lunch when I do, so I do get some general conversation.

Nights I stay in my bedroom and television has become my friend.

I email Alice, and she answers but she although she talks about Jasper, and Tommy, and the other Cullen's, she never mentions Edward.

I don't ask.

I take some comfort from thinking about the first time he called me as I lay in the dark and tried to sleep.

I guess most of the anger we'd felt towards one another had dimmed, temporarily, by then, because all I felt was happiness to hear his voice and he sounded much the same.

I had my iPod buds rammed in my ears because Riley was playing some depressing guitar music in his room, and I felt my cell vibrate.

I didn't care who it was, but I assumed it was Charlie. Anyone willing to talk to me would do. He has seen Edward in Forks Hospital, maybe doing something to arrange his residency thing, so he knows we are apart, and he also knows Riley is living here. Of course he jumped to the same conclusion I had, and despite my assurances that Riley had zero interest in me now, he still calls to check that is still the case.

"Hello Charlie" I said, waiting for the familiar throat clearing followed by his enquiry about how the weather was here before he asked the usual question.

"So, Riley. Are you two still not dating?"

Instead I heard Edward inhale, a sound I would recognize anywhere.

"Edward?"

"Hello Bella. You were expecting it to be Charlie."

"He is about the only male who calls me these days," I replied. "How are you?"

"Busy. Tired. I'd forgotten how full on studying Medicine was. I have to go back and attend some formal classes."

"Are you enjoying it?"

God, we were like mere acquaintances. Jacob and I talked in a more personal manner, even.

"Sure. It's different but I'm getting used to it now. I'm just reading and refreshing my memory at the moment."

"That's great. How's the family? Is Bree settling in okay?"

"She's doing better. It was hard at first. She's mentally and physically damaged but her health is improving. She had to have surgery but she's recovering now."

I didn't want to delve too deeply into that. Maybe she just had a ruptured appendix; nothing associated to her incarceration at the castle.

"Did you call for any particular reason?" I prompted him.

"Just to hear your voice. I miss you."

"I miss you too, Edward."

"I'm sorry for leaving like that. It was unfair of me. I should have stayed and at least spent some time talking everything through."

"I think you did the right thing. We were pretty messed up before that happened in Italy, even."

"We had some problems, but I thought we were working them out," he replied, a little surprised.

"Maybe we were, but as much as I miss you, I do think you were right. We need time to really think about what's the best thing for both of us."

I wasn't being deliberately cruel, but everybody and his dog who felt they needed to give me advice had seen cracks in our relationship that we had closed our eyes to. Maybe love wasn't enough.

"Okay," he agreed hesitantly. " I know I did a terrible thing, breaking my promise to never leave you. Just please tell me there is hope that someday we will try again, and next time we will do things the right way."

"I want that as well, Edward."

"I'll see you at the wedding, then. We'll find a way to talk."

"Good idea. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Bella."

Neither of us said anything more, but we both waited for the other to hang up. I liked listening to him breathe. In many ways I wished we could turn the clock back to our days in the little apartment downstairs, when he slept on my sofa bed. We were so close then, and if only we'd waited just a little longer and started dating like normal people instead of all the other stuff we'd probably have stood a good chance of being together, maybe married by now, if we had done it right.

Finally, he cut the connection, so I hung up as well.

I replayed the conversation over again and again in my mind, as I lay there in the dark, but the happiness his call had brought me dissipated when I realized he'd not said he still loved me, and Edward always liked saying that.

The world is a big scary place when nobody loves you.

I fell asleep on a pillow dampened by my tears.

xxxx

Things were improving between us gradually since then and things are looking up at work as well.

Marcus needed someone to go undercover as a college student, and I was the only one who looked young enough to pull it off. It was a pretty bland assignment, but the thought of escaping for a while and living someone else's life excited me.

"Apparently the latest initiative is the 'keep drugs out of our schools' push. Or get them out, if they are already there. It's just a straightforward surveillance from the inside. You will be living in a share house off campus and getting to know your housemates. We've chosen them because they smoke dope but don't use anything else. A bit of drinking, inevitably, but no hard drugs. We want to know who is supplying what around the campus, so maybe in time, someone will talk in front of you, and you will tell me.

You won't be tempted to date the supplier in order to get into the center of things, right?"

"I shall follow orders to the letter," I promised. "I won't date anyone."

Marcus and the rest of the squad now knew the truth and of course I'd been the focus of endless ribbing for our 'pathetically weak and unbelievable' deception.

They'd all seen through our ruse, according to them.

"Good. At least I know you won't get 'romantically involved' with any of these students. That's always a concern, normally. Living together, sharing chores, chatting together at night, I'm sure it's easy to forget the lines but at least these will be some lines I can count on you staying on the right side of. We know you only have eyes for one man, so these leaders of the future will be quite safe."

"Not a single chance of any personal relationships developing between me and any house mate," I agreed.

"I talked to Edward last week."

"You did?" I replied. I wasn't aware they kept in touch but what would I know?

"He knows you are going in."

I shrugged. It wasn't a secret. If he'd called this week since it got decided, I'd have told him myself.

"He's busy. Doing doctor training," I replied.

"He'll be a good doctor. Lots of studying to get through first, though."

"No doubt Edward can handle it," I answered

"He thinks this assignment is just what you need. To move forward."

"Would I be right in suspecting it's just a way to get me out of the office until you decide I can handle a proper assignment again? I know I have to regain your trust."

He shrugged but his eyes said I was bang on. This was the soft option until I earned my way back into his good books.

"So, speaking of classes. You are enrolled in Drama and Creative Writing, and English Lit seeing you like reading, plus the basic core subjects. Nothing too taxing."

"Great." Been there, done them all before.

"Oh, Riley has agreed to be our go between if you need him. I know contacting me here can often be tricky but we were thinking, he works in a bar; students tend to like visiting bars, so if you need to pass on a message and can't find the privacy to do that, go and tell him.

He's going to arrange for you to do the odd shift there some nights so you can keep him updated while you earn your pot money."

"Cool. So, how old am I?"

"Twenty two. Makes you legal for anything but still young enough to be a student."

"They do have mature aged students, you know."

"But that might be weird for some twenty six year old to be sharing a house with kids. Your housemates are all twenty one or twenty two."

"Great. I hope they aren't into techno music. Or rap. Or German industrial bands."

"I'm sure their favourite tune is Claire de Lune by Debussy," he replied sarcastically.

"Let's hope. What's my name?"

"Your name is Bella Swan. You'll be too close to home to use anything else. People you know may well see you and say 'hi Bella' in the street so best you remain Bella."

Oh well, this Bella Swan has a different life, that will be enough.

"So, go home, get changed, pack a bag. Nothing fancy. Students tend to all dress the same in my opinion. Hoodies. Skinny jeans. Chucks. Am I describing the main contents of your wardrobe?"

"I have skirts and dresses as well," I retorted. Out of the office I did tend to wear jeans and hoodies, though. He was right.

That did mean I didn't have to buy anything new , so that was good.

"Oh. They are interviewing for the last bedroom in the house today so be there at two. Your 'Mom' has already called ahead and made the appointment for you. Basically, the other house mates just want to meet you and look you over before offering you the room. She let slip you can cook like a tv chef, and that you love housework so they are pretty keen to meet you. I'm guessing none of them do either of those things so you'll be up to your armpits cleaning grotty bathrooms and peeling potatoes after class. Enjoy."

Packing was indeed easy, seeing all I left out of my suitcase were my more formal work outfits.

I packed my floral maxi length gathered skirts and embroidered blouses in case I wanted to do boho sometimes, and piled them in with the denim. Then I washed my face and brushed my hair out free around my shoulders. Charlie always said I looked like a teenager when I wore no make up and left my hair out.

My car from the pool was more a junk heap but I was a struggling student, so I tossed my case inside and headed off.

The house was surprisingly large and a little more remote than I expected. It would be a bit of a hike if I walked to the campus, but I could see why the others thought the distance worth it.

The house was beautiful.

It was old and a bit shabby but it was also large and had sun porches on all sides, and was painted white. The yard was expansive and there was room for six cars on the driveway, though no undercover parking.

The house had been built before it became common to incorporate a garage in the house design, so it looked like my car would just get some more rust.

I left my bag in the car and walked inside for my 'interview'. The front door was wide open and I could hear voices so I knocked and obeyed when told to 'come on in'.

"So, Bella, hi. I'm Jade, this is Siobhan, Alex, and Benjamin. We have two other guys but they are at class or something. You can help us even up the gender thing. We girls vetoed getting yet another male in, so welcome."

"Can you really cook like a tv chef?" Benjamin asked.

"I guess. I've cooked for years so if I have a recipe, I can pretty much make anything," I replied.

"And you like to clean," Alex said happily.

"Slight exaggeration. I like a clean house and am willing to do my share of the cleaning."

"Can we vote yet? I have a date. I vote yes, anyone who cooks and cleans gets my vote," Benjamin stated.

"Not yet. Anyone else have any questions for Bella?"

Nobody did.

Alex was clearly the household flirt, and he raised an eyebrow and mouthed that I had his vote, as well.

"What about the others? Do they get a say?" Benjamin asked.

Siobhan moved in her chair, trying to get comfortable and I realized my initial impression that she was somewhat overweight was wrong. She rested her hand on her abdomen like pregnant women tend to do, and I saw it bounce a little.

She laughed.

"I hope you don't mind babies. This one feels like a bit of a terror already."

"Babies are great," I replied. "My best friend has a little boy but she recently moved away and I miss him."

"Babies are not 'great' if they scream all night," Alex growled.

"Babies all cry some of the time, Alex. You might want to look for somewhere else to live if Siobhan's baby is going to be a problem for you," Jade said, rolling her eyes at him. " I've told you before. The rule is, if you are not here you don't get to vote."

"So let us who are here vote already," Benjamin urged.

"Bella, would you mind leaving the room for this?" she requested.

I left the room and went outside to sit on the wide wooden front stairs. The voting was done in minutes and I was invited back inside.

"Bella, I'd like to formally invite you to come live with us. You don't have to say yes or no until you see the rest of the house, and your bedroom, of course. If you will follow me."

The lower floor had the small tv room we had been sitting in, then a larger lounge room, and an enormous kitchen with a magnificent stove and an old silky oak dining table with ten chairs around it. The dinner plates and bowls and cups were housed on open shelves on three old wooden dressers that were probably too heavy to ever move.

"We each have a colour. Your dishes are pink. That way when some lazy people who shall remain nameless leave their utensils around the house unwashed, we know who the culprit is." There was an open fireplace in the corner, and a tattered sofa with a grey cat sprawled on it, asleep.

"That's the household cat. She belonged to our last sharer, Lucy, who had your bedroom. She couldn't take the cat with her so she's ours now. You aren't allergic?"

"No, not at all," I assured her. "Where did Lucy go?"

Jade looked uncomfortable.

"She ran off with one of our other tenants. He had the other attic bedroom but we got a new guy to take it over last week, so we have a full complement of tenants again."

Last along the hallway were a large and a small bedroom, and a downstairs bathroom.

"Siobhan sleeps in that bedroom and the smaller room will be the baby's. We will be holding a weekend decorating blitz to get the nursery ready."

"When is the baby due?" I asked.

"Six weeks so the room has to be finished soon. Are you willing to help?"

"I can paint," I replied.

Up a flight of stairs and there were five more rooms off a wide landing. Someone had put an old sofa and a bookcase out here and it looked like a quiet area to escape to.

"My bedroom, Benjamin's bedroom, Alex's, and Laurent's. Our bathroom. The last two bedrooms, as I said, are in the attic."

"Cool," I murmured.

The staircase to the attic was a small spiral type made of metal and painted bright pink. It stood out against all the white walls.

It led us to a rather small landing with three doors. She opened one and we stepped inside large attic space that had been divided down the middle, into my bedroom and the other tenant's. His room faced the front of the house and overlooked the driveway, I calculated.

"This is your room, looking out over the backyard. Is it okay?"

"It's lovely," I said in response. "It's so big. I'm surprised this room was left until last."

The room was all white but needed repainting and had two small dormer windows, one on each side and a triangular window that fitted in with the angle of the roof line in the back wall.

It was flooded with sunlight and contained an old cast iron bed , a white wooden rocker and a table. Someone had attached a lot of hooks to one wall so that was apparently my closet.

"Basically we are all too lazy to climb two staircases. Feel free to bring in any furniture of your own. You may want some drawers and stuff. You have a little shared shower room on the landing."

It was indeed small, and had a shower, toilet and basin arranged in close proximity to one another crammed inside but it was clearly quite a new addition and was very clean.

"So, what do you think?" Jane asked.

"It's perfect. I'd love to live here."

"We pay our rent on Thursdays. Siobhan collects it from everyone but lately we all take it down to her so she doesn't have to climb up stairs. She issues receipts, so there is never any hassle about who has or hasn't paid.

We have a chores list in the kitchen and all take turns at everything. We keep our own bedrooms and the bathroom we use clean, and whoever is last off to bed at night tidies the lounge room.

We buy our own snack food and put a set amount of money in the kitty for meal ingredients and coffee and tea. Everyone takes turns cooking dinner at night, so although you don't have to stay in to eat dinner if you don't want to any night, you do have to be here if it's your turn to cook. Whether or not you regularly eat dinner here is your choice but there is always a hot meal ready for all of us every night.

Breakfast, lunch and snacks are completely your own; you buy them, you alone eat them, in theory, but some people do 'borrow', sometimes without asking, when they run out of cereal or whatever. Mainly a male thing. "

"So, I'll go get my case," I stated.

I paused on the small landing, wondering if I could manipulate the suitcase up the narrow spiral staircase or if I'd have to unpack down there on the middle floor and carry bundles of clothing up in my arms.

"Oh, are you wondering about your neighbour?" Jade said, misinterpreting my pausing outside his door. "He's a mature aged medical student. Very dishy. Seems nice. I'm hoping he's single. He hasn't brought home any 'friends' this week anyway."

"What would his name be?" I queried, wondering. Surely not.

"Edward. Edward Cullen."


	15. Chapter 15

Its Murder Sequel

Chapter 2

I met Laurent, the 'other' absent housemate about an hour after I got my room sorted and drifted downstairs. He'd opened the front door,and walked in, hanging his coat on the pegs in the foyer.

It was an interesting coat, sort of tribal or something. Woven in brightly coloured yards, it looked pretty amazing but then this man was never going to settle for plain leather.

He was tall, Jamaican, with bright dark eyes and long dreads to his waist. They'd rival those worn by Lenny Kravitz in his 'Are You Gonna Go My Way' heyday.

He raised his eyebrows as he openly looked me over, then smiled and took a step towards me.

"Bella, I presume. I'm Laurent."

"Hi, I'm Bella," I replied, immediately realizing. "Oh, you know that. How did you know I'd be the one invited to move in?"

I shook the hand he offered, awkwardly. I never know how to carry this hand shaking thing off confidently and not look like an idiot.

"Because the girls wanted another female in the house, so that ruled out the three males who applied; and the only other female in the running was a skinny blonde girl who couldn't cook, or even read a cookbook I suspect. So I was quite sure our new family member would be the amazing all cooking, all cleaning Bella Swan."

I bit my lip.

"Yeah, that whole all cleaning bit...my Mom may have exaggerated that to make sure I got voted in."

"She was that keen to get you out of her house?" he laughed.

"Twenty something year old student daughters are not always the recipe for a peaceful life, believe it or not. Some of them can be a challenge."

"Oh good," he said, still holding my hand in his. "If there's one thing I like it's a challenge."

Of course I blushed like a fool, and he finally let my hand drop.

"How about we get to know one another over a coffee?"

"Yes, sure, okay," I stuttered, hoping he would be a typical male and do most of the talking himself.

We sat facing one another over the kitchen table as he raided various tins looking for snacks to offer me, finally cheering at a stash of ginger cookies I'd actually made and brought in here myself.

"I don't know who owns these but they won't notice if we just take two each," he whispered as he offered them to me.

He poured the coffee and sat down and I grinned as he bit into one of his stolen cookies and his face lit up.

"Wow, these are amazing. Nobody here usually actually bakes, all their snacks are store bought. I wonder who ... Crap. You made these, didn't you? I'm feeding you your own purloined snacks. I don't steal food regularly, I assure you."

"Liar," said Siobhan, coming in and sitting down on the chair beside me.

"I have a strong suspicion you stole the last of my breakfast muesli," she growled.

"And I suffered for that. It tasted like sawdust. Next time I'll just skip breakfast and go off to class starving."

"Or you could buy your own food supplies more regularly, like the rest of us do," she suggested sweetly as he moved around the kitchen again, making her a cup of some kind of herbal tea.

"Laurent, if you ever need to borrow again from anyone's food supplies, choose mine. I shop all the time and we don't want our baby maker going without.

Same for you, Siobhan. Please always help yourself to my stuff if you prefer what I have or if anyone takes your supplies. I honestly will not mind. And I love to bake and never get a whole batch of cookies eaten by myself before they go stale."

And the department paid my expenses anyway so it was no skin off my nose.

I need to be popular and trusted.

Just because one might think Laurent was the more obvious person to be buying drugs didn't mean that was the case. Stereotyping was a dangerous tool. I had a feeling I might actually enjoy this assignment. So far I liked all my fellow housemates.

I liked the sense of companionship and they were indeed rather like siblings.

I may not have any of my own but I've had years to observe Edward and his brothers joking about, bantering with one another like this.

Edward.

I wished he'd come in and prove to me he was my Edward Cullen. I was probably going to burst into tears if it turned out to be another man of the same name, though what my Edward would be doing here was a mystery. He did not work for Marcus anymore, that was a fact so there was no reason it would be him.

Oh well, at least it would give me a valid excuse to talk to him again if it wasn't him. It would be perfectly natural to call him and tell him I had a housemate with the same name.

Dinner was my job tonight, last in, so I rustled up a pot of mushroom lasagna, and it met with everyones approval.

Benjamin was out on his date, so he didn't get to taste my first effort, and Edward Cullen was still absent as well.

Jade told me to leave their servings in covered dishes in the fridge so they had the option to reheat and eat later when they got home.

I watched some tv with the others then made my way upstairs, my ears alert for any sound that indicated my neighbour had managed to sneak in unnoticed. Unlikely, as I'd spent more time watching the front door than the flat screen.

I knocked quietly on his bedroom door but there was no answer and no sounds coming from inside to indicate he was here.

Rats, now I'd have a restless night waiting for the sound of his door shutting to alert me that he was home and my curiosity would have to wait until tomorrow morning to be satisfied.

Could it be my Edward? Wouldn't he have given me a heads up if it was? If it was him, was he here because he wanted to be, or here to make sure I didn't put myself in the middle of a drug deal between bikie gangs?

I truly intend for this to be the simple case it could be.

Chat, observe, listen, feign disinterest, then casually go tell Riley some hours later so nobody associated talking in front of me, and me running off anywhere.

I was going to keep myself super safe and never put anyone else in danger like I had last time.

God, what had happened between Aro and Rose?

I mean, besides the obvious.

Would I ever be a good enough friend to make up to her for what she had suffered through because of me?

Her text messages were light hearted and sassy, though she had been ill for a week or so with a fever, but she assured me Emmett was rather good at bed baths, and Esme had nursed her back to health with copious amounts of homemade chicken soup and regularly fluffed up pillows.

It sounded like it was helping Bree to have Rose there in the same house.

They spent a lot of evenings sitting together, talking about what they had been through and Rose even suspected Bree got more out of their chats than her sessions with her various mental health workers, who could barely imagine the horrors she'd suffered.

Rose had taken my puppy, Jakey ,back with her and given her to Bree.

It had become impractical for me to keep her now I had no support system in place to fill in and look after him when I wasn't around.

I missed his big muddy paws leaving paw prints on my floors, and his goofy expression. He put his head on one side whenever I was having an in depth heart to heart discussion with him, and just listened without judging or blaming me.

Now he was someone else's dog.

But it was for the best. I wasn't sure I should be responsible for another life any more.

My recklessness had shocked myself as well as the others, once the reality of what could have happened finally hit home, and broke through my stupid and entirely erroneous conviction that everyone had overreacted.

I didn't deserve a dog.

Bree would be a better owner for Jakey.

Owning a dog could be a form of therapy all by itself and Bree now had someone she could tell her deepest, darkest secrets to, if she was still withholding anything from Rose.

I know it was breaking Rose's heart to see such a young girl so broken by that man and his 'trainers'.

'God damn Aro to Hell' was her new sign off motto at the end of every text. Some people put smiley faces and Hello Kitty and cute little logos but Rose just wanted to put that request out there to the Universe every time she messaged anyone.

She and Emmett were not in any hurry to build a house for themselves. They were quite happy living with his parents.

She did think Emmett's choice of land was 'typical Emmett' and not really they type of backyard she had in mind if they had kids in the future but she had joined in his skirmishes with his friends there and thought paintball wars were quite fun.

Rose never failed to surprise me.

Before she went u/c, she wore designer suits and Manolo's and never had a hair out of place. Now she was running around with a paintball gun in camouflage gear and combat boots.

I was just glad her recent experience had not put her off wanting to have a baby sometime.

Despite their lifestyles to date, things were different now and they'd both make excellent parents. Rose would definitely not be one of those pathetic mothers who always made up excuses why her little Billy had done something bad.

She'd never enable him by the 'it wasn't his fault, he got led astray by that bad Freddie Smith, who was the actual one who did the deed. My Billy had no idea what that Freddie was going to do. He was an innocent bystander.'

Nope, little Billy would cop a just punishment for whatever he got up to.

I couldn't decide if I'd rather see them with a big brawny son like Emmett or a ravishingly beautiful daughter who took after Rose. Just as long as it didn't work the other way around.

I'd never have thought Rose would rush ahead of me in the settling down stakes, but it has happened.

She and Emmett are already gotten to a whole level at the very least, ahead of Edward and I.

I had no doubt we would catch up at some point, but that depended on how soon we reconciled.

And how quickly we moved ahead.

In the end I took a shower and was just coming out of the small bathroom, closing it's door behind me so there would be room on the tiny landing to open mine, when I saw him.

He was standing with his back to me, unlocking his bedroom door, so we had no choice in the restricted available space but to be close enough for our bodies to graze together slightly.

I inhaled and a shiver went down my spine.

My Edward was here, living in this house, sharing the third floor with me.

He'd taken the first step and there was no way I wasn't reciprocating and showing him I was just as keen as he was to put the past few weeks behind us.

"Edward," I said in delight, holding my towel around my suddenly excited body.

He turned and smiled.

I could see he was vastly relieved that I'd regained most of the weight I'd lost. His eyes slid over me like the doctor he would one day be, assessing my health.

I'd just found it really hard to eat for a while. It was normal for me to avoid mirrors so until I went back to Forks for the wedding, and saw the shock at my appearance on everyone's faces, I hadn't realized how bad I looked.

Edward assumed I'd lost the will to live but it was just a normal reaction to extreme stress for me. It had happened before.

When I was a child I was sent twice a year to visit Mom for two week breaks, and as soon as the calendar ticked over to the month I was going there, I would stop eating.

Not so bad if my visit was early in the month, but sometimes it was in the latter half, and I'd be skin and bones by the time I got there.

I think Renee took a little delight in seeing me looking half starved and 'neglected' so the entire visit would be her stuffing me full of every foodstuff known to man so she could send me back looking so much better than I had when I'd arrived.

It was totally unfair on Dad, who took me to doctors and bought all manner of fatty, sugar laden unhealthy treats in the attempt to tempt me to eat.

The stress of knowing I had to leave him and my home was just overwhelming and there had been nothing he could do other than have me admitted to hospital and tube fed.

He found the solution by insisting I had to go to my Mom's within the first week of the vacation month regardless of whether that school term was finished or not.

Of course this messed with Mom's leave from her job, but Charlie had stood firm and said if Renee couldn't adapt, then maybe she didn't really want to see me at all, and the access visits could always be canceled.

She always complied and rearranged her time off but she grizzled about it the whole time I was with her, so it really had spoilt any joy I may have hoped to experience while visiting my Mom.

xxxx

When Charlie picked me up at the airport when I went back for Alice's wedding, , he'd taken one look at me and headed straight to a restaurant, then sat there watching me eat.

"No, this is not happening again. This happened after Jake, but when it didn't happen after Riley, I thought we were past this, Bella. You have to eat. No matter whatever happens in your life, you have to keep eating. Promise me."

Sometimes eating just seemed too much trouble.

"The only reason it didn't happen after Riley left was because Edward was always there, cooking meals for me and taking me out to restaurants. He never gave me the opportunity to grieve," I replied.

"Well, as grieving for you always means flirting with anorexia, I'm glad he was there. Eat."

I felt strong inside, so I'd fooled myself that I was fine.

Everything was fine.

My clothing had just stretched for some reason.

Nothing tightening up the belt a few notches couldn't solve.

I'd eaten the meal he'd bought me, then picked at the sandwiches he'd forced upon me to snack on during the drive home to his house, and then Sue had planted a large serving of her delicious stew in front of me for dinner.

In my bedroom there were little packets of nuts to nibble,and a bowl of fruit.

No flowers.

Only edibles.

Still, much as I had tried, it had been impossible to fatten up before the wedding two days later, but Sue and Charlie had given it their best shot.

I had shocked Edward the first time he'd seen me, so it kind of made sense that he was here, now.

I know he cares deeply about me and every phone call after I'd left Forks had started with a grilling about what I'd eaten.

He'd backed right off as well about our issues and promised we would work through things and get back what we had before. Then he'd sworn on his Mother's life that he had absolutely no interest in moving on, and leaving me behind.

In fact, we'd start over and end up stronger than ever.

I was debating whether to just drop the towel and make no pretence about not wanting him back inside me as soon as possible, when he silently took it from me himself.

Sadly this was not inspired by lust. He just wanted to make sure I was a hundred pounds again.

He motioned for me to turn, and touched my back and shoulders.

I wanted to giggle and tell him he wasn't inspecting a horse because that's what it seemed like. Some potential buyer checking the health of the animal on sale.

He tucked the towel back around me and stepped back, as if that hadn't even happened.

"Hello there. You must be Bella Swan. It's nice to meet you. I'm Edward Cullen."

I stood still, glancing around. Was he undercover? Had he changed his mind and rejoined the squad? Why else the pretence? Nobody downstairs could hear us.

"I'm enrolled in the same college as you are. I'm doing a revision course to refresh myself with the medical course I left halfway through previously, a few years ago. I shall look forward to getting to know you. Good night."

His hand reached out and stroked my cheek.

"You look beautiful."

And with that he went into his bedroom and closed the door.

I guess my mouth gaped like a fish out of water for a moment, then I shivered, from the cold this time, and went into my own bedroom. It was as I was quickly crawling into my pj's that I realized.

This was our fresh start.

This was Edward and I, beginning again. Starting over.

And this time we had to get it right.

xxxx

I woke up the next morning knowing before I even opened my eyes that something was different. Oh, of course. I was smiling.

Lately I'd hated waking up because dragging myself into consciousness meant leaving my dreams behind and facing reality.

A reality where Edward was just an occasional voice on the phone, rather than the phenomenal lover in my arms whose lips tortured mine all night long in my dreams.

But now he was here and even if we hadn't rushed into one another's arms, this was enough.

I showered quickly and dressed far more carefully than I'd expected to, and frowned at the contents of my suitcase. These clothes had seemed ideal before but now I wanted some prettier garments to wear.

Practical was all very well, but I wanted to add some feminine touches and indulge in some luxuries. Perfume. Make-up. That expensive hair product line that made my hair shine.

I wanted to look my best and be as pretty as I could manage to be.

Maybe I'd even buy something to wear in pink.

Just a blouse or top, I wasn't about to turn into a girlie girl but I wanted Edward to notice me again, and so I would make more of an effort to be the type of girl he would be proud to have on his arm.

I'd never really cared about clothes before.

Or lingerie.

Suddenly I wanted to be draped in black lace.

That would be a whole new experience, but the old sweats and cami's had to go. You never knew who'd you'd run into on that tiny landing.

Well, okay, maybe just the only other person who shared that shower room but he was the only one I'd wear lingerie for anyway.

It seemed a shopping trip would be necessary after all.

Today was Saturday, so I had two days grace before fronting up at college so I decided I would use that time well. Hit the shops and max out the plastic.

Marcus had approved a rather generous general living expenses limit and I'd dismissed the idea of using it before for anything apart from emergencies, even though he'd told me to 'buy something pretty'.

I'd also never touched Mom's 'guilt money' in the account she set up for me when I was a child. It has a pretty healthy total now.

I had never touched it because I didn't want her _money_, only her love, but whatever. Time to put that cash to good use. I could be a college student with generous parents.

Firstly though, it was my turn to clean the kitchen.

A trial by fire as they say.

The morning clean seemed to also be the only clean up this room saw each day so I had to unstack the clean dishes from the dishwasher, wipe down countertops and table, put away various containers, and gather up the used dishes that were supposed to be neatly scraped and stacked on the sink.

Four sets were but the others were scattered around the sitting and tv rooms, so I hunted them down. Obviously some of the dishes I found had been left for days and the food remnants were crusted on drily.

I was walking back to the kitchen with my arms loaded when Jade appeared.

"Bella, don't go picking up after the guys or they'll expect you to do it every day. The 'kitchen bitch' only has to put the dishes that are stacked on the draining board into the machine. Anyone who leaves their plates and coffee cups scattered elsewhere has to retrieve and wash them themselves."

"How's that working out?" I asked with a grin and she scowled.

"Okay, maybe Alex and Benjamin like living like pigs but our policy has been to ignore it until they have no clean plates or mugs left, then they are forced to clean up."

"That's fine. In future I'll stick to your rules but I've already gathered everything up now and this way there will be a full load," I replied, making for the sink to attempt to grind some of the leftover grunge from a couple of green plates.

"Green. That's Laurent. Great, he's crossed over to the dark side. He used to be dependable, at least when it came to cleaning up after himself. I sometimes wonder why we let men live here with us."

Siobhan walked in, yawning.

"Because they are a captive audience for you, Jade and this house is your preferred hunting ground. She likes her bedmates on tap," she grinned behind Jade's back.

"For someone who doesn't even know who the father of her spawn is, I'd watch my mouth," Jade replied harshly. "Who's calling who a skank here?"

Siobhan turned and left the room again and I sighed. I'd kind of hoped my home from home would be harmonious and drama free. Apparently not.

Jade watched me clean from her vantage point at the kitchen table and dropped her head into her hands.

"It's your job to set up the coffee machine as well. You should have done that first before playing domestic Goddess."

"Oh, okay, not a problem. I'll remember next time."

I looked at the coffee machine and girded my loins.

It was old and heavy and probably quite grumpy, I decided. The thing I hate about these machines is that they are all different.

However, I was a college graduate and this beast would not intimidate me. I filled the water well and surveyed the other openings.

Obviously it wasn't modern enough to take those cool little pods of coffee and be simple to use, but gradually I worked it out. The grinder was right beside it, and in ten minutes I had a steaming pot of coffee ready.

By then, the kitchen was crowded as the others got their morning jollies watching me trying to tame the beast.

Edward came in last and took a blue coffee mug from the shelf. Good to know. Edward is blue.

Jade transformed from tired and grumpy to tousled and alluring the second he entered the room, and I read her like a book. So she had set her cap at my Edward. Good luck with that.

Once upon a time she would have been exactly what he was looking for to fill his bed for a night or two. Before he decided he wanted more than a roll in the hay, and that he preferred brunettes.

It seemed like a lifetime ago.

What we had may not have been perfect but it had been the first real relationship either of us had been in for years so maybe it had to fall apart so something better could happen.

"So Edwardo, how are you liking living here,?" Jade purred, pushing her chair closer to his. "I hope I've made you feel really welcome."

Predator and unwilling prey.

She put an elbow on the tabletop and rested her head in her hand , right in his face, leaning in front of him and shaking her long blonde hair out, messing it casually with her other hand.

The strong stench of her perfume filled the room and he coughed.

Sorry, chicky babe, Edward prefers to inhale something subtle with just a gentle hint of flowers, not an entire bottle of Cheap And Available by An Almost Celebrity.

Edward pushed his chair back from the table, creating a gap between them and crossed his arms. I smirked to myself. He was pretty fussy about who he let into his personal space and it seemed Jade had not made the grade.

Just then his cell buzzed and he looked gratefully at it as he answered and wandered outside onto the sun porch. It only gave the illusion of privacy, we could still hear every word of his side of the conversation.

"Hi Mom. Fine. Yep, I've gotten my classes sorted. Yeah, it's not a heavy load. Just a few revision classes. Yes, I'm doing Music as well to pass the time. Yes, teaching it, not learning," he laughed.

I knew he was better than Rick Blaine when it came to playing the piano and I smiled, then suddenly realized Rick had never played the piano, it was Sam. How could I have forgotten that?

Maybe I'd morphed Edward into a compilation of the two men. He had Rick's ruggedly handsome looks and Sam's ability to coax the most wonderful music from any piano he encountered.

That was typical of me, always wanting more qualities than most men possessed all in the one perfect specimen. Edward wasn't perfect, but neither was I. We'd both made mistakes and they'd been pretty bad but not unforgivable.

I hoped.

"Everyone's been very welcoming. And guess what? There's a girl here who has caught my eye."

Jade smiled and nodded, confident he was referring to her.

Siobhan rolled her eyes.

"She's lovely. Just my type. Yes, I do realize what you hoped would happen but sometimes you just have to leave the past behind and start afresh. Move on."

Jade buffed her fingernails with a paper napkin and licked her lips.

"No, Mom, I won't be bringing her home to face the Cullen Inquisition until I at least ask her out on a few dates, so you will have to wait. I have to go, I smell coffee. Bye. Love you."

"Oh God, don't you just love a man who loves his mother and isn't shy to admit it," Jade said quietly. She seemed more than lustful. Maybe she was smitten already. It did happen.

Edward came back and took the coffee I'd made him and stood, leaning against the sink rather than sitting down in Jade's spiderweb.

"So, Bella. I was wondering if you'd like me to show you around the town today. There are a few okay shops. A couple of them are just your cup of tea. I'm sure you'd like to see what's where for future reference."

"That would be nice," I answered and caught a death glare from Jade. Her eyes flicked back and forth, from Edward to me.

"I'm picking up something here," she said out loud, her forehead crinkling. "Do you two know one another already?"

"Sure," Edward replied. "Bella's a family friend. Her bff is married to my younger brother. I saw her at their wedding last month."

"Oh, right. So, you're like cousins or something," she said, reassured.

"We are certainly something," Edward agreed. "Bella has known my whole family for years."

"So, you have a brother who is married. Any other siblings?" she purred.

"I have an older brother who will be getting married soon I imagine, one way or the other. Probably a shotgun wedding, the way he and his fiancee carry on."

I cringed inside. There was no way that was Emmett's child she had terminated. It had to be Aro's and I didn't blame her at all for feeling she had no other options. I wondered if anyone else knew? I would never tell.

"And you are single yourself?" Jade was asking. "I haven't seen you with anyone since you got here."

"I'm single but unavailable," Edward answered, looking into my eyes. I broke the connection and looked away. This time we were playing by the rules and sadly the rulebook didn't have a chapter on throwing him to the floor and jumping him in front of everyone, just to mark my territory.

"That's going to change to 'well and truly taken' really soon. I know who my soul mate is and I will do whatever it takes to be back with her."

Jade sighed then shot me a 'see, you can't have him either' glance.

He turned to face me.

"We can use my car. I've seen yours. You must have really seriously annoyed your father to end up with a heap of junk like that."

"Oh, Daddy is very pissed off at me at the moment," I agreed. If Marcus was my actual father I'd probably be under house arrest in my bedroom when not actually at class. Probably with an armed babysitter at my side to make sure I had no fun whatsoever.

"Not without good reason," I conceded.

"Everyone fucks up now and again. The important thing is to learn from those mistakes and not let them ruin lives. Maybe it's time everyone let go of the past and started fresh," he replied. "Time to forgive and forget. Can you be ready to leave in an hour?"

"I can be ready in ten minutes," I answered.

Jade was clearly confused about what exactly we were to one another. With luck one day soon there would be no doubt whatsoever.

xxxx

"So, what do you want to buy today?" he asked as we sped into town in his sensible silver Volvo.

"Clothing. The stuff I brought with me doesn't feel right now."

He grinned and I looked at the passing scenery out of the side window.

"What's going to happen?" I asked quietly.

"We are going to become firm friends again, and then, when we regain the trust we both lost in one another, then Bella, I want us to be all we can be. And you know even though we got things wrong , what we shared was special and incredible so this time it will be perfect."

"So we are taking it slow and behaving," I stated.

"By behaving, you mean abstaining. I think we should. Much as I want that connection back, this time I want it to happen gradually. I think we will know when the time comes to resurrect our love making. What do you want?"

"I want the same. Of course I want the same. I want us back in a forever way."

I knew his way would be the right way but my body didn't agree. It wanted him now.

"It won't be easy, knowing how close you are. Knowing your bed is twenty foot away from mine with two thin partition walls between us."

"Mmm," I replied.

Bloody walls. Why hadn't they left the attic as it had been built, just one big open space? It sounded like the two flimsy walls had not kept the last two occupants apart.

I trusted Edward but not myself so much. Maybe I needed a deadlock on my door that could only be opened from the outside.

"I was really stupid and I risked everything. I'm just glad you are going to give me another chance," I said hurriedly.

"Ditto, I knew I'd done the wrong thing walking away the moment I got onto the plane. But I think we both benefitted from that time apart, if only because it meant we couldn't say out loud the terrible things we were thinking. Some words you just can't erase or take back and I was pretty mad at you. I know it went both ways so I'm glad we were apart and didn't say anything unforgivable."

"So now we've let it go?"

"Clean slate. We don't need to keep rehashing it, we both know where we went wrong and I know you will try just as hard as I will to get it right this time. There's just no way we were meant to breakup permanently over it. It's too late. It's like our book is already half written and we can't just rip out the pages and pretend they never existed. Our story will have a happy ending."

"This time I know what I want," I admitted. "When I thought I'd lost you forever, I realized I'd lost the future we had planned as well, and I knew then just how much I really did want that future. I truly do want us to get married and have kids. All my doubts about that are gone."

"Then we achieved something good already," he replied with a smile. "Now we are both on the same page. That gives us a stronger beginning, seeing we both want the same ending."

"Thank you, Edward."

"Thank _you,_ my Bella."

Shopping was fun but it did remind me of the fortune he had lost buying us from Aro. I know he said he didn't care but still I felt terrible that I'd made him toss away his money like that, when it had been completely avoidable. If I hadn't been there, Aro would have eventually let Rose leave the castle again, and she could have hopped onto a plane and got out of there.

And Edward wouldn't have had to risk his own life coming in after me.

If Aro had managed to find out Edward Anthony Masen didn't really exist...

I tried to apologize, clumsily.

Edward took my hands across the table in the restaurant we were sitting in, waiting for our lunch.

"Bella, on the bright side, I was able to rescue Bree from a horrible future and that makes it all okay. You know I'd never begrudge one penny I had to pay to get you back. All the money in the world wouldn't keep me warm in bed at night if I didn't have you."

"But Marcus said you were bankrupt."

Edward laughed.

"Nobody with a billionaire father is ever going to be bankrupt for long. Carlisle probably found a way to write it off as a tax loss."

"So, you aren't a struggling college student."

"No, I'm merely a little less wealthy than I was before. The money is not a concern. Forget it."

I guess he and I have such different standards. At best I could possibly get together a ten grand loan, seeing I couldn't just snap my fingers and get a mortgage on my apartment,:and paying it back would leave me in financial difficulties for a long time.

Years.

I had no real idea how much he had paid and I would never ask because it would just make me wonder if I'd been worth it.

After lunch we shopped more diligently, and Edward picked out a couple of shirts for himself while I tried on floaty white dresses that screamed to me of romance and fields full of wildflowers, and laying in Edward's arms while he kissed my face. I could almost see the butterflies around me as I twisted and turned so the skirt section twirled out. I looked at my image in the mirror and smiled.

The black bags under my eyes that I'd accepted as a new facial feature were fading and my sallow skin was still pale but now it looked more creamy white than grey. Edward was good for me.

Mentally and physically I had changed in his absence and only now was I blossoming again. I'd learned my lesson. I'd never ever put him through anything like that again.

He'd left me, but I'd given him plenty of reason to leave. He'd tried to save himself when he realized my biggest enemy was myself, so buying me back from Aro had only removed one threat.

There was still me, waiting to fuck everything up, so from now on I had to think and rethink before jumping off a cliff. I'd possibly still jump, but next time I'd make sure I had a parachute.

And a lifeboat waiting below.

Edward should not always have to be there to break my fall.

I chose a dozen dresses and was rehanging the rejects on hangers when my cubicle door opened and Edward handed me a cornflower blue cotton shirt.

"Try this on, please."

"Um, it's a man's shirt in your size, not mine."

"I just want to see what you'll look like in it."

"Okay," I said, giving in.

With only my lace bra and boyleg panties on under it, apparently Edward thought it was a good look.

"Not that I didn't love the outfit you had on when we met on the landing," he added, taking the dresses I'd chosen and his shirt away with him as I redressed in my own clothes.

What had I been wearing? I tried to recall.

"Oh, the bath towel," I remembered.

"It was very nice. That colour suited you. It was little skimpy but that's always a good look on you."

He kissed the top of my head as we waited for the salesperson to bag our purchases and that led me to wonder what the new rules would be. No sex, dammit, but surely we would kiss.

I was finding it very hard living without his kisses.

For the whole afternoon, we explored amazing little shops tucked away in surprising locations. Edward knew me so well. We bought little knick knacks for one another and he even let me put a brightly coloured striped hippie hair wrap over his golden hair.

When we got back to the house, Jade looked us over warily.

"You two have been gone for hours. I kept your dinner in the oven."

"We ate already. Sorry, I should have called," I replied.

Edward laughed and took my hand, leading up the staircases.

At the tiny landing between our doors, he took my face into his hands and kissed me gently, lightly, on the lips.

"Goodnight, Bella. See you in the morning. We could go explore the local area if you want."

"I'd like that, " I replied, slipping inside my own door and closing it as he closed his. I leaned against it and tried to slow my breathing. I already knew I sucked at celibacy. Kissing him was going to make things that much harder.

xxxx

Midnight, more or less, I woke up and wondered where I was and what was happening. I could hear Edward calling out.

I quickly oriented myself and went to my door, pulling it open. His door wasn't locked, so I took a chance and went inside.

Edward was asleep, but thrashing around on his bed, fighting off some unseen attacker.

"How could you have done that to her? She'll never be whole again. This will change her; she won't be my Bella again," he howled. "She's broken."

I sank down beside him and pulled him against my body.

"Edward, wake up. I'm here. I'm safe. You saved me."

He opened his tear filled eyes and looked blindly at me.

"Bella? Aro didn't hurt you? You are okay? He didn't force himself on you? He didn't rape you?"

I swallowed and shook my head.

"No, Edward. You saved me in time."

"I did? I saved you?"

I snuggled against him and he put his arms around me and kissed my forehead.

"Bella's safe. I saved her."

I don't think he even really woke up, but he held me so tightly in his embrace I could barely breathe and I had to wriggle around so he'd loosen his grip.

His breathing calmed and he slept happily now, so I just lay there in the dark thinking about what I'd put him through.

I remembered how I felt when he was shot, and shuddered.

This had been so much worse.

The man was dreaming that Aro had raped me, for God's sake.

I'd put myself into the hands of a monster and thanks to Edward I'd walked away unharmed, but it had scarred him.

Now it was my job to make him better.

I wondered just how I would manage that, and kissed his jawline, all that was in my reach.

xxxx

The next morning I watched Edward wake up and realize I was tucked up in his bed with him.

"Okay," he said, his eyes narrowed as he propped himself up on one elbow. " What happened last night? We weren't even drinking. Just wine with dinner. I thought we decided not to move so fast this time. What's going on?"

"You had a nightmare. I didn't molest any part of your person," I swore. "Your door was unlocked and there was no way I could sleep through the racket you were making so I came to calm you down. That's all."

"I'm sorry. Esme told me I was doing that. Night terrors or something. Most sufferers are children but I guess some of us never completely grow up. Sorry for disturbing you."

"I am quite happy to sleep in here any time you need me," I replied, kissing his mouth in much the same way as he had kissed mine last night.

His hands stroked down my back, across my shoulders and he hummed a little.

Then he started to pull me in closer, tightening his arms around me.

"Hey, I have kitchen duty again. Come down in five for a coffee."

I wriggled from his arms and jumped out of his bed, then went into my own room to change.

Rules were rules.

If behaving ourselves would reward us in the long run, then we had to do it.

I threw on yesterdays jeans and hoodie and hit the stairs.


	16. Chapter 16

It's Murder Sequel

Chapter 3

EPOV

My first thought when I saw Bella standing there in her towel, was "Thank God."

She looked like my Bella again.

I had been shocked at her appearance at my brother's wedding. She had lost weight that she definitely couldn't afford to lose, and her eyes had black lines under them, but it was her actual eyes that worried me the most.

The light had gone out of them.

She was Alice's lead bridesmaid and there was no chance in Hell that she was going to outshine the bride.

Esme had attempted to pin Bella's dress in because it was far too loose, and I'd suggested she free Bella's hair down from the ornate bun thing on her head that the hairdresser had done.

With her hair scooped up away from her face, her neck looked too fragile.

Her cheeks were sunken, and her dulled eyes looked enormous in her face.

She stood at her friends side through the service but I doubt she had any idea what was being said. She was using all her will and concentration just to remain upright.

Rose was the other attendant, and she moved from her assigned spot and stood half behind Bella, giving her physical and emotional support for the duration of the ceremony.

I could hardly concentrate on my Best Man duties, I was so shocked, and kept looking at her over Alice's head, wishing I could be the one at her side.

I just hadn't expected this.

We'd had a few screaming matches over the phone by then and I'd pictured her in my head looking the same as she always had, just maybe with a reddish purple hue to her face from all the yelling.

What the fuck had this done to her?

The punishment seemed excessive, even if the crime had warranted our reactions.

I never meant for this to happen.

Obviously we all had to ease up and get off her case.

Rose had called me the day before and told me to be prepared and not freak out when I saw Bella , but I'd misinterpreted what she was saying, and thought she meant don't get right into it the moment we faced one another.

Behave.

It's a wedding.

As a result, I'd been completely unprepared.

Bella had been nervous to face me that first time and tripped up twice just walking across the yard towards me.

Then she'd started to stutter out an apology and instead, burst into tears.

I was appalled at how shattered she was. I hadn't intended scaring the crap out of her...well, I had, but it wasn't likely she would be around another 'Palace of Pleasure' ever in her lifetime, so this had to stop.

She knew now what she'd done and she was truly sorry.

I put my arms around her shaking body and she stiffened.

I was so used to her melting against me whenever she had been in my arms, I wanted to cry myself.

For one horrible, unimaginable moment I thought all was lost.

I thought we were done.

Clearly she didn't need any more confirmation that things had fallen apart so completely, so I kissed the top of her head then smiled at her, hiding my despair and dismay at how she looked, and gently wiped the tears from her cheeks with my thumb.

"The bad stuff is all over now; in the past. We can start over again and move forward as soon as you feel up to it. This being apart crap isn't cutting it for me, we need to fix things, Bella. I want you back. I want us back."

She looked at me incredulously.

"Come on, we were made to be together. Nothing has changed that basic fact. We have some issue and they were serious , I admit, but you and I can get past them, together. Every relationship has it's teething troubles. I'm sure if we were not soul mates it may have been time to say Goodbye, but we are, Bella, so we have to fight for what we want.

We have to get through a photo session with the bridal party, then we are sneaking off to talk and resolve our differences so we can get back on track."

I took her inside so she could wash her face,which she did gingerly, trying not to ruin her make-up, and I kissed her.

God I had missed kissing her.

"Let's do this. Let's pretend like nothing happened and smile for the camera so we can get out of this place."

She was quiet and still shaky so I held her at my side as a couple of photos were taken of the group; I had a feeling Alice would be asking for a reshoot at a later date anyway, when her friend looked better.

Then we left the crowd and snuck away.

Bella sat down beside me in the little gazebo and I put my arms around her and told her things were not as bad as she thought.

She looked terrified, so I just said everything that was in my heart.

"I don't want us to break up over what happened. I told you that. I wish I'd handled things better.

God, Bella, I'm so scared that I've pushed you too far and lost you."

She clung onto my hand and looked up at me.

"You still want me?"

"Of course I do. No matter what you ever do, I will want always want to be with you. You are my Bella. I should never have left. I thought you were coping. I had no idea you were suffering this much. You have to eat. I'm going to go inside and get you a plate of food. Stay right here."

I'd been puzzled but relieved as she polished off everything I'd brought her, but that was apparently the way this stress thing went, she explained as she started to recover.

No appetite for weeks then someone would start shoving food down her throat and she'd start eating like there was no tomorrow. Charlie and Sue had broken the fast already.

In no time she'd be back to her former weight.

All the same, it made me realize Bella's health was more important than anything else.

We'd work out a way to get past the crap and find one another again.

xxxx

Raindrops hit the old metal roof with a sound similar to gunfire as I showered. The water in the cubicle competed with the rain outside and all in all, it was pretty deafening.

I liked it though, it let my mind clear and rest.

My body stirred as I washed it and I shook my head ruefully. If Bella hadn't sprung up and run this morning, we'd still be in that bed, enjoying one another's bodies, giving and taking until we were both spent.

She had done the right thing, I assured myself. We were not ready yet. It was pointless just jumping straight back into where we'd been before, because that place had not been perfect and we needed to be.

Then my mind drifted to last night.

As always, I recalled little. Just flashes. It was as if my brain needed to work through what might have happened but it still needed to protect my awake mind from the full horror.

My parents had worried a whole lot about my noisy nightmares, but finally Carlisle had concluded it was probably as good a way as any to come to terms with what had happened. By day I was on top of things and could push away the echo of fear I'd lived through, thinking Bella was possibly dead, or worse.

Night time was when the fear took charge.

Maybe I'd overreacted, I had considered numerous times. We had all walked away unscathed. Nothing bad had happened.

One doesn't rethink every car trip, wondering if we should have even gone on the road in case of an accident. There were dangers lurking everywhere, in everything we did.

Bella did a stupid thing but she was fine. She escaped without consequences.

I know I shouldn't have walked but on the other hand, walking away had been the short, sharp slap I wanted her to feel.

Then Dad had been forced to rush Bree into midnight surgery one night, and I'd known, no, Aro and his cohorts had indeed done things too despicable to contemplate to the girls he held captive and he probably would have gotten around to abusing Bella.

She could have been the one needing surgery.

Bad enough it was the fifteen year old girl in my parents care who did.

Bree's body was torn inside and had not been able to heal itself, so there was no other option than to operate and stitch things back into order.

Carlisle didn't think it would affect her fertility or ability to carry a pregnancy in the future, but time would tell..

If indeed, she ever did come to trust that this world was a suitable place for children.

I kind of hoped for boys, after seeing how some girls ended up, but Marcus had since informed me there had been young teen boys in another dungeon as well.

Riley was undergoing therapy, and had taken time off to run a bar instead of risking becoming immersed in another similar situation. There were plenty more 'Aro's' out there.

One would think running a bar was not the safest occupation either, but he felt more in control there, and was handling his life outside better than most had hoped, so they were stepping back.

I was so glad I'd not seen the things he'd seen.

My nights were bad enough.

I usually woke up with my bedsheets twisted around my body, or on the floor, and sometimes I was on the floor with them.

I knew I'd earned the sweat on my skin from physically fighting off the bad guy, and no prizes for guessing who he was. Always. It was always Aro.

Sometimes I was avenging Bella's death at his hands; other times the unspeakable things he had done to her.

Rose had managed to get her hired in a position of some safety and power, but things like that change on a dime. At any point he could have decided Bella was just the girl he needed in one of the even more terrifying dungeons, where a whole party of men paid for the services of a single girl. Not many of those girls came out of it alive, and even if they did, they were too damaged to remain an asset and were thus disposed of.

Or he could have decided she was just what he needed in his own playroom for his own enjoyment. God knew what sort of twisted pleasures he preferred himself.

Like Emmett, Bella had held a fanciful idea of what went on in those places, though I knew by the time we got her out she knew a lot more of the reality. But even so, she had still been working in the softest option dungeon. It would not have lasted. Aro would have realized he could get a lot more money for both her and Rose had he taken away their whips and stripped their bodies of their sexy little costumes and thrown them naked to the wolves.

I saw it over and over again in my sleep.

Rose had walked away relatively intact it seemed. Emmett said they were both coping okay and looking forward, not back. He was completely captivated by her and she by him, so we had that silver lining as well.

So all that needed to happen now was for the images in my mind to be erased and relieve me of the horrors it had concocted up.

Nothing had happened.

Bella had not been touched.

Why couldn't I just celebrate that actual fact and let go of the 'what ifs'?

It was over now.

Being apart from her had not helped at all. Breaking up was never the answer and not an option, anyway, and not what I intended.

I couldn't recall exactly what words I'd said to her but she knew it was not a Goodbye Forever situation. We both needed time, but we both knew we would get back together.

Together we had one anothers backs. God knows what would happen to her if I wasn't around.

I knew she had learned from her mistake.

And I needed her like I needed air.

This seemed like the ideal setting to start again.

Bella had to attend classes by day and although they were different classes to mine, I still would know where she was. Outside of class, we would be in the same building, hopefully in the same room much of the time.

Maybe she could sleep in here with me at nights and keep the bad dreams away. Just feeling the warmth of her body pressed up against my back had flipped a switch and left me sleeping like a baby, warm and safe and content.

My body needed hers even in slumber.

Marcus didn't necessarily know I was here, he had merely passed on to me all the relevant details of the case including this address, where Bella would be living. It had been simple to get voted in. A few suggestive smirks toward Jade when I 'accidentally' met her in the coffee shop on campus; an interest in Siobhan's pregnancy when she was at the local maternity clinic where I would be doing some behind the scenes shiftwork; buying a few rounds of drinks at the local club for the males in the house before the interview, and I was unanimously in.

They all recognised me immediately and I was 'that nice guy from the coffee shop/clinic/bar' and that's all it took.

I was everyone's best friend.

Carlisle had listened when I told him why buying this house would be a good investment. It was located near enough to several learning centers to ensure it would always be fully occupied by students. Now that Bella had moved in, I wanted to 'renovate'.

I'd shown a builder what needed to be done to convert the attic back to one big room, and the only problem was expanding the bathroom.

It pretty much could not be done without ripping everything out and starting again, and that would mean we couldn't live there while it was being refitted.

Instead, I decided to have a free standing clawfooted bathtub installed in one of the bay windows.

I already knew how much Bella loved bathtubs in the bedroom, so she would be delighted. I didn't need to discuss it first, but I did need to be very sure she was ready to share the attic room with me.

We didn't need to backpedal all the way back to the beginning, just take a few steps backwards and do things in the proper order.

We'd been so happy sharing her first tiny apartment and I felt strongly that going back to that type of cohabiting would revive our deep friendship, the foundations on which this relationship was based. But we could sleep together in the literal sense.

That meant while we may share a bed, there would not be sex.

Not immediately.

Well, not full sex.

Putting Bella in my bed and banning all forms of touching was never going to work.

I liked the idea of experiencing the acutely pleasurable anticipation of the day when we would consummate again, so I had no clear date in mind when it would happen.

We'd just know.

In the meanwhile, we'd get us back to where we were when things fell apart and this time, get it right.

Sunday we had explored the surrounding area, and gone to a open-air weekend produce and crafts market where she'd bought several boxes of fresh fruit and vegetables 'straight from the farm'; eggs so fresh they'd been under a chicken an hour ago, and a handmade poncho in all shades of purples for her Mom. Just because both of us lacked a spare hand to carry it, she'd put it on, and by the time we got home I knew Renee would not be getting it.

My hands were blue with cold when we got back to the car and Bella took them and tried to rub the blood back into them, then grinned and instead, put them inside that warm poncho, onto a pair of very cosy breasts.

"Honestly, Edward, you need to wear gloves. The circulation in your hands is pitiful."

"Funny, it feels amazing," I'd replied, rubbing them gently against her bare skin. Somehow they'd crept inside her clothing but nobody could see that because of the brightly coloured garment hiding what lay beneath from prying eyes.

"I like this pocho on you," I murmured and she laughed.

"I guess it has it's uses. I suppose we could come back next weekend and buy another one for Renee, seeing you are so attached to this one already."

Despite being in a parked car in a car park surrounded by people coming and going to and from the market, things had moved along, and I'd started kissing her.

Initially she'd pulled back and frowned, then she'd justified us kissing.

"I suppose this is like a first date and everyone kisses on first dates. The hands in the bra thing is just a medical issue, not us moving forward too quickly, right?"

"Considering I'm about to turn thirty one years old, I think our dates can be a little more adult than the usual new relationships," I replied.

"But no real sex?" she said wistfully.

"That's right, no real sex," I confirmed and her body sagged against mine in disappointment.

"One step at a time, my Bella. If you want to sleep over in my bed some nights, we can do that. We are adults and have some self control."

"Of course we do," she agreed, her eyes brightening up, no doubt realizing, actually, we had very little self control. "It's a pity they ever divided that attic. Think of what an amazing space it could be if they hadn't put up those stupid dividing walls."

"They are only temporary. It has just been done to create two bedrooms from one space to get an extra tennant in."

"Well, I hate them. I liked it when you stayed over in my little home back in the day," she sighed. "I liked arguing over coffee duty and listening to you sleep."

"Maybe we can do something about it," I murmured, lost in her aroma as I pushed my nose into her neck and let her hair cover me.

I mouthed her throat and she writhed and sighed, finally pushing me away.

"We should get back. Sorry, folks, the show is over," she grinned at several people who were looking our way. We'd attracted a little attention with our antics, but most were women looking on and possibly reminiscing about when they were college students.

Young love, is there anything better?

I actually hoped so. I hoped our love would have the chance to mature and grow and solidify into forever love.

xxxx

Jade frowned as we walked inside laughing at something silly, and Bella raised her eyebrows at me behind the girl's back.

"Hi Edward. I wondered where you'd gone so bright and early. I was about to head off to the gym. I was wondering if you were interested in coming with me. I'm a full member so I can take a guest for three months without them having to pay anything."

"I don't actually enjoy working out, so you would be wasting your free pass," I replied, walking to the kitchen to place my box of produce on the table next to Bella's.

"Actually, Bella and I had just decided to become running partners. I can't afford to sit around and get fat at my age, so she has convinced me we should partner up and run off an early morning when the air is all crisp and clean. I know you prefer sleeping in, so I knew you wouldn't want to run with me."

"That's true," she replied. "I find staying in my warm bed much more satisfying than freezing my arse off out in the cold air outside, until I'm forced to get up and face it. I guess you and Bella have nothing better to do of a morning than go for a run. It's great that you two are friends."

She was fishing again but the last thing I wanted to do was cause any problems within the house. Bella could not get kicked out and screw up another assignment.

"We are friends," I confirmed. "So, have fun at the gym and I'll see you later."

I hoped I didn't sound like I was leading her on. It was a tricky situation. I had zero interest in her, but it was necessary to keep her sweet. She may not be too pleased when she found out I was converting the attic back to a single room.

"Hey, I had an idea. My family has an on snow chalet in the ski lodge in Jiminy Peak. We should go there next weekend."

"That would be fun," Jade answered, putting her hand on my arm. "I have plenty of suitable outfits I want to wear. On the slopes and later, much later. Around a roaring fire, with a glass of brandy in my hand. Maybe on a bearskin rug. I'm sure you and I will have a great time."

"Bella loves to ski, and I bet Laurent and Benjamin and Alex would love to come with us as well. And Siobhan could watch us skiing from inside the cabin. We should all go," I added.

Jade pouted. "I guess. We would have our own bedroom, though?"

"There are enough bedrooms for everyone," I replied, ignoring her question. There was no 'we' and never would be, but how to convey that without causing problems?

I just wanted everyone out of the house so the builders could do their job and be gone by the time we returned. There was no reason for anyone else to ever venture uninvited up our staircase.

xxxx

The guys were enthusiastic when I announced our plans for the next weekend and that night Bella and I talked about what our behaviour would be towards one another in the chalet.

She was curled upon my bed, above the covers, and I didn't say anything.

Of course there would be times when one or the other of us were too wired to allow any skin contact, for various reasons.

If we were to remain chaste, we had to respect one another recognizing in themselves sometimes that 'right now, I would just not be able to stop if we so much as just kissed'.

Hopefully it would occur at different times so there would always be one of us still in control. If not, then this was not going to work.

I really wanted to rebuild our connection slowly, and strange as it might sound, I was eager to indulge in nothing more than petting. In my early relationships, that's all there had been. For me, petting brought back the times I was with a girl because I truly liked her and wanted to respect her, and it had been vastly different to the later randoms I'd taken to bed strictly to fuck.

With the latter I'd been so uncaring I could hardly look back now and bear acknowledging that that closed off, lust driven man had been me. I hadn't cared if they'd been ready or not, I'd just lubed them up and ploughed right in and done the deed; usually no kissing even had been involved.

Why pretend to have feelings when none were present?

But petting had been different, and had come after a period of time when each girl and I had only kissed and held hands. Then I'd been allowed access to soft breasts, and after a time, petting in the lower region, but it had only happened between girls I'd had feelings for.

Bella I cared about so much more than any of the others, so I wanted that period of time before I had full sex with her.

Sadly we couldn't go back to when we were both untouched and innocent, but I wished we could have. How much more meaningful would life be if we'd waited for one another? There was not one single relationship or encounter I would regret not experiencing, if we could turn back time and only truly know one another.

In our next lives, we would be smarter.

I had no doubts that we'd been made for one another and would find each other every reincarnation.

Next time we would get it right the first time.

But in this life, all we could do was make amends.

We'd take it slow, and not rush.

We'd be patient and neither would push for more until the other was ready.

It would be a natural progression and one night we would not want to stop, and we'd be back.

Stronger and better than before.

But that night was still a while away.

I wanted it to be very very special for us both, but how to ensure that?

I shook my head to clear the images away and got back into the present moment.

"We have to be strictly platonic in the chalet. No gazing into one another's eyes; no kissing,or disappearing together. I really need to convey to _everyone _ in the house that I am not available and words aren't doing it, so I plan to use this opportunity to show them all that we are all just friends. No doubt someday in the future it will become obvious to everyone that you and I are together, but it has to happen in our own time so no need for any of them to get a heads up yet, in the meantime.

It's our business and most of them won't care anyway."

"It would be kind of nice to get back together and have nobody at all aware of that fact for a while. I feel a bit guilty of not letting your parents know you are not actually off chasing some new piece of skirt, mind you."

"It's their own fault," I replied. "You know if they knew we had found one another again, it would be 'so, is the engagement still on? When can we expect a wedding? Does this mean there will be the pitter patter of little feet coming along soon?'

We don't need that sort of pressure."

"You are right," she agreed.

I switched off my bedside light and Bella snuggled up closer, her head on my chest, and we both got a good nights sleep.

Somehow having her with me, reminding my brain even as it slept that she was safe and here; home with me, kept the nightmares away.

xxxx

BPOV

Edward took it upon himself to show me around campus and after I signed in and got my schedule, we parted, agreeing to meet up for lunch each day.

My classes were a little challenging to my surprise. Things had changed already since I'd finished my actual college years, so it wasn't the ride in the park I'd expected.

It was actually interesting to see the slant different professors put on old subjects.

I was glad to have some challenges while meeting new people and fitting in amongst them.

I had to make as many new friends as possible in order to one day be privy to hearing about who bought what drugs from whom, so I became Butterfly Bella, fluttering from one group to another, introducing myself.

The guys were mainly pretty friendly, but then, their main reason for being in college was to get their jollies with as many different girls as possible, so naturally they were welcoming. The girls less so. Some were hesitant if I'd been flirting with the object of their affection in front of them, so it was a tricky hand to play.

Friendly but not too friendly.

Flirty but not threatening.

Occasionally I confided in some of the girls that my heart was already taken by some mysterious stranger who didn't know I existed, so that warmed them to me. Nothing like a fellow female in the same boat, suffering through unrequited love, to bond us together.

Day by day my circle of friends increased and I become someone many of the students knew by sight, at least, so I managed to stand in while different groups chatted and they accepted me without thought. I was just one of hanger-oners of the group. Someone else's friend.

Nobody questioned my presence.

I was not to mention drugs at all in case it triggered interest and suspicion from the wrong sources, the dealers themselves. This assignment was to merely chat and listen and if any pertinent information came my way, pass it on.

It was a newbie assignment, my 'parole' for past indiscretions.

Edward and I were meeting up for a drink tonight at Biers Beers, and so at lunchtime I would be making sure he knew everything there was to know about me and my ex.

I didn't want anything getting stirred up again but I was not about to lie to Edward and keep any facts from him. If I didn't tell him Riley was living in 'our' apartment, and he found out by himself, he might be thrown,and start thinking things that were not true.

I'd blown it properly in the trust department, and he was trying to believe that I would never do anything that insane again, but he still had issues.

Just because I'd given him the benefit of the doubt that he could change his ways and settle down after years of man whoring did not mean I got a free pass. I'd been no better than him, in fact, I'd sort of let the men I'd been involved with assume there could be a future together by not making it plain from the beginning that I was just using them to fill in time.

The only thing Edward had done to me in a negative light was walk away, but strangely, I'd needed him to, or I'd never have processed the severity of what I'd done.

His walking had made it hit home just how reckless I'd been.

Had he simply forgiven me and put it behind us right away, who knows? Like a kid who never gets punished for their misdeeds, would I have taken it as permission to repeat my actions in a similar way again at a later date?

What I'd done needed to have consequences, and Edward had punished me in the only way he knew would hit home.

Still, like him, I'd been dismayed and terrified of how hard it was to simply function when we'd been apart. He'd admitted the same, and it reinforced our pledge to take things slowly and build nice strong permanent foundations.

Of course, while my brain agreed and merrily clapped our decision, my body hated it.

Every time we touched hands or kissed, it tried to takeover my brain and force itself closer to his body.

Some nights I managed to stay in complete control and be satisfied with just feeling his arms around me and his lips on the top of my head; other nights a simple Good night kiss on my lips sent trembles of lust pounding inside and I'd had to tell him I really needed a night alone in my own bed.

I considered buying a 'little plastic friend' but that only occurred to me too late when I was already tucked up, having had to flee back to my bed before I ripped Edward's blankets from his body and ravished him.

My sex dreams were back, in full cinematic technicolour. Sometimes they alone got me off as I dreamed of a naked Edward hovering above me, about to enter inside me.

Sometimes I got cheated and woke up as I started writhing around at his tender touch, only to open my eyes and realize he wasn't here with me, and I'd had to resort to touching myself.

I'd never been a fan.

When things got to this point in the past, I'd taken on a lover.

That was no longer an option.

Somehow Edward and I had to manage to take things so far and no further, seeing he'd put the sex ban in place. I had no doubts that our eventual consummation would be incredible and worth the period of abstinence, but tell me that late at night when I lay here alone with my body on fire because his lips on mine had ignited the flame.

xxxx

Edward didn't react at all when I explained about Riley. He seemed to think it was quite reasonable for the man to expect to be allowed to live in the apartment he had half paid for, in fact. Maybe because I wasn't currently living there myself he was able to see it logically.

"So, let's go formally introduce me to Riley Biers," he said as he opened the barroom door for me.

Riley kissed my cheek then turned his attention to my companion.

"Edward. I'm really pleased to meet you. Good work saving this one's arse at the castle. Honestly, she can be a firecracker in the worst possible way at times. I always had trouble keeping one step ahead and pulling her back from the edge of the cliff. She tends to do first and think later as you know."

"No blood no foul," Edward replied, refusing to get drawn back down that avenue of conversation. All I needed was Riley relating all my stuff ups when we'd been partners, in both senses. I'd been bad for him on both fronts, professionally and personally, I could acknowledge that now.

And then I'd slipped back to my old ways, with Edward and nearly killed us all.

"What are we drinking?" I interjected, needing to halt too many confidences being spilled and compared. I was trying to be a better person, for Edward. Looking back at my mistakes with Riley would not be helpful.

Several students from college saw me there over the next few hours so I occasionally excused myself and socialized, as my job required, but of course I panicked over what Riley was telling Edward in my absences.

On the way home, he eased my fears.

"Riley said you were a great girlfriend ninety nine per cent of the time and it was really hard for him to walk away. I know how he felt. I think it's different with us because I couldn't bring myself to stay away, like he could. I knew what we had was worth fighting for with every breath remaining in my body.

I know you wish we'd both done some things differently, and we have a second chance, Bella. I want it as much as you do. We are going to make it this time, I know it."

We were lost in a session of passionate kissing for the next hour or so back at the house, but we'd been smart and sat on the old sofa on the middle landing.

From there we'd have plenty of warning if any of the others left the tv room where they were watching Bond movies, and could quickly separate before anyone saw us.

It was getting harder to remain in control if we kissed this way in Edward's bed, so we did restrict ourselves to only indulging outside of a bedroom.

Like high school kids being wary in case a parent walked by, we kept things under control. Then we'd be heading up to our respective bedrooms for some 'cooling down alone time' before I crept into the other attic bedroom to sleep in Edward's bed with him.

Cooling down time was a polite way of saying finishing off alone ourselves what we had started together.

Then, of course, even the option of seeing to things myself flew out of the window when we got back from the ski break in his parents chalet, and guess what, the attic dividing walls were down.

Don't get me wrong, it was a wonderful surprise and something I'd wanted myself but there was one downside.

I no longer had the privacy to quench the fire he'd started.

The attic looked amazing, that was the upside. It was all freshly painted in snowy white, and the exposed rafters now looked more like a design feature than a necessity. There were egg shaped cane swinging chairs hanging from the beams nearest my back window, and beanbags tossed in the corner.

Both our old iron beds were gone, and instead we now had a king sized brass masterpiece to share. The mattress was twice as thick as the former had been, and the bed was covered with a heavily embroidered white on white brocade bed cover, topped with a white puffy continental quilt.

The walls no longer followed the roof line from floor level; now the bottom half was enclosed in, making half height closets to hang our clothes inside. The doors were pretty with those lovely decorative moldings usually seen on French Provincial armoires.

We had white wicker furniture, complete with hand sewn scatter cushions.

The bare bulbs in the ceiling were gone, replaced by two white candelabra style chandeliers.

The whole room gleamed white like an ice cave.

The floorboards had been stripped back and whitewashed to complete the look. I felt my toes curl in delight as I kicked my shoes off and waded through the brightly coloured shagpile floor rugs.

The only colour to the room apart from these rugs was the newly installed stained glass windows.

A large pink flower sat inside light green leaves, surrounded by arched black lines that broke up the glass into sections.

"Just a little reminder of your loft," he said with a smile. "Obviously I could only have the fixed side of the window done, seeing we have to open the other half at times."

"They are beautiful," I said in awe. I looked around the room,feeling the need to pinch myself and prove it was all real.

And then there was the bath tub, sitting snugly in the space created inside the bay window.

"Edward, you bought me a tub," I may have squealed in delight.

I turned and threw myself at him, my legs around his waist as I pecked his face with a hundred kisses.

He walked us to the bed and dropped me on top, then hovered above me, his knuckles white as he gripped the bedhead posts, breathing roughly.

"We have to behave," he said through gritted teeth, releasing the metal uprights to start pulling my clothes off my unresisting body and lifting me again to place me inside the covers.

His own clothes met a similar fate and he slid into bed beside me and reached for my breasts, his favourite toys. As his frenzied lips tore at my own, I pressed my needy body in closer and he slid a hand down to cover my mound then one single long finger invaded my folds and I writhed as he firmly traced small circles , faster and faster, exactly where I needed him to.

"Come for me, Baby," he begged, his voice rough and husky.

Of course he got me off in an instant and I flopped back down beside him, humming in delight.

"Too late with the dirty talk, I was already there. You do that so much better than I do. God, I needed that."

I felt my body ride out the aftershocks against his palm, then reached for him to return the favour.

I'd never enjoyed schoolyard petting so much before.

"No, it's okay," he said, taking my hand off his body and kissing my fingers.

"Come on, Edward. One good turn deserves another. Let me touch you."

"If you touch me like that, there's no way I'll be able to settle for a handjob. I can take care of myself later in the shower, like I normally do."

"But that's unfair," I moaned.

"How is it unfair? I satisfied your needs, now I can do the same for my own."

"You got to watch me come," I growled. "Why can't I watch you? We have usually been too focused on one another's eyes when we made love to watch the mechanics of getting off. I want to touch you and watch you come."

"Then I'll do it myself right here," he sighed, giving in. I wrapped my leg around his thigh so he could feel my core against him, riding him gently.

He was awkward and self conscious at first so I nipped his ear and licked his neck, always a turn on for Edward and he got into it and stroked himself harder. He shut his eyes, and tried to lose himself to the imminent pleasure, and I licked my thumb and leaned down, rubbing it gently over his tip and he lost it.

"Fuck me, I want you so much," he hissed as he came on the bed sheets.

I kept a layer of cloth between my hand and his erection and stroked gently until he was finished, then sat up to break the tension.

"Are you positive us sharing a bed is our best idea?" I checked, tucking my hair back behind my ears, then hugging my knees as I bent my legs up on the bed.

This was possibly the only way to keep them together. God knows my legs just wanted to sprawl apart and tempt him inside their apex. But Edward really felt it was a good idea to wait before resuming full sexual activities and I had to honour his wishes.

He grabbed a bottle of water from beside the bed and drank it down in one go.

"Maybe not. But we are useless apart and it's not like sleeping in the same bed is anything new. We can handle it."

Sure we could.

xxxx

My dreams that night were an entirely different version of events at the chalet, than what they'd been in reality.

Everyone in the limo Edward insisted on hiring to get us there, was shocked at the 'little chalet'. It was indeed 'on snow', not back with most of the others that were tucked away leaving a bit of a hike to get to where the actual skiing took place.

For us, we just opened a door and stepped out, right into the action. The ski lift was a few steps away from the front entrance.

Even I assumed the Cullen's just owned part of the building we entered; it could hardly be just for the one family,surely. It must contain apartments, I thought.

Wrong.

It was all theirs.

There were four enormous bedrooms upstairs with en suited bathrooms and sitting areas attached.

Then there were the usual library, music room, games room,and media rooms like every good weekend skiing chalet needed, I thought in amazement. Did this family even know how most of us lived?

Roughing it probably meant they had no butler.

I was kind of surprised now at the house they bought in Forks. Sure it was the largest and most expensive house there, but it wasn't so grand that you'd assume they also own properties like this one.

Downstairs there were two more bedrooms, plus a restaurant sized kitchen, and the sitting and dining rooms would look at home in the nearby resort.

The basement was one massive room full of pool and snooker tables , and all those table games boys liked to play. There was a bar in the corner, just so you didn't have to leave home to go mix with the commoners just to have a few drinks.

The far end was furnished with a collection of sofas surrounding an enormous wooden coffee table; somewhere for the females to sit and chat if they didn't want to join in and compete with the menfolk.

We walked back upstairs, mostly speechless.

Outside there were a series of garages housing a variety of vehicles. No doubt the jeep was Emmett's. There were enough snowmobiles for us all, and stacks of ski equipment in the last storage room.

We had a daily visit from both a housekeeper and a chef.

I saw Jade's eyes take everything in and they changed as she saw dollar signs.

"Why on Earth are you renting a room in a crappy little share house when you obviously could buy the whole town and live in your own gated estate?" she asked.

"This all belongs to my parents. I'm a student and I prefer to live like one," he replied. "I did buy the 'crappy little share house' mind you, so now you pay your rent to me."

Obviously the effect of knowing Edward Cullen came accompanied by endless funds just made him that much more attractive, and she pulled out all the stops.

Our host had showed us the bedrooms and suggested we choose which one each of us wanted and I'd deliberately chosen one of the two downstairs beside Siobhan's chosen room rather than one upstairs near Edward's.

That way there was no chance I'd be tempted to sneak in during the night. We'd only be here two nights; we could manage to sleep apart that long.

Edward came back downstairs looking harassed.

"What's up?" I asked, having checked nobody was around in hearing distance.

"I miscalculated. I automatically assumed you and I would share a room, without thinking. We are one bedroom short. I know Alex and Ben would be happy to bunk in together but Jade assumed she and I were sharing a room. I'm not experienced at the art of keeping unwanted attention at arm's length. I don't know how to handle it yet still keep her on side."

His solution had always been to just bite the bullet and get it over with immediately, in the distant past, then make it clear it had been a one night stand. Now he had to learn how to find another way.

"I even told her I am in love and she said she was sorry to hear that and maybe this weekend would be a good opportunity to test that. If I still love my soul mate by Sunday night when we leave, then so be it, but she wants me to give her a chance. I want to just tell her to go away but I don't want to wreck things at the house."

"Edward, most people have to learn how to let someone down tactfully when they are still in High School. Have you really never just said 'no'?"

" I had a constant stream of girlfriends one after the other in high school, then I was with Tanya. Nobody attempted to come between us. In college, girls quickly figured out I was single, and it was always easier to just..."

"Well then, your education in turning down unwanted offers begins now. Talk to her. Explain you only do monogamous and you would never cheat. She has to respect that."

"Do you think so?" he said worriedly.

"Well, I would also lock my door tonight," I replied with a grin.

She had been a little prickly after Edward sat her down and drew the line in the sand, but I could tell she had not given up the chase by any means.

She wandered from her suite draped in a towel, completely unnecessarily when her shower room was en suited off her bedroom.

I saw Benjamin looking her over and raising his eyebrows. From what I'd picked up, he was the only other male in the house she hadn't been with, and maybe he'd use this time to remedy that.

It would be a convenient solution.

Edward was sleeping in the bedroom his parents usually occupied, partly to have some distance so nobody would overhear his cries of distress if he had nightmares. It was situated away from the other upstairs bedrooms, and he loudly thanked the two men for agreeing to share the bunk room so the rest of us got separate boudoirs.

All the same, he was still jumpy and nervous and preferred us all being on the slopes where Jade could not monopolize him.

She fell down as often as I did, but while my falls were a natural result of having two left feet, hers were orchestrated to attract Edward's attention and she'd reach out to him pitifully for help each time she tumbled.

Finally I saw him confer with Ben, and that boy suddenly became Jade's constant companion.

"How much did you pay him?" I asked as Edward pulled me from a pile of snow and got me upright again.

"Never you mind. It was cheap compared to the hassle of having her bothering me."

He made sure he sat at the head of the table at meal times so nobody could sit beside him, and always occupied a recliner rather than a place on the sofa in the evenings.

Even so, Jade waited until he set off for bed himself both nights, so he still had to repeat his intentions to remain faithful to his mystery girlfriend twice more.

"She's a tenacious beast," he murmured in my ear the last morning we were there and Jade was busy selecting Edward's breakfast from the buffet on the sideboard.

Ben looked dejected,so apparently she had not decided to cut her losses and let him keep her warm at night.

It had been a whole new experience for Edward but he had coped.

xxxx

Edward had cooked dinner when we got back to the share house, and announced he was exhausted and was going to bed straight afterwards, and I followed him up as soon as Jade left to go visit a bar with the guys.

That's when I discovered what had been happening in our attic space.

We'd taken a step forwards, and I supposed it would only be a matter of time before somebody came up and found just the one door opening off the landing, now even the little shower room was incorporated into our room.

Someone would soon twig that we were living together.

Whatever.

We would not be the first pair of students to play house while living away from home.

Most nights Edward prepared me a post dinner bath. He knew the ingredients.

Lots of warm water.

Soapy bubbles.

One naked Edward.

We had to sit facing one another to both fit, so it was a chaste exercise in naked togetherness that we could handle.

Nights were becoming harder.

Even if we managed to sit side by side sipping our hot chocolate and talking about our day, then turning out the light and falling asleep with Edward spooning my body, it didn't last.

Long before morning we would awaken and desperately seek the other out.

Then it would be a frenzy of kissing and touching and trying to satisfy one another's needs without crossing the line.

Who knew avoiding sex was even possible in these circumstances?

I gave us both a mental gold star when we managed to stop short of the real thing, and it was kind of funny listening to Edward's heart trying to calm down again after a round of petting, and hearing his breath rasp.

I seemed to be the one with the more control, so that was interesting, because God knows I had not expected to be.

**A/N Indicate if still reading, please. If we are all bored by now I can do the quick ending. I have 2 more chapters written but can tie everything up with one more chapter after those if nobody wants it dragged out longer.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N Believe it or not, I do try not to use Australianisms but mostly I have no way of knowing if some phrase or word is different to what my readers use. Hessian bag may be an Aussie thing. They are woven jute bags used to bag up grains like wheat etc, then farmers wives reuse them as doormats. Some of you may call them feed sacks, maybe?**

**About the reviews (Cheers), if you dont review, I cannot tell if anyone is still reading, so when reviews fall way off, I end the story. Its how I judge when to shut up. Basically my readers always have control of when a story is done, so if you are still wanting more, then review. One word reviews are fine. You may even say "Shut up now". When my daughter was a baby, one of the first things she said was "Don't sing". I am used to criticism. **

It's Murder Sequel

Chapter Four

EPOV

Somehow the weeks had flown by and we had kept to our resolve.

Our revirginization was still intact and we'd never crossed the line. Mind you we did everything short of the actual act and to my delight, it was working out just as I'd hoped.

Joy and playfulness had returned to our relationship and Bella would tease me unmercifully when we sat together on the sofa downstairs surrounded by the other tenants.

She'd told everyone about my poor circulation, then produced a big fluffy blanket that she covered the two of us with.

Then she proceeded to try and drive me insane as we snuggled together watching television with them, night after night.

Her hands would 'accidentally' stroke a part of my body and I would try and grab her wrists to keep her fingers off me, and we'd end up play fighting until we fell onto the floor.

Jade had backed off once she saw how Bella and I interacted in front of them all, and I was sure they all knew pretty quickly that we were an item.

That was good because it gave us permission to hug and kiss and be together openly.

We went out on dates and held hands across the table.

Lunchtime always found us sitting at 'our' table in our favourite eating place on campus, and after our final class of the day we mixed with the other students wherever they gathered.

We'd both been offered varieties of softer drugs.

I took up the offers and in time, managed to get myself a few names of dealers by offering to pay for the next round myself. I didn't actually use anything, but nobody cared, so long as I was generous with my stash. There were others, 'like me', who only used in the privacy of their own bedrooms, so I wasn't labelled as odd. I was merely a guy who liked to party in private.

Drugs had never been my thing and with my tobacco addiction being so hard to beat, there was no way I was dangling my toes in any new dangerous waters.

Bella did the whole nervous drug virgin act and chickened out at the last minute a few times, scared her 'father' might find out and stop her allowance.

I never let her go anywhere alone. If I couldn't attend a party, neither could she.

It was strange how we got so used to being students together, and this life was slowly becoming our real, actual life.

We both enjoyed our classes, and made friends who we would really like to hang with even if they were of no use to the investigation.

We met up at Riley's bar once a week and he would make a show of training Bella to be a barmaid, and she would deliberately muck up, pouring a beer and making it half foam, from the tap, and so forth.

This meant she never actually got to work any shifts yet, and she and Riley could chat together without anyone thinking anything of it.

The raids that saw a lot of small time dealers arrested seemed to have nothing to do with us; nobody ever saw any connection. We were too ordinary; too obsessed with one another to strike anyone as anything out of the ordinary.

Jade warned Bella now and then that there were other fish in the sea and maybe she should explore whether she was really ready to settle down with just me, instead of playing the field, and once she even said it would never work unless we spread ourselves around and tried a few 'other flavours'.

Obviously the one she wanted me to try was Jade flavour, but I laughed it off and went to meet Bella down the bottom of the long driveway.

She and Siobhan were walking down to the letterbox every afternoon, so Bella could feel comfortable that she was looking after her new friend. The baby was overdue and she'd read gentle exercise could move things along.

Benjamin and Laurent had joined a band made up of several other students so many nights it was just Bella and me and Siobhan at home, while Alex and Jade went to watch rehearsals.

Much cosier inside now anyway.

We warned Siobhan to go into labour during the daylight hours and not in the middle of some freezing cold night or nobody would want to leave their warm beds to go to the hospital with her.

Most nights we talked and played card games together then when Siobhan went off to her bedroom, we'd chase one another upstairs and play Strip Bella Naked, my favourite game.

We'd pretty much exhausted every possible way to make love without breaking the rules, but we were always open to trying something new.

Bella was very much her old self again, giving as good as she took. She'd blossomed and returned to her old persona, though I was pleased to see her pause and consider things now.

When we at the bar and some guy she was chatting to alone would tell her about his dealer, she'd look around for me and make an excuse why she couldn't go with him on his buying mission.

Even though ninety nine per cent of the time she would be perfectly safe, seeing most exchanges took place just outside the bar in the car park, she still kept to our agreement and excused herself.

I was pleased, because we had become very comfortable around all these people and nothing bad had ever gone down, but still, Bella played it safe.

Her erratic impulses seemed to be very under control.

xxxx

The night Siobhan went into labour was one none of us three would ever forget. The others were out as usual. The band was attracting a lot of attention and Jade and the others wanted to be known as their staunchest supporters so they attended every rehearsal.

It was just the three of us left home.

We'd been rugged up around the kitchen fire, while Bella's cookies baked in the oven. Now they were cooling on racks on the table.

All of Bella's and my own laundry had been washed and dried in the utility room, so I'd folded everything as it came out of the dryer nice and warm.

Siobhan had been yawning, and I was getting impatient for her to go to bed so we could, so I was tidying the room while the girls talked.

_Come on, come on, it's time._

All I could think about was holding Bella in my arms and getting lost in her kisses, and maybe banning all hand contact, leaving our mouths to do the work. I was feeling unsettled and a little concerned as I felt my jeans becoming tighter.

I leaned a hand on the wall and tried to give Bella the signal to wind it up and come to bed, when Siobhan stood up and said she had to go get some sleep now.

We both said goodnight and headed for the staircase when a cry made us freeze in our tracks.

"I think my water just broke."

"Oh great timing," I growled sofly, turning to head for the phone while Bella raced back to her friend's side.

"We need an ambulance," I stated , giving our address. I guess I could have offered to drive her to the hospital myself but I still had visions of naked Bella in my head and it would be hours before Siobhan needed anyone at her side helping her through the final stage.

Bella and I could follow her into the Delivery Room in an hour or two, once we...cleaned up the kitchen.

"What?" I said to the 911 operator in surprise. "No, it's fine. I'm a fourth year medical student raised by a doctor. I can handle things here until the road is cleared. I'll put the outside lights on. We are the long driveway third from the corner of Turlington Street."

I turned to the girls, who were both looking at me questioningly.

"Apparently we are snowed in. It's been snowing for the last three hours and the roads are blocked. We have to stay put until they can clear a path out to here for the ambulance. It shouldn't take more than an hour or so. Don't worry, it's only in movies that babies arrive within half an hour of the first contraction."

"How long will it take?" Siobhan asked, leaning back with her hand on her hip. "I haven't had any contractions, it's just my back. It hurts like a bitch."

Back labour. Perfectly normal and common.

It rarely presented as the only symptom of labour.

Really, really rarely.

But my medical training told me I needed to be sure.

"Bella, take Siobhan to her bedroom and help her undress and put her into a nightgown or something with access. I have to check and see if her cervix is dilating. I'm sure it will be early stages, but I have to monitor progress."

I grabbed some clean towels from the pile of my newly laundered linens and placed them by the fireside to warm up again. Just in case.

I went upstairs and came back with my basic emergency kit. There wasn't much in it until I was qualified to carry what real doctors carried in their bags. My hands were soon gloved and lubed and Bella sat at the bedside level with Siobhan's head as I approached and tried to keep the light hearted banter up. I'd never had to insert my fingers inside someone in front of my girlfriend before.

"Lie back and think of England," I joked, lifting her nightgown up a little and pausing at the sight before me. Clearly this birth plan had been written by a screenplay writer. The top of the baby's head was crowning.

This was not going to be the night I had anticipated.

Even the second place scenario was out; a night of helping our friend pace the floor and encouraging her to breathe through the pains while listening for the sound of an ambulance approaching. This was the real deal. I couldn't control the pace, all I could do was adapt and accept I had little control over how quickly this was happening. It was another lesson in accepting things I couldn't change.

I'd talked to Siobhan half a dozen times, tweaking her Birth Plan, and I'd felt confident it would all come together in an organized manner and proceed perfectly. She'd have a few weak contractions, I'd assess her and either drive her to the hospital, or call an ambulance if things progressed faster than normal, and she'd be in the safest place available to give birth, with lots of white coated fully qualified professionals, and at most, I'd be an observer.

Maybe a birth partner.

Just there to cheer her on.

It was not supposed to happen like this.

"I feel funny. I can't just lie here on my back," Siobhan exclaimed. She would be more stable leaning face down on her hands and knees and nothing was going to slow this down anyway.

"Bella, let's get Siobhan more comfortable," I said, explaining what we were doing.

"It's going to happen very soon, so we just need to remain calm and there will not be any reason to panic."

I sounded sincere.

My heart thumped a little but my automatic response, born from my medical training, took over instantly. Maybe I'd never delivered a baby unassisted, let alone in a bedroom of a snowed in house with no hope of medical support for hours, but I knew what to do. I was confident I could handle things and the girls would react to however I reacted. If I showed any fear, they'd panic .

Much better to just do what I'd been trained to do, and let them follow my lead.

Bella got the towels then stayed at the bedside, with an arm across her friend's back while I sat cross legged on the bed between Siobhan's legs and held my hand against the emerging infant's head to slow it down so she didn't tear.

My brain switched to automatic and as the head eased out, I checked for the cord around the baby's neck; and eased it off when it did indeed prove to be there.

The baby's shoulders rotated and out the whole slippery body slid as I watched in awe. I caught the baby in my hands and lowered it onto the mattress, then waited for the cord to stop pulsing before clamping it twice, then severing the link between mother and child. Once that was done I told Siobhan to step off the bed. She'd need to squat to encourage the placenta to come away quickly.

Bella helped her as I rubbed the baby with the warm towels and it's skin pinked up and turned purple as the newborn howled.

Good.

One screaming baby.

I showed the little boy to her mother, and Siobhan smiled weakly. I was shocked at her reaction. Had I been able to grow an entire new human being inside me and push it safely out into the world, I would have been doing handstands.

Okay, maybe not, in the circumstances, but I'd definitely be reacting a whole lot more enthusiastically than she was. At the very least giving myself a high five. She looked the baby over closely as I peeled back the towel for a second so she could see he was perfect, and saw her face drop in disappointment.

She didn't speak so I handed the baby to Bella.

" I want you to place the baby down your top, between your breasts, and wrap yourself in that comforter again. Sit on the sofa by the fire, while I deliver the placenta."

While we took care of the messy business, Bella sat transfixed by the infant against her heart and waited.

"Your son looks good," I informed Siobhan as I held her hands and let her brace herself against me as the afterbirth slowly appeared. It came away without any problems and she climbed back into bed.

I kept talking while I opened her hospital suitcase and helped myself to the necessary supplies inside.

"Had you been hoping for a girl?" I finally asked. She looked shattered. I'd hoped my first solo delivery would be a happier occasion to look back on.

"God no. Life's too hard for girls. I'm glad he is a boy," she answered.

"Then what's wrong?"

"Despite what you may think of me, there were only two possibilities for father. I had my heart set on it being Laurent's. But it isn't, is it?"

"Unlikely, but not impossible," I replied. "The baby is a very pale skinned blonde, but sometimes one set of genes is a lot more dominant and take over. In time, he may get darker. Who was the other contender, if you don't mind me asking."

"Luke," she replied. "He used to live in your bedroom in the attic."

"And he left," I stated.

"Worse, he ran off with Lucy. Apparently he'd been sleeping with us both all along. When I found out about them by walking in on the two of them in his bed, I got a little drunk. Things happened, and I woke up in Laurent's bed. Naturally that had to be nine months ago, so I've never known who did the deed. You must think I'm a terrible person."

"Siobhan, you won't find either Bella or me sitting in judgement for you making a poor choice when it comes to sexual hook ups. Neither of us have lived very wisely, shall we say. You have a very long way to go before you'd rival my track record. Let's just say we all have made mistakes in our pasts and maybe from now on we will all be a little smarter. Okay?"

"I want to be a good Mom to my baby," she replied.

"I'll get Bella to bring him in to you. You need to keep him warm against your skin until the ambo arrives. I'll have to keep checking your loss, but everything looks normal so far. Congratulations by the way. You did really well."

"Thank you, Edward. I don't know what I would have done if I'd been here alone."

"Much the same I imagine. It was a textbook delivery. Women have had to deliver their babies alone for centuries and they usually manage without a man interfering. You'd have coped. Like they say, you cannot judge the strength of a teabag or a woman until you put them into hot water."

Bella was reluctant to hand the baby over, I noted with delight.

We arranged the infant on his Mom's chest and covered them both with blankets, then sat there together by the bedside until they were both taken to hospital.

There was a paramedic on board, so I stayed and helped Bella get the bloodstained sheets into the wash, and cleared away all signs of what had happened here.

Once we showered and changed to go to bed, all thoughts of sexual shenanigans were long gone, and I lay there with Bella in my arms and smiled at how well things had happened. It could have ended badly, but instead, all was well. Mother and baby had survived and come through as well as could be hoped.

I'd delivered a new life into the world.

It did occur to me that tonight mirrored Riley's experience with his niece's birth almost exactly.

And this new baby had managed to have the same effect on Bella.

She turned and faced me.

"I want us to have a baby. We've proved we can weather anything thrown at us. I want a baby of our own."

"Maybe we could announce our engagement officially, as the first step towards that goal." I suggested. "Maybe in a year or so, we may be at that place, ready to begin our own child."

"Okay," she agreed, "We wait one year. From when we got back together."

"So, one year less seven weeks," I confirmed.

I guess it was time to inform the family.

xxxx

Esme was naturally delighted to hear the mystery girl was Bella. She wanted us to return home but I reminded her Bella was actually on assignment here, and I was attending college for real, not just as a way to be with her. Our time was not our own.

Emmett and Rose decided they had to come see us, at the very least, so we could have a celebratory dinner out together.

Bella was thrilled, she missed Rose a lot.

Now things were sorted and back on track, there was nothing to stop them being besties again.

Alice and Jasper were not joining us this time. Alice was suffering from morning sickness already, so air travel was out of the question. We promised to come home during our first break and they could hold our engagement party then.

We were back on track.

Maybe we could race my older brother and Rose, and see which couple got married first, and joined Alice in the maternity stakes.

Maybe they would not remain ahead of us after all.

I shook my head, laughing at myself.

The whole idea was to slow down, not try and drag Bella to the finish line before she was really ready to get there by herself.

It was working.

We were solidifying and regaining trust in one another by leaps and bounds. Just as she was learning to control her impulsive nature, I was learning to give up my need to control everything, and let things happen at their own pace.

xxx

BPOV

Rose greeted me like we had simply been apart due to our jobs or whatever, and it seemed the past was firmly laid to rest for us as well.

Thank God.

I'd worried it might permanently change things, with what had happened to her because of me.

However, it seemed Rose was still a silver linings girl, and she had decided getting Emmett as her forever partner was compensation enough.

He and Edward went to visit Riley's bar so Rose and I could catch up on all each other's news before joining them there.

I showered and came back into the bedroom, opening my closet and looking through the dresses, trying to decide which one was Edward's favourite. He had not commented on my change of style, other than to constantly assure me that I looked beautiful.

"What's with the fancy frocks?" Rose asked, no doubt confused. I'd always worn jeans, even to work if I could.

"I decided I needed a makeover. Guys prefer girls who dress feminine, right? I want Edward to like me as well as love me, and be proud to have me as his girlfriend."

"Bella, seriously? He'd love you if you wore hessian bags. You don't have to change any aspect of yourself for him."

"But I want to be better. I want to be good for him," I sighed, dropping the dress of choice onto the bed.

"You already are. Put on those two tone denim skinny jeans, they look awesome. When it comes to men noticing clothing, I'd be fairly certain all they care about is that they get to see some cleavage now and then, and that what you wear is somewhat accessible, should the opportunity arise when he can get a hand inside whatever you are wearing."

"He likes to see my legs," I confessed. I knew he did. Whenever I wore a short skirt, his hands would twitch and he'd lose concentration.

"That's fine but it's freaking cold outside. Wear the jeans."

I put them on and decided she was right. No matter what I wore, I knew Edward would love me. At some point I had to let my insecurities go.

"I bet he likes lingerie. Emmett has this thing for red lace. Honestly, I could ask him to sign over every single dollar he owns to me and he'd do it, if I was lounging about in something red and see through at the time. Men. I just love it. It's so good to have some power over him. I can't handle it when the man takes over."

She shuddered.

"So, want to hear about the night Edward delivered a baby?" I said, to distract her.

She was enthralled with my version of the birth of Laird Edward , and confided in me that although she and Emmett had only known each other a few months, they both knew it was the real thing, so she wasn't doing anything to prevent conception.

They were not officially trying to conceive, but when it happened, they'd both be thrilled. Esme was well aware of this fact and was pushing for another Cullen wedding.

"Do you and Emmett want to get married?" I asked. Marriage had never been a topic of conversation between us before, so I really didn't know if it was something she thought still had value.

"Sure. Why not? I get to wear a big dress and be the star for a day. I quite like having everyone's undivided attention, you may have noticed."

"But if Emmett doesn't want marriage? Would you be willing to have a baby still?"

She shrugged.

"We'll never know, because he is pushing for a date before the local clergyman as hard as his Mother is. Neither of them let me walk into a room without one or the other showing me a dress pictured in one of Alice's bridal magazines, or suggestions how I could wear my hair under a veil. Carlisle is just as bad, he's always telling me about their bloody private island, where we would be most welcome to go for our honeymoon. It's a conspiracy."

"Private island?" I replied. Of course they had a private island. I should have suspected it.

Edward had never told me much at all about growing up in a family dripping with money. All of his childhood anecdotes had always been about times he and his parents and brothers had spent some vacation away somewhere unnamed, and the gist of the story had always been about the love they shared. Or the wild schemes the two boys been drawn into by Emmett.

Listening to him you'd never know they'd stayed at the most exclusive resorts, probably in their own luxury condos, all around the world. He referred to 'the beach', as if it could have been La Push and not an island in Hawaii. Once he was telling me a tale about the hi jinx Emmett got up to while they were dining in a restaurant and he referred to the view from the window of the Eiffel Tower in passing, as naturally as it had been the view from the Fork's Diner.

Edward spoke of the time Carlisle risked his life to swim out and rescue them when the brothers 'borrowed' some locals leaky dinghy, and later I'd asked where that happened.

"Spain, I think," he'd answered.

Or the time Esme took them to a theme park and became paralysed by fear when they reached the pinnacle of some ride, and to her horror she screamed obscenities in her panic, the whole way back to earth. Luckily nobody watching knew the words she'd screamed...because they'd been in Disneyland, Tokyo.

Or the time Carlisle was served a plateful of raw hamburger mince when he used the wrong word ordering.

"Why would a waiter presume he wanted it raw? That makes no sense. Even if he didn't specify he wanted it cooked, surely they'd assume it."

"Apparently it's a common dish eaten in Germany," he'd replied.

It seemed he was simply unaware that their family trips had been more global than vacations average families went on.

Okay, I'd had to teach him how to pitch a tent, and I suspect he'd been surprised to hear I'd never been abroad, like it was so common to travel overseas that he couldn't imagine why I hadn't been taken off to Paris by Charlie, for some little weekend getaway.

Our childhood worlds had been vastly different, but maybe surprisingly, I envied his more because he had basked in the love of two parents than because his family had travelled everywhere.

I'd have been happy camping in the forest surrounding Forks with my Mom and my Dad, had Renee ever wanted to do that. I hadn't hankered after around the world cruises.

"So, are you going to just give in to them and be a blushing bride in a white frilly frock?" I asked Rose.

"White. Nobody cares about the whole virginal inference of a white wedding dress nowadays, right? I would have had to do the walk up the aisle a very long time ago to be worthy of that little detail."

"I don't think a majority of brides these days could pass that test," I assured her.

"Anyway, as it may not happen until I have a bun in the oven, we wouldn't be fooling anyone ."

I just wanted to know one thing.

"Rose, can I ask you a question about something you banned me from talking about?" I said hesitantly.

"Okay. One question."

"Why were you so sure that it wasn't Emmett's?"

I didn't want to say 'Emmett's baby' and make it feel more real. Now we had Laird in the house, I was finding it harder and harder to understand how some women just went to clinics and discarded the group of cells that carried the potential to one day be a live healthy baby.

"Because Emmett had not touched me."

"But at the castle..."

"Emmett reasoned it would be you and Edward that Aro would be interested in, seeing it was his money, not Emmett's. I dare say he couldn't have cared less whether I was to Emmett's liking or not. He could see Edward was determined to buy all three of us, and that was all Aro cared about."

"But what if he'd watched you two and seen you just sitting there? It could have blown the whole deal."

"We didn't sit there. We got naked and got into bed and Emmett made sure we were covered from head to toes the whole time, and we faked having sex. He howled out my name and carried on, and yelled all the shit men supposedly yell when they are having the best time of their lives. If anyone was watching, they must have bought it as the real deal"

"Why?"

She shrugged.

"He knew I had been Edward's girlfriend, once, and believe it or not, your boyfriend once adored women and treated them with the utmost respect. Before he became a manwhore like his older brother.

Emmett felt he should treat me like Edward had.

But more than that, he says he knew instantly he saw me that we would click, and he didn't want us starting out forced to bonk before we even had a conversation. And, Bella, I could not let him risk his own health, anyway. I needed to wait and be tested in case Aro... You know what I mean. He's the one and only person I've...been with...whose sexual history is completely unknown to me and while I wasn't aware of much that happened, I knew later that he had not bothered to use a condom."

She stopped and looked at me.

"Okay, I answered your question. Now swear you will never refer to any of that shit ever again or so help me, Bella, I will beat you to death."

"No beatings necessary. Actually, I think it sounds really sweet , what Emmett did."

"He's a pretty sweet guy, for a big lummox. We actually dated before we consummated. How about that? It was a first for both of us. Sure, I slept in his bed from the night we got back here but we didn't actually have sex until I joined him in Forks,and recovered from the termination. He doesn't know about the procedure; he thinks I just had a little minor surgery to fix some damage Aro inflicted on me. That's close enough to the truth, and with Bree needing to have 'repairs' done, I guess Emmett just accepted it.

He didn't take into consideration that Bree was fifteen and I had been around the block a time or ten over the years ... Though I suspect anyone Aro gets his filthy hands on probably needs medical attention afterwards. The man is an animal."

"How did you bear it, Rose?" I whispered in horror.

"The one decent thing he did was drug me up beforehand. Not to spare me pain, of course, just so I didn't put up any resistance. I still can't remember any details, just flashes. They are enough to make me break out in a cold sweat. Do you understand know why I went to that clinic?"

I nodded my head. I totally got it.

"Anyway, Bella, this is just too heavy and depressing. It's all over now. I've put it behind me and moved on."

"And now you are going to get married and have a family," I stated. "You are getting your well deserved Happy Ever After."

"I really believe we will, Bella. Who'd have thought? Emmett has made me want all sorts of things I never wanted before. I didn't hesitate to quit my career to follow him home. I'm adapting to working in a normal job.

Alice and I are even thinking of starting some type of online shopping site or something like that. We could sell quality brands and of course, shoes. She knows every decent designer's name and what their creations cost and how much mark up is acceptable to the public. I have a feeling we could do quite well."

"And the good thing is, your profit won't be vital. You'll both have very rich husbands."

"Always a bonus. Never underestimate the convenience of having a man who doesn't bitch about the credit card bill."

I laughed.

Marcus had always ranted and raved about how much money Rose had spent on 'essentials'. If she was undercover in some place where the wives drove fancy cars, she'd just buy one. If nothing else, she filled the car pool with some lovely new vehicle when she finished each assignment.

"So, when will this be over? When are you and Edward coming home? His house is finished, structurally. All that needs to be done is the painting and decorating. I don't think Esme is game to take over this time. I think she knows Edward would just give all the furniture away if he didn't like what she chose. He's done that before."

"I'm not sure. Marcus hasn't actually given me a timeline for when this winds up. I'm on trial here. I guess if I do well he will offer me something more complex next assignment. If I stay in the job. Until Edward and I do something real like get married, I have no idea where my future is headed. Naturally, he will want me to quit and settle down to domestic bliss, if we really do make it all the way to the finish line this time around.

By the way, Edward offered to buy out my share of the loft apartment, and gift it to Riley."

"Why? He doesn't like you two owning joint real estate?"

"He wants us to live in Forks, and doesn't see any reason for me to keep it on unless I want to."

"Do you want to?"

"Not really. One thing I've discovered is, we were happier when we shared the little one roomed place. It feels like 'ours', much more than the loft. Riley can have it."

"Have you seen the little apartment since Emmett redecorated?" she asked.

I shuddered.

"Bella, he was only winding Edward up when he said he was converting it into a playroom. It's not much different to how you had it."

"Playrooms are definitely not my thing," I said.

"Same here. If I ever see another whip it had better have a cowboy attached to one end."

xxxx

We went downstairs and visited Siobhan and her baby and I watched Rose morph into one of those needy women who feel their life is incomplete without offspring.

She walked around the lower rooms, cradling Laird in his blue blankets, singing to him and raising him to her lips now and then to kiss his head.

"I could just take him home and keep him. He is so adorable. Do you think he's going to have curly hair? You can see sort of swirls here and there against his skull," she said happily.

"If he proves to be Laurent's, I'm sure he'll have a full head of curls," Siobhan stated.

She grazed a finger against his cheek and smiled at Rose.

"He's the best thing I have achieved in my life and I know he always will be. Emotionally I hope he isn't Luke's son, but it doesn't really matter, because he's my son. I can be everything to him."

"Laurent seems quite keen to be part of his life," I commented. The man was no longer in the band, and spent every evening helping Siobhan with whatever she needed him to do, even though the chances this baby was his was probably remote.

Edward argued that it was actually entirely quite possible, so I deferred to his superior knowledge of genetics.

I wanted kids, but only with Edward. If anything prevented us from reproducing, I could not imagine adopting.

The real attraction was the hope of being able to create a child just like it's father, in looks and temperament. Though maybe tweak the moodiness and over thinking a little. Actually, his natural caution mixed with my impulsiveness might just make a balanced kind of child.

xxxx

I managed to drag Rose away finally and we went to the bar to join our men. They'd come in Edward's car so we arrived in the junk heap and I parked well out of sight around the back.

Rose sat there quietly in the dark as I turned off the ignition.

"I really want to have Emmett's babies. Can you imagine how adorable they will be? I bet they are born with a head full of black curls. There won't be any wondering like there is with Laird. They'll be little Emmett clone babies."

"Maybe not the girls," I joked.

"I think Emmett would be a better father to boys, don't you? I really wouldn't want a couple of sweet little girls in hand smocked dresses getting splattered with paint balls when it's Daddy's turn to play."

"You may have a point," I conceded, reaching to open my door.

A headlight lit up the immediate area and Rose and I instinctively ducked, then laughed.

In our college days, we may have dated some guys we later wanted to shake off. More than once we'd ended up sneaking out to the car park and hiding in our car while they scanned the area, looking for their disappearing dates.

Rose had come to the same college that Alice and I attended only for the final two years, but we'd both liked her instantly. I guess she and I had more in common than she and Alice.

They were both my best friends.

"So, what's this? Are we witnessing a drug deal? I'm guessing the dirty blonde on the motorbike is the local dealer," Rose said quietly, keeping the lower half of her face below the dashboard.

I peered out into the night and gasped.

"That dealer is none other than James Hunter. The biological father of Alice's son Tommy."

"God, lucky the kid got Jasper's genes by osmosis then," Rose replied. "James is hardly what one would call attractive."

"Alice thought so, once upon a time," I admitted.

"But you didn't."

"Never. A douche is a douche and they can't camouflage their true selves from me. I've met too many of them in our line of work."

"I guess with Alice working in a baby creche, she just thought all men would morph into good little Daddies at some point. Seeing that's all the type of men she met each day."

"Well, she was wrong about James. I'm glad he tossed her aside. I'm so happy she is with Jasper."

Rose sat there for a minute.

"You know James. Would he be the type of person who would sign away his parental rights if there was a cash incentive for him to do so? Imagine how happy Alice and Jazz would be if we handed them a legal document stating Tommy was legally all her child. Are you game to ask him?"

"Not without talking it over with Edward and giving him the opportunity to come with me. I promised to never do anything reckless ever again, and this would definitely come under that category."

"You are right. But do you think he'd sell his share of Tommy for the right price?"

"The only problem I could see is, if we offered him a million he'd immediately think he could hold out for more. He may have no interest in his son, but he'd be very interested in how much he could get for him."

"So, how do we contact James then? Do you know any of these tweakers he's selling to? Could we get a contact number from any of them?"

I squinted into the darkness, looking at each of the men who were walking up and exchanging money for a handful of small bags before walking quickly away.

"Alex," I said in surprise. I pointed him out to Rose.

"That blonde one lives in the house with us. I guess he must know how to get in touch with James. I will tell Edward and let him decide if it's worth him trying. I have to stay out of it. I just observe and report. End of story."

The sound of James' bike leaving gave us the all clear though we remained in the car another five minutes to avoid stragglers or lookouts before going inside to our men.

xxxx

Emmett and Rose kept me company while Edward met with Alex and purchased whatever he needed to to get the guy's co-operation, and one call later, James and Edward struck a deal.

A few days later, Edward and Jay Jenks met with James, and the actual father of Tommy signed away all his parental rights that he had never wanted anyway. After Jenks left, Edward handed James a plain brown envelope full of cash.

It was all legal and above board. There was nothing to tie the gift to the deed.

But in truth, Edward had just bought yet another human beings freedom.

xxxxx


	18. Chapter 18

It's Murder Sequel

Chapter 5

BPOV

My first thought on waking was "My God, what have we done?"

I knew full well what last night's activities had been, and my body ached in a delicious way, so ecstatic that Edward had spent many hours making love to me.

Real, proper love.

Full sex.

That wasn't the part that was on my mind.

I rolled over and caught Edward's gaze as he smirked at me.

"We really did it, didn't we?" I said in awe.

"We did. And it was so worth the waiting."

He took my left hand and flattened it against his own, palms touching together, and I grinned at our new jewellery.

We were each wearing shiny gold wedding rings.

"My Mom is going to kill us," he laughed. "Cheating her out of a wedding."

"And don't think Rachel and Rebecca will take it quietly," I reminded him. "They have those dresses, remember?"

"Bella, you don't regret marrying me yesterday with nobody but Siobhan and Laurent as witnesses, do you?"

"And Laird," I reminded him. Laird had been an important part of the ceremony. He had handed over the rings,more or less. At six months old, everything went straight into his mouth but his Mom had managed to prevent him trying to consume our wedding bands.

"How could I ever regret marrying you, Edward? You are the most important person in my life and our wedding was perfect because you were there beside me."

"We can have a full wedding ceremony bit later if you want...what am I saying? We will have no choice other than to have the full shebang sometime later. Alice and Esme will insist."

"That's fine. Are we going to tell them what gave us the final push to tie the knot?" I laughed.

Edward grinned and threw the sheet that covered us to one side, and stroked his fingers down my body.

"You are not going to tell everyone I blackmailed you to get you into the Registry Office, are you?"

"What else would you call it? Refusing to let us make love until I became Mrs Edward Cullen. If that's not blackmail, what is?"

"Actually, I'm surprised you held out so long. I had figured six weeks maybe, never six months."

"See, I can control my reckless impulses," I replied with mock dignity.

All those months of stopping short of actual penetration. All those 'discussions' about what actual full sex was...yeah, he had blackmailed me but I had been so ready.

For both marriage and making love.

"So, I hope the honeymoon isn't over yet?" he said in dismay as I jumped out of bed.

"Our honeymoon will go on forever," I assured him as I looked for something clean to wear. "But I have kitchen duty this morning and I can hear my other boyfriend calling me. See ya, Cullen. It's been fun but someone a whole lot cuter needs my attention."

"Oh that's real nice," he growled, getting out of bed and grabbing my hands. "We need to shower. If you are preparing food, then we need to wash you off first. I do not believe there is a single inch of skin I didn't sully last night."

"Bad Edward," I laughed as he pulled me under the water with him.

His eyes shone as he stopped laughing and turned serious.

"I love you, Bella Cullen, with all my heart and soul. I am forever in your power. You may treat me however you wish. I do know I am completely unworthy, but I treasure that you love me anyway."

"How could I not love you?" I replied. "You hold my heart in your hands. We will never be apart again, ever."

"I promise you that, sincerely. If ever we fall out again, I swear to stay and work things out because you are my life now. I have to treat you like the Goddess you are."

I may have resolved all my issues, but Edward still feels guilty for leaving.

Many times we have discussed it from every angle and he still hates that he added to my insecurities by walking away that time. No matter that it achieved what he intended it to.

I refuse to let anything mar our happiness, so I just pushed my breasts against him and blanked his mind.

His eyes darken as he pulls me closer.

I guess breakfast can wait another ten minutes.

"I can't believe you think I will be finished with you in ten minutes," Edward growled against my throat.

I really have to buy myself a filter to stop my mouth saying what I'm thinking.

xxxx

Laird was wide awake and balancing against the side of the crib so he could stand up and reach for me. I kissed his chubby little hands and lifted him into my arms.

"Be just wet," I prayed out loud. Messy diaper changes before making breakfast was not the pleasure you might think.

Luckily he was just damp so no drama.

I plopped him into his highchair and washed my hands at the kitchen sink.

"So, what would Sir like for breakfast today? Let's see what's on the menu. We have oatmeal, or oatmeal with stewed fruit, or oatmeal with mashed banana? Sir chooses the oatmeal? An excellent choice, may I say?"

I paused and set Edward's state of the art coffee machine so the grown ups wouldn't whinge just because the smallest member of the household always got attention before they did. He got to eat first, always.

They were big and ugly enough to look after themselves, but he was just too adorable for words.

I sat in front of him and spooned the cereal into his gaping mouth.

Laird is a boy after my own heart. You never have to resort to 'here comes the airplane, open wide' crap. He just loves to eat.

I wiped his mouth when the bowl was empty, and smoothed his bedhair down.

"Well, you certainly surprised us all with this afro," I joked. To Siobhan's delight, his wispy blonde hair had fallen out and it seemed like overnight, he'd sprouted Laurents thick black curls.

We were all in agreement that he should have dreads from the start. How cute would he look flipping them around when he was just getting old enough to walk?

It was good that he was Laurent's child but it hadn't really mattered. By the time the change of hair occurred, his Mom and biological father were a couple anyway.

Laird would never know there had ever been any other contender, I hoped.

Edward and I had been witnesses at their wedding, so it had seemed right to ask them to do the same for us.

I had no doubt Edward had taken advantage of my emotional response to sharing the joy of their nuptials to suggest maybe we could do this ourselves, one day?

Next weekend?

I had agreed immediately.

The days when I doubted we were really meant to be together were long behind. I didn't tell him but I would have married him months ago.

And not only so he would make love to me again.

That had been entirely within my own power to change if I'd so chosen.

Edward's a man and had I ever whispered in his ear as he stroked my body "Oh go on, just do it, just come inside me again," he would have forgotten all his principles and ideals in a flash.

But over time, I'd become the one who wanted to wait.

I liked the idea of waiting until after the 'I do's' this time, and doing it right.

Our courtship had been amazing, and I now could see why people did chose to wait, in decades gone by.

Though there was always the worry you'd be completely sexually incompatible. God, what if we had married while still both virgins and I'd had to accommodate that monster in his pants without having been 'broken in' first?

That sure would have put a damper on the honeymoon.

All in all, we had both fucked up quite a bit in our earlier lives, but now we were truly perfect and knowing nobody else would ever touch me thrilled me.

The idea of only ever being with Edward until the day we died was amazing, and not daunting at all.

"Now you and I have to get to work and convince Uncle Edward that you need a little friend to play with," I cooed at Laird as I lifted him free from his chair and sat him in his playpen.

In a few short months our first year of reconciliation would be up, and I hoped against hope that Edward remembered his promise.

I wanted to be round and fat and pregnant.

Though not too fat.

My height kind of meant if I got as large as Siobhan had, I'd be pretty much as wide as I was tall. Kind of like a beachball.

Curiosity got the better of me and I picked up a scatter cushion and forced it up inside my Tshirt, pulling my sweats up over it. I tapped my fingers against my new abdomen and looked at myself in the full length mirror on the wall.

Jade could not bear to enter any room that lacked a mirror, but suddenly I was grateful for that. I could hardly do this upstairs, in front of my husband.

"Wow, I guess the honeymoon night was a complete success, then," Laurent laughed, walking out and standing at my side.

He placed his hand on my 'bump'.

"Whoa, this is very strange. I can usually tell what gender a baby is just by feeling the mom's belly, but all I'm getting is an image of Spongebob Squarepants. I think your baby is made of foam rubber ."

I laughed and slapped at him and he eased the cushion from my clothing.

"There, now we are even. Edward delivered my son, now I've delivered his. Wait, I think the pink gingham cushion cover might mean it's a girl. Congratulations."

He cradled the pillow in his arms and knelt down beside his son.

"Gently, Laird. This is Bella's newborn. Be nice."

Laird reached out through the bars and slapped at the bundle in his Father's arms.

"Remind me to keep my daughter at a safe distance from your son," I joked as I poured the coffee. The aroma would prompt everybody from their beds. It never failed.

Edward walked silently downstairs and came to my side putting his arms around me, kissing my neck.

"Congratulations, by the way," Laurent laughed, tossing the cushion at us. My husband caught it in his hands and frowned.

"It's our daughter," I explained, taking it from him and handing him his blue mug. I tossed the cushion back towards the soda and it landed on the floor.

"Bella, you are such a bad mother," Laurent snickered, rescuing our 'child' and checking it for injuries. He placed it gently on the couch. "Don't worry, I'll alert Social Services. We won't stand by and let her abuse you. Pillow abuse is rife in America today, did you know that?"

Edward shook his head, laughing and sat down.

"Bella will be an awesome Mom, just you wait and see."

I would.

I hoped I would.

I would become an 'Esme' not a 'Renee'.

"So, what did we name our daughter?" he asked.

"Um, let's see. 'Bella Notte Linens', it would seem," Laurent replied, reading the tag. "Figures she'd name the kid after herself."

"We most certainly will be naming our beautiful daughter after her beautiful mother," Edward stated, taking my hand as I sat down beside him.

"No way. One Isabella Marie is enough for this world," I argued. "I shall name her Edwina. Or Edyl? Or Edlyn. Or Edwarda."

"And that is why the Name Police will be handing me the Birth Registration form," my husband replied. "Her name shall be Kristabelle. I decided that a long time ago."

"You don't think we should name her after your Mom? She's going to be a tiny bit pissed off about us eloping and all, maybe we should try and make amends when we do have a baby."

"I think I should get to name our daughter and you should name our son," Edward replied.

"Okay," I immediately agreed. When you have two extremely stubborn people in a marriage it probably pays to make a compromise like this from the start, or else 'Kristabelle/Edwina' would be at High School before she got an official name.

And now I could name our son 'Edward' and he couldn't fight it.

I do sometimes think of naming him 'Masen' in tribute to the man who rescued me in my time of direst need, but then, that name might just remind everyone of things better forgotten.

"So," said Siobhan, sinking into the chair beside Laurent and grabbing her coffee mug," Any news on Emmett and Rose's baby progress?"

Rose was, in my opinion, being ridiculous.

She was refusing to marry Emmett until she conceived.

We were all sure he wanted her, first and foremost, and much as he did want children, he would never cast her aside if she couldn't give him any.

Anyway, lots of people got married without knowing if they could give their partner a child. In reality, neither Edward nor I had any idea if we were fertile. For all we knew our lives would just be about us sharing ourselves with one another.

We had Tommy and Josette, Alice and Jasper's kids.

Josette had entered the world surrounded by much drama, as she arrived a little ahead of schedule, but she was doing fine.

"Just like Alice's kid wanting all the limelight," Rose had sighed.

"Like yours won't?" I'd pointed out.

Rose was seriously worried. She wanted me to invite her to San Francisco for a week of female bonding and shopping, as a cover for the fact she had booked appointments with the doctor her research indicated was the best fertility expert in the country.

I agreed of course, but Edward was loathe to let me out of his sight for an entire week. Okay, I admit didn't want to go without him either, but until Rose agreed to confide in him, my hands were tied. I couldn't lie to him, so she had to let me tell him the real reason for our trip, or he'd argue until the cows came home.

"Think of the Devil and she shall appear," I joked as my cell lit up and Rose's name appeared on the screen.

I excused myself and went out onto the porch.

"You can tell Edward."

"I can? Maybe you could tell him yourself," I replied.

"Fine. Whatever. Put him on."

I could tell by her voice that this month had been another disappointment. She'd been slightly overdue, but of course, Rose had hoped even being a day late meant good news at last.

I signalled through the window for Edward to come out onto the sun porch and handed him my cell, then kissed his cheek before returning indoors to get the bread toasting and the eggs scrambling.

We were all eating when he rejoined us. He sat down beside me and squeezed my hand.

"So, does this mean Rose and I are off on a road trip?" I queried.

"We are on break next week, I agreed to be your chauffeur. You know both you and Rose will be too busy looking for hot guys in every city we pass through to drive carefully."

This was Edward's joke, and it had come about because in my sleep, I had apparently discussed the hotness factor of several actors and compared them to him.

And I'd decided he was definitely the hottest.

He'd figured where my monologue was headed and had videoed the whole thing on his phone, so whenever I saw some pretty actor on tv, he would play the part where I breathlessly admitted Edward was the prettiest of them all.

"Yeah, well, just remember, I have never traveled much. For all I know this country could actually hold a whole bunch of guys who are prettier than you," I joked, and copped a slap on my behind as I stood up and started collecting empty dishes.

Somehow over time, I'd become the more or less permanent kitchen bitch.

It did excuse me from doing any other household chores, so I thought it a fair trade. Edward cleaned our tub and bathroom and did our laundry, but our bedroom never needed more than a sweeping and mopping once a week because he was so anal about keeping it tidy at all times.

Such a clean freak.

Even my rusty old heap got washed and polished and detailed inside every weekend, because Edward just preferred it that way.

Mostly we went everywhere in his car, so I didn't quite get why he was so determined to give the heap a weekly spa session, but why would I argue? We both chose our battles very carefully and let anything that wasn't important just glide by.

We had early classes today so Edward was dressed and ready to go when I got back upstairs and my clothing of the day was neatly laying out on top of our neatly made bed.

As was often the case, there was a small, prettily wrapped gift sitting on my pillow. I smiled at Edward and reached for it.

"Get dressed first," he suggested, helping me off with my T shirt and jeans and assisting me into my college clothes.

He did hamper my progress a little by massaging my breasts while I was busy trying to clip up my bra, but other than that, all he contributed was a warm wet mouth against my throat.

"Stop it. We have to go soon and anyway, I want my present," I moaned.

We sat side by side as I unpeeled the paper.

"Oh. Cool. Multivitamins," I said, disappointed. Usually it was a tiny scrap of lingerie, or his favourite panties, the ones with 'access', or something cute he'd noticed in a shop or on a market stall and bought for me.

"Prenatal multivitamins," he corrected me, and I got it.

"Does this mean..."

"It means you need to be in tip top shape so when the time comes for us to start trying, you will be chock full of all the necessary vitamins needed to give the pregnancy a good beginning."

"And that will be in..."

He laughed and pulled me down onto the bed, hovering above me.

"Like you don't know that date off by heart," he said, covering my neck with kisses and sucking my skin.

"Don't leave marks. I'm a respectable married woman now."

"Married maybe, respectable? That wasn't the first word that came into my mind last night when you were..."

"Right, Cullen, behave. Oh by the way, is this the first time you have messed around with a married woman? Just asking," I joked.

He stilled and looked deeply into my eyes.

"Actually, to my knowledge, it is. And from now on I will only ever mess with a woman who wears a gold ring on her left hand. So, live with it."

He sighed as his alarm signaled it was time we were leaving, and jumped off me, heading for the door.

"Wait," I called, unpeeling the tamper resistant binding and shaking out a capsule. I swallowed it down with water from the ever present bottles beside the bed, and followed him out.

"Okay, explain," he said as he pulled the car out of the driveway onto the street. "Why would Rose be seeing a fertility specialist when she and Emmett have only be fooling around with a purpose for a few months? It takes an average healthy couple up to a year to conceive, if they have no problems at all. So why is she assuming something is wrong already?"

"What did she tell you?" I hedged.

"Just that they are eager to marry and as she has one condition to fulfil before she can do that, she wants to begin investigations right away. Just in case. I mean, it's just silly and waste of resources. Why tie up some specialist appointment that a woman who knows she has issues with her fertility could have instead?"

"I just need to call Rose," I replied.

She answered on the first ring, so it was obvious she had been expecting my call.

"You can go with full disclosure. I've told Emmett."

"How did he react?" I asked,concerned. Emmett is a great guy and I love him dearly but he has a certain fixed attitude about some things, and abortion was one of them. He'd said more than once that the only acceptable reason to do that was to save the mother's life.

He lived in a black and white world and this was such a grey area.

It was easy to have an opinion one way or the other but until it was you in the situation, you really do not know how you would choose.

Rose had never been a fan herself, but it had not been her fault the way things had gone down and ended with her being in that clinic.

"He was disappointed in me. He said he would have been more than happy to accept the child and raise it as his own, but I could not have done that."

"I understand," I replied.

"What was I meant to do? Raise a child I would never love? Kids should be raised by parents who love them unconditionally and never be dismissed as collateral damage. I could never have loved that child."

"I get it, Rose," I replied testily. She could not think that I, collateral damage from my own parents marriage, didn't understand. Having a mother who really had zero interest in you hurt every single day of one's life.

At least I had not had to live in the same house as the woman who looked on me as simply a regrettable mistake. Despite her financial windfall, I knew without any doubt if Renee could turn back time, she would have prevented my conception.

"And the other so called option? Giving the kid up for adoption? How could I do that in good conscience? Imagine some poor couple, unable to have their own child, thinking they'd hit the jackpot when they were handed that...spawn of the devil. What if he grew up just like his Daddy? No, I had no choice. I'm quite sure I will pay for my 'sin' but so be it. I did the right thing...the only thing."

"I know," I sighed. "I'll tell him."

We were running late as it was so I managed to get edward to agree that, as this conversation would take some time, that we could delay it until lunchtime.

I pondered all through class about how to explain. How to make him see Rose had been unfairly put in a position she would never have put herself in if she had any control of the situation. She never took chances; never ever.

No matter how hot and desirable the guy, if he didn't wear a glove, then he didn't get to sample her goods. Blanket rule.

Deep down I knew what I was really worried about was Edward seeing the truth. That I had put Rose in that hellish position and the abortion was all my fault. If I'd obeyed orders,none of this would have been necessary.

He waved and smiled when he saw me walking towards him from the opposite direction as we converged at the cafe.

"The usual?" he asked, refusing the offered menu.

"Maybe just something light for me," I replied. "Just a soda and an apple."

I had no appetite but there was no way Edward would sit by and let me consume absolutely nothing.

He sat there waiting,reaching out to take my hand in his as the waitress fetched our orders.

"You look stressed. Relax. I have an idea about what you are going to tell me. I do know the most common reason for a woman Rose's age to be concerned prematurely about her fertility. I am an almost doctor, Bella."

His lunch was placed before him and he took my bottle of pop and opened it, handing it back to me. No lecture about the single piece of fruit on my plate, either.

"She got pregnant. The night before you showed up in the dungeon. She sacrificed herself to Aro so he wouldn't take me."

Edward pushed his plate aside and frowned.

"Aro intended taking you to his bedroom the night before?"

"Rose saved me. I didn't ask her to. She just figured she would be better able to withstand the abuse... and she jumped in and insisted he wasn't being fair, 'inviting' me to his room when he had never asked her. She was so proud of having avoided his clutches until that point... It was all my fault."

"And after Emmett and I left...you were with her at the clinic that time I called and you said something about being supportive to a friend who was doing something you wished she never had to do."

I nodded.

"And then she had those infections later."

"She did?" I asked him in surprise. "I knew she was ill the once. With a fever. And Esme and Emmett looked after her."

"She was ill several times. Carlisle was treating her for some recurring infection. I kind of assumed it was a sexually transmitted disease, actually, so I more or less pretended it wasn't happening. There but for the grace of God go I, I figured."

"So it may have done something bad to her? Made her unable to conceive?" I asked in horror.

"There's no point jumping to conclusions. She's seeing one of the best experts in the world. I can't imagine how Carlisle managed to get her an appointment this fast, actually."

"So, we are taking Rose to find out if what I brought about has cost her the ability to have a baby," I wailed.

xxxx

Emmett came with us of course, and although it was probably better that the we all knew the truth, it was still so hard.

Conversation was sparse.

Sometimes I sat shotgun with Edward driving,other times Rose and I shared the back seat and left the men to take turns.

Edward found us a nice place to stay while Rose was admitted into the clinic attached to the specialist rooms, so they could put her through a battery of tests that seemed to take hours.

Then we played tourists and spent a few days sightseeing while we waited for the results.

Emmett insisted on going in with her, while Edward and I sat in the waiting area.

We knew at a glance it was bad news, when they reappeared but nobody spoke until we were back in the hotel.

"Tell me," I pleaded.

Rose looked away, and tried not to cry.

"Rose will never conceive naturally, and even IVF is not an option, because her uterus was damaged by the infections. It would probably rupture if she did try and carry a baby," Emmett stated.

Edward took the written reports from his brother and read them.

"So, the only solution is a test tube baby carried by a surrogate. They could retrieve Rose's eggs and fertilize them with your sperm. It will still be genetically your child together, we just need to rent a womb."

"I want to do it," I said, surprising even myself. "I want to carry Rose's baby. I owe her that much."

Edward frowned, instantly, and shook his head.

"Bella, there are women out there who do this for a living. You have no idea what is involved. There are drugs that can have far reaching consequences to your health. There's the risk something could go wrong and cost you your ability to have babies of your own afterwards. You can't promise to do this without finding out everything that could go wrong."

"I still want to do it," I replied.

.


	19. Chapter 19

**Yes, there was a time jump. No there is no missing chapter, the previous chapter just failed to stay put so I uploaded it a second time. This is the second half of the last chapter. Please note, if you ask me questions when you are signed in as 'guest' I cannot answer you. Cheers.**

It's Murder Sequel

Chapter 6

EPOV

The week before we reached our six month anniversary of our reunion, I knew we both wanted to step things up a notch and really make love. It had been long enough to both be sure this was forever, so why wait?

It wasn't as if we hadn't done it many many times before, and the memories were driving us nuts.

"God, I really want you to...I mean, what you just did was great, Edward, but I can't stop remembering that time you held me against the wall and secured me there by..."

"You mean, the time I 'nailed' you," I had laughed.

Sometimes in our sleep we'd start doing things without conscious thought and wake up when I was trying to enter inside her.

We'd gaze into one another's eyes and sigh, because if we actually completed the entire act in our sleep, neither of us could hardly be held responsible, right?

God, we were missing this so badly. It was so tempting to just relax the rules and make proper love.

Something still held me back and in the early hours as I lay there watching her sleep in my arms, I finally knew what it was.

I wasn't sure how she would react when I explained it to her but on that memorial day , I hit her with it.

She had baked us a 'happy six month anniversary' cake, and I'd bought flowers that were displayed in vases all around our bedroom.

I'd booked a restaurant for dinner for two that night, and she'd been shopping alone in a lingerie shop, and had hidden the bag of goodies she'd purchased somewhere in this room.

I put candles all around the bed, unable to count on the moon to send her beams in through the windows and create the perfect ambience.

Then I started feeling nervous.

There was no earthly reason to think she would turn me down but with Bella, you cannot just assume anything.

Dinner went well though I can't tell you what we ate. All I could think about was the night to come.

At first Bella just assumed it was just another romantic date but by the time she was merrily slurping down her chocolate mousse, she noticed I was sweating.

Just normal sweat, not blood like I imagined.

"Edward? Are you okay? What's happened?" she asked, putting her spoon down.

"We need to go home," I stuttered out nervously.

"Is anything wrong?" she questioned, alarmed now.

"No, no, nothing's wrong. We need to talk."

I wished I could have bitten my tongue and taken those words straight back when I saw the fear on her face.

"It's okay. It's a good thing. A really good thing," I assured her nervously. I have no idea why I was so uptight, because we were back and better than ever before and this was just a natural progression. She would agree.

Bella took the car keys from my hand and insisted she would drive so while she parked the car, I ran upstairs and lit every scented candle, then opened the little blue box I'd kept hidden, just to double check the ring was still there inside.

It was.

I heard Bella speaking to Siobhan, whom I had ignored and rushed right past, and I hoped she would not delay my Love from coming upstairs.

Bella opened the door and looked surprised at the candlelight, then she got it.

I mean, I was on my bended knee , with the ring box open, held up like an offering to the Gods, I guess it was instantly obvious.

She smiled and walked to my side and I pulled her hand so she'd sit on the bed.

"Isabella Marie Swan, you have made my life worthwhile. You have changed me from a man I look back at with shame and disgust, and I am a better man today because you gave me a chance to grow up and live an honourable life.

Would you do me the extraordinary honour of agreeing to become my wife?"

There, it was said.

Bella sank to the floor beside me and pulled me into her arms.

"There is nothing in the world that I want more. I would love to be your wife. I'm already your soul mate; your girlfriend, your lover..."

She grinned at that last one.

"Is this what you have been waiting for?" she asked. "Is this why we haven't made love again? Is tonight the night?"

I could hear the hope and excitement in her voice.

"Actually, I want us to wait until we are married."

Her face dropped a little then she laughed.

"Seriously? Then is there a preacher hiding in our closet?"

"No, but the paperwork is in place and Laurent and Siobhan are free this weekend, to be our witnesses. I know we should wait and let the family.."

"No, Edward. This is our time. This is just for us. They will understand."

"Then you will marry me on Sunday morning at the Registry Office?" I replied happily.

Usually it was closed on Sundays and the waiting list had meant it would be weeks before our turn came, so I had greased a few palms.

"Of course. I don't need anyone else there but you."

I sat back so I could see her face and I pushed the little blue box into her hand.

She looked confused, holding up her hand so I was reminded of the ring she already wore.

"Open it. I had this made to sit beside that ring. That one had a meaning, but this one is a traditional engagement ring with a traditional meaning. We need them both."

I took the curved, shiny diamond studded gold band and removed her first ring, and placed it on her finger, then put the other back as well.

She didn't yet know it, but the wedding ring in my bedside table drawer was also custom made to sit above these two rings.

"It's beautiful. I love it. I love how they meld together like one ring," she said in awe.

"Like we meld together into one person," I murmured, kissing her hand.

Somehow, despite how much we both wanted to celebrate that love properly, we managed yet again to refrain.

At one point Bella leapt from the bed and stood against the wall, letting it hold her up as she gasped in air trying to calm down, having barely managed to stop at petting, and once I myself had to move away before her delicious aroma messed with my head and took away all control.

"Soon, soon," I whispered as we got into our usual sleeping position, with me spooning my body around hers. "It will be so worth waiting. Once upon a time making love was reserved for married couples, and that's the way I want it to be for us. I want a plain gold band on that finger the next time I enter your body."

xxxx

Sunday morning saw me waking up alone in a cold, inhospitable bed, but Siobhan had insisted if we were holding out consummation until after the ceremony, then we would be doing the whole nine yards traditionally.

Bella slept on the downstairs sofa, and I managed to get down there before she awoke, so I was the first person she saw when she opened her eyes.

"Edward," she sighed sleepily, opening the quilt that covered her and letting me inside the covers.

I held her tightly but chastely, and kissed her a thousand times before we detected the sound of Laird stirring, and I had to sneakily bolt back to the staircase.

I was halfway up when I heard Siobhan murmuring about "Today is the day. I'll take Edward's coffee up to him, he must not see you until the actual ceremony."

She gasped out loud at the attic conversion.

"You two are probably going back to Forks once this school year ends, right? You have to do your residency thing in that hospital?"

"I do," I agreed.

"So, I am putting my name down to rent this room as soon as you leave."

"No problem. I hope you and Laurent will love living up here as much as we do."

She insisted on bringing my breakfast to me on a tray, and I ate hungrily. For me, the nerves were gone.

Asking; putting myself out there, on the line; letting Bella decide if I was trustworthy again, had been the hard part.

Today was just the icing on the cake.

I showered and dressed, having decided against shaving because Bella liked my stubble so much, and she would be a little disappointed if she didn't get to feel it against her thighs tonight...

I breathed in deeply, thrusting the window open so the cool air could calm me down.

Tonight.

Tonight would be the best night of my existence because I would be making love to my _wife._

I would be a married man.

One who fully intended to keep his vow to love only her, now and forever, and keep myself for her alone.

"So, don't you feel cheated? No bachelor party?" Laurent asked as he handed over my new suit.

"Until Bella let me into her bed, my whole life was a bachelor party," I replied. "I shall not miss those days one bit. She showed me how much better life could be, and in a way, it was good I got to that point first, of knowing exactly what I wanted before I managed to sell the idea to her.

I needed to spend those months longing for her to love me...they were a test. To see if I'd just give up and stop trying, or if she truly was the only girl I would ever want in my arms ever again.

They say old habits die hard. I would have hated myself if she'd been willing more quickly, and I'd had any doubts that monogamy was my dearest wish.

I'm glad I had that period of time to truly get to know myself."

"Married life is actually pretty sweet," Laurent admitted as he preened himself in the mirror.

"And you have been married a whole week so I should listen to you," I joked.

"Sometimes a week can change a man forever. I always adored Siobhan but while Luke was living here, she never gave me a second thought.

His leaving was my salvation.

I've never been so happy to find out one of my friends was a complete coward who snuck off in the middle of the night with his bit on the side. I knew he would never ever be faithful to Lucy. He doesn't have it in him. There will always be just one more girl he needs to be with..."

"Have you heard from either of them?" I asked.

"Sure. Lucy emailed me. Sadly I was right. He lasted a whole three months before she caught him with her cousin.

She's left him and is living back with her Mom. Completely predictable ending to that marriage. Relationships begun in deception so rarely work."

"Well, they do say when a man marries his mistress he creates a job vacancy."

"So true. It amazes me that a woman would cheat with a man who is taken, then be surprised when she is in turn cheated on by him. I mean, the clues were there."

We finished dressing and he checked that everything about my outfit was perfectly in place.

We arrived at the Registry Office first and he tugged at his tie nervously when the girls were running late.

"Hey, you should be the nervous one," he said ruefully.

"I trust my Bella completely," I replied, standing up as the outer door slammed shut, and peering over the internal balcony.

Bella looked like an angel.

She floated up the stairs towards us and Laurent pulled me away, inside the room, to stand and wait.

Siobhan was juggling the baby and her bag and our wedding rings in matching blue boxes, and Laurent smiled and stepped forward to help her.

I put my hands out and took Bella's, and kissed her gently, then placed my forehead against hers.

"Ready?"

"So ready," she replied.

The woman officiating cleared her throat and we all got into position, and I didn't refer to my handwritten notes once as I said my vows that I'd been writing for months now.

Bella cried at my words and could barely speak out loud as she said her own vows in reply, and all in all, it was perfect.

Siobhan helped Laird hand over our rings and I slid my final symbol of unity onto the hand of the only woman I have ever truly loved.

She shakily placed my ring on my finger and that was it.

Mr and Mrs Edward and Isabella Cullen, for eternity.

xxxxx

I'm so glad we had some uncomplicated nights of pure bliss before real life stepped in and pulled us from our bubble.

Finding out Rose and Emmett would need a third person to make their dreams of making a family come true was a blow, but nothing money could not overcome.

Some women chose to carry babies for women like Rose.

I didn't judge them at all. What better gift could anyone give a couple than to hand them their own genetic child, when all hope of them achieving that themselves was gone? I was mentally compiling a list in my head of where to begin the search for this selfless creature when Bella spoke.

"_I want to do it. I want to carry Rose's baby. I owe her that much."_

I should have seen that coming.

While Bella and I have moved past that blasphemy of a time, she still feels she owes Rose something for what that woman endured for her.

I immediately started arguing, but I could see Bella was absolutely determined, and confronting her head on would never achieve my intended purpose of making her slow down; consider the possible repercussions, and ponder an alternate option.

"Obviously you two need to talk, so go somewhere and do that. We'll get a cab back to the hotel. This is some pretty heavy stuff, but thanks, Bella. I love you, and this offer just makes me love you even more," my brother said, taking my wife into his own arms. "Don't worry if you change your mind. Like Edward said, there are women out there who would do this for us. For a fee."

Bella nodded and I took her hand.

"We will leave you two to finish up here and see you tonight at dinner."

I glanced over at Bella as I drove. She was smiling to herself, then frowning, and looking up at me.

I pulled in at Golden Gate Park and we walked in silence for a while, until we found a bench to sit on.

"May I speak first? You know I have this massive debt to repay to Rose, and I always assumed there would never be anything big enough to do that. I want to level up the scales, and be as good a friend to her as she has been to me. How do you thank someone for voluntarily taking my place with that man? And then, the result.

It was so unfair.

She got punished for her good deed.

There was nothing I could do for her then, but now...

Now, Edward, I could make things right again. I want to do this. I think I need to do this or I'll never be free of the knowledge of how much Rose paid for my mistake."

"I understand, truly I do," I replied, taking her hands. "Bella, I get it. This does seem like what would probably be the only way you truly could make up everything to Rose. I agree. But naturally I'm worried. Maybe it's selfish of me, but I'm currently neck deep in books on obstetrics and all I've read about how common it is for disasters during pregnancy and childbirth occur...

I don't want you to ever be at risk again. I need you."

"And I need to do this. So, I guess we compromise."

"Bella, I'm not seeing a possibility here for us to compromise. You either carry their baby or you don't. You do have the money I put into your account for your half of the loft apartment; so if you want to foot the bill, you could afford it. Or you could be involved by helping to find someone to do this for them."

"I want to do this myself or it would not be me making a personal sacrifice like Rose did for me. But as you are worried about that pregnancy taking away my chance to have our baby, think about this. Why don't I have our baby first?"

I considered it.

It was a reasonable compromise.

"Okay. But first we look into all the possible complications of the procedures you will go through to be their surrogate, and you have to agree if things look too risky, you promise to be reasonable and maybe not go ahead."

"Fine," she replied. "I promised to never again do anything reckless. I will keep my promise. If it looks too potentially dangerous, I will use that money to pay someone else. But you have to agree to support me if I choose to go ahead."

"It's a deal," I agreed. That had been easy. I wouldn't admit I would be researching the fuck out of surrogacy and it's pitfalls and potential dangers, but that was just me.

And Bella had just agreed to have our baby first.

"So, when do we begin making our own child?" I asked casually.

"It is still our honeymoon," she replied with a grin. "There's nothing quite like a honeymoon baby to celebrate a marriage."

xxxx

Rose and Emmett looked worried when we got home, but Bella and I explained what we had agreed and they both backed our decision completely, without hesitating.

Rose wanted a little time to assimilate if she could handle watching somebody else carry her and Emmett's child, and anyway, after all the tests she'd just endured, she needed a break before starting drugs and injections to prepare her body to undergo egg collections.

And I could see she wanted the security of us having our own child first, just in case.

"There's little point Bella having our baby if it ends her own chances of motherhood, then I'd be all shattered for letting her put herself in that position, and the two of us would go on and on forever, trying to repair the damages we had done one another," she pointed out.


	20. Chapter 20

**Sorry for delay, shit week at work. Anyone notice I mentioned my fav singer, Chrissy Amphlett in this story, and she died in NY this week? Only 53. Best rock artist to interview bar none. Genuinely lovely person. R.I.P. **

**Breastcare Australia is going to use "I touch myself" as the new song in ads for self examination for early breast cancer detection , it was Chrissy's deathbed wish. I think they are tweaking it to "When I think about life, I touch myself'**

It's Murder

Chapter 7

It's Murder Sequel

Chapter 7

EPOV

The first thing that needed to be done was the removal of Bella's contraceptive implant. That went to plan, then it was just a case of counting the days and figuring out when she ovulated.

We were both quite confident this conception would happen in the near future and I was optimistic that all would progress as hoped.

Our pregnancy didn't worry me, it was the surrogacy that would follow that caused me concern.

Somehow the idea of Bella undergoing hormone therapy to synchronize her cycle with Rose's, as would be necessary, bothered the Hell out of me.

I knew the drug regime carried risks, and while they may have been acceptable risks to get a couple the only chance to have their own baby, to take those same risks as a gestational surrogate was another thing.

If she went through with this, afterwards Bella would need yearly checks for several conditions, including cancer, for the rest of her life.

The only other way we could do this, traditional surrougacy, was for Bella to be inseminated with Emmett's sperm but while that would be infinitely safer for her, it meant the child would not be Rose's biological offspring, but the issue of my brother and my wife.

I harboured doubts that Emmett and Rose would agree to this, and anyway, it would create a far more difficult sacrifice when Bella had to hand them her own flesh and blood. How would she feel giving away her own baby, no matter how resolved to do just that she was during the pregnancy? How would we feel watching Emmett and Bella's offspring playing along side our child, knowing they were half siblings?

And Rose still would not have a genetic child.

My wife and I talked about it until early morning, unable to sleep until we had it resolved.

"It has to be one hundred percent _their own _baby, and I have to just be the incubator," Bella concluded by the time dawn broke.

It was really important to make sure she knew exactly what she was agreeing to, so I researched fertility clinics and sought recommendations. Carlisle was extremely helpful though dubious that Bella should do this, so it wasn't just me.

He suggested we seek psychological help early, before considering proceeding, just to ensure we could both cope with what any type of surrogacy entailed.

We were choosing the harder option and it's the path would be riddled with points to consider.

The main concern other than the physical risks, according to the available literature, was the surrogate could become so attached to the fetus during pregnancy that surrendering it could leave her with a form of post natal depression/ post traumatic stress syndrome.

Of course this concerned me.

Hopefully the fact that we would have our own child already would maybe mean this may not occur and as Bella pointed out, if it did affect her, then I would just have to knock her up yet again, so she could have another baby coming that she could keep.

Three pregnancies back to back?

It seemed like a lot to expect from her tiny, slim body.

Another concern was the size we might expect my older brother's infant to be.

He was hardly going to father a six pounder and I worried about Bella being able to carry even our own baby to term, considering my height versus hers.

I prayed every time we made love for a tiny little daughter who took after her mother physically, and didn't cause any medical traumas. Surely the first baby would be kind and stay small enough for Bella to not become too uncomfortable.

Although I worried, I managed to keep it inside my own head because Bella was extremely eager to conceive and could only see the upside of us becoming three.

I managed to hide my panic when she said out loud that she wanted a big, tall,healthy son who took after me.

_Or a tiny little petite daughter, that would be even better _I silently added, in case the universe was listening.

Naturally I had insisted on a full medical physical examination and blood tests being done on us both prior to unprotected sex and I admit, I did sweat until everything came back clear.

How I managed to avoid ever picking up even the slightest infection amazes me and all I can say is, I am so very lucky.

It goes without saying that I'd never taken any chances but so what? Condoms are just a thin layer between you and the unknown person whose sexual history you can only guess at, and of course, I assume those girls I used probably did these random sex one night stands often.

With God knows how many random men, who in turn had been with however many other randoms themselves.

Clearly I had been insane.

Bella may think she was just as reckless but she actually dated her 'sex providers' for weeks before sleeping with them and only after full testing had occurred.

If only...

There are so many things to regret but even if I can't turn back time and wait for Bella to be my one and only, I still fervently wish I'd stuck to relationships. I wish I had kept myself safer.

Once I informed Carlisle we had been cleared healthwise, he awaited the results of the psychological testing.

We were required to attend the first visit together, to explain what we intended doing, and how we both saw this as a labour of love and a way to give my brother and her best friend the child they desperately wanted.

Then it was time for separate visits, so we could each speak openly and say whatever doubts we may harbour.

Bella's visit was quite short and she emerged more confident than ever that this was the right thing to do.

My session was a little more complex.

"You do realise your support will be crucial. Your wife will be under enormous stress during that pregnancy, and as you intend having your own child beforehand, it will also be even more physically demanding than if you did the surrougacy first."

"I will not consider doing the surrougacy first," I insisted firmly. "I get that it would be good to do it and get it out of the way so we could then go on and have our own family, but something tells me it's too risky. If something went wrong and Bella couldn't have any further pregnancies, she would feel even guiltier than she does now, only towards me. She would never forgive herself for taking away my chance to see her blossom and bloom with our baby inside her."

"That's reasonable," the quack agreed. "On another subject, Bella has disclosed her history to me and we have discussed why she chose the type of relationships she did, and I think it would be useful for you to tell me your own story."

"What has this to do with surrougacy again?" I questioned.

"Dr Cullen, it's important to be sure for both your states of mental health that there is no underlying issues that could emerge once the surrogacy is underway. Just think of it as clearing out the cobwebs before preparing the baby's nursery."

I didn't really understand his reasoning but Bella already knew everything I had ever done, though no names or numbers had been mentioned, and shamefully, I didn't know either fully myself. There was no reason not to tell him everything.

After I lay back and closed my eyes, I related the shameful story of my sex life prior to being with Bella, and he listened without interrupting.

I waited for his judgement when I finished, and opened my eyes again when it failed to come.

"Why did you shut your eyes, do you think?" he asked.

"Because I am now ashamed of what I did," I answered. How obvious. And he called himself a shrink.

"What are you most ashamed of?"

That was easy.

"For using girls as faceless sex toys, with full knowledge I had no intention of ever so much as becoming their friend, let alone wanting to be in a relationship with any of them. I just took what they offered and said 'thanks, goodbye'. It was shallow and selfish."

"Do you think what you did damaged those girls in any way?"

"Of course," I replied. "If they'd been undamaged in the first place, they wouldn't have been offering sex to any man that asked. Therefore I slept with girls who already had issues and added to them."

"Some girls especially now, consider random sex as merely sport, but you are right. There must have women in the number you used who were using sex in a search for love. Whether they were conscious of the fact or not. Every man who used them damaged them to some degree. Of course, the way you used them makes a difference."

"I made it clear I was not offering them anything more than sex," I assured him, feeling slightly virtuous that at least I had never lied.

"And how did you do that?"

"I only picked up girls at places that everyone knew were hook up joints. I asked them if they wanted some fun and games, usually back at their place. I avoided kissing them mostly, or showing any sort of affection. No post coital cuddling. No suggestion of doing this again sometime. No sleepovers, ever. Afterwards, I left promptly or showed them the door, after calling a cab to take them home."

"So you treated them as inflatable sex dolls," he concluded.

"No, never," I blustered.

"Really? Because what would one do with a sex doll but deflate her and shove her away, out of sight, once she ceased to be of use?"

"But these were flesh and blood girls, not sex toys," I replied weakly.

"Exactly. Humans with feelings and hopes and dreams. Some of them were reaching out, hoping if they gave you what you wanted, that you would give them what they needed. Some affection. The touch of a human who wanted to be with them. Instead you treated them all like prostitutes, only no money changed hands. At least prostitutes go into every 'date' knowing all they can expect is to be paid for letting the man use their bodies."

"Okay, we have established that I was a terrible person," I growled. "I behaved badly. That's all in the past. I didn't intend hurting anyone."

"So, do you think you are agreeing to the surrogacy as a way of cleansing your own sins, just as Bella is? Doing the one grand gesture as a way to rebalance the universe?"

"Maybe," I admitted. "The surrougacy will involve me sacrificing how I want our marriage to be, and instead accepting this is something we need to endure. If it's what it will take for Bella to resolve her guilt, then won't it be worth it?"

"And if the child doesn't survive, or is handicapped? Won't that just add more to Bella's guilt? You are a doctor. Some babies die. Some babies are not perfect. I think you are both only considering the best possible outcome. That the infant will be perfect; that your wife will hand it over all smiles and that you will all then move on with your lives.

What if it doesn't happen that way?

Your brother is a large man. Bella is a tiny woman. Medically speaking, there is a risk here that she will not carry his infant to term. Are you all prepared for the fallout if the baby is born prematurely? The risks he will face, of complications from his early arrival? Or are you just closing your eyes and counting on a happy ever after, not matter how unrealistic that may be?"

"I just want Bella to be happy, and if she needs the surrogacy to achieve that, then that's what we will do."

"So, if that pregnancy fails to produce a healthy baby, what then? Does she try again, as many times as it takes to fulfil your brother's needs? Or is it a one shot only deal?"

"I just assumed we'd only do it the once..."

"But you haven't discussed it? Not every pregnancy ends with a healthy infant. And you have considered that the surrougacy may mean no more babies at all, for anyone, if the pregnancy does not go to plan? You will be happy and satisfied with the one child you will already have, and never resent what Bella did that prevented you having more future siblings for your child?"

I hadn't thought of that.

We'd both more or less agreed once Emmett and Rose's baby was delivered and handed over that we would quickly have a second baby of our own, as a reward more or less. As a cure for the emptiness that pregnancy would leave behind.

"We need to explore this further," I stated, and he nodded.

xxxx

BPOV

I can out of psychotherapy even more determined that what we planned to do was right, but it had the opposite effect on Edward.

I expected him to overthink everything, as he always had, but even so, what we wanted to do was a good thing, not a moral dilemma.

He decided he wanted to talk again with the shrink, so each Thursday night saw me alone while he tried to rid himself of the demons that haunted him from his past misdeeds. It took the focus off the waiting for the positive pregnancy test, that was one good thing.

I had nothing to do while he was talking his heart out, so I volunteered to babysit Laird. They enjoyed their weekly night of freedom so much that it became a regular thing. Siobhan and Laurent resumed their courtship on those nights while I experienced the reality of life with a child entirely dependant on me to keep him safe and happy and fed on time.

He could sit up and crawl by now, and his personality was developing in leaps and bounds. Already he could say a few words, though who knows if he realized his babbling even had meaning?

It did to us; we clapped him every time what he said resembled a human word, like Momma or Dadda. I guess this is how vocabulary is established. We applauded the sounds that resembled words and ignored the rest of it as babble, so he learned if he wanted a positive response to repeat the sounds we liked.

Of course I encouraged him whenever he said anything resembling my name, and he caught on. Now I was Belbel. He made no effort to say Edward's name but to our surprise, whenever Rose and Emmett came to visit, Laird would look at my brother-in-law and screech out 'Bear' in joy.

Emmett of course, tossed him around in a way nobody else was game too, and the kid loved him for it.

It became a common sight; the bear like man seemingly treating the infant like a ragdoll. I knew Rose was trying to hide her impatience as month after month went by without a positive result. The longer it took to conceive our baby, the longer she had to wait in turn.

They were here almost every weekend, waiting and watching. Laurents old bedroom became their home away from home.

Rose loved it here. She enjoyed getting away from the sympathetic looks and sad smiles from everyone in Forks who knew her inability to have a child, and in a town of that size, it was almost everyone.

No wonder she wanted to escape on weekends.

She spent hours talking to Siobhan, listening over and over again to her tell the story of her pregnancy.

"It sounds so magical. You are one of the lucky ones. Everything turned out for the best for you.

I suppose you and Laurent will have a dozen kids, seeing you managed to conceive from just the one night," Rose said wistfully.

"Sadly it takes more than love to raise a child. We are both students, and even if I get back to college next year, I'm still going to be a year behind. Not that there is much hope we will find affordable childcare within our budget. Laurent does a nightly shift at Riley's bar but the money isn't great. He still has five years to go, before he gets his degree.

I doubt we'd want another child by the time we can afford to, time and money wise."

"But that's just a waste," Rose protested.

"Actually, Rose, seeing what Bella is going to do for you has given me an idea. I could do that, for some other couple. I mean, I'm home with Laird anyway, for the foreseeable future, and it would help with the budget. I loved being pregnant.

It was like I finally had permission to not feel bad about being a larger framed woman.

I used to dismiss the idea as baby selling, but meeting you and Emmett,and knowing Bella, I can see it really is a labour of love. And the fact the child is not related to the surrogate makes it all seem nicer, somehow. I could never give my own child away, but I'm quite sure I could carry someone else's and gladly hand it over if it meant we could get a deposit together and get a mortgage for a house of our own.

I know Edward wouldn't mind how long we stayed here, but I have always wanted a home of my own, that I could decorate and make a garden; all those things you can't do when you live in rented accommodation."

"Well, I guess surrogacy could be your own little cottage industry," Rose replied.

"I had a text book pregnancy and delivery,so there's every reason to expect I could do it again and again. Ask Edward. He thinks I'm an ideal broodmare. These here hips are what's known as child bearing hips. He wouldn't think twice about me carrying a baby for someone built like your Emmett. It's not like I'm skin and bone like some people around here. Let's just say, some of us are blessed with bodies built to carry babies. I may never get to wear a bikini, but I'm sure I could go through enough surrogate pregnancies to repopulate half the town where you come from."

Of course it gave Edward ideas.

"Bella, just think about it. Our babies could be the same age, if Siobhan carried for Rose. You could still have their second baby, if they wanted one in the future. Just think about it. She and Laurent are dreaming if they think they can ever afford their own place. The upkeep and rates, and everything else on top of the mortgage would keep them broke.

But if we gifted them this house in return for Siobhan helping Emmett and Rose to have a family, everyone's future would be brighter.

They could keep renting out rooms to students, so have an income from that, and she could decorate the place over and over to her hearts content, and have her gardens. There's plenty of room out the back for a full sized vegetable garden and a small orchard, in fact.

Their lives would be so much easier, and Laird would benefit. Maybe they'd even have a sibling for him, if they could afford to do that in the not so distant future. It could be considered a selfless act on your part, to stand back and let Siobhan do this."

Fuck me, the man could sell ice to eskimos.

I went to bed feeling guilty for even wanting to do the surrogacy myself and thus denying Laird any siblings, and preventing my newer friends from owning a home of their own.

"Fine," I capitulated in the early dawn, having barely slept. "Put it to everyone and let's vote. That's the way things are done in this house. If more people want Siobhan to do it, then I won't put up any objections."

xxxx

Naturally Siobhan and I were told to leave the room once Edward explained what he had come up with. The only voters would be Emmett, Rose, Laurent, and Edward.

Siobhan had jumped on board, declaring the idea brilliant.

I'd looked at Rose to gauge her reaction, and I saw her look at me and look at Siobhan and I could read her mind. She was thinking their baby had a much better chance of being carried to term inside my competitor.

Laurent dearly wanted a way for his family to have their own home, so no need to waste time guessing how he would vote.

Emmett probably didn't care either way, so long as he got to become a father.

And Edward would do anything to protect me and save me from myself.

I knew what the result was before they called us back inside.

Rose was standing there nervously, and she stepped forward and put her arms around me.

"Please don't think this in any way belittles your wonderful offer, but it just came down to safety for both the surrogate and the baby, and the time factor, and the fact Siobhan and Laurent need the money and you don't."

"I didn't expect you to pay me," I mumbled.

"Hey Bellarina, this way our kids can grow up together. Now the pressure is off, I bet my brother will knock you up tonight. It's all for the best. We love you, and we love that you offered, but this is the best answer. Rosie would have found it hard seeing you get all fat from having my super sized son inside your skinny little belly. Siobhan's done it all before. It's all good, Bella."

I didn't quite see where I had gotten to make my personal sacrifice but it seemed the vote had gone three to one, and I'd lost.

To be honest, I was confused about who had voted for me.

Nobody would say, and Siobhan pointed out it was hardly a secret ballot if I knew, but that just enraged me further.

"Look, I'm giving in gracefully here. I'm not arguing and causing any fuss. I just want to know who voted for me. Is that so much to ask? Was it you, Emmett?"

Who else could it be?

"Nope, Babybells. Not me. My kid needs more room than you can hope to offer. It wasn't me."

"Rose?" I asked.

"No. I liked Edward's solution. It just seemed safer for all and more practical."

"Laurent?"

Why would he vote against the chance to own this house?

"It was Edward," Rose replied.

"Edward?"

I looked at him in shock. He hated the idea of me doing it more than anyone else..

"I know how badly you want to do it. Why would I vote against you?" he said softly, taking my face into his hands and kissing me gently.


	21. Chapter 21

It's Murder Sequel

Chapter 8

BPOV

The day we heard that the first embryo transfer into Siobhan had not taken was the day our own 'insemination' was confirmed as successful.

It might have been awkward announcing our good news but Edward was so ecstatic, I believe nobody even thought twice about the unfortunate timing. He was over the moon and had to show each person the plastic stick I had peed on.

"At least wash it first," I begged as he grabbed it from me and whooped in delight.

Rose and Emmett were truly happy for us, and so were Siobhan and Laurent, of course. I'm not sure that the others even cared but they did a good job of slapping Edward's back and pretending to care.

"Okay,now I need to resign,for real this time," I announced at breakfast. There was no way my darling husband would ever agree to a long distance marriage, with me working in Boston and him at Forks Hospital, so it was a moot point. I didn't care at all. My career had come to mean less and less over the year we'd been here and I'd become so connected to Edward in a whole new way, there was no chance we could consider being apart again.

Anyway, we had a baby to consider now.

"Marcus, hi. Yeah, we are all doing great. Listen, I faxed my resignation in and I'd appreciate you accepting it immediately. Do I really need to work out my notice?"

He didn't seem to care either way but we settled on my career winding up in seven days time. I didn't care about the case any more. There would be dealers dealing drugs for as long as there were customers willing to pay for them.

Nobody in this house was involved in anything more than the occasional purchase, we weren't talking big time criminal activity here. Alex was the house supplier and he had finished his college education now anyway, so Laurent announced the house was now a drug free zone and Jade promptly gave notice that she would not require her bedroom next year when she returned to college after the break. It seemed she preferred to find lodgings in a 'more open minded dwelling, like this place used to be before _she_ moved in and spoiled everything.' She being me.

When you look at it from her point of view, I was definitely a thorn in her side. I'd stopped her honing in on someone she saw as sexy as fuck, but also her meal ticket, if she could get him to the next level.

Even if I hadn't been here, she would never have stood a chance. Jade was definitely in the category of girls Edward had given up seeking out.

If we had not reconciled, I'm sure he would have stayed changed and sought out love rather than sex now.

Packing up to leave was bittersweet. Everything from the loft apartment was already in transit, but we had left all the furniture and so on, just taking our own personal stuff.

I loved our attic bedroom here in this house almost as much as I'd loved the loft, and it had seen us move past our darkest days into this new chapter of our lives, full of joy and hope.

"We can come back and visit," Edward assured me as he closed the final neatly packed suitcase and headed downstairs.

We had to go today in order to be home in time for Charlie's birthday. Esme was holding a dinner party to celebrate, now we were 'all almost family'.

It seemed Edward was right. Once they knew we were seriously involved again, they'd started planning the push to get us down the aisle.

Rose and Emmett were staying for a week, as there were decisions to be made medically speaking.. Siobhan could have a second transfer attempt next month but if it also failed they would do a few tests on her and the pre-embryos before continuing.

The hardest person to leave was Laird. He was like a nephew to me, and I'd miss his cheery morning greeting each dawn.

"And we will miss you getting up and feeding him his early breakfast for us," Siobhan sighed, hugging me tightly. "I guess it will be Laurent's chore now."

"Wow. Fatherhood from the front line," Laurent said, straightening his shoulders and saluting his wife. "I shall do my best to replace the wonderful Bella."

The flight home was uneventful, and fortunately it seemed it was too early for morning sickness, because all I wanted was food, and considering airline food is not that enjoyable, it was a little weird.

Edward looked everything over before I was allowed to begin chowing down and took away any foodstuff even slightly related to the list of foods banned for pregnant women.

I sighed and smiled at him as he consulted his little book about pregnancy when I asked for a cup of normal, everyday tea.

"There is some research that indicates some of the herbal blends may in fact be more nutritious and beneficial..." he began.

"Shut up, Edward. I'm not giving up my tea. I've given up coffee, that's enough."

And all processed meats, and pate and seafood, and pre prepared salads, and soft cheeses and God knows what else. Sushi I was glad to abandon, I never liked it anyway.

Edward insisted on cooking any eggs I wanted, to be sure they were thoroughly cooked, of course.

He held me snuggled up close to him once I had eaten everything allowed, and I slept all the way home.

This meant we forgot entirely that we had not discussed a strategy for breaking the news; both lots of news, to our families.

They were all gathered at the Cullen house; his parents, Alice and Jaz and their babies; Charlie and Sue, and to my shock, Renee and Phil.

"Hey, we can get it over in one performance," Edward whispered as we went inside and surrendered to the hugs and kisses and critical eye of my Mom as she looked me over at arm's length.

"How are you, Renee?" I said sweetly. She was usually always willing to talk about herself.

"He had better intend marrying you," she replied sharply.

"What do you mean, Renee?" Charlie asked, irritated already by her attitude.

"Clearly our daughter is pregnant. He had better marry her," she repeated. "I want my grandchild raised in a proper family."

I think the irony of her demanding this escaped her completely.

"Pregnant?" said Alice and Esme simultaneously, and suddenly I was the center of attention.

"How far along?" "Do you know what it is?" "How wonderful, our kids are going to have a cousin."

Edward stood guard and put a protective arm around me.

"Bella and I would like to confirm, yes, she is pregnant and no, I don't intend marrying her, Renee."

He paused for dramatic effect and I caught Alice's eye as she grinned at the rings on my finger.

"Tell them," Alice squealed.

"Because we are already married and have been for the last five months," I finished.

The sudden silence was deafening.

Carlisle broke it, laughing as he shook Charlie's hand. "Always a pair full of surprises."

"But...but..Edward, we didn't get to hold a wedding," Esme stuttered.

"It was all his idea," I announced, laughing as Edward pinched my backside. "I was all for coming back and doing all the usual arranging of..stuff..myself but he insisted we get hitched in Boston while I was still on my final assignment."

I couldn't be specific about all that 'usual arranging' because I really had very little interest in weddings and had no idea what was involved when it came to specifics. You had to choose the colour of the table napkins and taste a lot of cakes I believe.

"Then we must have a reaffirmation of vows," Esme announced, smiling happily now she'd found a solution.

"Ha, serves you right," Edward whispered in my ear.

"Bella had so many great ideas about just how she wanted our wedding to be, you must just let her choose everything," he stated in revenge.

"I have a better idea. I love that tv show where the groom does all the arranging," I hit back. "I want you to do it."

Alice blanched.

"No, Bella. You don't know what you are saying." One would think I'd left him in charge of running the entire country by her reaction.

"This will not end well," she sighed.

Edward rearranged his face and removed the shocked look with a smirk. That's never good.

"I think that is a very good idea. I should probably add, now that Emmett and Rose have a surrogate, they are getting married as well, so why not make it a double ceremony? Don't worry, ladies, my brother and I will see to everything."

Jasper was just about wetting himself with laughter and Dad and Carlisle were stepping back, holding their hands in front of them, clearly not willing to be involved in this little trainwreck.

"Edward, you do know it would be in very bad taste to have strippers at a wedding, right? You know Emmett is going to suggest it," Alice moaned.

xxxx

EPOV

Before we left Boston, I just had the one loose end to tie up.

James had been in touch, now he had time to think about what he had done. Naturally he now assumed I was ripe to be a never ending source of money to him or else he would reveal I'd paid him to sign the papers that voided all his parental rights.

Like that was a threat.

I couldn't see any judge or lawyer believing the word of a drug dealer over a respectable medical student, who had worked on the side of truth and justice for all those years.

Jay Jenks was my witness that not one penny had changed hands, and in truth, he had no idea I'd given James the 'gift' after the paperwork was signed. I wasn't an idiot. Jay would be in my corner stating James had signed willingly, with no suggestion of reward.

I could just walk away and let him do his worst, but I like things neatly wrapped and tied, so I would call him back. I walked outside, grinning at the 21 unanswered calls he'd made to my phone. He must have heard we were leaving Boston and wanted to get in for a parting gift.

I left Bella buzzing around the house, looking for all her little bits and pieces she'd lost track of in the downstairs rooms and drove to the bar parking lot.

"James? I got your messages. What's up?"

"_I heard you were going home to whatever shitty little backwater you came from. I thought we should take this opportunity to set up a schedule so you could send me birthday gifts and such,once you were gone. No doubt you want Alice's life to stay all nice and comfy with no biological fathers popping up, crying to the judge about how he was tricked into signing his dear little baby...um, baby..kid...away."_

I realised then that he didn't even know the gender of his child. He'd signed the forms without even bothering to read what sex his offspring was.

That proved what a devoted father he was.

"Sure. Sounds like a plan. Actually, I wanted to see you anyway," I replied.

"_You did? Why?"_

"Going away party tonight. We need some party favours. I was hoping you would oblige."

"_You know you have to pay, right? I'm not giving you freebies just because you are always so generous to me with your gifts."_

"Of course I don't expect anything for nothing. I need quite a bit of stuff, actually. One of our roommates in the house wants to buy the place off me and he is still a student so he wants to start up a business of his own. I was hoping you could supply him with a little starter kit of various products, and then be his permanent supplier. Nothing but the best. I want to leave him set up to make his own income so he can make regular payments to me for the house from his profit."

"_How much are we talking?" _

"Whatever you think he needs. I owe him a rather large debt from our card nights, so it's my treat. I was thinking..."

I named the price I was willing to pay for the party treats and Laurent's supposed stash and James agreed to take Laurent on.

Then I called Marcus.

Strictly speaking it should be an active agent making the bust so I offered to hand over to anyone in the area and Marcus assured me his man would arrive within the hour.

It all went to plan, and both James and I were arrested after we completed the deal, only he went off to the lock up to await being charged, and I was driven around the block then released back at my car.

xxxx

"Bella did what?" my brother yelled over the phone,so loudly I needed to move it away from my ear so he didn't damage my hearing.

"She wants you and I to make all the wedding arrangements," I repeated.

"Well shit. Things are going to get wild," he replied.

"No, Emmett. Look at it as our chance to show everyone that we have grown up and we can be as mature and responsible as any adult."

"But there will be some surprises, right?" he whined.

"Nothing outrageous. But we do get to pick the girl's wedding dresses. Think about that. No puffy frilly shit. Just something silky and sexy and white."

"White? Okay. Rose can do white. Do we have to choose their shoes? You know how Rosie is about her shoes. I don't want the responsibility of getting them wrong."

"Alice is taking care of the shoes. That was a bridge too far even for me. No, we just need to get the dresses drawn up and made. I'm picturing Bella's in my head already. I've found a designer willing to collaborate with us so we'll go make our first visit when I'm back next week for Graduation."

"You are doing Grad for real?"

"Emmett, I was doing a real course and I do need to graduate from it. Bella doesn't need to, as she only did the one year of a four year course, and she's done it all before anyway, so I'm hoping she won't insist on coming back. Dad and Mom want to be there, but my hope is that Bella will stay here with Alice and Jasper."

"Yeah, good luck with telling Bella what to do. Okay, I shall go flick through a few magazines and start thinking about Rose's dress."

"Um, you might want to try Bridal Magazines, not your usual publications," I suggested.

"Edward, the girls in those don't wear any clothes at all. Honestly, you have no clue, do you? I've seen some magazines that will be helpful. Don't worry about it. She can't wear red?"

"No, Emmett, it has to be white."

"I guess they can copy my choice in white."

"And don't forget, Mom and Dad will be at the wedding, as well as Jas and Alice's children. Think of the children, Emmett."

xxxx

**havagoodweegend.**


	22. Chapter 22

It's Murder Sequel

Chapter 9

EPOV

The beginning of the pregnancy triggered the worst nightmares I'd ever experienced in my life. Each morning I awoke expecting to find a frail, gaunt, pale faced Bella with bruised eyes and an anorexic body, because that was how she was in my nightmares.

Instead, I woke to see my wife already up, wolfing down the first of her two breakfasts.

She read somewhere the way to avoid morning sickness was to eat early so the moment she opened her eyes, she sprang up from our bed and made for the kitchen, stopping only to use the bathroom on the way.

Then she munched her way through half a box of crackers, a bowl of cereal and whatever fruit was on hand.

I did point out they meant any _one_ of these foodstuffs may help but she decided not to take any chances, and as she had not experienced any nausea, she felt vindicated.

Then I would get up and cook her eggs and toast, neither of which she could get enough of. It was hard work thinking of a new way to prepare something as basic and bland as an egg, and I don't think Bella appreciated the care I took to rotate the recipes. I think she'd have eaten scrambled eggs or an omelette every day and not cared, just as long as the meal was there.

Despite all the food, she hardly gained weight but she did gain enough to keep Carlisle happy.

Our house had been painted all white inside, and had just the bare amount of furniture while my wife shopped around looking for what appealed to her.

Apparently she had to feel some sort of 'bond' with things that entered our house.

We have a bed and a piano, and even a kitchen table and two chairs plus all the white goods so I don't complain. The lack of a lounge suite and television just mean we go to bed early and cuddle, and usually discuss at length what to name the baby should it be a boy.

I know Bella wants a boy, but I'm still hoping for a girl first, just so I have the assurance that we will have a daughter. If we go on to have a whole bunch of kids, I won't mind what gender the rest are, if I have my Kristabelle first.

Bella's not too keen on our daughter's name but that just makes up for the fact I detest her boy's choice.

I have always felt like a bit of a freak being 'Edward' so many years after it ceased to be commonly used by the masses, so I can't help but feel our son will feel even more dismayed if we stick it on him.

"Can we please consider other boy's names?" was my constant plea.

"Edward is a beautiful name and my son will love it," she would reply. He was 'her' son when it came to this matter, and Kristabelle was 'my' daughter when we talked about other girl's names.

"Anyway,you promised. And there are lots of people named Edward."

"Name one. Alive, and under fifty."

"Prince Edward."

"Bella, he's 49 years old and I'm sure he hates his name too."

"Well, as you cannot prove that, you can't use it as a valid reason."

"Gosh, sorry for not going to Buckingham Palace and asking him last time I was in London," I growled.

"How about the baby has the same initials as me? That would do. Then we could name him Ethan or Eamon or even Eeyore. I'd prefer that to Edward."

"Fine, then when your daughter turns up we shall call her Goldilocks,"she replied, straddling my pelvis.

"You are not going to win by distracting me," I warned.

Bella started rocking gently but then she felt me respond to her nearness and she smirked, quickening her pace and grinding against me.

"You will be the death of me," I growled, grabbing her hips and making sure she stayed. Her second favourite trick was working me up then deciding she needing to get the laundry done, so she'd disappear and leave me panting for something more.

"Today's challenge is that you cannot remove my underwear," she stated breathlessly.

"Fine, I can do that," I answered, easing a finger inside the leg hole of her lacy panties and moving the fabric to the other side so I could slip inside her.

She sighed and continued riding me, reaching down to free the fabric covering her most sensitive bundle of nerves as well.

I smirked, and sat up, pulling her into my chest.

Sex as a nightcap was temporarily out the window now that Bella fell asleep the very second we climbed into bed, and she remained asleep all night, never stirring, whereas I woke up every few hours when the nightmares got too bad to cope with.

Some sex at those times would have been comforting, but I didn't want to disturb her. Clearly her body needed food and sleep more than romancing, at this point in time.

We'd barely finished and were looking into one another's eyes to see if that was it, just a 'quickie' or if either wanted more when the sound of our front door opening made the decision for us.

"Edward!" my older brother's voice bellowed.

Bella went to shower and I followed her but made short work of washing myself and getting dressed before Emmett came upstairs to check in the bedroom.

"What's so important?" I asked, walking down the staircase zipping my pants.

"Oh, sorry, bro, didn't mean to interrupt, were you two done?" he asked with a wink. "Had you had enough?"

"Never, but we do take breaks now and then," I answered. "What calamity has befallen us now?"

"She's pregnant. Siobhan. She just got the test results and called."

"Congratulations," I crowed, slapping his back. "That's great. Now these cousins will be quite close in age. Just like we all hoped. She's, what? Nine weeks behind Bella?"

"Yeah, about that," he agreed, but he still looked worried.

"Emmett, what did you do?" I asked, switching on the coffeemaker.

"Well, you know how it failed twice and they wanted to stop and do tests and stuff?"

"Yes," I agreed cautiously, girding my loins. I hoped to God he was not going to tell me he and Siobhan had decided to short circuit the IVF and he'd impregnated her himself and left Rose out of the process.

"I got them to agree to trying one more time and this time, putting in more than one embryo," he spluttered.

"How many, Emmett?" I asked, keeping my voice calm.

'Um, four," he admitted.

"And when will you know how many took?" I inquired.

"Not for some weeks yet. I'm nervous, Edward."

"Not half as nervous as Siobhan, I imagine. Anyway, I thought research concluded there was no advantage to be gained from transferring more than two in any cycle. It still leads to the same success rate."

"But Rosie was so disappointed each time and then Bella..."

"I guess I can understand, Emmett, but I just hope you will not now have to face the decision about whether to reduce or not if all four took. And don't forget, some studies indicate IVF embryos are more likely to split into identical twins than in nature."

"Fuck. You are saying she could be carrying eight babies?" he said in horror.

"Don't freak out. Chances are only one took, so don't buy trouble. Sorry, Bro, it was just too tempting to yank your chain after the dresses you tried to choose for Rose and Bella."

"I didn't see anything wrong with those dresses," he complained, distracted. "They looked great on the models."

"Those girls were named Candy and Lolita, Emmett. The clues were there."

"Well, the dress you ordered Bella was pretty boring," he stated.

"I have a feeling Bella would prefer boring to breakaway stripper clothes," I replied drily. Her dress was beautiful, not boring. She would not thank me if I ordered some fluffy meringue dress so I'd gone with slim fitting and classy in silk.

Emmett was still struggling, trying to find a compromise between what Rose would actually agree to wear, and how he imagined her tripping down the aisle to him in his fantasies.

"I got Rose a pair of wedding panties," he confided.

"Are they...special? Crotchless maybe?" I hazarded.

"Nope. They are normal panties, white , with lace around the legs."

"Well done," I encouraged him. "I'm sure your bride will appreciate them."

"They even have embroidery," he added.

"Emmett, just tell me," I urged, needing this confession to be over.

"They have _It won't spank itself _written across the back," he said excitedly.

"Of course they do," I replied.

"I could get Bella some," he offered.

"No, it's fine, Emmett. Actually, I don't think panties are an option under her dress. It's so slinky and close fitting, a panty line would just spoil the look."

He swallowed.

"Where did you get that dress again?"

I had no problem telling him the designer. He only ever made one offs, so Rose's dress would not be the same anyway.

"So, what's left to organize now? I booked the wedding cars," he said, taking the coffee cup I offered, and sitting down at the table. I served him a plate of eggs and bacon and listened out for Bella.

We had done rather well. I had eased up a tiny bit and allowed him to have his colour choice for the tables. White table clothes with red crockery and black napkins. The flowers would be easy; anything red.

Emmett was searching for a florist who supplied black roses but I was pretty sure no such thing existed.

I'd booked a harpist to play as the girl's walked down the aisle and he had booked the band to play at the reception. I'd warned him about German/techno and threatened his manhood, so I was reasonably sure he would play it safe.

"Cars?" I said as I realized the plural. "I've already booked Bella's transport to the Church."

"Nuh, wait until you see what I got. Bella will love them."

"I think we'll stick to my choice, thanks all the same," I answered, sure Bella would not want to drop into the churchyard via a bungy rope or strapped to a tandem skydiver.

"Your loss," he muttered around his second serving.

"Bella, get down here before Emmett eats everything," I called.

xxxx

BPOV

Rose and I sat outside in the surprisingly warm sun and faced Bree. It seemed like the polite thing to do, to invite her to be our joint bridesmaid, seeing Alice would be our maid of honor.

But on the other hand, after all she had been through, we wanted to give her the chance to refuse before we discussed it with anyone else.

"What would I have to do?" she asked shyly. I had a feeling even before her abduction that she had been a loner and wasn't yet comfortable with all these new friends. She'd bonded well with Esme, but then, everybody did.

And she trusted Carlisle, which was a major thing considering what the men in her life had done to her up until now.

She was still wary of Emmett but then the man was large and loud and outspoken, and had she met him before he fell for Rose, I was sure she would have stayed well away from him.

It did pain me a little that she didn't seem to like Edward.

To think that used to be my goal; to find any female who didn't instantly fall under his spell. Now I had found her and I knew her reservations about him were because of first impressions.

She'd met him as Edward Anthony Masen, millionaire prick and woman abuser. I guess in the traumatic circumstances, it was hard for her to really trust that he'd simply played a necessary role. The real Edward walking in and begging for Aro to do the decent thing, to hand over three women for their own good would never have worked.

"Whatever you want to do. I don't give a crap if you refuse to toss rose petals on the aisle as we walk down it. That's Alice's stupid idea about perfect weddings. You can just walk down before us and stand to one side, or sit down next to Esme in the front pew if you prefer," Rose replied.

"Could I maybe carry Josie in my arms, and hold Tom's hand?"

I glanced at Rose.

Kids in wedding parties was not her thing.

For a start, they were unpredictable and no bride wanted some baby screaming it's lungs out just when you went to kiss your new husband.

And anyway, the old adage, never work with kids or animals ….she wouldn't want the congregation oohing and aahing over how cute Alice's kids were instead of being gobsmacked by the outstanding beauty of the brides.

I was under no illusions that I could possibly look anywhere near as stunning as Rose would, but I've never craved that sort of attention. I'm comfortable in my own skin and anyway, the only eyes that I want to find me perfect already do. He will probably barely notice that Rose is there beside me.

It does still stun me that she had him first and he left her.

He insists it was a mutual decision but Rose has confided in me that she did think they could make a go of things, and she'd been both hurt and surprised when his interest suddenly waned once she had told him she didn't want a family.

If she'd been as keen to have babies back then as she was now, who knows? I would probably have never known Edward Cullen existed.

He'd have settled down and finished his doctor training and taken his wife Rosalie home to Forks and Bella Swan would have probably jumped off a cliff grieving for Riley.

That confuses me too.

How could I have ever imagined I'd loved him enough to want to marry him? The feelings I'd had for him did not begin to compare to how I felt for Edward.

I guess back then I thought what I felt was enough; that was all there was. It had to be enough.

God knows our paths so easily may have never crossed.

It did make me believe in Fate and soul mates and things I never knew existed.

But I'd known Edward for a long time before my thoughts had turned to love. Though thinking back, I remember the small stabs of pain I never acknowledged each time he pulled at the bar or came home to my little apartment after being in some girl's bed. I was always glad he was safe and had come to my sofa for refuge, and not slept over in their beds, but it truly never occurred to me that what I'd felt was the earliest stirrings of jealousy.

Nor had I understood the quick flash in his eyes when I introduced him to my latest beau. What had been wrong with us?

We could have explored this option years earlier had either of us pulled our heads out and smelled the coffee.

"Do I have to wear a really lame dress?" Bree was asking.

"God only knows," Rose answered, raising her eyebrows.

"Hey, the guys don't know we are even asking you so I think there would be no problem letting Alice get you a dress that coordinates with hers. She will be choosing the children's outfits," I stated.

Alice had put her foot down and refused to even consider letting the guys pick out her outfit. We either wanted her in the wedding party and would agree to her making her own clothing arrangements, or she would not be involved at all.

That was her ultimation.

Rose and I had given in immediately and Edward had been pleased to have one less dress to fight with his brother over.

I truly did not want to let my imagination take me to what dress my dear friend Rose would be wearing. Brief images of peekaboo nipple holes and a too short mini skirt that could rip away and reveal...

I shuddered.

Whenever I saw those panties with the crude sayings, I thought of Emmett.

I had no concerns about what Edward would choose. My dress would be classy and stunningly beautiful and better than what I would choose for myself.

"Well, that's settled. Bree will wear something she and Alice agree suits her, and she will take the babies down the aisle with her," Rose said with a smile. "Let's find Alice."

xxxx

EPOV

Emmett's bachelor party was surprisingly restrained. There were lap dancers but to avail oneself of their services necessitated leaving the bar and going into a back room, and Emmett was staying put , merely watching the strippers on stage.

He did have the good sense to realize a quick thrill with a stranger could wipe away his whole life with Rose.

I merely waved my wedding ring around and told the guys I was long past qualifying for a bachelor party myself, so they could all do whatever they wanted but they had to leave us out of it. Of course we got heckled and teased but so what? At our ages,peer pressure was meaningless. If any of these guys wanted to risk their own partnerships by getting a quick thrill with a paid expert, that was their business. I deliberately sat facing the window so I would not even know who went through that door.

Jasper was sticking by Emmett's side and making sure they both stuck to lite beer.

Charlie and Carlisle were both present, so the three of us sat at 'the old people's table' and discussed again whether or not we had managed to cancel every single harebrained idea Emmett had run with for the wedding.

"Where that boy got the idea for having a girl pop out of the wedding cake is beyond me," my Dad said, shaking his head. "They didn't even have a wedding cake mock up, nobody has ever wanted one before."

"That's because most men do not want to start their married life being served divorce papers before the honeymoon," Charlie sighed. "So, Edward. You are taking Bella away on a honeymoon, despite this not being your actual wedding, that we parents were not invited to?"

"I'm really sorry about that, but I'm sure you understand why I did what I did? Once Bella agreed to marry me, there was no way I was sitting back and letting her get cold feet while Alice and Esme buzzed around forcing her to choose floral arrangements and menus. I know her limitations. She wanted to marry me but that was as much as she could cope with. She was never going to change into Wedding Day Barbie, no matter what. It had to be done then and there with the minimum fuss, before she came to her senses," I explained. "But yes, we are going on honeymoon. Better late than never."

"Seems little point, considering," Charlie said dryly.

"Girls want to have a honeymoon to look back on and remember as the glory days, when things get fraught at home, with screaming babies and broken appliances refusing to work, ,and husbands who work too much," Carlisle replied. "They need to remind themselves for those two blissful weeks, all she wanted was to be with her chosen man. That marrying him _was _a good idea."

"I never had one myself," Bella's Dad replied, placing his glass on the table. "No point. Renee had already set the rules. All she wanted was to get that pregnancy over with and get out of town. I've never known how to make it up to Bella. I begged Renee to agree to a bit of a fairy story where she and I were mutually in love and both delighted when our baby arrived, but that woman insisted Bella had to know the truth. I truly do hold her responsible for every disastrous relationship Bella had before she met Edward."

"I don't think Bella bears a grudge any more," I stated. "Once she realised her life could have been a hell of a lot worse... She did a brief stint dealing with abused kids, and I know she's grateful you did your best for her and protected her. Kept her safe all her childhood, . There's many a single father who doesn't bother. She was very glad that you were her Dad and did so much to make her happy. Anyway, once she came to the conclusion she couldn't change her childhood and make it into the ideal one she had wanted, she focused all her attention on making the rest of her life as wonderful as she wanted it to be. I will do everything in my power to make sure she has the life she wants, Charlie."

"Thanks, son," he replied, moving his hand across the table and placing it next to mine so it almost touched. It was possibly as close as Charlie would ever come to giving me a manhug.

The party was getting out of hand around us, and Jasper came over, asking for help.

"Some dickhead spiked Emmett's glass while we were in the bathroom. He's off his face."

We went and led Emmett out the door for some fresh air before taking him home to his bride.

The following day was a bit of a haze and we'd deliberately done the bachelor party two days before the wedding, so heads could recover and no grooms would pass out in church.

Emmett drank a lot of water, and swallowed a few painkillers and generally looked pale.

Luckily the girls were too preoccupied squealing over the outfits Alice 'just happened to have on hand' should Rose and Bella want Tom and Josette in the bridal party, so they were more concerned with having little rehearsals where Tom balanced Rose and Emmett's wedding rings on a little pillow as he walked beside Bree carrying a frilly baby girl.

Alice was openly showing off the dresses she and Bree would wear. They were made in a shiny silk fabric that morphed from deep pink to lilac in turn.

"Shit. We need to change the flowers and the table napkins," I informed my brother.

"You do it," he moaned, holding a cold pack to his head.

I went inside and scrolled through my phone to call for a last minute emergency supply of replacements, and Alice followed me in and snatched it from my hand.

"I have everything you need. You cannot think I'd sit back and let you two screw this up? I have already cancelled the red and black shit. This is a wedding, not a vampire convention. Everything is taken care of."

"Thank you, Alice," I sighed wearily. "I should have just handed over to you from the start."

"That _was_ what Bella and Rose expected you to do," she snapped. "As if they really wanted you two clowns organising the biggest day of their lives. Show me the dresses. I do happen to have two rather perfect replacements, should we need them."

"Bella's dress is perfect," I assured her. "And you will be stunned by the one Emmett chose. It's lovely."

xxxx

I left my Mother fussing around her eldest son on the morning of the Big Day. Something in my gut was warning me I'd missed one major arrangement, though I had no idea what.

"I'm ready; I'll meet you at the church."

The thought it would be bad luck to see my bride before the wedding was moot, seeing we were married. I stood outside the house and waited for the girls to appear.

Right on time, the open horse drawn carriage I'd booked arrived on the doorstep.

The girls stepped outside and I was stunned yet again at their beauty. Of course I was prejudiced and thought Bella outshone Rose by a large margin, but, I had to admit, Emmett's bride looked amazing as well.

Both wore the silky slim fitting gowns we'd had made, so Alice had not managed to talk them into her white lace creations.

Rose turned to Bella, and fell into her arms, crying. I was close enough to hear them both.

"My God, I can't believe Emmett agreed to anything so romantic," Rose was saying in awe. "You can bet he is going to get one heck of a wedding night tonight after all this. Everything is so wonderful I almost expected a bikie gang to be waiting to take me on the back of a Harley."

I grabbed my phone and called the driver.

"Take them the scenic route, please. I need to beat them back to the church."

He waved a hand in my direction and I headed for where my car stood undercover in the forest.

"Hey, is this the road to the Cullen house? I got so totally lost, I must be late," a voice called above the roar of an oversized engine. A similar vehicle behind it growled as the engine revved.

"Um, sorry. There's been a change of plan. We don't need you anymore. Let me pay you for your time," I said, reaching for my wallet and handing the driver enough cash to make him whistle and forgive his dismissal.

He used his cell to inform the other driver it was a bust, and both roared away back where they'd come from and I headed for the church.

Emmett was waiting with a shit eating grin on his face.

"Really, Emmett?" I scolded. "Monster Trucks?"


	23. Chapter 23

It's Murder Sequel

Chapter 10

EPOV

"It's twins. Just two. They can't tell for sure whether they are identical, from the one embryo, or if two took," Rose stated, smiling at her husband.

"Oh thank the Lord," Emmett replied.

So far the joint honeymoon was going well. There are two houses on the island, so my brother and Rose had the main house by the lagoon, and Bella and I were in the lighthouse that Dad converted into guest quarters years ago. Once we became teenagers, he let us three boys stay in it while he and Mom had the house, on family vacations.

The top floor was a magnificent bedroom with views of the ocean and entire island, seeing the glass went around the whole 360 degrees. This room had always been out of bounds until now; the adult bedroom.

One floor down the spiral staircase was the bathroom, then the bunkroom, then the eat in kitchen, and the living area was on the ground floor.

Bella, of course, was more enamoured with the lighthouse than with the million dollar house . Nobody could ever suspect my wealth had anything to do with me winning her over. She was as happy sharing a tent or a tiny one roomed apartment as she was in our new house.

Half the rooms were still unfurnished. She said she felt intimidated owning such a large home and wasn't ready to spread out and claim them all yet.

I'd wracked my brains trying to think of a suitable wedding gift for her, but it had not been easy. The obvious new fancy car would just get me a 'Thank You' before it got left in the garage for years.

She would love an island of our own with a lighthouse like this one but I had a feeling too much too soon would never work in my favour. Better wait until our tenth anniversary.

Expensive jewellery sat in her jewel case, unworn.

She had joked that a diamond pendant necklace left to me by my gran could be used in a pretty mobile to hang over the baby's bassinet as it would sparkle with all the colours of the rainbow, but I didn't think that was quite fitting for a diamond that could possibly buy the entire town of Forks.

Finally, looking at the many photo she had taken of us in her loft apartment and in the attic bedroom, it had hit me.

Have the upstairs windows in our house replaced with stained glass.

It was her favourite thing.

I was looking forward to her reaction when we went home. Carlisle was overseeing the work and assured me daily it was progressing nicely. Mom was apparently suggesting she would not mind some stained glass in their house but it was far too modern, in my opinion. Stained glass would look amazing in our renovated cottage, with it's whitewashed brick walls outside, and it's thatched roof, but I couldn't imagine it suiting their home at all.

Anyway, what was she planning? An entire back wall made of stained glass? There were no normal sized windows.

Rose passed around the phone and I dutifully squinted at the hazy photo of the twins. Two tiny barely discernible dark dots amidst a background of grey snow.

"Twins. I'm glad it's Siobhan and not me then," Bella said, finally completely at ease with the way things had evolved.

She'd promised to always talk over any big decisions with me in future, before telling anyone else, as one of her wedding vows. Time alone would tell if that would be possible for her.

"I need food," she moaned, pulling on my hand so I had to stand up and leave the beach. We had been cooking most meals in the house, and just eating breakfast alone together, so I headed for Esme's gourmet kitchen.

"I need food too," Emmett called out behind us.

Rose instantly whispered a suggestion of something he could munch on and I hurried my bride away before she saw anything she would wish she hadn't.

"Oh great, yet another bathroom break," she complained as I was about to plate her eggs. I was still doing all the cooking, afraid of my nightmares coming true. Every night I saw Bella get paler and more emancipated, starving at the expense of our baby; while in real life she was actually looking amazing.

She'd filled out a bit and her face was all the more pretty for the weight gain. Her hair was gloriously shiny and growing longer and thicker in front of our eyes. I have never seen any woman bloom quite as beautifully. It was like she was the ideal pregnant woman.

"Edward!"

I almost dropped the pan in alarm at the sound of her voice. Oh God no, please do not let her lose this baby. Not now.

I rushed to the bathroom, expecting to see blood and tears and a tiny dead fetus on the floor.

Instead, my wife stood in front of the floor length mirror, her hand over her slightly curving belly.

"It kicked."

"What?" I said, numb with relief.

"It kicked. I felt it kick. Put your hand here."

I gently placed my hand over the tiny bulge and waited.

"There? Did you feel it? isn't it amazing?"

There was no way I was bursting her bubble by saying I hadn't felt a thing. At first, the baby would be too small for the movements to be felt externally, but she could feel them inside herself.

"That's so wonderful," I sighed, getting to my knees to hug her waist and kiss my child through her skin.

"Can you tell if it's a boy or a girl? Doctors can detect all sorts of things that normal people can't, surely. You must have seen a lot of pregnant women."

"Not any others have let me kiss their bellies, though," I replied. "Do you want to know the gender? We can find out when we get home."

"Yes. No. I don't know. On one hand the surprise would be amazing, but on the practical side, we have to buy things for this kid and knowing whether we go with blue or pink would be handy. Do you want to know?"

"No way," I answered. "This is the most amazing experience we will ever share and I want the surprise at the end. I don't even have a preference any more. Whatever we have will be just what I wanted."

It was true. Just those few seconds of thinking she had lost our precious baby had made me realize this little human would always be the most important person in our lives and it's gender did not matter at all. I would have been just as heartbroken to lose a son as a daughter.

I stood and pulled her into my arms.

A shiver passed down her spine.

"What?" I asked, immediately worried.

"Do you ever just think about how incredibly lucky we are? We found one another against the odds, and we both considered marrying other people in the past, and yet, somehow that never happened. Imagine if we were both married when we met. That would have been the very worst thing, Edward. What if we had kids already? Neither of us would ever walk away from a child of our own. So we would never have been able to be together."

"None of that happened. We may not have met nearly as early as I wish, but we met soon enough. That's the important thing," I assured her.

Soon enough.

It was true.

I may wish I could go back and erase our pasts and meet as high school sweethearts, but at least we met before her imagined scenario. How heartbreaking would it have been to meet and fall in love with Bella if I already had a wife and kids? I would have still wanted her, and that could not have happened. There was no way I could ever put what I wanted ahead of my spouse and my children, who never asked to be born.

I knew I would give my life for my family, and if that had meant walking away from the woman I somehow knew I'd recognize anywhere as my One, then that's what I would have had to do.

"Sometimes I worry that we are too happy," Bella said. "That everything is too perfect. Something could come along and fuck us up... I couldn't bear it."

"That will never happen," I whispered, hoping to God I was right.

xxxx

The honeymoon was extended several times, but there's only so much sun and blue skies and soft warm golden sand you can tolerate; only so many midnight skinny dipping sessions that end with making love on the beach; at some point it has to end, because like Bella said, this life was too perfect.

The only negative in our lives at all was my continuing nightmares.

I wished I could hide them from her and so far, I had but last night she woke up and woke me up because I was crying so piteously.

"Stop it, Edward," she had cried out, still shaking me awake. "You can't say things like that to me."

I shook my head and tried to jump back into the present.

"What did I say? I'm so sorry. It was just a dream."

"You said you had to do whatever you had to, to save me. Even if it meant..."

"What?" I asked.

"Letting the baby die," she whispered, holding her hands to her belly. "You have to promise me if it ever came to that decision, that you would save the baby. I wouldn't want to be saved at it's expense."

"It's very unlikely these days that anything like that would ever happen. In most maternal disasters either both mother and baby are saved by modern technology, if it's not some genetic problem or illness in the baby. There would hardly ever be a situation where one life had to be chosen over the other.

Either one of the people involved is hurt or dying already...or else it's a case of something unpredictable happening like the placenta tearing away, and then both mother and child are at equal risk and the cure has the same chance of saving or losing them both."

"Nothing will happen to this baby," she swore. "It can't. We already love it and we have both promised to always be there for it, as long as we both shall live. We will be a family and nothing can change that."

With that promise, she lay back down and was asleep in seconds.

I sat there in the dark and hoped to God I never had to choose, because I would always choose Bella. No matter what the cost to my child, I loved her so much. My life would be meaningless without her in it.

There could be other babies but there would never be another Bella.

xxxx

BPOV

The night trip home was quick but for once I did wish the Cullen's owned a private plane because Emmett and Rose were just embarrassing. If they truly imagined the rest of us did not know what they were doing under that blanket, they were insane. Even in the dim backlit cabin,one cannot ignore a heaving, moaning mass of blanket.

"Mile high club just got two new members," Edward whispered unnecessarily in my ear, like I was too stupid to know that already.

"Someone needs to tell them they can only qualify the once," I hissed back. I swear they were making the whole planeload of passengers feel awkward.

"I'm sure you and I could be a lot more discrete," Edward replied.

He was laying so closely behind me, spooned around my body, that it was entirely possible we could have sex and not do anything to attract attention to ourselves. Anyway, Rose and Emmett had everyone's attention.

I felt Edward pat down the blanket over us, making sure we were completely concealed, then I felt his hand carefully lift up my long skirt and place it over my back. Next I felt that same hand move between my legs. I opened them the minimal amount and he kissed my neck as he slipped his finger inside me.

"We don't have to go all the way, we could just..."I whispered.

I'd forgotten what I was going to say.

I did now understand his insistence that pregnant women were not allowed to wear panties on plane trips. It had sounded rather suspicious but I'd gone along with it in case he was right.

What would I know?

"Shhh, they are being our distraction but we have to keep quiet," he whispered as he slid himself inside me from behind.

"I thought I was being quiet," I whispered back, indignantly.

"Oh no, you weren't," he replied. I turned my face to the side so he could cover my lips with his own as he gently thrust in and out, managing to barely move his body, merely his hips.

Within minutes my body was on fire, and I was pushing back against him, needing more.

His hand snuck around to the front and my favourite finger of his started circling my clit.

I really didn't want to thrash around but yes, I did want to as well. I tried my best to restrain and stay out of the bubble making love with Edward always put me inside.

I had to stay aware and make sure we didn't...

I felt myself bite down on his lip as I came around him. I could taste his blood in my mouth but he didn't seem to have registered that fact as he grabbed my hips and ground in deeper as I clenched and he climaxed. He held us both still and put his palm against me again so I had something to pulse against, and we lay there still and flushed, until the sensations were done.

"Welcome to the club," Edward whispered.

"I imagine you only managed to get away with that from years of practice," I whispered back.

"Bella, I've never done this on a plane before," he replied, sounding hurt.

It was something he had to get over; me assuming there were no more firsts for him. He'd been with a lot of women and how would I know where he had sex with them?

Sometimes I did feel some resentment and wondered what number I was, but I never asked. I didn't think he could answer anyway.

He was my lucky number seven.

I was his last, that was the important thing, I told myself and tried to pull myself out of the pit I could so easily fall in to.

I understand that he hates the six men before him, but six seems somewhat reasonable at my age,whereas God knows how many women he's been with, really. My only choice had ever been to accept him with his baggage and history or walk away and walking away was far worse than dealing with these occasional wobblies. I didn't need or want him to apologize yet again, but I will always wish things had been different.

I know he's had a hard time accepting his past, and wondering what the hell he was thinking, but facts are facts and I hate them.

"Wow," Edward said suddenly, grabbing my hand and placing it on my abdomen. "I really felt it that time."

"We woke up the baby?" I said in surprise. I'd forgotten our child existed for a few minutes there.

The fetus kicked and settled again.

"Sorry Sweetheart, but I love your mother far too much to leave her alone while you are growing inside her. I will be much more gentle in future."

"Not 'much more', just a tiny bit more," I growled.

I wriggled free of him to go visit the bathroom and Edward followed behind me, smirking as I looked at every passenger, checking to see if anyone was giving us a death glare or look of amusement but all eyes were turned to the bathrooms.

"Yes, Emmett and Rose moved the circus down here," he sighed as he held the door to the second cubicle open and closed it behind me, staying outside himself.

xxxx

EPOV

It was pitch dark when we got home and Bella was asleep in the passenger seat, so I parked and went around to her side and lifted her out into my arms.

Even if she didn't know it, I was still doing the traditional crossing of the threshold, and I didn't put her down again until I was up in our bedroom.

Esme had turned the sheets down, and Bella was only wearing the long soft frock she'd chosen to travel in, so it could pass as a nightgown for one night.

I kissed her forehead and headed for the shower, leaving the rooms dark.

Halfway through, as I leaned my neck back and let the stream of water wash over my throat and chest, the room was suddenly illuminated, and Bella stood at the open doorway but her eyes left me and stared at the multicoloured glass instead.

"You got me more stained glass windows?" she said in awe.

"Happy wedding gift," I replied. "All the upstairs rooms are done, and a few of the downstairs ones as well."

"But I didn't get you anything," she protested.

"Seriously? You gave me an entire different life; one I never expected to be living. You have given me everything already and still you will give me more. A child. Some stupid antique pen or whatever brides buy their grooms these days is meaningless compared to that."

She lifted her dress off over her head and joined me in the shower.

xxxx

To my constant amazement, Bella just continued to bloom. She loved the high she got from the pregnancy hormones and said she wanted a dozen kids just to get a constant dose.

We were all amazed at how much she ate, but one had to presume the little monster inside her got ninety five percent of the calories, because Bella's figure barely altered.

Her rack was larger and fuller and that alone was my reward.

I've never been disappointed with her breast size but I'd be lying if I denied I was enjoying this larger version all the more. My hands could barely leave them alone, but I figured their placement kept her nipples warm throughout the night, so I was really doing her the favour by holding on.

She could fall asleep any time,any place and that led to a lot of jokes from my brother. Naturally Emmett always had something to say.

"What's it like having sex with a sleeping woman? It doesn't put you off that it's just that one step up from necrophilIa?"

That was a step too far and I managed to lay one on him before he realized what was coming.

"Ow, Edward, unfair," he mumbled, cradling the blossoming bruise on his left cheek. I can be fast when I have to be.

Naturally my Mom fussed around him with ice packs and sympathy, and gave me plenty of death glares but what the Hell? How often had I ever managed to bruise him, compared to the black and blue patchwork my body had been at his large hands growing up, when he 'taught me to box'.

Jasper had always played it smart and stayed well out of it, but I had been somewhat delusional, and always dreamed of giving my older bro a black eye.

"Fighting like teenagers, honestly. In a few months time you will both be fathers. I'm ashamed of you, Edward," Mom moaned but I noticed Carlisle was concealing a grin and he took a photo of the bruise with his phone.

Bella was completely unperturbed and merely rolled over on the sunlounger beside the pool and snored a little.

She did not understand sibling rivalry so my belated success in finally hitting my brother would not mean to her what it did to me.

I've always wanted to mark him, just the once and now I had.

Rosalie merely berated him for letting me get the one punch in when he went crying to her, so I felt childishly satisfied.

I snuggled up beside my wife and fell asleep, sleeping the sleep of the victorious.

xxxx

"Edward, we need to talk."

I shook my head to clear it and noticed my breathing was accelerated. Bella was still sleeping soundly. Carlisle helped me up from the lounger and we headed inside.

"These nightmares are rather disturbing. You were freaking out the womenfolk. What's going on?"

I explained my dreams; how I was watching Bella starve and die before my nocturnal eyes, and he shrugged.

"Do you think it's merely because you have never truly cared about any other woman, and now that you have found Bella and made her yours, you greatly fear her being taken away from you?"

"Maybe," I muttered, running my hands through my hair. "I can't find any other reason it's happening. She looks amazing, like she born to be a mother. She hasn't had a single episode of nausea or any aches and pains. She absolutely loves the pregnancy hormones, and as you see, she can sleep anytime, and an atom bomb wouldn't wake her."

"So, she doesn't know about your nightmares?"

"I did wake her up once when I got particularly vocal, but now I ease away from her once she is asleep and just lay there watching her sleep. I haven't had a decent nights sleep since she conceived. I don't understand it. This is what I want. This is all my dreams coming true, even the dreams I'd given up on long ago. This should be the happiest time of my life and by day, it is. Yet night times are turning into Hell. I fear it's a premonition of some type."

"That's illogical. There's absolutely no sign of anything being wrong. She's had more scans than the average woman carrying triplets and everything looks perfect, Edward. I wonder if it's because you don't think you deserve such happiness? You do, you know. Your previous behaviour was no worse than many men your age."

"How can you say that? You and Mom have never been with anyone else. For God's sake, she was _engaged_ to another man when you met and yet she had never slept with him. You are the only man she has ever been with, and she is the only woman you have ever touched. You are both so lucky. I want to turn back time and have things be the same way for Bella and I, and I can't."

"It was never luck, Edward. It was a conscious choice, and one you too could have made. I never had any desire to sleep with my earlier girlfriends because I never felt they were quite right for me. I wanted to save myself for my bride, and I've never regretted it. Knowing she had never lain with any other man just made it that much more special.

You grew up knowing this, as did your brothers, and none of you chose to follow our example. I know your generation thinks they are entitled to do whatever makes them feel good at the time, but there will always be a price to pay, and you are paying it.

Waiting has it's own reward. You threw away the chance to share yourself with only the woman you would someday meet and fall in love with in exchange for a number of 'quick thrills' that were less than meaningful.

Now it's time to pay the piper.

You lost something by your behaviour and there are no second chances.

The privilege of being with Bella alone is gone, and nothing will change it. You need to accept it, accept you behaved badly, and accept yourself as you are now, and move on. Don't let this come between you."

"I would never let it interfere with my marriage. I visited a psychologist for months, as you know. I just want to change the way I lived before, and it's impossible. I know that but God knows, I regret it."

"I'm sure he told you all you can do is accept the things you can't change and just be the best man you can be from this point onwards. That's the only choice left to you. You and Bella met later in life than Esme and I did. I guess in this age of instant gratification, it was unlikely either of you would have kept yourselves for your special person. Sometimes your generation spends less time considering if they'll sleep with some random stranger than girls used to expend on considering if a boy could buy them a drink. You want something, you take it, with no thought to the consequences."

"Sometimes I wonder.."

"What do you wonder, Edward?"

"When she's asleep,and she smiles and writhes around, clearly in the middle of a sex dream, I wonder if it's me she is dreaming of, or one of the others?"

xxxx

Alice had printed out dozens of photos from the wedding, so we had an overflowing album to look through, and the brides both looked amazing. Emmett looked like the cat that got the cream, and I looked truly happy.

I had to adjust my thinking and be grateful for the blessings we did share, because as my nightmares reminded me, it could all be swept away in a single moment. Maybe that was all they meant. Be grateful for what you do have...while you still have it.

xxxxx


	24. Chapter 24

It's Murder Sequel

Chapter 11

EPOV

The timing could not have been worse was my first thought. I was thinking of the effect this tragedy would have on Bella, not even sparing a single thought for the two dead passengers we all knew, or even the other faceless people who died with them.

I was working at the hospital when it happened, shadowing my father, and his cell rang.

Mom never called him unless it was really urgent, so he handed the patient in ER over to me and walked outside to take the call.

All I could think was _Something has happened to Bella. Something terrible. She's dead. She's bleeding out. _

_No, Esme would have called an ambulance, not Carlisle, if she was alive._

The nurse standing beside me assured the worried parents of the child on the table that he was suffering from croup, and she started steam therapy and whatever, I couldn't have treated him if my life depended on it.

I watched my father's face as he spoke into his cell.

I was right, it was bad news but it wasn't completely terrible, if you know what I mean.

Not devastating.

It wasn't Bella.

Not directly.

Charlie was on shift tonight, maybe he'd taken a bullet. Maybe he'd been involved in a traffic accident.

I just hoped he wasn't dead and that he'd live at least long enough to see his grandchild.

Jake walked up to my father and I knew I was right. He would not be here unless he was coming to support Bella. They both looked through the window at me and I prepared myself.

"There's been a plane go down. So far there are no signs of any survivors."

"Who was on it that we know?" I asked, confused. My brothers and their wives were safe. Siobhan had visited now and then but she was too advanced in the surrogacy to fly. Jake's wife and children were hardly going to be off on vacation without him.

"Renee and Phil had decided to make a surprise visit for Bella's birthday this week."

"You knew?"

"She called to make sure she'd be welcome, and I suspect, have somewhere to stay if Bella didn't feel up to putting her up in your guestroom."

"That's why you had me furnish it? You could have told me."

"Renee was hoping you two would welcome her more if you had no warning," he smiled sadly.

"So, Renee is dead," I stated. I wasn't one hundred percent sure how this would affect Bella.

She and her Mom were so distant with one another.

But Bella was pregnant.

She may react way out of character because of that fact.

_Just don't let it send her in premature labour, _ I prayed. As always, Bella was my first concern, but we both wanted our baby so desperately. I just need this to be manageable.

Carlisle called in a replacement to take over for him and we three left the moment the woman arrived. There were no major problems anyway, just the child with croup and a possibly broken leg currently in x-ray.

Bella voice drifted down to us as I opened the front door. She was up in the nursery, rearranging the many baby clothes yet again, singing softly to herself and the child within.

"Hey, Love. Wow, everything looks ready," I commented, walking to her and putting my arms around her waist from the back.

She leaned her head back and kissed my cheek.

"What are you doing home? Did your father decide you will make a terrible doctor and kick you out?"

"Actually, Dad and Mom and Jake are all downstairs. Why don't we go join them? Have a coffee or in your case, herbal tea?" I said softly.

"What's happened? Why is Jake here? He was here only this morning, bringing me the baby clothes they had stored away from when their twins were born. We talked for three hours, he can't be here on a social visit."

"Have you watched the news today?" I asked her, kissing her hand.

"You are not here because the dollar fell, or because we may end up with a new President next election if the polls are right. What's happened?"

"A plane went down over the ocean. All souls lost . No survivors."

"Who?" she asked, pulling out of my arms and standing to face me.

"Your Mom and Phil. I'm so sorry, Bella."

She frowned and took my hand again.

"Do you think this means we are going to have a girl, then? "

"I'm not sure what you mean," I replied, silently checking for signs of shock.

"Well, one mother/daughter relationship has just ended so maybe that means another will soon begin. Only I'll be the Mother this time, and it will be a better connection. I'll be a good mother, Edward."

"I never doubted that for a moment, Bella. Are you okay?"

She looked outside the window and nodded.

"It might be easier this way. I was preparing myself for my Mom to be as disinterested in the baby as she has always been in me, and I know if that was the case, it would be the very end for her and me.

She may ignore me, but I needed her to acknowledge this child for the miracle she is. Now Renee cannot disappoint me any longer. I can just assume she would have loved our baby, right? You never know, she may have been the best grandmother ever. We will never know. I like that."

"Come downstairs," I urged. I needed my father's superior knowledge and years of experience with dealing with bereaved women to see her reaction.

"I just need to put the baby blankets on the correct shelf," she replied, picking them up and turning.

I saw her shoulders begin to shake and took her back into my embrace.

"It's okay to cry. I know you loved her, no matter how she treated you. She was your Mom no matter what."

Bella clung to me and I felt her tears quickly soak the front of my shirt.

"She could have been worse. She could have taken me with her and then neglected and ignored me. I grew up in a house full of love, with Charlie. He may not be the most demonstrative man but I have never doubted how much he loves me. She gave him to me by giving me to him."

xxxx

Jake stayed for an hour before having to get home to take over so Leah could go to her part time job at the diner, but in that hour he sat and listened, and held my wife's hand, as she talked to him about their childhoods. They'd both been raised without a mother, so the bond had always been strong between them.

I was just glad she had him.

He'd at least visited with her when Charlie sent her to stay with Renee each year, because she'd refused to go alone. He knew the woman I'd barely met.

Dad looked her over and assured me she was fine.

It had been a shock, but Bella seemed to be gaining some closure already. I guess I understood. She had been so worried that Renee would not be what she needed her to be yet again, but now her mother would not be put to the test. She could not be found wanting.

A week later I flew to their town and helped Phil's sister pack up all their belongings and she surprised me by saying how often Renee had spoken of Bella over the years, and how many regrets she had for not trying to make a real mother/daughter bond with her.

She showed me photos of Bella and Jake on their visits here, taken by Phil, and Renee definitely seemed to have some sort of love for her daughter, even if it had never really been obvious to Bella.

Their relationship was not completely one sided after all.

By her bedside stood a single photo in a frame of Renee in the hospital with a newly delivered Bella in her arms and you could see the conflict in the young mothers eyes.

She wanted a different life but that didn't mean she had walked away unaffected by leaving her infant behind.

How could I judge her? As my father rightly pointed out, I'd lived a selfish life myself.

Maybe that was why Bella was made for me.

To give me a chance to be a caring and honorable person.

To be what she had always needed.

Someone who loved her beyond reason.

It was never too late to live a proper decent life, not while I lived and breathed, and I would always do my best for her.

I packed up every photo, every video tape, every Diary, deciding to read them first myself on the plane ride home before handing them over to my wife.

If they were as bleak and empty and negative of Bella as I knew she would expect them to be, then they would disappear and she'd never know of their existence.

I began reading the very first diary on the plane.

"_Today I walked away from a miracle."_

xxxx

BPOV

The first contractions started around midday two weeks before my due date.

Edward had been working night shifts so was deeply asleep, though twitching and occasionally crying out a little as usual.

I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror.

" I'll never look like this again. That makes me a little sad because for me this was such a wonderful journey but Baby Son or Daughter, you have to understand why I can't ever give you a sibling. There's no way I could put your father through this again.

He's different to me.

He sees danger everywhere, and he's so scared of losing me. Now he knows I would be completely unable to choose to walk away from him, he has moved on to thinking some tragedy will claim me instead.

We know that is not true, but I think if I ever got pregnant again, it would push him right over the edge and we need him, don't we? We love him too much to do that to him.

Anyway, you will have all those cousins to play with, and share your life with, so it's not as if you will be alone. We have to make the best choice for our family, and this is it.

Oh, by the way, sorry about the epidural but there's no way I'm crawling around the floor screaming while waiting for you to be dragged out of me. That's a step too far."

I walked along the path to the main house, pausing to lean a hand against a tree now and then as a contraction hit. They were mild, and far apart, but regular. This was really happening.

I went in through the side door and Carlisle looked up from the journal he was reading.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

"I've started," I replied, hesitating before sinking gratefully onto a chair and hoping I wouldn't ruin the brocade cover if my waters broke.

"You know Esme has about four identical chairs in storage in case anything happens to any of them, right? Sit comfortably and tell me what's happened so far."

"Just regular tightening, around my entire torso," I replied. "Fifteen, maybe ten, minutes apart. No show."

"Rest a little then we'll go upstairs."

Carlisle had secretly created an entire birthing suite in one of his former guest rooms.

"Edward's asleep?"

"Mmm," I answered, stopping mid stance and leaning over."That was closer. Five minutes?"

"Then I need to check what's going on. You still want a home birth?"

"Absolutely," I assured him. My husband had virtually bullied me into agreeing that a c section was the best option, but I had never wanted that ending, and Carlisle and I had plotted together from the early days to come up with a way around my husband's unjustified panic stricken decision.

If I could get to the point where a natural delivery was about to happen, he couldn't do anything to change things. He was hardly going to cut me open here, in the house, if there was no time left to get me to the hospital.

Carlisle had borrowed all the equipment that might be necessary in an emergency, and I was quite trusting that he would always do what was best for both me and the baby no matter what happened, no matter what my wishes or Edward's were.

"It's early days yet. Could be another twelve hours," he announced after examining me.

"Drat. Edward will wake up and come looking for me and drag me away to hospital," I moaned.

"You never know. First deliveries are different for everyone. You may surprise yourself and progress more quickly than most. We may beat him yet."

Alice and Rose appeared quickly at Carlisle's summoning. Maybe if we were all in a group ganging up against him, Edward would just relax and give in.

I could but hope.

xxxx

EPOV

"C_arlisle, do something," I screamed as my wife lost consciousness and I wasn't even sure her heart was still beating._

_There was blood, so much blood, everywhere._

"_I don't have my scalpel. I've left it at the hospital," my Father called in distress._

"_We have to get it out of her," I screamed at him. "Do something."_

"_What do you suggest, Edward? I have nothing sharp. Esme sold all the knives in the house and we don't even own a pair of scissors."_

_I looked at him in complete disbelief._

"_How could you let her do that? You knew we had to cut this baby out. Where's Alice? Maybe Tommy has some safety scissors we could borrow."_

"_They'd never work,' Emmett replied. " I tried to give myself a haircut with them and they are useless. You need to bite it out of her. With your teeth."_

"_My teeth? Don't be insane," I screamed back at him as he nonchalantly snacked on a chocolate iced donut._

"_Don't eat in here, we have to keep the room sterile."_

"_But Bella never cleans up after herself, you always have to do it," he pointed out._

_I looked around me._

_We were in Bella's first apartment and she was laying on the uncomfortable sofa bed._

"_I bet she wishes she'd lashed out and bought a proper delivery table now," Emmett laughed._

_"We need to clean the room," I shouted. "Where are Alice and Rose? They should be helping me clean up."_

_I rushed about picking up discarded jeans and Tshirts and threw them into the washing machine._

_But there were dishes in the sink._

_Glasses, everywhere, empty wine bottles._

"_We can't let the baby see all the alcohol bottles, she will think we aren't good parents," I panicked._

"_Edward, you need to do something for your wife," Jessica Stanley said._

"_What the fuck are you doing here?" I yelled. "Get out."_

"_If she dies, I'll have you," she smirked. "I always liked you. And you fuck well."_

"_Don't speak like that in front of the baby," I warned her loudly, rushing back to Bella._

_She was so pale and looked almost dead._

"_Bite her open and get that monster out of her," Jacob Black screamed._

"_It's not a monster, it's a baby. Say it. Baby. It's just a little baby," Rosalie stated ,stroking Bella's belly. "I'll keep the baby and you can marry Jessica."_

"_I don't want to marry Jessica, I just want to save my Bella," I freaked at them all._

_Emmett was handing out donuts, Alice was playing with the dog._

"_Oh get the dog out of the Delivery Room at least," I growled. "This is no place for pets."_

_Bella screamed and arched her back and I swear I heard her spine snap._

"_Hold on Baby, I can fix you," I promised, looking around for some instrument that fixed broken backs._

"_Just do it, you pussy," Emmett laughed._

_I had no choice. I bared my teeth and lowered my face towards her belly._

"_I'll save you,my Bella."_

_Her blood filled my mouth and I went to spit it out but it tasted awesome. I licked her skin, then stood back in awe as the baby emerged._

_It came out biting, finishing the job I had begun._

"_Don't hurt your Mother," I warned him. "Do not bite Bella. Nice babies don't do that."_

_I stepped forward hurriedly to get him away from his dying mother and my foot missed the ground, jerking my whole body._

"Fuck. Another nightmare."

I wiped my streaming brow with the sheet and turned to check on Bella. I couldn't hear her gentle snores that she usually did at night now.

She was gone.

I jumped up from the bed and ran to the bathroom.

Empty.

Fuck.

Where is she?

A knock sounded on our front door. I ran down and jerked it open.

Alice and Jasper stood there.

"It's time," she said with a smile. "Hurry up or you will miss the whole thing."

We ran, and I do mean ran, up to my parents house.

Bella was the old guest room, immersed in water in a large inflatable child's pool.

"Get in and either support her back or welcome your child into the world."

Rose was already sitting in the water, holding Bella's back against her chest.

I knelt between her legs beside my father and watched in awe as a small, dark haired head emerged from my wife.

"You know what to do. You've done it before," Carlisle reminded me, moving back a little so I could be center front.

"Push Bella. One more push," Rose urged.

Bella's face was contorted with pain and she bore down again.

"Okay, now pant," I ordered, reaching to support the head as the shoulders emerged. The whole body slid easily into my hands.

"What is it?" Rose and Bella asked in unison.

"It's a baby!" I replied, lifting the little screaming bundle to my chest as my father monitored the cord and Bella.

Esme handed me a towel and I rubbed the vernix and blood from it's skin before accepting a second clean towel and wrapping the baby snugly.

"Bella, we have a baby. A real live baby."

I showed her the perfect little face.

The baby opened it's eyes and held Bella's gaze.

"You need to squat and get this placenta out," Dad interrupted.

Rose and Alice helped Bella stand and the afterbirth slipped from her as she straightened up.

"Well done," Dad said, catching it and holding it up to let the blood drain into the still attached baby. Once it stopped pulsing, he severed the physical link and I stepped from the tub and let my Mom see the baby as Bella was showered and then put into bed.

I walked to her side and lay the baby on her chest.

"It's a little girl, Edward. Look at her eyes."

I didn't know you could detect gender from eyes, so I opened the wrapping and checked.

"It is indeed Kristabelle. Kristabelle Renesmee Cullen, meet your mother. She loves you to the moon and back, and beyond. Forever."

xxxx


	25. Chapter 25

**Excuse delay, I have had the flu. I love Winter.**

It's Murder Sequel

Chapter 25

BPOV

As expected, Edward was checking that every visitor washed their hands and donned a mask before being allowed near the baby. After some deliberation, he decided he and I could merely keep our hands clean and that would be enough, as Kristie no doubt had some immunity to our germs already.

I half expected him to wheel in a glass bubble to keep her inside each time he walked through the door.

Carlisle was doing his best to keep his son happy, so the baby was weighed and measured daily, and her slight, completely expected and normal, initial weight loss discussed at length.

"She's barely six pounds, she can't afford to lose another ounce," Edward agitated.

I would have tried to assure him that Carlisle had said her weight loss was actually a little less than the average but I was busy sucking on a straw.

It seemed I needed 'building up' so my milk supply would come in faster and naturally I had to produce the best quality breastmilk known to man for it to be worthy of his princess.

He grabbed her chart and leaves the room to access a computer and compare her stats online.

The only reason we haven't been whisked away to the hospital is because Edward fears there are too many sick patients there and one of them may infect the baby.

I know in my heart every decision he ever makes from this day forward will be in his idea of what is in Kristie's best interests.

It was a shame she hadn't been accompanied by a twin to spread Edward's attention, but I was still convinced he simply didn't have what it took to endure another pregnancy.

For that reason I was glad that he got his much wanted daughter.

He may have professed to have no preferences by the end, but the man had arrived home on more than one occasion bearing a dozen pink outfits and just the one blue from the hospital gift shop, so no matter what he thought, he had always wanted the baby to be a girl.

I supposed Rose's twins might contain one male so she could have the little stash of boys clothes.

I had mixed feelings about Kristie's gender.

Only because she would be my only child.

I guess I couldn't help but wonder just what a son of Edward's would look like, but as my vision of him had always been that of a clone of his father, in reality a son of ours may not have lived up to my expectations.

He could have been short like me, with boring brown hair and eyes, and how sad to be the son of this amazing Godlike man and not resemble him.

Best it was a girl.

She seemed more like me than him, I thought as I unwrapped her carefully and examined her build. So far,anyway. She's got rather short limbs and a slightly chubby torso, and the prettiest little face, which kind of looks like I looked as a baby.

I was a cute enough toddler, it was as I grew up that I turned more average and ordinary, my Mom had informed me many times.

"But you have the most beautiful father in the world so chances are, you will improve as you grow," I reassured her. She seemed to hang on my every word and stare intently at me when I spoke to her so maybe she liked my voice. Or simply recognised it from her almost forty weeks inside.

Her tiny feet were perfect and her little hands unbelievably small, like a doll's, though her fingers were quite long. Mine had always been short so I found it fascinating that she had taken on some of her father's physical characteristics.

Carlisle and I had a secret bet going, because he thinks the darkness of her eyes means they will be brown, but I can see a hint of green in them that nobody else detects.

She often reached an unsteady hand up towards my face and touched my cheek, which was apparently an indication she was far advanced to other newborns who had zero limb control at this stage. God, I just hoped she would live up to his expectations because falling short would never do. I never wanted this tiny miracle to feel she wasn't good enough.

I don't seriously think Edward would ever find her wanting in any way.

I fear more that he'd be the type of father who changed his standards to accept whatever she became and always found the best in anything she did.

If she ends up an average student, I'm sure he will state that top students tend to be rather full of themselves and pompous, and it's always better to be always trying to achieve some goal through hard work rather than just have all the answers without effort.

But if she is gifted, no doubt it will be 'for the best' in this competitive world.

Her hair is rather thick and longish down the back of her neck, but even I cannot conjure up any touch of auburn in it; not so far.

I want her hair to be like his, because his is amazing, and a little girl with long auburn curls...suddenly I remember I already saw this child before, in my dream. I know she will have his hair and I smile and relax.

I've barely rewrapped her when Edward returns.

"It seems Dad is right. Most babies lose approximately six ounces but I'd really rather she didn't, because that would put her below six pounds. I think demand feeding is the best option but if she goes longer than three hours, we wake her."

"Then it's not really demand feeding," I reply.

"Bella, she's brand new and newborns do not always do what is best for them. We don't want her getting too comfortable and forgetting to feed regularly. It can happen."

The baby nuzzles against my breast so I free it up and let her attach , which she does with much vigour, and she sucks on my nipple loudly.

"We didn't weigh her," he retorts. Edward thinks weighing her before and after every feed is essential at this point.

"Too late, Papa Bear. I think she'd rip your throat out if you tried to detach her now. Edward, go make me a drink, and make one for yourself. You need to chill. Babies pick upon tension and if you truly want to be a great Dad, you have to relax so she can."

He blushes self consciously, and reattaches her chart to the perspex bassinette.

"I'm sorry. I don't know how to be, at the moment. I feel like I'm two people; her father and her doctor."

"But Carlisle is her doctor, so you can just be her Dad. Let him weigh and measure and worry,or not, and just enjoy this, Edward. We will never experience a time like this again."

He stiffens and turns to me.

"You don't want other children? I thought we agreed..."

"Edward, look at you. Look at how you were for the entire pregnancy. Believe me, none of us need to endure that again. And all that worry; all those nightmares...they were pointless. They weren't preparing you for some disaster. The birth was absolutely textbook, it could not have been any better. And she didn't come out biting.. not even crying. She's been relaxed and calm from the very start and now you need to be as well. Look at her. She's perfect. You could have enjoyed the last nine months instead of worrying yourself half to death. Even if things had ended badly, worrying beforehand could not have changed a thing. Let it go. What's the best indicator that a newborn is perfectly healthy?"

"The way it feeds,"he reluctantly admitted.

"And does Kristie feed like a perfectly normal infant?"

"Absolutely," he agreed. The room echoed with the sound of her efforts as she impatiently tried to encourage real milk to replace the colostrum.

"Then promise me you won't look at her chart for three days. You know Carlisle will step in if she needs any sort of complementary feeding while my boobs adjust and make what she wants. Even I know she is getting what she needs at the moment, no matter that she'd prefer a milkshake."

"Fine. I'm sorry," he replied, sitting beside me on the bed and putting an arm around my shoulders. "You are right. There's no point buying trouble. Every test has indicated she is indeed perfect. Her heart is strong and working as it should, her colouring tells us that her liver is kicking in already, and she has enough wet diapers to indicate her kidneys are perfect. We should just enjoy her."

The vacuum grip on my nipple relaxed and I handed her to him to get the wind from her belly as I put one boob away and exposed the second.

Once again, she attached like it was her lifeline and I felt my breast react painfully as she sucked down strongly.

Around midnight my milk came in.

How did I know?

My breasts felt like they were made of some form of very tender, painful stone and my clothes were soaked.

I headed for the shower, and when I got back into bed, Edward handed me the alert little dictator to attach again. He videoed the whole thing and I was glad because the look on her face when the milk rushed into her mouth for the very first time,was priceless.

Her eyes widened as large as saucers, and then she narrowed them and caught my gaze, as if to say 'yes, finally, now you are doing it right, woman."

Already I knew we had a child with attitude.

She patted the empty breast both times, as if to say thanks, and burped loudly, then dropped into the deep sleep of the truly satisfied.

By morning her weight had stabilized and by evening she was up almost two ounces and Edward was smiling as contentedly as she was.

xxxx

The early days flew past so quickly. For some reason we had been blessed with the perfect infant who slept four to five hour shifts at night, and fed around every two and half hours by day, when I was awake anyway.

Awake eating, and drinking, and wondering if I was going to end up gaining more weight while breastfeeding than I had during the pregnancy. I pretended I was only eating like the next meal could be my last because Edward wanted me to, but the fact was,I was starving. Apparently it took a lot of calories to establish and maintain a good supply, but the baby seemed to gain weight in front of our eyes, so I didn't worry; just accepted this was my latest sacrifice. My body may or may not recover it's former figure, but days like today I sincerely doubt it. I'm sure my face is rounder, and we won't even mention the small but very much there rolls around my normally almost concave waist.

"It takes nine months to lose your figure so it's perfectly normal to take nine months to regain it," Rose reads to me from some book. Because she isn't actually pregnant herself, she has a constant need to know every stage Siobhan goes through, and of course she's read ahead to what happens after delivery.

"Great, so the moths will have eaten all my favourite jeans by the time I can get back into them," I moan. Actually, I don't care a lot. I know my blouses and tops will be far too inadequate to house these puppies that rival Dolly Parton's anyway, so unless I go topless, a shopping trip is becoming a complete necessity.

I've informed Edward that we will be taking a trip to Port Angeles, and he's torn between the desire to proudly show off his creation, and the fear the people there are too germ laden.

"She will be safely tucked up in her English pram," I remind him again. "No germs will get through the insect net."

"And not to mention the cat net as well. She's more in danger of being starved for oxygen," Rose laughs.

"Cats do and have smothered sleeping infants," Edward defends.

"But for that to happen, we'd have to own a cat or go someplace where someone else owned a cat, and let's face it, Edward will not let an animal of any sort near Kristie until she is eighteen," I add.

"Animals have germs and anyway, there is no such thing as a truly domesticated pet. They are all wild beneath their exterior."

Rose laughs out loud at him.

We are back in our own house because, I suspect, despite his parent's house having many doors, he still worried Jakey Boy might break them all down in a desperate attempt to make off with our baby.

"It's not Australia and he isn't a dingo," just got me a glare in response.

Our yard is now fenced with self closing gates and suddenly my ex dog is the enemy.

"I can't wait for Kristie to be eighteen, by the way," Rose chuckles and I slap her. Really, we do not need Edward worrying about any future dramas. He has enough to cope with counting the amount of diapers his petal uses each day.

He is trying to be more relaxed, and he does achieve it at times, like when she is curled up on his chest, purring quietly as she sleeps. When she awakens from hunger, she merely wriggles around and sucks on her fist.

"God, I hope our two are this quiet. I guess it depends on how many Emmett genes they have inherited," Rose sighs.

Siobhan is doing well and soon Rose and Emmett will be flying back to stay there for the birth. Laurent has promised to call the very second she has her first contraction but I know Rose is hanging out here so much because she can't bear to wait that long. She plans on going tomorrow.

"It could happen so fast. Look how quickly she delivered last time, and we'd miss it. It's a once in a lifetime event and I am going to be there. Maybe at the wrong end of the delivery bed, but I'll be there," she swears.

"Is Emmett going too,or waiting here until you call for him?" I ask. It could be weeks yet and he does work for a living.

"Oh he will be coming with me tomorrow," she declares firmly. "I wish I could stay longer and play with this little angel but if we miss the birth, I'll never get over it. You do understand, right?"

"Of course I do. I know all about once in a lifetime events and how much more precious that makes them, because there will never be a do over to catch instead."

"I still think you are wrong, settling for one child because your husband is such a wuss," she retorts.

"You know Edward, and you saw him every day almost for the whole pregnancy. Can you honestly say you'd want to watch him go through that again? Watch him lose weight and rarely sleep and end up that stickfigure with the grey complexion and black bags big enough to pack all his designer outfits in, beneath his eyes?" I asked. I'd never seen Edward look anything but hot, so it had unnerved me, watching him change into a ghost of himself.

I'd thought I'd be the one doing all the changing.

"But it was so worth it to end up with that perfect child," she argued.

"Baby wants a feed," my husband declared, handing a freshly changed infant into my waiting arms.

"Goddam it, she doesn't even cry. How could you resist not having a dozen when they turn out this amazing?" Rose mumbled.

xxxx

EPOV

"Two boys? Identical? Wow, Emm, I can see we are all in for some future trouble. And they look just like you? Nothing like Rose?"

Bella is grinning madly as she overhears my conversation on the phone.I know she feels left out, with us being the only member of the family not back in Boston greeting our nephews into the world, but I don't like the idea of virtual newborns on planes. Some studies show an increase in SIDS for babies who have travelled by air, but that is mostly when international flights are involved. Even so, I have warned my brother to keep oxygen masks on his babies during the flight home.

I must have scared him because he tells me they are coming by road.

It will take a lot longer and be far more inconvenient but it's never too early to learn about sacrificing your preferences for your offsprings welfare.

He hasn't smoked since before the first IVF course, and rarely drinks. He even did a detox and spent a few weeks in a health spa to make sure his sperm would be healthy.

Jasper had never done either to excess so he'd given up both cold turkey pretty much as soon as he met Alice, but I expected that from him, whereas Emmett has always done whatever he liked, and never considered anyone else.

I guess we are the reformed Cullen brothers nowadays.

In danger of becoming as boring as our parents, whose lifestyle we had rebelled against.

Just when I found other worries to overtake my regrets about my careless treatment of women before Bella, I watched a tv show about how much information parents should impart to their teenage children.

Such as, admitting to drug and alcohol abuse as a way to back up that you know best, and have been there, done that, and experienced the fallout, as a way to discourage them following in your footsteps.

I was holding my sleeping daughter and cringed inwardly that she might ever know what sort of a man I had been.

Bella had laughed at me and given me that look she always does when I'm getting too far ahead of myself.

"Edward, you never behaved badly in Forks, so nobody here knows about your past, or much of mine either. As far as the residents here know, we each dated other people, and moved on and then met and fell madly in love. That's all anyone knows, so what bad things can they tell her anyway? I swear you will still be finding things to worry about ten years after you are dead."

Dead?

God, I had better not die before Kristie is an adult and no longer needs me.

My wife takes the baby from me and places her in the downstairs crib, switching on the baby monitor so we can see her on the bedroom tv screen.

"Come upstairs and forget all your troubles for one single hour," she purrs, pulling on my hand.

"Or even two."

xxxx

Two it is, and afterwards Bella sleeps soundly at my side. We both showered after the shenanigans but then we got dirty again and had to go back for another session of shower sex... one thing that hasn't changed is our desire for one another, regardless of broken nights.

Bella continues to amaze me constantly.

If I'd had a baby grow inside me and be delivered from my privates, I'm sure I'd be fretting that things down there had been damaged beyond repair, and would have been very reluctant to resume my sex life. But not my Bella.

She seemed to just assume nothing had changed and to me,things felt pretty much the same. She still clenched like a champion, and I had no complaints whatsoever. She had to exercise those inner muscles anyway, may as well do them with me inside her was her reasoning.

I married a very smart woman.

Many men would have given up on sex during a pregnancy and I could have been in their number had my wife refused to consider that as an option. Thinking about what damage keeping up an active sexlife could have done to her and the baby had worried me,briefly,but my father was on Bella's side and he'd assured me constantly that the best thing I could do was keep my wife happy. And Bella is only happy when she is kept satisfied.

The six weeks abstinence after delivery had been a form of Hell on Earth for her , and she'd resorted to watching tear jerking chick flicks and crying over the ill fated couples on screen, but then, when they did get their happy ever afters and sealed it with a nice, romantic session of love making, she'd turned the movie off.

Her envy of others who could make love had been rather apparent,and I knew exactly to the night when we would resume, because she bugged my father almost weekly to examine her to see if she'd healed faster than most.

"Resuming before six weeks can be very dangerous," Dad had warned her,and I'd been the strong one, because there's no way I could ever do anything that might harm Bella. She'd tried exposing herself in little black lacy garments, and telling me other cultures probably did not wait a whole six weeks, so I'd informed her that some waited an entire year before a husband considered his wife 'clean' again,and she'd paled and backed off.

I have no idea if what I'd said was true, but it put things into perspective for her, and she'd waited much more patiently after that.

She imagined she was the only one missing sex, but I was just as desperate to be with her again and to reconfirm that connection between us. I'm not saying it had weakened at all, but still , being inside Bella was the very best place on Earth to be and I'd almost cried when we reclaimed one another. For the first time I'd had to admit she may be right.

We may not be able to go through all the hoopla pregnancy and birth and six weeks of abstinence involved.

Kristie was beyond perfect and the most wonderful baby imaginable; next time we may not have been so lucky.

xxxx

I swear we heard the screaming before their car even came into sight.

Emmett jumped out and I thumped his back and assured him he was indeed a real man, getting two healthy sons from a single sperm. We ignored all the other sperm that had failed in their job and just celebrated the incredibly hardy victor.

"Sounds like they have good lungs," I laughed. It sounded so LOUD, after weeks living with a baby who barely whimpered.

" I'm so glad their house is over the far side of your parents house," Bella said, not even lowering her voice. It didn't matter, all anyone could hear was synchronised wailing.

Rose kissed cheeks and then returned and lifted twin Number One from his seat, and handed him to Esme.

Mom had admitted to missing both babies since she and Dad returned a few days after their delivery, by air, with Jasper and Alice and their kids three weeks ago.

Rose and Emmett had made a road trip to remember with their journey home.

Emmett patted the front of his new Jeep and started giving Dad a blow by blow description of petrol consumption and miles per gallon and whatever, so Dad opened the back passenger door himself and got out the second twin.

Bella walked over and took the infant from him, and went inside. She had settled Kristie in one of the three cribs Mom had added upstairs, so her arms were free to hold these babies that she had only seen via the computer screen and I watched as the womenfolk gushed over the babies.

Rose looked amazingly calm for someone of her fiery temperament who'd been trapped inside a vehicle for days with this human stereo sound system.

I caught her as she returned from a hasty trip to the bathroom.

"Wow, you have changed. If anyone had told me you'd step from that car anything but frazzled, I'd have never believed it," I exclaimed. "I half expected Emmett to arrive alone and tell us you had decided to hitch-hike home."

"What?" she asked, pulling two ipod buds concealed by her long blonde hair, from her ears.

"Rose," I laughed, shaking my head.

"Essential child rearing aids when you are blessed with Emmett Cullen's offspring," she declared, heading to the kitchen, and the gaggle of women surrounding her babies.


	26. Chapter 26

It's Murder Sequel

Chapter 26

EPOV

Life with a baby becomes routine from necessity. Everything we did revolved around Kristie's schedule, and I hated leaving my precious girls to return to work when my shifts eventuated. Dad had me doing the bare minimum so I could spend most of my time at home, but still, I was seriously considering just postponing my training until my daughter was older.

I understood Bella's decision that this would be our only child but it meant this would be the only baby I ever got to really love and know and I didn't want to miss a minute of her life.

I was doing a four hour early evening shift each day because that was Kristie's first long nap time, but all the same,keeping my head in the game was difficult, and I'd be wondering if she was indeed sleeping soundly or if she was awake and somebody else was spending time bonding with her instead of me.

I didn't envy the fact that Bella spent this extra four hours with her, but still, they were four hour periods I'd never have again, so when it became apparent I just could not work at one hundred percent like the patients deserved, I informed my father I was taking a career break.

Becoming a doctor was a goal I still wanted to achieve but not yet, not now.

It would always be there and I'd had no problems settling back into study and focusing on my career prior to the birth so it would the same in a couple of years time when I was able to tear myself away from our miracle.

Bella merely shook her head and laughed when I told her, and informed me I was on permanent diaper duty because she was 'the cow' so I was the guy in the circus who cleaned up after the animals.

"Hey, did you just call Kristie an animal?" I growled.

"Basically, that is what we all are, and you are the pooper scooper."

Nothing like being put firmly in my place.

Mornings were an especially favourite time for me, because Bella had decided she was lacking Vitamin D and needed to get some sun onto her pale skin. This meant every morning once the sun was shining brightly, she would head for the study, the room that got the best sun exposure, strip naked, and sprawl on the chaise lounge by the window and catch some rays.

I often sat in a chair beside her and admired her new body.

She was already slimmer and her smooth skin barely showed the tiny marks the pregnancy had left her with as a reminder that she was a mother.

She called them her 'badges of honour' and somewhat weirdly, Rose envied her for bearing these tiny silver striations. I guess we had judged Rosalie too harshly; I for one had assumed she was glad in many ways that she could not carry the twins herself, after all her figure and face were everything she valued about herself, but it seemed I'd pegged her as shallower than she was in reality.

If she was here while Bella was 'vitamin D'ing', she'd look with undisguised jealousy at my wife's abdomen.

"It's weird,right?" Bella stated. "How can she envy someone who isn't perfect, when she is? It's reverse jealousy or something. Honestly sometimes I think the whole world has gone off it's axis. Rosalie Hale envying me? What next? Emmett joins a monastery?"

Emmett was a little shaky with fatherhood, but the first chance we got to really talk, I found out why. He was still adjusting to the way the twins had come into the world.

"I just always figured when the time came, my super sperm would knock up my woman first try and every time we debated whether it could be time for another pregnancy, it'd be too late to change our minds by the next morning because the deed would be already done.

All this artificial shit was never part of that fantasy.

I wanted to see my Rosie getting round and fat with my kid inside her."

"She wanted that as well," I replied, handing him a glass of lite beer.

"Why us, Edward? Is it some kind of punishment because neither of us were very conventional in the way we behaved before we met? Surely what you do when you are young and single and free is irrelevant. It's how you behave once you are married that counts. I would never cheat on my Rosie and I'll always love her, but before she came along, I had no idea I was even capable of feeling this way about any woman. I mean, I hoped I would.

I hoped there was someone out there like her who would blow me away the moment I laid eyes on her, and that's the way it happened. Why not the rest of the happy ever after as well? I feel a little bit like those boys aren't quite ours...I don't imagine you can understand that, having your own home grown baby."

"Things happen, Emmett. Circumstances occur that we would never imagine. You really need to just be grateful that these days it's entirely possible to still have your own flesh and blood offspring even if they aren't carried by your wife. That's an extra miracle in my could have been left with the only option being raising a stranger's child. Not that there's anything lesser about adopting, but you two are truly blessed and you need to wake up and smell the coffee."

"I know but if only..."

"Stop now. That sort of thinking will never lead anywhere good. She did what she did but she never thought for one moment that having that termination could be a negative thing in any way.

You haven't read what I have about Aro Volturi. Had she given birth to his child the only suitable name for him would have been Damien.

I don't believe in abortions myself but I have to admit, I'd have been terrified in her place. You have little idea of the depths of his depravity, and the idea of burdening the world with his offspring was more than Rose could handle.

Sure, had she been pregnant to some ex-lover, some normal guy, I would have found it hard to accept what she did, but if that had been the case, you know she would have kept it. I can totally understand her not wanting some kid bearing a mix of his genes and hers. You need to accept that she would never have recovered if she'd continued that pregnancy."

"But the cost..."

"I hate to say it, Bro, but even if she'd known the cost, I think she would have still done it. That's how devastated and horrified she was. You didn't know him, not like Rose did. The man was the Devil."

"When his trial start?" Emmett asked.

"Soon," I replied was an open and shut case; a sure thing, but still the chances were, Bella, Rose, and I would be testifying along with Riley. He was the main witness but we had our own bits to add and make sure the man went away for the term of his natural life if he escaped the chair.

Surely he would fry.

All those women...

As nerve wracking and distasteful as it would be, we all had to do our bit to end the reign of the monster. Him being behind bars was not good enough; many a criminal runs his empire from a prison cell.

No, only death was good enough and I wanted to be there and see the devilish gleam of his eyes die along with his body and wicked mind.

xxxx

The three babies were all on a blanket outside in the weak Summer sun. Emmett's boys were already twice the size of their cousin but I liked that. My little Kristie was a delicate little rose petal princess between the two thorns.

Surprisingly, their parents had bestowed fairly normal names on them, despite our fears.

Emmett had been tossing around a few 'original' names before the birth so we'd hoped and prayed at worst they'd just be named after his favourite professional wrestlers.

The Crusher and The Masher...Hulk and Buddy...Andre and Bruno...

Fortunately good sense had won, and my nephews were named Carl and Richard, after their grandfathers. Rosalie's Dad had died years ago but she wanted to keep his name going.

"Honestly, Ricky, you have to be gentle with little Kristie," she admonished her son, lifting him away to the other side of the blanket, and handing him a soft toy to chew.

Kristie rolled onto her stomach and frowned. I think she enjoyed the rough antics of her cousin.

She grinned when he looked her way and kicked her feet against the ground. Then her fist went into her mouth and she sucked loudly.

"Are you smirking because you got Ricky into trouble, Missy?" Bella asked, taking the baby onto her lap and opening her top and bra.

Emmett looked away, always confused as to whether it was allowable to look at one's brother's wife's breast if she was freely exposing it in public.

The rest of us took it in our stride, but with Rose unable to breastfeed her progeny, breasts were still primarily a sex toy in Emmett's eyes.

Bella carried the infant over to a chair beside the pool and sat down with her back to us,and fed the baby. She was aware that Emmett felt awkward at feeding times and had decided that could not force her to scuttle away to hide as if she was doing something shameful, but she wouldn't shove it in his face either.

I was about to make some joke to put my brother at ease when I noticed the look of raw envy and longing on my sister-in-laws face.

Bella didn't get why someone like Rose could envy her, but it was blatantly clear Rose did. More than carrying a baby and giving birth had been stolen away from her. Every day she was forced to face the consequences of her actions.

I think it made us closer, because we both harboured regrets and wished our histories could be changed, but for Rose, all the sexual partners she had enjoyed were never part of this ache. She had always classed that as just inevitable.

Just what happened these days.

You slept with men you'd never marry either within a relationship, or not.

Whatever.

None of it counted or meant anything, and those men disappeared from her mind the day she met my brother.

I wished it had been that easy for me, but I guess it's impossible to predict how you will judge yourself in the future. I never imagined I would carry the ghosts of those encounters. It had seemed so mutually consensual and casual at the time. Who knew?

It frankly terrified me that one day a teenage Kristie would sit in front of me and scoff at my concerns that she was wasting her life on one night stands with losers.

I wanted so much better for her; so much more. The chances that anyone would even bother waiting for marriage by then was too fantastic, but I dearly wanted her to only ever be with men she loved, who loved and respected her back. How did someone like me ever put that into words? All your life you have no choice but to live with your regrets and bad choices but they will always be there.

xxxx

BPOV

By the time Kristie's first birthday came and went, I felt a longing inside my heart that had never been there before. Well, maybe enough for me to recognise it for what it was, but I don't believe I yearned to have our daughter as desperately as I now longed to have her sibling.

Of course Rose picked up on it, but then her whole life was about wishing she could carry her husband's child, so why wouldn't she read the same symptoms when they were born within me?

"Bella, just do it. Toss your Pills away and don't tell him. You are so lucky that you have that option. We can start talking about the flu that's doing the rounds and how you fear catching it, then when you conceive, we can assume you are ill, not pregnant, right up until you start showing. You were tiny with Kristie; so by the time the biggest baby in your life finds out about the smallest one, you could have just three or four months left to go.

Do it.

Depriving yourself of another child because Edward's a wuss is ridiculous."

I admit I listened to her and considered how well an 'accidental' pregnancy would go over. Esme would be delighted; Alice might actually shut up about the joys of experiencing two precious siblings growing and developing together in perfect harmony; and Edward would survive.

I Googled stories about women who actually didn't know they were pregnant until the baby began moving so obviously and vigorously that it was no longer possible to put that belly bulge down to overeating, and seriously considered where this would fall in my promise to never do anything reckless, and my vow to always discuss major decisions with him before anyone else.

It was too late to worry about Rose knowing; I hadn't told her, she just guessed.

Last night I sat alone in our bedroom, holding the gift Edward had given me when Kristie was born. It was more precious than diamonds, which had been what I expected.

He had somehow found a photo that I had never seen;one of Renee holding me as a newborn, and had it framed in a three winged gold frame. The central photo was the first photo of me holding newly delivered Kristie; then it was flanked by a photo of Esme holding brand new Edward, and on the other side, my Mom and I.

This gift had touched my heart in a way jewels never would.

I loved that Edward knew me so well that he had done this, rather than some grand gesture others would applaud and appreciate more than I would. I had everything I ever wanted and could buy whatever I fancied, but this photo was so precious because my Mom actually looked like she wanted to keep me, and I've never seen her look that way before.

Edward had given me a new way of looking at my past, and my Mom, and that was priceless.

xxxx

I sat in the sitting room in Esme's house and watched my daughter toddle about, chatting to herself as she poured imaginary tea into tiny plastic tea cups and handed them out. Carlisle dutifully drank cup after cup and I honestly marvelled at how he found every single thing she did so fascinating, time and again.

"More tea," Kristie babbled, forcing a cup against her grandfather's mouth.

"Oh delicious. Don't tell anyone but you make the best cup of tea in the Universe," he whispered. "Even better than Nanny Esme."

"More tea," she repeated, moving on to Charlie. He accepted his cup and asked for sugar and Kristie toddled back to the child sized table that was part of the child sized kitchen her grandparents had bought her...well, they bought one for in our sitting room,and a duplicate for here.

She picked up a small plastic spoon and returned to my father, and tried to force it between his lips.

"Maybe we should put it into the tea itself," he suggested, and started stirring.

"It's all Emmett's fault," I growled. "He gave her a little taste of sugar on a spoon and now she thinks it's the best food on Earth. I really must thank him for that. If she starts throwing tantrums over us not letting her eat sugar, he can come over and calm her down."

"Just wait until I give her her first taste of beer," he replied.

"Emmett, you dare and I will take you down so bad," I freaked.

"Oooh, now I'm scared. Bella's going to take me down. I hope I survive."

"She'll have me to back her up," Edward replied, walking into the room and scooping up his daughter. "You ever give my child alcohol and I'll give your Jeep a whole bagful of sugar in it's fuel tank."

"Not the Jeep," Emmett cried.

He bought a new one every time a new model came out and I think he was as proud of his stupid cars as he was of his sons.

Ricky and Carl weren't walking yet and both looked quite puzzled that Kristie was, but she did have only about half the body weight to support. Rose had concluded they were simply as lazy as their father, and was forever taking the tv remote control from one son or another, telling them it was Mommy's toy, as she did not want wars to evolve over ownership.

"Men should never be allowed to choose a tv program," was her explanation. Emmett had his own playroom; the variety with x boxes and ESPN on the flatscreen, so it wasn't an issue. If the twins cried through her favourite dramas, she took them into Emmett's Cave and told him to explain the rules of the game to them. It was his duty as their father.

Her cell shrilled and she took it outside to answer.

"I hope that's good news from Laurent," Esme voiced.

"Oh, is that baby of theirs already due?" I said in surprise. It was strange how other women's pregnancies seemed to rush by so fast when your own seemed to drag on forever. I felt a twitch of jealousy that Siobhan had a husband who turned into Mr Helpful and Supportive when she was carrying a baby or two, whereas mine just melted down.

Could I really force him through another endurance test just because I was besotted with idea of holding another newborn in my arms? There's just nothing that compares to the softness of their little heads, and the feel of their sweet baby breath against your cheek.

The intensity of longing in my belly and heart even eclipsed the feelings of horniness Edward inspired within me.

It was like a little voice of my future child begging me to let him be conceived.

Kristie just wasn't a baby any more. That was the problem. She'd suddenly gotten taller and slimmer and started stringing two words together, and somehow she'd turned into a real little girl.

Not a baby.

No longer a baby.

"It's a girl, seven pounds six ounces, and Siobhan's already agreed to carry another one for us once she recovers. I should say no but we want a little girl so much," Rose informed us all.

"Can't they do something about that these days?," Charlie said, shocking me that he would know. "I mean, you have to do that IVF business anyway. I read somewhere that now they can pick out the healthy ones so why not the females? Doesn't seem like much of a stretch."

"Preimplantation gender diagnosis is indeed possible," Carlisle admitted. "I personally would like to see it widely available to all prospective parents, now that we have couples aborting healthy fetuses just for being the 'wrong' gender. At least it would bring a halt to that wholesale slaughter."

"It's just another thing the rich can access and those of a lesser income will never afford," Edward replied. "I can't imagine sacrificing a child for something as shallow as their being of the opposite gender to what you hoped. I'd love any child we were blessed with."

_Fuck, is that permission? Does he want more children, still? Would he thank me for taking the decision out of his hands and instead presenting him with a fait accompli?_

I caught Edward's eye and he smiled at me, before turning his attention back to our child as she reached for his hair. Everyone else got their hair pulled and stuffed into her mouth if it was long enough, but she always patted Edward's hair like it was too precious to mess with.

"Nice Daddy," she crooned and he beamed and swung her into the air.

"God, I so want one of those," Rose sighed, sitting down beside me. "You wouldn't mind if you had another girl, right, Bella?"

Trust Rose to put me in this position.

"I'd kind of like a boy," I admitted, "but never enough to go through preimplant whatever Carlisle said. I guess I believe if there's no medical reason to do that, I'd take my chances and leave it to Fate."

"Little girls are beyond perfect," Edward added. "I could have ten and not regret it."

"See?" Rose whispered, nudging my leg. "He wants more kids. Just frikking do it."

xxxx

It seemed kind of sneaky, all the same, as I flushed this month's worth of contraceptives down the toilet that night.

"Okay, Bella, here's the deal," I told myself. "One cycle. If it's meant to happen, it will. If it doesn't you have two choices. Resume next month's pack and forget the whole idea or tell Edward what you have done and abide by whatever he decides.

If he likes the idea, fine. No more Pills.

If he hates it and can't handle the idea, then suck it up.

Buy a puppy.

It's a once only opportunity then you come clean and admit what a sneaky underhanded bitch you have been."

That didn't stop me putting on my smallest, blackest, laciest nightie, sans panties, when I dried myself off after my shower,and joined my husband in our bed.

xxxx

EPOV

What a day.

On one hand, our friends Siobhan and Laurent have their own no doubt wonderful new baby girl.

On the other, the summons have arrived.

We have to appear in court and testify against Aro Volturi.

I did intend telling Bella tonight, and had poured us both glasses of champagne to wet the new baby's head, before I hit her with the bad news.

However, there was a change of plan when she waltzed into the room wearing the best value five hundred dollars had ever bought. Inch per dollar it possibly cost more than real estate, but this outfit had began more nights of endless passion than had ever been portrayed in any romantic movie.

The only surprising thing was that it still remained intact.

God knows I'd wanted to rip it from her body a dozen times, but she made me swear not to damage it.

"Come here," I encouraged as she danced around the room, letting the back of the skirt section flap up over the delicious curve of her bottom. Women's bodies are a miracle.

I'd never quite gotten why Michelangelo wasted his time making his statue of David when he could have spent that time making a statue of Bella.

Even if she hadn't been around at the time, I dare say there have been other women's bodies just as sweet and perfect that he could have used instead.

She neared the bed and turned her back to me, half bending over because she knew it would drive me insane and I reached out a hand and slid it over her buttocks, up to her waist.

"You have my favourite panties on," I murmured, hardly able to speak.

"The non-existent ones?" she chuckled. "At least they can't be torn to shreds. Don't hurt my nightie,okay?" she pleaded. I peeled it from her body and dropped it safely onto the floor.

"There, your nightie is safe. I can't say the same for you," I growled and lifted her on top of me.

xxxx


	27. Chapter 27

It's Murder/ Part 3/ With Or Without You

Chapter One/Prologue

BPOV

In theory, today is D Day, the day either my period should begin, or the first day that I start wondering if it is going to show at all for the next nine months.

I feel mixed emotions; in some ways I kind of hope it turns up and exonerates me from what I did behind Edward's back so to speak, but on the other hand, if it's a done deed, then too late. We just have to accept it; whether he buys that it was an accident or not is another story.

I feel like I should hold my hand up and admit I planned this; I wanted it to happen but I'd been too gutless to ask him.

I'm sure it won't cause any problem within our marriage because Edward is so besotted with Kristie that I know in my soul that however lukewarm he may be at the beginning, by delivery he will be the proudest man on Earth, again.

And he'd forgive me anything.

That's kind of sobering, knowing there's nothing I could do to make him lose faith in me and leave me.

I imagine at worst, his reaction might be that he wished I'd told him so he could have been aware he was creating the beginnings of a new life the many nights we made passionate love while I was determined to give this my best shot.

Just thinking about Edward's body...

Just remembering what he feels like inside me, filling me, bringing me to complete ecstasy instantly makes me damp.

Dammit, I should be at home, playing doctors and nurses with my husband, not driving from shop to shop here in Port Angeles looking for items of interest to dress up Dad's house so he can put it on the market and sell it.

It's become no longer required, now he and Sue are building their own home on the Res.

In a way, Charlie always belonged down there with his true friends. He was almost a Quileute in his soul. Billy Black is more of a brother to him than any blood sibling could ever be.

I have a feeling this might be the last favour he asks of me. Nowadays he sees me very much as Edward's wife and Kristie's Mom rather than as his daughter.

As if by growing up and becoming an adult has altered things in some way that probably happens to everyone, just you don't notice until it happens to you.

He's retired now, so why live in Forks itself and waste all that valuable fishing time travelling back and forth when he could be right where the action is?

I exit the car again and head for a little shop down a back alley where Jacob's wife Leah told me the shop owner has brought in a lot of her own knickknacks to sell seeing she is moving into a retirement housing complex and there won't be room for sentimental reminders in her new limited space.

This is what I need; not shiny new modern stuff. Charlie's house is no modern showhome; just a comfy middle aged cottage that never had it's own items of interest, seeing Mom never really lived there long enough to add any bits and pieces.

I open the door and walk in and immediately feel the presence of someone behind me, and my eyes are covered with a large hand as another hand pulls my back against his torso and I quake, ever aware that there are people out there who would love it if Edward and I, plus Rose and Riley, especially, just disappeared.

"Hey Bells,Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," Jake says, releasing me instantly.

"Idiot," I growl, slapping him with my purse.

"Ouch. I said sorry. It was a joke, Bella."

"Yeah, and the stress we are under with the trial about to begin...," I splutter, realizing Jake knows very little about any of this.

"Oh, shit, I forgot. Sorry, Babe. Don't sic Edward onto me. I will behave. I'll do better than that; I'll spend the whole afternoon playing bodyguard and make sure nobody gets near you. What's Edward thinking, letting you out alone anyhow?"

"I'm not really in any danger. There's so little I can add to what Riley knows, it's almost irrelevant if I testify or not. I'm only a witness to the fact that Aro Volturi was in the business of selling humans, and compared to his nasty habit of killing them, it's kind of small fry. He'd go down just as well without me, so we aren't actually concerned about him wasting any of his henchmen on either of us.

Rose has a guard shadowing her, but she knows so much more about Aro's business than I do, it may be he'd be worried about her testimony. Anyway, Emmett's grounded her and is staying home from work until the trial is over."

"Any excuse to play with those boys of theirs. He probably wants to try out all their birthday toys himself, in reality."

"You could be right. Now, show me all this clutter Leah said would suit Charlie's house."

Leah was right, the ornaments and furnishings were just what Charlie's wife would have chosen to decorate with had she been anyone but Renee.

Mom had just had to serve her time until I was born before she ran off, so she was hardly going to spend her days prettying up the home she lived in so briefly.

I sorted through the hand embroidered tablecloths, and doilies, and added the prettiest ones to my basket.

Jake held up various vases and cute little animal ornaments, and I nodded agreement to a dozen or so and rejected the rest.

"What about the furniture? Charlie's old chair hardly shows that sitting room off to it's best potential," Jake smirked.

"Laugh while you can. He's moved all his furniture out, and we are using some tasteful pieces from Esme's interior design shop to stage the place for sale. And guess what? Your wife agreed to let Dad store his furniture at your place until his new house is finished."

"Leah agreed to having all that butt ugly crap in our house?" he asked in horror.

"Well, in your shed, anyway," I replied.

"Okay, you got your revenge on me for scaring you before, Loca," he laughed, relieved now.

"Good. I think we have enough. Let's pay for this and go grab a coffee. No matter how high end Edward's coffee machine may be, he'll never find one that makes coffee as good as Angela does."

"Amen to that," Jake agreed.

Angela's face lit up with delight when we entered her shop, and she rushed over to hug us both and ask after Kristie.

"I wish you had brought her with you. It's not the same just seeing all her photos on Facebook. I want to hold the real thing."

"She's kind of past the liking to be held stage," I admitted. "Ever since she discovered she could walk, she pretty much won't let anyone but Edward pick her up."

"Hmm, I can understand why she made that exception," Angela grinned. I'm not the only woman in town who thinks Edward is definitely the best looking man Forks has ever seen.

"So, any progress with Eric?" I asked. If that man doesn't put a ring on it soon, he will miss the boat.

"Actually, do you remember Ben Cheney from High School? He's invited me out on a date."

"Good. Eric had his chance," I replied.

"Yeah, not a lot of guys get that many years to man up," Jake laughed. "Ditch him. If he hasn't proposed by now,he's not going to."

Angela shrugged.

"So, Bella, how do you feel about selling the family home? I love having my parents still living in the house we all grew up in. I hope they stay there forever. I'm looking forward to taking my own children there to visit. The idea my future daughter may sleep over in the bed I slept in all my childhood, and play in my playhouse...it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. One day Mom and Dad will sit out on the porch in their rocking chairs and all their grandchildren will gather around them, listening to their stories about what little terrors we kids were growing up.

I mean, someday that will be me and my husband, and our own grandkids, hopefully," Angie sighed.

"I'll miss the place in a way but it's time to move on," I told her. " You would barely recognise it inside now, It's all professionally painted in neutrals, and has window furnishings from this decade; and new carpets that match in every room. And my bedroom...it's so different it doesn't really conquer up images of when I was living in it as a kid."

"Really?How have you setup the bedrooms?" she asked. Angie had visited all through our school years and had always wanted us to work together and update my bedroom 'decor' but I'd been too lazy. She'd had to settle for giving me a new poster every birthday to help hide another section of Humpty and friends.

"Charlie's bedroom actually looks great. It's surprisingly large, once we moved out the four trophy display cabinets, and his desk, and those two freestanding wardrobes. Esme put in a modern bed,which just looked too weird to me at first, after the crappy old four poster that had always been in there. He bought that bed in hope Renee would love it and stay."

"Yeah,well that was never going to work. A woman who wouldn't stay for her husband or child was never going to be tempted to stay for furniture. What's the new bed like?"

"Kind of 'Hollywood'. Its like a fabric covered sleigh bed. The fabric is black but it sparkles. Somehow it looks good, with all the bits and pieces of black and chrome accessories. Then my old room has been furnished like a Nursery."

"Some things never change," Angie chuckled.

"Well, it has a toddler bed and a crib, and the walls are just pale blue with white trim. It's the linen that makes it cute and little boyish. You could easily put a baby boy and his toddler brother into it."

"Bella," said Angela in surprise. "Don't tell me. You are feeling ready to add on to your family, aren't you? And you want a boy this time."

"Who doesn't?"Jake murmured.

"Oh My God. Is Forks about to experience a population explosion? I love babies! Oh, I so want one. How soon can I ask Ben how he feels about having a family?"

"I'd definitely wait until after your first date," Jake growled.

"So, how have you done the guest room downstairs?" Angela asked, glaring at Jake.

"Esme is a genius. She's gutted that room and turned it into a teenager's retreat. Put in one of those beds that tips up inside a closet out of the way by day. Made the downstairs wet room accessible through a new door in that bedroom so it's en suited, but still can be used from the original door as well, from the utility room.

She's done it up just like any teenager would love. Old guitars her boys outgrew up on one wall. State of the art music system. Now, if there had been any way my old bedroom could have looked like that, I would have agreed to you doing that makeover you always wanted to do."

"Gosh, it sounds great. You sure you want to sell it?"

"Edward and I have our own house now, and that's 'home'.

I don't need Charlie to hang on to his house just for me to inherit one day in the far distant future. I'll never need it, and he could use the money to add some home comforts to his new house.

I know he's lusting over one of those really big flat screens that everyone has these days. They are so big it will like he is actually there in the middle of the game, playing along with the team rather than just watching."

"Poor Sue. If there's anything that drives me nuts it's men watching sports," Angela laughed.

"Yes, well, Edward has suggested to Sue that she allows him to pay for a proper man cave for Charlie in the basement of the new house. As our housewarming gift. He can hide down there and it will be like he doesn't even exist and Sue can have the whole house decorated to her taste upstairs, and have her sister's visit for tea parties. It'd be a gift to them both."

"Just like a woman, wanting the inconvenient husband out of sight," Jake growled.

"Sue will probably be grateful just not to have to have that chair of Charlie's in the real sitting room," Angela giggled.

"Oh, Jake has The Chair at the moment. Who knows, he might fall in love with it and not want to give it back," I teased.

"No chance, Bells. Leah and I have different taste in furniture. Kind of anything not dumpster chic."

"So, when can you bring Kristie in to visit her Auntie Angie? I have kid sized cookies and bubba chinos for the little ones. No caffeine involved."

"I will do that real soon," I promised. "Of course, today she is having one of her 'more active days', as Edward calls them. Anyone else would say 'hyped up on a rampage of destruction' but Edward thinks everything she does is cute."

"Aw, he's such a big softie. I always said you'd never settle for any of the boys from Forks High, now didn't I? I always knew you'd go out there into the world and marry some awesome guy and not get stuck living here in the sticks like the rest of us."

"Well, you got it half right. I did leave town to find my man but somehow look where we ended up. I am truly happy about that though, after experiencing life elsewhere. This feels like one of the last safe little towns where nothing ever happens but it's a good thing, you know?"

"I suppose your job showed you there were a lot of worse places and ways to live," Angela agreed. "Oh, did I tell you about Tyler and his latest girlfriend?"

"You are so lucky that you moved away and nobody here knows anything about the men you dated before Edward," Jake growled. "It's like living in a fishbowl here. Your entire romantic history documented for the whole town to judge and approve of, or not."

"That's right," Angela pondered. "As far as anyone here knows, you and Jake were together for High School, then...nothing. No details until you came back a respectable married woman with a hot husband."

"Believe me, there was nothing and no-one worth talking about in between," I assured her.

It was nice, just sitting around chatting and catching up with the news and gossip. Angela tended to hear about every event, scandal and happy occasion from several different points of view from her customers.

"Well, I think I can safely say my eyes won't close tonight , after three coffees. I should head back and 'dress' Charlie's house with this stuff we bought today, and head home. I'm on Kristie duty tonight. Edward's back working shifts again now she sleeps all night."

"Oh poor thing, fancy having to actually hold down a job again," Jake sarked. "I have never heard of any other man taking over a year off to be with his kid."

"Would you have liked that, Jake? To be home every day when your girls were babies?" Angela asked.

"Um, no, I guess I was kind of glad that I had to work," he admitted. "Babies are women's work."

"It's so cool, knowing you are such a modern father," Angie retorted. "My husband will help out 50/50 with our children when they are small."

"And she wonders why she isn't married," Jake laughed.

"Okay, for that remark I assume you are paying," I replied, "And you had better leave Angie a nice big tip or she won't let you back here again."

"Sorry Angela. I would marry you in a heartbeat if it wasn't for the small matter of my wife and kids."

"Like I'd marry you, Neanderthal Man," she answered.

Jake and I split up at the carpark and he got on his Harley and left first, while I ran into one last shop and grabbed a House Design magazine that featured the Retro look I was hoping to achieve.

I drove back at a leisurely pace, mentally picturing where various props would look best. I would definitely call around to the house every day while it was having it's Open House inspections, and pick fresh wildflowers to put in the two yellow jugs I'd bought. One in the sitting room on the new white coffee table, and the other in the kitchen, I decided. Or maybe sitting in the two front windows on their wide, old fashioned sills, so you could see them from the street.

xxxx

EPOV

This is the time I will always look back on with the fondest memories, I knew. Our daughter was just so fascinating at this age. Always discovering something new in her little world.

She was ripping flowers from Bella's least favourite garden bed, so I let her go at it, knowing my wife intended changing the plants next week anyway.

Bella was going to plant up a rose garden and was just waiting for the right time to bed the rose plants, so it wasn't as if these flowers had a long life expectancy.

"Oh, Dadda," Kristie said, suddenly halting, the flowers in her fat little fist forgotten as they fell to the ground and she moved in closer to examine something that had caught her eye.

She looked at whatever it was intently, then looked at me, baffled.

"Bufferfly, Dadda?"

I got up and went to see what she was looking at.

A small red ladybug was sitting on a daisy.

"Pider? Bug?" she asked.

"Bug," I agreed. "Lady bug. Isn't she pretty?"

"Pretty," she echoed, clapping her hands together.

"Leave it be. She will fly away home to her babies if you don't touch her."

"Don't touch," Kristie agreed, but the way her fingers were flexing excitedly spoke of her desire to catch the bug.

"Come over here and we'll pick some pretty flowers for Mommy and give them to her when she gets home."

"Momma."

Kristie's eyes lit up at the thought of Bella coming home to us and together we managed to salvage a decent enough bunch from the plants she had decimated.

She bent over and gently picked up individual blooms and handed them to me, and I snapped off their stems to a manageable length and added each to the bunch. It still amuses me that my wife, who could have dozens of red roses delivered daily, prefers bunches of random wildflowers.

She's so different in every way to the girls I dated when I did relationships. I laughed out loud at the idea of handing over this tatty bouquet to Rosalie, for instance. If they weren't two dozen long stem red roses neatly packed in a box, she didn't consider them flowers at all. As much as we'd enjoyed our short romance, I clearly recalled how high maintenance she had been and how expensive to please.

She was Emmett's Barbie now, and I didn't envy him at all, living in that stark all white mansion.

Who wanted to live in an ice cave? Even the carpets were stark white.

God knows they will need another housekeeper or two to keep everything 'just so' and spotless as their boys grow, and play outdoor sports, then run inside with their muddy shoes.

Scratch that. No doubt Rosalie will hire someone to strip the boys naked and hose them down on the front porch.

I smile at the possibility despite their problems, that they may end up with a houseful of children. I guess as long as Siobhan is willing, my brother will always want 'just one more', whereas Rose may well be satisfied if this next baby they are planning is a girl.

Naturally listening to all their plans makes me wonder if Bella will ever come around to the idea of us having another child.

I do want more children, and surely Carlisle can find some form of medication or therapy to prevent me melting down like last time. I can still see the horrors I was subjected to nightly in my brain.

And Bella had been right.

They had not been some dark prophecy; some warning of imminent doom.

The pregnancy had been perfect.

There hadn't even been any little manageable problems, like most women experienced. No nausea, no vomiting, no weight loss, no migraines from the hormones; no bleeding issues.

Every pregnancy she had could be just the same, just as ideal. And if they weren't, she had two doctors on hand 24/7, and all the latest medical technology known to man.

My father refused to leave any new instrument or machine unbought just because this was a small hospital in a tiny town.

"Why should the patients miss out on the latest technology just because they choose not to live in the city?" he would say to justify every new scanner or diagnostic tool that was delivered. He could equip an entire second hospital just with the barely out of date machines that cluttered the hospital basement.

He was constantly donating them to a charity that found hospitals so under equipped they'd be grateful for anything, but I'm sure they rubbed their hands with glee whenever Carlisle rang to say the basement needed emptying yet again. Everything he passed on was barely used,only discarded because a new model had superseded it.

Rather like Emmett and his Jeeps.

My brother could run a thriving second hand car dealership with his cast offs.

Maybe I should buy a new car. Something more family orientated, to see how my wife reacted. If she wanted more kids, she would approve. If she didn't, I'd get a lecture for buying yet another car when the ones we had were still in immaculate condition and who needed a six seater anyway?

It was rather stupid that the one conversation I was loathe to have with her was about one of the most important aspects of our life together, but I guess I just didn't want to hear her say again that we would never have another child. She'd been so definite, and sure that she couldn't handle me not handling another pregnancy.

I hoped in time, she may find a way to trust that we would cope, as a team,and get to the finish line unscathed again, like last time.

Kristie noticed the dirt streaks on her frock and started rubbing at them, but as her hands were just as grubby, she was making things worse. I worked hard not to let her see my OCD tendencies about clean clothing. It was natural and good for kids immune systems to be challenged by this relatively clean dirt. We had no pets, so no animal droppings. This dirt was as clean as dirt could be.

"Do you want Daddy to give you a bath,and put a clean dress on you?" I asked, leaving the decision up to her. It was probably late enough to get her into her pj's, actually, and make one less chore for Bella tonight. We'd had a great day together, my daughter and I,while Bella took the day off domestic duties to set up Charlie's house. I missed her, though. Anytime we were apart were minutes or hours we'd never get back.

"Bath," Kristie nodded, standing up again and reaching for my empty hand.

"We'll put the flowers in a vase first. It seems Mommy is running late. She has to make Grampy Charlie's house all nice so some family will want to live there, and buy it."

"Gampy Charlie" she echoed, smiling.

I scooped her up and we set the flowers on the kitchen table in a vase, and headed upstairs.

Once we dispatched the bubbles and got Kristie all dressed in her new pajamas, I glanced at the clock.

Bella should be here by now.

"Yoo hoo, Edward," a voice from downstairs called.

I carried the toddler to the staircase and looked down at my younger brother's wife.

"Hi Alice. Bella isn't here yet."

"I know. She had a flat and had to wait for Jake to go back and change her tyre, and that call used up the last of her cell phone battery. He called me when you didn't answer your cell. She is rushing to Charlie's house as we speak, so I'm here to sit with Kristie until she gets home. I know you have a shift soon."

"Cheers. We are cutting it a little fine. I'll bring your niece down to you and get changed."

I checked my phone when I went upstairs and it was indeed, dead, too. And the line to the house was out.

Strange, but these things happen.

I had no time to hunt down my charger; I was almost running late as it was, and who knows where I'd left it plugged in last time I used it.

Dad was depending on me turning up on shift tonight so he could take Mom out to dinner. It was an anniversary, though not of their wedding or anything so normal and I shuddered to think what 'first' the occasion celebrated. Probably best I didn't know.

I knew my parents enjoyed an active and somewhat imaginative sex life, going on the websites Dad had let open on his computer at times, but still, they were my parents and I didn't want to think about it.

Once in my teens when my father had been lecturing me about inappropriate situations where sex was not permitted, I'd grumbled that I had no intention of waiting until I was married before indulging. Mom had surprised me by saying:

"Of course not, Edward. That would be foolish. It's best to know you and your intended bride are compatible in every way before the wedding. Your father and I..."

I'd covered my ears at that point and left the room.

They may have only ever slept with one another but they hadn't waited until the shiny gold bands were in place before doing so.

They weren't 'perfect' after all.

All the same, I knew it was envy talking.

If only it was the same for us. If sleeping with Bella before the wedding had been my worst sin, I could have lived with that easily.

Too late, but I so wished there was a way to make Kristie understand when she was older that everything you did in your youth was there, forever, no matter how much you may wish it away.

I wanted her to only ever know sex within love, at least, and it bothered me that I had no idea how to convince her of that without revealing how I knew going the other path would leave her with sour memories.

I kissed my littlest petal and wished Bella was here to kiss Goodbye as well.

How little did I know that this would be a regret I'd live with for a long time.

xxxx

Carlisle Cullen gently pushed in his wife's chair and sat down opposite her across the table in Bella Italia restaurant in Port Angeles. He'd had something a little more upper class in mind, but Esme had a longing for spaghetti, so here they were.

Celebrating another year of bliss together.

They ordered their meals, Carlisle choosing the mushroom ravioli, and he filled his wife's glass, then his own, and raised it up.

"To the first night of bliss we experienced together, and the many, many more; too innumerable to count, that followed. I love you more with every passing year, my Love."

Esme blushed, but with pleasure, not embarrassment.

At the time she'd had no idea that first times were not usually as ...satisfying for most females, but she'd only found that out later, when her friends confided in her and expressed relief that 'finally, it is starting to feel okay,and who knows,one day I might even enjoy it.'

She'd enjoyed it from the first.

Maybe because Carlisle was a medical student at the time and no doubt, knew all about female anatomy. He'd certainly known how to make it good for her as well as for himself. She would never forget the look of amazement on his face when he'd realized he had brought about her first orgasm, before his own even.

She hadn't seen him that proud again until she walked towards him down the aisle, and then each time a son had been born.

Everyone assumed she had hoped for a daughter amongst the boys, but she admitted to herself that being the Queen and never having to give up that title to a Princess had suited her just fine.

Not that she wasn't happy now having Bree as a daughter of a kind.

She even missed having her about the house this past week, since Marcus had insisted the girl needed a short vacation abroad, in protective custody, just until the trial.

There had been no threats or hints of violence of any sort, but Marcus was uneasy about how easily Aro Volturi had accepted his Fate and Bree was a living witness to the brutality of the man.

Even as she noticed the man himself walk towards their table, she naively assumed he was merely here with news of how Bree was enjoying her unexpected cruise.

Instead, Marcus walked straight to Carlisle, ignoring her words of greeting.

"Where are Edward and Bella? I need to contact them immediately."

"What's happened?" Carlisle asked in alarm.

"Riley Biers bar was blown up tonight. I am probably overreacting. It may have been a gas leak or something, but I'd prefer to take it as an act of warning, and get everyone involved out of harms way."

"Was Riley..hurt?"

"Sure, he's dead," Marcus replied, but Carlisle understood immediately. Riley had been long gone, hidden away, but if news got out that he was dead, so much the better.

"Edward's on shift at Forks Hospital and Bella's decorating her father's house," Carlisle replied.

"Their phones are not answering. I suggest you go and collect Edward and the baby and take them somewhere safe, and I'll collect Bella. We can meet up someplace out of town and decide where to go. Carlisle, I have a bad feeling about this.

I've had Rose and Emmett and their kids taken to a safe house, but for safety's sake, get every member of your family out of town tonight. As soon as possible."

Carlisle took his wife's arm and hurried her to the car. Esme was talking warningly on her cell to Alice, telling her to get Kristie out of Edward and Bella's house and they'd meet her on the path in the forest, and she was to call Jas and have him get their children outside and into the relative safety of the woods as well until they got there.

Carlisle drove like a man possessed, and caught up with his middle son in the hospital car park.

"Get in the car. We have to disappear for a while," he called across the distance that separated them.

Edward ran towards his father's car.

"Dad? What's happened?"

Edward climbed into the car as he asked, sensing the urgency.

He'd barely shut the door when an explosion rocked the vehicle, and Edward's Volvo erupted in flames.

"Fuck. Where are we going? We have to get Bella. I'm not going anywhere without Bella," he screamed at his father.

"Marcus will have her by now. We have to get Alice and Kristie. They are waiting in the forest. Edward, Bella will be fine. Marcus will have taken Bella somewhere out of town."

"God, Dad, I'm begging you. Please check. Just drive past Charlie's house. That route's no longer than the other. We'll be home just as fast."

They'd only just entered the street when they heard yet another explosion and Carlisle reversed the car and took the alternate road to their family compound.

Edward watched helplessly as wood and debris filled the road they were leaving, and Charlie's house was nothing but a fireball.

"Marcus' car wasn't there, he must have gotten her out already," Carlisle said firmly. Because anything else was unthinkable.

"Give me your phone, I have to contact Marcus," Edward yelled.

xxxx

Marcus edged along the narrow road and glanced at the house numbers. The white clapboard house to the right must be it.

He breathed a sigh of relief as he caught sight of Bella inside, fiddling with a floral arrangement on the window sill between the front curtains. Thank God.

Quickly parking his car a few house lengths away, he ran for the front door, only to be knocked off his feet as the blast erupted.

He lay there, dazed and almost deafened, feeling the blood return to his limbs as they felt the coldness of the damp grass.

His phone lit up and vibrated as it shrilled and he answered, not able to hear a single word the caller said but knowing it was Carlisle by the name on the screen.

"Oh God, I was too late. Bella was in the house! I couldn't save her, Carlisle. I saw her, standing there, fixing some flowers in a jug, and then... Don't tell Edward. Don't tell him until we get him away somewhere safe. I'll call when my hearing returns. I'm so sorry, Carlisle. More than I can say. I'm just so sorry..."

He wasn't even sure if the man was still listening, so he closed his phone and stood on shaky legs and backed away from the inferno.

He didn't even realise his cell had fallen from his grasp as he stood still in shock at the sight before him.

A ghost emerged from the bushes.

It had to be a ghost; nobody could have survived that blast.

He saw her mouth moving, but heard no words.

"Marcus," the apparition screamed, stumbling towards him, a broken yellow jug handle in her fist. "I just walked outside to pick a few more flowers in the woods, and..."

She faltered and fell and he rushed to her side.

Just then a car pulled up and Marcus yelled to his partner, Cass.

"She's alive. I think she's just in shock. I can't hear anything you say so just listen. No ambulance. We have to get her out of here. Call and have the helicopter meet us on the clearing in the woods. I don't want anyone associating it with this explosion. Grab her feet and be gentle, for God's sake. We need everyone here to assume Bella was killed in the fire. I'll call Edward myself."

xxxx

Edward almost dropped the cellphone and his mother turned to look at him.

"Edward? What? Tell me."

His mouth opened but no sound emerged.

"Is Bella okay,son?" his father barked, bringing him back to reality. A reality he could not yet get a hold on.

"Bella's dead. Marcus saw her get blown apart in front of his eyes," Edward said flatly, as though the words came from someone else's mouth. He tightened his hand around the cell and stared at it, as if he wasn't sure what it was.

"Right. We'll have to talk about this later, Edward. I'm sorry, son, but you still have a daughter we need to save. Give me the phone."

Esme climbed clumsily into the back seat and took the cell from his hand, handing it to her husband before wrapping her arms around her child.

Her husband was barking orders to Emmett, telling him no matter what, he was to meet them at the jetty as soon as possible, no matter what they had to do to elude the men who had taken them away, and she realised he was making plans to get them all away instantly, tonight himself.

"Marcus said to meet him...somewhere...he'll call," the disembodied voice of Edward continued.

"Like I'm trusting him with any other members of my family," Carlisle growled, tossing the phone out of the window into the undergrowth of the forest as he drove."The Cullen family look after their own."

"There's Alice and the baby," Esme cried in relief.

Her daughter in law handed Kristie to Edward, who grasped the child like the only lifeline he had left, and Jasper pulled up beside them.

"Jasper,you come with me. I have something we need to do. Esme, stay here until we return. Everyone just sit tight. We'll be back shortly. We'll be going to the jetty later, and heading to the island. Nobody knows that place exists outside of family, not even the tax man."

"Where to, Carlisle?" Jasper asked as Alice lifted their children from their car and his father sat shotgun.

"Pick up Emmett, then go to the Hospital morgue. Back entrance. Hopefully everyone will be too distracted by Edward's burning car to notice we are making some withdrawals."

"We are stealing dead bodies? Don't you keep some kind of records?"

"Sure, but seeing we have the largest hospital in the area, over the past few years all the unclaimed bodies for the surrounding towns have ended up in our freezers. I'll simply fill in the forms to show the ones we take had been sent for cremation at various times in the past. Nobody will notice, the paperwork will tally. I've always been in charge of that sad room myself.

Time for those unfortunate souls to do one last good deed for the living."

xxxx

It all went to plan, perfectly.

There were no unclaimed children's bodies, but Carlisle didn't think he could have borne to use them like this anyway. He strapped the long departed into their seatbelts and stood back.

He refused to let anyone take anything from their cars except their coats and the twin's bedtime 'blankies' and baby essentials. All other possessions, including their phones, were left inside.

Emmett inserted long braided fabric rag wicks into each tank opening and watched the petrol rise up and soak the material, before pushing the cars with their grisly passengers one by one to the edge, and igniting the wick. The tanks exploded halfway down the cliff face then the burning wrecks hit the water.

Edward barely noticed the explosions at all.

He sat there in a shocked daze, still clutching his child, kissing the top of her head repeatedly as his father and siblings 'killed off' the Cullen family.

He alone had refused to hand over his wedding ring.

Everyone else could cope with replacements, some time in the future, but Edward's ring had been placed on his finger by Bella, and she wasn't here any more.

There was no way he was surrendering her most meaningful gift, other than the baby.

He had Kristie, and he thanked God that Bella had not taken the child to visit Angela with her.

If not for Kristie, Carlisle could have stolen one less unclaimed male adult body, because Edward would have wanted to remain in one of those cars himself.

Carlisle took Esme's hand, and led the others through the dark on their long walk to the jetty.


	28. Chapter 28

With Or Without You

Chapter Two

"What are you going to tell her?" Cass asked for the tenth time as he stood beside Bella's bed.

The past few months would be the last peaceful days she would ever have, if she only knew it. She was showing increasing signs that her coma, therefore her sanity, would soon end.

He barely knew her, unlike Marcus, and he was glad of that.

How do you tell someone her entire family are gone?

"If Carlisle had just let me help them. And what the fuck was Emmett thinking, taking his wife and kids out of protective custody? At least they were alive. That's more than they are now. I just can't figure out how it happened. All three cars exploding just as they were driving on top of the cliffs at La Push beach."

"Any more bodies shown up?" Cas asked.

"I think you mean body parts. Now and then. Just...bits. Like the Quileutes said, the massive waves that crash below those rocks just pull everything out with the tide. It's a miracle we found any part of any of them. I'm glad there was no evidence left of any of the five babies. That would have been too heartbreaking."

"Well, it does figure they'd get swept away the easiest, being so small..." Cass choked and stopped. He shared his apartment with his sister and her young son, and suddenly the sleepless nights and teething seemed much more of a blessing and less of an endurance test. His nephew would at least grow past this stage and have a life.

He didn't even like looking at the photos Charlie Swan had given them, of the toddlers and laughing babies playing in the sunshine. It just seemed like a blasphemy that they'd been born at all, just to end like this.

"And you had the remains tested for DNA? They were definitely the Cullen's remains?"

"There are no Cullen family members left to compare any of them to. No point. I do have a budget to adhere to. DNA testing was pointless. We know who they were. Who else would have been driving the cars that family owned, wearing the jewellery those poor bastards wore?

I just wish we'd recovered Edward's wedding ring.

I wish I had one small token to give Bella when she wakes up.

I understand Carlisle attempting to flee with his family, but he should have let us help. Volturi's henchmen caught up with them."

"Seems such an overkill, killing the entire family. I mean, Carlisle and his wife and their youngest son and his family had nothing to do with any of it."

"Fucking Vollturi is an animal. It's a wonder he didn't wipeout the entire population of Forks."

"But he didn't gain anything by killing all these people."

"He gained revenge, and thats all that matters to bastards like him," Marcus growled.

"How did he react when you confronted him with this latest batch of killings?" Cass asked, imagining the monster had probably laughed to hear his henchmen had killed even more victims than necessary.

"He did look surprised when we told him. He must have assumed some of them would escape, alive. Or maybe he didn't think his minions were capable of doing a proper job. Yes, he was surprised, but delighted all the same. The bastard annihilated an entire family."

"Any news on Bree?"

"No. She just vanished. One minute she's on that cruise ship and the next there's no sign of her. Obviously he knew ,somehow, where she was and he had her snatched. Again. He'd done it before, remember. He denies he had anything to do with it either time but every word out of his mouth is a lie. His men got her, and killed her, and I bet we never find any remains at all. If we hadn't managed to keep Riley Biers alive, there wouldn't have been a single witness. That boy held the whole case together. Volturi and most of his palace guards will fry, thanks to that lad."

Bella moaned softly.

"You have to tell her that her father's alive," Cass stated, looking with pity at the girl in the bed..

"How can I? If I tell him she's alive, and I tell her he's alive, then you know they will want to be together, and someday soon we end up with two more bodies to scrape up off the pavement.

Nobody knows Charlie Swan was at the Res. Nobody alive, apart from the Quileutes, and you can bet your arse they'd kill anyone who went looking for him on their land after this. Those people have their own laws. Charlie's one of their tribe now, and they'll die for him, but I imagine they'd kill for him first.

Charlie and Bella are the only two left, and I'd prefer it stayed that way, even if they can't know about one another. It's for the best."

"I guess just telling her that her sweet little daughter's as dead as her husband will be hard enough."

"I remember how she reacted when Edward got shot. It was only a flesh wound but you'd think he'd barely escaped with his life. I guess his number wasn't up, at that stage.

I'm not looking forward to breaking the news to her. I wish she'd stay asleep,and keep them alive and well inside her head."

xxxx

Bella slept on, oblivious, for one more day.

When Cass arrived the next lunchtime, she was laying there looking confused. He was glad Marcus had insisted he would be the one to break everything to her, because he sure didn't want to. He felt like he'd come to know her somehow, over all these weeks while she'd done her Sleeping Beauty impression.

"Hello, I'm Cass Faraday. I work with Marcus."

Bella licked her dry lips and touched her own face with one shackled hand, looking around the room, confused.

He picked up the glass of water on her bedside cabinet and offered the straw to her.

She drank gratefully, and coughed, waving the glass away again.

" I'm Bella Swan, you probably know that, right?" she replied. He almost corrected her, then held his tongue as Marcus appeared at the door.

"Bella, finally you have returned to the land of the living," Marcus said, moving to her bedside and sitting down.

"Marcus. What happened? What did I do now?"

"What do you remember?" he asked, delaying the inevitable.

"Edward," she said suddenly.

"What about him?"

"He came to the castle and rescued us. Bought us," she replied, frowning in concentration.

"Anything else?" Marcus asked.

"Sure," she shrugged. "He left me. He hates what I did. He said I risked everything."

"And since then?"

"Nothing. A few texts and phone calls but we always end up fighting so we agreed to give one another space. I'm not confident that I can get him back," she sighed, biting her lower lip. "I'm going to see him at Alice's wedding. Maybe we will talk, or maybe he'll just tell me it's over."

"Nothing else?" Marcus pushed.

Bella looked intently into his eyes.

"He's decided, hasn't he? He's gone. He's not coming back."

"No Bella, he's not coming back."

She blinked her eyes rapidly, looking at the blank wall, and Marcus felt useless. He patted her knee awkwardly.

Bella wiped her eyes impatiently, then rallied,

" I guess I don't deserve a second chance. Fuck him then. I can live without him," she said bravely. "I do have a life without him. I have that assignment to start, in the share house."

"Oh, that's all off. We caught the dealer."

"So, what now? And why am I tethered to this bed?"

"For your own safety. I'll untie you if you promise to rest."

He undid the wrist and ankle restraints. Bella sat up cautiously, rubbing her wrists.

"There was an accident, Bella. Aro Volturi blew up a house. Your father's house. You don't remember?"

"Fuck. Charlie's dead? Does Renee know?" Bella cried out in distress.

"Renee and Phil were killed in a plane accident."

Bella shook her head.

"Coming over for Charlie's funeral?"

"No, they died first."

"That just seems unfair. Both my parents are dead?"

"I'm afraid so. Look, that's enough shocks for you today, I'll be back tomorrow and we can talk some more."

"You aren't going to sack me, right? I know I overstepped my duties going into that castle..."

"Bella, there will always be a place for you at work. You will have to heal first and we'll have to promote you to a desk job, but don't worry, your job is safe."

Marcus signalled the nurse, and she stepped into the room and took Bella's wrist, waving them out as the girl collapsed into heart rendering sobbing.

Cass watched on, incredulously.

He stayed mute until they reached the car, then he couldn't help himself.

"That was just fucked up. Why didn't you tell her everything?"

"She's got to digest the news her parents are dead, and she knows Edward's left her. Surely that's enough for now. In time she may remember the missing parts and then I swear, I'll tell her everything. I don't want to be responsible for sending her right back into a coma."

xxxx

BPOV

The counsellor type woman encouraged me to talk, even though I didn't want to. Strangely I was almost at peace with the news Renee and Phil were dead; it was almost as if it happened a while ago and I knew already. Maybe I did and I'd just forgotten. Charlie's death was a raw, open wound.

Obviously I'd been in denial.

The doc explained it was natural to mourn the parent who had raised me a lot more than the one who dumped me when I was a newborn, so maybe that's all it was. I dare say she knew her job.

At the moment my Father's death eclipsed the news that Edward had made his decision and wasn't coming back.

At least he was alive.

It just didn't seem like him, though, to stay away now, when he must know how devastated I am over losing Charlie. I'd thought him a bigger man.

I'd have expected him to be here, when I woke up, even if just as a friend.

We'd had one another's backs for so many years, it just seemed out of character for him to put his pride ahead of my welfare.

I guess it answered the question I'd been asking myself ever since he stopped saying 'I love you'.

At the end of every phone call, even if we'd shouted at one another and been angry, my heart had still stopped beating while I waited to hear those three precious words, but they had never come.

He'd really left me.

Forever.

Once Edward made up his mind about anything this important, that was it.

The end.

xxxx

I sat there looking out the window.

It seemed wrong to be fretting over a man who was alive and breathing instead of spending every moment recalling every happy memory I had of Charlie.

My brain just laid my father to rest, maybe because anything else was far too painful.

He was gone from my life, but not from his own choosing. And that could never change.

Charlie was dead.

I hoped there was a Heaven.

I hoped he and Renee finally had a better relationship than the one they'd had here on Earth.

I didn't really care about Phil, but I never have.

The sun sent it's rays my way and I felt the warmth through the glass, on my skin.

I didn't recognise this area of Boston, but it stood to reason it must be the hospital I'd been to, visiting Edward when he got shot.

It was just that at that time, I hadn't noticed all these trees surrounding it. I'd had other things on my mind.

And this wing must be a newer addition. The room was larger, and the bathroom fittings grander, and more modern than they'd been in Edward's room.

It did disturb me greatly that he'd called time on our relationship, but it wasn't wholly unexpected. I'd really taken the whole engagement so half-heartedly, and been unsure what I wanted.

Then when I had decided I did indeed want the future he'd offered, I'd fucked up. Royally.

He'd left to save himself.

He just didn't trust me any more and he'd decided I wasn't good for him. He'd told me all this himself.

I guess I'd just arrogantly thought I'd be able to get him back, despite my behaviour.

"_Well, Bella, you were wrong. A man can only take so much, then he leaves. He walks away. You should know that by now. Does Riley Biers ring a bell? He walked away from you first. Oh wait,Jake walked before him. Seeing a pattern here? Notice the common denominator? Yes, it's you. Bella Swan. Or maybe you could change your name to Taylor Swift. Write some sad songs about them all."_

I looked around the room.

My only flowers came with a card from Marcus.

It seemed the entire Cullen clan had deserted me.

"I guess they all went on to Edward's side," I sighed as I dropped the card back into the flowers. "Even Rose and Alice. Not that I blame them. They are Cullen's now, or as good as, and I'm the outsider."

It did puzzle me why Jake hadn't sent flowers. There's no way he'd choose Edward over me.

Maybe he assumed I was in one of those comas that lasted for years and he didn't want to waste his money on a flower arrangement that could be dried up and dead before I woke up.

Money didn't grow on trees, for most of us.

I had no idea how long I had been asleep. Nobody was telling me anything, apart from 'don't worry about anything yet. Just get some rest and try to relax.' Like that was an option. The drugs helped.

But I wanted contact with someone who knew me.

If not Edward, if even calling to hear I was still alive was too much trouble for him, then I'd settle for Jake.

I should call him. He would be worried.

I walked to the door and turned the handle.

What the fuck?

I was locked in?

That was unacceptable.

"Hey. Unlock the door. Let me out," I shouted. I was pretty sure it was against the law or against human rights to lock someone up in a hospital.

Unless...

I went back to the window and looked outside again.

Noticed the window bars.

Fuck me, I did recognise this place but it wasn't the hospital Edward had been in. It was the Mental Health Clinic; the Rest Home; whatever they called looney bins in these politically correct times. I'd driven past this place on my way to work for years.

Why would I be here?

Did my parents deaths cause me to have a breakdown?

I'd assumed my injuries were all physical, not mental. Did mental conditions send you into a coma? Or had I done something to cause the coma myself?

An overdose?

The door opened and two people entered. A doctor, minus the usual white coat but still instantly identifiable by his manner.

And a nurse.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Fine. I just need a phone. I have to call my friend."

"I'm afraid that's not possible. Marcus left strict orders that you are not ready to call anyone yet. In time, when you start to feel stronger,I 'm sure he will relent and let you talk to anyone you want to. It's for your own good."

"Keeping me here, isolated, unable to even speak to a friend is for my own good? I need to talk to someone. I'll go insane, locked in here alone with only strangers."

"Nonsense. You know Marcus, and Cass."

"I know Marcus but I can't even remember meeting Cass before last week, the day I woke up. They aren't really my friends. Marcus is my Boss."

"But you have worked with him for years, he told me."

"It's still not the same. We didn't see one another much out of the workplace. He's never even been to my new apartment."

"You have a home here in Boston?"

I nodded.

"I recently bought a new loft apartment. It's amazing. Oh, I wonder if Edward took his furniture back? That would mean I only have the piano and my bed."

"Is that likely?" the doctor asked. "I haven't been informed of anything about him, other than to help you accept he won't be visiting you here. And not to let you convince any member of staff to try and call him for you."

"I get it. I get that he doesn't want to talk to me, even though I don't understand how he could put what I did ahead of my Father's death. It's just so not Edward to be so cold. I guess I hurt him a lot more deeply than I imagined."

"Well, Bella, where's there's life, there's hope. Who knows. Maybe in time he'll come around and consider you two need closure if nothing else."

"Closure," I said with a mirthless laugh. "It's closure that got me into this mess. If only he'd listened to me and not sent me to find Riley. All this could have been avoided. I would not have found Rose, and gone into that castle. I think something bad happened to her in there. Do you know how she is? Or where she is? Has she gone back to Forks?"

"I'm sorry. All I've been told is you have suffered some very sad family losses and you are to stay here until you recover from the coma,and the shock. I'm sure once that's occurred, you will be able to catch up with all your friends and get back on with your life."

I shook my head.

"She's angry with me. Somehow I did something that's made her really upset and I don't know what. It makes sense she isn't here. I mean, if Edward can't bring himself to even look at me now, and be here when I need him, why would Rose?

And Alice is all wrapt up in Jasper.

I'm nothing to them now, am I? They've all moved on. I'll never see them again. I'll never be there to see Tommy grow up. He's such an adorable baby. I was beginning to think …."

I stopped because I knew he was looking at me with pity.

I'd lost my future but not my life.

Once I got out of here, I could return to work, and move on.

I grimaced.

If they kept me here until I was capable of moving on without Edward, I might be here for a very long time indeed.

"Is this a mental ward or a drug rehabilitation center? I've hardly ever taken drugs in my entire life. I mean, I tried a bit of pot, like most students, but I hated that feeling...you know. When it feels like you have a giant air bubble in your throat. I never used it again. But that was back in High School. Ages ago. I'm not an addict."

"We don't use labels here, Bella. This is just a safe place for people like yourself to recover and get some respite from the stress of the world outside."

"But I feel fine. When can I go home?"

"That depends on a lot of factors. Let's just wait and see how you progress over the next few weeks, then we can discuss a possible future date for your eventual release. You've been through some very stressful situations lately. There's no shame in needing some help to cope after all you've been through. And we are here to help you."

He wrote things in his little book, then the nurse offered me two small white pills and I swallowed them down.

"We are all very sorry to hear about your losses. It must be very hard," she said, patting my arm.

I shrugged.

"Those tablets. What were they for?" I asked belatedly.

"Just something mild to make you feel better. Don't worry. They won't affect the baby."

My hands flew to my abdomen.

"I'm pregnant? I'm going to have Edward's baby?"

I couldn't help but smile. Now I understood Alice more, wanting to have Tommy as a piece of James that she could keep after he left her.

My life seemed confusing and out of whack, but hey, I was having Edward Cullen's baby.

He may never want to see me again but I bet he will be back when this precious little miracle is born. He may not want me, but he'll want to see his kid.

That had to be a good thing, right?

xxxx

Cass Faraday jumped to his feet.

"But how? What happened? I was talking to him not an hour ago. Is Volturi behind it? Did he have Marcus killed?"

He swayed on his feet. Where, when, was it going to end?

"Nope,the Coroner suspects a good old fashioned heart attack. He's been under unbelievable stress, what with the Cullen family being killed on his watch. You know he's been questioning how he handled the whole thing.

Whether he should have just had Edward and Bella and Rose in Witness Protection from the start, then their families may have been spared. Not that I agree. A man like Volturi thinks nothing of wholesale slaughter. That family probably never stood a chance.

The day Bella went into that castle she started the dominos falling, and then Edward heading in afterwards on his white charger...they both sealed their own Fates."

"But there was no way Volturi could know Edward wasn't Edward Anthony Masen. There's never been a single photograph taken of the man...I mean, he didn't exist so there was nobody to identify him," Cass argued.

"Cass, don't be stupid. Go Google Edward Cullen; there's a thousand photos. It wouldn't have taken much effort to identify who Edward Masen really was. Aro may be a murderer on a grand scale but he is intelligent. He's run his world wide empire unopposed for many years.

One has to assume he has resources to find out these things. He may not have known who Edward Cullen was at the time of their transaction but eventually he'd have found out.

For God's sake, Bella has a Facebook.

People have no concept how dangerous social networking can be. Someone with her background should never have opened any sort of account that showed happy family portraits of herself and her husband with their kid. These days people use facial recognition programmes to match an image they already have of someone, to find any other photos of that person online. Aro had video footage of Edward and Bella together.

A twelve year old could have found her Facebook for him, even if she hadn't been undercover using her own name.

I think that's what bothered Marcus the most.

He didn't create a fake id for her, because he didn't think it was necessary. He had no reason to, but he still blamed himself.

Anyway, as sad as his death is, Cass, you have to takeover the Bella Swan case."

Agent Molloy passed him the thick file hard copy and the password to his former partner's computer. Then he asked Cass to sign for the box containing the little bundle of jewellery that had been recovered from various body parts of the unfortunate family.

"We are finished with them. You might want to hand them on to Bella. Maybe not yet, but someday, when she can handle having these reminders."

"I don't think I can handle this case," Cass protested. "I don't know her and all I know of her is what Marcus told me. I know she just about fell apart when Edward got a flesh wound. How the fuck do I tell her he's dead, and so is their daughter, whom she doesn't even remember existed so far? 'Hey Bella,you had a kid. Pretty little thing with big brown eyes and auburn curls , but, downside, she's dead.'. Has her Facebook been closed?"

"Of course. Marcus didn't want her seeing those images again before he'd prepared her. It's all here, on this thumb drive."

He passed the small silver stick to Cass.

Such a tiny thing, yet it held the images that would tear Bella apart and make her wish she'd died in that explosion, and yet, they'd also be the only images she would ever see of her dead daughter.

Every single thing the Cullen family had owned had been packed away and put into storage, and their houses sat there cold and empty on the family compound. Waiting for what? Cass wondered.

Would Bella ever want to go back there, and live all alone in the house where she's once lived with Edward and Kristabelle?

"The dog. Don't forget Jakey is kenneled in with the Police Dogs. She'll have to take possession of him again at some point. Poor thing nearly starved to death after they died. Lucky for him that Marcus decided to have all their personal effects put into storage or nobody would have found him."

"How do I handle this? What do I tell her? When? How fast?"

"Cass, just move at your own pace, and try and determine when it's the right time to reveal the whole truth to her. Mind you, now whether you tell her Charlie is alive is in your hands. Not everyone agreed with Marcus about that. Just work with her doctor, and if he thinks she can handle the truth at some point, then just...tell her. Good luck. You are on this case for however long it takes, and are relieved of all other duties, so don't bother coming into the office at all. Consider it a special assignment. It's what Marcus would have wanted."

Cass frowned and put the rings and thumb drive into his pocket, and the file into his briefcase, and left the office,who knows how long for? The indefinite future.

This case was not like any he had ever handled before.

They'd never bothered doing more than imparting the facts to the victim's families, giving them their condolences and shutting the file. Walking away and leaving whatever backlash happened in the hands of doctors or psychiatrists. It wasn't part of their job to worry about how the one's left behind reacted to the news.

But this was different.

Bella was one of their own.

She deserved, and would get, all the help she needed from Cass before he returned to active duty.

The Volturi case was closed, all that remained was for someone to put the needle in the arms of Aro and his men, and let the poisons finish them off. Cass couldn't help but wish it had been his job to that himself.

They'd die too easily, too gently, but still they needed to be eliminated like the filth they were.

xxxx


	29. Chapter 29

**For those who asked, my original fanfic account here is under the name Zosie,and there I promised all my Twi stories would have a HEA for Ed and Bell, if not all the couples. So a Zosie ending is a Happy ever after ...**

With Or Without You

Chapter Three

EPOV

I sat by the window and stared outside. Kristie snuggled against my chest, sighing quietly. Not asleep, just resigned to another day without her Mommy. She never objected to being in my arms, her little head on my shoulder.

I kissed her pretty auburn curls and tried to accept that I would at least always have a constant reminder of Bella's eyes as our daughter's eyes were identical to hers.

Bella had been convinced they would turn green, but I was glad they hadn't, at the time.

Now it did make things harder, because Kristie's eyes even held many of the the same expressions that Bella's had.

Sometimes I couldn't even bear looking into them now. Sometimes when I was feeling particularly sad, it just hurt too much.

Kristie squirmed. She seemed to detect my every mood,and react to it.

I stroked her hair and she quieted again, accepting for now I just needed to know she was safe.

Should I have insisted on having the lighthouse all to myself; just Kristie and me, I wondered yet again?

So many memories.

Every room conjured up images of Bella on our honeymoon.

Making breakfast together with me in this kitchen.

Sharing the shower, and forgetting we were in there to get clean, not to lift her into my arms and hold her body against the tiled wall, and make love to her until neither of us could take any more.

Lowering her back to floor, kissing her a hundred times , tucking her wet hair behind her ears so I could taste her throat.

Even just memories of laying entwined together up in the bedroom, watching the sun rise through the 360 degree windows.

Every single moment had been so precious.

Outside was the same.

Bella, dancing on the beach at twilight, laughing, often naked, maybe holding her bikini in her hands above her head, teasing me.

Bella swimming in the warm waters, and me swimming up behind her, pushing inside her willing body as she leaned her head back onto my shoulder.

Maybe living in this house of constant reminders was a bad idea.

But the main house was no better.

I couldn't even look at the grand piano Mom had insisted was a necessity all those years ago. Not a luxury.

Edward had to have access to all his musical instruments even when on vacation. Most of our trips overseas had ended here, afterwards, for two more weeks of unwinding after visiting exotic locations around the planet.

No doubt my parents assumed I couldn't touch that piano now because it evoked memories of me playing my songs to Bella as she sat beside me, looking at me with undisguised joy.

Actually, it was for a much more basic reason.

Emmett and Rose had developed a passion for scuba diving out on the reef on their honeymoon and for the few hours each day while they had been indulging in that sport, Bella had lain spread before me on top of my piano, creating another first.

Before her, defiling a musical instrument in this way had been unthinkable, but the comment Alice had made about Bella at least having two places to make love in her furniture free loft had made me long to make love to her on a piano.

Any piano.

None of them were safe, and this one here had been used more as a trysting place than to play in the normal fashion.

I had to avert my eyes whenever I took my daughter into the main house and there it sat, mocking me. Daring me to recall the images of that beautiful body waiting for mine to move inside and complete it.

Even the bathroom had been the place where Bella felt Kristie move for the first time, so just going into that room left me shaking with emotion as I remembered pretending I could feel our precious nudger move beneath my hand.

Why hadn't we stayed?

We could have lived here forever.

I had no need whatsoever for an income and never would.

We could have done our monthly grocery shopping trips to a neighbouring island and stocked up. Kristie could have been delivered right here, in this lighthouse. Maybe in the tub.

It had been a textbook pregnancy and birth. There had been no danger to her or Bella. I could have done it myself, or even had Dad come here to help.

I looked up as Alice and Rose approached.

"Good morning. Jaz and Emmett have taken Tom and Josie and the twins to the beach on the lagoon side and I wondered if I could take Kristie to join them for a few hours, and give you a break."

"I don't want a break," I answered roughly. "How many times do I have to tell you people. She's my life now and I never want a break from her. She's all I have, Alice."

"Oh fine. Hover over her and make her scared of the outside world," Rose growled. "Kristie has the right to a normal upbringing, Edward. She needs to play with other children. You never put her down; she's going to forget how to walk, let alone just live without your heart beating against hers. You have to think of her needs first and give her some space. She's not going to fit in that baby sling when she's three, let alone when she's sixteen."

She defiantly unclipped the straps that held my daughter in place and took her from me.

Kristie smiled at a new face, and kissed my sister-in-law's cheek enthusiastically , then looked back at me, worried no doubt that I'd see her joy in getting away from me as a betrayal.

They were right.

She was a child, a human being independant of me, and I had no right to narrow her world down to one little area.

Wasn't it bad enough she may never leave this island, maybe for years?

Whatever happened in the future, even after Aro died at the hands of the state, would it ever be safe for us anywhere else?

Carlisle was monitoring the situation online and had told us the men had been given the death penalty, as they should.

I didn't even care any more for the many women they'd killed, they all deserved to die for killing my Bella alone. For taking her away from me.

Kristie was young enough to forget her Mom and that would be a tragedy but maybe it was a blessing in disguise.

Look how Bella had suffered, knowing Renee was out there, living her life yet not wanting much to do with her daughter.

At least Bella had only left her daughter behind because she had no choice.

It just seemed so monstrously wrong that the one thing Bella feared the most had come to pass.

She had left her daughter motherless.

"Say Bye to Daddy and tell him you will be back safe and sound and he's not to go into a meltdown waiting," Rose said.

"Bye Dadda," Kristie said soberly.

"Hey,Baby Girl, have a great time. Show those cousins how to make a real sand castle," I said, hoping I sounded more enthusiastic and sincere than I felt.

I busied myself finding her sunhat and a towel and Alice graciously waited and took them from me, despite the fact she no doubt already had everything my daughter would need in her own bag.

"This place could do with a Spring clean," a new voice announced as the women walked away with Kristie.

I turned to face my Mom.

"It's not too bad. I tidy up after she's asleep in bed."

"Sure you do," Esme replied, taking out the cleaning supplies from the cupboard. "I believe you if you say you don't spend every moment she is asleep just watching her."

"I can't help it, Mom. When I remember all those nights I lay in bed with Bella, just watching her sleep...I don't regret a single one of them. The only nights I regret are the ones when I did sleep, and wasted valuable Bella watching time."

"Are you sleeping at all?" she asked me gently.

"When I do, it's a nightmare."

"Bad dreams?"

"Worse. Good dreams. Dreams so amazing that when I wake up, I just want to die because they weren't real. I want them to be real. I want my Bella back. But not like this. It's torture. She was just so beautiful last night. I swear I could smell her, and feel my hand on her skin. I don't want to sleep ever again, if that's what it's going to be like waking up to reality from now on."

Mom put the broom down and took my hands, leading me to the sofa.

"There's another way of looking at them, Edward. Your dreams are keeping her alive, and giving her back to you."

"But not like this. I want her really here. I want to tell her how much I love her and how much I've missed her and apologise a thousand times for those weeks I wasted staying away from her that time. What was I thinking?"

"You did what you thought was for the best at that time and you did go back to her. Imagine how you would feel now if you hadn't. There'd have been no weddings and no baby Kristie."

"Maybe that would have been better," I growled.

"How can you say that? You love that little girl more than your own life."

"But because I love her so much, I can't bear to leave her, and because I can't leave her, I can't go be with Bella. She must be waiting for me. I can feel her waiting, wanting us back together again."

"Bella is alive in your heart and nobody can ever hurt her again. She'll never get sick, or get old. She'll always stay young and beautiful, and she'll always, always love you. That kind of love is eternal. You never have to fear for her health again."

"You mean, like I did worry when she disappeared into the castle? And when she was pregnant with Kristie? God, if only I could have enjoyed that pregnancy. It was the best time of our lives. We were so happy and so looking forward to the baby coming to join us. By day. It was the nights that were fucked up. Like now."

"This is different. She's safe now, Edward and that was always your main concern so just be happy and look forward to your nights when you can be with her again. These are a special gift and you know the dreams are coming from Bella. She wants to be with you, too. I don't believe all spirits immediately go on to the hereafter. I think when you lose someone you love the way you love Bella, she chooses to stay around and visit you in whatever way she can. Invite her to do that. Isn't it better to the alternative? Living completely without her?

Her soul has stayed, waiting for your soul to go on with her when the time is right, and you will know when that day comes.

But don't do anything reckless.

Imagine how sad she would be if you left Kristie. She lost her own Mom when she was just a baby, in reality, and there is no way she would want that for her own daughter. Charlie was her everything until she outgrew her need for him when she met you, and you need to be Kristie's."

"Don't worry, Mom. I would never do anything to hurt my daughter in any way. I'll stay until she outgrows me, at the very least. I'd be almost as sad to leave her as I was to leave Bella. Don't ever concern yourself that those cliffs out there could lure me.

I know what I have to do, and that's always be here whenever my child may need me, and she needs me full time right now. Bella always said nobody had the right to bring a child into the world until they were ready and willing to always put that child first, ahead of themselves."

I grinned, remembering what a firecracker Bella could be.

"You know Bella would probably insist on being in a whole different area in Heaven to where you were if you jumped, right?" Mom said, smiling.

"I have no doubt at all. She'd have my halo revoked and make sure I never got my wings."

"Oh, she'd turn Heaven into Hell all right," Mom laughed.

Somehow things changed that day. Having my Mom always willing to talk about Bella, where she was now, as well as things that had happened in our past, made my wife feel closer and more real. There was so much more to her than just her death.

Her life had been wonderful.

I often found myself thinking of funny little things she had done and telling our daughter as I bathed and fed her, or when I tucked her up in bed with me at night for a Goodnight story before putting her into the crib in my bedroom.

Putting her crib down into the bunkroom was unthinkable yet, but I did appreciate Dad's idea of placing a dressing screen from the main house between the crib and my bed once the baby was asleep, 'just in case'.

Some of the dreams I had were very erotic, and no toddler needed to wake up and witness their Daddy rolling around in his bed with his imaginary bride beneath him. Or on top.

Sometimes dream sex is all that's on offer but I'd never agree with what Bella once said; that dream sex could be better than the real thing.

Nothing would ever come close to being inside Bella and I knew I would never move on.

The idea of empty sex disgusted me now, and the thought that Bella could ever cease to be the last woman I had slept with was repugnant.

I'd experienced a lot of sex in my life and knew any future sex would simply be more regrets on my conscience. Better abstinence. It actually felt like my friend now, rather than my enemy.

Mind you, not one single family member ever encouraged me to take a boat and go visit the neighbouring islands for whatever reason.

We sometimes went in two's or three's, but I never went alone.

Emmett actually understood.

He admitted before Rose came into his life, he would have thought me crazy insane to even consider never having sex again just because Bella was gone, but now he understood and said had anything had happened to Rosie, he would have made the same decision.

xxxx

As the days passed, I made a Herculean effort to cut the umbilical cord and let my daughter have some normal interaction with the other family members.

I realised I had been short changing not only Kristie, but also the others. She was all any of us had left of Bella, and they wanted to look after her and play with her and hold her in their arms sometimes.

I'd been selfish.

Esme was heartbroken at losing the woman she'd always wanted to become her daughter and doing things with Kristie helped her heal a little. I loved how they all talked about my wife and kept her alive for her child.

"Your Mommy loved this dish. Have a taste. Isn 't that good? Bella used to cook this for your Daddy if he'd been a really good boy," Esme crooned. Kristie was 'helping out' in her kitchen, wandering from drawer to drawer removing cooking utensils and banging them together mainly, from what I could see.

"Funny, I thought Bella only made chocolate mousse when Edward was a really bad boy,or about to be," Emmett laughed.

Laughing was easier now. At first I'd assumed I'd never laugh again but there were funny memories to recall, and Bella would want us to share them and joke about her, not hole up in some bell tower and sob my heart out.

She knew I loved her more than life and missed her with an intensity that sometimes stopped me being able to breath, but she also felt closer when we joked about some of the things she had done.

It did get cool some nights on the island, and Esme busied herself making little sweaters for the children. She took me by surprise when she proudly showed me what she had made my daughter.

A little purple poncho.

I tried not to react but all I could manage was a grimace and a nod before rushing outside. The poncho had triggered a memory I'd forgotten until now and I cried unashamedly. Carlisle followed me out, putting an arm around my shoulder.

"Do you want to tell me?" he asked.

"Bella...she bought a purple poncho for Renee at a market. We had our hands full carrying cases of fruit and vegetables to the car and so she put it on. We got a little carried away in the car park, beneath that poncho. We'd just reconciled. You know I could never leave her alone. I always wanted to touch her."

I gazed up at the stars in the dark night sky and let my tears run unhindered down my cheeks and onto my shirt.

"I miss her, Dad.I miss her like I'd miss half my body if someone cut it away. I'm not whole any more and I never will be again. It's never going to get better, is it?"

"No,Son, I don't think it will. There's no point me lying to you and saying some day you'll handle her loss because in your case, moving on isn't an option. We accept that and nobody is ever going to push you to try."

"Thanks," I choked. I could not have borne anyone telling me there were other girls out there and maybe one day...

"Edward, now you have realised Kristie is better off if you two have some time apart each day, you need a hobby."

"I can't swim, Bella's always there, just out of my reach. Just underwater,swimming away from me."

"No, I was thinking more of one of my pet charities. Nothing to associate in any way with Bella. Your brain needs some time out as well. I have a list of volunteers who have an hour or so to spare each day who are willing to talk online to bed bound patients who don't get many visitors. It's all anonymous. They won't know who they are talking to. In your position, you can give them some minor medical advice so long as they check it out with their doctor, but mainly just chat to them.

I've had little devices donated to ten or twelve hospitals so far. Not Forks Hospital, that's too close to home, but there's two in Boston. You liked living there. You could give something back. It won't cost you anything but time. Eventually when we buy more expensive devices, they will include a Skype function.

At the moment all you can do is exchange texts, but in time there will be updates to the hardware and there'll be a live chat facility so you can just talk."

I closed my eyes, feeling my stomach tighten and roll and tried to get my eyes back under control. This could not become my life now, crying for a woman who I knew wanted to be with me as much as I wanted her to, but the fact was she couldn't.

I needed a distraction.

This could work. I remembered being tied to that wheelchair while my leg healed and talking to Bella each night on the phone.

For anyone who didn't have a Bella in their life, talking to a stranger may be enough to brighten their lives a little.

That very night I began talking to my first virtual friend. His name was T-Rex and he was in the bones ward of Boston General, the hospital I had been in myself. He was young, just 17, and had been in traction for months. His friends and family had busy lives and made their dutiful visits by day, so it became a regular thing each evening when Kristie was asleep, chatting to T-Rex.

At first we talked bikes and cars, naturally, then Team sports, and finally, late one night when all the other patients must surely be asleep, he asked me about girls.

"There's this girl, right."

"Right," I typed back with a grin.

"She's really hot. Like, really hot."

"Sure. Some girls are just amazing," I agreed.

"Yeah. She's been my _friend_ forever, and some guys say that never translates into a relationship anyway. Is that true?"

"No way. My wife was my best friend for three years before we got together."

"Is she hot?"

"Oh she's very hot."

"How did you win her over?"

"Initially, I was just there for her when she needed a friend. In time, we realised the great love we were both searching for was right there, between the two of us."

"Cool man. And you are still together?"

I hesitated.

"We are. Our hearts beat as one, as they say."

It was true. One heart beat now, in my chest, for the both of us.

" The problem is, we are both, um, untouched."

"I don't see how that's a problem."

"It's a problem because my guy friends tell me the first time they lasted like a minute. And it takes ages to learn how to, um, wait for her before you lose it yourself."

"It's a skill that needs practice, but you will learn everything over time."

"Well, the thing is, she has this friend who is making it obvious that she could teach me a few things. Okay, basically, she wants to teach me how to fuck. I'm not into her but maybe that might be a good skill to learn before I ask my girl out. I don't want to be, like, lame in bed, you know?"

"Oh believe me, if you feel both love and lust for this girl, the sex will be awesome because it will be meaningful. She would not think you going off with her friend first to learn some tricks was a good idea. First times can be a bit awkward and a bit of a fumble, but if you want to make her happy and care about her, no matter how unskilled you are, she will love that you cashed your cards together. You'll always have that."

"Even if the sex sucks?"

"Put it this way, she won't know what she's doing either. It will just happen. It's instinctive. Once you make her feel good and ready first, then she lets you inside her, you will know what feels right and just do it. Ask her what feels good for her, too, btw."

"But it will be so awkward. Virgin on virgin. That can't be good. The blind leading the blind, man."

"You must have friends who have been screwing around for ages and have gotten quite good at it. Would you prefer she went off and learned what to do from one of them first?"

"No way."

"Then don't take up her so called friend's offer."

"Cause that would be wrong."

"Very, very wrong and something you will regret. First times should be amazing and they can only be that if it's meaningful."

"She won't think I'm gay or anything, because I've had the opportunity before but never done it?"

"Why didn't you take those offers?"

" I just don't like the idea of being that up close and personal with chicks I don't know or want to be with as a b/f g/f thing."

"Then congratulations because you are streets ahead of where I was in my twenties even. Sex is fun, but nothing is as much fun as making love to the woman you really love. Learn from me."

"I'm not going to put a ring on it or anything. I'm 17."

"That's okay. Just learn this one thing from me. Once you do something, it stays done forever. You can't change your past. If you really like this girl and sleep with her, even if you break up somewhere down the track, you won't hate yourself. I only regret the randoms, not the relationships. I mean, when I met my wife it was far too late for us to be popping one another's cherry, and that's a shame but we didn't know the other existed back when we both cashed our v cards with our then b/f g/f.

Chances are, you haven't met your One yet, so all I can advise you is, if you are not going to wait for your wedding night, and let's face it, hardly anyone does these days, then only ever sleep with girls you really care for and respect, and treat them well. It's a privilege, not a right, to be allowed inside their bodies. Do it with love in your heart and you will never regret your number, no matter how low or high it may end up, because every one of the girls that make up that number will have been girls you once cared for deeply. If I could make that claim, I'd be at peace with my past."

xxxx

T-Rex was discharged a week later, so our friendship ended but by then he was fully agreeable with my advice.

I looked at the list of patients looking for a chat buddy,but the high turnover rate meant the next two I talked to were only inpatients for a matter of days so those conversations never got past the superficial.

I considered maybe looking for someone to chat to in Boston Private Hospital.

Those patients were more long term, and rumour had it, security was so tight there that many rich and famous celebrities had used the facility to dry out or get clean far away from the Hollywood paps.

I could find myself the chat buddy of a Lindsey Lohan and never know it.

xxxx

Bree seemed to bloom on the island.

She joined us about six weeks after we arrived. Jay Jenks had arranged her 'removal' from the cruise ship she'd been on, and after a reasonable period of time to make sure nobody had found out who had her or how he secreted her from the ship, Carlisle jumped in a boat one day and said he was off to fetch a gift for his wife.

He came back with Bree, who was shocked but delighted that we were all alive.

Jay had moved his practice and now had a new name and worked for the Cullen family alone, so he spent a lot of time sitting on warm sunny beaches admiring the firm flesh of young beach bunnies in between assignments.

Let's just say he considered he had the perfect job.

The story was he'd taken early retirement, 'why not? I can afford it.' and nobody questioned his occasional absences when he 'went to fight with the ex' over some new problem associated with their mythical pending divorce.

He kept tabs on everyone of any interest to Carlisle and eventually discovered that Charlie Swan was alive and well, though so deeply immersed in Quileute tribal life that nobody was aware he had been spared the same Fate as his daughter.

In one way, I wished I could talk to him because there were years of stories he could have told me about Bella and her life before I met her.

Unbeknownst to me, on hearing Carlisle's request, Jay managed to contact Jake under the guise of being a 'famous' psychotherapist who was writing a book about people who survived extreme tragedies in their lives', and encouraged both men to start a anonymous joint 'blog' about their friend and daughter as a way to exorcise the ghost she left behind.

The girl in the blog was named Izzy, a pet name from her childhood, and Jay sent me a web address and codes as a 'birthday gift' about four months after Bella had been murdered.

Innumerable nights I sat there reading each new update.

The blog was on a private site, with numerous passwords but there was nothing a hacker could use, even if he worked for Volturi.

Charlie's entries were rather stiff and formal and very short at first, but he soon mastered the art of writing about 'his late beloved niece, Izzy', keeping up the illusion Charlie Swan was dead.

Jake's contributions were verbose, and tended to ramble on, veering off his main point as he recalled some other misdeed the two had participated in while kids or teens, and I treasured every word.

There were even photos.

Luckily Charlie had removed every personal item from his house prior to it's destruction, so I spent many dark nights when Bella didn't come to me in dreams, watching her grow from baby to child to teenager.

It wouldn't even matter if anyone recognised the blog was about Bella. She was safe now.

Looking at photos of Jake and Bella together warmed my heart.

As they grew up and it became obvious they were sleeping together, by the way their eyes looked at one another and suddenly their fingers barely touched any more and they sat a few inches apart in the photos, as if that proved nothing was going on. The overwhelming feeling I got was simple joy at knowing she had been innocent and happy.

For a while.

Maybe only another man could pinpoint when Jake started cheating on her.

It seemed obvious to me.

He stopped looking straight at the camera lens, but always to one side. And he stopped staring at Bella as if she was the only girl in the universe.

His smile changed, to one quite nervous, no longer sincere.

All the same, the look in Bella's eyes had changed and she looked impatient.

Life in a small town had paled and she was ready to move on and leave Jake behind.

Then came the night the photos of Bella and I, 'just friends and work companions', started to appear.

I was shocked at how oblivious we had both been.

Jake put up short videos of us at various family gatherings that Bella must have sent him, because they were all Cullen get togethers.

I counted the times I said "But you know you love me really" in one seven minute clip.

Eleven times.

And Bella called me 'Honey' or 'Sweetheart' so many times I had clearly been deaf not to notice.

I also saw pain behind her smiles as she was filmed chatting to Jas, but watching me relating various tales of my immoral exploits to Emmett in the background and it felt like a knife in my heart to realise how I'd unwittingly hurt her, even back then, even if she never knew she cared.

xxxx

BPOV

Being incarcerated in this HellHole was as boring as, and I spent hours walking the floor, from window to securely locked door and back again. Got to keep up my ten thousand steps a day.

Gloria, my favourite nurse came in one afternoon when I was reciting times tables out of a desire to just do something with my brain.

"You could try chatting to a volunteer on one of the little iPad thingey type things some rich benefactor has donated to the inpatients here."

My ears pricked up.

If I could chat to some do gooder, maybe I could find a way to use the device to contact Jake.

"Sounds like fun. How do I know who I'm talking to?"

"You just pick from a list of volunteers. I'll show you."

None of the information gave much clue of these people's identification. All I would know was their gender and general age.

My first contact was a complete bust. I guess his name, RovinRandy, should have been the clue but I hit the 'report this user' icon as soon as he asked me for phone sex, two minutes into our first chat.

Seriously? He expected to get himself off from reading my words?

I scrolled the list again and paused and went back a second time.

GreekGod.

Aged 30 to 35.

I don't know why I chose him. Anyone who labelled himself that was either a narcissistic twat or delusional, but all the same, it was a tenuous link of a kind to Edward. Although he didn't know it, I'd labelled him Adonis privately, only to Marcus, when Edward had first joined the Murder Squad.

Whenever one of the agents had trouble getting a confession from any female 16 to 70, we'd suggest to one another that maybe we should send in Adonis and get him to dazzle her.

I know it's stupid but any link to Edward at this point is a lifeline. Maybe I can pretend I'm talking to him and not the real volunteer sometimes.

I saw he'd ticked my box as a possible chat buddy so I clicked on his name and the talky thing immediately appeared. He was online.

"Hi GirlNextDoor, aged 25 to 30," he typed.

"Hi GreekGod. So, fancy yourself much?" I replied. "Naming yourself that makes you look like a tool, btw."

"Well, it gets the chicks in. You, for example. Tell me some safe non identifying information about yourself, Girl"

Oh great. I looked at the clock above the door and wondered if he could beat RovinRandy's record for asking for phone sex.

"Me? I'm a bored to death 20 something locked up in a looney bin."

"Really? How are you enjoying that?"

"Oh it's bags of fun. You should try it sometime. I recommend it. It's a million laughs a second. No wait. It's lonely and boring, thus my lowering my standards to chat with you."

"I'm honoured. What are you in for?"

"The usual. Turning into a raving lunatic because my parents died in an accident."

May as well condense the facts.

"Sorry to hear that. It's very hard when you lose somebody that close."

"Who did you lose?" I typed back. I had a feeling he was one of those types that 'knew' without actual experience. I'd give him an earful.

"I lost my wife. I'm a widower with a small child."

Oh. Shit.

"Sorry to hear that. How did she die? Illness?"

"In a manner of speaking. A very sick individual was responsible for her death."

I breathed out noisily.

"You aren't on Death Row or anything, right? You didn't off her yourself?"

No response.

Great, I got me a Dead Man Walking.

"No Girl, I didn't kill her. She's the love of my life and I'd have died myself if it meant saving her."

"Sorry. You can't be too sure on this anonymous thing here. I could be chatting to Ted Bundy."

"I think they'd have to do a proper upgrade to get you through to where he is now."

"Oh,that's right. _I forgot they fried his arse."_ I looked at the words and erased the latter half. If some sicko offed his missus, maybe he set the poor woman on fire or something. I didn't need to go there.

"So, tell me something about GirlNextDoor. Anything you wish to share."

"I'm 25 to 30, locked up for my own good, and I'm pregnant."

"Congratulations. Do you have a husband/partner/bf/gf to share this happy occasion with?"

"I have an absent BabyDaddy but he'll be back when his kid emerges."

"Is he going to apply for custody if you are still 'locked up' as you put it?"

Fuck. I'd never considered that. How convenient for Edward if they kept me in here indefinitely and handed him the fruit of his loins. I guess this wasn't like those prisons that let the kid room in with Mommy Dearest for the first year or so.

"I don't know. I hadn't considered he could do that. Maybe I won't let anyone tell him after all."

"He doesn't know you are pregnant?"

"Nuh, he flew the coop as it were, before I knew myself."

"Was it planned?"

Tricky. How do you explain you have no idea?

"Well, guys know when they dip their wicks it's always a possibility, right?"

I rubbed the spot in my arm where my contraceptive implant sat and felt nothing. Not even further up and down my arm. Maybe we did plan this.

"But he is your boyfriend?"

"Maybe _was my boyfriend i_s more accurate_. _I pissed him off and he sort of walked_._"

"Did you cheat on him, you naughty Girl?"

"No way. Never. I love him to bits."

"That's a good start. And he loves you?"

"He _used _ to love me. Like crazy. But men have a tolerance level that takes over their hearts if you exceed it."

"I would never give up hope. If there's one thing my wife's death has taught me, it's where there's life, there's hope."

"Let's hope you are right. I'd do anything to get him back."

"But does he deserve your forgiveness?"

"I'm the one who needs him to forgive me."

"So, how do you feel about becoming a Mom? Are you looking forward to it?"

"Oh God yes. Stupidly I used to think kids were a bad idea but my friend has a lovely little boy and just knowing I may be lucky enough to get one just like him makes me long for the day I hold my son in my arms."

"You know it's a boy?"

"Not medically. But I think Mom's know these things instinctively."

"My wife thought she was carrying a boy. She wasn't. We have the most adorable little girl on the planet."

"How old is she?" I queried.

"Um,let's see. I just need to scan the rules. Okay. I can tell you she is 'aged 2 or under' apparently. But not her name."

"Tell me the first letter then."

"K".

"Kimberly?"

"Nope."

"Can she walk and talk?"

"Yes. She did both very early."

"Is she a spoilt little Princess?"

"She lost her mother when she was just a baby. I think spoiling her is obligatory."

"I'm so sad she lost her Mommy. I did, too."

"Yes, you said. Both your parents?"

"Yeah. But growing up without a Mom was rough."

"You didn't miss your Dad?"

"I can't talk about him yet. His death is kind of raw. I just need another three decades to accept he's never coming back."

"I know exactly what you mean. I can't make myself accept my beautiful wife won't come dancing through the doorway ever again."

"You must love her very much."

"I do. As you know, love never dies."

"Well you know what? She was a very lucky lady to have somebody love her as much as you do. We don't all get that type of love."

"You haven't experienced the love of a soul mate?"

"Worse, I'm afraid. I had it and didn't appreciate it and lost it. I treated him badly and he took his love away with him when he left."

"Then he wasn't your soul mate."

"Oh, he was. Maybe I wasn't his, is the problem."

"So,you are going to be a single Mom."

"Sometimes I think the kids with two actual biological married parents must feel like the freaks. So many women are raising kids alone with an absent father."

"It breaks my heart, knowing how wonderful being a Dad is. My daughter is my reason for living since my wife died."

"Then I'm glad you have her. Kylie?"

"No,Girl, not Kylie. I'm not allowed to tell you even if you guess it."

"But I haven't guessed it yet?"

"Nope."

"Hey, what state are you in?"

"I can't tell you that. I'm not where I used to live or where I lived when I met my wife. That's all I can say."

"Come on, God. Aren't you a benevolent God?"

"Not particularly."

"My bf was a God too. Maybe you two hung out together in Greek Heaven."

"Maybe we did. Which one was he?"

"I'll tell you that if you tell me which state you are in. Okay, just tell me if it starts with W. That's fair. Right?"

"So, West Virginia, Wyoming, Washington, or Wisconsin. Why do you want me to be in one of those states?"

"Don't rat me out, but I need to find someone who lives in the same state as a good friend of mine."

"Sorry. I don't. Not in a W state."

"Then nice chatting to you but I have to move on. What are the chances a guy who names himself TrickyDicky is a pervert? Not that it matters if he's in my W state."

"Hang on. You are dumping me because I don't live in a W state? That's hardly fair."

"Look, God. I'm not here to make friends that are of no use to me. Suck it up. Time for us both to move on."

"I could just hit the 'report this user' icon and tell the moderator you are using your device in an unauthorised manner."

"Please don't tell anyone."

"Maybe if you agreed to chat to me again tomorrow night I could overlook your crime."

"Fine. What time tomorrow?"

"How about nine p.m. My little girl is asleep in her crib by then."

"Okays. Later. Give little Kayla a kiss from me."

"Not Kayla. Give up."

"Never. If I have to chat to you to buy your silence, I will guess the name of your kid and you will tell me when I am right."

"I'm not allowed to."

"But you could just tell me each time I'm wrong, as you have been doing, and then just STFU when I get it right. Okay?"

"Fine. Whatever. Goodnight Girl. Sleep tight and be safe."

"You too, Apollo."

"Close but no cigar."

"I don't need a cigar of my own. My boyfriend used to let me borrow his, LOL."

"Goodnight WickedGirl. You should change your name."

"I shall think about it, Ares."

He closed the chat and I smiled.

Maybe I'd done enough for one night. I shut down my device and put it in the drawer.

Maybe I would never find a way to contact Jake, but at least I had a GreekGod to talk to.


	30. Chapter 30

With Or Without You

Chapter 4

BPOV

Gloria was actually in the bathroom with me the first time the baby kicked. Despite being fully recovered and perfectly able to shower myself, she was just following orders and be be honest, anytime I had anyone to chat to was a definite bonus.

She shut the lid down on the toilet and perched there, telling me about the latest scandal happening here in this hospital. A consultant had been caught getting a little too up close and personal with a third rate celeb in detox.

As always, she left out all names and even genders, so I was no more enlightened than the man in the street, but what did I have to chat about?

Why was I even still here? I was taking no medications; had no lasting effects from the 'accident' that had put me here; was most unlikely to go back into a coma, so what was going on? A bit of anonymous gossip was the most interesting part of my day.

"Imagine the money you could make selling all secrets of the patients who come here," I joked.

"Apart from this job being the most highly paid of any I've ever done, I respect people's privacy," she replied. "I always consider how I'd feel if it were my life being analyzed and commented on by the media. Though Heaven knows nothing interesting ever happens to me. All they could speculate about is the amount of money I waste on 'age defying' cosmetics. Look at this neck. Does it look ten years younger to you? It hasn't changed one iota by my reckoning and that cream costs me a bomb."

She stood up and examined herself up close in the mirror, shaking her head.

"Enjoy your youth, Bella. One day everyone's saying how you don't look a day older than you did in your twenties, and next thing you become invisible, and men start looking you in the eyes. See, we think we prefer that, but believe me, when your body is suddenly not their focus any more, you miss it."

"Why am I still here?" I questioned as I stepped from the shower stall and started drying myself with a towel.

"For observation," she replied, raising her eyebrows.

"But what exactly are they observing me doing? I pace the floor, I read books, I jump on every meal like it's my last because meals break up my day. I chat on that device to a couple of new volunteers each day and I talk to God at night."

Gloria knew all about GG. I passed on snippets of our conversations, more because they were the only interesting thing in my life now, apart from 'The Nudger'.

"Hmm. It's such a pity you can't see him or at least hear his voice. I bet he's as sexy as fuck," Gloria commented. "And he's a doctor. Nobody else would make the comments he makes, without a medical background. You should arrange to meet him sometime when you get released. He's single and available."

"Single but definitely unavailable. He lost his soul mate. Those people never want to move on. Look at me for example. He's definitely interesting but my heart belongs to Edward, even if he doesn't want it," I replied.

"Oh lookie here, Bella finally has a baby bump, " Glora observed.

I turned side on and looked in the mirror at my gently swelling abdomen and put my hand over the spot where the fetus lay.

I had a creepy feeling of deja vu.

"Oh my God!" I freaked out. "It...kicked. Moved. Whatever they do this early."

Gloria looked at me for permission then placed her hand where mine had been.

"Did you feel it?" I asked.

"Nope, but the Mom always feels the first movements for a while before anyone else can. She's got the inside scoop, as it were."

"No, Edward felt the baby move the same day I did..."

Gloria looked at me.

"What do you mean?"

"I have no idea," I huffed, pulling on my clothing. Sometimes the most random sentences came out of my mouth. Maybe I was brain injured.

xxxx

Cass was doing my head in.

For weeks now I'd be sitting on a chair immersed in some classic novel, and I'd look up and there'd he'd be.

Just standing at the doorway silently, looking like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Whenever I asked, he'd shake his head and say "This isn't the right time," and he'd blather on about how pleased he was with my weight gain, or was I taking my iron supplement?

"You are not my doctor. Just say it. Out loud. Obviously you have something to tell me."

Today, it seemed, was finally The Day.

"First off, I'm sorry to tell you that Marcus is dead."

xxxx

"Marcus is dead? Marcus is dead."

Even repeating it multiple times couldn't make it seem real. But it did make more sense than what Cass had originally told me to explain his sudden absence..that Marcus was 'on assignment'.

The man was The Boss; he sent other people on assignment, he didn't go himself.

"When did he die? How did he die?"

"It was weeks ago now. Months really. He was very stressed and he had a heart attack. Dropped like a stone, the men who were with him said. He wouldn't have felt a thing."

"And you lied to me because?"

"You were coping with so much stuff at the time. Bella, I took over your case and I need to tell you something else quite shocking. The doctor says you have recovered really well and you can handle the truth."

"That Marcus is dead?"

"That Charlie is alive."

"What?"

I looked at him in complete disbelief.

"Marcus told me Charlie got blown up in his house and Aro was behind it."

"Aro did blow up Charlie's house, that much is true. Charlie wasn't home. He was down on the Res with Sue, his wife."

"Charlie is married to Sue? Wait, Dad is really alive?"

My head was spinning.

"He is alive and yes, he married Sue. You and Edward were attendants at the wedding."

I sat down on the edge of my bed.

"I don't think we were. I know I've lost time but I would remember that. That would mean Edward came back."

"Edward did come back. The doctor removed this when you were first admitted."

He handed me a small box. I opened it. My engagement ring was inside. I lifted it out and part of it fell onto my lap.

"How did this break?" I asked crossly.

"It's not broken. Edward had a second engagement ring made to curl up around the first ring."

I nodded and held up a second thin curved band.

"And this?"

"Is your wedding ring."

"Edward married me?" I said in disbelief. I slipped the three rings onto my finger.

"Funny story. He married you twice. Once in a Registry Office because you two couldn't wait for your assignment to end, and then again at home, at the Cullen Estate I believe."

"So, let me get this straight. You have sat here in this room for months, watching me cry over my father, and you knew he was alive?"

He had the grace to look embarrassed, and he reddened.

"And now you expect me to believe Edward and I are married, yet he has not called, or visited, or even written a God damned letter since I got here?"

"Bella. Edward is dead."

"Edward is dead? What, you guys mistook him for Charlie?"

"His entire family was wiped out by Volturi. Carlisle and Esme and Edward, and your daughter Kristabelle were in one car."

"Christabel?"

"K.r.i.s.t.a.b.e.l.l.e. Emmett, Rose and their twins were in the second car, and Jasper, Alice and their two children were in the third. The cars exploded and fell off the cliffs at La Push into the sea."

He was making too many glaring errors. Alice and Jas only had one child: Tommy.

I looked at the doorway, where the Doc and Gloria stood, armed with a large needle no doubt full of happy juice, or else a sedative.

"I don't know why you are saying these things. They aren't true. I think I would know if I had a daughter. And Rose has twins?"

"Twin boys."

"Did I by any chance carry them for her?" I asked. The one thing that might make sense was if I had done that. I can't explain why, but sometimes I dream I was pregnant with Rose and Emmett's baby.

And the obstetrician who came in to visit me called me a multigravida. Which, he explained, meant I had given birth at least once before.

"Fuck. Twins. Emmett's twins. They must have been enormous. How am I still walking?"

As far as I knew all my ladies parts were fine.

I mean, the doctor never said I had ten inch scars or anything down there and I sure as Hell would have had I given birth to Emmett's monster twins.

"Do you understand what I said? I'm so sorry to tell you that Edward and all his family are dead."

"I heard you. My 'husband' and my mythical daughter and all the rest. But Charlie's alive and Marcus is dead. Gotcha."

"Bella, are you okay?"

"I'm confused," I admitted."I can't workout why you are saying this stuff. It's not true so what's your agenda? Am I rich? Do you have a Power of Attorney and can access my money while I'm in here? Nothing makes sense."

The Doc cleared his throat.

"Actually, Bella, when you were first admitted, you were unconscious so Marcus was able to authorise all of that but since he died, we need you to sign some papers, saying Cass is now able to represent you."

"Oh I'm sure he would like that very much. Where is my debit card and how much is in my bank account?"

Cass reached into his wallet and handed me a black card.

Isabella Marie Swan Cullen.

Oh good, I kept my own surname as well as taking on Edward's. Good for me.

"There's $735,000 and change in the account. Nobody's touched a penny."

"And where did that money come from?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. This did not fit in with my suspicions.

"Edward bought out your share of the loft apartment and gifted it to Riley Biers. That was $250,000. The rest is from a regular transfer from your husband's...Edward's account. Your pin money. He paid it in weekly."

"Wow. I could buy a lotta pins with that. Why so much?"

"I guess because he could afford to give you that much. You have made some withdrawals. At a baby boutique, several times, and then you donated $50,000 to each a homeless shelter, and a dog's rescue center. The one where Jakey came from, I believe."

Okay, I did often donate to both homeless shelters and dog's homes but we are talking ten, maybe twenty bucks a pop here.

Fifty at Christmas.

"Bella, the consent form has nothing to do with your finances. It just let's Cass authorise your continued hospitalization," Gloria said. She looked at me and winked. "In fact, without it, you could simply sign yourself out any time you chose to."

"That's good to know, thanks," I replied. "Now could you all go away and leave me alone. I need to think."

The Doc took my pulse and frowned, then took the needle from Gloria and stuck it into my upper arm.

"This will help you calm down and sleep."

They all left.

Apparently Cass thinks I'm deaf as well as gullible. I heard him request I was kept on suicide watch.

Like I would kill myself now that I had the keys to the fucking door.

xxxx

I paced the floor, unable to get a handle on what the fuck kind of game Cass was playing. The only possibility I could imagine from all the crap he had told me was that maybe Marcus had put the entire Cullen family into Witness Protection. That was entirely possible, and maybe as he had died so suddenly, he had never told Cass.

I didn't even consider it possible that the family was dead.

That would be ridiculous.

If Aro had targeted them, why not strike when I was with them and wipe us all out in the one go?

There was one niggling worry.

In the past when we had extra special witnesses to protect, Marcus went 'off book' and didn't record any details. He never trusted that the entire police department was trustworthy. He always said every tree had a few bad apples so it stood to reason some of the people with access to WP records had to be bad cops.

He trusted me, and Edward, and himself so often we three were the only ones who knew where some VIP was located.

Of one thing I was sure.

If he'd hidden the Cullen's he would have left no paper trail.

Tomorrow I would discharge myself and go home to Forks, and see if Charlie's house was still standing.

And I'd ask the locals if anything had happened like Cass claimed. The entire population of Forks knew if you had a fight with your partner, they would definitely know if any cars exploded into LaPush.

And speaking of LaPush, I'd go see my old friend Jake and find out if Charlie was alive, or dead. I had no idea either way.

xxxx

My little device pinged and I remembered the time. Somehow thirty minutes had passed since Cass had tried to convince me his delusions were real. It was nine p.m. I was drowsy.

I shook myself impatiently.

"Hey Girl. How was your day?" GG had typed. "How many W residents have you annoyed now?"

We'd talked every night for weeks.

By day I chatted with a vast variety of people but nobody from Washington State sadly.

Evenings were permanently reserved for GreekGod.

It did freak me a little how close we seemed to have become in such a short time.

"Hiya, God," I replied. "Another 4 wastes of space. Still nobody in Washington."

"Aha. Washington, is it?"

Ooops.

"Maybe."

"Are you okay? It's not like you to drop the ball."

"I'm drugged up. How's Kirsten?"

"Nope, not Kirsten. How are you?"

"Oh God, my day has been so fucked up. I'm starting to believe I dreamed it up, and maybe I do belong in here permanently. Is it possible that everything is true? Is it possible that there isn't anything sane or normal at all?"

"What's happened?"

"My Guardian I guess you would call him, told me so much stuff but it has to be lies."

"Like what?"

"That my Dad is alive. That my husband is dead. That I have a daughter. I don't remember having a daughter."

"Wow. That doesn't seem like something someone would forget. Where is she? Maybe if he brings her in you will recognise her."

"Not possible."

"Is she a long way away?"

"He says she is dead."

"What? Was your Doctor there when he told you this?"

"Yeah, but he already told me he only knows what he was told when I was admitted, and nobody mentioned a daughter, dead or otherwise."

"Well, doctors can tell if you have given birth before."

"That's the thing. I have. But I think I surrogated for a friend."

"Well, there would be records."

"Would there? Interesting. How would I find them?"

"It may be easiest to check for a birth record and see if you have a daughter first."

"Could you help me?"

He didn't respond for a while. Just when I was about to close down and go to bed, for the last night here, the device pinged.

"I shouldn't. But I do have internet access and you only have restricted access. I'm just considering all the possible repercussions if I help. Are you sure you can handle whatever I find out for you? Either way? Maybe you do have a daughter, but if I find her Birth Certificate, it may be linked to her Death Certificate. Can you handle that?"

"Let me sleep on it. At the moment I think I could, because I have no connection at all to her. I know that sounds cold, but if the trauma of what I went through wiped all memory of her from my mind, then it won't hurt if I find out she is dead, right? It'll be like finding out a character in a book is dead. She isn't real to me."

"But the shock might trigger a memory."

"I'm willing to risk it."

"You'd have to break so many rules. I'd need your real name and your bf's and your supposed daughter's name."

"I can't remember her name! It was something that sounded sort of made up, not a regular name. Or a common name spelled in an uncommon way. Not the sort of name I'd choose. But my husband may have named her. I know it will get me banned off this thing but I have to know. Are you willing to cop whatever fallout might happen for helping me?"

"I can handle it. I don't plan on telling anyone."

"Well I'll never tell anyone either."

"And if I do find out what you want to know, you have to agree to have your doctor on hand when we next talk, in case you need him."

"Fine."

"Are you tired?"

"Drowsy from the drugs."

"Then log off and go to bed. We'll talk tomorrow."

The name appeared in my fuzzy brain.

I typed it out.

"Kristabelle."

I logged off.

xxxxx

My dreams that night were totally fucked up. Maybe it was the drugs.

It started off at Rose and Emmett's wedding.

Emmett was standing at the top of the aisle, looking nervously at Rose, then he morphed into Edward, who was grinning like a crazy man, and I realised I'd gone from being bridesmaid to bride. Luckily Alice had dressed me in a silky white frock that could easily double as a wedding gown.

Even though we were inside, the building had no roof. The sky was a blaze of bright colours; red, green, blue, yellow, purple; like it was made up of panes of stained glass.

Bree was there, but she had two kids. A boy and a baby girl.

Yet she was still fifteen or so.

A small coffee skinned baby with a dreadlocks to his knees was singing "Are you going to go my way?" as he handed me the rings.

"I'll just set the coffee machine up," I explained to Edward, and ran up a pink twisty staircase.

Edward was upstairs ahead of me and he pulled the dress from my body, but now it was a towel.

"You look beautiful," he said, then closed the door in my face.

The wall between us disappeared. Edward smiled and pulled me into bed, kissing every inch of me.

"I love you so much."

I walked to the window. It was snowing outside and a blonde girl was stripping off her clothes, calling out to Edward that he had to pay her some attention. He went to the window and reached outside, then turned to face me, handing me Jakey.

The dog licked my face.

We were back at the wedding.

I think I was pregnant.

I think I carried a baby for Rose.

Right from the day I awoke from the coma, I'd noticed the small , silvery striations on my belly and breasts.

A nurse told me they could just be from a sudden growth spurt in my teens, but at 5 foot 4 inches tall with smallish breasts and very little stomach, I don't think that happened. I don't think I had a sudden growth spurt in either direction.

"Or from a pregnancy," she'd added.

The doctor had confirmed that was the case. I wished I could remember the baby. Or babies.

Though why I carried Rose's baby is a mystery.

I tried to force myself to remember handing the baby over but that resulted in a nightmare where I tried to give her the baby and she took it into a clinic. I woke up screaming.

xxxx

"Bella, wake up," Gloria urged, shaking my arm.

"I had the baby; not this baby, the other baby...not twins, they ...it...wasn't twins. I don't think Rose wanted to keep it. Why did I carry if she didn't want it?"

"It was just a dream. Listen to me. I just overheard a conversation between the doctor and Cass. He's getting a Court Order to have you kept in here indefinitely. That can't be done until morning. The only window you have to signing yourself out of here is now. I just happen to have the necessary forms on me.

Do you have somewhere you can go tonight? Somewhere local?"

I racked my foggy brain.

"I do. I have a friend who would let me stay over."

Riley owned the whole loft apartment, apparently, but I didn't sense we'd parted acrimoniously.

"Sign here, and here. I'll call you a cab. Put this on. It's clean. I only keep it here in case I ever get the urge to hit the gym on the way home from work but that's never happened."

I quickly dressed in the sweat pants and sweater she handed me. We were much the same size. Even her Chucks fitted, more or less.

We both packed everything I owned into a bin liner, and she led me out through a maze of corridors to a back door. There amongst the trash cans and Medical Waste bins, stood a taxi.

She shoved a couple of bills at the driver and told him to do this trip off the books, and to forget it ever happened.

He agreed readily, so she must have tipped him well.

I tossed my bag onto the back seat and turned to thank her, for everything.

"Be safe," she urged. "Call me if you need anything but do it from a callbox and say you are my sister, Meg. Good luck, Bella. Let me know once it's born, whether it's a girl or a boy."

I returned her embrace and made a decision.

"If it's a girl, I'll name her after you."

"Then I hope it's a boy. No sweet little girl needs to be burdened with such an old fashioned name. What will you name him?"

"Edward, of course," I replied.

xxxxx

I had no problem recalling my earlier address and the driver dropped me at the beginning of the street next to mine. I didn't need him to see exactly where I was headed.

Felix answered the door when I pushed on the bell.

"Well, if it isn't the dear departed Bella Swan. I knew it. I didn't bother wasting any money going to your funeral in Washington. What's the Golden Rule? No identifiable body..."

"Then they aren't dead," I replied with a grin.

"I knew you were undercover and needed someone to think you were dead."

He looked around the street in both directions before pulling me inside and locking the door again.

"I guess you want the key to Emmett's bedsit."

"Sure," I decided instantly. It would be best to keep Riley out of it.

"A man will probably come looking for me in the morning."

"Don't worry, Bella. I'll take him up to the loft and be as confused as Riley will be about how you could possibly be here, with you being dead and all. Nobody knows or cares who owns Emmett's place. I think they assume it's some sneaky husband's hook up joint. I will forget it exists. Now, you need some basics. I'll fetch you some proper food in the morning but take this for now."

He removed milk from his bar fridge and a box of teabags and a small plastic container of sugar from his own supplies, and added a plastic packet with two brightly iced donuts left inside to the mix.

"I could marry you for this. I'm seriously considering it." I informed him. "You have no idea how long it's been since I last tasted anything remotely related to junk food."

He blushed and grinned.

"I have a feeling your husband may not allow that. He's not dead, either, right?"

"Of course not. I'd know if he was dead," I informed him.

He carried my makeshift luggage up to the apartment and unlocked the door.

"Crap," I said with a sigh. "I think Emmett bought his pull out sofa in the same shop as where I got mine."

"Use the bed," Felix suggested. "I'll bring you up some clean linen from one of the rentals. Just in case."

He carried through with his promise and made the bed up for me while I stood under the shower, and felt warmed through by how at home I felt.

This was 'our place', more than any other. I could almost feel Edward waiting for me to emerge from the bathroom so he could cook me a meal.

Felix had gone but the jug was freshly boiled and a cup set up with milk, sugar and a teabag.

I sat on the sofa, sipping my tea and munching on a donut while looking out at the street as the city started to come alive in the early morning twilight.

xxxx


	31. Chapter 31

With Or Without You

Chapter 5

EPOV

I sat there staring at the last word Girl wrote before she logged off.

Kristabelle.

Was she still guessing my daughter's name? Then why hadn't she waited to see if she was right? I reread our conversation. The only other way to look at it was that Kristabelle was the name of the daughter she had forgotten.

What were the chances?

I Googled my daughter's name.

**"Popularity of Kristabelle**

**Kristabelle is not a popular first name for women and an equally uncommon surname or last name for all people."**

Just as I had suspected.

I'd deliberately spelled our daughter's name that way so she'd be unique. Maybe she would run into the occasional 'Christabel' over the course of a lifetime but it was a name used much more in England than here.

I paced the floor, wondering what it all meant.

The idea that someone up above was watching over me and had made Girl send me this name to shock me into admitting I felt a kind of connection to her was too far fetched. But what did it mean, then?

The chances she'd stumbled upon the correct name for my child was wildly remote. Maybe if I'd named her 'Jane' or 'Kate' it would be plausible. Could it be possible that she knew who I was, all along?

But even if she knew me, we had only used the full name on the birth certificate. Bella had thought it too pretentious and had insisted if I was getting my own way with the name, then I had two choices; Kristie or Kris.

Just like she refused to answer if anyone called her Isabella.

Bella and Kristie.

Kristie and Bella.

I could hear someone walking around outside.

"Mom?" I called quietly at the lone figure in the darkness.

"I'm okay. Just having one of those 'Bella' nights. You know how it is."

"Sure. Could you do me a favour and sit with Kristie for an hour or so? She's safely tucked up in her crib. I really need to clear my head and think."

"Of course. She's the next best thing to having Bella here with us. I'll try your trick and just watch her sleep."

I shut the door behind me and strode off towards the cliffs. Something was happening. I had no idea what but I suddenly felt buoyed up with a sense of hope that had long been absent in my life.

"Fuck, tell me that I'm not falling in love with a stranger. I know so little about her and anyway, I could never love anyone else but Bella. So why do I spend all day waiting impatiently to chat to her? Is it possible I'm moving on?"

The very idea made me sick to my stomach, but there was an excitement there as well.

"It wouldn't mean I love Bella any less. I'll never forget her. Some people do manage to find another partner, regardless of how much they loved their first."

I didn't kid myself that even if these feelings were real, that Girl and I could ever have anything as amazing as what I shared with my Bella, but I was weary of living my life under a thick, ever present cloud of sorrow and despair.

I kept remembering Charlie saying if only he'd got his head together and remarried someone else; someone 'good enough' when Bella was a baby, how much better life would have been for both of them.

Of course, the truth is that when I do meet Girl, we may look at one another and be completely unmoved.

Maybe she was six foot tall and blonde.

She kind of came across as a feisty little redhead.

"Just like Bella did," I exclaimed. I'd never worked out how she had missed out on the red hair because when she lost it, there was no redhead in town who exploded like Bella did. You never had to worry maybe you were in her bad books; she let you know loud and clear.

"I get it. She reminds me of Bella. Possibly not as much as I think, but there are definitely similarities."

Like the way she said 'offed' instead of killed. We both said it, but I'd picked up the habit from working with her.

And the way she rallied no matter how many knocks life served her.

I remembered how, even when devastated that I'd left her, Bella had been there for Rose.

And while it had taken time for the seriousness of what she had done to hit home, she'd never considered killing herself just because she thought she'd lost me.

Girl seemed to be made of similar stuff.

All these deaths and confusion but she wasn't bowled under.

And either she was psychic and had picked Kristie's name out of my brain or possibly we shared the same taste in unusual baby names.

I bet she didn't plan to name her coming baby son 'Edward'.

Maybe she was 'one of us'.

Bella loved explaining soulmates to anyone who'd listen. There are seven Souls in a Soul Family. It could be that Girl was Bella's cosmic sister, and that was why I was intrigued with her. It wasn't my time to go yet, so as some sort of mild compensation for losing my soul mate, I was being pushed towards another member of our Soul Family.

She clearly loved the boyfriend or husband who had deserted her, so maybe if nothing else, we could support one another for a time and be friends.

Why did I feel a pang of disappointment that it may never be more than that?

I guess I want to live again, and if being with someone 'good enough' can keep me out of the dark place, then I owe it to my daughter to try.

It's a proven fact that those individuals who live with a depressed person are far more likely to fall into depression themselves and I would not do that to Kristie. Better she had a normal life with a nice enough stepmom and not mirror her mother's life of feeling constantly bereaved. I had proved I could co-exist with a woman I barely had anything in common with when I lived with Rose. I almost married her, thinking that what I felt for her was all there was.

I could live that way now, because I would never have the expectations of finding My One.

I'd found her, and she would want me to put Kristie first and do everything I could to give our child a normal upbringing.

If things didn't workout with Girl, then I'd have to rethink, but I was determined now to find a woman who could love us both as a package, whoever she may be.

I heard the shrill of the electric jug and went inside.

Esme was putting out cups and making coffee for us both.

"It's not like either of us will sleep anyway, right?" she said. She pulled one of Rose's famous cheesecakes from my fridge and cut chunky wedges that were easily a double serve, for each of us. In my opinion, Rose's skill at making cheesecakes was her very best asset and she knew it. She liked to remind me of why I had been with her in the first place.

It was kind of funny, because one would expect her to demand men wanted her for her face or body or just for the bedroom gymnastics, but no. She liked that I'd always been a pushover for her cheesecakes.

"Well, do you want to talk about Bella?" Mom asked, taking a mouthful of the creamy dessert. "My God, Rose is an expert when it comes to desserts. I think she could have hooked Emmett on her cooking skills alone."

"Actually, I want to ask you a favour. I need you to look after Kristie for a few days, maybe a week."

"Why? Are you very depressed?" she asked worriedly.

"No. Just the opposite. I'm going to Boston."

"To look up an old friend?" she asked.

"Nope. To meet a new one."

Mom froze.

"It's okay Mom. It may be nothing. But there's this little glimmer of hope that tells me it could be something. You know that I feel some type of connection to one of the inpatients I've been chatting to."

She nodded. "Girl Next Door. I have noticed."

"I need to go meet her face to face and see if it's an illusion."

"Oh Edward," she said through the tears that were coursing down her cheeks, the cake forgotten.

"I have to try, Mom. And it feels like time, in the respect there will never be a right time. There'll never be a time when I feel it's right to move on, so why not now? What am I waiting for? My feelings for Bella will never change or go away so waiting some 'sensible' two years or whatever is pointless. Why should Kristie grow up without a mother figure in her life because my heart and brain are frozen in time? I'll never be ready, so why not try now? I will grieve forever but I have to live at the same time."

xxxx

The next morning I said Goodbye to each family member on the island's private jetty and held my daughter in my arms for the longest time, kissing her head a dozen times.

"Okay, time's up. Wave to Dadda, Kristie," Rose ordered, taking my child from my arms.

"You are really doing this?" Emmett said in wonder.

"Emmett, in truth I have no idea what I'm doing. I may get to the airport and decide it's all a bad idea and come back home,"

"Don't you dare," Rose replied. "You have to do what Bella would want you to do. Now, remember, looks are not important. Personality is everything."

In other words, don't you dare bring home any woman who outshines me ever again.

"I hear you, Rose," I laughed.

I have always loved the speed and freedom a speedboat gives you, and I stood up and let the wind ruffle my hair. Maybe I should get it cut. Maybe I should shave.

Get rid of the beard.

I laughed.

"Maybe keep the stubble."

I had no idea why this Girl was doing this to me, but it felt like I was being pulled toward her like a magnet.

xxxx

BPOV

Felix rushed upstairs and pounded on my door the moment Cass left.

"I did it. I headed him off. Luckily I remembered all those friends you made when you were undercover busting the dealer. Siobhan and Laurence, was it? I gave him their address and off he went, like the well trained puppy that he is."

"Those names don't ring a bell," I admitted.

"Really? Not even Siobhan? She carried twins for Rose and Emmett last I heard. How could you forget that?"

"She did? I didn't?"

"Bella, you were preggers with your own kid. Can I ask? Did you just eat all the pies or are we going to need that Porta-cot someday in the future?"

"I am pregnant," I admitted. "You met Kristabelle?"

"Oh. I thought her name was Kristie. Yeah, I met her. At her naming ceremony. Thanks for noticing I was there."

"It's the head injury," I explained. "I was in a coma for weeks. My memory still has some gaps."

Yes, and the Grand Canyon is a little hole in the ground. How could I forget my own daughter? So, Cass had not lied about me being married and having her. But he must have lied about her being dead.

I was sure I was right, and Marcus had hidden them so well that nobody knew.

But if only he and the Cullen family knew where that was, and they thought I was dead...

The only way Edward would stay away from me was if I was dead. He swore he'd never leave me again, not ever.

So where the fuck did I start looking?

"What are your plans? You can stay here for as long as you like. Emmett and Blondie never come here now. I'm sure he won't care if you live here."

"Thanks. I may be back, but tomorrow I'm booked on a flight to Seattle. I have to go back to Forks and find out what anyone knows."

"Then I will drive you to the airport. No arguing."

"I have to do a little shopping first," I admitted. I had one borrowed sweatsuit and a bunch of nighties.

"I'll come with, and keep a lookout. Nobody shall get to you on my watch."

"Aro's safely locked up, I think I'm safe," I replied.

"Actually, they transferred him and his crew to Texas. He'd committed similar murders there in one of his other Palace's and as you know, they like to fast track executions in that state. They are all gone. You missed all the excitement. Someone even tried to get it beamed live on tv but the Governor wouldn't allow it. Pity."

"So, they are all dead? That's good news. Come on, we have to shop. And you have to tell me if the clothes I choose make me look ridiculous. I shall stick to the WWAB mantra but it will be hard work working out what fits into her narrow range of allowable garments."

"WWAB?"

"What Would Alice Buy," I explained.

xxxx

I have no idea if I got it right but I was pregnant and people make allowances for Pregnant Brain Syndrome. It was as good an excuse as any. I got maternity jeans and loose tops and nobody could even tell I had my little Edward bun in the oven.

He seemed to like me in blue. Whenever I tried on anything in that colour, he moved.

I chose to interpret it as approval.

I even found a beautiful loose floaty dress in the softest ice blue gauze, and just looking at it in the store window made me realize Edward would love this dress. Easy access, a long skirt to hide my legs from all other men, and it was his favourite colour.

I cringed at the price tag but bought it anyway. Why not? I was loaded.

Felix carried my bags and insisted we stop regularly to drink tea and eat snacks so my blood sugar wouldn't drop but luckily he had no idea of the allowable foods in pregnancy. Unlike Edward.

I didn't eat anything dangerous but I'd be lying if I said I stuck to foods which were the highest in nutrition for the calories.

I paused.

So, Edward had regimented my eating when I was pregnant with Kristabelle? I hadn't known that until now. God, I bet I was a mouthy cow when he took away my tea. I could imagine him forcing me to drink some of those hideous herbal brews.

"God."

"What?" Felix asked, confused.

"I forgot God."

"Well, Bella, I didn't realize you were religious but I'm sure God hasn't forgotten you."

"No. GreekGod. My friend. I never told him I was leaving."

"Do you want to call him on my cell?"

"I don't know his number. Or his name," I admitted. "I don't even know what state he lives in. Not Washington. Or any other W state."

"That still leaves a few then," Felix pointed out. "He could be almost anywhere."

"Damn. I'm really going to miss talking to him."

"That's all you two were doing?" he asked. Men, honestly.

"Yes. Men and women can be just friends, believe it or not."

He considered this.

"Felix, you and I are just friends and we have never wanted it to be more than that."

"Course not," he muttered, turning red and making a show of locating all my parcels so we could go home.

I did borrow his cell. I sent Jake a text, not identifying who it was from, simply saying I was one of Bella Swan's friends and could he meet me at SeaTac and drive me to Forks. For some reason, he agreed. He even gave me the choice of his motorbike or truck.

"Let's go with the rusty red Beast," I answered.

xxxx

When we got back to the apartment building , there was family group waiting in Reception.

A chunky woman with long red hair and pretty blue eyes.

A tall dark skinned man, with dreadlocks, and a baby girl with her mother's colouring and looks in his arms.

And a gorgeous little coffee skinned boy with short dreadlocks to his chin.

He turned and looked at me, then launched himself in my direction.

"Laird!" I screamed in joy, lifting him into my arms and rubbing my nose against his, for some reason.

"Eskimo kiss!" he chortled.

I saw his parents looking at me but my vision faded and instead, it was like watching a video inside my brain.

Rose, walking away through that hateful door with the nurse.

Jade, the spiral staircase.

The loft, all renovated.

The tub near the bed; the windows glinting in the sun.

The snow, the birth, Edward handing a newborn Laird to me to put down my shirt front.

The wedding; Edward carrying me over the threshold.

"I'm nothing if not traditional."

The other wedding. An open coach and horses.

My belly, curved like it is now.

The island.

The lighthouse.

Dancing on the beach.

Edward.

Naked, beautiful, hovering above me, kissing my lips, staring into my eyes as he made love to me.

His lips on my belly, kissing our child within.

Sneaking along the path between our houses one night, my body crippled periodically with contractions.

Edward delivering our own baby girl.

Her little hand covering my mouth whenever I tried to sing her to sleep.

Holding her in the natural light, searching her eyes for telltale signs that they would turn green.

Her hair, shiny auburn , falling in soft curls so much prettier than my own hair ever managed.

Kristie trying to blow out the single candle on the cake with pink frosting.

Sitting on her Daddy's knee, her own fat little sausage fingers trying to copy his fingers as he played the piano.

All of us, applauding, like she'd won the Nobel Prize.

Rose bushes, almost ready to be planted.

Kristie, all dressed up but refusing to go with me to her Poppa's house because she wanted to stay home with Edward.

Angela, coffee, Jake and the flat tyre.

The handle of the yellow jug, broken in my hand.

The blackness.

"Are you okay? Laurent, take Laird off her and make her sit down."

"I remember," I murmured. "I remember everything."

xxxxx

They say a look is worth a thousand words and when I entered the terminal to collect my luggage, Jake Black whooped with delight and ducked under the barricade to get to me.

"Bells, my dearest Bells. Don't ask me how but I knew those texts were from you. I didn't tell Charlie. I feared he might have a heart attack if he found out you were alive. And if it really was just a friend of yours, I'd have gotten his hopes up for nothing and shattered his world again."

"So Charlie is definitely alive?" I asked urgently.

"Oh yes. He's one of the tribe now. He refused to take on a Tribal name so we call him Charlie Paleface."

"Nice, Jake. Now take me home."

"You do know Charlie's house is, like, dust? The site has been cleared but it looked more like there'd been a bonfire held there, never a house. And now it's a little playground, named for you."

"Creepy," I exclaimed.

"Where are they? The Cullen's? Where did they go?"

"I have no idea. Marcus will have hidden them so well..."

"No way. I saw Emmett and his father torch those cars and push them off the cliffs myself. There was not anyone else apart from the family members there. That's why the park is only named after you. Charlie knows your husband and kid are alive somewhere. He knows the Cullen's faked their own deaths.

The only question is, who were the bodies inside those cars? I mean, I'm sure they were dead already. I'm sure Carlisle would never murder anyone."

"So, you saw the whole family? Including Edward and my daughter?"

"Sure. Word had just gotten out that you had been killed so I didn't show myself. Edward was devastated."

"He does think I'm dead," I groaned. "We have to find them. Where would they have gone?"

"Not too far without wheels. I can take you to your house if you want. Maybe they left a clue."

"You like my house?" I said in surprise.

"It's okay. With all his money he could have built some pretentious mansion. But it's homely. Like a oversized English cottage. Stained glass windows. Pretty garden. I've kept the garden nice. I was doing it as a tribute to your memory but this is so much better. Welcome home, Bella."

He crushed me in his arms again, and I kissed his cheek.

It felt good, coming back from the dead.

xxxx

Jacob went inside the pretty little stone house on the beach front of the Res first and warned Charlie and Sue that what they were about to see would seem impossible, but it was true.

My Dad came outside, and finally, we each knew for certain that the other was really, truly, alive.

xxxx

**A/N Sorry for rushing this but I can't shake off the pneumonia and have a feeling they'll toss me back into hospital so I want to finish this first.**


	32. Chapter 32

With Or Without You

Chapter 6

BPOV

Carlisle stood at the gate of my Father's house and just stared, then his face broke into an enormous grin.

"Bella. I can't believe it. All our prayers have been answered."

He strode down the path and grabbed me into a bear hug that would do his eldest son proud.

"You have probably saved Edward's life. Tell me everything."

"Where is Edward?" I replied. "I kind of expected him to insist on coming with you."

"Oh he would have, no doubt at all, but he's away at the moment. Visiting Boston."

"Boston? I was just there," I growled. "I only arrived here yesterday. Jake and I have been sitting on the computer waiting for an answer from you."

"I'm not sure whether to call him or not. He's been under so much stress I fear he could have a medical incident if he hears this news via a phone call. Better we just ask him to come home."

He called my husband's phone and put his cell on speaker mode so I could hear Edward's velvety voice.

"Edward? I was hoping you might have spent enough time away from us now, and that you'd come home as soon as possible."

"Has something happened to Kristie?" Edward panicked.

"No. She's fine. She misses her Daddy."

"I'm booked on the noon flight on Thursday already. It was the first seat available. Is there anything that can't wait two more days?"

"No, of course not. See you then, son."

I kissed the phone impulsively and smothered a giggle.

"Dad? Did you just kiss your cell phone?"

"Of course not. That would be a very unmanly thing to do. Emmett would take away my Man Card."

"He would. See you soon. Kiss the baby for me. You know, a live warm blooded human being rather than a plastic device."

"I shall do as you ask. Bye son."

Carlisle ended the call and ruffled my hair.

"Thanks for that, Bella. Now my son thinks I've gone all touchy feely in my old age."

xxxx

"Thanks so much for coming here so quickly," I stated.

"I knew Jacob and Charlie would never put a message like that on their blog if it wasn't earth shakingly important. And it certainly was. Now tell what happened, and how you escaped the blast? And where you have been hiding."

" Marcus and Cass told me so many lies all I can tell you is what they told me and what we've put together ourselves.

Jake and I were shopping for trinkets to decorate Charlie's late lamented house. My car got a flat. Jacob came back and fixed it so I arrived later than I'd hoped. Jake had called Alice for me and asked her to go and sit with Kristie at our house, so Edward could go on shift.

I'd bought two matching yellow jugs, and filled one of them with wildflowers, then placed it on the windowsill in the front room.

That's when Marcus drove by and saw me.

Then I went out the backdoor to pick more flowers for the second jug. The flowers near the house were virtually all picked, by hikers so I was grumbling about having to walk down the path into the forest, and that's when the house blew up.

I remember falling to the ground and hitting my head. I may have blacked out. Then my ears hurt a whole lot and my head felt like it was splitting open. I wandered around to the front yard, called out to Marcus who was on the ground...and nothing. I woke up weeks later in Boston Private Nursing Facility.

Marcus told me Charlie was dead.

Cass told me Marcus was on assignment, but he _was _dead. Really dead. Heart attack. They kept me hospitalized and finally Cass admitted Dad was alive and the entire Cullen family were dead. Luckily I didn't believe him.

Just thinking now that it may have been true is scary.

I assumed Marcus had hidden you all in Witness Protection. Off the books. I had no clue how to find you all, so I came to La Push to see Charlie and Jake, in case they were missing me.

Jacob told me you and Emmett had faked your deaths in the three cars on the cliff and he saw you all walk off into the night.

He and Dad told me they suspected their blog was more for Edward's sake than theirs, so Jake wrote the message hoping you and Edward would come out of hiding. Are you sure Edward is okay?"

"His life is about to get a whole lot better," Carlisle replied with a grin, hugging my shoulders with his arm.

"I hope he's ready for another kid," Jake said stealing my thunder.

"Bella?" Carlisle said happily. "When did this happen? Edward has no idea. He'd have grieved all the harder if he knew you were pregnant."

"Well, the thing is, I didn't tell him I'd stopped taking the Pill," I admitted. "My period was due the day of the explosion. I guess this nudger is one very determined little baby."

"Or maybe he just gripped on really tightly," Jake suggested.

I looked at Carlisle's beaming face.

"Edward is going to be so relieved to find out that you are alive, I doubt he'd mind if you came home with octuplets in your belly. Oh this is undoubtedly the very best day of our lives. We have all missed you, Bella. It goes without saying that Edward has been a cot case, but Esme has suffered deeply as well. I can't wait to see her face when she sees you."

"Please take me to wherever you guys are living now. I have to see Kristie."

I wasn't sure if I would ever share the news that for months I'd forgotten my daughter existed.

"Charlie? Can you bear to let her go yet? This must have been such a shock for you."

"She belongs to Edward now," my Dad said sagely. "Bella, bring my granddaughter to visit, soon."

It was harder than I expected, saying Goodbye to everyone already but my arms ached to hold Kristie, if Edward was not available.

"Where are we going?"I asked as Jake dropped us off at the wharf, and waved as he went back to his family.

"The island. Where else?"

"I never thought of the island. Of course it's obvious now. It's the best possible place to hide."

My father-in-law updated me on all the progress the various babies had made in my absence but naturally I just wanted more and more news of my daughter.

I couldn't hear enough about how well she was talking now, and how Jasper had taught her to swim in the warm lagoon. I moved restlessly in my seat, thinking about things we had done in that same lagoon.

Wow, we'd have to behave and act like grown-ups now when Kristie or the other kids were around.

Carlisle was getting more and more excited as we neared the island. It was clear how much he lived to make Esme happy. I guess I was one good gift.

He cut the motor and jumped onto the dock, tying up the ropes.

"Take my hand. I can hardly keep myself from running you inside," he laughed as he hurried us both to the main house.

I looked around. The island hadn't changed one bit.

"Edward and Kristie live in the lighthouse normally," he informed me. "She's staying with us this week while he's away."

"Does he go away a lot?" I asked.

"First time. Esme will explain why. Come on, hurry it up girl."

They were all there, except Esme, sitting in the main sitting room, drinking coffee and chatting. One by one they looked up, stopped talking, and froze in turn.

"Bella!" Emmett finally roared, jumping to his feet and heading straight for me. "The ghost who walks."

"Lady with a baby. Take care, Emmett," his father warned him.

"Say what? Dare I ask?" Emmett smirked.

"It's Edward's, you tool," I retorted.

"Hey. It was my idea. I never gave it a single thought, if you'd succeeded or not while you were..." Rose faltered.

"Dead?" I replied. "Rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated, as they say."

"Mine too," she replied, taking my hands and surveying my bump.

"Very nice. Maybe this will put a smile on Edward's face."

"You have told him, right?" Alice asked, pushing in front of Rose to kiss my cheek.

"I've contacted Edward and asked him to come home," Carlisle replied. "That's all. Do not tell him anything if he calls any of you. He's on the first available flight, but in two days time. I don't want him rushing about looking for some dodgy private pilot to bring him earlier."

Jasper walked to my side and put his arms around me.

"Welcome home, Bella."  
xxxx

Carlisle led me outside where his wife sat surrounded by short people. Bree was rounding up small boys like a sheepdog.

I waved and put my finger to my lips, and she beamed, clapping her hands silently.

Kristie was demolishing a garden bed and her gran was urging her to 'be gentle.'

I sat down beside her on the grass and she turned.

"Alice, I..."

Her mouth gaped like a fish.

"Bella. Dear God in Heaven. Is it really you?"

"Seems to be. Thanks for taking such good care of my daughter while I couldn't."

"Are you hurt? Is everything okay? What happened?"

I guess I'd be repeatedly answering the same questions over and over until everyone knew everything.

"Long story. I'm fine. About six and half months pregnant but fine."

I stretched out and my eyes stayed glued on my daughter as she stood there, looking confused.

"We don't get visitors," Esme explained. "She's gotten used to the same small group of people. I'm sure she will remember you."

"Let her be. I want her to decide for herself if she wants to come to me."

Carlisle and Bree gathered up the other children and took them inside and I sat there with the woman who had been more of a mother to me than Renee ever was.

"I missed you all, but especially you. After Edward and Kristie ,of course," I laughed.

"Oh, does Edward know? Is he on his way home?"

"He doesn't know but Carlisle doesn't want him told until he gets here. In two days. He fears Edward may do something reckless to get here sooner if he knows. What is he doing in Boston?"

"Oh. Bella, first please believe me when I tell you he only went because he wants what's best for Kristie."

"And him going to Boston is good for her how?"

She looked uncomfortable.

"He's been so depressed ever since that awful day. Carlisle asked him to talk online to bed bound patients and he struck up a friendship with a girl in Boston Private. He thought there might be some tenuous connection between them, but it's nothing, Bella. He just wanted to meet her face to face and see if they could be friends. He felt he owed it to his daughter to try to find her a possible future stepmom, but I assure you,nothing's going on. He called last night.

She's been released and he couldn't convince anyone to tell him her name or where she lived. They just talked every evening after Kristie went to sleep. Once he knows you are alive and back with us, he'll never give Girl Next Door another thought."

"He doesn't call himself GreekGod by any chance?" I said with a grin. Now I thought about it, everything I knew about GG fitted.

"Yes. How did you know that?"

I put out my hand.

"Pleased to meet you, GreekGod's mother. Allow me to formally introduce myself. I'm his Girl Next Door. He's been talking to me for months."

xxxx

Kristie had been circling us, sneaking up to drop a single bloom onto Esme's lap while keeping a wary eye on me. I knew better than to rush her. When Laird was a baby and strangers tried to grab him and kiss his face,he'd panicked and screamed blue murder. I didn't want that as the beginning of our renewed relationship.

We'd been apart half a year. I could wait a few more days.

She fetched another flower and cautiously tossed it to me from several paces away.

I picked it up and sniffed it.

"Hello Kristie," I said quietly."Thank you for the flower. It's very pretty."

She moved closer.

"I'm your Mama."

"Mama," she repeated, testing the word on her lips.

Esme leaned in and kissed me loudly on the cheek. "I love Mama so much. Mama is our friend," she exclaimed, rubbing my arm and making a big show of affection.

"Mama," Kristie repeated again, looking me over.

Carlisle appeared with very welcome cups of tea and a feeding cup for Kristie. He sat down and she plonked onto his lap and drank her drink, never taking her eyes off me. She pulled the spout from her mouth and pointed at me.

"Mama."

"Yes, that's your Mama," he agreed. When she'd finished drinking, she wandered over toward me and stood a few feet away.

Carlisle leaned forward and slipped a cookie into my hand. I held it up.

"Yum. I love cookies. Do you like cookies?"

I had a feeling this was not the usual sugar laden variety and I wondered if it was indeed a broccoli cookie. I wouldn't put it past Edward to insist his child never ate sugar any more.

Kristie took the offered cookie from my hand and bit into it. Then she broke it into two and handed me one of the halves.

It was a small victory, but very meaningful to me. She didn't recognise me but she was willing to accept my presence.

Later I stood by and watched the children being bathed and dressed in their pajamas. Alice and Rose had the routine perfected so I didn't interfere. Tommy suddenly looked at me with a grin.

"Bella. You are Bella. "

"No," Kristie objected. "She is Mama."

"Bella is Kristie's Mama," Alice told Tommy.

And when we went back down the hallway to the sitting room, Kristie put her warm little hand inside mine.

xxxx

I sat there staring at the sleeping child curled in my lap and finally got why Edward always found it fascinating to watch the girls he loved sleep. I smoothed the auburn ringlets from her face and catalogued the changes in her face and body since I'd last been with her. She was taller, and slimmer, and her face was less babyish and rounded than I remembered.

I regretted all the yesterdays that we had missed out on, but more than that I looked forward to the tomorrow's yet to come that we would share.

Esme insisted I sleep in the last remaining guest room until her son returned ,so I slipped into the small bed beside my daughter's crib, and enjoyed the feeling of anticipation in my belly.

One more night after this night, and Edward would come home to me.

xxxx

It was amazing how seamlessly Kristie and I slipped back into old routines. Esme let the toddler make all the decisions. I was chosen to help her with her breakfast. She wanted Gran to dress her for the day, but then she toddled to where I sat and handed me her hairbrush.

"Mama do Kristie's pretty hair please."

I gently brushed her soft auburn curls and longed once again for Edward. Her hair was his hair, and touching hers made me long to run my fingers through his hair. As I tied up little bunches of curls with two blue ribbons, I guess I sighed out loud.

"I guess it's been way too long to be apart from Romeo," Rose suggested.

"How has he been? Really?" I asked her. Rose would tell the truth and not sugar coat it.

"You know Edward. It's been the hardest thing he has ever endured. Now and then he looks longingly down from the cliff top and wishes he could just jump and end his anguish, but then he remembers how he promised you he would always put his child first, and he walks away. If not for her, he wouldn't have even lasted long enough to come to the island.

Even so, I think some days he wishes he'd been in his car when it exploded."

"The Volvo?" I said in surprise. "Aro blew up the Volvo?"

"Minutes after Edward got to the hospital car park that night. Carlisle went to get him and by luck he didn't drive off the road, just waited for Edward to run over to him, so nobody got hurt."

"I wish I'd gotten to put the lethal injection into his arm myself," I growled.

"No way. If anyone got to kill that mofo it should have been me," she replied."It was my turn to screw him."

xxxx

We played on the beach most of the afternoon and we'd just fed, bathed and put the children to bed when Carlisle came in and pulled me aside.

"Edward got a standby seat. He's due to arrive here on the island around eleven tonight. What do you want to do? How are we handling this? I've told him to leave the baby with us until morning."

"Good. I want to leave Kristie here in the crib and go wait for him in the lighthouse alone. He won't have a heart attack or anything, right?"

"He's young, and fit, and healthy. He should be okay. Forgive him if he bursts into tears. It's going to be very emotional."

"I think tears are inevitable," I replied. But I wanted more than tears. I wanted the hole in my chest to close, and I wanted to feel real again.

Esme and I had cleaned the top bedroom and made the bed. She wished roses grew here so we could scatter their petals everywhere, up the winding staircase, all over the bed, but I felt things could easily get way too heavy if we tried that caper.

I said my goodnights and headed for the door.

"Hey Bella," Emmett called. "Don't let him break all the furniture in his enthusiasm."

"Sorry Emmett, it's going to happen," I yelled back. "You might want to wear headphones to bed. We get pretty noisy at times."

I walked along the sand and wondered if I would be able to avoid having a heart attack myself.

I could feel my heart beating like a trapped bird in my chest.

It was important to make this all about us, but it had to be a happy reunion. I didn't want us to be overwhelmed, and so fraught with anxiety that it felt too much to bear.

Suddenly I knew just what to do.

I skipped over the remaining distance to the lighthouse and headed upstairs.

xxxx

EPOV

What the fuck had I been thinking?

As if I was ready yet to make any kind of contact with other women. To tell the truth, I'd been relieved when the kindly nurse Gloria admitted she knew the girl I was looking for, then informed she had gone. And she honestly had no idea where.

She even refused to give me the girl's real name but I understood. It was more than her job was worth.

"Anything else I can help you with?" she asked with a hint of a flirtatious smile. "Boy,if I was twenty years younger..."

Even if she had been, I was already going ice cold on the whole idea of trying to meet other women. I'd been temporarily insane. I couldn't do this, not even for Kristie. How would I ever cope if I had to actually have sex with some other woman?

If I found my daughter a stepmom, I dare say the woman would expect making love to be part of the deal and I'd never manage.

The wind ripped through my hair. I was tired and relieved when the lights of the houses on the island appeared in front of me.

I docked and tied up, and briefly considered ignoring my father's request that I leave the baby there. But it would mean dragging the crib back to the lighthouse, and it all seemed like too much trouble.

"I just want a shower, and a soft pillow under my head, and to dream about Bella. That's all."

The door was open, so I mounted the stairs, discarding my clothing as I went.

Ah yes. Nice hot water.

Steam filled the room and I reluctantly turned the tap off. Towelling across my shoulders, I went up the final steps and tried to slip naked into bed.

"What the fuck?"

Oh wonderful.

My bed had been short sheeted.

"Very funny, Emmett you douche," I growled into the darkness, pulling the linen free and falling onto the resulting mess of bedclothes. I grabbed my pillow and punched it into submission.

"Have I told you lately that I hate you, you juvenile prick?"

This was not the night to be messing with me. Tomorrow I'd have my revenge but now I just wanted to sleep for twelve hours straight.

The sound of soft small feet on the steps reached my ears.

Great.

It had to be Alice.

Only she owned tiny delicate feet.

I pulled the pillow from my face and looked towards the door.

Bella danced into the room wearing a soft blue flowing dress, her little feet bare as she twirled around.

I was hallucinating?

She did look exactly as I always wanted her to look when she came back to me.

She walked closer and perched on the edge of the bed, leaning in to catch my lips in hers. My hands reached out and enclosed her inside my arms.

She felt real.

She smelled real.

She even tasted real.

Finally she pulled back, and her hand reached up and raked through my hair.

"Hi Honey. I'm home."

xxxx


	33. Chapter 33

With You/Epilogue

BPOV

Edward didn't say a word to me , just leaned his head back against the pillows and closed his eyes. His lips started to move and I could barely hear what he was saying.

"Don't disappear. Stay. Please stay."

"I'm not going anywhere," I replied.

Hmm, it seems while his brain was pretty much in denial and didn't believe what his eyes were showing it, his body certainly knew I was back.

It would probably be wise to ignore his erection and start saying something wise and soothing but Hell, it had been a long, long time and pregnancy plays havoc with your hormones.

I climbed onto the bed properly and straddled his body. Fuck. Okay, I had sort of forgotten how well he was built, but I was very 'ready' shall we say and I lowered myself onto him slowly, gasping with relief as he filled me.

"Yes, Bella, yes," he whispered, his hands reaching for my breasts.

Naturally.

I stripped the floaty frock off and guided his palms over my quite enormous rack, if I do say so myself.

He massaged the girls and although his eyes were shut, a slight frown appeared on his forehead.

"Too big. Bella's breasts fit right in my hand like they were made for me. Make them smaller."

That was a first.

He'd loved my increase in volume when I was carrying Kristie.

"It's a temporary situation. Enjoy it while you can," I advised him.

He nodded.

"I love Bella's breasts. I miss them."

"Well, they are back, lover. Go to town."

He raised his head and shoulders and clasped my body against his own, then lowered his lips to suck on a nipple. The other one immediately pebbled in jealousy.

"Oh God. Yes, keep doing that, Adonis. That feels so good."

After a few blissful minutes, he pulled his lips away with a loud smacking noise.

Darn. I had been enjoying that.

His body started to rock and he held me so tightly all I could do was cling to him and rest my head on his shoulder and go with it, pushing back as he thrust inside me desperately. Of course I knew I was never going to last, it was just too good and too much time had passed since he had been inside me, and I cried out as he took me over the edge.

Dare I resist the urge to clench and go for a second thrill? That would be mean. It had been just as long for him.

I clenched and an inhuman howl left his lips. He stilled, and filled me but then his body shook.

"Don't do this to me. Don't take her back. I need to keep her."

That was not quite what I'd been aiming for.

Tears poured down his cheeks as he released his hold on me and lay back, an arm over his face.

"Edward, no. Don't cry. I'm really here. It's over. Aro is dead. We are alive and I've brought your son home to you."

His arm dropped away and he finally opened his eyes and looked intently at my face.

I smiled and took his hand and placed it on my belly.

Clearly this was not part of the fantasy he had imagined he was involved in.

The baby kicked obligingly and he looked amazed.

"Bella? It's really you?"

"It's really me. And our son."

"But how?"

"Remember all those delicious nights before the explosion? We created a few explosions of our own, and we started another baby."

Stick to the basic facts.

He looked dazed. I had to say something to ground him and not let this evolve into an intensely emotional situation that neither of us could handle.I did fear for his sanity. Time to lighten up and pretend as if I'd been away a week.

"Oh. By the way, sorry about the short-sheeting incident. It seemed funny at the time."

"You did that?"

I shrugged.

"It seemed like something we shared in common. I couldn't think of how else to give you a gentle nudge about me being back. Esme wanted to go with the romantic scented candles and all that stuff, but that was your thing to do for me, not mine to do for you. I owed you a short-sheeting."

"Alice told you?"

"Of course she did. I slept in that little apartment earlier this week. It's not all dungeony at all. It's just got a bed and a very uncomfortable foldout. Nothing's changed."

He lifted me off his body and sat me beside him, his arm around my shoulders then reached over and tucked my hair behind my ears.

"You've let your curls take over."

"Yeah. They don't allow patients access to sharp knives or hair straighteners in Boston Private Nursing Facility. They assume we'd brand ourselves on the forehead or something. I gave up."

"You were in Boston Private?"

"I was. For months. Marcus had me flown there and admitted after the explosion. I was out the back in the forest fossicking for flowers when it blew. I fell and cut my head."

I took his hand and guided his fingers to the scar beneath the shorter patch of hair.

"Feel that? It seems so insignificant but it was bad enough to put me into a coma for weeks. I forgot a lot of things. I forgot Kristie existed," I admitted sadly.

He looked sombre as he stroked my face, then he suddenly grinned.

"You are my Girl Next Door."

"And you are my GreekGod."

"Fuck. And just when you were able to reveal that you disappeared."

"To be honest, I didn't know it was you I was talking to. Sometimes our little chats left me uncomfortably damp, and it worried me because no man could affect me that way but you. I almost felt like I was cheating on my beloved Edward."

"Oh, you captivated me and fucked up my head something shocking. I suspected I was falling in love with you and I couldn't imagine how that could happen. It felt so right yet so wrong. I still loved you with all my heart but this Girl...she intrigued me. Despite myself, I found I was waiting every day for night to fall so I could chat with her again. She was becoming my main focus apart from our daughter. I assumed it was just because I so desperately needed a distraction from those fucking cliffs outside calling my name every time the sun set...she kept me alive in my darkest nights. I fell a little in love with her, I admit it."

"You had no idea she was me?"

"No, but I'm so glad it was you because I felt the same. Like I was betraying the only woman I have ever loved. I knew some people managed to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and find love again after they lost their soul mate, but I never expected to be one of them. And so quickly. I'd figured I'd be old and grey and in a aged care home before I realized other women existed, and yet, just months after you...left...there I was, having feelings for another woman. I started to doubt that I had really changed at all. Was I still so shallow that even you were replaceable? Were women still interchangeable to me? I hated myself. I thought those days were long gone and yet..."

"I forgive you. In the circumstances. How wonderful would it have been if you'd come and rescued me, not knowing it was really me?"

"Fat chance. That nurse Gloria wouldn't tell me a thing when I went there. She said she had no idea where you had gone."

"She really didn't. She lent me her own clothes and money for a cab. I couldn't have gotten out without her help. I signed myself out the last night we chatted. Cass was getting a Court Order to keep me in so I just got out of Dodge. Felix let me use Emmett's place. He was a great buddy. He bought me food and clean sheets and acted as my bodyguard."

"And loved every minute of it. He's always wanted you. It must have made his day to be able to be your knight in shining armour."

"Really? We have always been friends. He's always been there whenever I needed him, even if I only owned the second smallest apartment in the complex. He treated me like royalty from the day I moved in."

"So oblivious," he laughed.

Hearing Edward laugh was a balm that soothed my heart.

"How did you find us? You slept much of the time when we were travelling here for our honeymoon. I'm surprised you knew the way."

"I didn't. Jake put a message on that blog he and Charlie kept. They knew it was for you. That's why they put up all the photos and video's of us together. Jake thought you'd be more interested in them than in the photos of me before we knew one another."

"I treasured every word and every image, from whatever stage of your life."

"Carlisle came to the Res and got me. I've started to re establish myself as Kristie's Mama. She seems happy to have a Mama again."

"She missed you dreadfully. Like I did. Do you want to take a shower? Or a walk on the beach?"

"Why don't those offers sound sincere? What do you really want to do?"

He slid a hand lower, making me instantly needy again just as he knew it would.

"I want to make love to you with my eyes open, knowing you really are here, and it's not just a hallucination or a dream."

"Sounds like a plan," I agreed.

xxxx

Dawn found us huddled together under a blanket sitting on the clifftops, watching the sun's beams take control of the sky. I was sitting with my back pressed against his chest and his arms held me tightly. Our legs were touching, his outside mine, his feet keeping mine together so I was 'decent'. God knows all my legs wanted to do was fall open and have him inside me yet again.

He'd called a halt to our repeated lovemaking, out of concern that we were keeping our son awake. We hadn't slept, but there would be plenty of time for that in the future.

For now we just needed to be together.

Edward's hands roamed over every inch of me, as he checked I was not a hologram or a dream. His lips kept kissing the top of my head.

We'd talked for hours, and both knew all there was to know about our time apart.

My heart bled for him, because he had really believed I was dead, and had lived with that unbearable pain for six months, whereas I'd never considered his death a possibility. I was grateful to Marcus and Cass for handling the situation so very badly that even when they told me the truth as they knew it, I simply didn't listen or believe them.

The worst pain I'd felt was during the time I'd believed Edward had never come back. And in the back of my mind even then I'd assumed he'd turn up when the baby was born and I'd have another chance. No matter how he felt about me, he would never deprive me of our child, so we would have had to work out a way for both of us to parent the baby, and of course I would take full advantage of that.

I'd already been plotting and scheming ways to get back into his bed.

But that was me. He was mine, in my heart and in my head, and I would have fought as hard and as dirty as it took to make him love me again.

Edward's love was more pure.

It was eternal but would have left him crippled if I'd really been dead and that made me so sad. I always wanted him to be happy, and truly, I would have wanted him to move on and find love again.

But none of that mattered now.

We were both alive and well, and I was back.

Even so, it wasn't until Esme slipped out from the house and came to kneel behind Edward's back and throw her arms around us that he really believed I was here.

"You can see her? You can feel her, Mom?"

"Of course I can, Son. Bella has come back to us. Are you two warm enough? It's cold out here."

"We are sharing body heat," Edward replied.

All I was wearing was his blue shirt and the lime and pink sox Renee had knitted that I'd given him. And of course, I was 'wearing' his body.

She brought us cups of tea,and while they warmed us up inside, Edward realised we should go back to bed and warm up again.

Like I'd argue.

Eventually we did sleep, now he was sure I existed, and for hours we lay entwined in one another, sleeping dreamlessly, because real life was better than anything our brains could invent.

xxxx

"Bella, just pick up the soap, " Edward urged.

We were sharing a shower prior to going over to the main house for lunch, and seeing Kristie together for the first time.

I just wasn't sure he'd dropped it accidentally, and why would he want me bending over to retrieve it?

"No. The water will make us clean enough," I retorted.

"Just what are you afraid of? Huh?" he whispered in my ear making my skin tingle. "Do you think I want to take advantage as you bend over? If I wanted to make love again, wouldn't I just lift you up, like this, and hold you against the tiles, and push inside you just like this? That would be the more practical thing to do, surely."

I put my legs around his waist and drew him in closer.

The practical side of my brain kept warning me I was headed for a dose of 'Honeymoon cystitis' after such a long period of abstinence and such an intense night of breaking that drought, but what the Hell? I had two doctors on hand. They'd cure it. Especially the one with the vested interest in keeping me fit and ready for love.

I knew this was more about reconnecting and less about sex for Edward, but for me, it was definitely both. The man had turned me into some wanton harlot who was not putting her daughter first at all.

"Oh yes," I moaned, sliding against him, feeling him hit places that must be bruised black and blue by now, but it felt so good. "Oh God, Edward,yes" I hissed, shaking with relief, and barely managing to clench. I know it's important to exercise those muscles inside but it seemed even they tired from overuse.

"Bella, my Bella, I love you so much."

His lips were desperate again and I could feel his heart thumping against my chest as he tried to keep every inch of him in contact with every inch of me, all at once. He was frantic and so afraid.

He'd experienced the worst possible thing, and he had to reassure himself it was over.

It was getting too intense again. Edward was in danger of spontaneous combustion or something if he didn't manage to hold back a little and take control. I understood his desperation but we were in danger of teetering on the brink of insanity here.

"Hey you two. You missed lunch. Are you joining us for dessert?" Rose yelled from below.

Thank God.

"Sounds like they are making their own dessert," Emmett chortled.

"Bella is already pregnant. You can't start the next baby until this one is actually born," Rose yelled.

"Fuck. I can't believe I forgot to tell them," I exclaimed."It's all your fault. All I have been able to think about is you coming back from Boston and it just slipped my mind. Come on, we have to get dressed."

I took Edward's hand and we ran to the house, and I would have blushed at the knowing looks and Emmett's graphic hand gestures as he explained why we were late.

"Emmett, no. Just grow up. Rose, I have something for you."

I handed her the small black and white photos and she looked at them closely.

"Oh. You are having another girl?" she said in surprise.I'd referred to our baby as a boy ever since I'd arrived.

With reason.

Carlisle had confirmed it with a scan himself.

"That's not our baby. It's yours."

"Mine?"

"Yours and Emmett's. Laurent and Siobhan came to find me at the apartment in Boston. Once Cass turned up at their house and questioned them about whether I'd been there, they knew I was back, so they brought those scan photos for me to pass on to you. If you were alive."

"But how..?"

"They had one of the frozen embryos left over from the first time implanted the day before they heard the news about the accident. Apparently she had agreed to have that done as soon as she felt ready, after recovering from the birth of their own daughter. That felt like the right day,so she went ahead, knowing you'd be delighted. And she asked for a girl to be transferred. So, in a couple of months, you two have a daughter to go collect. You need to call Siobhan. I can't believe I forgot to tell you straight away. I'm so sorry."

"I think in the circumstances we can forgive that all you could think about was Edward. I can understand that. Thank you, Bella. Emmett, look at our little girl."

"Now you can stop borrowing Kristie and have your own Pink Baby to dress up," Alice stated.

Just then, Esme walked into the room with Kristie. She let go of her hand and our daughter stared at us both. Edward had his arm around my shoulder and it all clicked into place for her.

"That's my Dadda and my Mama," she said soberly to Esme.

Then she walked nonchalantly over to us and held up her arms to Edward. It seemed he was still her favourite, but I could live with that.

xxxx

EPOV

This time, I enjoyed every single moment that remained of the pregnancy. No nightmares showed themselves, but then, nothing could dampen my happiness anyway.

At first, having Bella back was overwhelming and I had to pause and concentrate, and ground my mind, because it seriously did attempt to take me to places I may not come back from.

Depression is real and can't be cured in a single day, even if the thing that depressed you was now mended.

Carlisle monitored my drugs and only started decreasing them once Bella and I slipped back into our old manner of being together.

I could feel myself slowly healing and finally the end was in sight. I could almost reach out and touch it. Each day was happier than the last, and even better, more peaceful, and my moods had evened out.

I felt positive about the future.

Someday we might decide it was safe to go home to Forks and live in our houses again. The main house was overcrowded and Rose and Emmett's new baby would need the sole remaining guest room.

I was thinking clearly now, and had come along way in accepting the past was done, and we had a long and happy future together.

The first time I disagreed with something Bella said, Carlisle grinned.

She could not accept that sugar was so bad. Scientists had discovered so many new problems it caused and now knew it was worse for your health than even animal fat. It was linked to cholesterol clogging your arteries as your body tried to repair the tiny cuts sugar, or the additives of sand that kept it free flowing, made inside you.

She'd grown up with a sweet tooth and thought Kristie was somehow deprived because we never gave her sugar.

"If she never develops a taste for it, then she will never know what's she is missing," I pointed out.

"But I've eaten it all my life and it hasn't done me any harm. Okay, I will agree to not giving it to our kids but I'm never giving it up"

I couldn't even say the obvious reply. _So far as we know it hasn't harmed you. Yet._

The idea of ever losing her again was too painful to think about.

I'd insisted on always making the many cups of tea that she still drank every day, but I'd gradually reduced the sugar to almost nothing, and because I'd done it over two months, she hadn't noticed any difference in taste.

Then today she'd made herself one while I was showering, and had spluttered in disgust at the extreme sweetness, and I'd been outed.

"I only want to do what's best for you," I argued as I dried myself off. Unfortunately,with barely two weeks left of the pregnancy, tiredness had taken over from lust and my naked body was not distracting her.

"But that was just sneaky. You eat Rose's cheesecakes. They must have sugar in them."

"Nope. Rose has never eaten sugar."

She did know that.

She stood there with her arms crossed, and tapped her foot as she glared at me, no doubt annoyed she couldn't come up with any winning points.

Just then, the argument was wiped from our minds as her water broke with an audible pop.

"Edward," she said in panic, her eyes instantly changed from angry and frustrated to scared.

"It's okay. We knew this would happen one day soon. Today is that day."

I helped her off with her wet jeans and pulled her into the shower when she was as naked as I was. I'd send Carlisle a text, but for now the warm water would help with the early contractions so this was the best place to be. She stood facing me, with her arms reaching up around my neck.

Kristie was napping in the bunkroom in her crib. We'd started by moving the crib down of a day, then left it there for nights as well once she decided she liked her newly decorated bedroom better than our boring plain room anyway.

"Do you prefer that I exam how far you are dilated, or do you want Carlisle to do it?"I asked.

"You,"she gasped as a contraction hit.

I knew she had no issues with him being her doctor, but she wanted this birth to be just between us if possible. I wanted Dad out of sight but on hand just in case anything happened that I couldn't handle alone.

I heard the jug downstairs shrill as it boiled and the quiet chatter of my mother and father as they sat and waited.

"Do you want me to fill the tub yet?"

"Will you get in it with me?" she asked.

"Of course, Bella. I just need to grab a condom to put on the doppler so I can check the baby's heart rate, okay?"

Jasper was the only one who used them so he'd donated a couple for the cause.

I placed her hands on the tiled shower walls and left her for a moment to get the bath filled and considered the best way to check her cervix. Taking her up the stairs to lay on the bed may not be the most practical way.

"Bella, you need to pee so it's not too uncomfortable when I examine you."

She did. She had no inhibitions thank God.

I decided to do it while she was resting against the wall, and warned her when I returned.

"Sorry, Baby, but I have to do this. Pant."

First time I've ever apologised for putting any part of me inside her.

"Six centimeters," I announced. More than halfway.

"Dadda," a small voice called from the room below. Mom's footsteps assured me she had heard and was taking charge.

"Hello Kristie, Did you have a nice nap? Guess what? Uncle Jasper is waiting to give you another swimming lesson. Won't Mama be surprised when she sees how good you are at swimming after this lesson? "

"I want to jump in the water ," Kristie said."And make a big splash like the twins do."

"I bet Jasper can teach you how to do that," Esme replied, carrying her downstairs.

I sent Dad an updated text and then helped Bella into the tub and listened to our son's heartbeat. He didn't appear distressed at all, even during contractions.

Her blood pressure was good. Her temperature normal. Her pulse strong. With luck this delivery would be as textbook as the last.

I was grateful for this baby for a lot of reasons. When all you want is your wife back, and you somehow are granted that impossible wish, it's everything. But when she brings a new life you two created together with her, it's extraordinary.

It also grounded me in a way words couldn't. It pushed us back into reality. Without him I would possibly still be waking up afraid Bella's return was just a dream. Instead my hands ached even while I slept, from rubbing her lower back, and her aching legs and her feet.

Every time I awoke in the night, Bella took it as a sign I was as willing to massage her body as I was to make love to her.

Mainly she won, but we had still kept up a fairly active sex life. She was very inventive when it came to positions to avoid the bump.

And I never wanted our daughter to be an only child. How much easier would it have been for her when Bella was away if she'd had a sibling of her own? I know she'd felt the odd one out, with no brother or sister like the other children, and worse still, no Mama.

She'd had me, but had I been as much of a positive as a negative as I clung to her to keep me willing to live? Some days I'd felt like I was just a burden to her.

"You need to drink," I said, holding out a beaker with a lid and a straw.

For the next few hours, things progressed normally. Bella's vitals stayed good, and the baby's heart rallied after each tightening. I kept the bathwater at the same temperature by letting out the old as I refilled.

Day turned to night.

Second labours are normally shorter than firsts, but there was no reason to worry. Everything that should happen was happening, just slowly.

Bella looked quite serene, and enjoyed the widely spaced contractions and the long gaps of peace in between them.

Rose and Alice popped in; Emmett took the crib back to the main house for Kristie at bedtime, and Esme fed her husband and I.

The evening dragged out, long and peaceful, only disturbed by increasingly strong waves of pain.

"I want to get out," Bella said suddenly, pushing on the lip of the tub to stand.

I hit the alert on my cell and Dad ran up the steps as my wife stood up and the baby's head emerged between her legs.

She moaned and went into a semi squat.

Carlisle supported Bella's body as I caught the baby.

I laughed at his hair. Poor kid. A lifetime of auburn bed hair, though it had worked for me.

He flexed his lanky limbs and wailed, then opened his piercing emerald eyes and Bella smiled.

"What's the time?" I asked.

"You two have a midnight son," Dad replied.

xxxx

Baby Edward had taken over the family. It was a weird feeling, knowing for the first time since Bella fell in love with me that another male had captivated her heart just as securely.

Kristie was seriously unimpressed and objected to the baby's cradle being in our bedroom when her crib wasn't. She clung to me and often refused to speak to her brother, and would sometimes even shut her eyes or turn her face away.

Bella looked like the original Earth Mother, sitting in the morning sun on the stoop, feeding our son. She ignored Kristie's jealousy and just pulled her onto her lap to read to her or brushed out her hair and told her how pretty she was, while baby Edward slept in his cradle.

I agreed it was the best way to handle things.

Gradually, as he slept less and began to hero worship his older sister with his eyes, she decided he wasn't so bad.

Then baby Annabel came home with Emmett and Rose, and I think Kristie realised she preferred a brother to a sister so there was one good thing about him. Bella didn't dress him up all pink and frilly and have all the women oohing and ahhing over him, saying he was 'just the prettiest little baby in the world' like they did over Annabel.

Kristie was the one in our little family with the 'pretty' label and she liked it that way.

Bella and I lay in bed one night and discussed whether or not we would ever want more children. To me, two seemed a good number.

For many reasons.

We had one of each, so a third child would have to be another boy or another girl, and at the moment the family felt balanced.

I liked having a favourite daughter and hated the idea that things would change if there was another little girl in the running.

Bella had her idea of the perfect son already, so she was happy.

I still hated putting my wife through anything dangerous, and pregnancy is a dangerous exercise. We'd had two perfect deliveries; it seemed like pushing our luck to expect a third to end just as well.

And I wanted as large a share of Bella as there could be for me. Sharing her with two kids was enough.

Carlisle did the honours and performed my vasectomy when Edward Jr turned a year old, so we could be sure there would never be any unplanned surprises.

From what we could learn, it seemed like the threat of Aro Volturi had died with him. Riley confirmed every high ranking member of the company had been executed or imprisoned, and none of the minions had any reason to seek us out. We were not the reason they were incarcerated, their own actions led them to that place. It was likely none of them had even heard of us.

He was living openly, under his own name, in Boston with no consequences.

We had to seriously consider returning to the mainland as Tommy needed to start his education, and his parents wanted him to attend a normal school and mix with more children than just his cousins.

Finally, the decision was made and we said goodbye to the island. It would just be our holiday getaway from now on.

We'd had the houses opened and cleaned, and it felt good walking down the path to the house I'd always wanted to share with Bella and my children, forever.

Kristie held her brother's hand and walked him through the front door,as I scooped my wife into my arms and carried her across the threshold.

As always, Bella got in the last word.

"Honey," she said kissing my cheek. "We're home."

THE END

**Thanks for reading, kisses for everyone who reviewed, see ya when I'm better, Cheers.**


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